Cousin Steve Says....

Happy 2011!!

2011-01-26T08:39:00.003-06:00

So this is 2011. A month into this new and wonderful year and I still can smell 2010 like a poopie diaper in the kitchen garbage can. I personally had a rough 2010. It seemed to burden me like I was carrying a 1,000 pound gorilla who was carrying a dump truck that was full of boulders. No matter what I tried, it was the bully taking my lunch and pushing my face into the snow. Everyday I took 3 steps forward and slipped 7 steps back. But not any more! It's a new year. And with that new year brings new hope and a new job.

I was offered and accepted a job last week to work as a service and warranty representative for a large remodeling company. I am very glad to get a job after being off all winter and am sure that my routine will not change. I hope they don't mind me walking around in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt while drinking coffee and reading the paper. I also am wondering if they will mind me on Facebook and the internet for hours at a time. How will I change??

Trying to save money this winter, I quit going out and had become a non-social. Well that's not true, I had Facebook. Which is crack to a socialite like myself. It has allowed me to keep in touch with everyone without ever leaving the house. Facebook for me, is as bad as it is good. It reunited me with so many lost friends and stole my free time. I have already begun my break from Facebook. I don't want to quit, just slow down. So far, since starting this post today, I have checked it 23,762 times. It's just wrong. I'm going to end up in the Betty Ford Clinic in a straight jacket.

I am excited to get back to a normal life and living in a world where Fridays actually mean something. There is no weekends when your off everyday. Hard to write a blog and be social when your life is in a rut. So... to bring back the normal me, today I have decided to go streaking through my town's downtown area. Just me and my running shoes hauling ass down the double yellow lines as fast as I can while seeing my wonderful reflection in those big store windows. That would be a great kick off to the new me in 2011! Wait, I remembered I need new running shoes. Oh, and I am fat and out of shape. Damn. I think that could have been the jump start I needed. Maybe in a few months. I'll start back at the health club today. I just have to check Facebook...

Exercise Mode

2010-11-29T19:59:00.002-06:00

It should be obvious to me that I have become extremely un-fit. Not as a father, just as the true Olympian that lives deep inside. I know what your thinking.... "No way Cousin Steve, you look great!!!"

You are a liar.

It seems that my personally form fitted Lazy Boy recliner may not have been such a good idea. I had always wonder why the chair came with oxygen and a defibrillator. Oh, but how I love that chair. It holds me like a ginormous mother cradling me in her arms and singing me gentle lullabyes that resemble my favorite tv shows.

Well, feeling like crap and not having a cold I decided to go to my family doctor. He gave me a physical to which I realized I may have a problem. My cardio had slid so bad that I felt I deserved a marathon medal for finishing a trip to the grocery store. On inspection, my doctor found that Thompson boy that had been missing for six days, he was living in one of my fat wrinkles. I don't know where he got an x-box and a flat screen, but he seemed kind of pissed when they returned him to his family. He had actually put on weight.

The doctor ran me through the gamut. He checked for moles and did blood work and checked for things that I didn't realize needed to be checked. I am happy to say, I can still push off the prostate exam for one more year, leaving my virginity intact. Doc decided that my numbers were still too high and figured he would add to my vast collection of meds. One was an injection into my thighs. That freaking hurts. Where did I go wrong???

I had had enough.

The time had come for me to take my life back stop employing an army of prescription making, selling, marketing, charging, and filling people. Sorry folks. I need to change my ways. I need freedom from side effects that cause me to need another medicine that causes the need for another.

It was on October 11th of this year, I was just screwing around on the laptop when I started to notice all these congratulatory comments for marathoners. It turns out that a couple friends of mine ran the Chicago Marathon the day before and were crazy excited about finishing. One of them, quit smoking a year earlier and decided to make her life right and run the marathon. Now she's a running addict. Then it dawned on me, that's what I need. I need a goal. Not just a lose 40 pounds goal. A gigantic goal. I was going to run the next Chicago Marathon. On 10-11-2011, I decided on running and finishing the Chicago Marathon.

Yup, my fat ass was in trouble.

My wonderful wife and I joined a health club and are four weeks into my marathon training. Every time I run, I proudly hold my head up high, take a deep breath, and wonder "WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING???!!!" But then the endorphins kick in, and I finish my half lap, walk it out and go home. People say, "How do you do it Steve?" I just turn to them and say, "Totalitarianism is precursor to a country that has no heart, man. Free Tibet!" What else is there to say.

Wish me luck. I am running in memory of my little sister Kate. She was a great runner. I only became a good runner in order to catch her when she wronged me. I was like Rocky Balboa frantically running around trying to catch the chicken. Katie was fast. Yup, like a chicken. (She would of killed me for saying that.)

The show must go on

2010-10-22T20:24:00.002-05:00

It has been over a year since I deserted this, my oh so precious blog baby, and most any other link I had to regaining sanity. Depresion is a bitch. I need to regain the ground that I enjoyed so much. But can I dedicate the time?? I need to. I have so much more good material. It was a wonderful place to get lost in. Cousin Steve is fun.

I just wonder if this is still a valid medium? Is there anybody there? I can't blame anyone for walking away, even a pet rock would have perished. I am so tired of Facebook that I could throw up. Like 29 shots of Rumple Minze throw up. Speaking of, ever been so drunk that you thought milk would settle your stomach?? I have. Ha. It didn't end well.

So many great stories to tell. Like the aliens and the probe, my sex change, my sex change back, then I did it again, then back, then I was turned into a dog. Now I'm back. But I still run on all fours and drink out of a bowl by the back door. I'm just kidding, I don't run. You guys are so gullible.

Please comment, if you would like a Cousin Steve return. Inquiring minds want to know.

From a Galaxy Far Far Away.....

2009-08-24T19:36:00.003-05:00

OK, I don't have much time..... Aliens have abducted me and I am in their ship. They consider me a perfect human specimen. I don't know what they are planning, but they feed me well. Very well, I am putting on weight like crazy!!! Which is weird, because we are in outer space. I should be weightless!!

Let June know I am in the 4th quadrant of the something or another galaxy. Tell her I have my Genuine Star Trek Communicator but I think the batteries are low, it doesn't work at all. She can find me that way I hope. And have her call NASA, Buck Rogers, and Luke Skywalker and come get me.

Don't get me wrong, they seem very nice to me. I think we are close to our destination, they keep talking how I am the guest of honor at the Captains feast. I ask what we are having and they just laugh. I bet I won't like it!!

Well, I hope that sheds some light on where I have been. I have to go now I think I hear Shleplar coming.

Bye! Get June!!

Your Cousin,
Steve

P.S. Or I have just been "summer" busy. Be back in full swing soon.

Bean Spilling

2009-08-03T15:05:00.005-05:00

In the light of previous comments I have decided to spill all the beans.......just to get it all in the open. Cousin Steve style of course.

I have never made out with a manatee.

One of my legs is shorter than the other.

I wear contacts, and not the colored ones. Blind as a bat without them.

I like Pina Colada's and getting caught in the rain.

I enjoyed testing the "cat's always land on their feet" theory with our cat Louie, as a kid. Poor Louie. That's why he would come and bite me on my head in the middle of the night.

I think that stop signs with white borders are optional.

When I was 14, I told my mom that I broke my arm when I accidentally fell of my bike. When I really broke it doing something stupid on my bike.

I rode and elephant once, bare back.

One time when my parents were out of town and I was 20. They called to check in on me. I told them I was having a kegger party in their house. Mom laughed so hard she couldn't talk and handed the phone to my dad. I told him also. He didn't believe me either. They both were laughing now. Then dad said in a joking voice "Well, have a good time at your KEGGER". I said "I will" and hung up the phone and finished tapping the keg. We went through two kegs that night. A couple years ago I was talking with my parents, and since I was now married with two kids and a mortgage, I came clean on quite a few things. I figured, what, are they going to ground me?? I said "Remember when you guys were in New Orleans and I said I was having a kegger party in your house.....". The truth will set you free.

I once swam in Lake Michigan in downtown Chicago in a tux. Pissed of the limo driver.

I participated in senior ditch day on my sophomore, junior and senior years. I couldn't help it. You cannot watch a movie like Ferris Bueller's Day Off and not want to reenact it. I live just outside of Chicago for crying out loud. All we needed was a Ferrari.

I didn't start smoking until I was 20. I have been smoke free for two years now. Quiting IS one of great accomplishments.

I almost got in trouble by park rangers as a teenager one night. We had a huge bonfire at the beach. There was over a hundred from my high school. The southern sandy shores of Lake Michigan are awesome for bonfires. Park rangers came running out from all directions. We scattered like cockroaches. I guess I just ran faster than most. Due to fear, I bet I could have set some Olympic records for sprinting across sand that night.

I have never been in a hot air balloon. But want to.

June is not in outer space......... yet.

I believe, "You've got to stand for something, or you'll fall for anything."

Till next time....... live. I do.

Your Cousin,
Steve

Still Fishing

2009-07-25T19:20:00.002-05:00

I am way too loaded to write this, but i will try anyway. OK, I can't.

We just just got off the lake. Spent most of the day in a place they call "party cove". Way too much alchohol and swimming and fun. Little Steven is just getting used to this. I need some food badley. I could eat the north end of a south bound mule.

Think about it.

Talk at you all later.

Your Cousin,
Steve

Gone Fishin'

2009-07-22T22:51:00.003-05:00

Unfortunately for the blogging world, my quick return is contended with a quick leave of absence. So, both of you will have to find something to do. Just kidding. I know that's you mom.

I am throwing my lovely wife, the kids, and myself into the truck and heading to central Missouri for a long weekend and much needed break. I have had enough of reality this past seven months, and I am high tailing it out of town. One of my freinds offered us to come down to his lake house in the Ozarks. How, in the name of everything holy, could I turn that down?

As crazy as it sounds, I will be in the middle of nowhere and still have internet. I just might check in. I just might check in ....... tipsey.

Is it masculine to say tipsey?

How about buzzed.

How about buzzed blogging? I like it! That could be fun!! It might be more funfor me than you.

I can see it now.....

Title : I love you man

Blog: I love you man. No..... i don't think you know what I mean...... I reeeaaally love you man. Remeber when you pulled me out of that burning building??? Me neither. But... I love you man. We've been like freinds like forever, man. I would take a bullet for you man...... Hey...... don't get shot or anything.... because I really don't want to take a bullet...... you know...... don't leave me man... (start crying for no reason) ..... I gotta go.....

I love you man.

(Yes, I have drunk dialed)

It used to be a common New Years thing for me. After the countdown, after champagne, after all the hugs and kisses, I would head outside and call everybody who wasn't at the party. I would start with Mom and Dad, then freinds, family, ex-girlfreinds, enemies, my mailman, my first grade teacher, as a matter of fact I wouldn't finish up until noon on New Years Day and I would be stone cold sober. And confused.

But enough of that, I headed out of town. Won't be back until next Tuesday.

Waahoooo! (With fist pump into the air) Then they freeze frame me mid-air, fist up high, and with a smile on my face. Just like they would do at the end of every 80's TV show.

Gosh, how times were simple when Ponch and John patrolled the highways..... (for all you young-ins, they were on CHiPs. The greatest cop show for a kid in the 80's.)

I was always John.

The highways were never so safe...

Hopefully my reverence for the highway patrol as a kid cuts me some slack on my travels this trip.

Take care all.

Cousin Steve

Diapers, Beer, Handstands, and a Skirt

2009-07-21T00:05:00.001-05:00

I was going to do a blog on how to change a diaper while drinking a beer, doing a handstand, and wearing a skirt. But, I realized what a cool video that would be. I could be the next YouTube sensation. Millions of people would be impressed by my amazing talents. I would be rich.

Then FlyNavy pointed out that I was male, and real men don't wear skirts. I was going to change the skirt to an apron. Like the ones that guys grill in or chefs wear. But, I don't have one. As a matter of fact. I have never seen a guy grilling in one in real life, not in a restaurant, and not on TV.

MaeMae suggested I wear a kilt. It would be fitting to my Irish/Scottish heritage. I have a right to wear a kilt, I thought. And I would, if I had one. It seems as the only thing I actually had was one of my wife's skirts. What if she saw me?.... awkward!

Then it occurred to me, if I was doing all those things, how was I going to hold the camera? I don't have a tripod. I really think I do, it just got lost in the move 2 years ago. You can't lay the camera on the floor an catch something so "spectacular" as that. And that whole books on a table thing only works for family photos.

I really had to start looking at all the other variables...

1. The only diaper wearing child I have is my almost 2 year old that would only sit still for me if I hit him with an elephant tranquilizer.

2. I could actually spill the beer. Nuff said.

3. A handstand...... maybe if a crane had me by the ankles. (If you believe my body really looks like the pictures to the right, I have two words for you...... photo shop)

4. I am not buying an apron or kilt just to do a video. These are rough economic times people. I can only afford a thong. Kind of an awkward place to put "Kiss the Cook".

So really, I cannot deliver the "awesome feat" that I wanted to, at this present time. Maybe I will start a diaper, beer, handstand, apron training regiment soon. Don't be too surprised when that picture shows up on the blog.

A man can dream, can't he?

Your Cousin,

Steve

P.S. Didn't think I would actually do a blog about that stuff, did you. Well, me neither. Oh, always making me mother proud.

Heartfelt Thanks

2009-07-20T00:01:00.017-05:00

Hey Y'all!! Thanks so much for all the kind words. It was really heartfelt to my family and I. You may not know it, because they don't always comment, but my family are frequent Cousin Steve readers. My mom loved to go on to check out the nice comments.

We had the wake for Katie on Friday and the funeral on Saturday. It was great to see all the people come out of hiding. Sad that it takes an event like this to see everyone, but still great. It's almost better than a family reunion, because you get all sides of the families AND you get your friends. I swear at one time, it was like the front door was an exit to a people factory. Just a never ending line of people.

There were many things, this weekend, that made "happy" triumph over "grief". I convinced my cousin Beth (Aunt Barbara's daughter) to do the first reading at Kate's funeral mass. She was very nervous, however, I knew who her mom was, and also the kind of person Beth is. She did very well. Aunt Barbara did the second reading, showing what a true veteran of the pulpit she is. My mom's cousin Noreen sang solo's during the mass. Noreen comes from a family of very gifted singers. Her gift, and I do mean gift, is from heaven above. Noreen sang an Ave Maria that made you close your eyes, sit still and take it all in. It would bring you to tears at a birthday party.

There was just so much going on, between aunts and uncles and cousins and friends, it's hard to tell all. You and I don't have the time!

I almost forgot!!

My cousin from Nebraska came in. She is a fireball full of laughter. She has these four wonderful kids, to which I can't get enough of. The youngest one of them is my God-daughter. She is two and is so sweet, the American Dental Association put a warning on her that she "may cause cavities". I was very happy to see my cousin and clan.

(now that's were I should of ended, but I am so full of crap, I just keep going......)

I was surprised to see her because, she is doing some super secret stuff with NASA. I would tell you her name (June), but I am afraid that some G-men might come and break down my door. I promised (June) that I wouldn't say a word about the visit so as not to compromise (June's) mission. Most of you are not aware that she (June) is a martial arts expert, and a yoga goddess. She (June) knows how to kill someone 1,736 ways with a ball point pen.

So from me, you will get nothing..... (about June).

To go back to where I started, all jokes aside. Thanks for the kind words. It meant allot to me that so many people took the time to write something and hit send. I know that loosing our loved ones is a part of life. But it's a rough part. And every little bit and kind word helps. Kate is with Dad now, and if I know them. They are shaking up the place. I can only hope that they don't burn heaven down before I get there. I'm sure they have a fire department..... right??

My Dad and Sister

I'll bet they are walking around like that right now. The big proud father taking care of his baby girl. I will forever miss them, and never forget them.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May all the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Your Cousin,

Steve

Next Blog: How to change a diaper while doing a hand stand, drinking a beer, and wearing a skirt. I can do it and you can too.

An Early Goodbye

2009-07-14T16:40:00.003-05:00

With a heavy heart I give you news. Today, July 14, 2009 at 1:30 PM my little sister Katie passed away at the age of 35. After a long and arduous battle, MS had done too much damage this time. I love my sister and will miss her very much. We are very thankful for all the thoughts and prayers that everyone has given throughout her fight. She is at peace and is looking down upon us now.

There's always room for another angel I guess.

Your Cousin,
Steve

Roller Skating Water Babies

2009-07-10T12:01:00.001-05:00

Here's a great Friday pick-me-up.

I love this commercial.

My kids didn't do any of this!!

Your Cousin,

Steve

A Monday What???

2009-07-07T17:14:00.006-05:00

It has become aware to me that there was a significant jump on my visit meter this past Monday.

.... seems odd....

.... I wonder what could of done that?....

.... I mean....

.... why Monday?....

.... it's like.... ahhh....

.... it's like those visitors expected to see something....

.... but what....

.... what in the world would so many people want???....

.... so many....

.... WAIT!!!

Wait one cotton picken second!

Don't you girls think for one sliver of time, that I would stoop so low as to....... to.....

I'm shocked.

I want to make perfectly clear that I am as straight as a lazer.

I am so straight, that they use me to lay out runways.

I am so straight, that I can line a football field without string.

I am so..... so..... sorry for what I am about to do..

AVERT YOUR EYES FELLAS!!!!

Ladies, I present to you, in full color....

"Junior"

That's right ladies!! He's almost two. Take it all in.

I give in to women so easily....

shamefull.... just shamefull....

Believe it or not, it was the first picture of way too many. He's a chip off the old block.

Anything I can do to please.

With Love,

Cousin Steve and Cousin Steve Jr.

June and the Incredible Spinning Thing

2009-07-03T09:05:00.002-05:00

Any of you that read my reasons for June not to blog, KNOW that June is at NASA. I talked to her again last night on the super secret special underground IASFOS network. (By the way IASFOS stands for "I am so full of ...."). She had just got done doing that centrifuge thing that spins you around to see how man G-forces you can handle. She threw up all over it. It then started to short circuit and eventually caught fire. June got out safely. But the whole building burned to the ground. No one was lost. The only injury was a fireman that tripped while getting off the truck. He's out of surgery now and is expected to make a full recovery. He was the station chef, so he is sorely missed.

Did you hear about it on the news??? Nope. That's how super special secret her mission is.

But you get my drift, June is still OK. Packing boxes and kissing kids. Life is good.

As for my little sister, she is still fighting for her life. They started a new treatment yesterday.

Keep hope alive.

Your cousin,
Steve

Update

2009-06-27T15:04:00.002-05:00

OK, I am jumping in to make an update.

June = OK

Katie = Not so OK

I have two reasons why June is AWOL. One is true the other is not, I will let you decide.

Reason 1.

June is at NASA. She was invited there to do some top secret blogging swoon thing from space. Totally designed to get middle eastern women to start showing more ankle. In return, that is expected to drive the middle eastern men crazy. Therefore, making them lovers and not fighters. Ending all fighting.
She has been training hard and it is taking a toll on her. One day, after a severe day of training, she logged on to blog (she loves you guys) and accidentally hit the wrong button. I am still not sure why Blogger put the "lock out blog" button next to the "post blog" button. Kind of seems stupid to me.

How I know this is, I called a favor in to some CIA buddies of mine and they set up a direct link through the super secret IASFOC network. I am sure that most of you have never heard of that network..... there is a reason for that. It's super secret. But she sounds good, and she is learning how to use the super powers they implanted in her.

Oh, crap.

I wasn't supposed to say anything about her super powers. NASA is going to be pissed. Oh, well. It's not like I can erase everything I say......

I will say that, very soon, she will be able to type 3700 words a minute. Currently she is 2900.

Amazing, just amazing.

Or..... reason 2

She is moving, and she has 4 kids (some in sports), and it's summer. So pretty much, she is busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. She is on a much needed blog break. Every other time she tried to take a break, she felt guilty.
She is picking out paint colors, packing, and enjoying her kids. It's allllll good.

Good luck on picking the real reason...........

As for my sister Katie, she still needs prayers. She is still in the hospital (since May 31st). She is not doing well right now, but they say the prognosis is good. It's hard to believe that when things keep happening. She has been on a ventilator and in the intensive care unit since Thursday.

I always thought that going to intensive care was a bad thing...

We keep hope and we pray. And have become very familiar with hospital cafeteria food. Not so good. I must have confidence that the doctors at UIC Hospital know what they are doing.

Well, that's the updates. The good and the bad.

That's all for now. I have to jump in the shower and get back up to the hospital. Never enough time in a day.

Your Cousin

Steve

Ummmmm... June?

2009-06-23T20:35:00.003-05:00

It has been brought to my attention REPEATEDLY that my cousin June is "off the air". I can sense the hormones raging in desperate need of a Monday Swoon. Don't look at me, I am a man. And a real man, of course, would not post scantily clad pictures of other men on his blog. I am one of those men.

I am so "real man" ish...

that I channel thoughts from Charles Heston to the NRA regularly.

that I got a paper cut and axle grease came out.

that I once shot myself in the stomach because it growled at me.

that... ahh never mind. You get the picture.

Back to June's blog.

I have no idea what is going on. I have not talked to June in a couple of weeks. I'll bet, she might be doing a hot yoga workout marathon. She's crazy enough to do it. I swear she is. 4 days straight. A World Record attempt, I'm sure. She will be recovering for weeks from a hospital bed. Poor, poor June.

But, seriously. I'm on it.

Cousin Steve OUT!!

Pray for Katie

2009-06-10T20:18:00.006-05:00

I'm sure you figured that I'm on a break. My sister has fallen ill and she is in the hospital. She has MS and this time it threw her to the ground. She is having a very rough time. She has been in for 10 days now.

Pray for her.

I'll be back soon.

Cousin Steve

What's With the Fridge?

2009-05-29T00:01:00.000-05:00

People have an obsession with refrigerators. I don't know why, they just do. Not even when my truck was brand new, did it get it as much attention as it did with a fridge in the bed.

It all started last week when my mom called me to ask "What temperatures is your fridge supposed to be at?" Like I'm some sort of encyclopedia. Well. Most of the time I am. But this time, I didn't know, so I said, "One side should be cold, and one side should be colder."

I mean, that's it's job. It's sole purpose. Freeze and cool the food. Right? Remember that.

Mom didn't find my comment to be as funny as I did. She wanted numbers.

I reached down deep, into my small little mind and pulled out...."Fridge side 35 F to 40 F, and freezer side 0 F or colder." I didn't really know. I used the good 'ol reliable Internet. I love high speed Internet. She never knew.

She does now.

Hi Mom!!

Anyways...

It was apparent that something was wrong with the unit. Finally, Friday had come, and it was falling off it's last legs. Time for "Steve To The Rescue!!!" I picked up a refrigerator and headed to Mom's. She was happy.

Then, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, Memorial Day came.

My wonderful wife, kids and myself, headed off to Mom's/Grandma's house for a cook out. After a wonderful day, I loaded up the broken fridge and headed out. I figure I would take the bad unit to the scrap yard after work on Tuesday. Did you know the scrap yard will PAY you to recycle? If you didn't, check into it. Free money for junk. Me likey.

So, Tuesday I go to work like normal (with the fridge). As soon as I got there, it started. What started you ask? They unstoppable fridge questions. That's what. And every time it went like this...

Them: "Is that a refrigerator in your truck?

Me: "Yup."

Them: "What's up with it?

Me: "It's broken."

And here's the part that gets me.

Them: "What's it doing?"

SERIOUSLY??! The only way I knew to answer that question was...

Me: "It stopped freezing and cooling the food."

For as we all know, THAT'S IT'S JOB!!!!

I must of went through that same scenario about two dozen times. I even had people call me because they drove past my work and saw it in the truck. It was all the same questions. Except as the questions went on, my answers got worse.

I only had it for less than a day. And that was way to long.

Now, I know that new fridges do all sorts of things. But, are you crazy enough to junk a fridge because the night light burnt out? Push it out the door because it stopped crushing ice? Heave it into the yard because the water stopped coming out of the in-door dispenser??

NO!! If you do, stop it! Have you seen the price of new fridges?? Once I had to put a deposit and leave my drivers licence at the counter just to look at one on the showroom floor. When we bought our new fridge a couple years back, the price of my home doubled.

Fridges get junked because they freakin stop working. If the ice maker doesn't work, a fridge has a "problem". It's not junk.

I may seem like I am complaining, but in all truth. Those questions kept me laughing all day.

From the great Muppet creator Jim Henson,

"My hope still is to leave the world a bit better than when I got here."

Have a great day.

Steve

Up, Up and Away

2009-05-22T12:01:00.005-05:00

I would be an absolute liar if I said that, I, a grown man, do not love the computer animated movies. I am just a big kid at heart and I've got to see these things. I enjoy them as much as my kids. For years, we didn't go to the movies because of the wee ones. We thought we would just save the money and the hassle and wait for them to come out on DVD.

Well, guess what. You miss those too.

For us, going to the theater to see a movie is an event. Renting a movie is what we do when there is nothing else to do. Big difference. In the summer there is always something to do. We loose track of allot of movies. I get discouraged at how many movies that I never got to see. I was waiting for them, for crying out loud. And now they are in the "used to be new, but so many new movies came in that we have to move it to the OLD shelf" section.

They keep making movies, and if your not watching them, they get lost in the dust of old movies.
Don't let that happen with these great family movies. Take your kids to the theater. Matinees are cheaper. Buy candy at the store, it's cheaper. And.... theater butter popcorn RULES! It's an adventure, and allot of fun to watch their faces if you can take your own eyes off the screen.

Which brings me to the real reason for this post.

Disney/Pixar's newest movie "Up" is coming out in a week.

"Up" looks great. I'll give you a quick rundown.

It's about a 78 year old balloon salesman, Carl. Carl and his wife, Ellie, always dreamed about going to this wonderful place called "Paradise Falls" in South America. Well... one thing leads to another and time and Ellie pass with the couple never taking that much sought after trip. As a widower, Carl becomes filled with grief and guilt as he misses his wife so much, he shuts out the world. Being forced to go to a old folks home, Carl has the last laugh and unleashes thousands and thousands of balloons that rip his house right off the foundation. The house and his dreams take to the air. Carl regains some satisfaction.As Carl and his house are airborne and flying along, there is a knock at the door. Carl has an accidental stowaway. It's Russell, an 8 year old kid trying to do one good deed to get his last patch to become a full Wilderness Explorer. Carl isn't happy with the situation, but, he's going to Paradise Falls. Kid or no kid. The adventure ensues.

The rest.... you'll just have to see it for yourself. Opens on Friday, May 29, 2009.

And if I know Disney and Pixar (Toy Story, A Bug's Life, Monsters, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Cars, Ratatouille, and WALL-E). "Up" should be a great adventure for all ages. Don't wait for it to come out on DVD. Throw the family in the car, truck, van, train or plane and get to a theater on a Saturday afternoon and treat everybody.

In the words of Walt Disney

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."

Here is a link to the full trailer for "UP"

Have a great day.

Steve

Don't Blink

2009-05-21T16:29:00.000-05:00

I love my kids. I wish they would stay little. But, no matter hard I try, they are growing up. The little, cute, and tender babies turn into toddlers then immediately into adults, as far as they are concerned. It seems like one day I was helping Kylie walk and now she wants to be little miss independent. I say, "Tough crap little girl, I enjoy being daddy. And that's what daddies do". I have a funny feeling that she will always be my little girl.

Kids have two types of "growing", growth spurts and mind spurts. Growth spurts kind of suck. It amazes me when you put little Johnny to bed, his jammies fit. Now in the morning he looks like Tom Hanks in Big. It now means that all those outfits you just bought, don't freaking fit anymore.

Now, mind spurts, I like. Mind spurts to me are when they do something today that would of never happened yesterday. I watch it happen to my daughter. Sometimes she just blows me away. Yesterday she was my little girl, today, she is giving me all the "gossip" from her kindergarten class. Why in the heck does kindergarten even have gossip? Why do they need drama? Has this world promoted drama as a part of life? When I went to kindergarten we had story time, play time, nap time, cookie and milk time. All in a half day. I was even so tired from all that, I would go home and take another nap. There was no drama, I didn't even learn how to spell drama until fourth grade. Drama was a word used to describe a play.

Back to the spurts.

My little Steven had a growth spurt mixed with a mind spurt. Yesterday, he was throwing green beans from his highchair, today he sits in a chair alone like a man.

Well... that's if you consider a 21 month old wearing a bib eating a hot dog while wearing a diaper, a man. I knew it was bound to happen. I just wasn't ready for this one. It hit me right between the eyes. He and I were home alone. I was making dinner for us and I said "Time to eat buddy!". He came into the kitchen, climbed into a chair, and gave me the "let's eat" look. I thought, "why not". We tried it, and it worked.

What's next?

"Steven, want to go for a ride?" And he drives???

I told my lovely wife what had happened when she got home. She wasn't pleased. Let's face it. If it was up to her, he would still be sleeping in a bassinet next to the bed with his legs hanging out. She has a TINY thing about letting go.

It's a simple reminder to slow down and take a look around every once in a while. Time stops for no one. Blink and it's gone.

Bill Cosby once said.

"The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now."

Enjoy it while you can. And have a great day.

Steve

Let It Be

2009-05-18T00:01:00.002-05:00

Well, after a long thought. I have decided that June has put way too much work on the Monday Swoons for me to take it over. I know, I am her cousin. She is on a break, let it be. Corral the hormones ladies.

And being of the male persuasion, I am not sure that I would be too comfortable in my own skin posting pics of lightly clad men on my blog. After all, my dad (god rest his soul), is watching me at all times. Kind of allot of pressure. And believe me, it's not that I worry dad would think I switched to the other side. He would just tease me for doing a picture blog on men.

After all, how do we know that June won't post a Swoon for the girls?? We don't. I can't read minds, can you? What I should do is a swoon for the guys. Yeah, that's it.

Can you say LEAD BALLOON.

And that is how it would go over. My wife would freaking kill me. She might have a slight problem with me not helping her around the house because I was searching for that perfect bosoms in string bikini online.

So for now, the only "swooning" I am going to do is for my lovely wife.

But in case June doesn't, I give you something to hold you over......

A couple of pics I had laying around.....

It's all I can do to keep both sides happy. Don't think of me as an exhibitionist, think of me as sharing what god gave me, to you. It's not easy being me, but someone has to do it.

And now...

Quotes from the late great George Burns.
George lived just past 100 years old.

"I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate."

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."

"I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere."

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible."

"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."

"I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked."

Thanks, and have a great day.

Steve

Don't Touch Anything.....

2009-05-16T11:19:00.007-05:00

Today is Saturday. What a beautiful day. Sun shining, birds chirping, flowers blooming, and lawn growing. Just a great day. It is also the day that Kylie plays her soccer games on. Games are in the mornings so you have the rest of the day to yourselves. All is done by noon. Perfect.

Did I mention it rained yesterday?

Not only did it rain, bit it poured.

It rained so much that Kylie even said she doesn't have to water the flowers. It rained so much that I saw two elephants and two zebras and two lions and two monkeys with luggage walking down the street. It rained so much that a couple of guys asked if they could fish off my "pier", I call it my front porch, and no you may not. It rained so much that... well you get the picture. We are not really flooded, don't send the Coast Guard, but thanks.

Back to were I was.

We are getting ready to go the soccer game, Wait! Did I mention that I am the Assistant Coach??! (I put that in caps to show the importance) Yes. "Mr. did not want to get involved with anything he had no idea how to do", got involved. I have a shirt that says "Asst Coach" on the back and everything. Sure I can coach, I played soccer, WHEN I WAS EIGHT. As it turns out, Mr Football knows all there is to teach a five year old how to play soccer. Those rules are,

1. Kick the ball with only your foot.

2. Do not use your hands.

3. Do not let the other team score in your goal.

4. Do not hit other kids.

5. No crying.

It's actually very simple, and I am "involved" with my kid. How much better could it be? One more notch toward "father of the year". Did you know, as a coach you feel just fine about yelling at your kid across the field more than any other kid? One notch back down.

So..... back to the story.

Getting Kylie ready for the game and it rained last night...

I had enough foresight that it "might" be muddy at the field, and to be prepared. It turns out it was, to the likes of which I have never seen before. What those kids did to that field and the field did to those kids, I was not prepared. Everybody had mud on them. The coaches, the parents, the grandparents, everybody. When the game started, it was the black team against the red team. At the end it was the brown team against the brown team, the brown team won. I wasn't sure which team had the ball or who scored the goal. It didn't matter, it was more fun that anybody thought you could have on a Saturday morning.

Lots of laughs were had and it was all fun and games right up until we realized the kids had to get home. That is when I told Kylie she was going to have to walk home, just kidding. I had to somehow get her in my truck. My nice clean wonderful but still love my daughter very much truck. Luckily I had enough foresight.... OK, my wonderful wife told me to bring a towel "in case Kylie got a little dirty". Thank God for my wonderful wife.

I draped the towel over the back seat, picked my little angel up and gently placed her on the towel. I buckled her in. And in a soft and stern fatherly voice I said "Don't touch anything." My first thought was to hose her off in the yard, but I believe she deserves more respect than my lawn mower. We contained the mess to near the back door and had her clean and new car looking in no time at all. And since it is Saturday, I stayed in the same clothes and mowed the lawn. Why clean up to get dirty all over again?

It's Saturday's like this that make the work week so long. What a muddy golden opportunity it was today.

I am blessed.

Quotes from the late Milton Berle

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."

"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."

"I live to laugh, and I laugh to live."

"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"

"He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front."

"Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is."

"What is this, an audience or an oil painting?"

Have a great day!

Steve

Excuses, excuses,excuses...

2009-05-14T19:00:00.002-05:00

Ok, I guess I have some splainin' to do.

"Where the heck have you been??!" and "Are you coming back??!" and "Did you die??!" and "Want to loose weight quickly and keep it off??!" seem to be the questions I get most.

First off, I feel better. Not all done with the medical malarkey, but according to the way I feel, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope it's not a train.

Second, spring is here! Thank God! With the beautiful weather comes yard work and chores that have been waiting all winter to be done. I love working around the house. I am that guy who walks his lawn everyday to hunt down any rouge weeds that think they can grow in my yard. It's a grave battle and many will die. I will not stand down or give in, I will be victorious!! (Gimme a break. It's my dad's fault. He drilled into my head the finer knowledge and diligence needed to keep a great lawn. That, is a blog for a different day, bless his soul.)

Third, is kids on the loose. I can't get enough of watching my children play outside. Kylie, almost six, and Steven, almost two, run around like a couple of nut balls. Steven is exploring everything he can and Kylie wants to direct him to do what she wants, with usual failure. He would rather go get a ball, pick it up, climb to the top of the stairs on the front porch, throw the ball down the stairs, then, go down the stairs, get the ball and repeat. It amazes me how many times he will actually do this. Every once in a while he will take the ball into the yard a kick around for about ten seconds, then back to the stairs! Kylie, however, always wants to water the gardens, I am the only one who could get lily pads and cat tails to grow in a regular garden thanks to her.

Forth is..... summer is here. Time to shed the multi layers, get out and do stuff. Preferably fun stuff, but none the less. I am so glad that summer is here that I have to sit on both hands to keep from waving at everybody! My smile would have to be surgically removed from my face!

So, I guess my point is... sorry for not posting, I am doing much better, and thanks for the patience.

Now to other business...

I believe smiles and laughter are as important as air. And because I really do believe that, I would like to start adding some funny quotes and sayings at the end of each blog. A smile makes everyday better. Tell me what you think...

From Rodney Dangerfield...

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get."

"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."

"I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face."

"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

"I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning."

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I told him I want a second opinion. He said okay you're ugly too."

"The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it."

"I tell ya, I get no respect."

Have a great day!

Your Cousin Steve

That's Not All.....

2009-04-17T15:27:00.001-05:00

Patience is a virtue. I have none, but I am told that every time I freak out. The patience that some people have shown that still come and check me out everyday is amazing. I am humbled.

I have been gone for a while on medical leave. They (the medical staff of Northwest Indiana) have no idea what is wrong with me. A couple of things are obvious, I guess 2 and 2 are equaling 19 right now. So for now, they would like to sit and wait for a while to see what else happens. Maybe I will grow another head or something. Maybe if I turn into a hermaphrodite with two arms growing out of my ass and a set of udders they will do something!

That does not make me happy.

I understand that sometimes things don't happen easily. I also understand that the human body is a complex machine. I also understand the medical industry still does not know everything about us. Just like in most jobs, there are variables.

The only thing that I know is, I feel like crap 95% of the time. I go to work, and be a dad, and be a husband, and do my chores, and I suck it up because it's what I am. Most people do.

So for now, I will practice "patience". I did say practice.

I would also like to start blogging again. I miss it. I believe that humor can help me. I believe that humor can help all.

I am taking the family to my mothers for the weekend. She doesn't live that far away, she just wanted some weekend company. It will be a good time. I need to pack to go.

So as for now, thanks for the patience. I will reward that patience with ME!! What more could one want????

Be Right Back

2009-03-31T22:52:00.004-05:00

Sorry all. Taking a medical leave. Been feeling like crap. Still didn't recover from "the mysterious sickness" yet. Doc is pretty sure he can remove my head from my ass. But seriously, getting closer to a prognosis. I'll be back soon. I miss my blog.

Buisiness Time

2009-03-20T00:01:00.001-05:00

I came across this gem. It's a rare look into the male psyche. To all the women out there, this just might be too much for you. You might want to put on a helmet and some protective gear or something.

Told you.

16 years ago today, I met my wife. She was a cute, quiet, shy girl. Who at the time must have been blind, deaf, and with a head injury to stick with a boy like me. Some mutual friends of ours suckered her, I mean, set us up.

I stole a kiss, she stole my heart. The rest is history.

Thanks for putting up with my crap. If most of you only knew..... what an angel I am. Ha ha.

Happy Anniversary!
Love, Steve

It's Business Time.