These lightly sweetened and spiced, crunchy oat nuggets will rock your mouth.

Granola Clusters

Time 2 days, 30 minutes active.

Ingredients:
4 oz (1 stick) butter
4 oz unrefined coconut oil
1/4 cup maple syrup (grade B)
1/4 honey
2 teaspoons freshly ground cardamom seeds
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
6 cups rolled oats
2 cups European style whole yogurt

Day One:
In a small saucepan melt the butter and coconut oil, add the maple syrup and honey, whisk to combine and bring to a simmer, add the cardamom, ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt, whisk to combine.  Remove from heat.

Place the oats in a medium mixing bowl and stir them as you pour the warmed butter (etc) over the oats, get all of the oats coated then stir again while adding the yogurt, cover bowl with plastic wrap and allow to sit at room temperature for 24 hours.

Day Two:
Line a half sheet pan (13″x18″) with parchment paper and spread oat mixture evenly in the pan.

Set your oven to its lowest temperature warm, or 125F, if you have a convection fan, turn it on.  Place the granola in the oven and leave for 24 hours.

This is a 2 day process and requires an oven that can be kept warm, or a food dehydrator.

A note before we begin: What this tribute is not — it is not a full career retrospective; the early years of the girlish teenage ingénue and the arm accessory she was treated as — those have been covered to death and burned to ash — the phoenix that came out of those flames is what this tribute is about — that Marianne — the one who rose from the flames a woman, a survivor, a legend in the making.

Marianne Faithfull has been a force in my life for four decades, her music framing the eras of my life, both the good and the bad. We had commonalities: addiction, recovery, relapse, recovery, reinvention, some rough transitions, but also many good years. Throughout my adult life she has been there in the moments raw, real, and visceral. I knew she had been aging and in poor health for years. She survived COVID and lived with multiple age and smoking-related conditions, but none of that knowledge prepared me for the moment I learned she was gone.

A year ago today the world lost one of its great and singular voices — the revered icon Marianne Faithfull passed away on January 30th, 2025. When the news broke, I lost my shit in a way far beyond any other celebrity death; I broke down sobbing heavily and harder than the combined losses of Bowie, Carrie Fisher, and George Michael (2016 was a celebrity massacre). Even now, a year later, I still don’t fully understand why this loss struck so deeply. I’d loved her since my early twenties but never thought of myself as a hardcore fan. There were several album releases I’d missed entirely, a few I didn’t ‘get’ at the time but there were jewels I adored, and I longed to see her perform live, and never got the chance. Perhaps that’s part of it, the grief of a door closing. 

I first saw the news on Facebook. First it was a photo of Marianne and Debbie Harry together posted by Blondie’s official page, but there wasn’t any context with the photo. A couple hours later I saw a post from Sunscreem on their official page lamenting the loss; they had a special connection to Marianne’s music having covered Broken English on their first album O3 and scoring one of their biggest hits in the UK with it, a version Marianne called “Interesting.” And in that moment, something in me broke. I let out a long, involuntary “Nooooooooooooooo!” and collapsed into heaving sobs, rivers of tears, and a sense of loss that felt deeper than I could understand.

And then the grief turned into a kind of devotion. I started listening to everything Marianne had ever recorded. I found the albums I’d missed, rediscovered the ones I hadn’t understood, and suddenly I got them, and deeply so. Before the Poison and Negative Capability are now among my favorite albums of all time, but it hasn’t stopped. I listened to Marianne almost exclusively for 10 months. The only other artist I listened to during that time was occasionally putting on an ANOHNI playlist I like to fall asleep to. When the surprise posthumous EP Burning Moonlight arrived in April 2025, it was added to the repeat list on my daily listening, with four tracks, two new songs Burning Moonlight and Love Is (written and performed with her grandchildren, the musicians Oscar Dunbar on backing vocals and guitar, and Eliza Dunbar on violin). One re-recording of She Moved Thru’ the Fair and one she’d always wanted to do, Three Kinsmen Bold. Recorded in 2024, less than a year before her passing, she still sounds unmistakably herself — fierce, tender, and utterly present. 

Her interpretations alone could define a career. She had a way of inhabiting a song so completely that it became hers, even when the writing wasn’t. Her version of Jimi Hendrix’s Drifting, on Vagabond Ways, is a perfect example — she doesn’t cover it, she claims it. Few people could cover Leonard Cohen’s Tower of Song and pull it off, but Marianne did, on the same album as the Hendrix track. Speaking of Cohen, Marianne also covered Going Home, which changes it from Leonard speaking of himself in the third person to a conversation between two artists who have seen and heard it all. When it came to Weill’s Seven Deadly Sins, a ballet-chanté, Marianne wasn’t just playing a role, she had literally lived every movement of that work, and she brought it to life with the gravitas it deserved.

And then there are her own songs — numerous, piercing, and often overlooked. Across her albums she wrote or co-wrote so many lyrics, shaping the emotional architecture of her records. They Come at Night, her tribute to the victims and survivors of the Bataclan attack, is both beautiful and brutal, a furious indictment of cowardice and a lament for a world where “There’s no brave England, no brave Russia, no America.” No Moon in Paris is lonely, intimate, and devastating in its simplicity. That’s another place where Marianne shined; simplicity, plainly spoken or sung in a way that was clearly defined and absolutely stunning in its poetic beauty. The Stars Line Up is one such song, but there are many others as well.

Her long fight to reclaim credit for Sister Morphine, first released by the Rolling Stones, is a testament to her tenacity. She wrote that motherfucker, and she refused to be erased. She wasn’t going down without a fight. And, eventually, she won. Marianne’s tenacity was a lifelong trait. In April 2020 she caught a nearly fatal case of COVID that became Long COVID and while still recovering finished the recording of She Walks in Beauty (a spoken word album of her reading some of her favorite poetry set to original music). During the recording sessions Marianne was using oxygen canisters between takes due to being so short on breath. This leads us to the legends she worked with, on She Walks in Beauty alone she worked with Warren Ellis who composed the music and produced it, Nick Cave on piano, Brian Eno on “sound textures” and synthesizers, Renowned French cellist Vincent Ségal on cello, and Head on production and engineering.

Over her career she worked with many more legends and together they made much beautiful music. Her works with longtime songwriting partner Barry Reynolds, the artists Beck, Dave Stewart, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Angelo Badalamenti, and PJ Harvey, stand out and shine brightly. Her duet with David Bowie covering Sonny and Cher’s I Got You Babe is some prime comedic gold, hunt down the video on YouTube, it’s well worth the watch. They were both completely higher than fucking satellites, but still holding it together just enough to perform, and they both kept giving these shit-eating grins like they were about to break character and burst into laughter at the absurdity of it all – I’m intentionally not saying anything about the costumes because you just have to see it.

Marianne wasn’t just a singer — she had a lengthy acting career too, appearing on stage, in films, and on television, and she wasn’t always just some guest star appearing as herself, she had serious acting roles, and serious acting skills! Her role in Irina Palm, where she is the lead actor, is a stunning performance, understated and masterful. An ordinary suburban British grandmother turned sex worker to pay for her grandson’s medical care, the story is both heavy and funny, and she handled it with dignity and humor. Her small role in Sofia Coppola’s take on Marie Antoinette was well performed but minimal; she did, however, look positively regal in the period costume and wig, like she would have fit right in at the Royal Court in pre-revolution France.

She also played God on Absolutely Fabulous and was absolutely perfect. Delivering lines with a cigarette in hand, she radiated the kind of divine mischief only Marianne could embody; while being flanked by an angel rocking out with a guitar, played by Marcella Detroit (of Shakespears Sister, and Eric Clapton Band fame, which was another bit of perfect casting and pairing, if you know her voice & guitar work, you know why she was perfect for a rocking angel). All this is to say Marianne treated her acting roles like her songs, she didn’t perform them, she inhabited them, she became the song, the character, and the book. She was simply a masterful artist.

And just this week the documentary Broken English had its premiere at the Sundance Film Festival. I look forward to seeing it, by all accounts it is a unique documentary with Marianne being interviewed by the Ministry of Not Forgetting, there are also new music, clips, interviews and performances.

Her books the autobiography Faithfull, the memoir Memories, Dreams and Reflections, and the coffee table book of photos with handwritten notes A Life On Record (which, sadly, I’ve only seen glimpses of due to its hefty price), give an insight to her life, her upbringing, the fame, the drugs, homelessness, recovery, reinvention, her home in Paris, the life she led all written with her wit and charm. Her song, Sliding Through Life on Charm, yeah, she had that ability, but as she says in a one-word line of the song “Never!” Marianne worked her ass off to get where she was, where she deserved to be, a survivor, a legend, and revered icon of Rock and Roll. 

She was a woman in the man’s world of the early years of rock — a teenager thrust into a spotlight she didn’t seek, who went through hell and back and emerged a battle‑worn, weary soldier. She persisted against the odds, reinvented herself, and relaunched a career that allowed her to do it her way, all the way to the end. She may not have sought the spotlight, but once she was in it, she outshone it. And in the process she became a legend, one of the most important artists of the 20th century and into the 21st, where she remains relevant and influential.

I’ve begun to understand the depth of my grieving as I’ve watched, listened to, and read Marianne’s works over the last year and the depth of my love for the amazing talent that was Marianne Faithfull has only grown deeper. The world lost a legend a year ago, and the world — and I — will never be the same. 

But I’m thankful. I have sixty years of recordings to console me, numerous films (The Girl on a Motorcycle is up next), and TV appearances to try and hunt down, many live recordings and concert films. There will never be another like her; a true chameleon in a world of musical clones, reinventing herself again and again — Folk, Pop, New Wave, Punk, Alt Rock, Country, Electronica, Chanson, some backing ‘La, La, La’s’ for Metallica and that cinematic side-step with Badalamenti. Her voice, sometimes gentle, sometimes raging, whiskey soaked, weathered and wise, carried every era of her life inside it.

As I wrote this, I listened to a number of her albums: Before the Poison, Broken English, Negative Capability and Vagabond Ways were the most frequent with Horses and High Heels, Give My Love to London, Burning Moonlight, and Kissin’ Time also getting some attention. When reading her autobiography and memoir, her music from each era has played along as I read. I’m still listening to her works every day, but I’ve started to listen to other voices again as well.

Thank you for the music, Marianne. I love you. I adore you. And I will be forever grateful for every song, every word, every appearance you left behind.

To my fellow Marianne fans, I leave you with a quote not from Marianne but from Leonard Cohen, “Oh so long, Marianne, it’s time that we began to laugh and cry and cry and laugh about it all again.” Let the tears flow on this day and tomorrow let us laugh with joy at all that she left for us, so many songs, so many words, but only one Marianne Faithfull.

Peace be with you,
Chaz Barrett French 

Author’s Note: This is the first piece of writing I’ve published under my lived name rather than the name I was given; the same name as my “father.” Designated as a “Junior” and called that, the name was thrust upon me. This is the name I have chosen to honor those who made a difference in my life, directly (Chaz, what my mother’s partner called me); and indirectly (Barrett after my grandfather, a WWII hero), rather than the name of the man who abused me and my family. This is the name that is about to become my legal name, and it feels right that it goes with this piece about an artist who lived as her true self, as I am doing now.

5th metatarsal Add new tag Art asshattery Baking bbq Beef. Mashed Potato Beer beets blondie Braise Bread Breakfast Broken foot Broth brown butter brownie Bruges buttercream Cabot Coop Cabot Creamery cake carrot Catacombs Catch Up Cathy chambord change Cheddar cheesecake chicken Chilis Chipotle chocolate Chris Cointreau cookies Cooking Cooking for kids cost savings crackers Cranberries cream cheese cream sauce creamsicle Cunts Dance Dehydrating dessert Desserts dirt Disasters disrepair don't eat that dough Eggplant eggs Europe 2008 eww Facebook FAIL Fashion Florida FML Food food porn friends frittata frosting fun. German tourists glaze Gluten Free gorgonzola Granola Great Customer Service hard boiled eggs Healthy hearty Herbs de Provence homemade pasta honey hotels how to journey kale lamb mango mexican food NYC orange Oxtail Paris pasta Recipes savory school thoughts Truffle Oil vanilla

This isn’t just a joke, this is reality, this is what happened, David Bowie was a Cultural Cross-Generational Constant and his death caused a shift in the time line, this was no ordinary death David Bowie was the fabric of the Universe itself and his passing was no less than a Universe wide China Syndrome Event. A complete meltdown of the cosmic structure and dismantling of the boundaries of the Multiverse, since then there has been nonstop political upheaval, ecological degradation, and a sense of something that has shifted, and not for the better. We are living with the result of a Universe without Bowie, and we may never recover.

This coming year is bringing even more change, I’m changing my legal name to reflect the man I am, not the one I am named after. Chaz is becoming my legal first name to honor the man who called me by that name and played a critical role in repairing my relationship with my mother when I came out. A new middle name to honor my grandfather a WW2 hero, and keeping my last name to also honor my grandfather, no more first and middle names that never suited me and saying fuck off, to the fucking “Jr” at the end of my name, I am, at long last, making this change to reflect the real me, the man I grew to be, respecting those who earned my respect, and disclaiming those who did nothing to earn respect, love, or even consideration as anything other than a sperm donor.

What’s coming up here, new recipes, one for the most decadent brownie you will ever have the pleasure of putting in your mouth, and then more of a focus on healthier foods than comfort foods, lots of vegetables and grains, some surprising takes on classics, and stories, more of the stories I have to tell from my lived experiences, reflections on mortality, and poetry. the recently posted Two Chaz Frenches Problem a satirical take down of an insulting offer for my domain name, written in a style that is a direct homage to the novel The Three Body Problem it presents the situation in the form of a scientific paper, in a humourous way. There’s an anniversary coming up that I’m currently writing about and will post on January 30th to honor a legendary icon. There will also be posts about gardening, my thumb is as green as a forest of cannabis, in the same way my wit is razor sharp like a Kobayashi Dojo Blue Steel Blade, and my natural ability to cook and bake, all of these come from an innate ability to create, and the desire to explore, discover, learn, and a deep need for constant reinvention of the self. In other words, I am back, baby!

Happy fuckin’ Holidays and here’s to 2026, bitches!

Abstract

In 19XX–20XX (exact date unknown due to temporal drift), the universe experienced a catastrophic clerical malfunction resulting in the spontaneous generation of two distinct yet entangled entities named “Chaz French.” This paper examines the resulting sociocultural turbulence, digital territorial disputes, and the catastrophically insulting offer of $750 USD delivered via Instagram DM by representatives of Chaz‑Prime (Rapper Variant).¹

We conclude that the Two‑Chaz System is inherently unstable, prone to algorithmic confusion, and likely to collapse into absurdity unless the rightful steward of the identity — Chaz‑Alpha — is compensated at a level commensurate with the value of his digital presence, historical precedence, and existential inconvenience.

Current valuation for transfer of the domain, handles, and associated identity markers is set at mid six figures. Anything less is considered scientifically unserious and cosmologically disrespectful.²

_{¹ The offer’s magnitude suggests the management team may have confused “domain acquisition” with “finding loose change under a couch cushion.”
² Anything below six figures is considered a violation of the Doctrine of Don’t Play Yourself v. Reality (1998).}

1. Introduction: The Chaz Bifurcation Event

The Chaz Bifurcation Event (CBE) occurred when the universe, in a moment of cosmic negligence, duplicated a single identity into two divergent timelines:

• Chaz‑Alpha: Chef, writer, gardener, kink‑community safety marshal, emotional archivist, and long‑term steward of the domain www.chazfrench.com and chazfren.ch.³
• Chaz‑Prime: Rapper, performer, and individual with a management team who believes $750 is a reasonable offer for a man’s entire digital existence.⁴

The duplication appears to have been accidental, possibly triggered by:

• a solar flare
• a misfiled cosmic form
• a bored archangel
• or the universe hitting Ctrl+C instead of Ctrl+S

Further research is ongoing.

_{³ The Swiss Domain Gambit is recognized as a masterstroke in multiversal identity warfare. ⁴ Bless their hearts.}

2. Observed Instabilities in a Two‑Chaz System

2.1 Algorithmic Confusion

Search engines exhibit symptoms of:

• identity vertigo
• semantic nausea
• and occasional existential dread

Spotify, Google, and Instagram have all reported “feeling weird about it.”

2.2 Sociocultural Turbulence

Casual observers frequently ask:

• “Wait, you rap now.”
• “Did you write this recipe and drop this mixtape.”
• “Why are there two of you.”

These questions destabilize the local reality field.

2.3 The $750 Incident

In Year X of the CBE timeline, Chaz‑Prime’s representatives contacted Chaz‑Alpha via Instagram DM with the following proposal:

“We’d like to buy your domain. We can offer $750.”

This triggered a measurable spike in:

• cosmic laughter
• profanity emissions
• incredulous choking noises
• and a brief rupture in the dignity continuum

The offer was rejected on the grounds that it was:

• insulting
• unserious
• financially equivalent to a haunted Craigslist sofa
• and five orders of magnitude below the current valuation⁵
  _{⁵ The experiment in testing Chaz‑Alpha’s restraint failed.}

3. Theoretical Models of Chaz‑Duality

3.1 The Mirror‑World Hypothesis

Suggests that the universe attempted to create a single Chaz French but accidentally produced:

• one who writes about zinnias, grief, and tomato sauce
• one who writes bars

Both are valid. Neither can be deleted.

3.2 The Identity‑Conservation Principle

States that the domain www.chazfrench.com must remain with the Chaz who:

• hand‑coded HTML in Notepad
• survived LiveJournal
• baked sunflower butter cookies
• and cried over Marianne Faithfull

This is considered a fundamental law of physics.

3.3 The Lowball‑Offer Paradox

Why would a management team offer $750 for a man’s entire name?

Possible explanations:

• they misread the number of zeros
• they thought identity was on clearance
• they were drunk
• they were twelve
• they believed the multiverse was having a yard sale⁶

Further study required.

_{⁶ This hypothesis is supported by the numerical proximity of $750 to the average contents of a laundromat coin tray.}

4. Market Forces in Multiversal Identity Economics

4.1 Scarcity Principle

There is only one original Chaz French. This alone increases valuation.

4.2 Historical Precedence

Chaz‑Alpha has:

• decades of digital presence
• a full creative archive
• a culinary and literary footprint
• and a name that predates the rapper’s career

This establishes seniority and therefore premium pricing.

4.3 Emotional Labor Surcharge

Includes:

• years of explaining “No, I’m not the rapper”
• algorithmic misidentification
• and the psychic toll of being lowballed

This surcharge alone accounts for at least two additional zeros.⁷

_{⁷ Emotional labor is not free, especially when inflicted by DMs.}

4.4 The Swiss Domain Gambit

The acquisition of chazfren.ch represents a strategic escalation in identity stabilization, effectively collapsing the Lowball‑Offer Paradox into a singularity of comedic superiority.⁸

_{⁸ This maneuver requires sunglasses due to the glare of its brilliance.}

5. Conclusion

The Two‑Chaz System is stable only under the following conditions:

1. Chaz‑Alpha retains the domain unless compensated at mid‑six‑figure levels.
2. Chaz‑Prime refrains from sending financially insulting DMs.
3. The universe stops duplicating people without supervision.

Until then, the multiverse must simply accept that there are two Chaz Frenches, and only one of them knows how to make a tomato sauce so good it resurrected his will to cook.

But now, thanks to an accident while on vacation, I’m being forced to rest, stay off my feet, and go very slowly. I’m able to work, but even that is much slower than usual.

I broke my right 5th metatarsal and it required surgery.

I’m hoping to find the head space to do some writing while I’m recuperating, but not while I’m still needing large amounts of painkillers.

C’est la vie.

– Happens here and there.

Cooking, not writing, but taking notes.  Busy being busy, stay tuned, the search for balance continues….

Every now and then even the most experienced cooks and bakers fail.

This was one of those times.

“What the hell is THAT!?” you say…
That was a cheesecake failure, and while there was no dessert that day, the occasional failure keeps me humble.  This cheesecake has been dubbed “The Turd Cheesecake”  it wasn’t supposed to come out like that, I assure you.  So what happened?  Well, I was experimenting with flavors, and wanted to make a passion fruit cheesecake with some blackcurrant swirls, for the base I was going to use Stella D’oro ‘Margarite’ cookies, but the store was out of them, in their place I opted for some lady fingers that I’d not used before, these ones had a fine sugar coating on them, and that’s what caused the problem.  During baking the cookies should have absorbed some of the batter and made a nice base, not too hard, not too soft.  The sugar coating prevented that absorption, and during the course of baking they floated to the top, where they caramelized, thus giving us the look of floating turds on top of a cheesecake.    I learned to a) not use strange cookies and go to another store. b) sugar coated cookies don’t work.

There you have it, the epic baking fail.

Absentia, Memoria, Florida Part Two: Memoria/Birthday

I’m going to start by saying very few people knew it was my birthday, and I kinda wanted it to stay that way, but word got out.  When you have the same birthday as the Guru you get overshadowed, and that’s okay. Add memorial service for the Guru, on the mutual birthday and I wasn’t expecting anyone to have anything else on their minds, but people went out of their way to make sure my birthday was noted with some happiness, and while I generally prefer not getting public attention, it made the day easier for me emotionally.  I was actually doing really well until I met up with Kristen (aka LA Laxsmi); we hugged and I lost it entirely.  A good decade of emotion came over me and I was a blubbering mess.

Then there was the memorial…

I could….

•  talk about the 700-900 people who came from all over to be there
•  type out the list of people who spoke
•  try to convey some of what they said about Ma Jaya
•  tell you it was beautiful and gorgeous and everything she would have wanted
•  talk about how beautiful the kirtan wallas were, or the featured singers who sang so beautifully for their Ma.

I can never convey what it meant to actually be there with so many people I love, celebrating the life of a woman who changed every one of our lives and thousands of others.  So I’m not going to try.  It was beautiful and deeply moving and we all walked away in tears with a renewed commitment to carrying on her works.

At the end of the ceremony her ashes were poured into the pond, the Ganga.  Kashi Ashram’s place where our dead our placed and mourned and celebrated.  The next morning, many of us went swimming in that pond, life goes on….

As there are more and more nut allergies (or perceived to be) these days, I decided to play with a classic peanut butter cookie recipe and swap the peanut for sunflower, and then add a little something in the form of ground cranberries.  They add a subtle note to the cookie.  The recipe requires a food processor to grind the cranberries with the flour, if you don’t have a food processor, you could use chopped or whole cranberries, they just won’t be as subtle.

Sunflower Butter Cookies with Cranberries

Time: 2 hours 40 minutes, (40 Active)         Yield Approx. 8 dozen (96)

1 1/4 cup whole wheat pastry flour (AP is okay)
1 1/4 cup  unbleached pastry flour (AP is okay)
8 ounces dried cranberries
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
8 ounces (2 sticks) of butter, softened
1 cup sugar (cane, palm, or raw)
1 cup dark brown sugar, packed
1 cup creamy sunflower butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs, beaten
1/3 cup sunflower seeds

Method:
Place the flours and cranberries in a food processor and process for about 2 minutes, until the cranberries are in very small pieces and the flour resembles a pink crumble. Add the salt, baking powder  and soda, then pulse a few times to combine, set aside.

Cream butter and sugars until light and fluffy, add the sunflower butter, vanilla, and beaten eggs and mix until fully incorporated.  Add flour mixture and mix until combined.  Cover with plastic film and chill for at least 2 hours.

Preheat oven to 375F  Line half sheet pans with parchment paper or a silpat. Roll pieces of cookie dough into 1 inch balls (or thereabouts) dip into sunflower seeds and place on sheet pan, when you have a pan done use a fork to flatten them, a bit.  Bake for 8-10 minutes until set and light to medium brown.

Slide parchment onto a cookie rack and allow to cool completely to set. (They’re awesome while warm, but soft and often fall apart).

Note: If you’re baking the cookies in batches keep the dough chilled in-between.