Bye Bye, Jekyll & Hyde

Is Your Situation Critical?

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Thu, 31 May 2012 09:17:00 +0000

Your situation is critical if the following applies to you:

You express your opinions less and less freely
You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say something
You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge
You find yourself making excuses for your partner’s behaviour
You feel emotionally unsafe
You feel its somehow not OK to talk with others about your relationship
You hope things will change - especially through your love and understanding
You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality
You doubt your own judgment
You doubt your abilities
You feel vulnerable and insecure
You are becoming increasingly depressed
You feel increasingly trapped and powerless
You have been or are afraid of your partner
Your partner has physically hurt you, even once

Futility Part One

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 01:54:00 +0000

Futility Part Two

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 01:52:00 +0000

Futility Part Two

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 01:52:00 +0000

4 Forensic Psychology Studies That Can Keep You From Being Stupid -- Science of the Spirit -- Sott.net

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 23:50:00 +0000

4 Forensic Psychology Studies That Can Keep You From Being Stupid -- Science of the Spirit -- Sott.net: http://www.sott.net/articles/show/234927-4-Forensic-Psychology-Studies-That-Can-Keep-You-From-Being-Stupid

Psychopathy is a Personality Disorder

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 00:07:00 +0000

clip #1 / FisheadMovie:

'via Blog this'

You're Not Alone If... - LIGHT'S HOUSE

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 12:28:00 +0000

You're Not Alone If... - LIGHT'S HOUSE

Inside the mind of a Psychopath: June 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 14:52:00 +0000

Inside the mind of a Psychopath: June 2009

Infidelity Rage: Cheating Revenge Video: Throwing Your Husband's St...

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 22:55:00 +0000

Infidelity Rage: Cheating Revenge Video: Throwing Your Husband's St...: "I had to laugh at this because you can feel the fury going on inside of her. If you've ever been cheated on, then you know what she is feeli..."

Hidden Victims

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 22:56:00 +0000

The Ultimate in Blame-Shifting

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Tue, 10 May 2011 07:47:00 +0000

http://www.rgj.com/article/20110504/NEWS01/105040397/Convicted-Reno-murderer-blames-shooting-death-ex-wife-rebuffing-him?odyssey=nav|head

Brief Message To My Ex

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 20:12:00 +0000

If you quit lying about me, I’ll quit telling the truth about you

Freedom from toxic people: Ns are WORSE than Spoiled Rotten Children

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 09:54:00 +0000

Freedom from toxic people: Ns are WORSE than Spoiled Rotten Children

Help! I'm Divorcing a Narcissist | Psychology Today

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 09:15:00 +0000

Help! I'm Divorcing a Narcissist | Psychology Today

I hit my wife in self-defence, says fathers' rights activist - UK News - News - WalesOnline

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 08:14:00 +0000

I hit my wife in self-defence, says fathers' rights activist - UK News - News - WalesOnline

You May Need To Use The Stairs

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 15:55:00 +0000

If you keep pressing the elevator button and it still doesn't work, accept that the elevator is broken.

Then get out and use the stairs

Joanna Ashmun RIP

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 23:55:00 +0000

_____________________________

Joanna Ashmun
16th November 1948 to 2nd November 2009

RIP

'Not ever gone
Just moved on'

With grateful thanks to Joanna Ashmun for her words of

wisdom (www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/)

and heartfelt sympathy to her family and loved ones.

______________________________

Steve the Psychopath

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 00:25:00 +0000

Dreams, Nightmares, Analogies and Prophecies

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 18:57:00 +0000

For various reasons, people have often said to me, "Gosh, you must be psychic" in response to one of my frequent, but mainly hidden and kept to myself, 'sixth-sense' moments.
I intuitively know who is on the line when the phone rings. I can sense when a visitor is going to call on me and who that visitor will be. When someone I haven't seen for years pops into my head, I always run into them within days.

One day in early 1997, before the Princess of Wales had met Dodi Fayed and long before their relationship was known about publicly, I went to work and told colleagues about a dream I had the night before. I dreamt that I had woken up to hear that Diana and her new boyfriend, whoever that was had been killed in a car crash.

In my teens, I had a 'thing' about Dracula.

It wasn't Christopher Lee the actor that enthralled me, it was the Hammer House of Horror character he played so seductively. I put a huge poster of said Prince of Darkness above my bed and dreamed about marrying him.

Recently I was telling someone about my ex-husband, explaining to her why I had slowly been emotionally withdrawing from him before our marriage finally collapsed.

Without thinking about what I was saying, I came out with this:
"...I had to pull away to survive....he was draining the life out of me and if I had tried to keep up the relentless giving, he would have emptied me completely ..I would have been a vacant shell like him.....one of the undead....".

© SMBetts

Brilliant book - Character Disturbance by Dr. George Simon

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 21:49:00 +0000

Relationship Trouble? Might be Narcissism

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 15:39:00 +0000

Relationship Trouble? Might be Narcissism

Reset Buttons

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 16:07:00 +0000

People who use reset buttons:

Disappear for periods of time and return unchallenged.

Leave you for someone else and then start calling you up or trying to see you behind their back.

Have zero respect for boundaries.

Have little or no empathy for you or others. They’re me, me, me, it’s all about me.

Make promises and then renege.

Only do things on their terms even when they pretend they’re meeting you half way or doing things ‘your way’.

Avoid discussions that will throw light on their actions.

Borrow and take from people and feel no need to return. These are the types of people that borrow money and make it ‘subtlety’ difficult for you to ask where it is.

Call/email/text/turn up on your doorstep after you cut contact.

Claim they don’t understand why you’re so mad at them or have a problem.

Expect to be taken back without question.

Expect to have their promises that they have changed to be accepted even though they refuse to acknowledge or accept what the issues were.

Share the burden of their behaviour by blaming everyone else but themselves for their actions. If they can’t blame people, they blame ‘obstacles’ that don’t exist.

Expect to be forgiven even when they have no intentions of being any different.

Have people to default or fallback on who will always be receptive to them. They flit around from person to person, group to group, and back and forth. They teach people over time that it’s not worth the conflict by trying to get them to understand what has happened.

Make you feel like you’re going mad by denying things have happened or even denying they’ve said something or accusing you of twisting it.

Believe that when people get back together, they don’t need to discuss ‘the past’ and that they should just be accepted back if their partners really ‘love’ them which conveys the message that people who love you don’t question your behaviour and accept it no matter how bad it is – which is not true.

Tell you ‘It’s in the past’ or ‘Stop bringing up old sh*t’ and then bring up the past themselves when they try to take cheap shots at your expense.

To read the rest of this article, please click here

Conceptual Clarity

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 02:00:00 +0000

by the late Kathy Krajco
While looking for links to resources for the abused, I stumbled across an interesting article entitled Conceptual Clarity: The difference between moral and strategic behaviour in understanding the perpetrator of domestic violence (a 4-page PDF document) by David J.H. Garvin, the Program Director of Alternatives to Domestic Aggression, a program of Catholic Relief Services in Michigan.

You can see the article here or here.

It isn't about NPD per se, but the points he makes apply 100% to abusers suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Frankly, I bet his ideas are politically incorrect enough that only the Catholic Relief Services would tolerate them. They understand that some people are just, well . . . BAD.

Okay?

I noticed the failure to grasp this in the comments at The Happy Feminist. Some of those commentators just didn't get it. They acted like NPD is just a kind of quirkiness. I suppose this stems from the idiotic notion that it's okay not to tell people you love them if that's hard for you -- they must assume that you do and that poor, poor you just finds it hard to say so. Baloney, if you can't say you love someone, you don't love them. Period. When they are your own children, the only sensible thing for them to assume is that you are a pathetic excuse for a human being, incapable of love.

Good people are NOT incapable of love. Only a heart of malice is.

Dante remarked at the same inability of humanism, or pure philosophy, to grasp the fact that some folks need no motive other than pure, unadulterated malice to do what they do. He shows this by telling of how Virgil was completely perplexed by the Harpies at the Gates of Nether Hell. It took a man of religion to show him that "They just did that because they hate everybody, not because they had any sane reason for doing such a thing."

Garvin points out, much more aptly than I have, that abusers do what they for RESULTS. Period. They disregard the morality of what they do. He puts their attitude this way: "I want what I want, and I want it now." No other consideration is worthy of weight in their choices. To hell with whether getting it is right or wrong. To hell with the consequences to you. (Just like a three-year-old.)

For example, one may believe the answer is an anger control problem. Saying that a batterer has an anger control problem is like saying Luciano Pavarotti needs vocal lessons. Batterers use their anger instrumentally and strategically. If a situation calls for the effective use of anger, the batter will summon his anger to do the job. The batterer may, just as effectively use his sorrow, sadness or shame to also be an effective and coercive means to establish maintain or regain control. Simply stated, battering is purposeful, instrumental and strategic behaviour designed to bring about a result.

Yes!

It is my opinion that battering is 100% premeditated. Consider that there are two “types” of premeditation. One that would meet the legal definition of premeditation; and the other a logical and cognitive and behavioural understanding. In the case of the former one could posit that your reading of this article was to gain a better understanding into the dynamics of the batterer and that you are reading this article, not “by accident”. The second understanding of premeditation entails an understanding of “patterned behaviour.” Patterned behaviour is that which we have done with enough frequency, that we have now become proficient at it and no longer necessitates the focus and attention, which it once did. An example of this could be as simple as tying ones shoes.

I have tried to say the same thing, but I didn't achieve this degree of clarity. From early childhood, narcissists learn that certain behaviour gets them what they want. It takes no Einstein: a two-year-old learns that throwing a fit will get him what he wants! Narcissists and other bullies CHOOSE to never grow beyond that and consider other aspects of the choices they make -- like...

Will it hurt that person for me to do this?
Will it be moral for me to do this?
What might the future consequences be if I anger this person by doing this?
Will it be good for the company's business?
Will it be good for my child's mental health?

None of that matters to these grown brats!

Their choices are as simple as can be: Will doing this get me what I
want right now? If so, then I'll do it. No matter what.

In other words, their choices are binary decisions, like a computer's. It takes no thinking at all for them to make such a decision. That's why they are so impulsive and machinelike. That's why their behaviour is knee-jerk reactions.

In everything you or I do, we consider maybe three or four or even more things before making the decision of how to react to a stimulus -- even in the space of the few seconds we have to respond to another person in conversation. But narcissists have only one thing to consider: Will it get me what I want right now? Or not?

So, they aren't as smart as they seem: they're just experienced manipulators making binary decisions like a computer does.

And most of their behaviour is pure habit or conditioned reflex, like tying your shoes. Which means they have practiced a certain type of reaction so much, that they automatically react that way to a certain type of thing; without needing to think at all about it anymore? For example, tell them to stop treating you like dirt. They long ago learned that to get you to shut up they should whine, "WAAH! Get off my back!" So, when you tell them to quit treating you like dirt, it's automatic, like pushing the buttons on a Chatty Cathy doll.

But that's only because this blowback-in-your-face reaction works: it crams your words back down your throat. So, it has become a habit for the narcissist to do that, like tying his shoes. Not an accident. Not something he can't control. Just a damned habit.

Garvin also attacks the common fallacy of citing an abuser's childhood and other "factors" as excuses or causes for what he does. I have noticed this too. In every list of risk factors for domestic violence, you have two kinds of items: legitimate ones that indicate how near to crossing that line the abuser may be and illegitimate ones that merely indicate the ability or opportunity to overpower someone.

Both get smashed together in people's heads as CAUSES of domestic violence. Sorry, but access to guns does not cause domestic homicide any more that access to cars causes reckless homicide by driving while intoxicated. If we muddle such things as fuzzy CAUSES, then just being a man is a cause of violence, so we should view all men with suspicion. Or just being bigger than whomever you're mad at is a cause, so we should view the large with suspicion. Or just living in the same town or state is a CAUSE. All these "FACTORS" aren't factors at all. And we could list a million of them, so why do people with Big-Brother type agendas always list only a certain few of their favourites?

The Great Theft

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 23:05:00 +0000

Once you have escaped from the narcissist, there are a great many issues you will have to face, and often you read that the worst aspect of having been close to a narcissist is the fact that everything has been a lie. This is true in a sense, so the author argues, which is even worse than the victim might expect initially.

So the question: Why should it be so bad that everything - or almost everything - has been a lie? Well, the problem is not so much the fact that the narcissist has lied to the victim as such, worse is that through the lies of the narcissist that you as the victim have expressed feelings and ideas which were genuinely your feelings and ideas. Hence, you now find yourself in the position where you are not sure about your own integrity.

It is one thing to confess to someone that you are in love with her or him and yet quite another to go to the extreme of of claiming soul mateship, ultimate closeness and display feelings and actions which are to confirm such feelings. The problem arises not per se but in the context of finding love and affection elsewhere. This is, the victim, who suffered under the hand of a narcissist, has to ask her/himself the question how (s)he possibly can express feelings previously expressed to the narcissist have turned out to be untrue. So if those feelings expressed previously expressed turned out to be a lie how then can the victim trust her/himself now that these feelings are not untrue.

In short: The narcissist has robbed you, the victim, of your authenticity and integrity. To learn to trust yourself and to believe yourself is a task which will not be easy to accomplish. And the only help at hand is the knowledge that you were genuine with your feelings and that you had been tricked into an emotional situation which ultimately was out of your control. Your task will be to reclaim your feelings and emotions in the real world and to overcome fears of expressing such feelings in the real world. Every little step towards this is a success.

Just remember that the potential for finding a genuine and loving relationship still exists within you. But just as you don't hand out your bank details to just anybody, you do not hand out your affection to just anybody. Most people, so it appears, struggle so badly in life that they are not looking for love but for help. If you offer them your love instead of help, you both will go under. Whether you can afford to offer them help is something you have to consider very carefully too. It might be a better idea to work for social security in general instead of helping someone you think you are in love with.

Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl

No Silence Here Folks

noreply@blogger.com (Liberty) — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 22:02:00 +0000

If any of the people who have been so cruel, deceitful, abusive and treacherous to me and/or my children (directly or indirectly) happen to be reading this; here is a message just for you -

"If you don’t want anyone to know what you did, then you should not have done it. If you don’t want anyone to know what you do, then don’t do it."