It is with great pride that we are able to share with you the first grumbling evidence of the stalled machinery surrounding CARDIACS beginning to twitch and stumble into life before your loyal but sometimes, one might say, disbelieving eyes.

We therefore take this timely opportunity to announce that from this day forwards CARDIACS recorded material will begin to be made available for purchase in its entirety from ITUNES, a well known online retail outlet of repute.

The uploading of the complete back catalogue of albums has begun and soon will be complete.

We consequently must INSIST that you avail yourselves of this convenience and make full use of the following electrophonic code sequential address at your earliest promptitude.

Click here to open iTunes
(requires iTunes installed on your computer)

Alternatively if you have iTunes simply select iTunes Store and search for “Cardiacs”

With regard to the non availability of goods and the future of merchandise direct from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN by way of our official web site, let us attempt to quell your fears.

The online merchandising arrangements will soon be back in place. This will be of great relief to those eager to fill their greedy fists with our considerable range of quality goods and merchandising items, and we anticipate its return well in time for the festive period.

The reasons for the removal of this facility over the past months is of no concern to you.

Yet suffice it to say that once certain accountancy issues have been addressed, it will be only a short while until normal service is resumed.

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN thanks you for your patience in this matter and looks forward to once again delivering the exemplary service to which you had become accustomed.

With Respect

Young Sally Morgan has taken upon herself the HEROIC task of participating in the GREAT NORTHERN RUN as a means of raising money to
further the causes of that fine establishment THE BRITISH NEUROLOGICAL RESEARCH TRUST.

We therefore have deemed it appropriate that YOU follow the Electronic address link gateway below and that YOUR LOYALTY DEMANDS a generous donation by way of sponsorship of this splendid cause so selflessly undertaken by our beloved Sally.

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN wishes her all the success required and we know that YOU will be joining us with those heartfelt wishes.

This is where one needs to travel on the wireless highway to:

http://www.justgiving.com/Sally-Morgan

With Respect

One complete year on from Tim Smith’s ‘accident’, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN is only too aware that since its previous gloomy news bulletin there have purposely been no further updates. In this time YOU have been both patient and respectful to the family of YOUR IDOL and to those so called friends with whom he keeps regular counsel. If rumour and tittle-tattle have reached the collective ear of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN then we have seen fit neither to extinguish nor fan their ugly flames.
 
It is at this time, then, that THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has chosen to clarify the CURRENT situation
At the time of his cardiac arrest Tim Smith effectively died. Resuscitation allowed his passage back from that world of mists and spirits to this one of foetid edges and filth, but upon re-entering this VALE OF TEARS it became apparent that he had suffered a terrible brain injury from the inability of his faltered heart to supply its regular goodness in the quantities required to sustain a healthy condition within his brainbox.

Quite what the sickly lad experienced over the course of the remaining months of 2008 remains largely unclear. He claims at one point to have been surrounded by ‘cheap microphones’ while at other times that he was visited by ‘multiple cigarette smoking’ friends whilst languishing in a ‘cafe that served exquisite fruit juice’ all set within a ‘beautiful surreal landscape of rivers and curtains’.
In keeping with our reputation as The HONEST Concern, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can state categorically that none of these constructs was of our making.

Since the accident Tim Smith’s body has become his enemy. He is in a great deal of pain and is experiencing difficulty with the finer points of control with regard to his extremities so obviously perfected prior to the unhappy event, but Tim Smith, his family and those so called friends, (with whom he keeps counsel), all assert that his mind, however, has been sharpened by the episode. THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can confirm that no part of YOUR favourite pop star’s intellect or personality has been found to be absent WHATSOEVER.

So where does that leave CARDIACS and where does that leave YOU?

At this point Tim Smith can neither sing nor play his guitar. THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, in keeping with its enviable reputation as THE REALISTIC CONCERN, can state that it is extremely unlikely that CARDIACS will perform live for the foreseeable future. THIS IS NOT, IT MUST BE NOTED, THE END OF CARDIACS. YOU must once again be patient before events can reveal themselves as foodstuffs for YOUR greedy little mouths.

Unlike the so-called prescient ways of that, at best, ‘cosmic chancer’ Nostradamus, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN claim no ’second sight’, therefore it would be mere folly to muse upon how future events may unfold. Tim Smith’s condition permits no such speculation, but there is in his own words ‘A glimmer of anticipation . . . Quite a glimmer.’ And it is to give that glimmer the oxygen that it requires to become the roaring flame we all need to warm our clammy flesh, that he is participating in the trials and tribulations required within the system of neurological rehabilitation where he is making many small but positive inroads into his recovery. We are therefore left in no doubt that it is a long and arduous road beset with many trips and stumbles along the way that has yet to be travelled.

In respect of the awful events of last year, much of the machinery surrounding your favourite group, CARDIACS, had ground to a halt. In honour of YOUR patience, YOU will observe the cogs begin to turn and the pistons sputter to life once more. THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN will soon make available to YOU the goods and artefacts YOU so hungrily crave.

Tim Smith and it goes without saying, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, would like to thank all of YOU who have sent him YOUR kind thoughts and beautiful words and indeed in a few thankfully rare cases, your daubs and photos. They have all been gratefully received where appropriate and both Tim and ourselves would encourage you all to continue with your correspondence.

With Respect

We apologise wholeheartedly for this unavoidable action and also for any delay in letting you know of our decision. Any delay has been necessary in order to assure that all promoters and their hirelings have been made aware of this decision in advance to facilitate early redemption of any ticketing refunds as and when required.

On a more positive note. THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has now provided a unique and encouragingly entitled special electrophonic code sequential address for the exclusive use of YOU the faithful to send your well wishes, uplifting verse or whatever you decide to encourage the earliest recovery of young Tim.

This is the facility you shall use and only this to ensure that your messages reach the sickly lad.

positivevibes@cardiacs.com

We will of course be certain to deliver to him those messages we deem appropriate at the appropriate time.

With respect

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN

In order to quash any rumours and idle tittle-tattle amongst the faithful we find it appropriate at this time to furnish you with the necessary information to perhaps remove the worried furrows from the brows of the more hysterical amongst you..

On 25th June Tim collapsed and found himself the unfortunate victim of, ironically, a cardiac arrest. Thanks to the skill and dedication of those heroes of the streets, the paramedic service he was speedily ensconced within the caring hands of the National Health Service where he was treated by expert medical staff and thankfully he is now making a recovery. There is no longer any danger to his life and he is improving every day though we must caution that there is a long road ahead.

Needless to say we are sure you all wish him a speedy recovery and in keeping with our reputation as the caring concern, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN will soon be facilitating a method of sending him your personal messages of goodwill on our Web site www.cardiacs.com which is sure to cheer both him and his fellow CARDIACS no end.

Needless to say, all further information will be generously furnished by THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN as and when we see fit and we hasten to add that YOUR LOYALTY DEMANDS the utmost respect for his nearest and dearest and that no attempts to gather any more information be made of them during this most fretful of times.

With respect

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN

There now follows an announcement from

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, as a trusty conduit to keep YOU abreast of developments, can report that CARDIACS have once again deigned to raise their sour heads over the parapet and perform a series of shows in the UK later this year.
The tour dates follow this announcement.
 
The eagle-eyed among the loyal may care to note that the second show is in the city of Glasgow.
 
Glasgow is in Scotland.
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has always kept CARDIACS in check with a tried and tested punishment / reward system.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN sees no reason to change that.
CARDIACS have, as per usual, been asked to perform certain tasks recently.
Your favourite group’s lack of communication does little to encourage THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
Members of CARDIACS have been sighted publicly carrying themselves in such a way as to tarnish the reputation of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.

Punishments will be swift and fair.

CARDIACS ON TOUR

NOVEMBER 2008

13 NOVEMBER YORK FIBBERS
The Stonebow, Unit 8/12, Stonebow House, York, YO1 2NP 08700 600 100
www.fibbers.co.uk/ticketline

Regarding Cardiacs, and a gentle word in YOUR ear from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN:
 
Cardiacs will NOT be performing exactly the same set on every night of the forthcoming tour.
  
What that might mean is of no concern to you.
  
YOU, as ever, are STRONGLY ADVISED to buy YOUR tickets in advance.
 
As YOU will be aware, there are “those out there” involved in booking Cardiacs concerts, hungry for a “quick buck”, that overtly doubt YOUR loyalty to YOUR favorite group. Naysayers in the so called “music business" that would have YOUR FAVORITE GROUP banished from their dank halls if they can’t have their filthy lucre NOW! NOW! NOW!
  
While THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN would normally suggest you ignore these TORMENTORS, in this case we must demand that YOU bite that ‘rusty bullet’ and placate their weak, palsied hearts and buy your tickets IN ADVANCE.
 
Disappointment looms for the ’slack hearted’ confident of swanning in ticket less, YOUR entry may prove difficult.
 
While this forthcoming Cardiacs tour will find YOUR beloved Cardiacs enjoying many of the beautiful enclaves of this Mainland Britain, Cardiacs will NOT be performing in Scotland.
 
Word has been received by THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN of disquiet ‘North of The Border’ regarding Cardiacs paucity of shows in that region.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN wish to make it clear that little or no offence is intended. Cardiacs will only play venues they are booked to perform at.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN feel it would be both wasteful and folly for Cardiacs to attempt to perform at a venue they had not been booked to perform at.
It might even be illegal.
 
YOU may wish to jot the following text into your diary, a helpful shorthand note, abbreviated for YOU with kindness by THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
 
"CARDIACS CONCERT.
Support- The God Damn Whores and The Gasman.
Get there early to see them.
Buy ticket NOW” 
 
CARDIACS.
outstaying their welcome since 1977

 With respect,
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN