Changing Aging: Most Recent Articles

Celebrating Graduation at Any Age

Wed, 15 May 2013 09:57:00 -0500

College graduates around the country are celebrating this May.

Doris at Ecumen of Litchfield in Litchfield, Minn., is no exception. She turns 90 years old and receives her Bachelor of Arts Degree Honoris Causa from Augustana College in Sioux Falls, S.D. this month.

Congratulations, Doris!

Ecumen Leader Kathryn Roberts Honored by Minnesota State University Mankato

Thu, 02 May 2013 10:49:00 -0500

Congratulations to Ecumen President and CEO Kathryn Roberts who was recently honored by Minnesota State University Mankato with its 2013 Distinguished Alumni Achievement Award. The award is presented to graduates who have achieved high rank or honor in their professions, have a widespread effect on their communities, and are recognized for their achievements over the course of their careers. Kathryn earned a Masters Degree in Continuing Studies from the school. And we feel very fortunate to have her as Ecumen's leader in the work of changing aging.

Ecumen Opens New Senior Community in Omaha

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 10:27:00 -0500

Ecumen recently opened a new senior living community in Omaha, Neb., that it developed with owner Esprit Memory Care. Read the complete article on our Senior Housing Development blog.

The Innovator's Dilemma Sure Isn't Aging

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 09:58:00 -0500

Most of the country's entrepreneurs and innovators are older, which challenges a significant U.S. stereotype. Read more in our new blog post at the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

An Ecumen Adventure with Governor Al Quie: Taking the Reins of "Rambler" and Aging

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 15:16:00 -0500

I recently had the honor to ride horses with former Minnesota Governor Al Quie. He shared with me some fantastic horsemanship and how aging has become another adventure in his life. I love what he says about learning. Learn more from Governor Quie in our Changing Aging YouTube video.

By his estimation, Governor Quie, the 35th Governor of Minnesota, has taken the reins of a horse approximately 13,104 times in his 89 years. Governor Quie began riding at age 3. His first memory is of his father lifting him up to sit on his Morgan mare’s back. He recalls the warmth of the horse’s neck on his fingers. He also remembers unhitching and walking a team of horses into the barn while his father watched. By the time he was 8 years old, Governor Quie had a pony of his own. Throughout his life – working as a senator, a State Representative, the Governor of Minnesota and a Congressman in the 85th-95th Congresses – Governor Quie has made time to ride horses about three days a week.

In addition to his love of horses, he’s still very involved in his love of Minnesota public policy. He recently led what has become known in our state as The Quie Commission, a citizen’s commission, focused upon gaining bi-partisan support for taking the politics out of Minnesota judicial elections. The goal is to avoid expensive, often brutal, campaigns, and offer voters better information. The core of the Quie Commission’s recommendations is the creation of "retention elections." Under the proposal, governors would appoint judges, and their performance would be reviewed by an independent merit selection commission. Based on the panel's finding, voters would decide whether to keep or oust the judge. Minnesotans of all political perspectives are joining Governor Quie in this effort through the Coalition for Impartial Justice.

The morning I spent with Governor Quie, he rode a beautiful young gelding named, “Rambler”. As I borrowed a horse from his barn, and rode with Governor Quie, I saw how his political negotiating skill ties to his horse handling. Governor Quie is a “horse whisperer”. Many of the horses he’s owned or trained have come from friends and acquaintances, which after struggling to train the horses themselves, are told “The only person I know who can train a horse like that is Al Quie”. A friend came to him and asked if he’d train Rambler while he was out of the country. Governor Quie hesitated. He was 88 years old. Did he really want to risk his wellbeing for this horse? Governor Quie found he couldn’t resist the challenge.

Over the last year, the Governor has taken Rambler from being a horse that refused to move to one that confidently walks, trots and canters through the arena. Governor Quie likes to train the horses to move off of his body’s cues. The horse’s movements are almost imperceptible. It’s really something to behold. Governor Quie told me he had a dream when he was younger that he would ride horses at 80. At 89, he’s fulfilled this wish and then some. Here’s to many more rides, Governor Quie.

Jim Klobuchar - About Getting Old, Read My Lips

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 16:26:00 -0500

The calendar doesn’t negotiate with us or offer rewards. One of its chores is to make silent announcements, like: “one more birthday , friend.”

Let’s say the day comes when you graduate from your jolly 70s. That simple fact may not be worth launching a drum and bugle parade downtown or taking a full page ad in the Sunday New York Times.

Consider the possibility that the celebration can be simpler and a lot less expensive.

A few days ago I finished one of my bouts with the treadmill in the fitness center nearby. It’s one of those modern and progressive sweat boxes that gives major discounts, in some cases a free ride, to aging card holders in one of the major insurance companies.

The idea behind the insurance company’s gift to sweating geezers is the essence of shrewd humanitarianism. What they’re saying is: Stay healthy folks, so we don’t have to pay the hospital bills (out of your premiums). Which in one swoop makes (a) the customer healthier and (b) the insurance company richer.

Sometimes the system does work.

When I finished a half hour on the treadmill, I took a pair of 10-pound weights, lifted them over my head, alternating arms, and put down the weights after 15 minutes. After watching CNN bringing us the latest calamities for a few minutes I headed into the hallway leading to the locker room and showers.

A fellow was sitting on a chair at the head of the hallway, towel around his neck, a pleasant guy I’d met before. We exchanged greetings. He was breathing harder than he probably should have. He looked around to see if there was anyone else in earshot and asked: “How old are you?

I said I was 84. He nodded and smiled in a way that was intended to convey some sort of confession. “I’m 61,” he said.

I offered congratulations. He seemed to want to continue the conversation. He may have been imagining himself at my age, but without a lot of joy because he wasn’t especially proud of where he was physically and perhaps psychologically.

I had the impression he had time on his hands. From earlier conversations I knew he was reasonably well off, may have lived alone, a man stumbling in search, getting older faster.

All of those years had taught me some minimal discretions about giving advice. My paths to fulfillment, if that’s the correct word, might be 180 degrees from another’s. Other folks aren’t necessarily bashful about lighting the way for us. In my book stacks at home is one written by a Dr. Walter M. Bortz published by Simon and Shuster. In it Dr. Bortz challenges the men of the world: “Dare to be 100.”

I’ll admit that’s a reasonable goal. The doctor offers the challenge with energy and hustle, sprigs of humor and some genuinely sound medical advise based heavily on the idea of involvement with the world around us. He offers 100 suggestions ranging from keeping order in your life to being a good loser to convincing yourself that it’s never too late to be totally delighted with life heading into your 80s and beyond.

I would be the last to argue.

I couldn’t possibly have been there to talk about life with my friend in the fitness center if I hadn’t brought an end to my drinking 20 years ago with the help of friends, colleagues and my family and a burst of common sense.

I couldn’t possibly have been there if I didn’t have the brains to walk into a hospital three years before that and discovered that I had heart blockage of 90, 95,90 and 100 per cent, and needed surgery almost that very day.

Nor could I have been there unless I addressed the enticements that pulled me into a life of self-gratification. My time, my agendas.

I don’t know if the fellow in the chair outside the workout room knew all of that or would be interested if he did. I turned to leave, but I stopped and shook his hand, and he seemed about to ask a question.

“Work on your friendships,” I said. “rekindle some of the old ones. When it’s all said and done it’s the relationships that matter most. Travel when you can. Embrace the world, if it’s no further than the North Shore of Lake Superior. Think about somebody who needs your help and pick up the phone. And come here and take care of your body. Think about somebody who needs your help.”

So I went back to the treadmill and did ten minutes more.

86-Year-Old's Felony Case Raises Questions for All of Us

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 15:13:00 -0600

Yesterday a Saint Peter, Minnesota woman with dementia was charged with voter fraud after accidentally voting twice in the 2012 primary election. Her story raises questions for all of us. This link will take you to a blog post on it where you can share your thoughts.

Life Stories Celebrated at Ecumen Community in Norwood Young America

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 16:33:00 -0600

One of the joys of working at Ecumen is getting to know so many people who have great stories and life experiences. A number of Ecumen communities are collaborating with Celebrations of Life whose mission is to provide a meaningful Legacy Journey® experience to help individuals and families live their lives with intention and share their values, wisdom and generosity with loved ones and future generations. Through the collaboration, Ecumen customers explore and publish their life story. As you can imagine, the stories make great keepsakes today and for generations to come.

The Harbor in Norwood Young America is an Ecumen-managed community that has had 8 residents who have recently embarked on their life story projects. The newest stories were celebrated last week at a reception at The Harbor, where the authors unveiled their hardcover autobiographies, sharing them with family and friends.

Over the course of several months residents met with Bonita Heilman, The Harbor’s Community Relations Director to share, reflect and write about their lives. After the writing process is complete, the stories are edited and published in hardcover books complete with a lifetime of photographs.

Among the authors and honorees at the most recent celebrations were the following:

Bonnie Trebesch: She grew up in Clements, MN, and met her husband when she was 13. They were married when she was 18. He was a Marine stationed in California. Together they had 12 children. Talk about juggling!

Gordon Wroge (pictured above): He grew up on the family farm in Young America, MN that was founded by his Grandfather in 1876. Gordon spoke German at home and learned English at school. Today Gordon’s son Dave is the fourth generation of Gordon’s family to live on and work the family farm.

Vernon Henschen: Vernon also grew up on a farm near Cologne, MN. He was drafted into the Army during the Korean War. He was stationed in Hamburg, Germany, and found the German he spoke at home with his family came in handy while stationed overseas. He has restored over 70 tractors in his lifetime. They’re all at the family farm. And they’re all International Harvesters.

Congratulations to Bonnie, Gordon and Vernon for sharing their stories! Your families must be proud. We are!

Ecumen Welcomes New Board of Trustee Members

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 16:17:00 -0600

Ecumen is very pleased to welcome Ann Barkelew, Dick Olson, Anne Simpson and Darrell Tukua to our Board of Trustees. More information on each new Ecumen Trustee follows:

Anne Barkelew

Ann Barkelew’s 35-year public relations career includes C-suite experience in the public sector (Los Angeles County Office of Education), the private sector (Dayton Hudson Corporation, nka Target Corporation) and with a major international agency (Fleishman Hillard).

In 1995, Ann was named by her peers internationally as “Public Relations Professional of the Year;” in 1999, was named one of the Most Influential Women in Business in Minnesota by CityBusiness; in 2001, received Fleishman-Hillard’s Lifetime Achievement Award; and in 2003, received the Arthur W. Page Society’s Distinguished Service Award for contributions that have strengthened the role of public relations in society.

Today Ann is actively involved with VocalEssence as a member of the board and with womenwinning: Minnesota Women’s Campaign Fund as a past board member. She twice chaired the Children’s Theatre Company Board of Governors. She was a public member of the Minnesota News Council for six years and chaired the Council’s first board of directors. She was a founding member of United Way’s “Success by Six” program and was actively involved with the Greater Minneapolis Girl Scout Council. She served two terms on the boards of the Minnesota Humanities Center and the Minneapolis Club. She is a member of the Minnesota Women’s Forum and the Twin Cities Communications Council.

Ann began her career as a high school English and journalism teacher in Missouri and California. She headed public information programs in Santa Barbara and Los Angeles California as a school administrator before moving to the corporate sector in 1981. She earned her bachelors’ degree from Central Missouri State University and her master’s from the University of Missouri.

A. Richard (Dick) Olson

Dick enjoyed an interesting career with IBM Corp. He was an international marketing executive with a record of expansion of markets for IBM products in Asia and the South Pacific through agent sales channels. He was involved with product development of mid-range computer solutions, and played a key role in implementing the Japanese language (Kanji) on IBM computers.

When the opportunity arose, he took early retirement from IBM and moved to Singapore as Managing Director of a computer solutions company. He moved to Vietnam when the US lifted its embargo and established a consulting company to enable clients to enter that market.

He has served on the board and as treasurer of Mill City Commons in Minneapolis, a villages approach to community building for older urbanites. Ecumen helped shape Mill City Commons and serves as its strategic partner. His board service also included two terms as president of Sawgrass Association Inc., which managed a large retirement development in Florida. He is currently an active participant in startup businesses in the Midwest.

Dick has a BA in mathematics from Luther College and a Master’s degree from Vanderbilt University. He taught mathematics for two years before joining IBM.

John Petraborg

John Petraborg brings more than 30 years of senior leadership experience in the public and private sectors. Mr. Petraborg is recently retired from Hewlett Packard (HP). At HP, he was the Client Industry Executive responsible for the development of health and human services solutions for HP’s State and Local government customers. Through his leadership of business transformation engagements with many government agencies in the US and abroad, he has focused on the use of innovation, application of best practice, and deployment of technology to restructure government health and human services.

In addition to many roles in government, Mr. Petraborg served as Commissioner (Acting) of the Minnesota Department of Human Services, the state’s largest agency. Mr. Petraborg pioneered innovative policies for health care, welfare reform, children’s services, and child support. He led the successful business re-design and system development for several Minnesota programs.

Mr. Petraborg received the Distinguished Alumnus Award from the University of Minnesota School of Social Work, the Public Service Award from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and the Children’s Champion Award from Children’s Defense Fund. He served as national President of the Quality Control Directors Association. He recently served as Chairman of the Human Services IT Advisory Group of Tech America, the leading technology trade association in the US.

Anne Simpson

Anne spent 18 years as a caregiver for her husband, Reverend Robert Simpson, who died in July 2011. Moving three times to get the care he needed, she became actively concerned about housing options for seniors.

During the first years of his disease, she and Bob wrote a book together: Through the Wilderness of Alzheimer’s: A Guide in Two Voices ( Augsburg Fortress, 1999). She has subsequently published a book of poems, Growing Down: Poems for an Alzheimer’s Patient and mounted an exhibit called “I’m Still Here” with Laura Crosby, pairing her poems with Laura’s photographs. Anne has written a curriculum for churches to encourage their support and inclusion of both dementia patients and caregivers; it will be published this spring.

Before she was a caregiver, Anne was a writer, a sheep farmer and a Christian educator. She holds a lay diploma from United Theological Seminary.

Darrell Tukua

Darrell currently serves as a member of several corporate boards of directors including Capella Education Company, Constellation, and Gate City Bank. He is a retired partner of KPMG LLP, a global provider of audit, tax, and advisory services. Darrell has served on the boards of numerous not-for-profit organizations. In addition to serving on the board of trustees of Ecumen, Darrell currently serves on the board of the National Association of Corporate Directors Minnesota Chapter and as a non-board member of the Finance Committee of Allina Health.

He is the past board chair of Catholic Charities of St. Paul and Minneapolis. In addition to Catholic Charities, Darrell previously served on the boards of Habitat for Humanity of Minnesota, Vail Place, Twin Cities Habitat for Humanity, Washburn Center for Children, and West Hennepin Counseling Services.

Darrell graduated from the University of South Dakota with a B.S. in Accounting.

Join Mary Furlong, Ecumen, AARP and Others Shaping "What's Next" in Chicago March 12

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 11:56:00 -0600

Dr. Mary Furlong is one of those people who sees the future and opportunities where others see problems and challenges. It's her vision that led to the development of SeniorNet a quarter century ago, bringing foundations, Apple, IBM, the Bureau of Indian Affairs and others to bring computer access to more than a million underserved Americans.

If you want to join with Mary, Ecumen, tech trend watcher Lauri Orlov, MetLife, AARP and many others working to shape the future of aging and innovation, sign up for the 2013 What's Next Boomer Business Summit. Ecumen will be participating in a panel discussion on the future of Alzheimer's care and sharing insights from our Awakenings program to reduce the unnecessary use of antipsychotic medications in dementia care.

Ecumen Participaing inTwin Cities Panel Discussion Wed. on Long-Term Care Financing Innovation

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 12:09:00 -0600

Citizens League's Capitol Solutions Twin Cities Breakfast Series: Long-term care Financing Event

Wednesday, Feb. 20
Doors 7:30 a.m. | Program 8-9:30 a.m.
Minnesota History Center
345 Kellogg Blvd West, St. Paul
Cost $5 for members, $15 for nonmembers
Coffee and pastries provided

At age 65, a person has a 70 percent chance of needing some type of long-term care in their future years - at an average cost of $48,000.

The default financing source has become Medicaid, which provides publicly funded health care for those in poverty. But the growing number of people turning to Medicaid is creating a crisis in public funding. In short, we face an unprecedented set of enormous costs that we have not prepared for, either individually or publicly. Medicaid as the fallback is unsustainable.

This is a multi-generational issue, a quality of life issue, and a fiscal security issue.

Join the Citizens League and Ecumen to learn about the problem; the steps Minnesotan businesses, government, and citizens need to take to solve it; and what can be done this legislative session.

Check out the full Citizens League Capitol Solutions legislative event series lineup, and learn how you can help.

Thanks to Comcast for sponsoring this event series.

Secrets to 75 Years of Marriage and a Final Goodbye on Valentine's Day

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 11:17:00 -0600

A 75-year love story will forever change today. Clifford and Mildred Bjerke of Moorhead, Minn., married in the 1930s and raised a fun-loving family based on their simple ideals of love, family and hard work. Not uncommon in those days, but few are able to reach the 75 year milestone.

The grandparents of one of my best friends, I’ve witnessed the legacy Clifford and Mildred created – generations of Bjerkes who carry on the “spunk” that kept Clifford on his toes and the hard work that held their family together. Their daughter, at age 70, makes me laugh out loud at her stories and admire her funky new haircut and bright red dress. Their granddaughter, my friend, is not only the life of the party, but also works long, emotional hours as a neonatal nurse practitioner.

It’s both heart-warming and heart-breaking that Clifford and his family say goodbye and lay Mildred to rest today, Valentine’s Day 2013, just days after sharing their love story with The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead. It’s my honor to pass along Clifford and Mildred Bjerke’s secrets of 75 years of marriage.

When Will You Retire?

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 11:10:00 -0600

I know I won’t work as long as Pope Benedict or Minneapolis Star Tribune sports columnist Sid Hartman or Lynne Lunna, the long-time River Room hostess in Saint Paul. Lunna passed away in 2008, after a 75-year career. (Despite our 50-something year age difference, I’m pretty sure Sid can lap me right now.)

Where do you see yourself? Will you work forever, retire at 65 or earlier, or will you be in a new combo of work in your older years? Why? If you're retired now, are you working? Do you enjoy it? Read more here and share your thoughts.

Ecumen Initiative to Reduce Antipsychotics in Dementia Care Receives Aging Services of Minnesota Innovation Award

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 10:28:00 -0600

Ecumen has received Aging Services of Minnesota's Leading Change Innovation Award. The award recognizes Ecumen Awakenings, our program to reduce the use of unnecessary antipsychotic and other medications for residents with dementia.

About a third of all residents in nursing homes are prescribed such drugs. In some cases these drugs are helpful in helping calm disruptive behaviors often related to Alzheimer’s. In other cases, they make them worse or cause the person to live in a zombie-like state. When prescribed for residents who do not have a behavioral diagnosis, they may contribute to a lower quality of life in addition to posing significant health risks.

In 2012, fifteen of Ecumen’s care centers were awarded a three-year Performance Based Initiative Program (PIPP) grant from the Minnesota Department of Human Services (DHS). The goal of the program is to improve the quality of life of care center residents by re-examining and improving the quality of care. Awakenings is an integrated approach focusing on mind, body and spirit that incorporates the involvement of residents and family members, rehabilitative nursing, specialized training on communication and relationship building with residents, and collaboration with psychology, psychiatry and pharmacy professionals.

The result is a comprehensive, holistic approach to improving residents’ quality of life – literally “awakening” a number of patients who have been sedated, lethargic, or experiencing decreased physical and cognitive functioning due to inappropriate use of antipsychotics, hypnotics, anti-anxiety, and other medications.

Since its implementation, the program has met and exceeded all of its formal PIPP outcome goals. In a one-year period nearly 700 psychotropic medications have been either discontinued or decreased among people served in the Awakenings program. Among the dramatic stories of resident “awakenings” is the following example, as told by the center’s Resident Care Coordinator:

One woman, who was non-verbal since her arrival, was on Risperdal and Ativan. Her primary physician was willing to attempt weaning her off of these meds at the request of our nursing staff, and she was eventually weaned off of both drugs. This woman speaks again. She is able to engage with her daughters who visit frequently, and who have said, ‘What a gift you have given our family.’” The woman was initially given these medications as an adjunct therapy for pain management. When she started speaking again I asked her if she still had pain when on Ativan. She stated ‘yes.’ I asked her, ‘You just couldn’t talk?’ She said ‘yes.’

About Aging Services of Minnesota
Aging Services of Minnesota is Minnesota's largest association of organizations serving Minnesota seniors. Its mission is simple – to improve the lives of Minnesota seniors and families by leading change and innovation in the field of older adult services.

Its membership encompasses over 1,000 organizations across Minnesota. Together, it works with over 50,000 caregivers and serves more than 125,000 seniors each year in all of the places they call home, including senior housing communities, assisted living and care centers.

Aging Services members are diverse but share a common focus on person-directed living, missions of service to their communities and choice in older adult services. Aging Services is the state partner of LeadingAge and the Assisted Living Federation of America (ALFA).

Ecumen receives $3 million Margaret A. Cargill Foundation grant

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 10:19:00 -0600

Ecumen Receives $3 Million Margaret A. Cargill Foundation Grant to Create a Model for Improving Rural Senior Living

SHOREVIEW, Minn. (February 5, 2013) – Ecumen, a non-profit that provides senior housing and services across Minnesota and nationally, announced today it has received a $3 million grant from the Margaret A. Cargill Foundation.

The grant will help transform a longstanding nursing home at Ecumen Detroit Lakes into a one-stop aging services hub that improves and expands service access for seniors in rural Becker County, Minnesota. The goal is to develop a replicable model that maximizes existing community infrastructure, integrates technology, and combines services in one location to help seniors remain healthfully independent in rural America.

Rural America Larger Than Most Nations

If rural America were a country, its population of 50 million would be larger than nearly all of the world’s nations. Rural America’s fastest growing population cohort is people 65-plus. Seniors make up 15 percent of the country’s rural populace, with the proportion of seniors greater in rural areas than metropolitan areas. Overall, rural residents have proportionately more chronic conditions than their urban counterparts, but obtaining services that can help a person remain independent can be difficult in rural areas, especially for seniors, many of whom live alone.

“We are honored by this opportunity to carry out Margaret A. Cargill’s philanthropic vision, especially as it relates to transforming aging services and serving unmet needs,” said Kathryn Roberts, president and CEO of Ecumen. “Our goal is to help keep people healthier and out of the nursing home and hospital. This initiative will take a whole-person approach and create a community hub that helps integrate technology, socialization, fitness, nutrition and health care. Society has long looked at aging as a challenge. We believe growing older represents one of our country’s great innovation opportunities.”

Ecumen has commenced design work on the new center on the Ecumen Detroit Lakes campus, which includes a mix of housing and services for seniors. Construction is anticipated to begin in the Spring and conclude in 2014. Components will include:

- A telehealth center for physicians, nurses and other health care professionals to conduct patient consultations
- Thirty private rehabilitation suites for short-term stays, so area residents can rehabilitate after illness or surgery and then return home
- A warm-water pool for exercise classes and physical therapy.
- State-of-the art occupational therapy, speech therapy and physical therapy areas
- A fitness center with anaerobic and aerobic equipment, which can accommodate all strength levels
- A labyrinth area for meditation, prayer and reflection
- An internet café, library and classrooms for health workshops, classes and other social and educational opportunities
- A salon
- A dining area for up to 40 people

In most rural areas this mix of services doesn’t exist or is geographically scattered. A hub approach opens the door to making other community resources more accessible. For example, it can provide area physicians a partner in physical therapy, and care and patient health monitoring to better coordinate health information; transportation approaches can be focused on a single destination; and it can help better define and coordinate acute care and non-acute care services in the larger community.

Ecumen (www.ecumen.org), which is based in Shoreview, Minn., is the most innovative leader of senior housing and services, empowering people to live better, easier and more fun lives. Its mission is to create home for older adults wherever they choose to live. Ecumen envisions a world in which aging is viewed and understood in radically different ways. The Minneapolis/St. Paul Business Journal has identified Ecumen as one of Minnesota’s “Best Places to Work”, and the Minneapolis Star Tribune named Ecumen as one of Minnesota’s “Top 100 Workplaces”.

A Stricken Soldier Writes to His Sons - by Jim Klobuchar

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 09:55:00 -0600

The tall retired lieutenant colonel seemed unbothered that I arrived late for our lunch. This wasn’t a military drill and in fact he was no longer on active duty. He wore a civilian leather jacket and winter shirt and offered a big smile of forgiveness.

“It happens,” he said. “let’s lunch and talk about things. I brought you a book.”

It was his own, “Tell My Sons,” self-published by onetime Lt. Col. Mark Weber of Rosemount MN and now becoming a best seller around the country. It is written by a man whose extraordinary military career during wartime put him not only into combat zones but into a place of trust with commanders such as Gen. Martin Dempsey, Gen. David Petraeus, Gen. Peter Pace of the Marines and Gen. Richard Myers of the Air Force.

All of them have endorsed his book with respect. So did Mitch Albom, the author or Tuesdays with Morrie; actor Robin Williams and John Elway, the Hall of Fame quarterback and executive with the Denver Broncos pro football team.

There is no bravado in this book. What he does in “Tell My Sons”-- Matthew, Joshua and Noah Weber-- is to explain to them that at the age of 41 he is dying of Stage IV intestinal cancer, that he and their mother, Kristin, have done all they could to deal with it and to fight it; and it is now in the hands of the laws of nature and beyond, and that his love for them, and their mother, has never been deeper nor vital.

He talks to all of his children as an adult who has been to the edge and is now facing the unknown, a man declaring his love and gratitude and sharing what wisdom has come of his journey.

“If attitude alone determined survival,” he writes,, “I would live another fifty years. Unfortunately our bodies get a vote and my 40-year old frame is giving out sooner than it should despite some breathtaking treatments. I still have cancer. I can’t have any more surgeries and the chemo is failing. I may look invincible in my Army uniform or while cutting down trees with a feeding machine strapped over my shoulder, but to suggest than I’m not dying is just dishonest.

“So I started thinking about ways to tell you my stories.

“There’s an 18-year-old boy inside of me who sees the three of you quickly approaching the age when I started really thinking about life. That boy stood out on a parade field 23 years ago and listened while an unseen narrator passionately recited an adaptation of Gen. Douglas MacArthur’s famous 1962 speech to the cadets of West Point. The words and accompanying music pulled at the hair on my arms and neck, and I felt tears roll down my cheeks. You were just babies when the army recognized me as one of the best company grade officers of the 30,000 plus in the Army…

“The truth is that I’m not a big fan of Douglas MacArthur and never have been. But his speech to those young men is about being a real man. It’s about life as a struggle and our need to embrace it, about the contradictions and complexity and confusions, about the courage and search for wisdom required to get through it all, and about coming to it all as honestly as a man can reasonably do.

“So when it came time to share with you what I’ve learned and knew about life, I knew I had to draw on that speech one more time—with the three of you as my aspiring cadets, and each chapter framed in a moral from that speech.

“Mathew, when you were 12, I tried to offer you some advice after a brief discussion on some mundane subject, and you interrupted me. “Dad,” you said, with an elevated tone to get my attention, “I’ll figure it out.” You were right then and you’re still right.”

He doesn’t try to spare them the jolts and swerves of real life. He shares with them the struggles their mother faced when he persisted in his military career, which took him around the horn in America from his encounters with the military idea at Cretin schools in St. Paul, then Minnesota National Guard, to Iraq, to combat and liason work at command quarters, to a working friendship with the Kurdish commander of Iraqi defense forces, who marveled at his practical and political knowledge of the way the military works, or doesn’t work.

He didn’t ignore his spiritual side. Serving in the midst of the deadly religious conflicts of Middle East, he took time to read from England’s Karen Armstrong, an authority on the evolution of the world’s great religions, their visions, some of their hypocrisies and their historic rivalries and bloody clashes.

He is an educated and sensitive man, but a man of action nonetheless and in writing dialogue he is loyal to some of the casual light-hearted four-letter words without which folks who were once or still in the military sometimes have trouble communicating. He talks candidly and sympathetically of Kristen’s exasperation with the sudden shifts in geography of the soldier’s life that couldn’t help threatening their commitments.

But it has been a commited marriage, an unbreakable one from day one and now page to page in this remarkable man’s life as a warrior, husband, father and man of his world.

He wrote to his children: “Bravery, then, is not about avoiding fear or finding ways to ignore it. It’s a reflection of what you intend to do with your fear. Facing it means taking in every thing about your situation—the good and the bad—and figuring out what you are going to do about it. Anything else is just a variation of surrender. Strength is about getting something done, even when you have ironclad reasons for not doing it.”

May there have been something wrong in that medical diagnosis of Mark Weber’s illness.

And if not, may we count ourselves favored to have him in our midst.

What You Can Expect From a Great Assisted Living Community

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 07:30:00 -0600

What You Can Expect From a Great Assisted Living Community

By Carol O'Dell, Caring.com contributing editor
Last updated: January 16, 2013

How will you find a good assisted living community for yourself or your loved one? A place that's affordable and safe, with excellent care, warm surroundings, and a friendly staff?

With more than 31,000 senior care facilities across the country, the good news is that there are lots of choices. The less-than-good news is that there are lots of choices! How do you begin your search? What do you look for -- and how do you know when you've found it?

Assisted living facilities have much to offer the aging population. From yoga classes to nature trails, movie nights to computer and painting classes, seniors will find something that entices them out of their apartments and into the many gathering places most facilities provide.

But it's not the indoor heated pools or fitness rooms that make for a good assisted living community -- it's when your loved one knows she belongs. It's when a staff member notices that something just isn't right and your loved one receives prompt attention. It's when other residents smile when they see her step into the dining room, or when you, the family member, know you can stop by at any time.

From coast to coast, in big cities and small towns and everything in between, there are some assisted living communities that truly shine. These are establishments that have inspired top-notch reviews from residents, experts, and families just like yours. These are the best of the best -- the Caring Stars of 2013.

Even though these providers are all over the country, it turns out that they have some important things in common. Here, we present five trends among Caring Star winners -- qualities that communities near you should have, too.
1. A clean, safe place where needs (big and small) are addressed promptly: "I feel heard."

Making sure your loved one is safe and receives prompt attention trumps the list. The best communities draw top-quality staff and keep communication open. In the words of one caregiver, they're "easy to contact and never hesitate to call if something needs to be discussed."

It's when everyone -- the director, the kitchen staff, the care aides and nurses -- goes out of their way and takes the time to do the little things that matter so much. Places where food requests are accommodated or that have “a chef who knows how to make the food sing.” Places where, as one family member said, the staff is "considerate and dependable, no matter when I call."
2. Homey touches: "It feels like home."

No one wants to feel like they're living in a hospital, and they don't have to. Assisted living communities have come a long way. They feature special touches, such as manicured grounds with flower beds, gazebos and ponds, inviting décor, and "spacious, well-maintained living spaces." Where living spaces reflect residents' personalities -- like the community where "residents had several of their personal belongings displayed, such as photographs and figurines." "Placing a loved one here will help me sleep at night," one visitor said of a two-time five-star community in his area.
3. A trustworthy staff and active residents: "It feels like family."

Trusting that your loved one is receiving good care is vital, and there's nothing like being greeted by name. These are the places where "you can feel the love when you walk in the door." It's also important that your loved one find new friendships. "Several residents stopped and talked to us. It was nice to know that my grandma wouldn't have a problem meeting people" is how one granddaughter expressed it.
4. Great amenities: "I feel like I'm on vacation."

You're in for treat when it comes to amenities. Assisted living communities now offer video, audio, and book libraries; computer rooms; and classes on everything from digital photography to scrapbooking. If you're into fitness, you can swim, golf, and even take a "laughing yoga" class. And don't think you're stuck in one place: After visiting a friend at her community, one reader said, "We walked the trails that lead to the park in the back. We ate lunch in the dining area (food was great) . . . then took the facility bus ride half a mile down to the mall for shopping."

You're likely to find whatever you're interested in, whether it's church services; game nights; a 24-hour café offering beverages and light snacks; or easy access to nearby shopping, museums, music venues, and restaurants.
5. Family-friendly atmosphere: "I feel like my family and friends are always welcome."

It's tough to place your loved one in a care community, so finding one that's family-friendly helps assure you that your loved one will stay connected. "Family involvement is encouraged, and there are special family nights several times during the year, with live music, festive decorations, and a beautiful buffet," one family member said of her experience with a loved one's assisted living community. Life is sweeter when you're able to invite a friend for lunch, and when your grandchildren and even the great-grands get to visit often. Some assisted living facilities send out invitations to special events and celebrations; you can even reserve a room for birthdays and other important gatherings.

Before choosing an assisted living community, gather as much information as you can. Be sure to go online and see if there are Caring Stars in your area, and read reviews for other communities as well. Then schedule a few tours of your top selections. Print out a copy of the Caring Checklist for evaluating assisted living providers so you can make notes as you go.

While you're there, talk to the staff (include a chat with someone from the kitchen staff, care aides, the activities director, and others) and be sure to meet a few residents and their visitors. Ask for a chance to enjoy a meal in the dining hall.

And, above all else, don't hesitate to ask each community: "How many of these Caring Stars trends are you getting right?"

Baby Boomers' Last Wishes...

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 13:24:00 -0600

Baby Boomers' Last Wishes: Motorcycle Hearses And Facebook Obits

by Peter Gray
January 04, 2013 5:58 PM

All Things Considered LISTEN

Lew Bird says that before passing away, his friend requested that his funeral include one last ride on a motorcycle. Enlarge image

Lew Bird says that before passing away, his friend requested that his funeral include one last ride on a motorcycle.
Peter Gray for NPR

Old Aristocracy Hill isn't a part of Springfield, Ill., that draws a lot of attention. The quiet neighborhood dates back to before the Civil War, its historic homes now carefully preserved by proud business owners.

But outside a stately funeral home, a large black-and-chrome Harley Davidson motorcycle trike pulls out of the parking lot, towing a matching casket in its glass-sided trailer.

It's not something you would expect to see, but it's exactly what 67-year-old Lew Bird says his friend Dave Rondelli wanted: one last ride.

"Our generation, the baby boomers, have really taken to motorcycles. We're retiring, and we can afford to do that kind of thing," Bird says. "He loved it. He retired, and he rode his bike a lot. You know, guess if you're going to go out, go out the way you like to go."

Chris Butler, director of Butler Funeral Home, says he bought the motorcycle funeral coach because his customers are increasingly seeking a highly personal and unique experience. Funeral customs and rituals, he adds, tend to evolve with time and reflect the culture in which they're practiced.

"Today people are wanting very much [for] their ceremonies to reflect their life, the meaning of their life," Butler explains. "So we can offer families the traditional as well as unique options for remembering their loved one."

He also says posting an obituary on his company's Facebook page is another option to get funeral information out to the community quickly. But not everyone in the business agrees it's a good idea.

Randall Earl, former president of The National Funeral Directors Association, which tracks trends in the industry, has been in the business for 40 years and holds concerns about some of the innovations, including utilizing social media in the funeral planning and grieving process.
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"It can be very harmful if you have family members who are angry with other family members and they have a death," Earl says.

He maintains that it's just too difficult to control what's said and done by mourners on social media platforms.

"I would say we're just trying to protect our business as well as the families we serve, and I do not have a Twitter or Facebook for those reasons," Earl explains.

Others, like Greg Young, argue that protecting families and social media don't have to be mutually exclusive. The 32-year-old entrepreneur, who left his job at IBM five years ago to launch funeralinnovations.com, maintains that careful use of social media can vastly improve a memorial experience, while upholding an appropriate level of privacy.

"Every funeral home needs to have their own strategy; there's no cookie-cutter approach," Young says. "There may be some times that you do not want to post the obituary, and we do have those cases that we work with."

Young's company sells Web, mobile and social media marketing, and believes that, like so many other things, the future of funeral planning will rely on tablets and smartphones. As families scatter across the globe, he says that often the best way for his clients to connect with mourners may well indeed be online.

"We're really starting to push webcasting, which has been out there for years, but funeral homes typically have not accepted it," Young explains. "We think it's very important to preserve that moment, so that generations to come can easily come back and access that information and learn more about their ancestors."

All of the recent innovations — webcasting for genealogy, Facebook pages for grieving families, mobile devices to plan a funeral or find an obituary, even a motorcycle hearse — may or may not stand the test of time.

But what's clear is that whatever changes endure will likely be those sought by baby boomers, who continue to drive consumer trends in life and in death.

‘Granny Pods’ and Lennar NEXTGEN Homes – Are They What's Next?

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:11:00 -0600

America’s Age Wave is leading to new backyard cottages dubbed ‘Granny Pods’ (can't stand the name)(pictured top left) and “homes within a home” via Lennar’s NextGen Housing (above right). Will they take off? Learn more and share your thoughts on at this Minneapolis Star Tribune blog post.

Vital Aging Network Forum: "Be Your Own Healthcare Advocate"

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 14:44:00 -0600

Be Your Own Healthcare Advocate
Getting what you need to make good decisions

Tuesday, January 8, 2013
10:30 AM to 12:30 PM

Ramsey County Library - Roseville
2180 North Hamline Ave
Roseville, MN 55113

with
Robin Austin, MS, RN-BC

Being informed is essential in today's healthcare environment. This forum will provide strategies on how to talk with your healthcare provider, resources for becoming an engaged health consumer, and tips to find accurate and reliable health information on the Internet. Join us for this discussion. Empower yourself as a healthcare advocate for you and your family.

Robin is completing a Doctorate degree in Nursing Practice at Loyola University, Chicago. She is a nursing instructor at Minneapolis Community and Technical College in and has many years of clinical experience.

Download a flyer

This event is FREE and open to the public.

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Baby Boomers' Last Wishes...

Baby Boomers' Last Wishes: Motorcycle Hearses And Facebook Obits

‘Granny Pods’ and Lennar NEXTGEN Homes – Are They What's Next?

Vital Aging Network Forum: "Be Your Own Healthcare Advocate"

Be Your Own Healthcare Advocate Getting what you need to make good decisions

Citizens League's Capitol Solutions Twin Cities Breakfast Series: Long-term care Financing Event

Wednesday, Feb. 20
Doors 7:30 a.m. | Program 8-9:30 a.m.
Minnesota History Center
345 Kellogg Blvd West, St. Paul
Cost $5 for members, $15 for nonmembers
Coffee and pastries provided

Be Your Own Healthcare Advocate
Getting what you need to make good decisions