The Dating Coach

Meeting your Match Online: Notes from 365 Days of Online Love

2011-10-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

As a matchmaker and dating coach, it is important to be in touch with the REAL world of the single professional female. I need to understand firsthand, what my clients are experiencing. With schedules crammed with meetings, travel and just keeping the balance, many singles have begun searching for their match online. In an effort to see how things have changed over the last 9 years since I gave it a go, I embarked on an investigative journey to see what it is like to search online for love as a woman at age 39-45.

Over the past 365 days, I have lived online in under the name of "Eve_E92673."  I netted Plenty of Fish, and been given my Daily 5 on Match.com. After screening over 100 men by e-mail, I went on over 50 coffee dates. Why only 50, you ask. I can get into the practical process of sorting, screening and querying later. Just know, that you need to make some choices based upon e-mails to see who will make the cut. Suffice to say, I have a class on this...but for now, read on for the highlights of what stood out. Some of what I have learned may surprise you...even shock you!

Let's just get this out of the way...

Some Headshots are Unrealistic: Most of the men and I met looked even BETTER in person than online. I say "most." Remember, I screened heavily before meeting anyone face-to face. Some of the men I met did have professional shots done. In some cases when the shot looked too soft, I...that is  "Eve_E92673" asked for a shot to be e-mailed in natural light. Tip: We all have lines and have been in the sun. Just be realistic and be proud of the real you! There is nothing worse than meeting someone in REAL life and having them look years older than their photo.

Just Like Fine Wine...We Age: Yes, I did run into the occasional "I have to be straight with you before we met, I am several years older than I stated." This only happened twice during my research. Once, I caught it before we met. The other time...SURPRISE! I felt like I was meeting his older brother.

The Reality: I was amazed about the...

Quality: I had the most positive experience meeting many articulate, educated and genuinely wonderful gentlemen! 100% of the men I shared coffee with were down to earth, professional go-getters. Ladies, there are some amazing men online!

Quantity: I was very surprised at the number of successful, quality, relationship ready men who are online. The men I met remarked about how they grew tired of the bar scene, are busy building their portfolio and have not met women through their usual social circle.

Success...at last!

We have all known of someone who has met their match online. I cannot tell you how many times I have asked newly engaged couples how they met. I hear two things: at a friends party or online. I for one can attest to that, as I met my husband online on Match.com over 8 years ago. You see, this is why I have dedicated the next half of my life helping singles find their life partner.

Online "matchmaking" works! Just remember to use your filter when searching. Look at the process as an opportunity to meet people who would not normally pass through your world. Do not expect to meet Mr. Right the first time out. It takes patience, a tight screening process, and a positive attitude. Give it a shot and who knows? You just might be surprised and find that "hidden gem."

Do you want to learn more? Go to my free "Online Dating Success Strategies" audio session. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/cassistjames/2009/07/27/online-dating-strategies-for-success

"But He Said He Would Call."

2010-10-21T12:58:00.000-07:00

You had a great date. You were "feeling it." Chemistry was in the air and you KNOW it was mutual. He looked so much better than his photos. That was a FIRST! The kiss goodnight. His promise to get together again lingers in your mind as you watch his headlights disappear into the night...and then. He is gone.

The Next Night: The memory of that great date makes you think "he could be the one." He must have felt it too. You even saw his eyes glimmer when you said "he was exactly what you were hoping for." So why hasn't he called? He said he wasn't into games and he wanted a relationship. His profile even said so! Maybe he is just taking it slow. He doesn't want to seem so eager. How sweet. I think I could love him. Just to check in on him, you go online to Match and see if he has logged in. No activity for 24 hours. Humm...a good sign.

Three Days Later: You look at your cell phone in disgust, press the buttons and check to see if you have any messages...even texts. You hate texts from a guy this early on, but at this point, you'll take anything. Nothing. *$#!@ "He was a liar, a fake! Let me call my girlfriend later and get her take on this. " You reach over and pour another glass of wine and start to review the evening for the 100th time in your head. "Maybe I shouldn't have told him about that stint in rehab" You log into Match. He has been online today! Maybe he was just checking to see if YOU were online. You quickly log off , take a gulp of wine and call your girlfriend for advice.

The End of that Week: He said he travels for work, hits the gym 7 days a week and golfs on Saturdays. Yes, he keeps himself busy, but REGARDLESS, he should have at least found a minute to call. You have decided that he was an absolute *$#!@ and in fact...all men are *$#!@ Suzanne thinks so too! You log onto Match, check his status. YES, he has been online that day. No surprise there. You hide your profile and contemplate quitting your membership, and retire from dating altogether.

Coach Cassi's Advice to Play Your Cards Right!
You can't take responsibility if he decides not to call. It is difficult to tell what is on his head after just one "offline" date. All you can do is control what you can; your actions and your thoughts. Here are just a few things to consider to keep the odds stacked in your favor...

Don't show your cards too early - Keep a "poker face" and try to be calm on your first date. It may take him a few more dates with you to really "feel it." Sharing too much personal information is like rushing to the end of a book before you read each chapter. It is out of context.

Watch his Discards - Listen to what he is saying, and not saying during the evening. Does he say balance is important to him and yet he is excessively busy? Does he say he values family, yet hasn't seen his in over a year? Try to look for clues as to who he REALLY is. Many people can create a fabulous profile, but are they living it?

It takes several hands to win a game - Try to have several first dates or meetings on your schedule. You will then have several choices and if one does not work out, you always have another to consider.

Dating in the Dark

2010-08-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

My good friend was just on the ABC show Dating in the Dark, a reality show that eliminates looks as a factor in our dating choices.

The premise is reasonable. Get 3 women and 3 men in an environment where they can interact with one another in a dark room. Who they are on the inside becomes the primary aspect of attraction.

How is this experiment set up? The men and women are in separate teams. To learn more about each potential match, each team explores their cars, and rummages through personal toiletries and has several rounds of one-on-one mini-dates. In the end, each person chooses their ultimate partner and crosses their fingers that the feelings are mutual.

In the episode I viewed, one female participant said that after getting to know her match in the dark, his looks did not matter. A male participant with above average looks and in top shape wanted to be on the show because he felt he was liked only for his looks and that looks played a big part in his dating choices. In the end, he chose a fuller figured girl with an excellent personality and a good heart.

Contrived? Yes. But the point is well taken. We often base so much on looks, that we literally ignore important aspects of mutual compatibility. Aspects such as core values, lifestyle, future goals are pushed aside for a great face and body...not to mention money.

We all know that undeniable chemistry is a must! Someone may possesses all of the attributes you require in a life partner but there may be no connection. There needs to be balance, of course. My point is, make sure that all of the buckets are equally weighted when evaluating potential partners: values, personality, lifestyle, religious beliefs and yes of course, physical attraction.

Do you know what you want in a life partner? Can you identify your "must have" criteria and deal breakers ? Contact me for a complimentary coaching session so you can become empowered to make more conscious dating choices! Send your e-mail to mailcassi@cassistjames.com and mention "Dating in the Dark" in the Subject line.

Money Magazine says move to Newport for rich love

2010-07-15T07:36:00.000-07:00

Newport Beach is the top U.S. city for the rich and unattached to call home, according CNN Money Magazine's nationwide rating of 100 best places to live.

The magazine rated Newport Beach No.1 as the best place to live for wealthy singles, with 30% of the population unattached and the average household income almost at $145,000, based on U.S. Census data and Onboard Informatics 2009 projections.

Irvine came in No. 5 on the list with 31% single and average income at $133,000.

However, although Newport may be awash with wealthy bachelors and bachelorettes, it doesn't mean that dating in the city will be any easier for anyone no matter how much money a single person makes.

"The more money that you make and the more independent and stable you become, then the less willing you are to compromise your values and settle for someone less than what it is you want [in a partner]," Louie Felix, CEO of Elite Personal Search, a Costa Mesa-based one-on-one dating service that caters to average income and high-end clients nationwide.

And equal, if not greater, income is often on people's list of criteria in potential mates. However, often isn't always, Felix said.

"If we feel someone is a really strong match, we will introduce them," Felix said of individuals with large differences in personal income.

"People know more about what they don't want than what they do want," he said. "We tend to have to challenge [clients] to re-think about what it is they really want."

The high standards of wealthy singles may correlate to Newport's population of divorced individuals: 13%, which is higher than the average rate — 8.4% — of the Money Magazine's 100 best places to live.

And Newport residents are looking for love at later stages in their lives. The median age reported in the U.S. Census is 43, which correlates with the age of the average dater, Felix said.

Mary Ann Kilgore, who runs Diamond Introductions, a matchmaking service out of San Clemente, also confirmed that her average client was in his or her 40s.

For many professionals, managing their career takes up too much time to have a relationship, resulting in more wealthy singles, she said.

"Another reason: Many women who married younger now find that they have their own lives and careers and are looking to make smarter dating choices," Kilgore said. "Or the ones who were entirely career-focused while they were younger are now finding that their careers are terrific but that their love life could use a boost."

The city also may be a hub of wealthy single activity because of its popularity as a place to live for young relocating business executives, she said.

"The way the coastal area is portrayed on TV makes it appear a very appealing place to live," she said. "And to live on the coast, it means you have to have the money to do so."

Reveal Your Beauty on the Inside to Become an Instant Man Magnet!

2010-06-27T15:18:00.000-07:00

Dale Carnegie's Principals of Charm

Attraction. We all have our own interpretation of what we find attractive in another person. Those interpretations or ideas will often differ between women and men. As a coach and matchmaker, it is my goal to understand what my clients find attractive when I am searching for their match.

Regardless of my clients gender, level of financial success and physical attractiveness, when asked the question "What makes someone attractive to you?" the response was very similar. Below is a list of what was in common with the 25 single men and women I interviewed over the past few months.

Click to read full article.

Attract your Ideal Relationship Today!

2010-05-02T09:49:00.000-07:00

Are you feeling stuck in a relationship or unable to break your old dating patterns? Join me for this powerful seminar that will give you the motivation and courage to make powerful changes so you can start living a life that you love and attract your ideal partner. This changed my life and it is my free gift to you!

Key words, Life Focus, Ideal Partner, Visioning, healthy dating

Podcast
http://tinyurl.com/23yowhh

PDF Article
http://www.cassistjames.com/envision_your_future

Become a Real Housewife of Orange County

2010-04-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

The Real Housewives of Orange County show and the franchise has taken off like a storm. What is it that intrigues us with the Real Housewives of New York, Atlanta, New Jersey, etc? The answer for me is simple: I see a little bit of myself in all of these women!

The Real Housewives of Orange County for example are all on a quest to be financially successful, to have an identity, to be beautiful, to be thin, to be eternally young, to be looked upon as being a good person, and to meet the expectations of others.

Admit it. We are a lot like the women in The Real Housewives. Aren't all women in a struggle to live up to the expectations of others AND be true to themselves? Is this possible, or is striking a balance a reality that we can achieve?

What would a Real Housewife or Orange County, Atlanta, New Jersey or New York be like if she were to find that balance? Here are just 12 things she would realize if she were to find that balance in her life:

A Real Housewife would:

1. Maintain a healthy attitude about money.

2. Get over past relationships and not angry.

3. Discover her strengths and leverage them!

4. Let go of what she cannot change.

5. Embrace her imperfections!

6. Know that a smile is the best makeup!

7. Surround herself with nature.

8. Become "others" focused.

9. Dress with class and not follow trends.

10.Use injectable fillers sparingly.

11. Be truly and happy for others and not jealous.

12. Maintain a healthy weight and refuse to starve!

Let coach cassi help you to rediscover yourself and build a strong personal foundation so you can be the BEST YOU possible.

Become a Real Woman of Orange County, DC, Atlanta or New Your Today through our convenient tele-classes!

Classes starting on November 1st
www.cassistjames.com/group_coaching

The Best Places to Meet Singles in Orange County, CA

2010-04-22T17:07:00.000-07:00

Are you new in town or just searching for a new place to meet your perfect match?

There are several places to meet singles in Orange County, CA. Below are venues that we personally endorse. Some you may not even think of as singles venues, but at given times during the day, they become local hot spots.

Submit your favorite to us and we will add it to the list
service@diamondintroductions.com

Javiers Restaurant - Newport Coast
Mastro's Lounge - Newport Coast
Starbucks - Newport Coast
230 Forest Ave. Restaurant - Laguna Beach
The Rooftop Bar - Laguna Beach
The Watermarc Grill - Laguna Beach
Hush Restaurant - Laguna Beach
Wildfish Grill - Newport Beach
Bayside Restaurant - Newport Beach
St Regis Monarch Bay - "Seduction Thursday's" - Dana Point
AnQi Restaurant - South Coast Plaza - Thursday's

Stay connected at 949 magazine!
http://www.944.com/orangecounty/events/

Stars Without Make-Up

2010-04-11T07:18:00.000-07:00

So often we see images of models and celebrities looking flawless, no pores or blemishes and impossibly perfect! Here is another look at these normal women looking just like us without makeup. Exhale ladies! We all need a little help from Bare Minerals, MAC, and Cover Girl!

http://theberry.com/2010/04/05/celebs-without-makeup-a-return-to-normalcy-18-photos/

Orange County's Online Matchmaking Site- Validated Photos!

2010-04-09T12:10:00.000-07:00

Meet the REAL Singles of Orange County

Diamond Introductions. The only online matchmaking service where all members are met in person to validate photos and provide background checks!

Meet Orange County singles at our singles events, attend self-development seminars, work with a dating coach, revamp your personal image and more! Create your free profile today!

The Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion

2010-04-06T08:48:00.000-07:00

Coach cassi st. james gives thoughts on the OC Housewives for Season 6.
Catch Bravo TV's recap forn video footage.

I am sure by now you have caught up on the final episodes of the Real Housewives of Orange County. You may even be already immersed in the Real Housewives of New York! Let me press pause for a moment and share some thoughts on last season and what would be fabulous to see on season 6.

Notes from Coach Cassi

Seeing our Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion show really caused me to think deeply. Let's face it, after playing voyeur and peeking into the lives of the Housewives for so many seasons, I feel as though I know them. I feel like they have been so receptive to sharing, that If I ran into any one of the ladies at Starbucks, I would buy her a Frappachino (Skinny Girl Style, like the Margarita!) and share what would be great to see next season. For the record I have met and spoken to Vicki, Jeana, Alexis and Lynne. They are ALL very charming in person! So back to the coffee talk! Here is my "wish list" for next season.

Tamara Barney
Bravo to you for following through with your decision to leave your relationship. When you revealed that this was your plan several years ago, we were all shocked. Now that you are on your own, continue to reclaim your identity! Seeing a less stressed, more playful YOU would show more women that "YES, there is a better life after divorce." Come on in Ladies, the water is warm. Take my Self-Discovery class to get you going on your new life direction after divorce:
http://cassistjames.com/group_coaching

Alexis Bellino
It is obvious that your relationship with your husband works! I see that balance and know that much of what is on the show is taken out of context. Keep on being a great mom and wife! With that, search for something just for you that brings you joy! What is your passion or special talent that you can bring out and cultivate? It would be great to see those aspects brought out on the next show.

Lynne Curtin
I read your business updates on Facebook and am so happy to see that it is growing. It would be very motivating to take a behind the scenes look at all you do to make things happen! As for the kids, less emphasis on the "challenging" aspects of parenting would be nice. This season, perhaps focus on the positive aspects of your family, as we know there are many!

Vicki Gunvalson
You have an amazing business and a marriage built on stone. It would be great to see how you hold it all together: a booming business, a great marriage and wonderful family. You are a great role model for others and there is a valuable opportunity for so many women to learn from you. Maybe Bravo can show a retrospective on how you have built Coto Insurance from the ground up and even better...how you and Don have rebuilt your marriage!

Gretchen Rossi
You have overcome grief and moved into a happy place in life! You are also building your new make up line, Gretchen Christine Beaute. This season, let's move past the unflattering and unauthorized internet photos, emphasis on Slade, and dive into your new venture. You have been portrayed as a beautiful girl who has made bad choices. Show the world that beauty, brains and a strong work ethic are what Gretchen Rossi is all about.

Tips on Attending Singles Events like Meetup

2010-04-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

Five Ways to Be a Hit When Attending a Singles Event Alone
Going to a singles event such as a meetup alone can cause apprehension. Unlock the door to success with these five keys to attending your first singles event alone.
Read More

Meet singles in your area!
www.meetup.com

How to Attract Men

2010-04-06T07:14:00.000-07:00

Become an Instant Man Magnet!
Learn how to turn up your charm and become an instant man magnet. Beauty techniques from the inside out to attract men.
Read More

First Date Tips for Men

2010-03-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

Let's take a peek into the world of dating from the eyes of a female. After interviewing dozens of single women following an unsuccessful first date, I compiled a list of "first date turn-offs." For the online daters, in addition to the items below, obvious deal breakers included "not being truthful in online profiles" and "posting inaccurate pictures." So single guys, listen up and keep this list of first date turn-offs in mind and take note of the remedies on how to avoid them. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2799474/dating_tips_for_single_men_key_things.html?cat=41

Self-Discovery Workshop from Cassi st. james Coaching

2010-02-03T07:40:00.000-08:00

Strategies for Self-Direction and Personal Empowerment

Jump Start Your Life for 2010!

Embark on an exciting journey to design your ideal life!Reconnect with your values, create a more balanced life and take charge of your direction through self-discovery.

This 5-week program that focuses on building the strong core pillars of your life, to allow you to focus your actions and behaviors so you can accomplish more and achieve success. This "mini tune" up offers an opportunity to take a personality assessment to clue in on how your personality affects your communication style, and revisit your values and goals, then create a personal mission statement and action plan! This program is ideal for the person who has gone through personal change or is experiencing overwhelm and wants to re-energize her life and redirect her energy.

~ 5-week workshop begins on February 11th at 7pm pst. (60 min. call)

~ Dates: Feb 11, 18, 25, March 4, 11 (5 Consecutive Thursdays)

~ This teleconference style workshop is limited to 8 participants.

Registration Special! $175.00 (regularly $250.00) includes weekly e-mail check-in's

Contour the Face and look Fabulous!! MakeupGeek.com

2010-01-02T17:23:00.000-08:00

Unique Matchmaking Opportunity

2009-11-15T21:51:00.000-08:00

Diamond Introductions

Orange County's Exclusive Matchmaking Experience!

Launching December 2009!

Finally, end the frustration of dating and meet REAL marriage-minded singles ages 38+ living in South Orange County!

This is just a partial list of what you can expect:

No Surprises: Members have gone through background screenings and reference checks. All photos are authenticated and current.
Lively Profiles: All members have authenticated video bios to enhance their profile.
Service Options: As a member, you can browse profiles, and contact members on your own or we can conduct the matchmaking discretely on your behalf and arrange meetings for you!
Personal Development: Weekly Group coaching tele-conferences help you boost your dating success!
Social Events: Members can attend upscale mixers at fun venues in the South County area.
Concierge Service: Membership entitles you to preferred pricing on personal services such as hair design, fitness training, dentistry, and more.

To be added to the interest list, visit
visit http://www.diamondintroductions.com/

Dating Smart! How to End the Cycle of Random Dating

2009-09-28T18:12:00.000-07:00

Having dated “randomly” all of my adult life, I became frustrated when I couldn’t achieve the ideal relationship. I was unconsciously attracted to impossible relationships with unavailable (but really nice) men that were not ready for commitment. I am a strong Idealist (ENFP) and I tend to see just the good in everyone and get lost in future possibilities. I thought if I loved enough, gave enough of myself and showed what a great partner I would be, my non-committal boyfriends would love me enough to want to commit. I was wrong. Idealist’s are not all functioning as I was, but that was just the way my personality tendencies worked with me. So at 38, I decided to do something different, some fine tuning if you will, and came up with a plan to get out of my personal dating rut.

Pulling out my resources from the professional development programs I so eagerly delivered to corporate executives, I dove in and used the toolbox on myself. Gap analysis, visioning, mission statements and recruiting tools are not just for corporate. Any self-actualized person knows that!

Armed with a flip chart, some scented markers ( I love the grape!) and a little Dave Matthews blaring in the background, I went to work. I used my tools to figure out where the holes were in my life for the long term with a gap analysis. For those of you who are familiar with a gap analysis in corporate, using it in life can be a real eye opener!

After a few tears, and some a healthy realization that I was not perfect, I began to focus on creating my future. Using vision statements and mission statements, I set forth to write my life goals and relationship goals. Once this foundation was set, I would I be able to determine WHO I should choose to walk with me in my life. Only after I became clear about who I was and where I was going, could I make the right choices in my relationships. I could be proactive in my dating and feel confident enough to make the first move when necessary, as opposed to “waiting” for an invitation.

Shortly thereafter, I put myself out on an online dating service (again for the 2nd time!) and met my husband. If he were to have entered my life a few weeks prior, I would not have not recognized the great fit we were, and missed the love of my life. 8 years of togetherness and he is still the love of my life. Because of my success, I am both passionate and committed to showing others how they can have this same success for themselves.

Try out a sample of my programs in my free a convenient MP3 format now at www.blogtalkradio/cassistjames.com or contact me for your complimentary coaching session.
mailcassi@cassistjames.com

Celebrity Beauty Tricks for Glowing Skin!

2009-09-01T14:09:00.000-07:00

Glowing healthy skin is always in, especially in the summer. Have you ever wondered what your favorite celebrities do to make their skin “Red Carpet Ready?” Here are 5 beauty secrets and beauty treatments from the top stars that will get your complexion ready for the spotlight from head to toe. Best of all, these tricks of the trade are all affordable!

Getting the Glow – To keep her skin soft and bright, Jessica Biel’s favorite skin treatment is a sugar scrub. Jessica exfoliates her skin naturally by massaging her face with a mixture of granulated sugar and her skin cleanser. Other effective exfoliating agents are baking soda, which has a finer granulation. Mix this with your favorite skin cleanser and you can get the glow that Jessica is famous for.

Zap that Zit – When Jennifer Love Hewitt gets a sudden pimple, she gets it under control by applying a dab of mint toothpaste to the pimple before bedtime. By morning, the menthol in the toothpaste has reduced the swelling and helps the zit clear in no time.

Get a Sunkissed Glow All Over – Jennifer Aniston is a reported fan of Comodynes Self Tanning Towelettes to keep her famous skin glowing. These convenient single-use packets are great for all over tanning without the sun. Eight (8) towlettes are about $14.00.

Available at http://www.comodynes.net/

Flawless Leg Shimmer - Sarah Jessica Parker and the Sex and the City cast love RioBlush City Girl Firming Leg Shimmer. The product is not available in the US yet, but SJP gets her elongated and shimmery legs by applying a shimmery lotion (or loose shimmer powder) on the front part of her shins, along the bone from knees to ankles.

Feel the Need to Conceal - Brooke Shields knows that no matter how perfect our skin is, we still have the need to conceal. That’s why Brooke, along with other top celebs love AmazingConcealer by AmazingCosmetics. This waterproof product is a favorite because it will cover under eye circles, acne and tiny veins. Available at Sephora for about $42.00.

Visit these hot resources.

http://www.modelbeautytio.com/

http://www.celebrity-beauty-tip-goldmine.com/

Beauty Bitz: Create Fuller Pouty Lips with These Easy Tricks!

2009-08-19T08:43:00.000-07:00

Make your lips look instantly fuller without the use of expensive volumizing products. These steps are easy and promise to make your lips appear fuller instantly. This application uses the concept of light and dark. Light colors project, dark colors push things back or recede. You will want to create the illusion of 3-dimensional lips that project more!

Products and Tools You Will Need
~ Off-white or white lip liner
~ Earth toned lip liner
~ Matte lipstick in your desired shade
~ A pearlized lipstick or high quality gloss with shimmer
~ A lip brush
~ Tissue to blot

Start off with clean lips. This will be your last step after applying your foundation.

Step 1: Prime the Lip Line
Most of have an uneven lip line, or one that is not defined. Outline your lips with the off-white eye/lip pencil. This line will go just outside of your existing lip line. Next, smudge the line inward, towards your natural lip line. When finished, you will have lightly covered your existing lip line and are ready for the next step, the lip liner. Outlining the outside of your natural lip line in a light almost white tone will help you to do 2 things: make your lips project more and allow you to create a crisp lip line with your lip liner.

Step 2: Define
Line your lips with your earth tone lip liner. Be sure your pencil is sharpened. Once you have lined your lips, gently smudge the very inner edge inward, towards the center of your lips. This step bevels the edge and makes it soft. You do not want to make an obvious line that will stand out against your lipstick. At his point, the inside of your lips are bare and the lips just look defined and full. Depending on how far you feathered your lip liner inward, you may want to just fill your lips with the frosty gloss. For more color, move to the next step.

Step 3: Color
Using a lip brush (for precision and blending) apply a thin layer of color just up to, but not over the far edge of the lip liner. Feather this color to inward, keeping the very innermost part of the lips bare (your frosty gloss will go here) Tip: Remember, the lip liner will act as a barrier for bleeding and feathering, so be sure to keep the lipstick away from the far edge. Blot and reapply a second later for more intense color. At this point, the absolute center of your lips are still bare. No lipstick will end up your teeth.

Step 4: Highlight
With a clean lip brush, apply the frosted lipstick or gloss in the center of the bare lip, then feather outward, up to the lip color. You are calling attention to the center of your lips, highlighting the shape and increasing the look of fullness. Avoid applying gloss over the entire lip area, as this will make your lipstick feather.

Voila! Just like the celebs! Have a sexy day...Coach "cassi"

Dating Tips for Single Parents

2009-08-06T12:13:00.000-07:00

Summer is upon us and perhaps you are ready to venture back into the world of dating. Read on for some ideas to keep in mind as get you back into the swim of things.

1. Make Time to Meet New People: Keep the balance in your life and adjust your schedule to have open time to include a social life. If you keep your schedule filled 24/7, you will not have open time to meet new people or make social plans.

2. Keep to your Priorities and Limits: When you are out, always keep your priorities in check. It’s easy to lose track of time and stay out longer that you agreed to, or to venture out farther than expected. This is especially the case when you are out with people without children. Be sure to establish you limits up front and communicate them clearly so you keep on track.

3. Find Reliable Childcare: You have invested a great deal of time and love into your family. Identify reliable and trusted resources to watch your child while you are out for the evening. While your child may always be in your thoughts, the last thing you want to do is worry about your child’s well being when you are out.

4. Venture out into the world of Online Dating: Meeting people in bars may not be your ideal situation. Meeting your match online is one of the most popular ways to get back into the dating scene. Not only can you make connections from the privacy of your own home, but you can also capitalize on match screening steps “virtually.” This saves time on and money that you would normally spend on babysitting expenses.

5. Integrate your Children When it is Time: Think about the stage the relationship is in before introducing your children to your new partner. It may be confusing for the child to meet your partner too soon. It may also be overwhelming for your partner to be integrated into the family on the first few dates.

10 Must Have's for Your Shoe Wardrobe - Tips from a Self-Professed Fashionista

2009-06-16T09:41:00.000-07:00

We gals have it tough. We can have a wardrobe full of shoes and oftentimes, fall a bit short on selection. Have you ever looked in our closet, past the high heels and and boots, only to realize you don't have the right shoes for the situation? One dozen black heels, no flats. That makes going to the pier on a Saturday afternoon a little difficult. I should know, I've been there. Yes, I was the one on the San Clemente boardwalk in black stilettos, carefully walking, trying to avoid getting my heel caught between the planks. I admit, I was a little self conscious, but cursing anyway under by breath, "Why don't they make these boards closer together?"

My outfit made sense and I looked good in my fashionable jeans that needed at least a 4" heel so I would have that long-legged model look! Fashionable, yes, but was it the right costume for the day? Humm...Debatable.
So let me save all of us "self-professed fashionistas" a little time and cut to the chase. Looking great and feeling sexy doesn't always mean you must be adorned in high heels and restrictive clothing. Think about it; don't you kick off those heels once you get past the front door of your house? Hell, I usually ditch them in the car on my way there!

Take it from me, if you create a versatile shoe wardrobe that will adapt to the terrain, you will be a lot happier and not be such a slave to your looks.

A shoe wardrobe needs to have different functional themes. I will call these out in a way that makes sense: Elegant/Formal, Professional, Sexy Weekend, Contemporary/Leisure, Sporty, Athletic, and last but not least, Professional.

Elegant/Formal - (1 pair) Think of a black tie affair, cocktail party, or a wedding. These are usually a thin, strappy, high heeled sandal. These can be adorned with rhinestones and be made of metallic leather or black cloth. Silver toned leather is a great choice and looks very elegant with rhinestones. If you want to be versatile, you can skip the rhinestones and do a black snakeskin. This choice can easily be worn during the weekend for a night out on the town

Sexy Weekend - (2-3 pairs) When you think of sexy, Don't you think of open toes, or at least major "toe cleavage," and a high heel? If you are going out with the girls dancing, be sure your heels are not too high. About 3" or so. Save the 4" heels for a dinner date. As far as color, black is a must for both pairs. Take a look at your sexy weekend clothes, which I imagine are usually fun dresses or sexy pants. Choose the major color theme and choose an additional color, such as smoky grey or a bold color, such as red! If you do go with color, a strappy sandal would be more versatile. There is less shoe material, therefore the color won't shout.

Contemporary/Leisure - ( 2-pairs ) In this category, you are wearing jeans, a sundress, casual summer skirt, or cotton trousers, even shorts. If you are on a date, it is usually a daytime situation, such as a movie, museum, a trip to the outdoor mall, or beach area. What this calls mostly for is a fatter more chunky heel and thicker sole for better support and comfort when walking short distances. You could go with a closed toe, peep toe or sling back. Additionally, mules would fit in this group. You can go crazy with the colors and materials, even the height. I suggest a neutral color in a medium heel and a darker color in a higher heel. Make sure one pair shows our cute toes!

Sporty - (2-pairs) For sporty occasions, think flip flops. No heels. If you do wear a rise ( I dare not call it a "heel") check out Aerosoles brand or This would also be a pair of sneakers, such as Sketchers or Keds. If you are cringing here and think, "Not me, no way?" here is where you will be tripped up the most. Most women lack functional footwear. I can remember walking around in my "Contemporary/Leisure" wedges, when I desperately needed to wear my "Sporty's." One such occasion happened in Las Vegas. My husband needed to rescue me out of my shoes get me a pair of shoes at the Walking company. I have included their link so you can get a feel for their wonderful functional style. A definite must!
http://www.thewalkingcompany.com/?gclid=CLq_tNmqj5sCFRINDQodFy20oA

Athletic - (1 pair) For the gym or outdoor sports, like hiking, you will definitely need cross trainers. So think of foot locker for this one. If you run, than you will need the extra shock absorption feature of a running shoe. Anything goes as far as color here, but I choose a neutral and build my work out gear around them, as a true Fashionista would!

Professional - ( 2-4 pairs) In this category, I am referring to shoes you would wear with career clothes or what you would wear for a job interview. This is my least favorite category, since I was confined to this role for some time. Not only are the shoes confining, but the clothes are as well. I don't think I need to say a lot here, except in an interview or corporate casual job, you are better off with closed shoes or slingbacks with a peep toe. I'll just throw this in as well: if your shoes (or clothes) look like you can go to a club or to the beach and fit right in, second guess your choice. No guideline for quantity here, but it is nice to have 4-pairs of shoes to trade off in for a 5-day work week.

Ok, so I have given you my "expert opinion," or just sharing ideas on what has worked for me. It seems as though 10 pairs of shoes would make up a "bare bones" shoe wardrobe for a city gal. What...am I crazy? I must have done my calculations incorrectly! I have never known any woman to have less than 30 pairs! Oh well, I hope this overview has served as a guideline to do your "Shoe inventory" or at the very least, given you an excuse to go shopping!

Revealing Conversation Starters for a First Date!

2009-06-08T09:57:00.000-07:00

Open-ended Questions to Get Your Date Talking!

Conversation is an art. It is a dance of give and take. Conversation is a two-way exchange of ideas that allows people to reveal themselves as little or as much as they choose. The messages sent comes through in what people consciously say, through the tone of voice used, the pace or cadence of speech, and through body language. All of these facets come together to tell a story about the other person.

We tend to talk about what matters most to us. Much is revealed about the other person...and ourselves, through the focus of the conversation. For example, if a person continually brings the topic back to money, you can assume that money is a value they hold near and dear. Other clues to a person are revealed in what they don't say, or clearly avoid discussing. You may want to read between the lines for these clues as well.

Do you want to get the conversation going with some meaningful dialogue? Here are some creative questions to ask your date that are fun and thought provoking, but reveal hints regarding character and values. Don't forget the "give and take" component of the conversation. Be sure to share your responses with your date.

Hypothetical:

1 - If you could do anything you wanted to do for 24 hours, what would you do? Money is no object!

2 - What would you do if you won 10 million dollars in the state lottery?

3 - If you could learn one thing (play an instrument, language, sport), what would that be? Why?

4 - If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, living or dead, who would that be? Why?

Real Life:

5 - What do you like the most about your profession or job?

6 - You said in your online profile / on the phone that you liked to do __________. Can you tell me more about that? How did you get into it?

7 - l always draw a blank when friends visit out of town and I play tour guide. Where should I suggest they go in the area? What are some of your favorite spots?

8 - What is your take on the "Random Acts of Kindness" movement taking hold? Have you ever experienced a random act of kindness as either a giver or receiver?

Summary:
Listen to what is being said. There are hints regarding the values and life focus of the other person that will come through in the answers! Things to listen for:

Are the answers "others" focused or "self-centered"

What do they like to do for fun?

Talents or abilities

Life focus/goals (career success, relationships, recreation)

Spirituality

Create your own questions that target in on the things that matter most to you.

Letting Go of an Unfulfilling Relationship

2009-05-21T15:06:00.000-07:00

So you're in a relationship, and it's not so much fun anymore. And those little tiffs, well they just happen a bit too often. You may find yourself thinking of your single days and how much fun you had, or calling up the girls more frequently than usual for a night out. Bottom line, togetherness is just not all it's cracked up to be and his cute little habits now annoy the hell out of you! What is happening!!?? You just can't put your finger on it, but you are thinking of getting out before he asks for his own drawer. You know there's something better for you, but you just can't figure out what. Open up to the fact that you may be in the first stage of letting go and moving on. But don't fret! Read on sister, for some inspiration and hope that everything will turn out all right!

The C.A.S.S.I™ cycle signifies the the 5-point journey to finding your ideal partner. These steps involve key actions for self-discovery, taking action to identify traits your ideal partner should possess, then the process of making a decision on the person. The 5-steps of your journey are Complacency, Awareness, Strategy, Selection, and Intuition. Once you move through this process, you are on your way to evoking change and finding your ideal partner.

Complacency

We often feel complacent when a situation has become unfulfilling to us. This feeling is the initial signal of the need for change. You must let go of things in your life in order to make room for the something new. That can cause fear at first because it means you will move into the unknown. Sometimes, the initial fear will cause you to stay where you are and resist change. You may stay in a job that is not satisfying because you fear you will not find another. You may stay in a less than happy relationship because you are afraid you will not find someone else. In both examples, you bargain with yourself and reason: "well, maybe this is as good as it gets."

At this point of dissatisfaction, you know you don't like where you are, and you know you should make a change, or you want to make a change, but you can't really pinpoint what it is that is making you unhappy in your situation. So you stay and hope it gets better, and perhaps take some of the blame on yourself. Remember, you must let go of some things in your life in order to make room for the something new. You are in the discovery phase.

Awareness

You know you want to change, but you are unaware of what it is that is making you dissatisfied. First, get in touch with who you really are. Identify your key drivers or motivators, values, preferences and core needs. Second, create a vision and goal for the ideal situation/relationship.
Next, compare what you have now (the current state) with your ideal vision or goal (desired state). BINGO! You have identified the gaps! You can now see where the job or relationship is not aligned with your values or long term goals, needs, etc. No wonder you were not happy! You have a clear picture of why it is not working. Awareness is the key motivator to change. Now you are aware and motivated to move forward to something new (your ideal vision or goal). You can articulate a reason why "it is just not working." You will also find it helpful to look back and identify past behavior patterns. Now that you have a clear picture of the gaps in your situation and an ideal vision and goal of where you want to be, letting go will be easier. You have a destination! You are still in the discovery phase.

Strategy

You want to change, you are aware of what needs to change and have a clear vision and goal for your ideal state. Now, how do I get there? This is the strategy piece, or the how. How will I find my ideal mate, my ideal job. Your strategy to get what you want will consist of creating solid criteria that potential dates must meet and a plan for where to find him. First, let's focus on the criteria piece. The criteria you create will be based upon your values, needs and goals. Your criteria is a "checklist" to help you set boundaries in your life and to help you decide what to move towards or move away from. Creating a solid list of criteria when evaluating potential dates is critical, or you will continue to date in a random way.

Example: Your "Ideal Relationship" might consist of requirements such as marriage, children, solid financial underpinnings, outdoor sports, spirituality, and life in Southern California. The "Ideal Partner" to fit that role would be a man who MUST: be marriage minded, wants children, has a solid job that does not require a lot of travel, he is fit and does not abuse any substances, and does not want to relocate. These criteria will serve as a filter or "gatekeeper" for all of the people and things that come your way. When you implement your dating strategy, it will include criteria for screening out anyone not meeting ALL of your "must have" criteria. If he misses one, he is automatically out, no matter how handsome, successful or charming he may be. Again, if a man does not meet all of your "must have" criteria, do not bend no matter how handsome, successful or charming he may be. Reflect on the criteria you created for your ideal relationship and realize that he is not right for you.

The second part of your creating your strategy is developing a dating plan. Simply put, how will you meet your potential dates? Where will you go? Will you involve your network of friends, use speed dating, online dating, join a special interest club? Think about where this type of person would be and put yourself there. You will also want to think about how you will introduce yourself once you see a potential date. You are in the Action phase.

Selection

You now have a strategy consisting of a solid list of criteria for evaluating your potential mates and a plan on where to go to meet him. As you place yourself in venues for meeting others, you use this "selection tool" or criteria list to uncover information about the other person. Do they meet your criteria or not? You do this by asking open questions, listening to what is being said and even reading between the lines for what is not being said. Through the "art of conversation", you can weave your questions in to quickly tell a great deal about a person. Remember, what we talk about most is a clear reflection of what we value. Also, observe how the person behaving? Look at body language and general actions the person takes.

Through artful questioning and behavioral clues, you can quickly determine if that first meeting will turn into a second, or perhaps a third. Just like job interviews, selection has several tiers. In fact, strategy and selection steps are similar to what I have used in Human Resource recruiting. You are still in the Action phase.

Intuition

Oftentimes, despite all of the data we collect, the observations we make, intuition tells our truth, gives us our answer. Intuition is that insight that comes from the unconscious mind. It is that pulling inside or that "gut feeling." We often call it "that little voice." Have you ever trusted your intuition, in spite of all other information you had in front of you, and found you were right? How about the occasions when you ignored it, that "red flag" that told you on day one that the job would not work for you, or the relationship was not right? Were you on target? Decide the strength of your intuition based upon experiences and weigh it into your selection process. You are in the Decision phase, ready to decide if you want to move forward with the relationship or not. If not, you go back to the selection phase.

For more in-depth tools on how to find your ideal partner, take my free 4-part audio series on my website: http://www.cassistjames.com/

First Signs your Date is Not Relationship Ready

2009-05-18T11:11:00.000-07:00

Is your date "Relationship Ready? How do you know that some of the behaviors you are witnessing are not just the result of "new date jitters?" If you are looking for a long-term relationship, you will want someone who is "relationship ready" as well. If you are like most of us, you would want to look for someone who is free from past relationships and who is taking care of the critical areas of his/her life.

After interviewing numerous men and women and recalling some of my own major "deal breakers", here is a list of the top things to watch out for, on the forst few dates signaling that your date is not relationship ready.

Your Date is Not Emotionally Available or Serious Minded.

• They talk repeatedly about their Ex or past relationships: are they over the relationship yet?
• They broke up very recently: has your date had other relationships since the break-up or are you one of their first dates? They may be unable to move on and begin a new relationship if still in the "recovery mode."
• Your date seem commitment phobic: have they really had a serious relationship or have they had a string of short-lived ones.
• He/she makes sexual innuendos and wants to take to you bed (rememeber, we are talking about the first few dates): no question here, this is not the best way to start a long term relationship. Your date obviously does not want to get to know who you are first.

Your Date Comes off as Self-Centered / Rude.

• He/she acts disinterested: avoiding eye contact, not engaging in conversation, looking over your shoulder, looking at his BlackBerry, etc.?
• Your date talks about themself, not asking anything about you: are you struggling to get airtime in the conversation? Does he/she boast about how much money they make or their accomplishments? Its al about "Me Me Me." This may be a signal of selfishness, even insecurity.
• He/she answers calls during your date: unless your date is a brain surgeon, this is a sign of disrespect of your time and that this date is not a priority.
• Your date is not ready on time or arrives late (past your personal threshold) and offers no excuse: this in itself may not be a "deal breaker, but could be, if he/she is showing other signs of being disinterested.

Your Date is not on Top of his/her Personal Business.

• Ladies, on a first date, he has you pay the entire bill: any way you look at this one, on a first date, it is inconsiderate and a sign of a shortage on funds.
• His/her credit card is declined: it could be that a payment has been forgotten, but may be signs of overspending if your date has a flashy watch, expensive car, and talks about extravegant hobbies/lifestyle. Those things are nice, but are a red flag if his card is maxed out.
• Your date arrives in a beat up car that is in need of major body work: a sign that he/she lacks collision insurance for his car or has no available funds for repairs.

Your Date May Have Substance Abuse Issues.

• Your date is drinking excessively or arrives after having a few drinks under their belt: does he/she show signs of having a drinking problem or any substance abuse problem?
• He/she makes several trips to the restroom and returns appearing under the influence (talks quickly, slurred speech, too energetic/hyper, sweaty, dilated pupils, etc.)

He /she is Dishonest.

• Your date confesses (or you find out) they were less than truthful about anything critical they told you personally or indicated in their online dating profile: age, marital status, living arrangements, children, job, physical appearance, etc. It begs to question: "What else are they holding back?"