ChristWire

Kim Kardashian Tries To Kill Kanye West

Bruce Myron Danus — Sun, 19 May 2013 07:53:01 +0000

America’s most arrogant couple have run into trouble recently. After the Tribal rapper named Kanye West impregnated the Arabian Princess known as Kim Kardashian, the world has waited for the proverbial “poop” to hit the fan, and it finally did. On May 15th, Kim Kardashian finally followed through with her [...]

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Russian viral cat incites interracial mouthsex fantasies

Arthur Durry — Tue, 14 May 2013 16:46:43 +0000

IT MIGHT be the funniest and most charming thing to come out of Russia since that compilation of wacky dashboard-cam videos, but this innocent-looking cat might send impressionable Christian minds wandering down some dusky paths. In this viral video, a young blonde Russian cat can clearly be seen licking at [...]

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Florida Restaurant To Serve Lion Meat Tacos; Bruce Danus Investigates Tribal Murder Of Endangered Species

Bruce Myron Danus — Sun, 12 May 2013 07:05:16 +0000

Recently, in Tampa, FL, a restaurant has come under fire for serving Lion meat in its tacos. Lions are quickly becoming an “endangered” species, so animal rights hippies have gotten their panties in a bunch over this new menu item. Since I am Christwire’s authority on other countries and cultures, [...]

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Is Ronnie Radke’s racist cunnilingus video spreading deadly sex cancer?

Arthur Durry — Thu, 09 May 2013 10:23:55 +0000

IT’S no secret that Ronnie Radke, the atrociously tattooed emosexual singer of horrible pretend-metal band Fallen on Reverse, is a dubious character with a record of violence. Some days it seems that if he’s not being sentenced to prison on murder-related charges, he’s attacking his fans with microphone stands or [...]

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Baby Puppy Recovering After Attack By Pack of Wild Kittens

Adam Nelson — Tue, 07 May 2013 15:47:11 +0000

Mr. Lick ‘ems SALINA, KANSAS – It has been a long, tough road for Mr. Lick ‘ems, but he is finally on the road to recovery and on the mend. Several weeks ago, Mr. Lick ‘ems was let outside to relieve himself in the comfort of his backyard. His owners, [...]

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Black Man Charles Ramsey Finds Amanda Berry Alive, Missing For 10 Years

Cadence Appleton — Tue, 07 May 2013 14:34:40 +0000

Charles Ramsey broke down door to rescue Amanda Berry. Neighborhood resident Charles Ramsey rescued Amanda Berry, who was reported missing ten years ago. Today media headlines are abuzz with the story and a very interesting hero. It all started with a sack of McDonalds. Charles Ramsey was at his home, [...]

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Miley Tops Maxim Hot 100 By The Power of Photoshop, Questional Images

Adam Nelson — Sun, 05 May 2013 10:30:01 +0000

Miley tops Maxim in a brilliant show of racy photoshoots, marketing and nice photoshopped images to her Instagram. If I had not Googled this image and verified it with my colleagues from several other sources, there is no way I could have believed this was Miley Cyrus. Graciebow’s creeper moment [...]

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Pit Bull Saves Woman, Proves All Dogs Man’s Best Friend

Cadence Appleton — Sun, 05 May 2013 10:21:22 +0000

A pit bulls saves a woman from a burning home and is now being hailed as a hero. As a breed, pit bulls get a tough treatment in the court of public opinion. Stories about the breed’s aggressive nature are abundant, so it is good to see a story detailing [...]

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God Smites Satanic Musicians As A Warning To Satanic Atheists Everywhere: “REPENT NOW!!!”

Bruce Myron Danus — Sun, 05 May 2013 06:13:03 +0000

In the past few weeks, multiple deaths of “musicians” from the 80s have been reported. While there are many rumors surrounding these deaths (spider bites, liver failure, drugs use, auto-erotic asphyxiation, etc…), the facts are quite apparent: God is smiting these heathens for promoting Satan and Atheism, drugs using, sex [...]

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Antoine Dodson Says “I’m No Longer Into Homsexuality I Want A Wife”

Cadence Appleton — Fri, 03 May 2013 16:59:32 +0000

Lincoln Park, Alabama – Antoine Dodson chose to uncome out of the closet today. In a shocking statement on his Facebook page, Dodson reveals that he is cured of gay and he wants to find a wife. Yes Antoine Dodson, who achieved internet fame via a news blooper that went [...]

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