Cake Wrecks

Buzzkill

Jen — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 14:00:41 +0000

"There! On the horizon! Is it some foul messenger of Emperor Zurg, here to destroy all life in this galaxy??"

****

Thanks to Rachel M., who adds, "This was the second attempt and the cake maker was shocked I was not happy. The manager, however, had to hold back his laughter and started calling all the employees over!"

Here Comes the Snide

Jen — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 14:00:30 +0000

I can appreciate couples looking for that one-of-a-kind wedding theme to really blow their guests away, but I still think I'd draw the line at "Tornado Victim Chic."

Unless they're planning to have flying debris over the dance floor while the guests drink Hurricanes and play Twister.

In that case?

I am SO IN.

Blame my city slicker upbringing, but I had no idea corn could grow this way:

I guess the baker got an earful about how the bride wanted her cake to POP, eh, Colonel?

And say what you will about wreckerators, but they know that the show must go on. Even when they forget their spatulas and have to decorate the cake in the back of a moving delivery van, on a slalom course, blind-folded, on fire, and using nothing more than a spork and whatever they can scrounge from the bottom of the florist's trash bin.

Aaaaaand scene.

Thanks to Susie, Anony M., & Pat J., who tells me none of that actually happened, but I choose to believe it anyway so I can sleep at night.

Flower Power

Jen — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 14:01:13 +0000

When it comes to wedding cakes, there's a right amount of flowers...

[Note: this is not the right amount]

...and a WRONG amount of flowers:

If you listen verrry closely, you can actually hear the cake screaming.

Bakers know a hefty blanket of fake blooms can cover a multitude of cakey sins:

...including the fact that the groom forgot to pick up the cake.

[Fun fact: this was actually the mother-of-the-bride's hat.]

However, at some point the flowers and flotsam cross over from "charming camouflage" into "DEAR GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING?"

When bakers play "To The Pain."

Many bakers use silk flowers to avoid the problem of brown droopy blooms on their cakes:

Others use silk flowers to ensure it.

{I'm almost afraid to ask, but why do they even make roses in those colors?}

Just remember: sometimes, for some cakes, there simply aren't enough flowers in the world:

In these instances, I advise a large shrubbery.

And maybe a few more of those Keystone Lights.

Thanks to Roger G., Alison V., Jen, Anony M., Stacey H., & Michelle C. for making all the two-year-old flower girls out there look extra talented today.

The King Coup

Jen — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 14:01:08 +0000

Happy Fat Tuesday, everyone!

Or, as John and I call it, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY JUST DON'T TALK ABOUT KING CAKES.

Yep, per our new household tradition, all King cakes and other deep-fried donuts are strictly off limits.

And just to be safe, Queen cakes are getting the boot, too.

Plus drawing on cakes with magic markers.

(The walls of your bedrooms are still fine, though, kids.)

Jokers, however, are perfectly acceptable.

Ahh, Mr. Seymore Buttz, you never fail to amuse.

Fortunately, most bakeries know they can just throw a few plastic beads and carrot-less jockeys onto pretty much anything and people will buy it, thereby enabling a blissfully King-cake-free holiday.

I hear the fun part is watching beads come out of your 3-year-old.

This next one is so sad I actually had two separate wreckporters submit photos of it:

And if that doesn't capture the spirit of exuberant revelry, nothing will.

Also, John says he's pretty sure that cake is deep-fried.

And finally, did you know that Mardi Gras was actually first celebrated in Boston?

They'd swap Boston Cream King Pies and brag about who had the best foliage.

It's true! I checked Wikipedia and everything.

Thanks to Sylvia F., Kelli W., Patty S., Kati C., Bunny G., and Eleanor B. for the wicked awesome history lesson.

Wait. This Calls for CAKE.

Jen — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 14:00:46 +0000

Jill S. writes,

"This cake was just sitting out at the local [name withheld so they won't sue me], where they evidently set (celebratory? awareness? cautionary?) cakes out for (forgetful? vengeful? thankful?) shoppers to buy. Other than that, I really have no explanation for the cake. At least it was properly spelled and punctuated."

Now, I'm not really sure what I was expecting when I opened the attached picture...

but it wasn't this:

Sooo...

should I bring the ice cream?