Paul Koeck, MD

How do I become a Leader in 15 minutes?

2011-02-21T19:14:57Z

Saturday afternoon, my training at the national convention of AIESEC Belgium will be on the following topic:

Title: “How to become a Leader in 15 minutes per day”

Subtitle: ‘Resolve challenges to grow yourself into a leader’

Dr. Paul Koeck will show how investing 15 minutes per day in your personal and professional development as a leader will help you:

Resolve any type of stress
Focus on who you want to become (instead of focusing on day-to-day problems)
Discover your deepest dreams and realize them
Discover your personal talents and utilize them
Choose your right priorities in function of your goal

This workshop integrates elements of Stress Management with keys to successful Leadership because the path towards leadership starts with cleaning out what keeps you from progressing, resolving your issues, bottlenecks and stress. Once you master this skill, you will get a clearer insight in how you can grow as a leader and create your own vision to guide you towards discovering how you will use your existing talents better to reach your goal and fulfill your dream.

Preparation: for those who speak Dutch, we invite them to do the “online self scan” at www.mijnkwartier.be and print the results and bring them to the workshop. We will discuss your score at the start of the seminar and explain you how you can use them to grow. There is no English translation of this test available yet, so the internationals can skip this test and still attend the workshop without any problem.

Trainer: Dr. Paul Koeck (Coachteam.com)

Paul Koeck studied medicines, philosophy and sports medicines in Leuven, management at the Vlerick School for management and was professionally trained as a Solution Focused Therapist, systemic coach and therapist and as a master in Ericksonian hypnosis. He trained leaders in most continents all over the world: USA, Argentina, India and most European countries and coached leaders in several Fortune top 500 firms. His concepts are teached at different universities over various continents. Further, he works as a physician and therapist in Antwerp and developed an online self-help program to offer online psychotherapy for participants who prefer to cure themselves without attending a therapist.

He authored four books on personal development, stress management and therapy who are available at www.mijnkwartier.be

His websites are:

Business & Leadership coaching at www.coachteam.com
Online therapy at www.mijnkwartier.be
Personal blog at www.paulkoeck.com

Bipolar Disorder: Can we cure Manic Depression? Bipolar Depression Treatment

2010-10-27T15:20:04Z

Bipolar Disorder or Manic Depression differs from other forms of depression. In contrast to other forms of depression, there seems to be consensus in the medical world that bipolar depression is in the first place a disease, a biological condition that needs to be treated with medication, often with Lithium. Lithium contributes largely to stabilizing the disease, but has unfortunately lots of limitations. So the question remains: can psychotherapy cure bipolar depression?

Listen to someone who is diagnosed with Bipolar Depression. She wrote me this mail and asked me to share it with you through my blog:

“I am bipolar. This disease is from childhood. The story begins few hundred years ago. Once upon a time lived Mr. Andersen from Sweden. Every intelligent person knows, that there have been Swedish and Russians wars. Mr. Sigurd Andersen was solder. He was going to Russia with Swedish army trough Lithuania territory. And he met very beautiful Lithuanian woman. Fell in love and ran away from Swedish army. And he changed his name to Sigurdas A. (my grandfather is Sigurdas A.). He had bipolar. So, my disease came from those times.

Everyone knows writer Hans Christian Andersen…

I am not sure, but I believe, that writer Andersen was my relative. If you check at wikipedia.com, you will find out, that writer Hans Christian Andersen had bipolar too. So, I am sure, that this disease coming from genes. And a person lives with bipolar from the birth.

I am one of them. Doctors says, that only 1% of population have it. So, it’s very uncommon disease. And for psychiatrists it’s like a mysterious disease. Every bipolar patient has different symptoms. I can tell my own story.

All my life I was or even I am a girl with very good fantasies. I remember all my 25 years like one week. I can tell every day, what had happened during my life. Really, how looked and what did my mummy at 5^th of May of 1992, or whatever date somebody could ask me, I have a genius memory. I never ever spend time on studies or to learn poems, just read it before lessons and everything stayed in my mind. I have no problems with historical dates and so on. Even it’s hard for me to read romance books, because I remember what is written in some pages.

Ok, let’s talk about how I live with bipolar and how I finished my relationship with depressions and antidepressant pills. First time I went to a psychiatrist 3,5 years ago. I lived in Portugal, in Lisbon. My friends were famous musicians. There were a lot of parties, a lot of new people, “pink opportunities” and famous easy life. Just my head blow up. It was too much everything. And I got mad…I got crazy, making crazy things, talking a lot and talking nonsense, I began to be friend of everybody and I didn’t care with whom I was talking about my personal life. It was everything too much… And my new friends, who are my friends still now, called my parents in my country and told them, that I got really crazy… My parents came to Lisbon. They got very afraid of me. They didn’t recognize me… It was really sad view… And on June I came back with them to my homeland. We went to doctor… I was so angry…I told them, that I am normal and I don’t need psychiatrists help. Actually I didn’t understand, that I was really sick. And I am sick not physical disease…that I am sick psychiatrist stuff.

Doctor gave me pills – respolept. Ok, I would use it… And after 3-4 weeks I began to be very slowly, very calm, I began to be in silence, I began to be shamed of everything what I had told being sick, what I did, of course, I borrowed a lot of money at maniac time, I told fantasies and I believed, that it’s really true, what I was saying. Also, I talked with everybody….people began to ignore me, and I couldn’t understand, why my friends are ignoring me. And after about one month using pills (“respolept”) I began to be very slowly, very shamed, I wanted just to hide myself of society and that’s really what I began to do. Actually I was very fin during maniac time. And after 2-3 months I was +30kg… From 58kg to 88kg…You have no idea, how I was unhappy, I just closed myself at my body and my home, didn’t answer to phone calls and a lot of friends just forgot me… At first I just believed, that I have friends, but I was wrong… Or maybe I had just 2. And I was so happy having them. At first, I was sure, that I am very strong in psychiatrist way and I was against antidepressant pills, but on October I went to doctor and prayed for that “magic pills”. I began to use it. During few months I lost 8kg and began to talk… That was a lot, cause I didn’t talk for a long time at all. You know, it was really very hard period, but also and very good period for understand, what is my family for me, what is life, who are really true friends, how is hard to be not pretty and when nobody wants to communicate with you. It was very hard 8 or 9 months at my life… But Spring time came, I was 62 kg already, I began partying again, friends came back…and everything begins at once again. Again Spring time, again I was happy because of living, again I began to communicate with people, again I didn’t care of everything and again the same…again maniac period. Just I couldn’t understood it. I used zeldox after respolept. And I drank alcohol with medicine.. And I lost my mind again. Again the same story. Maniac period for 1,5month and again depression from autumn. Again tears, again disappointed of myself, again wanted to disappear from shame and from everything… Again antidepressant pills. But it’s just magic pills. You never ever be happy with it. Ok, I agree, you can have like nice beginning of your health life with help of this pills, but you will never be happy for real. Cause it’s just magic pills. It’s just like pink glasses on your eyes. You can’t understand the real situation. You don’t care about friends, family, studies… You are just happy. And why? You don’t care, how to earn money, how to survive, how to work, how to be true friend, how to live responsibility life of your own… But I was weak and I took it again…Again all autumn I was depressed and again on Spring time I was high of maniac period. But I finished university. I couldn’t believe that I did it… I moved from parents home to people, who I knew just 3weeks, home…Without job, without any money…. Again made big shamed nonsense…and when I “woke up” of all of my maniac period – again depression…And that autumn I met you, Paul, my third depression autumn. That day, when we went to opera “Madam Butterfly”, was my first day, when I began seroxat (antidepressant pills) to use again… And it was my big big mistake…It didn’t help to myself anymore… It was just psychological stuff. I wanted to believe, that it would help, but it didn’t. I was really lazy to work with myself, I thought – hmm, just one pill at evening and few weeks – and I will smiling again. I was so naïve… It didn’t work with myself. At thanks God! One and half month of using pills, but still nothing. Also, I didn’t trust myself, I didn’t have work, I didn’t have money, I was 24 years old woman without any opportunities to integrate myself to society with bipolar. A lot of bad rumors about me and so on. I hated myself because of disease. What was that last point, when I understood, that I am only one my own friend. That without loving myself I won’t find out the way of my own “labyrinth” which I create by myself to myself J I began to read a lot of psychological books, I began to believe in God, to pray every evening. I went to my doctor and told to her – that’s it, from now – no more antidepressant pills at my life… Whatever happens, just no more magic pills. First 3- 4 moths was really very hard. I met just few my true friends. I began to trust my family, my mummy and daddy, I began to trust myself. I again lost weight, I found a job. And the main point is, that I began to trust to myself. I understood, that I have three best friends – me, myself and I. I began to believe in life. After all autumn and winter time sitting at home, working (my job is from home by internet and cell phone) and everyday I had some small tasks for myself. And here, my birthday comes – 25^th of April. I invited few friends and it was nice small birthday party. I was very happy seeing friends at my place. I understood, how important is to love myself. And I began to go out to the city. And I began to get invitations to birthday parties, to some concerts and so on. I felt, that people began to love me again. And I met my Love. I didn’t believe in it for many years. And now we are living together and we are very happy.

One more thing, I spent about 2 month at hospital with bipolar this year. Doctor and psychologist told me, that they never ever met person like me, who is so in love with her own disease (what I mean with “I am in love with my disease is, that I will live with it all my life and I am looking to my disease like my child, that all my life i must take of it) and asked me, what is the secret of that – I told, that I just love my disease. I told them that because of it, I have perfect memory, I can make arts and I can write business plan with financial analysis. I can play the piano and I never ever had lessons of it, I can paint, I can write financial analysis. I can do many different things and everything with quite good results and I am sure it’s because of bipolar.

I began to value my friends, I began to love a man, I began to love myself, I began to help to people, I began to be a person. Person with values, with target of life, at last I know what I want from my life.”

***

After reading her mail, I asked her: “HOW exactly you made this inner change. What exactly did you do to start looking different at yourself? What was the first real difference that made the difference to you?”

She answered: “The biggest change began then, when I understood, that people do not like sad people. They are bored and they dont want sad people in their company. I understood that I would lose everyone, and I also wanted to live normal good life.”

***

My friend made a choice:

She decided to accept her reality. She has a biological constraint that needs special care and attention.
She decided to accept other people’s reality: People want to be close to positive and happy people. If she wants their love, she needs to be loving and open.
She decided to observe her talents (once we accept our limitations, we have new free energy to focus on our strength, this happens only after we stop fighting the impossible)
She decided to set a goal
She decided to take action and work on herself towards her goal

I want to thank her for sharing her story. It is true that bipolar depression, sometimes named manic depression, is a condition with a biological origin. But that does not mean we cannot learn to live with this handicap. Therapy of self help means in this case to learn to accept this limitation, while focusing on your talents and strengths. This will allow you to live a happy life. Therapy or Self-help can help those patients in discovering their strengths and finding out what to accept. Many patients with bipolar disorder need to take medication under medical guidance. But I believe that following my friends’ 5 steps will make life much nicer and pleasant, with or without additional medication.

(I decided not to correct nor polish the English letter of a non-native speaker. Perfectionism seldom makes one a happier person.)

Depression cured: I love myself, I am my best friend

2010-10-14T09:54:31Z

I just talked to a friend. I did not see her for a year and at that moment, she had a hard time, she felt down and depressed. So, I asked her: “Hi, how are you doing?” She answered: “Hey, I am ok … very good!”

Listen to our conversation:

- Feeling better than last year?

- Much more !

- How did you make that change?

- Just understood that I am the best friend of my own and I love myself and thought that I am the best. I love my life!

She teaches us a wise lesson: as long as we look for friends or others to make us happy, we will suffer because we are dependent on others. The day we understand that we are our own best friend to love, live becomes sunny again, and depression fades away from our lives and turns into satisfaction and happiness.

Sometimes we can help others to discover their love for themselves by giving them our love. But never can we expect others to give us love … because waiting to be loved, makes us dependent, scared, helpless and depressed.

When you hear a friend talking about love with an undertone of expecting to be loved, then we know he or she will suffer more before finding inner peace. When his or her speech changes into “I desire to give Love”, then you know that Love is coming soon. My clinical practice show this truth over and over again: if a patient starts to love and accept himself, then i know i will see him with a peaceful smile the next time he enters my consultation. If a patient starts to give love (without sacrificing the own needs), then cure is happening.

The Alchemist: How Paulo Coelho escaped from Failure to Success, living his Legend!

2010-10-04T11:08:57Z

Success comes often when you follow your true inner nature. “Live your legend” as Paulo Coelho writes in his bestseller “The Alchemist“. Paulo always felt he wanted to be a writer, but he did not do it … until he reached the age of 39.

At that point in his life he made a life changing Pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostella. That was the moment where he realized that he had two choices: either to do it, or to decide to accept that he would not be a writer. He decided to write and his first book became the story his Pilgrimage to Santiago. Then he decided to share his ideas in the form of a metaphor or story and he gave birth to “The Alchemist”. This book did not become a success. Only when he published his third book, “Brida”, he decided to resubmit the Alchemist with a different publisher and it became a hit.

Paulo Coelho trusts that word of mouth will share your message some day, on condition that you keep sharing your message, keep living your legend, and do not give up. Listen tohis story in the BBC interview with Paulo Coelho himself!

Reflection:

What is your “Legend” (“Destiny” or “Calling”) ?
What open choices do you have in your life today?

How simple ideas can resolve stress, and how questions can help you discover those ideas.

2010-10-04T11:04:27Z

He was sitting in my office: tense, tired, stressed and depressed. He lost pleasure in the small stuff of life. There were plenty of complex interpretations that could be the source of his depression. I wondered if I would dive into them, but decided not to. I decided to look for more simple solutions to break the vicious circle. How to find out? Asking questions, simple questions, often help. So i gave it a try …

- “When exactly do you feel most stressed? What happens at that specific moment?

- “Well, phone calls are happening all day long and I do feel overwhelmed and not prepared to answer”. (He works in the financial sector and get phone calls from anxious clients who are worried about their investments during this financial crisis.)

- “How many of the phone calls you receive are from this type of overstressed clients?”

- “About six of them”

- “Are those mostly the same six clients calling you?”

- “Yes!” , he replied.

- “Ok, and how many of them are really important clients that you cannot afford to lose?”

- “Two, and they call me almost every single day”.

- “How much time would it take you to study their file as your first job when you enter the office in order to prepare your answer to their questions?”

- “I guess about 5 minutes for each of them, that means 10 minutes all together”

- “Would it make a difference to you if you prepare as your very first job in the morning their file and call them yourself before they call you?” , was my next question.

He smiled and said “Yes, of course. I would feel much better. I would not be afraid to be overwhelmed by their calls any more!”

My client implemented the small change and felt more ‘in control’ of his work. After his first success, in our second session, he started to suggest other small changes that increased his impact on situations, and some weeks later, he could hardly remember how there had been a time where work was so unpleasant. This practical case study illustrates nicely what research has discovered already some decades ago. The researcher “Robert Karasek” discovered that the amount of ’subjective’ control you have over your work situation, has a stronger impact on your distress level than your ‘objective’ work load. So what this case nicely illustrates is that helping someone see new solutions to increase (objective or subjective) control over situations, decreases distress and lower distress leads to more self-confidence and creativity to find even more solutions.

Did Harvard Professor in Psychology B.F. Skinner invent Online Self Help Coaching?

2010-10-04T11:05:21Z

The famous pschologist Burrhus Frederic Skinner, Professor of Psychology at Harvard University from 1958 till 1974, was probably the first to use machines to change human behavior. He was not only the ‘father’ of important concepts in psychology like ‘operant conditioning’, but he also the first to develop machines that are designed to shape and change human behavior and develop new habits.

He studied the laws of operant conditioning with his famous “Skinner box”. Later he developed his first ‘teaching machine’, long before internet and personal computers were invented. He proved that machines can help humans correct behavior and develop new habits. In the following video, you can see how skinner used his teaching machine to teach students in a school.

Skinner promotes the idea that self-correction and self-learning are potentially less frustrating and more rewarding for future generations of students.

I share this video with you, because of the similarities with what I encountered in the development of our online self help tools. I remember that when i talked about the idea of developing such a system 10 years ago, people – including psychologists – declared this to be crazy. Now it becomes a mainstream idea that people can help themselves with the help of the right tools.

Probably this is the difference with a genius and a normal person. A genius can see things several decades before others can see it. Skinner clearly had this visionary capacity of a genius.

Is European President Herman Van Rompuy a great Leader?

2010-04-14T10:52:05Z

Read today the interview by Dominique Soenens at www.vacature.com !

More Leadership video’s and interviews with CEO’s at www.coachteam.tv and in future blog posts here. A Dutch translation of this video is available on the Dutch pages of this blog.

Full Interview at http://www.vacature.com/blog/van-rompuy-wel-een-goeie-leider

How do I know if I am depressed?

2010-09-29T22:14:54Z

My latest post on how to recognise a depression:

Can Optimism prevent Depression?

2010-09-29T22:16:40Z

Today I want comment you briefly about the relationship between Optimism, Pessimism and Depression. Please, listen to this video:

The Origin of Depression: Is it Genetic?

2010-09-29T22:17:13Z

Some days ago, one team member asked me some interesting questions about the origin of Depression and its conclusions for its treatment with selfhelp or therapy. I wanna share this video with you: