CHINESE NEIGHBORS 中国邻居

We have moved...in so many ways

2017-04-03T17:30:00.000+08:00

Cobwebs, dust, hello? Is there anyone here? Is there anyone who hasn't completely given up hope that I'd one day write again?

We have moved!

Moved house. And then slept in a dozen different beds when we were forced to move out. Searched for a new place, then landed in a hostel for a month while the granary we leased was beat into a home. A lovely home.

The story will unfold here: Kam Home. It's new! The place where I aim to tell our testimonies so that you can know the wonders the Father is doing here, so that in your heart and mine we'll recognize again his supremacy, beauty, goodness, power, faithfulness, his presence.

Please stay with us -- please, we need you because so little is constant. We need you who understand the cost, who will tell us it's worth it. We need to be seen and known, to be held up by you. Will you go with us?

If so, please reset your bookmarks to www.kam-home.com

Love,

Rachel & Drew

Moving truck pulls up in seven hours

2016-07-08T23:19:00.003+08:00

I think it's time to go to sleep?

Tomorrow morning we load the truck at 6am.

7:30am, a group converges at our apartment, driving two vehicles 7+ hours across the province to our new home. They wanted to see us off and check out our new neighborhood, which happens to be a beautiful rural destination.

So friends, it may be a few days until we get our bearings (and our internet). The next time you hear from me I will be writing from a river valley village in the mountains.

counting the graces

thank you Lord

for these hymns playing tonight, indelible grace music

last-night in Changsha bike ride, it was so Changsha -- hot, noisy, everybody out after dark, lights, horns, construction, dusk and bbq

maybe it's not all going to fit in the truck? but we don't worry, it'll work out somehow

praying today with Peng Peng and Wang Ayi, Peng Peng's lunch especially that fish of hers that first welcomed us to this city

fun times with helpful visitors today

Buoyant immaterial strength woven into our beings

2016-07-07T14:09:00.001+08:00

I thought I was feeling okay about this move, it's all cool, until this morning. Right after I soaked my heart in the Psalms and resolved to love my neighbor and trust God, right after I sent a voice message to my family saying, basically, no problem doing great! Less than a minute later, a flash argument with Drew about a key -- a key -- and suddenly there was an explosion, "Just forget it!" and I did chuck that book of Psalms right across the sunporch, splaying out the pages crumpled against the floor. Before Drew had a chance to respond I was already running up the mountain trails.

Well, don't worry. We made things right before Drew started his first office meeting of the day, hit the reset button. Now I squarely face reality: I am grieving + I am stressed. That combo. Of course I am grieving for all the people here, seven and and half years of the good kind of co-dependence, but you know? I am also going to miss this physical apartment, where all the life happened. Joyful, sorrowful, angry, desperate, celebratory, meaningful -- there was so much living and growing inside these 80 square meters on the sixth floor. It was good! SO good. I am thankful.

Now to release.

Release this place, and to a degree, all these relationships.

And yet, all that living and growing goes along with us:

Buoyant immaterial strength woven into our beings. Taking that with.

I think, I hope, this is what we leave our friends with as well.

counting the graces

thank you Father for unmerited favor

Qingzi, a wonderful tutor for Titus, and we were a family for this young girl alone in the big city

you keep me steady when the sky is falling, I keep steady after you...so let the stars drop whatever comes I'll be ready, you keep me steady

Drew is always lightning-quick to reconcile, appreciate that about him

Reuben's third birthday -- he is cherished now, and we got to see photos of how his dearest celebrated with him

learning from David's example to be emotionally honest in prayer, say it like it is rather than pretending I'm otherwise, and then letting you respond

it says that you actually do catch all of my tears, yes, you know and care deeply

it's been an unusually cool July so far

a little more liberation from evaluating self based on the reaction of people -- a little more evaluating self based on if I have complied with you

homemade yogurt frozen with bananas, peaches, oats, flax, pumpkin seeds, cinnamon

bumping into landlord at just the right moment, check that off

availability of fresh greens for lunch

supper with Titus' best friend Zhao Zixuan, some other kids and moms, happily trapped in a basement hot pot restaurant while it downpoured

lavish kindness of friends from Chinese ch who will drive us seven hours to our new home this weekend!

waking up naturally, feeling peaceful, feeling held with Drew there

Adoption: You are the one rescued, this is all of the broken's story

2016-07-01T12:00:00.001+08:00

These are the words of Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts -- her story that changed mine -- and testimony-teller at A Holy Experience:

I just know that no one need adopt if they think they get to sign up to be some Savior White Barbie swooping into rescuing any abandoned child because the truth of it is:
You’re the one rescued — you can’t rescue anybody. You only get to hold on to the Rescuer.

I just know that no one gets to mug for the camera with a flash of pearly whites and their newly adopted family without stepping into a story of trauma. The only way a family is made through adoption — is for someone to lose a family first. The only way anyone gets to adoption is through a door of loss and unless you fully feel the depth of that loss, the door you’re walking through leads to nowhere honest.

I just know there’s a whole lot I don’t know at all and no one ever brings home any new child, born or adopted, without pain. Children only come to us through pain — like love only comes to us with pain.

They say that 77% of practicing Christians believe Christians have a responsibility to adopt, but only 5% of Christians have adopted — and I get why it’s tempting to think you shouldn’t adopt and someone else should and I get the choking fears and I get the questions that won’t stop haunting and I get that supporting adoption doesn’t mean that we’re all called to adopt because caring for orphans looks different for each of us, but it has to look like something — and I never stop getting over how Jesus left the 99 for the 1 and the whole focus of our Father is fighting for orphans, making them sons and daughters.

God searched for you, found you, fought for you, signed the papers with His blood and He adopted you and brought you Home –and the only way any of us get into the family of God is through the most painful adoption.

If real belief cares for the orphans — can one be a believer and not be caring for at least one orphan in some small way?

Adoption is all of the broken’s story.

We’re all sort of a different kind of the same kind of broken.

Full post here.

counting the graces

thank you, I can't thank you enough
the Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit
I sought the Lord and he answered me, he delivered me from my fears
many are the afflictions of people who live God's way, but the Lord delivers them out of them all
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned
for the ever-failing, recovering perfectionist, Jesus is my perfect. it's better that way -- liberation
loving friends
we finished our study of 1 John, and it was a rich, satisfying, and life-changing year
brothers & sisters want to drive us out to our new house when we move
for the strength you supply to Drew, carrying heavy stress at work and handling it like a champion
for how much Titus has learned and grown this year in first grade, his wonderful attitude
for forgiving me when I'm mean, strict & too results-focused
all the good news from Minnesota home & family
your VOICE OF TRUTH
leading us to release...

My Sister

2016-06-25T14:37:00.004+08:00

Thank you, thank you, thank you. My sister -- she is grace, so much more than I ever dreamed.

Your love is my blood

2016-06-13T16:47:00.005+08:00

Almanac No. 1 by Giants & Pilgrims

You and I

have a history before mine starts.

You and I

share a heart

since mine gave up.

and Your love is my blood,

Your love is my blood.

You remind me of why I break my hands

You remind me of why I move my feet

You remind me of why I give a damn

You remind me of the Breaking Love I need --

You remind me of everything poured out

You remind me of my identity

You remind me of why I call this home

You remind me of the Breaking Love I need.

Betony Coons art

You and I

have a history before mine starts.

You and I

share a heart

since mine gave up.

counting the graces

thank You for

our morning light together, with your recorded Story, a glass ball jar of green tea and Taiqi flute soft through the open windows

meeting a kindred God-seeker at the mountain lake, a broken up woman desperately worshipping the only god she knows, Buddha / the universe

Titus & Mike being right there to talk about it...and all kinds of deep things we've encountered recently, like the duckling who didn't develop properly

one cool afternoon with no class, two happy boys with new fishing nets, a mountain and a lake

making it safely through an intense three-day weekend of multiple big dinner gatherings, goodbye parties
faithful from the South Ch who have loved us so good

seeing Jen on the phone today, and seeing all the photos of her graduation party with both sets of parents, all our sibs there together

Mandie, for initiating that connection, and also for bringing Ethan back to MN

air conditioning, ice and popsicles

leftovers from friends for an easy weeknight dinner
joy of open hands, letting material possessions go and obtaining a fuller life instead

Our beautiful child is a grace to behold

2016-06-08T13:31:00.003+08:00

It's a big day for our family! Today, our dossier -- the culmination of all documents we have been preparing in stages for the past nine months -- has been submitted to the Chinese governing body which oversees adoption affairs.

Months earlier we were "locked in" with pre-approval to adopt Reuben, and now wait for China's final approval to complete his adoption. Paperwork remains with US Immigration, and then we will receive China's invitation to travel and bring Reuben home. Another two or three months will pass before that day.

Last night in the dark, strolling around the campus pond, Drew and I reflected on the good timing of Reuben's homecoming. We had hoped for June, before his third birthday on July 4th. That would have been less than ideal for Reuben, as we are uprooting with a major move on July 10th. He is in a rich and loving environment presently, in a temporary group foster home. We will move house first, become grounded, and bring him into an established home life. Thanks be to God for his wisdom in directing the course Reuben's life and ours, weaving us together in just the right season.

Reu looks somber in these photos, but we happen to know that he is a silly, smiley, active and peppy little kiddo.

Oh my this is really happening! I'm going to be a Mama again! Drew is Baba to one more, Titus is the big BIG bro, and Michael isn't the youngest in this home for the first time.

Reuben is restored to family. For the rest of his life, he's got us all: Daddy, Mommy, brothers, other siblings to come? (I think YES) grandparents, great-grandmas, aunts, uncles, and cousins. All his!

Grace to behold, this child given -- to touch someone holy, breathe in his scent, feel his heart beat and chest rise and fall with breath in next to my own, know and delight in his ever-growing personality, weave in our selves and grow up together, to treasure and affirm all he is -- our Reuben.

counting the graces by Titus

thank you Father for

having a lot of good time at school

helping me to eat my lunch faster

getting to do a lot of jobs at home, like vacuuming my room, hanging clothes, washing dishes

my friends Zhao Zixuan, Ting Ting, Xu Ximing, Xun Junjie

getting to wear sandals

going to Pingtan and the time is almost up so I'm really happy

getting to have a time with Waigong & Waipo at the beach

Mording Hug

2016-06-03T15:06:00.002+08:00

"Mai Mai, Mr. Chen told me you were whimpering all morning at school. Why were you so sad?"

"Because I did not get a mording hug."

Drew usually takes Mike to kindergarten, but since he has been traveling often this spring, Mike and I have shared many walks to school. I like to carry him, like this, our faces close together so we can talk and smooch on the road. Mike calls it our mording hug. After a stretch of weeks, finally Drew was reinstated as the escort and apparently, Daddy was unaware of the mording hug protocol. "You can walk, son." The little boy was dropped off so emotionally unfulfilled and disappointed that he cried all morning!

Daddy understands the significance of mording hug now.

Mording hug means so much to the boy that, to him, it symbolizes our love and relationship. He found a blank note card in our house, drew this picture of us in mording hug mode, sealed and presented the envelope to me as a surprise.

I'll never forget this. Ever.

Is it because very soon Mike will no longer be our youngest, our baby?

Is it because those mording hugs mean just as much to me too?

It is because he is turning six years-old next month?

It is because he lost his first tooth yesterday?

It is because we recently uncovered these little-Mike videos from the archives?

Mike steps on one rat.

Look, Mom. Gone. No rats!

Mike is expecting a baby, Jack baby.

Babies need food, breakfast, and ice cream.

Mike is a big, scary lion.

ROOOAAAARR!

It's probably all of those reasons. These days, I am treasuring my Michael Isaac.

'Specially our mording hugs.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

catching up with Ethan on skype, thank you for a loving, caring brother!

Mike lost a tooth, and he's ready to be a big brother to Reuben

snuggling with Titus & Mike in the dawn light

waking to birds' song

the pounding rain last night

day of rest on a Wednesday, no place we had to go, school off for Children's Day

real food

Drew's affection

working repaired internet

time to exercise every morning, I do not take this for granted! thank you!

kids helping to put on fitted sheets and returning the mattress to its frame, put away dishes, wash dishes, pick up their room

Zhao Zixuan, our best buddy who knows where we keep the chopsticks and hot sauce in the kitchen -- he's been here for many meals

healing my body

teaching me how to abide in grace, so I can start again at any moment -- rather than stumbling in self-reliant perfectionism which is paralyzing

GRACE! I have discovered your grace in a new way, I am made new yet again, growing up, thank you

cloud of witnesses, family

Nan, Sam and Ben visiting our home, bringing their joyful spirits and affirmation, their stories as testimony to your kindness

inspiration for music this Sunday

Ps 62 & 63 this am, "for you alone my soul waits in silence" -- I abandon the course of our lives to your design! my mental space is stayed on you, what joy

Sneak peak of our new house

2016-05-30T15:31:00.000+08:00

This past weekend Titus, Michael and I made the half-day train and bus trip to Pingtan village, our future home. Moving date is set for July 10th -- about one month! Drew couldn't make it because, well, he's doing business in several cities of Saudi Arabia for about two weeks. Earlier we had planned to meet our landlord and sign the rental housing contract this weekend. Rather than delaying, we decided that I would go without Drew and handle the matter.

Done.

This was no small feat.

Here we are in our landlord, Wu Zhe's empty home -- our future home -- where he and his enormous extended family had gathered to prepare an impressive dinner. They went through serious pains to offer hospitality, not to mention having recently renovated the kitchen and bathrooms in anticipation of our moving in.

This is the day I had to be a man, in Drew's place. All the ladies and children were seated at a side table, all the men relatives at the main table, and me in the place of honor next to Wu Zhe, where Drew would have been. In God's grace I had a blast keeping up with man-toasting and joking and political village talk in this immensely significant meal that outweighs any signature on a contract.

Then we did sign, but only because we had said all the right things and clanked our glasses together fifty times prior.

Wu Zhe, his wife Ou Rong and child Q-Mei were all at the lunch, and saw us of at the bus station the next day too.

HEY.

Wanna see a few sneak peaks of our house?

That wasn't very satisfying was it? I know. I'll get more next time. When we move in!

The house is a traditional wooden Dong structure with three levels. The first level is a concrete basement, a place for animals, farm implements, mud and firewood. Level two is the living space, kitchen, bathroom and what will be our homeschool room. The upstairs has three bedrooms and a landing space. The walls and floors are single planks of wood, and very beautiful. Electrical is run in casings outside the walls. There is no heating or cooling, or insulation, but I think it's probably not really necessary. Turn on a fan in the summer, layer up in the winter.

Positionally, the house is crunched in between relatives' homes on all four sides. We won't have much breeze or sun exposure, but that's ok because who would want to do her living indoors when she is in a gorgeous green mountain river valley? Neighbors' walls are just a foot from our own, and sounds travel well through those pretty wood planks, but I see an advantage here too: Our sounds, our lives are transparent, exposed, and immersed right in the midst of our neighbors'.

Plus. Get this y'all. I timed the walk to school -- behind the chicken coop, around the rice paddy, past the altar to local spirits and BAM! Titus & Mike are at the school gate in only 43 seconds. We are also just a skip from the river, mountain trails, and the main road which has general stores, a post office and a somewhat-hourly bus into town.

I suppose since photos of our home were few, at least I could show you a little more of the village! Every five days there is a market.

There is so much more to show you, but let's pause here, ok? I hope you're beginning to dream about coming to visit. Or even... coming to live here. It's a beautiful environment, home to hard-working, warm, trustworthy folks. There is much redemptive work aching to be carried out, and whispers of a redemptive message waiting to be articulated.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

recently a deeper understanding of the boundless grace that you have extended to me personally, and connecting this to Romans 6-7

N&N's empowerment

that liberated moment walking around the village at dusk on the first night thinking, I'm home

seeing for miles and green miles across the misty mountains early in the morning

smooth, tight connections, quiet and clean travel with two helpful companions, Titus & Mike

purple little wildflowers growing at Titus schoolyard here in Changsha

staying up late around the fire pit, and playing guitars with N&N

dreaming of decorating our new house, cleaning up the junk yard out front, making use of the adjacent empty chicken coop

dreaming of sharing this beautiful village home with my visiting parents, and someday other siblings too

Days

2016-05-22T22:36:00.002+08:00

counting the graces
thank you Father for

cousin!

relaxed chat with Teacher Ren this morning

leeks in with the green beans, ribs, taco salad (not all in one meal duh) and generally all kids of delicious on the table

kind friends for Titus & Mike -- Zhao Zixuan, Rui Rui, Xu Ximing, Fan Yuanjun

Drew jumped in on a 3K military race around the track and felt so happy back in the pack

horse (bball), frisbee with Jared, and Jared passed his thesis defense, and received many job offers

Qingzi coming tonight, Sunday night, to tutor Titus

the best time chatting with Mingxiao, her easy laughter, love for your word and the way she connects with our kids especially over a storybook

blue purple earrings, a handmade gift from my student Grace

Titus & Mike giving thanks to you for new bicycles

grasping the wisdom of Paul's letter to Titus, the character contrast and "speak evil of no one"

persistence to complete T25 Alpha and enjoy it

Mingxiao

2016-05-18T17:11:00.001+08:00

We've known Mingxiao (Michelle) for several years. She is wonderful.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

puzzle time, reading time, lego time, basketball time, battleship time -- playing with my kids!

Mom's broccoli growing stronger in her hoop house

Titus' colorful thumbprint balloon flying bicycle painting

so many kind people to whom I may write thank-you notes, pausing to acknowledge human vessels of your grace

David's charge to Solomon at the end of his life

Dad's squinty smile

when Mike automatically brings his reading lesson into the kitchen as I'm beginning to cook dinner

our early morning light, together

last night's family dance break in the living room

you're helping LJ to persevere this week, without hubby home, no running water and chicken pox going around

Titus and Mike warmly welcomed to village school

Thursdate

2016-05-13T21:52:00.002+08:00

This date, on a Thursday night, was made possible by

Taide and Maicheng gone out on a late-night birthday party for a little kid.

(No wonder everyone guesses our boys are twins, right? Look at those bros.)

So Drew and I made reservations.

(Fancy! Noted: we have been dating for thirteen years.)

We laughed, and toasted because life is good, God is good.

We have loved our seven years in Changsha and are thankful for everything, everyone.

Thank you! Yes, you reading this! -- for supporting us along the way.

Could not have, could not be here now without your support.

In the next few months we'll be moving to the countryside, adjusting job, gaining a new son.

JAZZED!

counting the graces

thank you Father for

seeing Drewwy so happy, cavalier, a great weight lifted off his shoulders, on our dinner date

Titus and Mike welcomed into neighbor grandparents' garden, to look for a lost toy helicopter

walking home everyday with Titus, listening to his imaginative ideas

walking home everyday with Mike, balancing him on the rail fence

YF asked Auntie Wang to bring her to gathering

video of Reuben Thunder -- soon, soon, we can see him and hug him!

Leslie has been more than a friend and confidant, she has been a sister and aunt

basketball and snacks after school with classmates

Drew's consistently excellent performance reviews at work

wind

breakfast time reading of the Story, and talks; lunchtime reading of novels, looking forward to picking up the story each day

hydrangeas blooming downstairs

bedroom -- feminine, soft and soothing

forbearance extended to each other today when we knew we were all tired and grouchy

To be loved by someone like that

2016-05-06T14:51:00.000+08:00

She had asked me for my mailing address months ago; I thought nothing of it.

Then one day, a good month after my birthday had passed, a phone call. Package downstairs. I hadn't ordered anything online; what could it be?

Two eager boys armed with scissors helped me cut open the cardboard box, and inside? Documents, tangibles, record of true friendship. Wang Zhao had written me blue sticky notes during her long work days, "Sometimes when I'm at work, I think of something I want to share with you, and I just write it down for you, for later." She had developed photos from times shared together. And one night, she had sat at her desk inside the Social Welfare Institute - orphanage, her life-long residence, and penned a letter to Ruiqiu (Rachel), all the corners of her mind and heart taking shape in sturdy, curvy, clear characters.

And I had cried a little when I read it, because, I have a true friend. Wang Zhao.

Because all the years of leaving home and being where I don't belong and breaking my brain and feeling that gut-humiliation of learning Chinese --

I can lay back on my bed, and in the lamplight with comfort and ease, read her letter.

Every word.

Her pen, her words, her logic, her context, her perspective -- I know. I identify.

I know Wang Zhao's heart. I have a true friend.

Do you know how powerful it is to be loved by someone?

Someone who was herself abandoned as a baby, because her body wasn't quite right. Someone who never knew a father to toss her up in the air with laughter, or tell her she was prettiest girl he ever saw. Someone who never had a mother to hold her when she was sick, or bake her a birthday cake, or whisper, I love you my sweet baby, and plant a soft kiss on her forehead every single night as she fell asleep.

Do you know how powerful it is to be loved by someone like that?

When one who has grown in total poverty of family - opportunity - support - resources -- draws up our of her own heart the deepest of friendship, and extends it to the rich?

The rich feel they've been handed some kind of treasure they never knew they were missing.

When she, the deep well of friendship, folds 520 colored birds and puts them in a jar for you, and writes that it's a surprise birthday gift, "Think of me when you see this."

Because of her condition, her fingers are short and clumsy. "I folded 520 birds for you," she wrote, "but not all of them fit in the jar."

There was a letter for Siyuan (Drew) too. Generous words for his tangible help and warmth.

"I thought and thought for so long about what I could get for you, I wanted it to be special, so I decided to order custom pens."

One is engraved with our names beside Wang's Friend.

The other lists our names again, this time claimed as Wang's Family.

This reminds me so much of the poor widow who donated a penny, and Jesus praised her for her generosity that exceeded the big dollar gifts of others. They all gave out of their wealth, Jesus stated, but she gave out of her poverty.

The great gift here is not that we have loved Wang Zhao. With all the riches of love and resources that have been poured over Drew and myself from birth, we haven't yet met the minimum -- to whomever much is given, of him much will be required.

The marvel that will break me in the best way every time I think on it is that, out of her total poverty of family, her complete absence of resources, Wang Zhao has loved us.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

watching via skype as my brother and his beloved surprised my parents with a visit & birthday party!

Drew is home from Sydney, Australia as of the early morning hours --

I slept half the night in the comfort of his embrace, Titus played legos with him, Mike walked home from school with him, we all shared lunch together

M&D called, P&S want to skype, Mom sends photos and msgs, this family loves

Titus smiling big and saying, "I'm so happy!" on our sunny walk home from school

Emily and kids stayed with us yesterday night, she prioritizes relationships and I feel it when she listens and talks

toys strewn all about the house by Em's little boys, evidence of curious and playful children present

early sunrise mornings on the sunporch, squashing temptation before breakfast, setting an intention, and being filled with the Word straightaway

kids built a castle out of big paving stones

Mike reports that he had a "busy" morning at school with so many things to do, and someone had a birthday

air quality has been better this spring than last

all the wisdom of Colossians, especially to be "abounding in thanksgiving" and "you are filled"

hiking through the woods at dusk, alone, sweating a little and feeling perfectly content

TEH came to deliver her wedding invitation in person, and to pray together

reflecting, remembering our years with Jonathon -- what a treasure it was that we held when he was here, and now to know how he is cherished and nurtured

YF's recognition that she needs a Solid Rock

Fix a tombstone: Your neighbors will be gratified

2016-04-19T22:38:00.001+08:00

The three of us stood over the stone sunk in the trail, discussing whether it had characteristics of a common rock or a cut grave stone. My argument was compelling: uniform rectangular shape, notches, located in an alley of family grave mounds.

If it was indeed a grave marker, it felt terribly improper and impious to leave it fallen face-down in the trail, every day trodden upon by mountainside hikers.

Tomb-Sweeping Day, when families tend to ancestors' graves, had come and passed and the rock was yet unrestored. Sunk so deep in the mud, it had probably been fallen for years.

I knew it was all up to us. One Sunday afternoon I recruited a team of competent archeologists, and in between spells of rain showers, we hiked up the hill with a small shovel in our backpack.

Several hikers of all ages passed by on the trail as we hewed red dirt. Nervous about how a family of foreigners digging on the edge of a grave mound might be perceived...oh dear... I greeted each one with a warm smile and explained the propriety behind the excavation. Fortunately none misjudged us to be a band of grave diggers, rather, all approved this act of filial piety.

By the way! Just uphill from here there is an enormous old grave mound belonging to a woman that does appear to have been dug into, deep! What!!! !!!

The fallen stone indeed marked the resting place of Grandfather Deng, interred in 1971. It's his foot stone actually, with his mound behind, that was set a little too close to the trail. Some folks have foot stones rather than head stones, or both, and I don't know why.

We brushed off the stone and rebuilt a base. Rest In Peace now, Grandfather Deng!

I posted these exact photos with a brief explanation on my WeChat (a ubiquitously used Chinese app similar to Twitter). Friends' responses were unprecedented in enthusiasm and volume. People were touched -- touched y'all -- in the depths of their hearts. Friends who had seen the post approached me and poured out gratitude. Such a surprise! That Chinese value proper homage of elders and ancestors is known, but I never anticipating this sweating a little to restore a lonely forgotten gravestone would communicate to our neighbors we understand and share your values, and we will spend our time and energy actualizing these values.

So, if you ever find yourself living in China, just find and fix an abandoned tomb.

Your neighbors will be gratified and honored, and get all the warm, loved feels in their souls.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

emails from friends who think deeply about life and love from the heart

several varieties of green tea in the cupboard, green tea, the delight of my mornings

my dad loves my mom like crazy and he wants her birthday to be special

children in my home -- I am their mother, this is a rich and full existence

connecting with YF and WW

big yummy kumquats in season

spring downpours, thunderstorms, windstorms, cleansing the air and allowing us to keep our windows wide open

one who's been missed and away is taking steps back home, to wellness

praying with YMX

letter in the mail from Sister Marie

having a sweet little sick Michael recovering in the comfort of Mama's bed all day long, Titus joining him to read books

Drew's done business in a few corners of this ol world and its grown his skills greatly

you've supplied the resolve to stick with habits for a well, healthy life these days as Drew's been away

WZ's astounding thoughtful surprise gift in the mail that made me feel so loved to the point of tears

Goodbye Drew

2016-04-12T08:15:00.000+08:00

Drew is en route to Moscow this morning, returning home on April 22nd. The above photo is actually from last week's trip -- he spent the work week in Shenzhen and Guangzhou. Two weeks ago he abruptly went to Hong Kong for a few days.

After Moscow Drew will come home, then go to Saudi Arabia. This frequency of travel isn't quite typical; it just happens that April is the month of business trips. Why does he travel? Drew manages the New Business Development team for Anker, and travels to establish partnerships in emerging markets of Southeast Asia, the Middle East and Eastern Europe.

Spring colds are making the rounds in our home. I'm sick! Thankfully, while is Drew is away our family has support. Auntie Wang still helps with housework on Monday and Friday mornings. Ms. Qingzi is Titus' Chinese tutor four evenings each week. And we have loving friends who are a phone call away.

The Lord helps me. Everyday. Truly.

And so does Spiderman.

Can you pray for us in April?

Pray that Drew and I both will keep a level head, be strong, work hard, rely on God, and be joyful.

Thank you, friends.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

approval of our adoption documents from US Immigration!

this crisp bright morning awakening us

words of truth at a weak moment

bike ride after school, kids making mud "igloos" by the swan pond

cough drops, lemons, naps, yoga, tylenol, back rubs, hot showers

new starts

husband/dad that we love and enjoy so much that we really want him to be home

chance to catch up with encouraging friends yesterday

hugs

Light and Shadow

2016-04-08T18:41:00.001+08:00

life is full

of light and shadow

oh the joy

and oh the sorrow

oh the sorrow

yet will he bring dark to light

yet will be bring day from night

when shadows fall on us

we will not fear

we will remember

when darkness falls on us

we will not fear

we will remember

when all seems lost

when we're thrown and we're tossed

we'll remember the cost

we're resting in the shadow of the cross

lyrics by David Crowder, Shadows

counting the graces

thank you Father for

Numbers 9 -- though in many regards they did badly, as you led with a cloud, they immediately broke camp and followed close

kids love playing in the natural light of the sunporch, today with Titus' best friend, a kind kid named Zhao Zixuan

freshness and rains recently

Drew came home last night, put the boys to bed with a story, gave me a massage, said his favorite time of day is waking up in the morning in our embrace

Natalie is healed and can go home; her mother is so strong!

rejoicing because sister is eager to return home and resume school

this pinkeye is only viral so it will clear up faster

good understanding, communication and boundaries with parents

Titus and I found fresh-cut bright pink lilies in the trash, brought them home and made our dining table bright

Dear Family, you are missed every day

2016-03-31T13:44:00.000+08:00

Presence.

Thoughts, wechat messages, emails, a rare skype chat, a rarer note in the mail, even prayers -- all of these, even with the best intentions, will for your welfare and most genuine love, never make up for presence.

Presence is necessary.

We miss you, every single day.

Love,

Drew, Rachel, Titus and Michael

counting the graces

thank you Father for

the shape of Mike's full lips -- the top lip has extra flesh inside from a healed cut -- his baby teeth, and little cleft chin

Titus' heart of empathy, wanting to be helpful and saying, "Following Jesus can be hard, Mom" when he sensed I was upset after being shamed by his teacher

post-lunch nap, rest

beginning our days acknowledging you; habit of praying with Drew each morning before running out the door

Drew is nice and brushes my hair while listening to me talk talk talk

this group of daughters who can bring needs right to you, and they do

naming that jealousy and forsaking it

playfulness and vitality, sprinting down half a dozen elementary school boys in a game of hide-and-seek tag in the shrub maze

shorts and sunshine

chance to connect with YC, to speak candidly about her daughter's development and parenting style

nk asked for a home for us that would be even better than theirs, I though it was impossible, but you did it

Ol' Hawk and Little Chicks

2016-03-29T21:53:00.000+08:00

Sometimes on Friday afternoons, when school is out and the urgency of homework lifted because, tomorrow's the weekend! -- I find a gaggle of first grade boys are now in my care. Sometimes they are in my apartment, and I'm stir-frying supper for them whilst they stir-up legos, cars, magnatiles, lincoln logs, k'nex, plastic animals and bedding into a heterogeneous mixture all over the house. (!!!) Mom got smarter. More than two friends over, we're playing outside. Which is always my preference anyway -- trees to climb, green grassy fields to run -- but, boys and their legos. The appeal is real, tempting all first grade boys who deep in their hearts want to be free outside, back indoors to assemble together small plastic pieces. But we have such a good time outdoors on Fridays! Friday afternoon with our gaggle of friends is plausibly the moment we look forward to all week, and I want you to see it for yourself with these short video clips, just for you. (Admittedly also for me, so when my boys grow up I can relive these happy Fridays with children. Playing with children is the best!) Speaking of which, this very day we played a popular Chinese children's game called "Ol' Hawk and Little Chicks" in which the predator hawk tries to capture/tag the little chicks, while a designated Mama Hen is like a basketball player on defense, with wide arms blocking the hawk away from chicks scrambling behind her. Once a chick gets picked off he becomes the next hawk. I, naturally, was elected to be the Mama Hen for a million rounds and basically had the time of my life defending my chicks. The End.

counting the graces
thank you Father for

patterns on the green leaves making up the canopy at Di Ma

Titus' tender heart, his tears for things that truly are sad

how Mike always walks home from school on the rail and mossy brick wall

Drew came home so early today

azalea buds bursting open; corridor of cherry blossom trees in full bloom

reliable running, hot water

seasons of life -- this is a passing season

our parents all love each other and they are friends

One table of friends from near and far

2016-03-28T09:47:00.000+08:00

Last weekend we celebrated Li Ci's birthday.

(At left, pink panda with green hoodie.)

What a gift it has been to know her.

Of all these, Li Ci has the most tender heart. She is always the first to lend a hand.

Party people were the same crew as usual, all the "siblings" who grew up in the orphanage together.

We were missing Wang Zhao though, because she works every weekend now.

The following weekend, Easter weekend, Mark and son Jonathan came to our home.

Mark and wife Joy are long-time friends of Drew's family, also from Minnesota. Their family of ten has been living and working in Shanghai for nearly two years, and will repatriate this summer.

Mark gave Drew the best and most needed gifts: listening, reassuring, understanding.

I think Drew has extra courage today.

Jonathan was very helpful with Titus' homework, and demonstrated to Titus and Mike how to be a kind, self-motivated, adventurous, helpful guy.

Our worlds, East and West, past and present, came together as we shared a meal together at one table.

Thank you Father for the diverse mix of people with whom we are graced to share life.

Thank you for the unique personality, experiences and perspective of each one.

Thank you for the moments we have to share ourselves.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

happy news of a new baby girl and loving care from Amber

long hike winding through woods, hills, graveyards, tea fields, around lakes and over springs

prayer with Drew this morning, Spirit guiding our words and changing our perspective

bracelets made by Titus and Mike

bright sun warming our sunporch to get us up and ready for Monday morning

being able to complete Titus' reading homework during the downtime at church

game date with Mike on the sunporch while everyone else was out

your mercy is new each day, you are faithful, constant, you will not grow weary or annoyed or ever give up on me

Welcome To The New Age

2016-03-25T21:26:00.001+08:00

Humble, inopulent hero

the game-changer

armed with supernatural power

triumphs over the undefeated champ

vanquishing his entire operation
exacting justice

liberating the captives

out of dungeon darkness and

into a life of light

forever.

Welcome to the new age.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

squishy soft mossy green grassy meadow, and the sun setting low behind towering trees

whole mess of kids running about kicking a ball and climbing trees with rope, my boys among them

playing “hawk catches little chicks" with those kids, and I got to be the mama hen

Auntie Wang is taking excellent care of people in her family who are difficult to love, she's been transformed by Jesus

nap in the sun on the porch

expectation of a sister to love and befriend

caraway rye bread and zesty cabbage bacon stew

running in the sunshine around Back Lake, and feeling optimistic and alive with a yoga stretch

Your Letters

2016-03-22T11:49:00.003+08:00

You have extended so much support and kindness to us over the years. We are grateful for each and every one of you. Thank you for the different ways that you have helped us along in our sojourning in Changsha. Everything you have done is greatly appreciated.

Every now and then we arrive home to find a surprise on our stairwell door:

Letters, from you. One of the various ways you have extended support.

Your letters mean so much to us.

Because we need you.

Seven years in, and this living where we don't belong, where we haven't kin, where words and ways around us are yet confusing -- it is still lonely and difficult.

We know it takes effort and time to write and send snail mail, that's why we appreciate your hand-written notes all the more. Thank you so much. Arriving home in the middle of a tough day, opening the envelope to find words of care inside -- you've saved the day many times.

Writing letters is something that I hope to do more often this year. I quit facebook forever with the intent of using that time for more meaningful interactions with people.

Aunt Adeline, Release Time Group of Oak Heights, Grandma Bonnie, thank you for writing.

You move me to tears with your love.

Thank you for sharing your stories, being present, remembering birthdays and holidays, reminding us that we have family, expressing your care. You really cannot imagine how much your kindness has helped us along. My goal is to write back more often! I will try.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

supportive community of faithful, authentic people

hope for this life and for a restored life-world-body-existance

Gershwin

crying and disconsolate, you are ever "the God who sees"

Auntie Wang's help with laundry and cleaning when I feel buried under my responsibilities

the cross really does solve everything. really.

exposure of where my happiness has been built on sinking sand, so I can fix that problem

round purple eggplants for stuffed eggplant supper

Liu Jia (Lydia) is one of my very best friends, so loving, she's been a model for me to aspire to

Math has never been sweeter

2016-03-16T11:53:00.001+08:00

When you're seven years old,

and you have more than seven pages of math homework,

how about some fractions?

1/4

2/4

3/4

Gone.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

Jesus, who remembers

you led us to pray rather than fight

new playground equipment at Mike's preschool

Auntie Wang incrementally gained so much resilience and wisdom as she began to know you

attempts to defame Drew's character, but he's cool

Stephen's years of hard work through medical school and complete submission to your leadership in his life's course

dark rye loaf

I trust in your word and wisdom, free from trying to decide to which of man's innumerable contradictory philosophies I should subscribe

trusting in you, not the government, for water

trusting in you for the health of our bodies

believing that through you and in your will all things -- the seemingly impossible -- are attainable

State of The Family Address

2016-03-13T21:32:00.001+08:00

Where you are, does spring present herself with ambivalence? In Changsha we admired cherry blossoms in our short-sleeved t-shirts. Two days later it snowed!

I thought you may appreciate a wide-scope description of our lives, so I give you our Spring 2016 State of the Family Address.

Let's begin with Drew, dauntless Drew. He performs very well at his job as the manager of a multinational sales team, bearing the weight of each high-pressure day. When he arrives home sometime between 7 and 10pm, he is tired but supportive. Drew's presence in the office has been a unique testimony of God to all with whom Drew works. He and another believer -- also a husband, father, businessman -- have been meeting to support each other in filling all those roles. Next month Drew will take a business trip to Moscow and somewhere in Saudi Arabia. Somehow this semester he is determined to complete and defend his master's thesis. He also must transition our family into the major changes coming this summer (more about that another day...). Drew only rests when he is sleeping; the man is highly efficient with his time. He follows through on everything to which he commits himself. Though he is worn out, he is constantly serving, problem-solving, and meeting others' needs with a willing heart.

Rachel, that's me -- by the way, I just turned 30 which means the Chinese government will allow me to adopt a Chinese child, let's do it! -- I'm overseeing the boys' schooling, both English homeschooling and local Chinese public school, which is more than a full-time job. Chinese school is particularly difficult, but I appreciate learning much alongside Titus. Nurturing children, cooking, shopping and managing home affairs are my responsibilities. Besides this, I am in a discipleship triad that means a lot to me and the two other women. I am privileged to support families of our Chinese church as a co-teacher for children. I find pleasure in planning and leading worship through song for a group gathering. I feel troubled by our stress levels and wish our lives were characterized instead by wellness. My favorite thing on earth right now is hiking the wooded mountainside with my kids.

Drew and I thank God for all we have been through and where we are now. However, we do not intend to remain here, dying a slow certain death by adrenal fatigue and sky-scraper high cortisol levels induced by corporate-world, frantic urban life. And by urban life I mean urban death.

Reuben (2.5 years-old)...wonder what he's doing today? Drew and I are eager to delight in and cherish another little person who will be our very own. We wait on God to bring us together at the right time, perhaps this summer? Last week we travelled to the US Consulate in Guangzhou for fingerprinting; presently our documents are in process with US Immigration, and then they'll be sent to Beijing.

Michael (5.5 years-old), is in Chinese kindergarten every weekday morning, and with me the rest of the day. Mike is doing very well. He's highly social. He is quite straight-forward, decisive, self-aware and articulate. He is a very kinesthetic child, craving and initiating tender affectionate touch and rough wrestling too. Recently he has been learning to write the alphabet and numbers, and read a little bit. Mike has been dealing with encopresis (bowel incontinence) for about a year, and we have made progress learning to manage it.

Titus (7.5 years old) takes Chinese language and math class at our neighborhood primary school. I am very proud of him: He is a generous friend, respectful pupil, and academically has worked extra hard to keep up with his classmates. This spring we are working much more on English and other subjects at home, and I have found it a joy to teach my amiable Titus. My big boy is sensitive. He has a gift of empathizing with others and feels loved when his feelings are heard and affirmed. He likes freedom and being self-determined, climbing trees, creating and running wild; he doesn't care for competition or imposed challenges. He seeks companionship but is equally content in his rich inner world.

If you are a person of prayer, could we kindly ask you to keep us in mind?

Pray that we can rest in God, lean into God when pressure seems too great
Let's be specific and lift up the completion of that thesis!
Pray that God will sustain our health under stress -- strong, sound bodies and souls
Pray for our kids wellness, all three

Thank you for your loving support.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

bringing the water back on

Titus tonight listing all the gifts you've given him, and it grounded me and made me cry a little

Drew keeps his heart close and open to mine even when he is troubled

your excellent plans unfolding in brother's life

Mike just saying "thank you Mommy" and Titus noticing my feelings

free blow-up balloon swords for the boys in their favorite colors, orange for Mike and blue for Titus

new co-workers for our children's class!!!

guys spent a couple hours together building a cool lego toy -- quality father and son time

hot shower and crying and feeling better

supportive, outstanding friends. I have the best friends. thank you so much.

Liu Jia (Lydia's) loving encouraging message, she continuously humbled and grounds me

Wang Zhao sang happy birthday to me on national television-- what? the love

we don't know what to do but you always give us wisdom and carry us through

JoyFuel

2016-03-03T09:37:00.000+08:00

We all need real joy to fuel us through life. God fills our days with gifts: life-giving, joy-birthing, hope-sustaining gifts. This blog has always been a medium for me to name those gifts, giving thanks, growing joy, gathering strength. Could I share with you a few jubilant moments from the past month?

May you also be inspired to pause and name God's gifts, giving thanks, growing joy, gathering strength. If you'd like to tell me about God's gifts to you, go ahead and write a comment or send me an email! Share your JoyFuel!

A soul-sister friend Emily, with her cute children, stayed with us for a week.

Movin' the bod and feeling alive.

Leslie had a birthday party with a whole bunchakids (and adults).

Leslie is our family's BFF since 2009. We need her.

One giant step closer to Reuben:

Sent in a massive package of adoption documents to US Immigration.

Found a trove of shed shake skins on the mountain, by the lake. COOL!

Skins were 1.5 meters long. Did not find a snake.

Partied with friends cuz God is good and it's the Year of the Monkey.

Drew and I stole away for a couple days.

(But there wasn't champaign on ice, and we weren't prisoners, if you know what I mean.)

Wang Zhao and Tan Jing came over a couple times, including babysitting our boys one evening.

Hiking, hiking, daily hiking and exploring these wooded hills behind our home.

Next-door neighbors are always cooking up laughter and delectable cuisine.

The Lord is my strength and my shield.

I trust in him with all my heart.

He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.

I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

Psalm 28:7

...the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Nehemiah 8:10

counting the graces

thank you Father for

chesed/hesed -- your lovingkindness, grace, favor, agape love, felt through my friends yesterday

Wang Zhao's message

new depths of understanding that this is your work, leaving it to you and releasing that burden

embracing and enjoying my increased role as homeschool teacher, putting my heart into the wellness and growth of these children

singing with my kids! their sweet voices!

new friends from conference

kindness of P

Wang Wei's smile walking in the door today

purple-tipped flowers in a pretty bouquet from Drew

my parents, and my in-laws, the thread of your wisdom and grace preserving our lives through generations

What made this the best Chinese New Year yet?

2016-02-26T22:20:00.003+08:00

"This year," we said, "we'll just stay home and have a nice, quiet Spring Festival by ourselves."

(Quiet including the all-night, all-sides fireworks explosions which threaten to shatter the bedroom window glass, of course.)

But when it came down to it I couldn't pass up an invitation to celebrate Chinese New Year in the countryside -- because at this point it just doesn't feel like CNY unless you're surrounded by rice paddies and tombs, eating fatty meat dishes painstakingly prepared by a stout grandmother over a wood-burning stove. Yang Cong, a neighbor and friend (she accompanied me to the US two years ago; our boys have been preschool classmates for three years) invited us to her parents' home just outside of Changsha. I knew Drew needed to stay home and chill out, so I proposed that the boys and I go to the country for a couple days while Drew seize the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of having our apartment all to himself! He thought it was a superb arrangement. Yang Cong and her family are so easy-going, it was easy for them to understand Drew's wish for solitude.

Titus, Michael and I reveled in what turned out to be the most pleasant Spring Festival I have yet experienced these seven years in Changsha. Why? Number one, as I said, Yang Cong's family is so relaxed, they don't make a fuss about anything. You know what I'm talking about -- when you're the guest, and your hosts drop formalities, take care of you but go about their business and allow you to go about yours. Besides that, the weather was unbeatable, they didn't have a TV or couch so we didn't watch the dreaded (by me) annual New Year's Eve program, we hiked rice fields and climbed small mountains, venerated ancestors, shared many stimulating conversations, learned how to clean chicken intestines for human consumption, ate produce of their garden, and Mike & Rui Rui both managed to step knee-deep into cow waste. I guess that was my least favorite part.

Meanwhile, Drew was back at our apartment in isolation having the time of his life drinking coffee, sleeping, reading books while drinking coffee on the sunporch, eating leftover tacos, drinking coffee, and sleeping. Yes, he can drink that much coffee and still fall instantly into a coma-like stage three deep sleep.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

waking up feeling rested this morning

fitting private space for physical training

Drew helping so willingly and so well with the boys

first-hand accounts of those whose lives have been changed, rare and the first of their people

L.F. who intentionally set up a time to dialogue with our two families about how to be well through the changes ahead, and offered her ongoing counsel

K&S, sources of wisdom gained from experience, unexpectedly here but here by your design

this is all your initiative and we're peaceful and delighted to be involved

Titus is keeping up with schoolwork and doing better everyday writing characters, I'm getting better too

a family's example of presence, life-long service commitment, reliance upon you for all needs

another family's imperative translation work, even in a lonely place you sustained them

little birthday party for several people today

date with Titus: homework at Starbucks, Ikea and the purchase of ropes, his favorite toy

sharing your inspired song with the group today