cecil vortex

Common Sense Rules for Business: "I'll have the number one!"

2009-12-09T13:24:58-08:00

Whatever your business, consider organizing what you sell into groups of three products, and giving each group a number. For example, if you run a coffee shop, one group could be "a machiatto, a ginger cookie, and a kale salad." Another group could be "a soft boiled egg and two single-espressos." You get the idea. That way, when a customer walks in, they can say "I'll have the number one!" People love to say that phrase. Just look at how well McDonald's has done! Now sit back and watch the money roll in....

Excited!

2009-12-02T08:54:53-08:00

The fellow at the table next to me is excited about getting on a panel with someone who's a "super high-ranking hardcore anarchist vegan." I didn't know they ranked that kind of thing. Cool....

For Tundra Wolves

2009-11-21T08:58:34-08:00

For Tundra Wolves to be to dogs as lions are to cats, Tundra Wolves which can already grow up to 7 feet long would need to be 11.76 times larger than they actually are and weigh 1,460 pounds. 1,460 pounds of Tundra Wolf. Do you see what I'm saying?...

Verner Ist Ein Fahmer

2009-11-20T14:17:13-08:00

"Verner ist lonely in every part of his body" in this stirring trailer for an even more stirring film from extremely stirring 1920s German auteur/filmmaker/farmer Edelgard von Schinkenliebhaber. Prepare to get stirred! Verner Ist Ein Fahmer - watch more funny videos (Written and filmed by The Whittlers -- East Bay cohorts in mini-movie mania.)...

Berries

2009-11-15T11:51:10-08:00

The guy next to me at this breakfast joint just said to his date in a Jack Nicholson voice that I think is really the way this guy talks "looks to me like you're not a fan of berries." If he sees what I'm typing I'm a dead man....

Is it worse

2009-11-14T14:58:02-08:00

to be brought somewhere for some larger purpose or to be brought somewhere for some larger porpoise? Or, what if the larger purpose was to serve a smaller porpoise? What then?...

2013: The Movie

2009-11-09T17:41:16-08:00

Here's the trailer for an exciting new thriller. 10% more thrilling than 2012, by volume..... Tell your friends and hide your neighbors: 2013 is nigh!...

milestone

2009-11-07T10:33:09-08:00

My daughter finally reached the age where she slept in so long on a Saturday, I teased her with the old "oh wow, I forgot I had a second child" bit. Much more importantly, I finally reached the age where I amused myself by delivering said tease. Woohoo!...

Outrageous

2009-11-03T20:39:51-08:00

overalls are rocking out country-style tonight. That outrageous fiddle, the toe-tapping outrageous lady singer and Brother Jeremiah with his bass and jaunty fresh-brimmed derby. You are all outrageously dressed up like Depression era folks tonight. Except so much cleaner....

Frog hopping sentiment

2009-11-02T17:44:19-08:00

roomward covering corners carrying photos of tadpoles large eyes and feathers and whatnot while painting the scene with shades of frog hopping feathers sentiment burp...

Just for fun

2009-11-01T08:50:37-08:00

Sam wanted to bob for apples on Halloween "just for fun." Which was a relief, because I know there are some people who bob for apples competitively, and others who bob for apples professionally. And I'm just not ready for him to make either of those leaps....

My latest several hundred dollar idea.....

2009-10-31T13:33:03-08:00

Dial-a-Madlib-word. Call any day or time, say "adjective" or "number" or "person in the room" and get the goods for 10 cents a pop. 20 cents for "type of liquid." I know, speaking as a doting parent, I would pay $1.40 cents easy to have my children's Madlib-word-appetite sated....

Dreamful swimming, it's the first

2009-06-06T08:27:59-08:00

wriggle of morning thought. Something to hold on to. To pull him out. Sharp. He bites-- Hold on! Hold on! Tight jaw, reeling in, line stretching, water shake. There's a bend and a swing. with the whole scene swirling past too fast then he's flopped over and down onto the plankety board bottom of the shiver boat. Standing above himself now. Wide awake. Cold....

Plug-ness: Poetry Reading, This Thursday

2009-06-02T08:52:59-08:00

I'll be reading a few poems this Thursday night at the West's Oldest Independent Bookseller (aka, Books Inc, Alameda) at 7:30 pm along with Jannie Dresser, Julia Park Tracey, and some guy named Don. I'm not sure whether we'll be reading in sequence or simultaneously, but that's the drama, right? Bay Area folks, of course we'd love to see ya there....

I don't know why

2009-05-31T13:37:26-08:00

everyone wants me to ashamed of my relationship with kale. Maybe it's because it's considered to be closer to wild cabbage than most domesticated forms? People need to get over that....