Confessions of a Recovering Mormon

I have moved...

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 22:16:00 +0000

Come and visit my website at www.confessionsofarecoveringmormon.com.

You can also visit my publisher's website and order my book at www.sterlinghousepublisher.com.

Reunion

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 21:19:00 +0000

Hello.

It's been quite awhile since I last wrote.

This month I went to my high school reunion where I saw many of my friends and the people who influenced my life growing up. I know none of you have read my book but I had the experience of seeing someone who is mentioned in the book - a guy named Jimmy.

All I will say - since you will understand this post when you read it - is that I survived the experience with the help and support of my husband.

I saw many of my Mormon friends and I was very happy to see them as individuals and not as fellow prisoners in a religion that our parents forced us into. Some have stayed Mormon and others have not - but we are all happy and glad to be who we are in life.

More to come when I return home.

Influence

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:04:00 +0000

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be free of the influence of how I was raised. I mean, the Mormon Church is through with me, I'm quite sure they never think of me. But I can't seem to forget.

Just the other day I was in Costco and they had one of their roadshows in the front area. I was immediately struck by the paintings. They were as familiar to me as the pictures of my children or of my husband's face. They were Mormon pictures of Jesus Christ and of the temples. The name of the company selling them was "Cultural Hall Creations." Cultural Hall is what Mormons call their gym in the buildings.

Will I ever be able to walk by such things and be oblivious to their origin? Can I forget?

Book up for Pre-Sale!

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:02:00 +0000

My book has been put on pre-sale at the publisher's website!!!! The website url is http://www.sterlinghouse-bookstore.com/index.php?target=products&product_id=371.

I love the description of the book - it's great to have marketing people. :)

Mormon Friends.........

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 17:50:00 +0000

Hello.

This past weekend, I attended the "trunk or treat" at my former ward. I was invited by a friend and decided that it would be a good, non-religious activity to take my kids too. I have three friends left in the ward and it was nice to see them.

Guess what? We had a good time. It was in the parking lot so I didn't have to go into the building (except to use the bathroom). Many people said hello and I got to see a few people that I had been missing. When I resigned from the Mormon Church, I didn't resign from caring about some of the people there.

I bring this up and talk about this experience because there will be those who say that my book is anti-Mormon and I hate the religion. "Confessions of a Recovering Mormon" is my story, from my perspective and is about MY life - not the Mormon religion in general. There are pieces of the church that I talk about only to help clarify some of the things I talk about. I mean if I discuss Relief Society or the Word of Wisdom and don't explain what that is, I would be a bad writer!

I believe that religion is a personal choice and everyone finds their way to God (or Allah or Buddha) all on their own.

Peace and Love,
Sister ExMo

P.S. Confessions of a Recovering Mormon is due out in 2009. I will know the exact release date sometime in January. I will keep you posted....

Religion Doesn't Define Me

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 16:35:00 +0000

Yesterday I ran into my former home teacher at Lowe's. He was getting some paint and my husband and I were getting supplies for a home remodel we are doing. I have to say, sometimes I can be so cynical and expect the worst from people. Now I would never expect my former home teacher to snub me - and in fact, he didn't. He walked right up to us, shook our hands and treated us no differently than he had when I was a member. That was refreshing.

But what I want to say to everyone who reads this blog and who reads my book is that I am NOT anti-Mormon. I don't think the members are bad people and I have nothing against any religion. To each his own....but the Mormon Church didn't work for me. I think of it as a marriage that didn't work out. It wasn't because I didn't try, it wasn't because the church was evil or that I was evil, it was that we just weren't compatible and I had to move on for my own health.

I hope that comes through in my book and in this blog......

So, another funny thing happened to me this past week. The ward missionaries came by to invite me to a bbq. Apparently I have moved from the list of inactive members who need fellowship - to the non-members who need to be converted. I was very nice - I am a nice person and would never be mean to someone just for the sake of being mean. I took their flyer, thanked them, closed the door and threw the flyer in the garbage. It isn't that I don't LOVE a good bbq - but the only reason I would go back to the church is out of fear of going to hell - not because I believe in the church - and therefore, it would be for all the wrong reasons. I can't let fear dictate any decision I make.

My husband and I were talking the other day and I asked him the same question that Joseph Smith asked himself at the beginning of the Mormon Church - is there any church on the earth that has gotten it right? Is there a true church that by being a member, I'm guaranteed a ticket into heaven? I don't believe there is. I don't think that is the way God intended it. We were created as individuals with different opinions and a plethora of variations - so why would God create one religion that we all had to fit into and conform to? I don't think He did. I believe that there are many different paths back to God/Allah/Buddha, etc. If you live a good life, are kind to others and are in general a "good" person - you will find your way back.

Religion doesn't define me.

July 27, 1988

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 22:50:00 +0000

Hello.
Today I am lost in thought about someone in my life that I only met once - on July 27, 1988 - but that one meeting has been with me every day since. That is the day my son was born.
We nicknamed him "Baby #1." I couldn't bear to give him a name - if I did, he might have become real to me. My kids know they have a big brother out there somehwere. All I can really tell you about him was that he was small, he looked like his father and he has a smile that goes from ear to ear.
I gave him up for adoption.
He is now over 20 years old and I have no idea where he is, what he is like or who he is. Imagine having a child that you have no idea what kind of person they are.
People often ask me if I had one tangible moment in my life that changed everything - July 27, 1988 would be it. I became a mother...but yet I didn't.
I am missing him today. The pain kind of comes and goes. Today I am wondering about him. I have all of these students in my classes that are his age and I look at them and wonder if he is like them or looks like them.
I don't think he knows about me - I believe his adoptive mom never told him that he was adopted. Be that as it may...the adoption was not my choice.
I just wanted him to know, if he ever finds his way here - that I miss him.

Stay tuned.........the entire adoption story is detailed in my book "Confessions of a Recovering Mormon" due in bookstores in 2009.

Today's Subject is Fear..........

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 19:25:00 +0000

Greetings........

Today I want to talk about fear. Not fear of heights, or snakes, or anything like that....but the deep-seated fear that resides in all of us and surfaces in our worst moments. It destroys friendships, hurts relationships and makes us miserable.

I am afraid of being abandoned. I am so afraid of it that I will get out of a perfectly good relationship or friendship if I get even the hint that it might go sour. I will leave you before you ever get the chance to leave me.

It's sick.....it's twisted.

Fear dictates my life and I'm growing weary of it. I have gotten to the point now when I can recognize my overreactions to things and back up and acknowledge that fear is dictating the situation. But I am a LONG way from abolishing fear from my life...which is the goal.

If I can make the transition over to a personal relationship in my life.......things have gotten a little stagnant. Between kids, and work, and school, etc, there isn't a lot of time for "extra's." So, right now, it's quick, it's mechanical, it's boring, and it happens when we just can't go one more second without it. Did I mention that it's also completely unsatisfying?!?

It's not his fault or mine .... it's just our life. We are too busy.

Well, I'm afraid that one of us is going to leave. If I even get the hint that he might stray and hurt me, I will be out of there - I will leave. That is my fear dictating my life.

Here's the advice I got from a friend - go to Frederick's and get something trashy with stiletto heels. HUH? Why is it up to me? I want a massage - I want a nice dinner out - I want a foot rub - I want candles - but am I going to get any of that????????? Probably not...........

But I am hopeful!

September 11, 2008

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 00:08:00 +0000

How do I respond when I see that in some Islamic countries there is vitriolic hatred for America? I'll tell you how I respond: I'm amazed. I'm amazed that there is such misunderstanding of what our country is about, that people would hate us. I am, I am -- like most Americans, I just can't believe it. Because I know how good we are, and we've go to do a better job of making our case. We've got to do a better job of explaining to the people in the Middle East, for example, that we don't fight a war against Islam or Muslims. We don't hold any religion accountable. We're fighting evil. And these murderers have hijacked a great religion in order to justify their evil deeds. And we cannot let it stand.
--George W. Bush, press conference

We will never forget. God bless the families of those who lost loved ones 7 years ago today and the lives that have been lost since fighting the war on terror.

Court of Honor - 9/10/08

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 19:58:00 +0000

Hello.

I said in a previous post that I would be heading back inside the doors of a Mormon Church for the first time since officially resigning. Well, the church is still standing although I did feel the foundation shake just a bit as I crossed the threshold. :)

Before I tell you about my experience at the Court of Honor, I need to relate the first time I went back to church after I became inactive. I was still very much under the influence of the teachings of my childhood. My kids had been invited to the local ward to the Halloween party. It seemed benign enough, right? The moment I walked through the door, the sights and smells of my entire life so far came rushing back and I wanted to run screaming from the building. It was surreal to feel like an outsider in what was my second home for most of my life. But I survived the night and have been to different churches several times over the past eight years since leaving the church. Each time gets just a little easier. But this time was different....because I was no longer a member in any way.

I grew up in the small town of Choteau, MT and every Christmas my mom would sing in the community choir - Handel's "Messiah." The rehearsals were held at the Methodist Church. I remember when my sister and I would go watch the rehearsals at the church - I knew I was in a church but it wasn't MY church. I saw pictures of Jesus and admired the statues but they didn't really affect me on any level because they didn't have anything to do with me. It was just another church.

That is how I felt at the Court of Honor. I saw the pictures of Jesus on the walls and knew where I was - but it didn't hit me emotionally at all. It was just another church and I didn't belong. What an amazing feeling.

Granted, I know that if I walked into my church in Choteau, MT - I would have an emotional reaction - it would feel strange - but for this church and this one time, I left the meeting relatively unscathed.

Just another tiny success story in my recovery...............

Why do they care so much? 9/9/08

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 00:19:00 +0000

Well...the Mormons have found PostMormon.org and are bearing their testimonies right and left. I get it. When I was a member, a site like this would have scared the crap out of me and I would have done the same thing. But why do they really care? We don't go into their churches preaching that they shouldn't be there so why do they come into our sanctuary doing the same? They say we are trying to steal members - we aren't. We just want to find support and encouragement from people who have been there. I really don't care what the Mormons do - I wouldn't care if I was the last non-member on the planet - as long as they just left me alone and let me believe as I wish.

The thing is, the members who are coming onto the site aren't trying to save us or fellowship us - they are simply trying to tell us that we are wrong and we are going to be cut off from God for eternity if we don't change our ways. The truth is, if those kind of scare tactics worked, I'd still be a member! :)

A fellow post-mormon on the site said that it takes an average of 10 years to deprogram a recovering Mormon. I've been out for 8 years and I'd say that I'm only about half-way there.

PostMormon.org Billboard in Gilbert, AZ

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:20:00 +0000

This billboard is right by my work. It seems to be getting a lot of attention. The news media finally picked up on it. The billboard is set in the heart of Mormon-ville in Gilbert.

I think it's fabulous. The PostMormon community is amazing. They offer support and encouragement to those of us who have voluntarily left the church. We aren't anti-Mormon - we don't tell anyone that they shouldn't be Mormon - it's just not right for us.

I went from having a church family with brothers and sisters and friends to having nothing. It isn't that those in the Mormon Church don't want to still be my friend - I believe they don't know how. I remember how it was when I was in - I wasn't friends with any non-members either.

So what do those of who left the church do? Where do we go? Where do we find friends and fellowship and family that we miss so much when we leave the church? I found was I was missing at PostMormon.org.

I read a comment from the one active Mormon member they interviewed for the East Valley Tribune about the billboard. He said that some people who leave the church need to make a statement and need to be nasty! What is nasty about this billboard? Did that member visit the site before they made that blanket statement? Just because we don't believe in Mormonism doesn't make us wrong....it doesn't make us less worthy of respect and friendship.

And what is the difference between this billboard and the Mormon advertisments on television and radio and in the newspaper? I am not going door-to-door preaching to people to leave the Mormon Church...yet their missionaries go door-to-door all over the world telling people that the Catholic Church and the Jewish faith - etc, etc, etc are wrong and they should leave their religion. That in my mind is wrong.

Have a nice day!

First post - 9/5/08

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 18:55:00 +0000

Hello.

My name is Debbie and as the title suggests - I consider myself to be a "recovering" Mormon. My parents joined the church when I was five so I consider myself to be one of the "born and bred" because I never really knew any other way of life.

When I was 30 and after being exiled because I had the audacity to leave my husband (by the way, my marriage was a sham and we were both miserable), I became an "inactive" member which I remained - safely on the fence for 8 years. This past year, I decided to divorce the religion and officially resigned. I still had some friends in the church - I suppose they were hoping I would eventually return to the fold. When I told each of them about my decision, (there were three) each said that me being a member had nothing to do with our friendship. Since that contact I have received no communication from two of them and the third emails me about once a month.

Members don't like nonmembers - it's as simple as that. They will be nice to you, they will be friendly, but they will not be your true, honest friend unless in the back of their mind they are trying to convert you. Of course, as with anything, there are exceptions - but not in my life. The only Mormon I know who still loves me is my mother and she is kind of legally required to love me. :)

As my blog continues, I will tell you how my identity, beliefs and lifestyle were shaped entirely by the teachings of the Mormon Church. Every day was laid out in front of me like a map - every decision is already made. It was restrictive - it was suffocating. For me, the constant fear of going to hell if I messed up and losing my family for all of eternity was so terrifying that I developed panic attacks and anxiety.

I had to get out - to save my sanity.

I still live every day in recovery - I have to take things one day at a time - no one knows what happens to us after we die and to live life focused on death is not really living. To make decisions based on fear is not true free agency.

The God I know - loves each one of His children equally - no one is better or more loved than the other because of the way they choose to worship Him. There are many names for God - and many different paths back to him - how egocentric is it for someone to say that their path is better than any of the others?

This Sunday, I will be stepping back into a Mormon chapel for the first time since my resignation. I'm going to support a family member who is in a Boy Scout Court of Honor.

Wish me luck and stay tuned.......

Look for my memoir "Confessions of a Recovering Mormon" in bookstores in 2009. (exact publication date to be announced)