covered in dust

rise

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 20:46:00 +0000

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaibara/2756361218/

I'm sitting in a Starbucks in west Austin amid the relational buzz of conversations and business on a rainy, cool January afternoon.

I sit alone in a crowd. My eyes are fixed outward.

From my window seat, I'm observing the ebb and flow of life that crosses the threshold of this coffee haven. Rushers, Casualers, Uptighters, Fashionistas, Distracteds, Artists, Technologists, Loners... every one of them with a story, dreams, potential. Every one of them yearning for something.

Curiously, from my internal voice, I inquire of them all, "What do you want? What drives you? What do you allow to define you?"

These questions burn in my heart. They fuel my passion to wrap words around this coming year.

It was December of 2009. My wife told me that she had heard of using one word to describe the year ahead. She explained to me that while not fully knowing why that word was picked, I'd choose it and then lean into it as it unveils itself through Divine revelation throughout the year.

I was intrigued.

In January of 2010, I dove in. I prayed. I questioned. I yearned. The word that kept occupying my thoughts and heart was Equillibrium. That year, I found my Water Bender value which remained present but unnamed until April 2011 at The BraveHeart Intensive.

I learned a lot about living an unbalanced but equalized life full of harmony and rhythms that brought me life and deeper into my Calling; deeper into Jesus.

Last year, 2011 was defined by a word that I'm still learning to receive-- restore. Indeed, it was a year defined and transformed through being restored. Restoration was holistic. Restoration was healing. Restoration was holy.

This led me to 2012. What would be the word that defined this year? What would be unveiled? What word is simultaneously shrouded in mystery yet tangible and fully accessible? God, what do you want to do in and through me in 2012?

Rise.

The word first came through a Whisper. A hint. A suggestion. Ethereal and unrefined, it haunted my private thoughts. What could this mean? What lies ahead?

Rise.

It kept pursuing me. Images started to form in my mind. Melodies rang in my ears. This Whisper now had my soul at full attention and curiosity.

Rise.

I could feel it. The power. The majesty. The nobility. It beckoned me to more; to an adventure without revealing what would be discovered. Into the wild...

I am firewolf and in 2012 I will be morphed by the Lover of my soul through one word: rise.

No Year's Resolution

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 22:40:00 +0000

...see what I did with that title?

I don't make New Year's Resolutions.

I see the value in them. I'm not against them. But I don't do them.

It wasn't always this way.

I made this decision several years ago after going through the motions just like I was supposed to. I made the list. I picked vices to dump, new rhythms to start, and goals to achieve. I psyched myself up. I knuckled down. And more often than not, I couldn't even remember my list by April.

The focus blurred. The passion fizzled out.

It was then that I waited to start something new for my good and the benefit of the world around me until New Year's. Then it hit me... why wait? Why not make resolutions one at a time throughout the year? Maybe it's just me but I was conditioned into believing that I could really only make effective resolutions once a year when I was "motivated" to do it.

Here's the clincher: I was externally motivated around New Year's but internally motivated throughout the year. So, why wait? Do it now. If I failed, I would just restart then and there.

I began to see my failures as essential to my success instead of a checklist that never got completed. I kept restarting. I kept pressing on. I kept going. It's as if by failing over and over again I was actually learning how to succeed.

Resistance wants us to fail and stay there, which is why so many resolutions never resolve. Resistance hates it when you get back up. When you choose to start over. When you fail but don't quit.

What I learned is that resolutions are not a one time decision. They're a series of decisions made one day at a time over several weeks and months which yield the results that we desire. Everyday is a new beginning to finish what we've started. So many times have I started but I'll be remembered more for what I finish... And so will you.

If you get stuck, use a life coach. They specialize in unresolved change and navigating hurdles both seen and unseen. My friends Justin (@thewildriverdog) and Mike (@MichaelDWarden) are trusted allies that help me see past the smokescreen of defeat and confusion and spur me on toward my heroic calling. I recommend them for you as well.

Want to resolve to change? Press against the invisible Resistance that is determined to see you fail. And while you're at it, fail. Fail brilliantly. Because failing means you're doing something. But don't stop. Keep pushing through. Keep going.

Resistance

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 18:27:00 +0000

"It's hard to grow up," Jonah says to me with defeat in voice and a sigh on his breath. With empathy I replied, "I know buddy, but you can do it. I believe in you."

Jonah was facing Resistance.

Resistance is always available to meet you in what could be your most defining character-building moments... and it's insidious goal is to prevent you from moving forward.

Resistance is the voice that tells you that you can't.

It is the invisible wall that you hit. It is the block that kills your creativity. It is the heavy blanket that keeps you in bed. It is the distraction the kills your productivity. It is the unseen chain the binds you from pursuing healthy endeavors.

Resistance always seeks to kill, steal, and destroy.

It is always pushing you back. It is the counter measure to every good intention. It is unrealized potential.

Resistance will always let you downgrade.

It is the tide you push against. It is the comfortable. It is the known. It is the almost adventure that you could have had.

Resistance is futile.

It will never allow success. It will always entice you to become ineffective, unimportant.

Push through.

Choose the harder conversation. Choose the path unknown. Choose the adventure. Choose to leap hoping the net will appear. Choose to be stretched. Choose to face that which scares you.

Resistance will never quit and so neither must we. We must choose to fight because to surrender would be choosing the lessor existence, choosing to be less human.

Reclaim your life.

For more on Resistance and how to overcome it, I highly recommend The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.

On writing

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 20:15:00 +0000

The most difficult task that I face on a weekly and monthly basis is not necessarily what to write but just to write. I find that often I like to unpack large ideas and seemingly attempt to excavate mountains each and every time I sit down to put "pen to paper".

I've been challenged by this over the months putting unnecessary pressure on myself to think of the next big topic to tackle or the next significant progress in my journey of faith. The truth is that most of my progress as a human is made in small doses over time. Additioanlly, I often have ideas that keep me captivated for days that are not complete but just glimpses of what God is doing in my life. In the past, I have chosen to wait to write until such time as a more complete picture can emerge.

But I'm sensing a shift.

I have a real desire to write more often in smaller, bite-sized chunks. Part of this stems from my prior, unhealthy obsession with being a people pleaser and seeking the approval of others. Miss that link between the two? It's this- I wouldn't write until I knew that I had something to offer that was complete, not in process, because I couldn't handle the push back.

What I've been learning more deeply about myself this year is that I'm wired to be a provoker and as a provoker I communicate to incite curiosity and conversation and to inspire imagination. What burns within my gut with passion is this: I'm more concerned that those around me and those that I influence are not passified by their existence but are compelled to begin living to be more tomorrow than they are today.

Here's to pushing against the Resistance...

You are what you...

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 02:47:00 +0000

Read.

Well, I suppose the popularized vernacular is "You are what you eat," but there is an element of truthfulness to my updated iteration of this well known idiom.

Tonight, my wife initiated several rounds of questions for my family and I to discuss as we ate dinner together (one of my favorite times to BE with my family). Most nights, we sit around trying to coerce my almost five year old son to eat or sit in his chair or stop playing with his toys. But tonight was different. After a few rounds of questions like, "What is the best and worst thing about your height?" to "How comfortable are you with uncertainty?" we landed on a question that made me dig deep.

"What are some books that have influenced your life?"

Jonah, my soon-to-be five year old boy, said very matter-of-factly, "Blue's clues. It makes my brain grow bigger and makes me smarter."

Fair enough.

Lisa, my bride, responded with a few goodies of her own-- The Bible, Made to Crave, and Captivating.

Then, it was my turn. After listening to my family, I paused before I began by assessing a quick inventory of my heart then I listed to following (in no particular order) as the most influential books that I could think of off the top of my head:

The Bible
Forgotten God
Wild at Heart
Velvet Elvis
More Than A Carpenter
Blue Like Jazz
The Barbarian Way (also called Unleashed)
Chasing Daylight
Ruthless Trust
A Glimpse of Jesus
I Once Was Lost
Questioning Evangelism
The Lord of The Rings
The Chronicles of Narnia

I told my son that all of these books (and a few others that I didn't name) have been very influential in shaping who I am today but none as powerfully as The Scriptures (The Bible).

What books have influenced you?

deep calls to deep

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 15:00:00 +0000

http://instagr.am/p/BxEHQ/

My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember you

from the land of the Jordan,

the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep

in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and breakers

have swept over me.

(Psalm 42:6-7)

My heart is only adulterous all the time; it betrays me. My soul longs for the intimate embrace of the Infinite One, the Imminent Lover yet my affections devour the sweet, honey-soaked morsels of the immediate, the counterfeit. The essence of my being-- that cavernous void of limitless potential-- yearns for the inexhaustible depth and expanse of Glory; to swim in the grace of Him who is more just and more loving whose boundless mercy exceeds the grandeur of the sunrise, the majesty of the mountains, the elation of a baby's giggle.

Deep calls to deep.

Oh hear the cry of my heart: to know the richness of His Spirit in all things, at all times; to reflect the light of His face with such radiance that my skin becomes a translucent veil to His beautiful splendor. But this treacherous core in my inmost being swoons for the flash, neglecting the brilliant; chases the instant, over the Infinite.

This is where all wars originate. This is where the battle was won. On this ethereal plain the King was victorious and now beckons the allegiance of all who would be brave enough to cast aside their own affections-- their own lives-- to follow Him.

This is not a call to become a better me; a better you. This is not a call to simply change my mind; change your mind. This is a call to die.

My heart must be removed not renewed. My heart must be replaced anew and my life reformed into the likeness of the King who ransomed my life with His own blood. It is at His feet that I lay my sword and pledge not only my allegiance but my all- the very fabric of my being.

Jump, wandering pilgrim, into the dark unknown waters of His love and swim in the sea of His grace leaving behind the shallow existence of a lesser life for then you will live and know the Truth of reality for deep calls to deep.

I want...

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 15:00:00 +0000

http://instagr.am/p/BwxLv/

Free.

I want to be free: to run full throttle into the unknown, chasing the horizon.

I want to be unleashed: to be untethered by the restraints of opinions, predisposed suppositions, and predetermined labels.

I want to be untamed: to live as a barbarian-- dangerous, radical, savage.

Bound.

I want to be bound: to be shackled to love and encapsulated by peace.

I want to be harnessed: to be sealed and clothed in the mystical armor of The Spirit, arrested by the glory of a warrior.

I want to be tempered: to will and act with precision and intent that releases power and energy not of my own design or manufacture but that of Divine origin.

Broken.

I want to be broken: to run into a Presence that surpasses my understanding and brings me to awe and wonder.

I want to be undone: to live in full surrender to each moment, each whim of my Sustainer.

I want to be diminished: to live fully in my identity while chiseled, hewn, and sculpted into the image of my Forebearer.

Whole.

I want to be whole: to lack nothing; complete.

I want to be interwoven: to be fully integrated as a mosaic tapestry of Spirit, mind, body, soul, skills, gifts, passions, desires, and dreams.

I want to be significant: to be a force for good as a light in the Darkness and a beacon of Hope for the sojourner and absent.

I want...

Braveheart- A Hero Will Rise

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 20:32:00 +0000

Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it.
-Malcolm Wallace, Braveheart

The journey of a few days lasted what would seem to be several months; for the adventure into the fabric of my being-- of my deepest core-- is one filled with awe, treachery, and freedom. The Council at Hunt had adjourned and the test of any hero would lie within the challenges that he faces in the throngs of battle whether they be relational, vocational, or spiritual.

The journey through the Braveheart Intensive was not in and of itself a destination but a time of re-purposing for the road ahead... and the road ahead contains dangers and glory to be discovered. It is in the risk that adventure is conceived and it is in the conflict that peace is born. The mettle of any hero is won or lost not in the avoidance of struggle and combat but in engaging the confrontation with honor and humility seeking to bring evil to justice while administering grace and mercy even to his enemies.

But was I equipped enough for the arduous engagement with an unseen, unrelenting Enemy? The sleepless eyes of my Enemy lurk and hunt for moments of weakness with weapons of lies and deception, with half-truths and well-crafted arguments; all the while masquerading as that which is admirable and gratifying.

A vision. An imaginative prayer. A powerful glimpse into who I may become on this path of living by my true name and to my Divine mission.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends...

I sat silent with my comrades, relaxing as I listened to the wind caress the trees with a sensual whimsy causing an arousal of leaves and branches like a soft applause or a gentle rain. My chest rising and falling to the rhythm of God's creation. The birds, aloft on the breeze, flitted to and fro behind me like lovers dancing to the sway of a symphony while the sun kissed my neck with spouses lips gently pressing her love onto my skin, warm and luxurious.

My mind now fixed on Him; my heart steadfast on the Spirit of Yahweh waiting for Him to rouse my mind's eye.

A glimpse. A vision. A Divine daydream.

A large, open field of golden Elysium lay stretched out before me like the hair of a lover cascades across her pillow and the air sweetened by Spring's flowers and Autumn's maple sugar. I stood silent soaking in the panoramic view as I was captivated by the rolling green hills and purple, snow capped mountains. The forest stood at a distance majestic and proud in stature, dark, yet alluring to the adventurer's heart.

A man. A warrior appears in the distance; walking from the forest toward me. At first, I am surprised and startled with a fear much akin to reverence. As he treks through the field toward me, I begin to notice the detail of this battle-worn hero.

He is strong, confident, and humble; clothed in a brown, jedi-like outer robe resembling Qui Gon Jinn. His armor peeked through his cloak giving glimpses of war-torn futuristic breastplate, grieves, and a sword. But this was not just any sword.

He nears; standing before me and staring into me, he was intensely focused with brilliantly-fiery, deep-blue eyes. His face was familiar like that of a reflection in a mirror yet older, wiser. He beheld me standing before him and smiled, smirked like a father proud of his son; he then extended a gesture of a forearm grip greeting in lieu of a handshake and pulled me in close for a tender embrace-- lovingly, steadfast. We held one another and paused. As he re-established his stance, He smiled at me and re-engaged our gaze with his hands firmly planted on my shoulders gently. With a hardy and compassionate voice, he implores me, "Fight; never give up."

With all my focus attentive to his every move, he lowered his right hand to rest on the hilt of his sword then, with one swift, dignified movement, he drew his sword from it's sheath. Brilliant with a bluish, fiery luminescence-- glowing like the sun as if forged from a lightening bolt-- he held it before me on his open hands, admiring it's workmanship while reminiscing of it's glory in battle. With admiration and honor, he extended his hands toward me in a ceremonious fashion offering me this magnificent blade and, with deep conviction, he encouraged me, "Here, this is for the journey ahead." The radiance and grandeur of this transcendent blade was now bestowed to me as it's rightful steward.

Upon returning from my Divinely inspired daydream, my heart soared with delight as I knew that I was now bestowed not only the Spirit name, values, and mission that would guide me on the journey ahead but the tools with which to live out a life fully alive and free.

I left the Council of Hunt a hero and king in alliance with and in allegiance to my Lord and King, Jesus. The journey to free begins...

The Braveheart Intensive

Braveheart- The Shadow Broker

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 15:00:00 +0000

"You cannot pass! I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udun! Go back to the shadow. You shall not pass!"

- Gandalf the gray, Lord Of The Rings

You only have a Shadow if you are in the Light; the brighter the Light, the darker the Shadow. We now delve deep into the realm of secrets and whispers where echoes of identity are lost and quickly forgotten under a fog of deception like a cloud concealing a majestic mountain peak. Come with me on a journey into the darkest realms of my mind and soul where there lives a broker who trades my strength to the highest bidder. It is time for darker tales...

Even the most heroic expedition and the most noble treatise has moments of hushed, chilling dusk whence enters the antagonist who, with darkest of intent, seeks to besmirch the protagonist through crafty reasoning, deceptive ambitions, and malicious vigor. So it should come as no surprise that my journey to becoming one of the dangerous, radical free also encountered this distorted version of my identity who, when at my worst, seeks to destroy not only my life but those around me.

At first, I avoided the undertaking. For I know best of all what lurked beneath the surface. I dreaded revealing the caged beast that sought to destroy me and hoped to postpone the weight of guilt that I knew would ensue upon turning to see the Thing that chases me and hunts me and pursues me with sleepless strength.

I paced the cabin. I distracted myself.

With an inward thrust of air, I filled my lungs to their capacity like a balloon about to burst. Then slowly, I exhaled. Releasing my fear and turning toward the Shadow with pen and paper in hand, I wrote...

My Shadow mission is to believe that I am a timid and frightened little boy who is destined for failure, that is "less than", and who will never have true impact, meaning, mission, or influence. My Shadow mission is to believe that I am incapable and do not have what it takes. My Shadow mission is to allow self-deprecating behavior lessen me to become ineffective, self-preserving, and self-medicating. My Shadow mission is to become a slave to counterfeit intimacy and depraved masculinity. My Shadow mission is to believe that the approval of others determines my worth and value. My Shadow mission is full of shame and strives to punish me through self-doubt and depression thus forfeiting true community, authenticity, and transparency while making me a raging narcissist, full of bitterness and anger. My Shadow mission tells me that I am a poser, fake and flaw that no one will ever respect.

You see, my Shadow's mission is the opposite of my identity as FireWolf.

One very symbolic narrative that intrigues me about true identity and shadow is that of Peter Pan, the boy who never wanted to grow up. Early on in the fable, Peter Pan chases his shadow across London and arrives at the room of three sleeping children.

I'm sure you know the story well. Introductions are made. The shadow is apprehended.

But what is fascinating to me is what happens next. Peter insists on having his shadow reattached to his person so that it will never escape him again.

I wonder... how long have I wished that my Shadow would depart from me and never return? The parts of my identity that have been forfeited to the Shadow are not worth losing and therefore, I must keep my Shadow so as to recover my whole self from the broker that lies crafty whispers and murmurs of ill intent. When my identity retreats to Shadow, I must with all honor and humility fight and engage my Shadow with compassionate curiosity to bring that portion of my identity hiding in Shadow into the Light of community so as to break the power of shame which holds it captive allowing the Shadow Broker to slowly squelch and quench the Glory and Strength of God in me.

This was the hardest part of my journey at Braveheart but wise words from a trusted sage breathed fresh life into this area of my story when he said, "Where you are wounded is where you are strongest and God is redeeming that [portion of who you are]. For 'when you are weak, then you are strong'."

The Braveheart Intensive

Braveheart- Values

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Fri, 13 May 2011 16:58:00 +0000

"You know why they volunteered? Because they knew that the man in the foxhole next to them would be the best, not some draftee who's going to get them killed... Don't ever put yourself in the position where you can take from these men." - Richard Winters, Band of Brothers

I want to take a step back for a moment; to return to what gave shape to my identity and ultimately, my mission-- my values.

Understanding my values and excavating them from my soul has been, and continues to be, a task of bravery and determination that requires absolute resolve to not only listen to my heart but to simultaneously listen to the voice of my Lord and King. The simple solution would be to think about it intensely and make intellectually sound decisions, but this would betray my core essence and forfeit any real, lasting relevance to my life because then I would not be resonating with what truly brings me alive. That is the goal of discovering values-- what makes my heart come alive?

What is a value? A quality, experience, or way of engaging life that fills me up, gets my blood going, and nourishes my soul. It is not an activity that I am doing but rather a lens through which I gaze into life and filter the crap from the exciting. Each person's values differ, each unique.

As I began describing the vision board that I brought with me, I told stories about why certain images resonated with me and how they made me feel. The type of emotions they invoked within me and the life that each picture lit up within my soul.

Patterns and repeated phrases slowly became apparent but I became frustrated with the length of the process. Nothing seemed transferable enough or grand enough to stand the test of a multitude of environments. Some perceived values were small and only applied to certain portions of my life. Other values didn't even make sense at first.

I prayed. Then I prayed some more.

Then I listened and asked Jesus to reveal to me what He was trying to tell me. The answers did not arrive like a protagonist on a white horse about to sweep in and save the day. No, the answers were not swift. They danced on the fringes of the firelight of my soul and pranced on the periphery of my mind's eye. My heart's ears listened intently for hours, days. Even after the Braveheart council had adjourned, with each brave warrior returning to his domain, I was still pressing into the values and asking questions.

With pen in hand, I waited. I waited like a battalion leader eagerly and singularly focused on the battle line, anticipating that at any moment gunfire would break the mind-numbing silence and chaos would ensue. Like drops dripping from a leaky faucet, my values began to fill up the bucket of my parched soul.

They are...

Provoker-- this is my voice. I must be heard. I must contribute.

Vanguard Elite-- entrepreneurial battalion leader. I must go but I do not go alone. I lead the pack and show the way.

Apprenticeship & Mastery-- a leader of leaders. I must invest in others who will not simply consume but contribute and master the strength they inherit from me by apprenticing others to do the same.

Water Bender-- rhythm and flow. Life MUST have a rhythm and flow.

Cultural Architect-- creating environments. I must create a new reality. I am most alive when I am shaping and crafting the culture, environment, and experiences around me.

Barbarian-- autonomy. I cannot be contained. Labels, rigid constraints, and conjectured ideals will only stifle my existence. I must challenge the status quo and break preconceived molds.

Alchemist-- imaginative creativity. I must create. I must be unique.

"Euripides"-- insatiable curiosity. Question everything (respectfully and humbly). Learn something (everyone has a story). Answer nothing (be quick to listen and slow to speak).

The names are of no consequence and have very little meaning to the average onlooker but resonate deeply with me. That is the point to the obscure names, they have resonance with my soul (the quotes notate a place holder name that has yet to be decided).

As I have leaned into these values over the past week, they are truly representative of the aforementioned definition of a value and have proved to be invaluable in directing and guiding what I say "yes" to and what I say "no" to, good or bad. I have found freedom in resting in these values, reaffirmed time and time again by my Spirit within me and even at times Scripturally, though not all are explicitly named in Scripture (yet they are not overtly denied by Scripture either).

Come and see, scared little boy, the most excellent way has been revealed. Let us no longer hold to timidity but be clothed in Strength. For I am FireWolf and that is the truest part of our identity.

The Braveheart Intensive

Braveheart- Identity and Mission

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Wed, 11 May 2011 15:00:00 +0000

"Spectres are not trained, but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle; those whose actions elevate them above the rank and file. Spectres are an ideal, a symbol. The embodiment of courage, determination, and self-reliance. They are the right hand of the Council, instruments of our will. Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defense. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold. You are the first human Spectre..."

- The Council, Mass Effect

"We're at war. No one wants to admit it but Humanity's under attack. One very specific man might be all that stands between Humanity and the greatest threat of our brief existence. We need a leader, and surround him with the brightest, the toughest, the deadliest allies we can find. The team will have to be strong, their resolve unquestionable."

- The Illusive Man, Mass Effect 2

Identity. Who am I? What is my purpose?

Those words have often echoed throughout the empty spaces of my heart and soul. At times, they have pained my existence with doubt and fear reducing me to nothing more than a helpless child hoping to cling to his Daddy for love and affirmation. This utter dependency on the Giver of Life is good and beneficial in healthy doses. But, the powerlessness and fear and timidity that are often associated with such incapacitation has a tendency to squelch the true power of the Spirit of Christ that resides within me and who is able to overcome all things.

The King needs warriors, champions for His Kingdom not court jesters, fools.

A statement of identity defines one's existence and shapes who they are and how they will respond at any given moment. An identity flows from the desires, dreams, and values placed within us. An identity is like a passport or filter that impacts every decision, every relationship, every interaction.

The process of allowing The Magnificent One to breath afresh within my soul the identity that He crafted within me was gut-wrenching, simple, and arduous. Listening and wrestling, receiving and creating-- giving shape and form to inaudible words like a sculptor crafting a masterpiece from a slab of marble; this is not for the faint of heart. The development and formation (though Divinely guided) of rediscovering my true identity was and still is shocking, intimidating, and awe-inspiring.

It brings me to a place of inward worship-- a place of honor, humility, and confidence.

The scared little boy was about to find out who I really am.

God speaks to us about our design though our desires and we build our lives around how we are designed... but there is a cautionary word that must be given-- do not suppose you understand your design or desire. Not all desires are rooted in God's design. Not all design is as God intended.

This is where the Spirit dance of listening and acting, receiving and creating begins. This much I know about the waltz of uncovering my truest identity in Christ... I cannot own what I do not name. Naming my identity as His Spirit leads, staking claim to the singularity of my uniqueness in Him is essential to understanding who I am in ANY circumstance, ANY context.

Words emerged. Images began to take shape. A new character that is as old as I am is reborn. My identity takes shape, form.

It reads...

I am FireWolf-- passionate and majestic-- the mystical warrior poet and hero of Light who sees the Invisible and hears the Inaudible. I am a barbarian, a vanguard, one of the dangerous, radical free, who boldly hunts and pursues souls to awaken and unleash hearts for the King.

Yes, this is it! THIS is who I really am.

My identity now serves as a catalyst for mission in every aspect of my life. If I stood tall and steadfast in my true identity in each area of my life-- fully present in all strength, humility, and freedom-- who would I be? What gift would the world receive from God through me in each of arena of my existence? What splendor would be revealed in me by His Spirit to His glory and praise?

Visions appear. My body posture is set in motion. The story of my mission is being told to me through the Spirit of my Creator in word, imagination, and fluid motion as I begin to create gestures and stances like a tai chi master. The flow of movement reveals a theme.

So I write...

My mission is to inspire vision and direction through activism and to provoke hearts to greater intimacy and freedom in Christ.

See, little boy, you are becoming a man. There is no need to fear for the Sustainer of Life has spoken to you and given you a new name. You are FireWolf and you have a mission. It is now time to take up arms and fight the good fight. The Spirit of the Lord is on me because He has anointed me. The blind need their sight restored. The oppressed need freedom. It is the year of the Lord's favor!

The Braveheart Intensive

Braveheart- Dare to Dream

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Tue, 10 May 2011 15:00:00 +0000

"Brothers, what we do in life... echoes in eternity." - Maximus, Gladiator

There comes a point in every journey where the shroud is lifted, the veil is torn, and life as it once was can no longer exist because it was not, in the truest sense, reality. This point of no return is oft benchmarked by moments or events that seem to separate the wheat from the chaff, the milk from the cream and has the uncanny ability to propel the story being told into new and exciting chapters where every turn of the page is unknown and the mystery being unraveled is embraced with childlike wonder. This catalytic experience is not simply satiated by change for change's sake but, through total transformation power, it morphs the narrative into something beautiful where pain becomes triumph, scars become diamonds, and failure is just a speed bump on the battle ridden road towards glory. There is power in catalytic transformation of the heart.

This is the story of my journey.

Welcome to The Braveheart Intensive.

The excursion to the center of one's own heart is not for the timid nor for the weak. Much like Frodo's pilgrimage into Mordor, the road ahead could and would prove to be treacherous and filled with snares and set backs but awakened to a new dawn and remembered with triumph and glory. On the eve of this expedition, I chose to rest-- in prayer, in solitude, in anticipation. The catalytic journey for my soul was about to start but at that moment I was poised with the posture of a sprinter in the starting blocks. Ready, but waiting. Intensely focused, but restful. My aspiration was that we who dared to dream would be propelled into the unknown of our own hearts and unleashed there by the Spirit of Him who dreamed us into existence. I was saturated in prayer hoping, waiting for the Lover of my Soul to spark within me something powerful.

It begins.

Silence. Reverence. Reflection.

Weighed down like Atlas with the world on his shoulders, the multitude of burdens were chained to my torso and drove my legs into the ground with each step I took. Within minutes, I was digging deep into the wounds that buried my strength within the soil of lies from years of misappropriated intimacy but slowly it was revealed, the one thing that I knew was always there, a scared little boy. But, it was time to lay these burdens down. The journey demanded it. No pilgrimage into the heart could be embarked upon without radical removal of these heavy chains.

The little boy would need to come with me. This was his story as well.

The culmination of the first day ended well with a celebratory cigar. The road was marked out before me and the real cultivation of my heart was about to begin... but the burdens were gone.

Come with me, scared little boy, let me show you a more excellent way. Let us journey into what is the truest part of our identity.

The Braveheart Intensive.

invisible

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 06:20:00 +0000

"A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers."

What a great way to start a story... well, maybe not for the guy who was attacked! This intro grabs ya, it draws you in. Immediately it makes me wonder-- why was he attacked? Was he being a jerk? Was this some type of hate crime? What did this guy do to deserve this? Was this just senseless violence or was there a motive?

We never find out. Instead, the story takes a turn to uncover an unlikely hero from the reject fringes of religious society... but that will not be my focus today. No, the hero will need to wait out his role as the main protagonist. Today, I want to examine the man who was attacked because "They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead." (Luke 4:30, NIV)

Have you ever felt like this poor guy? Can you identify with feeling attacked by people who want to steal from you? Maybe not in this sense where your personal possessions are being stolen. But rather, maybe you experience people who try to rob you of your joy or peace or privileges or rank or promotion. Does that resonate?

Have you ever felt like this poor guy? Have you ever felt nude and bare while fully dressed? I don't mean that someone is "stripping you with their eyes" but rather that someone has said something that leaves you feeling completely naked. Their words or actions deprived you of all decency and left you standing there alone in a crowd being scoffed at silently. As if everyone around you could see right through your garments and you felt ashamed and embarrassed as if you were completely unclothed? Have you ever felt that way?

Have you ever felt like this poor guy? Can you identify with feeling beaten down and bedraggled? Have you ever been worn out from the daily fight, bloodied by the weight of responsibility and exhausted with little to no energy left? As if this world were closing in on you and the pressure and demands of every day were crushing your feeble soul until you become a lump of flesh melting into the dirt like an ice cube on a 100 degree summer's day? Can you relate?

They went away. They left him for dead. He was about to take a dirt nap and become worm food. The vultures were already circling just waiting to tear into his warm and bloodied flesh.

This is the picture that Jesus is painting for his listeners. The real, physical torment that this traveler endured at the hands of his attackers resonates with us because while most of us have not been beaten to the point of being "half dead," we know what it is like to feel this way.

The story gets better.

People pass by him. They see him. The hear him.

Imagine this-- there he is probably groaning from pain, fading in and out of consciousness, and bleeding all over the dirt road, and people hear something odd then see someone about 20 yards ahead of them laying on the ground. What do you think their reaction would be? Stop and stare? Size up the situation and determine that it would be better to head back to the crossroad behind them to avoid this mess? Walk another 10 yards to get a closer look? What if he had just passed out? Would they poke him with a stick to see if he was... alive? Now, what would you do?

That is exactly what happens.

People walked around him. Passed by him. No one stopped.

It is as if he were invisible.

Don't stop. Don't help. Don't comfort. Don't care. Shame him. Mock him. Accuse him. Belittle him.

I have felt this way-- invisible. Who cares for the one who cares for others? Who encourages the encourager? Who supports the supporter? Who invests in the investor?

I know that the typical, churchy response is... "All you need is Jesus, brother." Really??? By that same logic, I guess I don't really need community with others then, do I? If that were really true then why are there 6 billion people on this planet? No, that's not true. We need each other. God created us that way.

Do we need God? Absolutely. Is Jesus all we need to be made in right standing with God? Absolutely. Is the Spirit of God more than enough for our soul to be quenched and drenched with the love of God? Absolutely. But God also designed this whole human existence as a family, a community. We are not supposed to do life alone.

No one is supposed to be invisible.

I felt this way today. It sucked. I had 20 people pass me by when I needed them most. No one stopped. Some jeered. Some mocked. But no one stopped. I hate feeling invisible.

Spirit of God, please empower us to see the invisible, over-looked, under-appreciated souls that you put in our lives so that they will feel the love of your Son, Jesus, emanating from Your Spirit alive within us. Give us the boldness to move out of our comfort to unleash us into the adventure of living Spirit-led and use us to see the invisible souls around us so that we can embrace them as family. Amen and amen.

unschooled, ordinary

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 23:24:00 +0000

Have you ever read something that just seemed to literally leap off the page at you when you read it?

I have.

It's like the first time I saw a movie in HD with 7.1 surround compared to the SD non-surround that I was used to. It's like when I went to the theater for the second time to watch Avatar by James Cameron only that this time I was watching it in 3D.

It makes me think, "Has that always been there? I am pretty sure it has since I know that I have read this a few times before but something about THIS time really resonates with me."

Have you been there? Have you had this type of experience? My hunch is that you have.

I was listening to an audiobook recently by Francis Chan entitled, "Forgotten God: reversing our tragic neglect of the Holy Spirit" and the entirety of the book reverberated with my soul as if God were strumming the strings of my heart. But one part of this book seemed to leap off the page at me (or in my instance, echo through the speakers).

In the epilogue of the book, Francis encourages readers to do something with what they have read and not allow other well-meaning Christians to "normalize" them. He writes that often when a Christ-follower is fully yielding to The Spirit, the actions of that person can seem a bit extra-ordinary or super-natural. The typical "Christian" response is to pull them aside and "try to calm people down who are just too passionate or too sacrificial and radical."

He then shares how he has done the same to others as well as had this quenching of The Spirit done to him. Francis admits, "As a Church, we tend to do this to people who are passionate and bold. We mellow them out-- institutionalized them, deaden them-- to the work that the Spirit is doing in them."

This next part got me.

God had used Francis to capture the attention of my heart and my soul was attentive and tuned in to what The Holy Spirit wanted me to hear. He continued with Scripture describing what happened after God healed a man through Peter and John who stood trial before the religious leaders because The Holy Spirit performed this miracle. He writes, "When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus." Acts 4:13, NIV

Peter and John were "unschooled, ordinary men." Not superheroes. Not celebrities. Not even well educated. They were definitely not saints according to our traditional, orthodox thinking. They were blue collar workers who were fully yielded to The Holy Spirit living IN them.

I can't get that out of my heart-- "unschooled, ordinary men." In light of this, who am I? What implication does that have for my life? As a person who trusts in Christ, what results or fruit should I see in my life? Admittedly, I am just a t-shirt and jeans guy who is desperately in love with Jesus. If I actually believe the Bible is true about this, then I too have the same Holy Spirit alive within me. The same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead and empowered the Apostles to do all that they did is also alive in me.

Do I actually live like this is true? Can my life be explained apart from the work of The Holy Spirit? Am I living in such a way that people can look at my life and it makes sense? Shouldn't people be saying of me, "Isn't this Dave, the C-average student with no college degree who never attended Bible school? We are astonished at what God is doing in him and through him!"

What's crazy to me is that Peter and John in verse 29 prayed that God would enable them to speak with great boldness. What?!? Didn't that just happen? Yet, in their prayer, they recognized that The Holy Spirit of God within them was all the more capable to do exceedingly greater things than they could imagine! They wanted more. They wanted more of God to be evident in their lives so that people would continually look at their words and actions and declare, "they [are] unschooled, ordinary men, [and we are] astonished!"

I love the response of the people who witnessed all of this. "After further threats [from the religious leaders] they let them go. They could not decide how to punish them, because all the people were praising God for what had happened." (Acts 4:21, NIV) That should always be the response to The Holy Spirit alive and at work in our lives... God gets the glory. Period. (see also Matthew 5:16)

So to you who are like me, ordinary people... may we be fully yielded to act and respond to the work of the Holy Spirit alive and at work in our being so that others may see the outcome of our lives and be astonished giving glory, honor, and praise to our Father in Heaven because we too are with Jesus.

target

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 04:21:00 +0000

There is a target on your back.
The enemy is on the prowl and wants you back.
You may not realize the threat you pose,
But the Enemy who sees you knows.

The One who loves you has set you free
A ransom paid with utmost jubilee.
His blood was the payment for your debt,
Him in you, you in Him; a living duet.

The Enemy fights with cheating and deceit,
Enslaving every soul to cycles that repeat,
Blinding the cosmos with apathy and hate,
It's you The Enemy wants to eliminate.

So there really is a target on your back.
Be ever mindful of impending attacks.
Trust in the life that the King offers freely,
Stand, fight-- you no longer belong to The Enemy.

love makes us human

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 06:37:00 +0000

My wife and I decided to relax a bit tonight after a long weekend working our booth at the Austin Bridal Extravaganza wedding show (she's a visual storyteller). We searched through Netflix for something to take our minds off of the crazy day and stumbled across, Chaos Theory (with Ryan Reynolds).

The movie has some humor, some sexual overtones, and some heart-felt narrative, but it is primarily a story about life choices... and most importantly, love. One of my favorite quotes came near the very end of the movie when Frank Allen (Ryan Reynolds) gives the following sage advice to his soon-to-be son-in-law"

"Frank Allen: Ever heard of chaos theory, Ed? It's a science, tries to determine underlying patterns in chaotic systems like weather, ocean currents, blood flow sort of things. But it turns out that few things are more chaotic than the beat of a human heart. Its beating up, slowing down. Pretty face, flirty stares. It's always changing on what's happening to ourselves out there. It's an erratic son of a b***ch. But underneath all of that bump-da-bump mess, there is in fact a pattern, the truth, and it's love. Most important thing about love is that we choose to give it, and we choose to receive it. Making it the least random act in the entire universe. It transcends blood, it transcends betrayal and all the dirt and makes us human."

change your mind

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 15:00:00 +0000

I get equally amused and frustrated at status updates on Facebook and on Twitter. There seems to be an unending supply of diminished intelligence that flows from the mouths of seemingly thoughtful individuals.

Was that vague? What am I referring to? The power of positive thinking.

The allure of positive thinking is not wrong but it is misleading. And what's worse is that there are people who are convinced that simply taking on a posture of new or different thoughts will actually reshape society or change the world.

Now, to clarify, I do actually believe that our minds and our words are very, VERY powerful. I also believe that re-forming our thought life can have positive influence in our lives. Remember my post about how love is a decision of sacrifice and not just a feeling?

I just want to make sure you're following me on this so far because I am going to take some latitude on overstating my point to make a point.

Positive thinking as a methodology and framework for change is simply a means, not an end. It is a compass that points us to the true source of changed lives, not the destination. Positive thinking only serves to reveal the true nature of our ultimate depravity and unveils a deeper rooted problem with humanity... the heart.

"A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." Luke 6:45

This particular part is worth repeating, "For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." The mind responds to the heart. Another way of saying this is that the heart formulates the framework and foundation with which the mind constructs thoughts. The heart gives the mind boundaries and serves as a reference point and guidepost for the thoughts.

Our heart is the engine that powers the mind and the mind can only think and speak what the heart allows it.

This is why simply making a shift in consciousness or trying to think differently does not actually have lasting impact in this world or in our lives. While they will have a temporary, positive influence, if our hearts are not transformed into something new then our minds will always be impeded by the capacity of our heart.

Have your heart changed, change the world. This is key. What we REALLY need is not to change our minds but to have a heart transplant.

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God." Ezekiel 11:19-20

We need new hearts that no longer restrict our minds to the pattern of this world. Once we have a new heart, then our minds will begin to transform or re-form how we think and act. We will see that the things we think about are somehow unrestricted in how we view others. We will experience freedom and life.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

Notice the significance of this Scripture... this transformation of the mind comes 12 chapters into the book of Romans. The heart in all its failings, depravity and self-absorbed intentions is uncovered and laid bare by the author of Romans. This renewal of the mind comes after this heart condition of the human dilemma is exposed. After discovering that our trying to do good to earn God's favor is debunked. After our struggle with brokenness is revealed. After Christ is declared to be the Victor over brokenness and is revealed as the true source of life and freedom and hope. After suffering is to be expected. After mission is now acknowledged and anticipated as a way of being. After humanity is redefined.

THEN comes the renewing of our minds.

That's a lot that preceded this new way of thinking.

See, to carelessly and candidly suggest that all we need to do in life is to change how we think or shift our consciousness so that this world will become a better place has the potential to poison our hearts with a stubbornness of will that declares "We are all gods and in control of our own future." I am pretty sure that is what got us into this predicament to begin with and more of the same will not save us from ourselves.

What we need is a new heart.

love language

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 17:11:00 +0000

I'm not sure if you've heard of it but all of us speak a love language. It's true! We all have distinct ways that we like to be loved and it is how we translate the actions of others that we determine whether or not someone loves us.

Gary Chapman wrote a book entitled, The Five Love Languages. While I have not read the book, I am a fairly self-aware person and have asked a lot of questions of the most scrutinizing person I know about how I receive love... my wife. She of all people would know this the best, right? The right answer and the real answer is "Yes." :-)

So, the five love languages according to Gary Chapman are as follows:

1) Words of affirmation

2) Quality time

3) Receiving gifts

4) Acts of service

5) Physical touch

While the premise is that we all have one prominent love language, each of these are enjoyed by all people to varying degrees. If you would like to get an idea of which one might be your primary love language, there is a handy online assessment tool HERE.

Just for fun, here are my top two in order of most prominent:

1) Acts of service

2) Words of affirmation

What is your primary love language? How have you seen this to be true in your life?

love?

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 15:00:00 +0000

Love.

Love is a tricky thing.

We refer to love as a commodity. We say that love is rare. We say that it is better to have loved and lost than not at all. We love our pet. We love chocolate. We love our new car or gadget or gizmo.

Then along comes the one. You know THE one. The one who makes your heart beat faster and makes your palms get all sweaty. The one who you can't wait to see or talk to. The one who you wish you could be around forever. Your every thought is consumed with them. You text. You talk. You date.

Yet, we use this word "love" to define the experience that we have and the new reality that we are experiencing as we mesh our life with this one other person's life. We call them soul mates. Our perfect match-- a match made in Heaven. We say that they complete us.

Then there's the other side of love that says that we can fall out of love. As if love was something we could happen into. As if love were a serendipitous accident. We convince ourselves that this once perfect soul mate must not have been the one because we don't feel the same way anymore. The one who completed us no longer completes us and this new upgraded model completes us better. We even call sex "making love."

Always searching. Never satisfied.

We love our new job but get a new one two years later. We love our new wife but get a new one when she becomes a nag. We love our new husband but get a new one when he becomes a cheating, lazy pig. We love our friends until they piss us off.

On and on it goes.

Maybe love as we are accustom to it in this human experience isn't really love. Maybe it's just a word that we use to describe something that is counterfeit to the real thing because the real thing is truly beyond our reality, beyond our words. While we have hints of soul satisfying love and whispers of what love could be, we don't really find what we truly need because we look for it in humans who are just as screwed up and unable to fulfill us as we are.

Unaware of our own inability to love one another well, we wound each other in unexpected ways. Don't believe me? Let's try a few questions...

When was the last time you loved someone you liked?

When was the last time you loved someone you mildly disliked?

When was the last selfless act that you did for someone you downright despise?

When was the last time you did what someone else was supposed to do and didn't demand credit for your actions?

When was the last time you voluntarily gave up time in your schedule for someone else? And didn't let them know that they put you out?

When was the last time you did a job that wasn't your responsibility and didn't complain about it... to anyone?

When was the last time you made cookies for the next door neighbor that drives you absolutely nuts? When was the last time you smiled at them (and not in that "this is my polite smile" way)?

When was the last time you asked for a person's name? A homeless person's name? Your garbage person's name?

When was the last time you asked someone how they were doing... and meant it, really meant it?

When was the last time you told the over-worked, under-paid person at your favorite restaurant or store "Thank you"? When was the last time you asked them how they were doing and meant it?

When was the last time you got eyeball-to-eyeball with someone and just listened?

If you are like me, there are probably a few of these questions that you have done and I celebrate that with you. What a cool God thing to be a part of when someone feels God's love through you (whether you are aware of it or not). But then, if you are like me, there are probably several of these questions that made you wince (even just a little).

Maybe, just maybe, these question serve as a reference point to what love is at its core. A decision of sacrifice; to view another person as more important than ourselves.

In Scripture, John give us a glimpse into the love he encountered as he lived alongside Jesus for three years. He writes...

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." 1 John 3:16

Wait a tick. Let's look at that again.

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." Did you catch that? Jesus laid down his life. It was a decision. And what did that decision entail? Sacrifice.

Love is not a feeling? Well, it can involved feelings but ultimately it is a decision. But that makes sense right? It really is the only plausible explanation for our human experience. If love were as fleeting as feelings then it would be a commodity. Then it would make sense that we could fall out of love because we decided to move on. They are no longer "worth the pain" or "worth the trouble." We get inconvenienced by the sacrifice of love and decide to move on.

I find in interesting that if we back up a bit in Scripture to John's first letter, smartly named John, we find the following verse:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son..." John 3:16a

God loved the world-- us, humanity-- so He gave up His son. Decision. Sacrifice. God decides that we are worth it and decides to give up his Son so that we can know how great His love truly is.

Here again:

Jesus said, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15:13

And again:

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." 1 John 4:10

Tired of all the Scripture from John? Okay, then let's go further back into the olden days when God wasn't loving and just full of wrath. ((sarcasm))

"Long ago the LORD said to Israel: 'I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.'" Jeremiah 31:3

So God loves and Jesus loves and we have a broken form of love that often doesn't much feel like the real thing. So what do we do?

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them." 1 John 4:16

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love." John 15:9,10

The more we choose to love Jesus and focus all our passions and giftedness and talents into loving Him, the more our lives will reflect the love, real love that Jesus demonstrated. Our core being will be transformed into fulfilled selfless lives that radiate love. When we willingly give up our demand to be satisfied and lay down our lives to Jesus He frees us from our love-starved ego and self-driven pride to fill us overflowingly with His life and love.

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesian 3:16-21

restore

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 17:11:00 +0000

In 2010, I chose a word to define the year ahead. That word was equilibrium (see posts here and here).

For 2011, I have chosen to build upon last year's word with the following:

Restore

re·store

[ri-stawr, -stohr] –verb (used with object), -stored, -stor·ing.

1. to bring back into existence, use, or the like; reestablish: to restore order.

2. to bring back to a former, original, or normal condition, as a building, statue, or painting.

3. to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor.

4. to put back to a former place, or to a former position, rank, etc.: to restore the king to his throne.

5. to give back; make return or restitution of (anything taken away or lost).

6. to reproduce or reconstruct (an ancient building, extinct animal, etc.) in the original state.

Not only does this have physical ramifications for my life (see previous post-- gain) but also dramatic spiritual implications.

How so?

Restore-- to rest in silence and solitude with my Father, my God.

Restore-- to attune my spirit to the whispering of Jesus in everyday life with everyone.

Restore-- to be a peacemaker in my home binding us together in harmony by love.

Restore-- to join with God in the reconciliation of all people to Himself.

Restore-- to provoke the comfortable to adventure, the apathetic to curiosity, the sojourning to

seeking.

Restore-- to receive grace.

Restore-- to be made new again and again and again.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:17-21

gain

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 04:00:00 +0000

"How did I get here?"

The thought echoed through my mind like a salutation exclaimed in a vacant auditorium, dull yet reverberating. A million images raced through my minds eye like a picture show of my life. I saw the past 17 years with vivid recollection one snapshot at a time. Each new season of life giving way to a new season giving way to a new season. Nothing changing yet everything changing.

This stranger's gaze locked in tense focus as he stared me in the eyes for what seemed to be an hour as the seconds slowed into minutes. Time was no longer an object of consciousness as the clock ceased to move. I slipped into a daze as this stranger scanned my mind with a power I could not control. My soul was his for the taking as my life story vaporized into his eyes like a cloud or mist being pulled from my body. Every thought. Every emotion. All were now laid bare before me.

Time. That illusive yet ever present reality. Where did it go?

"How did I get here?"

This time the question was audible. The silence, broken but the intense eye combat with someone I vaguely recognized remained-- steady, unwavering.

At long last, the stand off was complete and the Jedi mind trick of this now familiar fellow retreated to the netherworld from which it came. I gasped for breath like a swimmer surfacing from a long dive.

"Something has got to change. But how? What should I do?"

I discovered my reflection as my mind and soul slowly returned to my body with time once again resuming it's rhythmic monotone pace.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

I knew something had to be different. The man that I once was was now barely visible in the mirror and a new chapter of life needed to be written.

That day in September of 2010 as I gazed deep into my own eyes and pondered who I had become, God reminded me of who I was. The well-built, athletic kid with long, wavy hair who loved to laugh and had a passion for music and Christ. While most of the past decade I have been reconnecting with the version of me who gave his life to Christ when he was seven, a part of me had slowly been deteriorating. While I had been so keenly focused on my spiritual well-being, which is good, I had completely neglected my physical well-being to the point that I barely recognized myself.

It truly was time for a lifestyle change.

Since May of 2010 I started having random pain in my chest and breathing problems. I wrote it off as isolated incidences... until it began to happen with more frequency. Then the stomach problems started. I thought it was just hot dogs or pizza. But then burritos became a problem and sandwiches and spaghetti and alfredo. Next thing I know I am downing 4-6 extra strength Tums after every meal (or wanting to vomit... I chose Tums).

Whoa. What?

Chest pain? Check. Shooting pain in my left arm? Check. Shortness of breath? Check.

I thought for months that every night I went to bed that this would be my last night on Earth. That is, until September. In September I got tired of having what seemed to be heart attacks on a consistent basis and I decided to do a bit of research.

I wasn't really sure what the problem was at first but found recommendations to try something called an elimination diet. Start with some common food triggers that tend to be the source of food allergies or food intolerances and then slowly catalog the results. The first food I eliminated was wheat.

I decided to go Gluten-free. No more breads. No more pasta. No more tortillas. You would not believe how much food has enriched white flour or wheat products in it. So, since I realized that this was not quite life threatening (kinda), I chose to allow cheating from time-to-time. For example, I would keep to a strict "Gluten-free" diet unless the temptation from that freshly made brownie was too much. Then I would allow myself a moderate amount so as to alleviate the craving.

It. Worked.

In fact, it is still working. I am still mostly Gluten-free (again, I choose to cheat) and I no longer have the stomach issue nor the chest pain.

I also started to see Dr. Bary from Arboretum Chiropractic and Acupuncture. I had regular monthly visits to a chiropractor when I lived in Illinois due to a back injury in 1999. Those visits had become more like routine check up and maintenance than rehabilitative. However, it had been almost four years since my last adjustment and my body was trying to tell me. The shooting pain in my arm and the shortness of breath were a direct result of shifted vertebrae in my back and neck (yeah, that can happen).

Lastly, I began to exercise my core and monitor my sodium and caloric intake. I figured that if I didn't decide to start trying to live a more heart healthy lifestyle now that when I was 60 years old it just might be too late.

Over the past four month, I have begun reclaim my former self, physically. I am in the process of being restored. While I am not always excited about this lifestyle change (I am human and the smell of fresh pizza is quite tantalizing), I do not focus on what I have given up as much as I have learned how to focus on what I am gaining.

This is huge. Don't miss this.

I would not be four months into this thing if I were constantly thinking about what I gave up or how fun it used to be when I ate whatever I wanted. I would have given up a long time ago. However, every time I decided it was time to work out or pick out dinner, I viewed it as an adventure of exploration. Giving myself over to a more restrictive way of life has actually given me the freedom to enjoy life since I am no longer a slave to my taste buds nor am I driven by my stomach. I have found that focusing on what I am gaining physically-- vitality, wellness, strength-- it has given me the courage to continue.

This has some serious spiritual implications!

The same is true when we chose to submit our wills to Jesus and give ourselves over to Christ. If we focus on what we can no longer do, then we will find this new life to be sucktastic. However, we need to realize that we have to retrain our minds to follow our hearts so that they are no longer slaves to our selfish desires and are no longer driven by the desires of our flesh.

What do we gain when we become servants to only Christ? Freedom. Life.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

"[Jesus said,] 'The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free,'" Luke 4:18

"[Jesus said,] 'I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.'" John 10:10

fight!

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 10:08:00 +0000

Wrestle: to contend, as in a struggle for mastery; grapple.

I wrestle with God.

I struggle.

I question.

I respect and obey authority over me, especially that of Christ, but often I question said authority. Honestly, I do not do so from a pious, self-filled aristocracy, but in a struggle against my own will.

Tonight, I wrestle.

There is a splinter in my heart and mind that pierces my soul.

I dread the future without this struggle.

It is a challenge to deal with the darkness beyond my own skin but more of a sad tale to deal with the darkness that is harbored within my flesh. This will, this glory-stealing, self-preserving, deity-dethroning will persists to sabotage the peace and freedom that is mine through the blood of my Savior, Jesus.

The questions bombard my soul like a heavyweight prize fighter in the third round. I swoon, attempting to dodge each swing but with barely enough stamina to swing back. I take a right hook followed by a body blow. Aching and in pain from the barrage, I reel backwards, shaking my head hoping to clear the double vision from my sight as I desperately, hopelessly seek reprieve from the onslaught...

"Why don't I smile as much anymore and why am I not as happy? At what point did I give up my joy?"

"How come it is easier for me to be okay with you when my bank account is plentiful, God? Why do I have to struggle financially? Can't I pursue You and money at the same time? Why is it always one or the other? I hate this rollercoaster."

"Why do I place so much value on my physical appearance? I am so vain and I don't like that about myself."

"How come my being a daddy weighs so heavily on me? Why don't I cherish my boy like I once used to? This tears me apart, God."

"I blame myself for my wife's stress, but what can I do about it? No one would hire me and still won't. I feel worthless. Why can't I do what I love and what I was born to do AND provide for my family? How come that isn't in Your plan?"

"Why am I so impatient?"

"Why do I falsely believe that I am defined by my career status? I know this is a lie but why does it haunt me and taunt me?"

"I'm not a fun guy to be around anymore. This sucks. What happened?"

With a broken right rib and swollen-shut left eye, I now stand as firm as a drunken sailor aboard a wind-tossed vessel. The world around me is spinning, hazy. The ringing in my ears is accompanied only by the beating of my heart which has now drown out the muffled, taunting crowd. Shielding my face, my opponent lunges at me again... body... head... body. Blood, my blood, stains the mat below mixed with sweat and tears. This epic struggle is taking it's toll.

My soul is weary.

I seek rest.

Where can I go?

"[Jesus said] Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28, NIV

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8, NIV

So I collapse at your feet, Jesus, and confess to you in the darkest of night my deepest insecurities, worries, and wounds. I surrender to you their grasp on my heart and the poison that they inflict on my soul. I have no where else to turn but to you. Who is like you my God, my Savior? What other god has pursued me? Tell me. When have they cared enough to carry my burdens? There is none like you. You are my portion and my strength. Arise, O Holy One and defend me. In You, I am made whole. In You, I find rest. In You, In You...

O Lord bless me and keep me
Cause Your face to shine on me

Lord be gracious

Lift the light of Your countenance

Give me peace

For I live only to see Your face

So shine on me

For I live only to see Your face

So shine on me

Let the light of Your face

Shine down on my heart

And let me feel it

Light of Your Face - Jesus Culture (video)

life... interrupted

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 20:49:00 +0000

Convenience. Comfort. Safety.

I am convinced that none of these have to do with love.

Real love, unconditional love is always disruptive, always sacrificial and rarely convenient.

Sometimes my life gets interrupted-- moments where my true character is revealed. Love does not tend to ooze out of me at these intersections of Faith and schedule. When I get squeezed, my character tends to exhibit anger, impatience, & lack of self-control.

I think about the massive inconvenience it must have been for King Jesus to leave Heaven to become the son of peasants; the discomfort He endured to be ridiculed, mocked, tortured; the risk He initiated to love me when I was far from lovable.

His love is always sacrificial and never conditional.

I often wonder & wrestle with this question... how can I call myself a follower of Jesus when at times my life is not reflective of His?

Jesus, destroy the arrogance in my heart that feels entitled to convenience, comfort, & safety. Work in me, remake me so that in all things you may be glorified. Help me love others with the same love that you have given to me. Make me a person who freely offers real love, unconditional love that is always disruptive, always sacrificial and rarely convenient. Amen & amen.

Posted via email from coveredindust's posterous

cleaning up

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 04:19:00 +0000

I was in my kitchen today doing the dishes, cleaning the stove, wiping down the countertops, and putting away the clean dishes. As I was doing this I had a thought, "How did this counter get so dirty? I have completely left it alone and no one has used this particular area. How did it get so dirty?"

I pondered that while I was spraying the Windex and wiping up the dirt and muck with my paper towel (yeah, I use Windex for everything). It then hit me; it takes no effort to get dirty but takes great effort and intentionality to get clean.

I wondered... does this have a broader implication? Could my experience with my kitchen counter have a transferable conclusion for other areas of life-- i.e. relational & spiritual?

So I chased the rabbit trail in my head.

If I did nothing in my life to pursue purity of relationships nor did I persist to make peace with some of the discord and brokenness with people in my life, it would all just fall apart. I would drift from them. They would get embittered. We would make assumptions about one another with each of us being "right" but neither of us righting ourselves for the other.

This is important.

I can only make myself right with them. I must adjust. It is my responsibility not theirs. I must make the first move. I have to be purposeful with their best interest in mind. I must learn what makes them feel loved and then do it. I must humble myself to admit as much as I can and own my crap... then apologize for how I have wronged them. If I wait for others to do this, it just may never happen.

Why?

Because dirt happens all by itself without any effort. It takes intentionality to live clean with others. Why me first? Because Jesus told me that as His follower, I must be willing to make that first move, to pursue peace at all costs.

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:17-18, NIV)

I must do my part... which is to live at peace with some people. Definitely not the people I dislike or who hurt me, right? That's what it says... right?

Not quite.

Everyone. Last I looked, everyone meant... everyone. Can I just be honest? That sucks. Yeah, that sucks because it's hard and that means that I can't hold grievances against anyone. I may have to get over myself. Heck, it even says that I can't strike back. I can't even give someone else hell who has hurt me-- "Do not repay anyone evil for evil."

What is up with that? How come I have to take it? Why can't I just give them a jab?

Then I think, "What then is the response?" Forgive. That's a cheap answer. The right answer but it just seems to lack substance when someone continues to hurt me. So how do I deal with it?

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Colossians 3:12-14, NIV)

There it is. The whole thing is pretty good but did you catch it? Right there in the middle. Did you see it? Why must I forgive? "Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

Dang.

So, I think to myself, "What were to happen if God one day just gave up forgiving me? What if at some point He just looked at me and said, 'Dude, you've exhausted my ability to forgive. I just can't do it any longer. I know that I said that I would always forgive you but you just keep ending up in the same place... so I am calling it quits'."

Now, I know that God doesn't "give up" on forgiving me because then there would be no such thing as grace. Grace allows for failure and sin though it does not condone either. God's own mercy withholds His justice so that grace can cover over my wrongdoing towards others and toward God. In His love He forgives me not because I deserve it but because Jesus already paid for it. That's crucial. I can be forgiven because what Jesus did on the cross counts for me because I now trust in Him. God forgives me because Jesus died for me and I trust in Jesus.

So what role do I play in all of this?

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." (James 5:16, NIV)

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9, NIV)

Cleaning up takes intentionality, purpose, effort, hard work... it doesn't just happen. It requires humility (which is hard) and owning our own crap (which is hard).

Of course, this is not formulaic. Meaning, just because we humble ourselves plus own our crap plus ask for forgiveness it does not equal the other person reciprocating our good intentions. However, we should never tire of leading the healing process. As Christ-followers, we ought to engage with a passionate fervor to seek out peace with others at all costs. Isn't that what God did for us? He sought peace with us at the cost of His own son's life. Jesus died so that we could have peace with God.

"For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in [Jesus], and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross." (Colossians 1:19-20, NIV)

We ought to pursue peace in the same way with the people in our lives. This is a heart issue. Your heart, my heart becomes a little bit hardened every time we withhold forgiveness, withhold seeking peace. Conversely, we remain pliable and attentive to God's Spirit and His promptings when we boldly and humbly seek out with intentionality clean living and peace with others.

Dirt happens. It takes no effort at all. As lovers of Jesus, may we be a people who passionately pursue peace and clean living with the people in our lives so that they may see Jesus in us.

interlude

noreply@blogger.com (dave) — Wed, 19 May 2010 15:27:00 +0000

Hello?

Does this blogsite still work?

I'm kidding but at some point in the past month you may have actually thought that... I know I have.

I sabotaged my own efforts with the set up for this "elemental faith" series of posts that I wanted to write about. Additionally, life accelerated at a mind numbing pace with my own leadership responsibilities, family duties, and the various aspects of ministry in which I serve.

Honestly though, I think the biggest contributing factor to this interlude was my lack of solitude time. I have had no solitude time-- zip, zilch, zero-- none since the beginning of April. This is spiritually unhealthy for me and directly impacts my ability to create artistically or grow significantly in spiritual formation. That doesn't mean that I plunge into darkness, lies, and debauchery but it does mean that I tend to turn inward rather than focus outward.

So, I am still here. I am still chugging along with leading, loving, and serving others. I am still going to continue the conversation about "elemental faith" in the coming weeks.