CosmoBC.com Jokes

Cartoon Laws of Physics

Paul — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 23:14:34 +0000

Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At … Continue reading →

Settling a Cow Case

Paul — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 00:52:30 +0000

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of … Continue reading →

Smartest Man in the World

Paul — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 19:29:40 +0000

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started … Continue reading →

Pepsi Campaign Fail

Paul — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 16:50:40 +0000

Pepsi encountered problems in China when their campaign slogan, "Come Alive. You're in the Pepsi Generation," was translated into Chinese, it read that "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the grave." Continue reading →

Rolls-Royce and Bank Loan

Paul — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 21:32:40 +0000

A businessman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will … Continue reading →

Some School Humor

Paul — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 18:59:47 +0000

Below is a compilation of some school jokes. They are a bit old school, but hopefully you’ll still find some of them funny. Teacher: What is the axis of the Earth? Student: The axis of the Earth is an imaginary … Continue reading →

Star Trek Lost Episode

Paul — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 21:07:32 +0000

Picard: “Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?” Geordi: “Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by … Continue reading →

New Job

Paul — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 12:40:57 +0000

A man joined a big multinational company as a trainee. On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!” The voice from the other side responded: “You fool; you’ve … Continue reading →

The Pope Drives a Limousine

Paul — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 23:46:31 +0000

The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile. Well, the chauffeur didn’t have much … Continue reading →

Simplifying the English Language

Paul — Sun, 22 May 2011 23:05:57 +0000

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasability study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments. European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessary difficult; … Continue reading →

Funny Classified Ads Bloopers

Paul — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 00:00:12 +0000

As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips: Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A … Continue reading →

Stupid Questions to Park Rangers

Paul — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 23:54:55 +0000

Who Says There’s No Such Thing As a Stupid Question? These are questions that people actually asked of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity. (Source: Outside … Continue reading →

Funny Resume Bloopers

Paul — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 03:29:29 +0000

Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: Responsibility makes me nervous. They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions. Was met with a string … Continue reading →

Courtroom Humor

Paul — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 01:47:27 +0000

Judge: I know you, don’t I? Defendant: Uh, yes. Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you? Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you? Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me. Defendant: … Continue reading →

Funny Car Insurance Statements

Paul — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 04:03:01 +0000

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even incompetent writing may be highly entertaining. … Continue reading →

A Guide to Effective Scientific Communication

Paul — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 23:28:30 +0000

Phrase: It has long been known Translation: I haven’t bothered to look up the reference Phrase: It is believed Translation: I think Phrase: It is generally believed Translation: A couple of other guys think so too Phrase: It is not … Continue reading →

Translation Fails

Paul — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 03:15:53 +0000

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a … Continue reading →

Map Win!

Paul — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 17:57:45 +0000

North America looks like a dragon spitting fire!

Job Interview

Paul — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 20:41:58 +0000

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of Texas A&M, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on … Continue reading →

Insurance proceeds

Paul — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 18:15:07 +0000

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire … Continue reading →

Creative Defense

Paul — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 17:06:56 +0000

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can … Continue reading →

Donation

Paul — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 18:51:08 +0000

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a … Continue reading →

Six again

Paul — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 18:18:50 +0000

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her 40th birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local … Continue reading →

A Programmer Joke

Paul — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 18:13:58 +0000

Three guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is … Continue reading →

No Horns

Paul — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 17:08:12 +0000

“Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage … Continue reading →

No Parking Sign

Paul — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 18:05:43 +0000

“No parking near my house. Get your own wireless network!”

Actors

Paul — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 17:01:07 +0000

Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. “Who do you want to play?” Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. “I’ve always been a big fan … Continue reading →

Parachute

Paul — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 16:27:51 +0000

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the … Continue reading →

Driving under the influence

Paul — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 18:58:48 +0000

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try … Continue reading →

Blonde Driver

Paul — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 01:48:31 +0000

A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it…. Cop : “Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?” Blonde : “Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, … Continue reading →

Talking clock

Paul — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 01:40:58 +0000

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. … Continue reading →

Three seats

Paul — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 01:32:08 +0000

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t budge. The … Continue reading →

Long Line

Paul — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 22:15:17 +0000

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 in the morning in front of the store. A … Continue reading →

Horseback cop

Paul — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 01:05:22 +0000

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that … Continue reading →

Stolen Horse

Paul — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 20:59:59 +0000

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He … Continue reading →

Job Application

Paul — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 00:53:30 +0000

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.” “Oh, great,” he … Continue reading →

Driving license

Paul — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 20:49:54 +0000

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted … Continue reading →

Painting

Paul — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 00:43:23 +0000

A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, “Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had … Continue reading →

Forgetting

Paul — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 23:33:58 +0000

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the … Continue reading →

Late Train

Paul — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 18:54:34 +0000

A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell “All you sons of … Continue reading →

Magic Pool

Paul — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 22:22:06 +0000

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is … Continue reading →

Verizon Advertisement Fail

Paul — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 21:56:37 +0000

An unfortunate advertisement banner placement.

Funny Billboard

Paul — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 17:28:24 +0000

“Well, you did ask for a sign” – God That’s a funny billboard

Data Gets a Blue Screen – Some Star Trek Humor

Paul — Mon, 17 May 2010 02:27:45 +0000

It seems that even androids can’t control their rage when they get a Blue Screen of Death! As we know commander Data is very strong since he’s an android, then the screen must be made of an extremely strong material … Continue reading →

We Sue Lawyers!

Paul — Sat, 01 May 2010 04:29:51 +0000

A funny and quite ironic billboard ad:

Corporate Stupidity

Paul — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 21:27:59 +0000

“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.” (Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA) “What I need is … Continue reading →

Some Funny Fails

Paul — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 23:28:10 +0000

Below are a few funny fails I’ve come across: “Go Play” – A really bad suggestion on a matchbox! Furthermore: “Play better, play in moderation” LOL The programming behind the cake printing mechanism has failed massively here! This is a … Continue reading →

To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before!

Paul — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:44:18 +0000

This image has been all over the internet, so it’s hard to give credit to the person who actually did this, but whoever you are, Live Long And Prosper! To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before! Update: According … Continue reading →

Some Funny Google Fails

Paul — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 18:46:58 +0000

Google Auto Suggest is, as we can see from its name, an automated suggestion system. It is based on popular search queries. Since there’s a lot of weird people out there, Google will sometimes make some weird suggestions, as shown … Continue reading →

Why Captcha Are Evil

Paul — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:51:46 +0000

This is the proof that captcha are evil! A funny compilation of the web’s funniest and most failed captcha. How did they know? xD just kidding! Another fail from Google Now how are we supposed to see anything in there!? … Continue reading →