Check out episode 182: One Fun Decision (The Shoe Episode) for more ridiculation about shoes. If you’re coming here from that episode, welcome! Here are all the shoes mentioned. I do use a few affiliate links throughout this post that helps to support my one fun decision. I’m glad you’re here!

If I were in charge of things, I would vote for everyone to have at least one decision in life that you get to be ridiculously extra about. I’m not advocating that we live beyond our means, overspend, or go into debt for the sake of fun. But what if in a designated area of life or a particular recurring decision, we decided ahead of time to let it be fun and take what it takes?

What if we allowed ourselves to take our time, not because the decision actually takes that kind of time to make, but because the process itself is one we enjoy?

Maybe for you it’s planning a gathering, reviewing books, putting your TV shows into order from most favorite to least favorite. Whether it’s purchasing, planning, collecting, or researching, having one fun decision means our next right thing is to take our time and enjoy the process no matter how inefficient in might be.

Here’s one of my fun decisions: I take a ridiculously long time to decide on shoes. It’s not because it actually takes that long, it’s because I love the process. Since this is one of those areas of life where I’ve done a lot of thinking and researching, I thought it only fair that I share some of my favorite shoes with you.

Note: I buy shoes and keep them forever. I say this because most of these are on the pricey-er end. You’ve been warned.

Lotta From Stockholm: Low Wood Brown Oiled Nubuck

 Find them here: Low Wood Brown Oiled Nubuck

I bought my first pair back in 2016 and they were the first clogs I owned (chosen after months of researching clogs). I typically wear a size 7 or 7.5 US and I have the size 38 Euro in this pair. If they didn’t have a strap, I would get the 37. I wear these clogs with everything and have taken them with me when I have traveled to Israel, London (twice) and Italy.

I’ve spilled red sauce on them, walked in the pouring rain, and have navigated all manner of reasonable terrain in these and somehow they always bounce back. The water dries, the stains fade, and the shoe is better for it. (Pay no attention to the inside of my old shoes. They age well on the outside!)

I have purchased two other pairs of Lotta clogs and these are by far my favorites. The other pairs I bought: The Classic Black Clog (I returned these because I think I bought the wrong size: they kept slipping off my feet) and the Peep Toe Clogs (they look more like sandals, also have the strap. I also love these but don’t wear them as often as the Low Woods.)

Swedish Hasbeens Lacy Clog Sandal

Find them here: Swedish Hasbeen Lacy Sandal

And some similar options: Women’s Lacy Debutant Platform and Sling Back Sandals, Red

When I started looking for clogs, I had my eye on either the Lottas or the Swedish Hasbeens. So when I was in London in the summer of 2019 and happened to see a Swedish Hasbeen store in the Seven Dials area of Covent Garden, I walked right in because of course I did.

After months of reading clog reviews, I was glad to be able to try on a lot of pairs at one time. The ones I have are hard to find now, but I linked to them anyway as well as a few similar options.

If you can’t tell from the photo above, these clogs make me all kinds of happy. I think it’s my Dorothy Gale obsession. Red shoes! Now all I need is a yellow brick road.

No. 6 New School Clog on Wedge

Find them here: No. 6 New School Clogs on Wedge

This is the style Kristen Bell wears as Eleanor Shellstrop in The Good Place. She has them in Palomino and have them in Celery. Because they are slip-ons, I ordered the 37 (in clogs with straps I wear a 38) and the fit is just right for me. Bear in mind the heel is 3 inches so I don’t wear them quite as often but they are surprisingly comfortable for such a high wedge.

I knew I wanted a color other than brown or black for this stye of clog. At the time, the only other option available was this color (Celery) which is a green taupe-ish color. I might choose the Bone or Chalk (pictured above) if I had the option. Note: Mine are suede while the Palomino are not.

Tieks by Gavrieli

Find them here: Tieks Boutiek
Alternative: Lucky Brand Women’s Emmie Ballet Flat
Alternative: Minnetonka Women’s Suede Anna Ballerina Flat

Full disclosure: These are not my favorite shoes. I read reviews for months before I finally chose a pair in Metallic Gold in size 7. I am typically closer to a 7.5 but they don’t come in half sizes and the website said to size down because they stretch.

Of course when they arrived (in the most fun packaging!), they were too small and I could tell there was no hope they would stretch enough to be comfortable. So I sent them back for a size 8. (The customer service was great to work with and exchanging was easy.)

And while they are comfortable for ballet flats, they do not (in my opinion for my foot) live up to the high price tag. However, if you are a ballet flat lover and want one that travels well and will hold up over time, you might consider trying a pair of Tieks.

Pons by Avarcasusa

Find them here: Avarcas USA Pons – Use code EMILYNPONS for 15% off!

Out of all my shoes that make an appearance on Instagram, these are the ones I’m asked about the most. I’ll be honest and say when I first saw these shoes, I was not immediately drawn to them. There doesn’t seem to be much to them. Don’t they fall off your feet?! Just the one random strap?!

But because finding a great shoe is a fun process for me and because I didn’t really have a good flat that I loved, I decided to jump into the research and chose a pair of Taupe Pons in size 8 (I was worried the 7s would be too small).

I wore these for almost a full year and loved them, but always wondered if they were too big. So I was excited to find a store in San Diego that sold them in person. (That makes it sound like I just happened upon a store. For clarity, understand that when I say “found a store” I mean I obsessively researched who carried Pons in California before I visited so that I could try them on in person).

Gold Leaf (an adorable shop, by the way) carries several different colors of Pons. When I mentioned to the shop owner that I thought mine might be too big, she took one look at them and affirmed that yes, they were too big and I definitely need a size 7. So I bought a pair on the spot in Brown and have loved them since that moment.

As for the “random strap” – I cannot explain to you how they work, only that they do. Once I got the right size, I wear them everywhere all the time in spring and summer.

The shoes are handcrafted by the 3rd generation of the Pons family in Menorca, Spain and let’s just say that family knows what they’re doing. I adore these shoes.

More Favorites

Note for The Next Right Thing podcast listeners: Here are a few more shoes mentioned in the episode but can’t find links for (this is the worst photo ever I’m so sorry.)

• Skechers Luxe Bobs Rain Dance Slip-On With Memory Foam
  • A similar style at Rack Room Shoes
  • Another similar match on Amazon
• Sanita Boots: I bought these on the Lotta website. They don’t have this style now, but when they’re in season I bet they will carry them again.
• Kork-Ease Natalya Wedge Leather Bootie: I haven’t been able to find this exact style, but Kork-Ease have that signature wedge I love in several styles available widely.

I don’t know how much time I spent over the years choosing these 8 shoes but I’m here to tell you I thoroughly enjoyed the process. In fact, each shoe reminds me of a particular time in my life. I’ll stop there before I make things weird.

If this is your first time here, I don’t usually talk about shoes. But I always talk about decision-making, discernment, and your next right thing. Check out The Next Right Thing podcast or sign up here for help on making any decision today.

Once per quarter I share my in-process considerations, not necessarily fully worked out narratives. You’re invited in on the journey. I reserve the right to change my mind. Here are 8 things I’m learning in no particular order.

1. Kids will always need their parents.

Our kids are 17, 17, and 14 now and we are officially in the thick of the teenage years. Their needs are nuanced, sometimes confusing, and often hidden. But they need us every bit as much now as they did when they were toddlers. We’re learning how to show up for them without a playbook, a rulebook, or (sometimes) a clue.

2. Early Christmas shopping is the best thing ever.

Because we weren’t as busy this holiday season as we have been in years past, I did most of our Christmas shopping in November this year. All of the organized humans of the world have been telling us this secret since the dawn of time but I finally learned it for myself. Choosing gifts is much more fun when you aren’t in a hurry.

3. Time with my sister is essential.

Speaking of time, my sister and I prioritized time together this winter and it shows. She only lives a little over an hour away, but because of the pandemic we only saw each other three times in 2020 and all of those times were short, social distanced, and around other people.

For a couple of days in the last few months we finally had some time, just the two of us. We ate good food and I cried deep tears and all was right with the world again. I am more myself after I spend time with her. Little sisters will always need their big sisters.

4. “Quiet isn’t always peace.”

These words from Amanda Gorman’s inaugural poem helped me to discern an area in our life where we were remaining quiet and calling it peace. But in fact our silence was contributing to our lack of peace.

I’m grateful for the poets who use their words and help us to find our own.

5. I love gas fire logs.

This feels like a confession. 

We’ve always had a wood burning fireplace and turned our noses up at the gas logs.

We’re not like those people who just turn a knob and have fire. We have to work for it! Bring in the wood and stoke the flames and hope it catches!

And then we stayed at a house with gas logs for a few weeks while we were doing some renovations and now we will never go back.

You just turn a knob and have instant fire! No chapped lips or cold rooms in the rest of the house!

Genius.

6. I’m learning to trust my intuition.

Not at the expense of everything else and not intuition all by itself. But I’ve lived most of my life suspicious of myself and this has been a season of calling myself out on that, of paying attention to the knot in my stomach, and of moving toward what I know is right even though people around me might disagree.

7. Choosing a word for the year gives everything a frame.

I’ve not always been a word of the year person. But last year I chose the word Welcome as my word and let me just tell you: that word was a lifeline in the middle of the pandemic when everything in me wanted to reject what was happening around us.

Instead, God invited me (through my word of the year) to have a different posture toward unwanted circumstances, challenging me to welcome them instead.

We’re only a few months into this new year but already I can tell the same will happen this year.

Pro tip: if you haven’t chosen a word for the year, it’s never too late! I even think it could be helpful to choose a new word every season. This is a great time for that.

8. Water is healing, starting with our tears.

I have cried more in the last 12 months than perhaps my whole life combined. This is not an exaggeration. There was a stretch of months where I cried every single day, multiple times a day. I cried so much I thought it might be changing the actual look of my face (this is also not an exaggeration.)

It got to the point where I wished there was a new way to grieve that didn’t involve tears, like jumping or standing on our heads or taking spontaneous flight. But over time I’m learning that God knows what he’s doing, and he designed our bodies to produce healing waters that come from our eyes, the window to our souls. And they fall one drop at a time.

This is what I know: Though the days of the old school blog link up are past, I still love having a community of people who value the art of reflection. Now we have a Guided Journal dedicated to this important practice. If you don’t have a copy yet, the beginning of a season is a good time to start. I’m always glad you’re here.

Will the Circle Be Unbroken? by Sean Dietrich

The Dutch House by Ann Patchett [Audiobook]

The Blue Parakeet: Rethinking How You Read the Bible by Scot McKnight

Be the Bridge: Pursuing God’s Heart for Racial Reconciliation by Latasha Morrison

Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First.: 10 Questions to Take Your Friendships to the Next Level by  Laura Tremaine

The Lazy Genius Way: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn’t, and Get Stuff Done by Kendra Adachi

The Office: The Untold Story of the Greatest Sitcom of the 2000s by Andy Greene [Audio Book]

Searching For Sunday: Loving, Leaving and Finding the Church by Rachel Held Evans 

Welcome Home: A Cozy Minimalist Guide to Decorating and Hosting All Year Round by Myquillyn Smith

One: Unity in a Divided World by Deidra Riggs 

Finally finally finally I finished my friend Deidra’s book this summer. I started it years ago but never finished it for who knows why. But this summer I just wanted to hear from her. I wanted to lean in closer and hear her wisdom and I’m so glad I did. I’m grateful she took the time to write all of this down. The feeling I had had at the end was hope, gratitude, and a profound longing for God who is and how, at this very moment, God is in the business of making all things new.

***

As you make your own lists of books to read in 2021, perhaps you’ll add a few of my favorites into the mix. To give you more to choose from, I’ll include my 10 favorite books from the past six years.

If you would like to receive a monthly list of the books I’m reading, enter your name below and you’ll receive my most recent letter on the last day of every month. Happy reading!

 I send out a secret letter to my readers one time a month. Want to get it?

I’m all about helping you create space for your soul to breathe, starting with your inbox. Nearly 50,000 people trust me with their email address. I will never send spam or photos of bare feet. You have my word on this.

My Top 10 Favorite Books From Years Past:

“It’s not the experience that brings transformation, it’s our reflection upon our experience.”

Jan Johnson

For years I’ve been engaging in a practice of looking back before moving ahead. It started as a a post I shared at the end of every month and then transitioned to every season. We are doing our best around here, setting the intention to engage in reflection while also realizing we are all, in a way, relearning how to be people in the midst of countless transitions, questions, and reconsiderations.

This is the place once per quarter where I share my in-process considerations, not necessarily fully worked out narratives. You’re invited in on the journey. I reserve the right to change my mind.

Here are 8 things I’m learning in no particular order (some links used are affiliate links):

1. Eating out is a luxury and a gift.

It actually always has been a luxury and a gift, but this pandemic has taught me just how much. I used to take for granted the fact that we could forgo our at-home dinner plans and grab something out. Now, eating out is a rarity (Are they open? Do they have outdoor seating? Do they only do carry out?)

One of our favorite local places has outdoor seating and we took full advantage a couple of times this fall. A gift, every minute.

2. We need leaders who have a well-developed emotional intelligence.

A year ago I would have told you I am a fairly grounded person – integrated mind, body, spirit. But I’m here to tell you after this year I have a lot to learn about being at home in my body, about respecting my own intuition and emotional intelligence.

Take decision-making, for example. If we have a decision to make, most would encourage us to make a list, weigh pros and cons, find clarity of thought. When people make decisions they regret, we often say they “weren’t thinking straight” or “acted emotionally” — all negative connotations.

What about relational intelligence? Emotional maturity? Intuitive decision-making? Imagination and sensing?

Thinking is one form of intelligence, but it isn’t the only form. It’s good and needed but it also isn’t isolated. We need the heart and the body, too.

I’m not just making this up: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37

It doesn’t say Love the Lord your God with all your thinking.

There is a kind of intelligence that moves beyond books, beyond test scores, beneath impressive resumes. Emotional intelligence is often overlooked or discounted (see: how we disqualify it by calling it “emotional” intelligence. As if regular intelligence doesn’t automatically include emotion.)

3. We belong to another King and another Kingdom.

With the US Presidential election now behind us, I’ve done a fair amount of reflecting about power, control, justice, and our longing to belong. Maybe you’ve done this, too.

I keep coming back to Kingdom language, and not in a condescending, dismissive kind of way we can sometimes see on the Internet ie: God is on the throne! (Yes, God is on the throne but God wasn’t on the ballot. We had to make a choice.)

More, I’m considering all the ways throughout history that people have wanted the benefits of the Kingdom (belonging, security, value, shalom) without the presence of the King.

4. Honor > Shame.

An obvious statement, it would seem. But one I have to keep learning. This has been a season of a lot of sadness for me personally. I’ve been tempted to carry some shame about that but I keep coming back to the true reality that no one has ever been shamed into freedom.

I’m doing my own work to honor the space I need for reflection, prayer, and healing. If you’re carrying sadness this season, I hope you’ll learn to do the same. I’m practicing this posture of honoring God by honoring the way God has made me to be in the world.

This is not easy, but it feels right.

5. We really needed the Pearsons this Fall.

This Is Us is one of a very few shows our whole family watches together and you guys. We’ve never needed Jack, Rebecca, and The Big Three like we did this season. (Not to mention everyone’s favorite Beth and Randall.)

6. Our five senses have a lot to teach us.

In September I hosted a five week series on our five senses on The Next Right Thing Podcast and loved every minute of it. What a rich experience it was for me to pay attention to details that often go overlooked! If you missed it, here are all 5 episodes in one place:

• Start With Your Senses
• At Home (with Myquillyn Smith)
• When You’re Feeling Stuck
• When You’re Afraid
• Life With God

7. Growth happens outside your comfort zone.

This is not original to me, but it’s a phrase I keep repeating to myself this year. You might be nodding your head along with me, then I must be growing a LOT! When was the last time I was in my comfort zone?! I’ve been growing. And also grieving. You too?

8. Nail polish is for grown ups.

I’ve confessed before that I only wear black and white polish – usually white in summer, black in winter. The end. But during these quarantine times, I jumped on the Olive & June bandwagon just for kicks and found I enjoy the weekend routine of nail care. Who am I?! For me, the polish is great but I’m obsessed with the tools. Here’s a link to try them out! (That’s an affiliate link so I can get a free polish if you use it thank you for your service.)

This is what I know: Though the days of the old school blog link up are past, I still love having a community of people who value the art of reflection. Starting in January we’ll have a journal to use together (!!) but for now, I’d love to hear what you’re learning in the comments below or on Instagram using #wwlcommunity. I’m always glad you’re here.

For years I’ve been engaging in a practice of looking back before moving ahead. It started as a a post I shared at the end of every month and then transitioned to every season.

In the spirit of simplifying my online life, one change I’m making to this quarterly rhythm is I’m no longer going to be including the link up at the bottom of these posts.

I know there is a small community of you who still love to link your posts up and I have plans to find a more collaborative way for us to share what we’re learning in the months to come.

But in this time of transition, I still invite you to keep track of what you’re learning and share it in your own spaces as I trust you have done and will continue to do.

We are doing our best around here, setting the intention to engage inn reflection while also realizing we are all, in a way, relearning how to be people in the midst of countless transitions, questions, and reconsiderations.

Here are 10 things I’m learning in no particular order:

1. Guacamole is a magical food.

It’s just avacado, tomato, red onion, cilantro, kosher salt, pepper, and lime juice. Why then, pray-tell, when you put them all together do they create a combination of perfection? And why did it take me so long to start making it at home? We will never be the same again ever.

2. Mitchelville, SC housed the first self-governing community of freed slaves during the Civil War.

Months before Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation, this small area of Hilton Head Island was home to formerly enslaved people who created a thriving community together. They did so well that Harriet Tubman herself traveled there to learn how they might be able to duplicate these efforts in other communities.

According to this BBC article, “They were able to buy land, vote, farm for wages, and grow sweet potatoes and greens which provided vital supplements to their diets.There were elected officials, taxes, street cleaners, stores selling household goods, and crucially, compulsory education for children aged six to fifteen – the first law of its kind in South Carolina.”

This history is remarkable all by itself but even more? We’ve been visiting Hilton Head Island for over twenty years and I never knew this part of history.

My days of not knowing Black history are past and so while we were on the island in July, John and I drove up to learn what we could about these resilient people and their lives in Mitchelville on Hilton Head more than 150 years ago.

3. Not being racist is not the same as being anti-racist.

It’s been said a lot over the past three months, but there is a difference between being not racist and being anti-racist.

With gratitude to Dr. Lucretia Berry and her team at Brownicity, John and I are learning what that means specifically; for us, our family, and the way we move through the world. Black lives, families, hopes, history, and futures matter.

4. My first book got a new cover!

This isn’t so much something I learned as it is something that happened.

But two things I did learn is (1) when they recover an already existing book, you have to go through the cover process all over again. Which is kind of fun and also weird because you wrote that book 10 years ago. And (2) when you recover an existing book, all of the online retailers get extremely confused and the new cover version is hard to find.

But alas! Here she is.

5. “Supposed to be” no longer has any meaning.

“I was supposed to be in London right now . . . “

“We were supposed to be at a family reunion this weekend . . . “

“School was supposed to start last week . . . “

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in 2020 it’s that control is in fact exactly what they have always said: an illusion. To control, coerce, and manipulate is not our job (and if it was we’d be fired from it anyway.) Instead, we adapt, accept, acknowledge what we need to let go, and continue to do the next right thing.

6. The kingdom of God is most evident to me in the sacred overlap.

It’s that middle space where two separate circles come together. It’s the part they have in common, the middling part. J.R. Briggs wrote a book called The Sacred Overlap (I endorsed and recommend it!) and I found his words to be a ray of light in the midst of the heaviest fog.

When we’re afraid, either/or becomes our default mode as we seek to assuage the pain of uncertainty. Love is where we live between the extremes, not in the mushy middle.

J.R. Briggs, The Sacred Overlap

7. Things can change quickly.

In late March, I remember saying out loud to someone “I wonder if years from now we will be shopping for cute masks at real places like Anthropologie!”

That idea seemed so foreign and far away. And then April came. Normal can change to super weird fast. But that means it can also change again.

Things will not always be the way they are now. From pandemics that pass (history says so) to kindergartners who grow (history tells us this too) we are ever changing, growing, and learning.

8. When in doubt, love.

In the midst of the rioting, the anger, the injustice, and confusion of this summer, I read this post by my friend Kaitlin – and it reminded me of the power of love.

In the midst of my daily parenting, inability to answer my kids hard questions, and regular mess ups – I’m reminded of the power of love.

In the midst of not knowing what the next literal minute will hold and not knowing if we’re doing this whole thing right – I’m reminded of the power, the call, the invitation to love.

Power offers an easy substitute for the hard task of love. It seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life.

Henri Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus

9. Trader Joes chocolate croissants are the easiest way to have a fancy breakfast.

How to make them:

1. Buy them in a pack of four in the frozen section at Trader Joes.
2. Set them on a baking sheet the night before.
3. Go to bed.
4. Wake up.
5. Marvel at how big they got overnight.
6. Put them in the oven.
7. Take them out and impress your family.

10. Struggle reveals what is true.

He is the best man I know. During this time of quarantine, personal heartbreak, loss among those in our close community, and the struggles of daily life, John continues to be the one. I like him and I love him. He sees me and I’m grateful. I didn’t learn this for the first time this summer, but I’ve learned it in a new way.

This is what I know: Though the days of the old school blog link up are past, I still love having a community of people who value the art of reflection. I’m working on ways to make this practice a more communal one in the coming months, but for now, I’d love to hear what you’re learning in the comments below or on Instagram using #wwlcommunity. I’m always glad you’re here.

“When you sing your sad songs, I will learn the words and sing along.”

– Ellie Holcomb

There are a thousand things we should have learned in school but didn’t. Here I’ll name six:
⁠
1 – How to be a true leader⁠
⁠
2 – How to handle fame and attention⁠

Musicians, high school quarterbacks, pastors, award winners, public servants, politicians, teenagers on social media — so many in the spotlight don’t know how to deal.
⁠
3 – How to properly eat dessert

It’s with a fork, not a spoon. Do not come at me with “What about ice cream?!” Ice cream is fine. It’s the cakes, the pies, the brownie sundaes. Why are y’all using spoons for this? Don’t answer that.

4 – How to be anti-racist
⁠
5 – How to listen without an agenda⁠
⁠
6 – How to be a friend to someone who is suffering⁠
⁠
In Psalms of lament, at least four things are present in some form: a prayer crying out to God, an honest complaint, a request, and a vow of praise or confidence.⁠
⁠
Let’s don’t rush through the first part to get to the last. And by all means, never rush someone else through the first part, either.⁠
⁠
I have a lot to learn about healthy lament. So far, 2020 has been a relentless and dedicated teacher.

One thing I’m trying to do well is to listen when others sing their sad songs, to learn the words, and try to sing along.

Welcome to What We Learned, a quarterly practice where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. “It’s not the experience that brings transformation,”says author and teacher Jan Johnson, “it’s our reflection upon our experience.”

If that’s true (and I’m convinced it is) then it’s vital we establish intentional time to reflect on our lives. Reflection is part of my daily and weekly routine, but once a quarter I like to share some of my list and invite you to share yours. Note: Where books are shared, affiliate links are used.

I spent the first week of this season in California but every week after that, like many of you, has been spent under Stay-At-Home orders in North Carolina. Suffice it to say, these last three months will take some time to unpack. But partial reflection still counts so here are 10 things I learned this spring in no particular order:

1. Sidecar Doughnuts makes the best doughnut I have ever had.

On March 6, 2020 I was in Southern California on the last day of the last trip I took before the Stay-At-Home orders were in place and I tasted a Sidecar Doughnut for the first time. This pandemical situation has distracted me from this memory which I have now brought forth and is yet another reason why I’m so grateful for the spiritual discipline of reflection. Because behold:

Image from Sidecar Doughnuts & Coffee

This I think is the blueberry one but the one I had: You guys it was the Butter & Salt. A BUTTER AND SALT DOUGHNUT. How did they make two regular ingredients that we all have in our kitchens into a miracle food?

2. Starting again doesn’t have to mean starting over.

No matter how long you’ve been away, no matter how far it seems you’ve traveled from the routine or rhythm you once practiced, it’s always only one step back to find the life again. I’ve had to remind myself of this truth over and over again this spring.

3. Fifteen minutes of reading in the morning goes a long way.

This spring I’ve finished Will the Circle Be Unbroken? by Sean Dietrich, Searching For Certainty by Shelly Miller, and Life Without Lack by Dallas Willard — mostly by reading with a timer for just 15 minutes in the mornings.

4. I will never regret hanging the hammock chair.

It’s one of those things that looks really good in a magazine photo but when you get it in your house you realize you don’t know where to put a hammock chair, how to hang it, or what to do with your life. But then, when you have to stay home for two months straight, you figure it out. (And by “you” I mean “John” but you could, too. I believe in you.)

5. Working from home during a pandemic is not the same as working from home during not a pandemic.

Of course that seems obvious when you say it, but in practice I had an expectation of myself to thrive during these stay at home times because I know how to do this. But turns out, none of us knows how to do this. And that’s okay. I talked about this on my friend Laura Tremaine’s podcast (you can listen to that episode here).

6. Zoom is the worst but also the best.

One of my personal goals at the end of February was have less Zoom meetings. Funny, right? I’ve been learning how to lead a remote team for a few years now, but things seem to have ramped up over the last six months as our hope*writers team has doubled, then doubled again. Even though these one dimensional meetings take double the energy, I’m grateful we have a way to do business and life via the screen.

7. It’s rod iron fence, not rot iron fence EMILY.

Every now and then I’ll share about a word I learn I’ve been saying wrong for my whole life. Thank you, Shelly Miller, for writing this in your book for me to read and finally learn this one. Rot iron?! What does that even mean? [Edited to add: The people have spoken and I have heard from eleventy hundred people that the word is, in fact, wrought iron. And now my head has exploded the end.]

8. Having a good system is not equal to living a good life.

What was good for yesterday may not be good for today and blanket solutions aren’t always ideal. My next right thing may be different than my last right thing. This was a relief to talk myself through (you can listen in on that conversation here for twelve and a half minutes).

9. Together from a distance is better than apart.

My parents came on my birthday at the end of April and we hadn’t seen them in months. We kept a safe distance and that made it difficult and frustrating and sad. But it was better than being apart.

10. It will not always be this way.

I keep learning this over and over again, but this spring this statement has been both a comfort and a grief. We’re in the middle of a pandemic: it will not always be this way. My teenagers are home: it will not always be this way. I’m tired, a little lonely, and sad. It will not always be this way.

Now it’s your turn. What’s something you’ve learned this season?

If you prefer listening over reading, check out Episode 124: Reimagine Your Work of The Next Right Thing podcast. Or you can read below with links and photos added. If you want even more help to stay focused on your next right thing, I wrote a whole book about it!

You know how at the end of the year, those of us who are on Instagram share our top nine of the year? That’s the top nine photos that got the most likes all year. I’m here for all of it. I love seeing people’s top nines and I love discovering what my top nine are.

It’s fun and kind of fascinating to see what people liked, but in the spirit of doing what I want, I also like to post two versions of my top nine. The first version I follow the rules and then the second version I pick my own top nine: my favorite posts of the year.

In the world of podcasting, there isn’t really an equivalent of the Instagram top nine, but we can gauge, at least in part, which episodes are listener favorites by the number of downloads they receive.

Here are the most downloaded episodes of The Next Right Thing podcast:

• 01: Become a Soul Minimalist: This isn’t a huge surprise because it’s the very first episode. Because it’s been around the longest, a lot of listeners like to get a feel for a podcast by listening to how it starts.
• 88: Come Away For A While: This one is about the importance of sabbaticals and how we confuse them with other kinds of “rest.”
• 84: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Reflection: This one makes me eternally happy because making reflection lists is one of my most favorite things to do so talking with you about doing them is equally as satisfying.

I love all three of these episodes, but they’re not necessarily my favorites. One of my favorite episodes was Episode 73 about how I created theme days for my work and how they saved my life during some of the busiest years of my life.

The reasoning behind creating theme days in the first place a few years ago is because, like many of you, my work responsibilities don’t fall under the same umbrella. This is true for a lot of authors, people who work from home, or entrepreneurs who wear lots of different hats. That means when I sit down to work, there are many different types of tasks that I could tackle.

This could apply to you no matter what your job is, whether it’s paid work, ministry work, or running and managing your household.

As I tried to manage the ever-growing to-do lists that I had, switching between tasks for these different areas of my work got me nowhere. The to-do list was impossibly long, and I found that the options lead to discouragement and decision fatigue.

I tried to prioritize based on importance or urgency, but that never seemed to work because too many tasks felt equally important depending on the day, the weather, and my mood.

That’s when I started using theme days for my work. I divided up my week based on different themes or categories. At that time, my theme days were:

1. The Next Right Thing Podcast
2. hope*writers
3. Grad School reading + paper writing
4. General admin stuff
5. Meetings (online and in-person)

The decision to use theme days saved my life at the time. But now, life has changed.

Today, I’m revisiting that idea of theme days with a pandemical adjustment, or if you’re reading to this from the future and that global pandemic is just something only your parents talk about that happened way back in 2020, this still could be for you if you’re finding your life rhythm has changed drastically, but your work expectations have remained the same.

I’m so grateful that I have a job, and I’m grateful that it’s one I’ve always been able to do from home but things have not slowed down. If anything, they’ve ramped up.

How can we continue to do our work with some sanity when everything is different?

See if you can relate to this: My plan for today was to finish a new podcast episode by the end of the day. But instead by lunchtime, I’m a quarter of the way through 10 different tasks, moving each one an inch at a time, doing everything, getting nowhere.

I’m halfway through writing a caption for an Instagram post.

I’m in the middle of responding to three different Voxer conversations.

I have a book next to me that I just put down, and I only read one half of one chapter.

Just before I started to record the intro to the episode, I read a text from my sister with a link to a video that took me down a 10-minute rabbit hole.

Today, I’ve also Googled the phrases “storm damage in North Carolina,” “TV shows that had been canceled,” “Boris Johnson hospital,” and “Meghan Markle” because, of course, I did.

These things are not specific to the times right now, but they are evidence that I am even more easily distracted these days, and maybe you are too.

The bottom line?

I’ve discovered giving myself a theme for the whole day is just unrealistic for me right now. It’s too broad of a time limit without enough details.

At the end of the day, I feel like I did a lot of stuff but finished nothing.

I’ve come to accept that it isn’t only our plans for the future that needs some serious adjustment. It’s also our plans for today.

I’m still using the theme concept, and I might return to the old way of doing it at some point, but right now, instead of applying it to a workday, I’m applying it to a work session.

Some days I get to have several work sessions in maybe twenty, forty, or sixty-minute blocks. Other days there’s only one good one. Some days, there’s not a good one at all. But this can be especially helpful if you have a lot of people (big or small) living in your house.

Plus, it’s much easier to tell your family that you’re going to disappear for a sixty minute work session and then lock yourself in your bedroom than it is to say that you’re taking the day to work.

Whether I’m able to work all day or for only a portion of a part of a day, here are five things that are helping me right now.

1. Get clear on the task.

I’m not working on my website. I’m writing an About Page. I’m not reading email. I’m responding to five messages and clearing them out.

One of our decision-making practices that we talked about in episode 121 was that if you can’t put your decision into a clear sentence, then you won’t be able to make a clear decision. The sentence forces you to hold just one decision at a time. Nothing brings on frustration overwhelm more quickly than when you’re trying to decide two things at once. If you can’t state clearly what the decision is, then don’t try to make the decision until you can.

Well, the same goes for a work session.

Depending on your living situation, you may not get many of these during the week. So it’s important to be clear on the front end what you want to accomplish when you have a work session. If you can’t state what the task is when you sit down to work, chances are you’ll be more prone to distraction, and instead of sending those five emails, you’ll end up reading a lot about what Meghan Markle is up to these days.

2. Ready your workspace.

Whether you have an actual home office with a door, hallelujah. Or if your workspace is your kitchen table or your side of the bed, ready it by clearing and tending.

First, clear, clear off that workspace. That does not mean reorganize your desk, but if there’s a bunch of stuff on your desk, just put it on the floor. You can always place it back on your desk when your work session is over and nothing is lost. If you’re locked in your bedroom on your bed, make that bed. Clear the clutter that you can see. Face the window. Anything to just get rid of that visual clutter. That’s the clearing part.

Next, it helps me to tend the space. Before I sit down to do the task at hand, I light a candle, open the window above my desk or put on my writing playlist. This can be anything small that feels a little extra.

This week I ordered a new candle from Target. It’s blood orange if you must know, and when it came in the mail, it made me so happy because it’s just a little something to set the tone for my work session.

3. Apply a time limit.

This is just another way to say set a timer. The experts say that our brains can concentrate on one task for about 20 minutes before losing focus (Pomodoro Technique, anyone?) I don’t necessarily think there’s a rule on how long a work session can go, but I do think there’s something to that 20-25 minute space for us to be able to sit down, concentrate and then take a quick break. But the most important thing is that you pick a time and stick with it. I always just use the timer on my iPhone.

4. Carry only one task.

This is where I personally get into the most trouble which is why I’m making one point twice. The first point was: get clear on the task. That one refers to getting started. But once you’re started, you have to carry it through as though it’s just one single task.

Jason Fitzpatrick calls it single-tasking in a post for LifeHacker. Single-tasking is the “eat healthy and exercise of productivity.” It’s so obvious that it feels dumb to say it, but then I continue not to do it because it’s hard. Instead, I suffer from trying to make tiny progress on lots of things instead of lots of progress on one thing.

Carry only one task.

5. End the session well.

It’s hard for me to end, especially these days. It’s not that I’ll work all day long, it’s just that the work fizzles out at the end of the day when I get tired and there isn’t a clear end to work. The timer will help. Single-tasking will help. But ending well is still something I have to be really mindful of.

Even if the task isn’t finished or didn’t turn out exactly as I hoped, it’s important to end the session anyway. If I can start another one, I will, usually with a little bit of a break in between. But these days it’s easy to slip into always being attentive to the work but never making progress on the work. This just adds to the fog in the waiting room.

Honor your limits of which there may be many, and maybe that’s the most important part to remember. We’re not robots, and sometimes the best thing we can do for productivity is to extend grace for ourselves, our coworkers, our families, and our outcomes.

Fun fact: These tips spell out GRACE if you write them down:

G – Get clear on the task.
R – Ready your workspace.
A – Apply a time limit.
C – Carry only one task.
E – End that session well.

The days may be different now, but the work continues.

We need you to find a way to do your good work, so that we can be inspired, so that we can laugh, so that we can learn, remember, believe and link arms together.

And when a day goes seven kinds of sideways and you don’t get a single minute of real work done, there is grace enough for you to start again tomorrow.

The same way we’re parenting our children these days, telling them it’s going to be okay, we have to parent ourselves, too. And in that, we’re to be kind, extend grace, keep a light heart and hopeful posture as we continue to do just our next right thing in love.

“We do not have to be qualified to be whole or healed.”

– Madeleine L’Engle, Walking on Water

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This post is a modified version of Episode 119 of The Next Right Thing Podcast. I wrote this content just days before the a national emergency was declared in this country. While I don’t specifically address the near daily changes happening in our lives right now as a result of our efforts to slow the spread Covid-19, I hope this simple reminder is still a timely one as we are all practicing the posture of doing the next right thing.

I had a dream that I printed out a manuscript I was working on, and it fell from the printer like soup. So I grabbed a little bowl to catch it with, and I took a sip without thinking. And then I worried because I wasn’t sure which chapter I ate.

It was a dream, of course, but I still woke up feeling like I had done something wrong, like I was missing something important, but I didn’t know where to go to find it. A mentor told me once to pay attention to my dreams.

Every single element in our dreams don’t necessarily hold some kind of hidden meaning, but the emotion that lingers when we wake up, well, that can be an important source of information.

A thing may not have happened, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.

It’s hard to imagine now, but just a few weeks ago I was on a cross country flight and watched the movie version of a book that I’d read a few years back. I enjoyed the movie mainly because I had already forgotten a lot of the details from the book.

Readers can be hard to please at movie theaters. When we read a book, our imagination is limitless. If the author doesn’t give details, we just fill them in ourselves. Our imaginations are powerful. But the filmmakers have so many limitations with time, money, and technology, as well as their own interpretation of the author’s intent. They have to make choices that decide for us the color of a dress or the layout of the room. Inevitably they’ll get something “wrong.”

Our ability to imagine what someone else is imagining is the outer limit of our own imagination. In other words, I cannot put myself in your head. I’m stuck inside my own. I don’t know what you’re thinking unless you tell me. And even then, I only hear it through the filter of my own experience. That’s true between you and me, and it’s true between us and our children.

So when my daughter was in elementary school and told me she was afraid of what her friends would think of her new haircut, I dismissed her imagination too soon. “Oh, they’re going to love it,” I said. They probably would, that’s true.

But they may not love it. So what then?

The picture she was holding onto in her mind wasn’t necessarily an unreasonable one. She was lost in her own imaginary world, seeing her friends laughing and pointing and offering only heavy rejection. In her head, it hurt even though it hadn’t happened yet, even though it probably wouldn’t happen at all. But I’m no help to her when I say, “That won’t happen. Don’t worry about it.”

I’m learning to practice expanding my own imaginary world to include the imagination of my children.

I started to learn this back when they were a little bit younger, but I’m finding it still applies even as they grow. The goal is to enter into that painful place with her, to walk alongside her into the dark alley of her mind, and to confront the fear lurking in pretend corners. The goal is not to tell her there’s nothing to fear but to give her the tools to handle what might come next. This is an important practice in all aspects of parenting, but especially when it comes to helping our kids make decisions.

The next time your child comes to you with a particular fear, a potential uncomfortable outcome, or help for making a decision, rather than launching immediately into lecture, fix or tell mode, here are four things you can do to help your child begin to develop their own habit of soulful decision-making.

1. Ask at least two questions.

When someone listens to us it feels like the opposite of loneliness. Part of the fear of negative outcomes our kids have is they’re afraid of the burden of being alone in the rejection, alone in that new adventure, or alone as they navigate an unknown future.

If your child is stuck in fear or doesn’t know what to do next, pause and ask a question. Not a leading question, or a statement disguised as a question. But a true curious question that seeks to know and understand.

Episode 94 of The Next Right Thing is all about the importance of asking the second question which can be especially important for children. I know as the parents or caregivers it may seem like we’re supposed to have all the answers so our first instinct is not to ask but to tell. But if your child is struggling with a fear or frustration or a decision, before you tell them anything, try asking them a question.

And then challenge yourself to ask at least one more question. Look for the clues to her hesitation. Find out the images she’s holding onto. Follow the trail to her heart.

2. Kneel to understand their world before asking them to rise to understand yours.

Years ago, I read a book by Wess Stafford that forever changed how I see children. The book is called Too Small to Ignore, and in it, Wess says this, he writes, “So far as we see in reading the gospels, Jesus never admonished children to become more grown up. He did, however, exhort grownups to become more like children.”

What does it mean to be like little children? The best way to know is to ask the children themselves.

What imaginary outcomes might they be anticipating?

What is he afraid will happen?

What sounds fun?

What sounds scary?

What clues will she offer you about the shape of her soul?

Kneel to understand their world before asking them to rise to understand yours.

3. Offer next-right-thing solutions.

If your son needs to decide between taking an art class or taking a music class in third grade, keep the third-grade perspective. What matters in third grade? Learning, yes, but also friends, predictability, safety, curiosity, fun. Resist the urge to insist a third-grade decision have high school consequences. Let it be a third-grade decision.

At the same time, when offering a next-right-thing solution, keep in mind that third grade is the oldest your child has ever been. In fact, no matter the age of your child, the age he where she is now is their oldest one. No matter if she’s three, or ten or sixteen. That’s why they always feel like they’re so grown up. It’s because they are.

To your child, this is the biggest and potentially most consequential decision she’s yet had to make. So resist the urge to downplay it just because it’s only third grade after all.

As the parents, we get to help shape these moments for our kids both by respecting them for what they are and by not making them something they’re not. And if a child has no idea what she wants to do or feels overwhelmed with the decision, maybe take what you’ve learned and ask her what is just the next right thing she can do today.

It might be go for a bike ride or eat a snack. Do her homework or play in her room. Keep her in the moment as much as you can and do your best to stay there with her.

4. Remember your job.

There’s a difference between God’s job and our job.

“God’s job is to fix and to change. Our job is to depend, serve and equip. This is the work of grace and it is more restful than you can imagine.” — Jeff Vanvonderen, Families Where Grace is in Place,

I wonder what would happen if we would dare to parent from a place of love rather than from a place of fear. While I know a little bit about what it could look like, I want to know even more.

I need God in all of this. Not just to do the parts that I’m not good at, not just to pick me up when I begin to feel weak, but I need the kind of God who takes up residence inside me to parent with me, in me, as me, as I trust him. Good thing that’s the kind of God he is.

So that haircut conversation might sound to my grownup mind like it is small and unimportant, but when you’re in third grade, that is your whole world. And actually, now that I think about it, I’ve had some pretty important haircut conversations in my adult world too.

I want to be willing to walk into the imagination of my child and face her biggest fears with her. And I know our friend Jesus is willing to walk into my imagination with me and face my fears with me, too.

He doesn’t dismiss me and say, “That’s never going to happen.” He says he will be with me even if it does happen.

The town in my head has beautiful potential, but it also has long, dark alleyways of fear and uncertainty. I don’t want to live in that town, but I also can’t ignore it.

God wants to give me a holy imagination to restore the twisted thoughts into straight lines again, to reclaim the corrupt government that rules in my head, to recover the barren wasteland of my battered emotion, to repossess the rundown streets I have forgotten to enjoy.

In him, all things hold together. In him, the town in my head can be redeemed.

If God did not value the power of our imagination, how could he ask us to believe in a God we cannot see?

How could Noah build an ark when there had never been rain?

How could Moses lead the people toward a land he’d never visited?

How could Mary believe the baby savior would come from her virgin body?

What was she treasuring up in her heart if not the image of the not yet born God born first in the heart of her imagination?

I’m learning slow, the power of inviting God into my imagination, and I want to be a parent who enters into the imagination of my kids. In turn, as we continue to learn together what it means to simply do our next right thing in love.

“The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off, but Jesus was irate and let them know it. Don’t push these children away. Don’t ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom.

Mark this, unless you accept God’s kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you’ll never get in. Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them.”

Mark 10:15-16, The Message

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