Canada Moms Blog

Baby brain: myth or misinterpreted?

2010-02-04T02:30:00-08:00

In today's "why did anyone even manage to get funded for this study" news, it turns out that baby brain is a myth. You know, that whole thing whereby you get pregnant and you all of a sudden forget how to spell your name? That thing we all lived through? Yes. Myth. Aren't you glad someone told you that? Wow. Sure cleared up all that mental chow mein I've been regurgitating for well over a year now.

Except, their definition of baby brain was apparently different than mine. Someone out there apparently believed that the act of getting pregnant or having a baby actually made women stupider, rather than just forgetful.

This was worth a study?

I don't feel particularly stupider since having had a baby, in that I don't feel that my raw intelligence level has actually sunk. But I do very often feel befuddled. Forgetful. Frazzled. And I usually blame it on that nebulous thing called baby brain. Baby brain being a syndrome where a combination of sleep deprivation and the nuclear bomb of a baby in the house means my mind is absorbed by other matters than it previously perused. I think the authors of this study made an assumption about baby brain that I didn't: That it was actually a quantifiable, physiological response to being pregnant or having given birth. Or, more directly, that pregnancy makes you stupid.

Next time, just give me the grant money. I could have told you that the reason we get squirrelly isn't because of the pregnancy itself. It's because when you're 9 weeks pregnant and spend most of your time willing yourself not to puke on anything in sight, your brain isn't really concentrating on lesser things like taking out the trash. Or when you're 8 months pregnant and you have to wake up every 30 minutes to roll over because your hips are aching like someone's got them in a vise, it's not a stretch to believe your body and brain haven't been rested properly - and sleep deprivation is proven to have negative cognitive effects. Or when you have a 7 month old who utterly refuses to nap, I mean, she falls asleep in your arms and you go to put her down and she wakes up shrieking and is wide awake so you try again an hour later and the same thing happens and you try again half an hour later and the same thing happens and OH MY GOD I WILL LOSE MY MIND - is it really so shocking that I forget to pay the bills right this very moment?

No, it's not a myth. A myth is fictional. Not to be believed. Leprechauns are a myth. Baby brain is not. If what the researchers were trying to prove was that "baby brain" means "mom loses IQ points" - which, did anyone actually believe that in the first place? - then sure, clear that part up. But there's a big difference between raw intelligence and ability to concentrate on every last detail in your life, which becomes nigh on impossible when you have a baby.

Tell you what. Next time you get a grant for something as ridiculous as this, use it to bring gigantic double-caf lattes and chocolate croissants to new moms everywhere. That'll be far better for their baby brain than listening to some academic tell them it doesn't exist.

This is an original post to Canada Moms Blog. Shannon rants at ThreeSeven.ca and saves the world at ecochick.ca.

Something Beautiful

2010-02-03T02:00:00-08:00

My childrens' school is collecting money for Haiti - milk dimes, errant quarters, toonies and loonies and paper money shaken from piggy banks and caged in return for chores. It's a lovely thing that our kids are so concerned for other children so far away.

It's hard to know what is just-enough-and-not-too-much to tell my young'uns so that they'll grasp the situation and yet not be horrified into bad dreams. We've talked about how the people that were struck hardest by this disaster were the ones who really didn't have anything to begin with, how we, who have so much, can help these people that we'll never meet by sending a little money so they'll have things like fresh water. Or something to eat. Or maybe a pillow and a blanket.

My daughter's class is young and confused by how someone's house could just disappear. They've been drawing pictures to send to children in Haiti, full of rainbows and smiling faces and birds holding hands. So, she explained, they'll have something beautiful until this is all fixed. Until this all goes away.

(I wish rescue operations could run on her timetable!)

She has a valid point. Everyone should have something pretty. Something to remind them that even though life-changing events happen, that beauty lives on. That normalcy will, one day, return. And I think that works for people donating money to help as well - staring into the face of calamity, it's easy to think that your money is too little to help much - too easy to be mired in the enormity of the disaster, to forget that even a little helps a lot. It's hard to remember someday Haiti will be beautiful and whole again and not always a land of dust and broken dreams.

A Canadian-begun-but-quickly-international on-line auction, To Haiti with Love, is such a place where you could find a piece of such sustaining beauty to ease your soul. Art, photography, papercrafts, clothing, and creative goods, (and conference tickets and vacations and knitted sweaters and poetry and so many more wonderful things! Bird mobiles! Aah!) Auctions all run from February 1st to February 8th. All proceeds will be sent directly to the St. Joseph's Family of homes for children in Haiti.

The brain-child of visual artist René Joshi Sims of fruityfantastica and coordinated by author Kate Inglis of sweet | salty, this amazing auction will leave you with a stunning reminder of a time when you sought to help people less fortunate than yourself.

When you gave them hope for something beautiful.

photo by IFRC

This is an original Canada Moms post. Jessica blogs at daysgoby and tries not to cry too much at the news every night.

The Most Important Thing I Can Give My Kids

2010-02-01T02:00:00-08:00

As parents, we want the best for our kids so we shower them with toys and trips and dinners out. As a child I had ample in the way of material things but that is not what I remember when I think back. What I do remember is that I always knew how very much I was loved and accepted by my immediate family. That love was wrapped around me permanently, always there, always keeping my heart safe.

The world is full of 11 year old girls who decide one day that they will stop speaking to you just because. But in the grand scheme of things, their pointless betrayal didn't matter because wrapped around me like a cloak, forever reminding me that I was loved, was that security provided to me by my family.　 And when I exited the bus after being ignored for the duration of the school day and bus ride home (what kind of karma is that they were also on the same bus route as me?) by those who I thought were my friends, there was my mom, waiting to envelope me in that love and security.

Instead of waiting until I was again worthy enough for these friends, I gave up on them and found new ones. I credit the fact that I knew I deserved　more for the strength to do that. My family showed me that I was worthy, that I deserved to be treated with the same kindness and respect that I was taught to treat others with.

As a young adult (barely), this same cloak of love and self worth gave me the courage to end my　first romantic relationship　when I recognized that I deserved better.　Because no matter how hard it was to end it, I deserved more. I was right, because no less than a year later, I met the love of my life, my husband, who treated me, from day one, in the manner that I always hoped my first boyfriend would.　

To me, this gift of love and security equates directly into self worth. What if I had not realized that I was worthy despite the fact that the behavior of those friends and boyfriend made me feel otherwise?　Where would that have left me?　Vulnerable to all kinds of horrid treatment by people who were likely lacking this very　security I am referring to. To me, vulnerability is what opens kids up to all kinds of risks, those of　which I managed to avoid fully.

This is what I remember from my childhood, adolescence and young adulthood　and consequently, this is what I strive to provide to my children. There really　isn’t anything you can buy for them that could be more valuable.

.
Original post to Canada Moms Blog. Kami also writes at Kami's Khlopchyk.

The surprising nature of compassion from kids

2010-01-31T03:17:00-08:00

I think sometimes it's easy for us as parents - or just people in general - to underestimate the amount of compassion a child can express. Children, as a rule, are selfish creatures. I don't mean that as a judgment, I mean it as a general observation. They think of their needs, their wants, their happiness. Over time they learn more and more to think of others ("How would you feel if your friend said that to you? Sad? So how do you think she feels now that you said it to her? Exactly!") but it's a work in progress.

All I have to do is observe my oldest daughter with her younger sister and I can easily assume that there's not much in the way of compassion or empathy there. The amount of bickering over "don't touch my stuff" is unbelievable. And also headache-inducing.

When the devastating earthquake hit Haiti, my daughter's school brought in a counselor who helps kids with troubling matters and during an assembly she explained the earthquake and aftermath to the kids in a way that was understandable for elementary school ages. She also reassured and asked questions.

At home my daughter spent days asking us questions about it. Never interested in the news, she suddenly fell quiet and listened closely whenever Haiti came up.

Last Friday the school held a dress-down day to raise funds to donate to the ongoing relief in Haiti. Although we have a strict dress code (not quite a uniform but kids must wear plain white shirts and blue pants, tunics, or skirts, with white t-shirts and blue shorts for gym), that Friday kids were allowed to arrive in their own clothing choices as long as they brought in two dollars to donate.

My daughter was ecstatic to wear her own clothes and spent some time debating what she would wear. However there was no debating when it came time to pay up. She asked me if she could please take more than the required two dollars. "I want to take more money," she said, "because it will help people more."

Obviously I didn't say no.

In the end, she pulled out her wallet and chose to take in a five dollar bill that she had gotten from her aunt recently. She was so proud to take more money in; I was so proud of her for doing in unprompted. I'm very involved in the school and from what I heard she wasn't the only one to bring in extra just because they wanted to help the families who are suffering in Haiti. In the end, the school raised $1338 and that's pretty good since they only had two days' notice!

I was volunteering at the school's breakfast club that day and I loved seeing all the kids dressed in their own clothing. Some had even dressed up all fancy; one little boy in grade two even wore a little black suit and a dress shirt. Most of all though, I loved hearing them all chattering to each other about how they were helping people in Haiti and what their money would buy for them.

Yes, kids can be selfish more often than we'd like and yes, we have to routinely remind them not to be, but they can really surprise you sometimes with the incredible depth of their compassion.

This is an original Canada Moms Blog post. When she's not trying to teach her daughters to care for others, she can be found blogging at Chaos Theory.

Image from the United Nations Development Programme

Pelvic Examination Under Anaesthesia: Immoral Teaching Tool or Avoiding Discomfort in the Name of Education?

2010-01-29T06:40:08-08:00

Like Shannon, I read and was horrified by the Globe and Mail article "Time to End Pelvic Exams Done Without Consent." My first reaction was that this article was written quite inflammatory and I began to search for a semblance of truth behind the article, or something to prove otherwise.

I couldn't.

The University of Toronto Pelvic Exam Policy states:

The intimate natures of pelvic and rectal examinations pose a challenge to demonstration and practice. Examination under anaesthesia allows learners to encounter normal and abnormal anatomy while the pelvis is relaxed and correlate their findings with intra-operative pathology. This scenario permits an understanding of the findings at pelvic examination without time pressure and with reduced patient discomfort. It is important for the future of medical care for women that our medical trainees develop the skills to perform a pelvic examination as part of the essential evaluation of women’s health.
...In most teaching hospitals, the participation of medical trainees is discussed and included in the general consent form.

Those consent forms are the ones you have to sign in order to have the operation you're there for. "A signed consent is legally required to consent to surgery in a public hospital in Ontario." There is not always specific consent outlining the possibility that you may or may not have a room full of medical students gathered round your nether regions while they take turns with the speculum. Your consent is implied.

I realize that medical students need to learn. Hell, I'm going to be a nursing student next year and I'm going to need to practice all kinds of things that are required of me in my future career. I absolutely believe these practices are in surgical theaters under sterile conditions, and supervised by trained professionals. I highly doubt they pull first-year med students out of class to come on down.

I've had many residents pop their head under my gown while I was birthing both my sons. When I was labour with my youngest, a resident came in, did not make eye contact, and shot off 10 questions to my vagina. How old was I? Was this my first baby? Was the last pregnancy normal? ARE YOU HAVING A CONTRACTION RIGHT NOW?

While. staring. at. my. vagina.

My vagina stopped answering and she (yes, she) met my eyes.

"You can leave now," I said coldly through the pain. Come back when you want to talk to me and not my vagina,"

She turned on her heel and left quickly. My nurse rolled her eyes, "they're all like that."

I told my nurse I did not want any more residents in my room. She told me I had that right. Which is why I immediately questioned the validity of the Globe and Mail article. Don't we have the right to say no? I wonder if we write "No pelvic exams" in Sharpie marker on our inner thighs when we undergo a procedure, if that would stop a medical student in her tracks. You'd think the morality of the situation would stop them. It must in some cases, as the U of T's Pelvic Exam Policy includes a opt-out for students:

Regardless of the gender of the undergraduate medical trainee, pelvic examination should be performed under the appropriate supervision of a qualified health care professional (ie. nurse, resident, physician, midwife). Pelvic examinations should be performed if possible with the assistance of a chaperone for the protection of both the patient and the medical trainee (students and residents). Moreover, if a physical examination is undertaken for educational purposes, undergraduate medical trainees should have experienced teachers guiding them to discover the pertinent physical findings. A student should also feel free to decline participation if they do not feel comfortable with the circumstances of the examination.
...Pelvic examinations under anesthesia are a component of the majority of pelvic surgeries. Consent for pelvic examination by medical trainees is contained within consent for a surgical procedure.

With my oldest son being an atypical Kawasaki's Disease 'case,' I am used to recanting his weird reaction to IVIG (standard treatment), his success with progesterone and heparin, and his eventual bout with cardiac aneurysms. I have told his story to many wide-eyed doctors-to-be.

They are learning.

They are curious.

They aren't always good at seeing my son as a person with feelings, but I excuse that because they are trying to jam a whole lot of knowledge into their brains in a relatively short period of time, to serve us, the public, in the future. (Plus, my son thinks it's cool when the doctor hangs out, punches him in the arm and calls him a champ for getting through such an ordeal.)

Having said that, I have the right to say no when a few residents gather 'round for a little storytelling. So why exactly don't I have that same right over my vagina?

This practice of women unknowingly signing off on being educational tools while they are drugged is not a morally sound thing for our medical community to be doing, no matter what U of T or any other Canadian University is putting into policy. We should have the right to say no. It should be an option in writing, and certainly not in Sharpie marker on our skin. We should have to sign off on something clearly and specifically outlining our stance on practice pelvic and anal examinations.

Everything else in the medical community is documented, regimented, checked and double checked. The fact that they've made this point so vague is deceitful and I take great issue with the omission of detail on most public hospital surgical consent forms.

When I become a nursing student, I vow that I will opt out of anything that is morally wrong, without apology. Every medical student should do the same, without pressure or consequence, until these policies are improved to protect the patient as a whole.

This is an original post to Canada Moms Blog. Karen blogs at Karen Sugarpants and Craftastrophe.

If you're outraged about this, and want to send a message to the Canadian medical establishment and Canadian legislators that this is NOT okay, please consider lending your signature to this open letter/petition. Thank you!

SV MOMS GROUP BLOGS FOR HAITI

2010-01-29T01:33:00-08:00

Collectively, we have a powerful voice. Our messages and stories of aid, sadness, fear, shock and even hope made its way through the internet and social media tools upon learning about the devastation in Haiti. We want to help and let the Haitians know that they are not alone. In both small and large ways, the blogging community is here, getting the word out and using our united voices and sites to share love, concern and messages of hope.

CLICK HERE TO SEE ARTICLES WRITTEN BY SV MOMS GROUP CONTRIBUTORS ABOUT HAITI ........

Have you been used as a practice vagina? Would you even know?

2010-01-28T18:46:45-08:00

I have a story. Let me tell you it.

A few years ago, my husband and I were having trouble conceiving a child. In Ontario, they have people who can help you with these sorts of things so after the requisite time, we toddled off to the fertility doctor in order to get checked out. For those of you who've never been down this route, first of all thank your lucky stars, but secondly, realize the tests they do are of the necessary but rather highly embarrassing kind: transvaginal ultrasound.. on the first day of your period. Sperm analysis. Invasive questions. It's the kind of thing these doctors see every day, so they are thankfully very professional about it. I, however, do not talk about these things every day, nor do I make a habit of showing up for vaginal exams just for fun. As a result, I was less comfortable than my doctor or the medical team that I worked with. It's embarrassing. It's your privates, you know. They're meant to be.. private. But this all had a purpose: To find out if our bodies were working properly, or not. So I gave myself a little "man up, nancy" talk and bravely forged ahead.

During one of these exams, my doctor discovered something odd. Something that would take a surgical investigation to resolve fully. The surgery was scheduled, and on the designated day I reported to the hospital, anxious and nervous. I knew this was a simple, routine procedure, but I was still feeling skittish. I would be going under a general anesthetic, and that fact combined with the private-parts nature of the work being done left me feeling vulnerable. My doctor, a kind, intelligent man about my age, spoke to me in reassuring, professional tones. He introduced everyone in the room and described their roles and the procedure. And when it was time to go under, seeing I was nervous, he stood by my side until they gave me the good stuff and my eyes slowly closed. When I woke up hours later in recovery, I went home feeling groggy, but relieved to find out the issue was, as expected, nothing. And ever since that day, I have been grateful to my doctor for being so professional, so compassionate; thankful that he was taking such care to make me feel reassured.

That was a while ago. I've since had a beautiful baby girl and I have long put the thought of that day behind me. Until today. When I read in the Globe and Mail that during gynecological surgery, it's routine for a medical student to practice giving pelvic exams to women while they're anesthetized, without seeking prior permission from the patient to do so.

I read the article, and I froze.

I realized in an instant that it is entirely possible that after my procedure was completed, when there was no need for me to still be receiving potentially dangerous anesthesia, when there was no reason for anyone to be putting a speculum within 15 feet of me, my unconscious body was then very possibly used as a lab rat for a med student - possibly students- to "practice" pelvic exams on me. Without my permission.

What?

What???

I feel nauseous. I feel horrified. I feel violated. I feel frightened.

From the article:

The long-standing argument in favour of allowing these exams to be done on surgery patients is that it provides a unique opportunity for students to practice the delicate, invasive examination without causing the woman pain or embarrassment.

There is also an assumption that women would never accept pelvic exams by students while conscious so sneaking them in, while not ideal, is acceptable.

Let's let that sink in for a moment. So rather than cause me "pain or embarrassment", or give me the right to say "no", they instead simply can decide to do a painful and embarrassing (their words) examination on my unconscious body without my permission.

Can you believe this? Us ladies, us delicate dewdrops, (most of whom have had more pelvic exams than we can remember, for god's sake) are too fragile to be asked permission to let a student see our lady gardens! But don't worry about it, says the medical community, we'll get around it: WE JUST WON'T TELL THEM. Knock 'em out and stirrup 'em up, let's let the whole room see what's in there!

Think about this. Even dead bodies have to give their permission to let med students examine and practice on them. We are being given less respect than dead bodies.

But here's the kicker.

The concern among the medical community isn't whether it's ethical to carry out invasive examinations for 'practice' purposes without the patient first granting consent. The concern is how tough it would be to actually get that permission in the first place.

Talk about missing the point.

So, medical community, I have a few questions for you.

1. Does this practice actually occur? Do you allow medical students to carry out pelvic examinations on unconscious patients without informing them first?

2. If this practice does take place, are these examinations that are necessary as a routine course of the procedure being carried out and are simply being done by the student, or are these examinations that are being done outside of the required procedures (and thus exposing the patient to extra anasthesia and extra risk from having an extra invasive procedure)?

3. If this does take place.. have you never stopped to think whether or not it *should* happen without your patients' permission?

4....

And this is the most important point...

4. If this did take place in my OR that day, had I been asked to give consent, it's more than likely that I would have given it. But because you didn't ask, you took away my own power over my own body. You treated me like an object. You put your needs over my right to have sovereignty over my self. If you'd drugged me and let someone probe my vagina outside of an OR, it would have been called rape. And it's unforgivable.

This is an original post to Canada Moms Blog. Shannon blogs at ThreeSeven.ca and saves the world at ecochick.ca.

Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh: A Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club

2010-01-28T14:51:20-08:00

Love affairs in Paris, culture, style, genius. Typical mom stuff, right? Join us as Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers talk about the book Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh.

Sophia from Moody Mommy ponders Me? Naked?
Christina from Hooey Critic explains that in German it would be called 'Ehebruch'
Sam from Temporarily Me Dot Com thinks about Love. Elsewhere
Lisa from Hannemaniacs' revels in her luxurious life
Melanie from Tales from the Crib discusses faithfulness
Jessica from It's My Life has a little Coco Chanel flashback
Heidi from Coast 2 Coast Mom wonders how Coco Chanel would have done a mom uniform
Leticia from Tech Savvy Mama finds that member-only sale sites feature Coco Chanel and designer duds for less
Kim from I'm Not the Nanny found herself examining family vs career aka SAHM vs working moms
Erica from wellthoughtoutspot wonders what Coco would say about her unfashionable side
Vanessa from Chefdruck Musings Puts Down the Paintbrush to Find the Right Tool for her Creativity
Stacy from Laptop TV Mom discusses Coco Chanel and Tiger Woods
Michelle from Wife and Mommy reveals her special talent
Ana from Finding Bonggamom has a love affair with pearls
Linsey from Me Too You talks about independence and balance

Silicon Valley Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please leave a comment below and join in the discussion.

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

See Mom Run by Beth Feldman
Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done
This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
Testimony by Anita Shreve
Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club.

This is not a paid for post. The publisher of this book did provide free copies to Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers to use for this book club.

Personal Vendettas

2010-01-27T02:00:00-08:00

If anyone reads my Wet Coast Women site, I tend to use it as a bit of a platform for my..um..er..rants about the issues that really tick me off. These issues are usually local, Vancouver centric issues that I feel affect my family.

I have ranted about the Olympics a fair bit and the city is now really bracing for the impact.

To be honest I think the games will be great. I think the big issues around the games will be what VANOC has been worried about in the first place..and that is getting around. I also think they are MENTAL with making VISA the only credit card accepted at their venues, but not my decision AND since I am just a poor citizen of the city, I won't BE attending any of the events...too rich for my blood.

My other BIG rant is a personal one. It is housing affordability. Vancouver has just been listed as one of THE most unaffordable cities to live in. Meaning the cost of housing vs. the median income is totally out of wack.

I am amazed if this is a surprise to ANYONE living and working in the Lower Mainland.

Vancouver has no industry. No big head offices. No specialized economy. Nothing draws people here except the weather and the scenery. Except for real estate and the ease to avoid taxation etc. Real Estate Development IS the economy of Vancouver. Condos are bought up site unseen over and over by offshore buyers.

I was talking to our mortgage specialist at the bank the other day, and she says she has many clients who have never stepped one foot into Canada, yet own multiple properties.

This not only keeps the real estate prices high, but the rental rates too. Vancouver has an almost zero percent vacancy rate and renters are constantly fighting to maintain FAIR rents.

So while VANOC, and City Hall and the Provincial Government toot the horn of 'Super Natural BC,' and our beautiful 'World Class City,' the flaws are JUST under the surface and they really need to stop sweeping them all under the scenic carpets that we have in this gorgeous part of Canada.

VANOC and the city was faced with our one big issue that will be near impossible to hide during the Olympics, and that is our homeless issue.

And it is a huge issue and the plight of the people focused on the Downtown East Side absolutely HAS to be addressed.

However, this report about the high price of living here shows to me a more pressing issue, and that is the increasing difficulty for the middle income earners and the working poor to exist in the city they would like to call home and work for a living in.

It is a pressing issue and for me, a personal one. We are a single income family. By choice, for sure. We decided having kids was important for us and why work when all my income would then be sunk into daycare fees?

We are also an entrepreneurial family. My husband until now has supported us with his own writing career. So finding housing that we could enjoy and afford was important to us. We have also wanted to stay in Vancouver because that was where our family was.

So we rent. And we were lucky enough to rent with the Metro Vancouver Housing Corp, that provided lower income rentals across the Lower Mainland. We got into a good area with lots of family friendly amenities, good schools and transit.

The complex if filled with what you would categorize as 'blue collar,' 'working class' families. There are also many single parents too.

Everyone balances their budgets and makes do. Everyone works hard to support their families. But there are no luxuries.

People live in these houses because they have to. And it works for them.

But they are raising our rents. Gradually they will keep raising them over the next few years to what the CMHC has decided is market rates for our area. This will have a huge impact on many families.

We were basically told by the management that if you don't like it...get out. We were told we had been 'lucky' to have the rents we had and there was thousands of people on the waiting lists.

And yes..we are grateful for the rents...and the location....and the quality. Because we worry about the alternative. Where in town would a family live that are on a fixed income?

So now that my husband has a good job and we have some savings, once again we contemplate buying. However, buying means moving out of Vancouver and then LONG commutes for my husband. But we could never ever afford to buy a place big enough for our family in Vancouver.

I am in awe of the families that do manage.

I am angry too. Angry at the politicians that don't want to deal with the issue. I am angry at a city that has been so focused on real estate development that has totally ignored logical urban planning. We are being taken over by condos. We are told density is the key. But really is it? Do we want to be like Hong Kong? Do we want to be a city of cramped tiny dwellings? Do we need to be?

I am angry at the Federal Government too. They used to support co-operative housing and organizations like the one we live in. They no longer do.

The focus has been on the those at the bottom of the pile, while those struggling to get by, pay taxes, work hard, are forgotten.

I wonder what Vancouver will do if there is no housing for the people who basically build the infrastructure of the city. The people who fix your car, sell you your food, who try to WORK for the small businesses that struggle in Vancouver.

I don't think ONE teacher at my child's school actually lives in Vancouver, let alone anywhere near the school. Not ONE of the preschool teachers at our local preschool lived in the city.

For a city with a nightmarish transit system, pushing people further out is not the key.

Providing a MIX of housing. Housing for all incomes is the key. Remembering that FAMILIES like to live in Vancouver also would help. I don't want to cram my family of 5 into a tiny condo in Yaletown. I don't want to be that trendy thank you very much.

I won't be renting one of these places.

Suffice it to say, I will be keeping up my campaign. I will keep emailing and tweeting my politicians.

Geoff Meggs a Vancouver City Councilor AND on the board of my housing complex, actually had the decency to not only speak to me via email about it all, but responded to my post on Wet Coast Women.

I thank him for that.

I haven't heard a PEEP from anyone else. I have tried to contact my Federal Rep - Mr. Ujjal Dosanjh on the issue, as well as Libby Davies who is a big fighter for affordable housing. I even contacted the BC NDP, but nothing. I haven't even bothered contacting any Conservative MP's. Why bother?

And apparently our Mayor is too busy with Olympic photo opportunities to deal with key issues in his own city.

I am very sad at the state of Vancouver. Yes it is still beautiful. The weather is great. The scenery is amazing. But the cost of living creeps higher and higher, with little reward.

The people in my complex can't afford to ski on those pretty slopes. Or hang out at the picture perfect eateries in Yaletown or Granville Island. Most of them can't even afford to take their kids to the Aquarium or Science World.

They are just trying to survive. They work hard and deserve a lot more than they currently get from this city.

----

Original Canada Moms Blog post, Kerry also writes about her life, and her kids at Crunchy Carpets. She also posts at the community site for women bloggers on the west coast, Wet Coast Women.

Jury of Peers

2010-01-26T02:00:00-08:00

I admit, I am a fearsome mother for a teacher to face.

As a Mama Bear alone, I am terrifying.

As an Educator myself, with a Bachelors in Elementary Education and a Masters Degree in Child Development (and ever so slowly marching towards my PhD) I am a tsunami of research and knowledge and questions and answers. I AM that frighteningly intelligent college professor they had, the one who was always expecting MORE from them. The one who would send back papers with copious comments and exhort them to THINK, not just write down what they have read.

For those of you who may know me from my home Blog, I am Doing the Best I Can, you may know that I have been engaged in not-so-subtle guerrilla warfare with my daughters teacher. It has been rugged. And I have gotten Mean. Intentionally devastatingly mean. So mean that if I were in this teachers shoes, I would either write me off as a Loon, or be having panic attacks about having to face me.

Of course, like your typical crazy mother, I write letters. However, I write letters filled with educational theory and rationale. I write letters in which your personal and professional competence are seriously being Called OUT by someone with more than a passing knowledge of your profession. When the teacher in question does respond, she passive aggressively writes "cc: Cycle Three Teachers" on her response. Not to be outdone, I amp it up by providing a copy of my response to her response ( copied and included as an attachment for easy reference) in personalized addressed envelopes of each of the teachers in question.

See? I told you I could be mean.

Which brings me to tomorrow. Our meeting. Tuesday Morning at 8:30 a.m. with the Teacher, and Principal, The Special Ed. Person, my husband and myself. Frankly, I am dreading this.

What this teacher doesn't know is that I sat with a group of teachers last Thursday. A group of teachers whom I respect highly as skilled educators. They are the group of teachers that form the core of the project of which I am the lead Research Assistant, so I have watched them for two and a half years now. I have recorded them teaching. I have watched them in meetings. I have analyzed their teaching styles and skills as part of the larger project. I deeply respect them.

At our gathering to map out the outlines of the book we are all collaboratively writing, I told them my story.

And met the wall of silence of my peers.

"Oh, you're THAT mother", one of them teased.

But....But...But....No. I tried, I explained. I tried from Day One. I tried to meet her several times before and after school, to say "Hello, I am Emily's Mom"...and I wrote notes that were ignored...and more notes in agendas....But she won't respond. By the time she was forced to be available to us in November at the terrible Parent Teacher Conference night, I had been pursuing this woman for three months! And, she - well, she started the conference with the statement "Emily has multiple Issues"....and proceeded to tell us of the things we Knew, since they had already been written in her IEP! Who does that? Who starts out a meeting like that- What kind of teacher?

Silence from my peers.

"What is really bothering you?", one of the teachers adeptly asked.

"She's not acknowledging me. I am trying to build my home school connection bridge and she is refusing to Help. I am doing everything I know how to do and she ignores me. It's driving me crazy." I trail off into silence, looking down at my lap.

I am chastened in the face of these teachers. I am knowing that I have behaved badly, they have told me so with very few words. My self righteousness feels puffed up and false. My actions are reverberating into my daughters experience of education, making her less comfortable in her classroom and not well liked by her teacher. The wreaking ball disguised as my advocacy has been laid bare.

Tomorrow, I must apologize to this woman and attempt again. As much as it kills me to make concessions, this is not my battle to win. And so, I loosen my grip a little more from the baby I remember holding to stand next to the young woman next to me.

This is an original Canada Mom Blogs Post

Dawn pontificates at her home blog, I am Doing the Best I Can while herding the cats at True Wife Confessions She also is about to finish her comps (for real this time, I promise) in the Education Department at McGill University, where she has been in the PhD program since 2006.