Here’s my recent Walgreens haul:

• generic kleenex
• hair dye
• Fem HRT prescription (I will let you look that up).

Other than, say a 24-hour Web cam on you at all times, could there be anything more intimate than emptying the contents of your shopping bag for all of humanity to see?

If this were my very first blog post, you’d be able to make some good guesses about me. Vain? Check. Aging? Check. Unconcerned with kleenex appearances, check.

Hauls are that alluring combination of the best reality TV shows: At once banal, but with enough of a vouyeristic edge to keep you watching, or at least periodically checking in while you’re doing something else. Why? Check out this update from Marketplace Money, which clues in the geriatric set. It links to a YouTube haul parody by a listener.

Do you hate her just a little bit for being uncomfortably like you?

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• Payments due the same date each month.
• No double-billing.
• 45-day notification of rate or other significant changes.
• No interest rate increase for the first 12 months (excluding variable-rate cards, the expiration of teaser rates, and delinquent payments).

But we’ll also see an increase in interest rates, annual fees, “processing” fees, and even — lookout — fees for inactivity on accounts.

The most intriguing change will be the minimum-calculation math. In new statements we’ll see a chart showing how long it will take to pay off a balance forking over only the minimum, how much interest we’ll pay over that time period, and how much we could save paying a higher monthly bill. (It will tell us how much to pay in in order to pay off the account in three years.)

One of the most important rule changes is that credit issuers now have to allocate any money above the minimum payment toward the highest-rate balance first. So if your minimum payment is $100 and you send $150, that $50 will go to balances you might have for convenience checks or cash withdrawals — whichever rate is highest.

To get around this rule change, said one issuer I talked to last month, many will increase the amount of interest used to calculate the minimum payment. Check out this Bankrate calculator to see what I mean: Instead of calculating the minimum as APR plus 1% of balance, he said, many will add 2% to 5% instead.

In July, issuers are supposed to include information on how all interest rates are calculated on accounts and how they affect our payments.

Count on one thing staying the same: Doesn’t the man always get his money.

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Turns out it’s not so easy to figure out. Whether or not the threats are legal depends on the identity of the caller. If Capital One has charged off his debt to a third party, that party may not have recourse in court, and my friend may be able to report this party as engaging in illegal activity under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act (FDCPA).

However, if Capital One is using an in-house agency or employees, it is not a violation of that act. (Because under the law, they’re not recognized as debt collectors. Nice.)

There are reports all over the Internet from people being sued by or otherwise in collections hell with Capital One, and at least one attorney general is paying attention — Capital One Bank, a subsidiary of Capital One Financial Corp., has just been served in West Virginia for fraudulent and deceptive collections practices.

What should you do in a situation like this?

• Be cool, baby. Say little, admit nothing.
• Request their identity, contact information and address.
• Get their demands in writing.
• Contact an attorney. Check out the National Association of Consumer Advocates.
• Also see Caveat Emptor, a great Twin Cities-based consumer rights blog, and Debt Collection Answers, another lawyer-based blog.
• Keep documentation. (My friend is going to be recording all of this debt collector’s calls.)

UPDATE: If you settle for less than you owe, plan to pay taxes on any forgiven amount of more than $600.

My friend promises updates, so stay tuned. We’ll be rooting for you!

UPDATE: He settled with Capital One in order not to be sued. He wasn’t thrilled with the terms of the deal.

As for Capital One, those pirates always did give me the creeps.

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Undisputed Need: A new computer proper with the latest souped-up hard drive and OS with wireless router/backup drive. Our current desktop is sloooow and Internet access is tethered.

Yet many wants have somehow come to seem more urgent, even as the pace of change manages to threaten the whole pile with obsolescence as soon as they’ve burst their bubble wrap. To wit:

The iPhone/Droid/Tablet Conundrum

Pro: Even though AdAge says only 17 percent of us own smartphones, they seem somehow to have become indispensable, if for no other reason than to be able to text your every thought to your friends. When I’m at my computer, I’m working (like now, obviously!), and I’m not nearly as in the loop with what my friends are up to on Facebook as I’d like to be. I wish I were kidding. Mock me if you will, but you know I’m right. The Web is going (has gone) mobile, and I don’t want to be left behind.

Major Con: Who wants to pony up hundreds of dollars for iPhones, plus about $100 a month to actually use them on AT&T, which already can’t handle the load? Or buy a Droid whose “support” staff is a Google e-mail address? Or a Blackberry that can’t do all the fun stuff? With Kindle trying to get Smart with apps, and the fabled Tablet that had better replace our cars for all the hype it’s getting, it’s a scary time to commit.

The Cable/Phone/DSL/DirecTV Conundrum

There are no pros here, only one big con by an industry whose consolidation prevents real competition, and thus price drops, and also the kinds of packages/services we’d like to see. For instance, DSL is so slow (just heard the U.S. ranks 18th worldwide in Internet speed) that it should not properly be called broadband. We have DirecTV, which requires a phone line and thus DSL for Internet, because we heard such terrible things about Comcast. And we like DirecTV.

(Could we ditch DSL Internet service, get cable Internet, and keep DirecTV for what we’re paying now? I have no idea, but I suspect no. My husband tried researching some of this the other day, but it’s like trying to win a shell game.)

The barrier to switching just to get better Internet speed through cable is high, being unable to reliably compare apples to apples in monthly costs, and we’d have to start over by buying another receiver box.

“Maybe we should just get rid of DirecTV,” I said, picturing us Netflixing or downloading any TV shows we’d miss. Not only is this unrealistic, of course, but also would shut off another channel to the world, and one of the few these days that offers any modicum of shared experience.

It’s not just me who feels the strain. Josh Bernoff (AdAge DigitalNEXT) succinctly captures the growing pain moment we’re in, waiting for the long-heralded convergence of technologies and instead getting what he calls the Splinternet, where, he says, proprietary technology will separate us more than ever.

Meanwhile, as Prince said: “‘Til I find the righteous one, computer blues.”

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http://tinyurl.com/yeobdj4

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Digital detritus, too, has been painstakingly banished from my computers. Finally having the time to reorganize things that just kept getting pushed aside after baby number two — yes, for nearly three years — has been a much-needed psychic lift.

In that spirit, I’ve been reflecting on what worked, moneywise, and what didn’t in 2009:

Go

• Budgeting worked in 2009. Simply being mindful of our limits for major categories really did stop us from overspending, and put the pedal to savings.
• My mindset has improved. I no longer worry about spending money because I know where we stand.
• We’re more creative in reusing what we already have, or putting off or scrapping purchases altogether. We think before we spend.

Stop

• I’m sorry to say that for me, time banking didn’t work at all. Trading time instead of money for services is a great idea. But in practice, I couldn’t deliver. As Murphy would predict, people called on me when I would gladly have paid money to buy more time for myself. So nix to this for 2010.

Restart

Of course, budgeting is only as good as one’s habits, which, of late, have lapsed. Life getting in the way, etc.

But we plan to plan. Plan on it.

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I’m happy to see a new book, “The Art of Giving: Where the Soul Meets a Business Plan” take on these questions. Here’s a short Marketplace Money interview with the authors.

Because I haven’t read it yet, though, I have more questions.

• Does your money make more of an impact if you keep it local?
• Do you make more of an impact giving to all like causes — e.g., Veterans only, or women’s education?
• Should your giving change over time?
• Is there a threshold under which giving actually costs an organization money?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and maybe I can round up some sources who can take a shot at answering these questions for a future post.

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Him, holding up another carefully washed out yogurt tub: “How many times have we gone over this — does this container have a screw top?”

Me: “Um … oh. Oh yeah.”

Our county’s full-color glossy brochure posted on the side of our fridge helpfully itemizes and depicts the items that can and cannot be left for pickup. It couldn’t be more clear. For some reason, though, the illness I feel at the thought of throwing them away wipes out this knowledge, and, look, it’s Groundhog Day!

So, while I make lunches and ruminate on the possibilities of growing our own food, making our own yogurt, worm composting, and not adding to the plastic bag island in the sea, these little things cheer me:

1. One sandwich wrap sold by my son’s school that also acts as a place mat. (The sales pitch was horrifying and funny: “They take a mop to clean the tables in between lunch shifts, and they use the same water…” You had me at mop.)

2. Two sandwich-shaped boxes that we use every single day to hold, yes, sandwiches, and also apple slices and what have you. I get positively giddy over how perfectly the bread tucks into its container, and how easy they are for little fingers to open. (Control issues? I prefer to look at it as an appreciation of good design.)

3. Mesh bags. Although my former cherry tomato bag (not pictured) has mysteriously disappeared over disagreements about its hygienic qualities. I have looked for small mesh bags at Target and fabric stores, but so far can’t find them sold as containers in and of themselves, without the potpourri, for instance. I’m sure someone else has thought of this, right? If you’ve seen them, please tell!

They are not perfect solutions — reusable, yes, but perhaps not so recyclable once they’ve worn themselves out. But they’re studier than, say, parchment paper, and have also helped us cut way, way back on ziplock bags and plastic wrap.

And they make me remember that it’s always the little things that matter most.

UPDATE: Slate’s “Green Lantern” tells you what to do if you forget your recycling rules.

UPDATE: Ask and receive: Resusablebags.com, which is going to be getting my business for its lunch bags asap.

UPDATE for Minneapolis folks, from my friend Liz:

For #5 plastic: http://www.preserveproducts.com/recycling/gimme5locations.html

For lots of different kinds of plastics: http://www.eastsidefood.coop/content/plastics-recycling-eastside

Wrap-N-Mat

I Wonder Where the Sandwich Is?

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Whereas my husband can walk into a store and buy a long-sleeved dress shirt appropriate to the season, women’s dressy clothes are puzzle pieces that must be assembled. Long-sleeved shirts, when you can find them, come with cute eyelet fasteners, making the sweater hang well, but necessitating a layer either under or over it to cover otherwise exposed flesh.

Far more popular are sleeveless dress blouses — incomplete, of course (brr!) without a sweater or jacket. That’s two to three layers against my husband’s simple shirt, and we haven’t yet considered other accessories, like that scarf that ties it all together.

This season retailers have gotten even bolder about charging by the piece. “I know, we’ll sell the ruffles for ruffled blouses separately!” No joke: Banana Republic.

What’s a girl to do?

This girl, if you haven’t heard about the uniform project (one dress, 365 days) got creative. Yet her project, which relies on donations of accessories to ensure she never looks the same twice, is the exception that proves the rule. It’s never just one dress.

The sale rack (I hit one last night that blared “$19.99 and up.” Way up. I saw not one $19.99 blouse on that rack), free shipping and the ubiquitous “save 10 percent if you open the store charge card” try to obscure the fact that good clothes are not cheap, and that a woman who achieves the everyday miracle of well-fitting, just-right dress-up outfits either obtained them through very hard work (spending hours on sales reconnaisance, thrifting, etc.) or is not telling you the truth about how much they cost. Because of course to admit that you paid full price is the biggest fashion faux pax of all.

All of this sounds grinchy grump, I know. I think she doth protest…and it’s true. I do. I like clothes, I like buying them, especially now that I’m old enough to know exactly what I like. I especially love when I do score that perfect piece for less, so much less, than it’s worth to me. There is a real, tangible, psychic value to feeding the sartorial side.

But enough with the obfuscation about cost — let’s leave that to the retailers.

Here is my gift to you this season. If you compliment what I’m wearing, I will not say, “Thanks, it only cost me a dollar at a garage sale!” If I’m feeling nice, I will simply say thank you. If I’m feeling naughty, I’ll tell you the truth: “Thanks. It cost quite a bit, more than I wanted to pay. But I love it. And I’ll be wearing it for a long, long time.”

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At that time, the goal was a cushion of $5,000 in savings — a base camp, if you will, from which to mount a demolition job on K2: $17,500. It seemed impossible, and in the mad scramble it was hard to see the progress we were making.

But I’m happy to report that somehow, all of this effort seems to be working.

Mount Savings

Total projected savings for year-end 2009 is: $31,085.

K2

We plan to send the credit cards $10,000 in the new year.

Hear the explosion. Feel the quake and shudder. Revel in the debris raining down as the mountain staggers.

Notice how I have not put the numbers in boldface.

As they say, man plans, God laughs. I knock my pressed wood desk. From, for now, the safety of a higher base camp.

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