I just got married, and my husband’s ex-girlfriend has got another boy friend, but she has been keeping sending my husband sms and calling him telling him that she misses him and that she dreams about him. She knows that he is with me, but she seems not being respectful for our relationship. I talked with him about it on day and he told me that he will tell her that they shouldn’t be talking any longer, but what actually happened that he could not tell her so, so every time she calls he doesn’t answer. She planned to move to the state where we live. After a month of keeping sending sms and calling to tell that she is coming soon and that she can’t wait to have adventures with him he called her, but I did not know what happened because he doesn’t tell me and I’m so disappointed. I need advice because I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m worried that she pulls him into cheating which will lead us to the end for sure.

@Jay
Hey Jay, it has been a few years since you wrote your commentary on eLove, but I have had the same experience and it has been nearly 6 months for me. Not one introduction, except for one offer and the person was way beyond my age criteria. I suspect they don’t have the quantity or “mix” of people they claim. I too am out $2K and for zero product. They are still ripping people off.

Hey I just found out my girlfriend kissed another boy (she told me over the phone ) so I asked her to come down so we can speak but then she dropped an even bigger bomb – she had sex with him. She said it only lasted a about a minute and pushed him off, she was non stop crying since she got down to mine and was so regretful. I believe her what happened so I decided to forgive her for reasons that don’t want to get into. I know she loves me and I love her also but now she has gone home I feel so gutted she said it was nothing. It just happened because there was an attraction there. I knew this day would come because I was her first and I think no1 has only 1 sexual partner in their life time. She says she hated it and crying, that’s why she pushed him off. I guess that makes me feel a little better and she came to her senses and she has told him she don’t want to see him again and deleted his number off her phone. But the fact she couldn’t stop crying and was so regretful that’s got me thinking everyone deserves a second chance, what do you think??? Am I stupid to forgive her?

Some tips that I think are useful if you decide to try the online dating arena:

1) Have an honest profile that tells something that separates you from everyone else… try to keep it short and simple.

2) At least have a few photos in your profile and make sure they are recent. Would you really go on a date with anyone that didn’t have at least 1 photo in their profile?

3) Make sure to get involved in the forums on these dating sites and write a blog – this lets people get to know you and will definitely increase the number of people that initiate.

I think the biggest problem, speaking from the “uninitiated” point of view is that mostly bbw and crazy/unattractive people are going online because they can’t find anybody in their local area.

BL :
She never stopped loving me, I don’t think because she didn’t enjoy the sex with him that one time only that it happened. She cried during it and was just lying there. I feel that she did this because also she loves me she just never had anything to compare it to, and she just needed to, just so that she could appreciate me and us fully.

Did you consider she’s trying to not hurt your feelings? Of course she would say she didn’t enjoy it. Otherwise that would cause even more hurt. It still seems to me like a very cold-hearted and cruel thing to do, to sleep with someone else, so as to be able to “compare” you to someone else. Maybe she’s not a serial cheater, but she could have suggested you spend some time apart, so at least you would have been aware of where you stand.

I find a useful thing is to ask yourself honestly: “would I have acted the same way?”. If the answer is “no way, never”, then there’s some serious thinking you need to do about whether the feelings in the relationship are equal. But everyone is different and ultimately it’s up to you if you really love her, and believe you can continue with the relationship. As you said in your post, the lost trust between you is going to cause significant difficulties in the relationship, at least to begin with.

I don’t think a woman does this to one she really loves. But that’s my opinion and I’m no expert!! Remember, she was YOUR first too, and you didn’t cheat on her!

I have been with this girl for almost 3 years. It was great until the day she told me. We were really in love and maybe still are. She was always the type who was curious and liked to discover, but we were each-other’s first, which sometimes for her I guess did feel like “how do I know this is right?”. I am very strong in morals and I value them immensely. After 5 months from when it happened, she told me that she had cheated. I asked how and all because I did want to know the details, and I know enough about it and about how she felt and all at the time. She never stopped loving me, I don’t think because she didn’t enjoy the sex with him that one time only that it happened. She cried during it and was just lying there. I feel that she did this because also she loves me she just never had anything to compare it to, and she just needed to, just so that she could appreciate me and us fully.

Now that she has had that experience and has compared me with someone, she fully knows this is it and we are right. I am very hurt though, and because my strong morals I don’t know if I can get over it and take her back. I still love her, but what she used to be, not the her now, with this mistake. I almost believe that she is not in the “once a cheater, always a cheater” category, but I just think that if I take her back and try to work on gaining trust again I will just change her as a person with my compulsive needs at this point and not make her life easy or happy. Because of this I feel that she will try to get my trust, but maybe give up along the way, because of the things she had to give up and who she has become, how she is so closed from the world, and eventually we will not be happy any more, or break up, or always fight, or she might just cheat again because she will find someone who will trust her more than I do now, and will just give up in fixing us.

I just wanted to know if anyone has been in this position or has any experience about this, seen it from friends or whatever. Like what to do with someone that didn’t want to cheat, but instead wanted to compare you with another to see how great you are, because of her inexperience before this and the “is this it?” question????

Thank you in advance to whoever that just gives me their opinion or expertise.

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I had a boyfriend and I never treated him in any way to make him feel disrespected in any way. I loved him with all my heart but when he started seeing other girls I started seeing others guys as well to show him that 2 people can play the same game he was playing…

Though a lot of different sites offer free online dating, I still prefer those with fee that assure security.