A couple of years ago I listened to a podcast by Pastor Matt Chandler.  He talked all about Margin, and It was very significant to me, and a lesson that I really took in.  I am constantly living without margin.

This morning I woke up to a house that is a total disaster.  I thought to myself,  “How the heck did this happen?”  Well, I know how it happened.  It happened because nothing was ever really clean before, I was just barely maintaining- doing only what was absolutely necessary for us to move around and function.  I had no margin in my home, and if anything were to happen (like yesterday we were gone most of the day, and the day before that I didn’t feel well) then all of the sudden I am in disaster, can’t breathe there is so much mess zone.  I mean, when you have to wash a dish to eat, and wash a shirt to get dressed, things aren’t okay.

Money is another huge area of need for margin.  I mean, its so easy to not save, and spend everything you have, and then when that happens you totally always have the “the car just broke down, or my daughter just grew two shoe sizes in one month and needs new shoes” unexpected sort of expenses.

Or how about Spiritual margin?  Sometimes, I will not have spent any time with the Lord, and then something really hard hits, and I struggle with pouring out my heart to the Lord, because I feel like I have to “catch up” first.  I usually do “catch up” and for the most part, I think the really hard thing happened to draw me closer to Him (at least that’s one reason).  It is SO nice though, when something does hit, and I have margin in my relationship with God, where we are already having a never.ending.conversation and I can just jump in and be held by Him.

Or, what about your marriage?  There might be a week that goes by that I don’t connect so well with my husband, or we are just really busy, and don’t make time for each other.  Then- we will have one of those oh.so.normal little arguments, but it will turn into a huge fight, because we aren’t connected, we have no margin.

Sometimes this lack of margin is forced on you, and for us it always seems like once we get one area of life to have margin, another area lacks it, but I think its worth the effort to not just get done what needs to be done, but to do more then needs to be done, so you have margin, and you can take a hit without falling apart.

You can apply this “rule of margin” to most things in life.  Well, I’m going to try and dig myself out of my whole, and create some “bumpers” for my life.

What areas in your life needs some margin?

Recently I’ve noticed something new about myself- it’s that I value marriage above everything else other than my relationship with God.  It’s not that this is necessarily a new idea or anything, but I’m realizing that not only do I hold marriage in high value, but it is also a passion of mine.  I value my own marriage, but I also value the marriage of those around me, and my heart is absolutely devastated when I hear about one falling apart.

This passion of mine sometimes leads to some social awkwardness on my part.  I’m constantly asking my married friends how their marriages are doing,  I hate chit chat so I’ll jump right into questions like “Are you having date nights?” and I total even ask them about their sex life.  Yes, it might make me a little weird, but I seriously have such a heart for them, and their marriages, and the families that they are building.  I’ve seen how easy it is to fall out of love, and let go of your vows and commitment, and how it often happens to the people you thought would be together forever, or the people who said to themselves “that could never happen to me”.

I’m not really sure what the Lord has planned for me as for as my passion for marriage, or who He might use me to help in my awkwardness, but I feel like I love marriage (in a small way)- the way that Jesus does, and I can see Him crying and devastated when the covenant He created is destroyed, and I can see Him rejoicing and celebrating with us when we connect to one another and together with Him.

Recently I read the story of Sarah Markley.  It touched my heart, as I read her story about God’s redemptive power and grace, as He restored her marriage after her affair.  It’s a beautiful and heart wrenching story, and I hope you read it, and learn from her like I did, and go and love on your husband a little more today.

Oh, and just for fun, I uploaded my wedding photos to Flickr, you can see them on my Flickr page here

Growing up in Arizona, Fall was never really a season we experienced.  The leaves on the palm trees in my backyard didn’t turn vibrant colors of gold and red and then fall off.  I was still wearing flip-flops and shorts in October, and we still had the AC on in the house.  We had pumpkins of course, but mainly from our local grocery store.  Ever since moving to the Midwest I have come to LOVE this Season.  Today we found a pumpkin patch nearby, and it was like pumpkin Disneyland!  We had so much fun!  Here are just a few of the things we did-

On our way, she was looking out the window at all the trees turning colors, and getting so excited!

We did pony rides! She was so brave, and excited, and yelled “yee-haw” and “getty-up” and didn’t want the ride to end!

Looked at tons of pretty pumpkins!

Pretended to drive a car (and she insisted daddy give her his keys so she could start it!)

Discovered new places!

Gave some pumpkin love!

Drove a choo-choo!

Went on a hay ride to pick our own pumpkins!

This is the best family shot we got for the day- oh well!

Serious reflecting was going on during this hay ride.

I think these fields are so pretty, don’t you?

We made it to the patch!

This one is perfect Mommy!

Doing a little jig on the hay….having waytoomuchfun!

This is the “after” shot- she stayed up WAY past nap time, and fell asleep the minute we started driving home!  She’s having sweet dreams, I’m sure.

To see the rest of the pictures from our day- check out my flickr page here

Yesterday my awesome brother figured out a way to retrieve all my old files from my broken laptop.  I am so excited.  I wasn’t very smart and didn’t really back stuff up, and so all of Capri’s baby photos, our wedding photos, everything from the last few years were all there (including all my music!).  This morning I spent some time going through some photos, and I found it so fun to just go through the pictures and see how Capri has grown.  I thought I would share a bunch of those with you today.  Just to warn you, there are TONS!  But, I just couldn’t help myself!

Before I became pregnant I never understood the stories I heard about women that would rather risk their own lives during their pregnancy’s then the babies.  (Such as refusing chemotherapy treatment, or continuing a high risk pregnancy etc..)  But, when I was pregnant with Capri that all changed and I got it.  It’s this maternal instinct to protect, and this overwhelming love that grows each and every day.  I would do anything for this little boy.  I’ve never even seen his face, or held his hand, but I would give my life for him. Every day, I just enjoy feeling his little kicks, and wondering what his smile looks like.  I wonder if he’s smiling when he hears his big sister talking to him, and saying “love you Jaxon” in her little toddler voice.  He is so much a part of this family already.  Yesterday I signed a card “Love- Wade, Carrington, Capri, and Jaxon”.  He’s even on the cards.

How does a love like that happen?  I don’t know.  I’m constantly contemplating my love for Capri, and its hard for me to fathom my own love for her.  I can’t even describe it, it’s like every part of me was created to love her, and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.  I couldn’t grasp it (I thought I did) before I was pregnant with her, and now I can’t even describe it.  It’s a total God design kind of thing.  It’s from Him, and unbelievably powerful.

If I have a love in my heart that I can’t even describe for my children, it makes me wonder at the depth of God’s love for us.  I’ve wondered my whole life how He could love us the way He does.  In a way, having children has helped me grasp that in a small way.  On the flip side of that though, it makes me stand in awe of the fact that God would sacrifice his own Son for us.  And He’s not sacrificing the weak, imperfect ones that don’t love Him.  He sacrificed His only Son, His perfect Son for me.  Wow.

This morning I read one of my dear friends blog, and my heart got so heavy.  Her name is Beth, and shortly after I met her she lost two twin boys, late-term and their names were James and Jake.  Earlier this year, she miscarried another precious child.  Now, she is pregnant, fresh into her second trimester and this morning, she received some concerning news from her OB.  Please go there and see for yourself, and please pray for this amazing family, that has struggled and lost so much already.  I know what it’s like to be in love already, and that baby is ALREADY a part of their family, just like the other three were.  God is big, and prayer is powerful, and I believe we can help.

Capri has hit that stage where she is seeking her own independence, and trying to do everything on her own.  As a parent, it’s so adorable to watch her grow, learn and be able to do things on her own.  She wants to brush her own hair, brush her own teeth and put her shoes on when we get ready.  She wants to do her seat belt by herself.  She wants to unzip her sweater and take it off by herself.  Her most common phrases the last few weeks have been “I did it”, “I can do it”, “I do it”, “It’s mine”, “I want it!”.  With all this cuteness there is frustration from her and us, as she tries to figure this out.  There are some things she insists on doing (like unlocking the door when we get home) that she simply can’t do, because she’s too small still.  She doesn’t quite understand, and so we have increased the number of tantrums in this house like two fold.

With all of this independence, she craves praise from us for all her help.  She loves to be called “Mommy’s little helper”.  On Friday we decided to make some cupcakes for daddy for his long week of work (she knows she can’t eat these cupcakes).  She helped me mix the ingredients, put the cupcake liners in the pan, and we “waited for the beep” and she helped me frost the cupcakes.  It was so fun, but still filled with a lot of frustration as she wanted to do EVERYTHING, even if she couldn’t.  I wanted to give her as much to do as possible, but she is still a little young for this activity.  She looked so cute in her little apron (She got the apron at my Sister-in-law’s bridal shower a few months ago), and was a great little helper.  Here is video of her watching the oven.

I ended the video right before the next tantrum (you’re welcome!), because she had a hard time understanding and being patient of all the time we had to wait.  Hopefully, the more she does this with me the more she will learn, but it was such a fun experience!

I’ve been all over the place lately.  Emotional, and up and down.  It takes me awhile to catch up.  Like some days, Wade comes home and asks me how I am and I start talking about how I feel and burst into tears, when I hadn’t even realized it throughout the day.

We are in major limbo over here, contemplating a big move away from where we live now, and not understanding or quite sure where we will end up, and when that will happen.  Being pregnant makes me so restless to be settled.  I want to know my home, and prepare for this baby, and as of right now, I have no idea where we will be living when Jaxon comes.  I hate it.  I wish I could say that I’ve been excited about new opportunities but I haven’t.  I’ve been impatient…I just want it to happen now.  I’ve been so anxious.

Today I just surrendered and took a breath.  I had a great day with Wade and Capri, we just spent quality time at the park, eating food and just cuddling together.  Today (during the cuddling with hubby)  he was able to feel Jaxon’s flips and kicks for a whole 20 minutes!  It was amazing, and I can see Wade starting to connect to this little baby as much as I am.

With all that going on around me, I just realized that I need to stop and breathe and be thankful for where I am at right now.  To truly want what I already have.  This last year we have come through a lot of financial hardship, and with the economy the way it is, I know that we could be way worse off, and others are way worse off then us.  We truly know what it feels like to be living in that survival mode, and I am thankful that we aren’t there anymore.

It was such a break of burden today, just surrendering, and I’m going to get in the practice of breathing more.

I am a HUGE Beyonce fan.  I don’t know if I can claim to be the biggest or anything, because there are some really zealous people out there, but I love everything she does.  Well, I got an e-mail (from her mailing list and fan club, yes I subscribe to both, don’t make fun of me!) telling me to watch the new show on Fox GLEE, because Beyonce’s song “Single Ladies” was going to be featured on it. I was so excited, because I love the show, and its becoming one of my favorites!  Well, last night did not disappoint, and let me share with you a clip from the football team, giving their opponents a little “surprise”

I just died of laughter!  I hope you all enjoy!

Well, he was a wiggly worm, and we couldn’t get a bunch of great shots, but we got some!

It’s a boy!  His name is Jaxon Wade Beauchamp!

We are overjoyed, and so excited, and we were so surprised!  We both had thought it would be another girl, and so we were so excited to hear it is a boy!

We are so, so blessed.  We can’t wait to meet him!

(Capri, as we were leaving to go to the grocery store this morning)

Like most people, I struggle a bit with worrying about what other people think.  I think as I’ve become an adult, I’ve really grown in this area of my life, and don’t really have any problem with worrying about it any more (motherhood does that to you, when some days you are forced to leave the house without showering, or changing out of pj’s!) But one area that gets me is the checkout lane at the grocery store.  I cannot be the only one that does this, right? I’m sure people have been a little embarrassed when buying tampons, or diarrhea medicine, or pregnancy tests, right?

Well, my insecurities come from how healthy we eat.  It’s so funny to me whats in my cart.  Capri’s diet is all organic, she doesn’t eat dairy or gluten, and drinks tons or rice milk.  Before I got pregnant I was eating that stuff right along with her.  Ever since I got pregnant, I’ve been craving the WORST stuff, all things not healthy, from the box etc.  Then there is my husband, who is extremely picky, and basically lives off of Pepsi, frozen pizza, snacks and candy.  None of us eat the same thing, we have a very strange household (not to mention an expensive grocery bill each month).  So, I’m always thinking that the checkout people must think we are crazy, like “why are they buying organic eggs, and organic whole milk and organic rice milk, and non organic 2%?  (Because we all drink different milk, my husband doesn’t like the organic whole milk!) Or, “Why bother buying organic chips and cookies, and then buy goldfish and chips ahoy?” LOL!  It is SO strange.  My husband is trying to grow his tastes, and hopefully one day he will eat like me, and we can lesson the divide between our likes, but it’s still a little strange.

Then, when I see mothers behind me with fresh produce, and spices (for cooking from scratch), and recipes, and the coupons to make it all practically free, and I’m sitting here with my organic food that is never on sale, and there are never coupons for, and boxes of food instead of making it from scratch- I’m totally insecure about this.  WHY!?  I don’t know!  I mean, it’s not like I have an anxiety attack or anything, it’s just something I’ve noticed myself thinking about every time I’m in the checkout lane.

Please tell me I’m not the only weirdo out there?