Brodi Ashton

New Book: DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY... and guess who the main love interest is based on?

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi ashton) — Sun, 01 Mar 2015 02:23:00 +0000

Hey y'all!

So, I'm venturing back into the bloggerverse, with a possible side trip into vloggerville. First of all, some book news. Since I finally turned in my latest book, and am anxiously awaiting revision notes, I thought I should at least blog about the book.

Here's the blurb from the goodreads page about DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY: A standalone novel about a recent scholarship recipient who sets out to expose debauchery at her exclusive private school in Washington, D.C., only to find herself falling in love with the baddest boy of all.

Feel free to support me by marking it as to-read!

If you are wondering who I based the main character's love interest on, you need only be a regular reader of my blog. From back when I blogged regularly.

Here's a hint, abs first:

Any guesses?

The main love interest even shares the same first name as my longtime crush.

Let me know if you know what I know about the guy based on the guy from my dreams. Also, if the preceding sentence made sense, you might be CIA.

As an update on me, and myself, and the ever-present "I", I am recovering from a year-long bad hair day. It's not terminal, but it did prevent me from blogging.

Also, is anybody else so excited about M*A*S*H* being available on Netflix? I can't believe there are actually episodes I have never seen.

Also, if you're in the New York area on March 10th, I'll be appearing at Books of Wonder. Come and see me!

Okay, that's all for now. Hugs and kisses.

My Puppy Ate a Bee. That is not a Euphemism.

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Wed, 13 Aug 2014 19:38:00 +0000

Let me start out this post by saying my puppy is totally fine.

But this morning, Jewels was sitting on the porch, and this bee starts flying around her head. She watches it for a few seconds, and then she leaps toward it and gulps it down.

Yep. My puppy ate a bee.

She shook her head several times, which makes sense because bees can be hard to swallow.

I want to ask her about her thought process.

Was it like this:

Hey! It's flying... It's yellow... It has a stinger... It must be FOOD!!!

Or maybe:

I wonder if it will still make that buzzing sound on the inside? I MUST KNOW!!

Or maybe:

If I ingest it, I might acquire its powers. I've always wanted to fly! (Spoiler alert: she can't fly).

It's not like she was hungry. She'd just had breakfast and a puppy treat. No, she made a conscious decision to eat the bee, and then she snatched it out of the air like a frog would snatch a fly.

Kid C is very worried about her. After all, there's a chance the bee might sting Jewels on its way out. I tried to assure him that Jewels' digestive juices will probably disintegrate the stinger. Because these are things moms just know. Mother's intuition, call it. Like don't swim after eating... I know you're hiding something behind your back... Puppy digestive juices will take care of a stinger pre-defecation...

She's sleeping peacefully right now. That is hopefully a sign the bee is dead.

We learned a powerful lesson today, which is: How do you eat a bee? One bite at a time.

My Latest Book News! And introducing the Lady Janies.

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Thu, 07 Aug 2014 21:27:00 +0000

Hey y'all!

So some of you mentioned the fact that my writing advice introductory video http://youtu.be/f1hUdo0PsbA doesn't have any actual writing advice.

This is for two reasons:

1. It's an introductory video.

2. Mama always said, if you want the milk, you have to milk the cow.

Wait a second. She said if you want to pay for milk, you have to buy a cow. No, wait. If you want to attract a cow, don't buy milk from another cow. Actually I'm not sure how the saying goes. But I'm pretty sure she meant, "If you want writing advice, you'll have to wait until the person giving the advice makes a video about it."

Secondly, I have some great news! I'm writing a book with my besties Cynthia Hand (the Unearthly series) and Jodi Meadows (the Incarnate series) and HarperCollins just bought it!

Here's the announcement:

Told in the vein of The Princess Bride!

Comic retelling of a girl who was queen for nine days and then got her head chopped off! Hilarious!

We are so excited! Here is our own YouTube discussion of the project, and our introduction to the Lady Janies YouTube channel! (You can subscribe if you feel so inclined. We will have lots of fun stuff going on there, like giveaways and shenanigans and chaos).

So, that's the latest!

My New Series on Writing Advice... and... a Puppy!

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi ashton) — Tue, 29 Jul 2014 17:57:00 +0000

Hey y'all.

So my break from blogging turned out to be a really really big break from blogging. But I had a good excuse. I was getting my nails done.

Not to go all poetic on your bums, but I can't help it: My intended break was but a drop, my actual break was an ocean. My intended break was a grain of sand, my actual break was the beach. My intended break was the color red, my actual break was the number 42. (Okay, by now, I'm not even following along).

The previous paragraph might make you think, "Why would I ever take writing advice from the author of that odious passage?"

To which I answer, "Aren't you impressed I used the phrase 'odious passage?'" Without even googling "phrases only erudite people say"?

I feel that I might be losing you. So, I will randomly insert a picture of my new cute puppy. She fell asleep while eating my shoe.

There. Do I have your attention again? Excellent. So, onto the writing advice series. Every writing advice series needs an introductory video. So, here is the introductory video. It is only 30 seconds long, but it will tell you everything you need to know about my writing advice series. And... it might just save your life.

I am also going to update my books page and appearances page. Because I'm pretty sure I've had a third book come out. And I'm pretty sure I have a couple of more announcements to make regarding forthcoming books.

So... what have y'all been up to this past year? Any news to celebrate? Any annoying people in your life to curse? My favorite way to get back at people is to make a voodoo doll of the offender, and then, while the doll is asleep, stick the doll's hand in a bowl of warm water. I will be happy to help any of you to do that.

EVERTRUE LAUNCH, and Heads Up, Austin and Nashville

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 13 Jan 2014 20:49:00 +0000

Hello Lovelies!

Just a heads up:

The final book in the Everneath trilogy, EVERTRUE, is coming out a week from tomorrow. A WEEK FROM TOMORROW!

Y'all are invited to a launch party that night!

January 21st, 2013
at The King's English
7:00 p.m.

Here are some other Appearances I'll be making!

Austin, Texas
January 28, 2014
6:30pm – The Book Spot (Round Rock) – with Jodi Meadows

Nashville, Tennessee
January 31, 2014
6:30pm -- Parnassus – with Jodi Meadows, C.J. Redwine, and Myra McEntire

I'm Baaaaaaaaack! And let me tell you about a Great Writer's Conference!

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi ashton) — Fri, 06 Sep 2013 17:24:00 +0000

(Imagine the title of this blog said in a creepy "Jack Nicholson" All-Work-And-No-Play kind of voice.)

(Oh wait... He never says "I'm baaaaaaack", right? He says "Heeeeeeeere's Johnny".)

(So which movie has the guy saying, "I'm baaaaaaaaack?")

(Should a blog post start out with this many parentheses?)

(No)

Hey y'all! I'm back from my summer blogging break. You didn't know I was taking a summer blogging break, did you? Well, neither did I. But the suits who run this blog (they don't exist) insisted I take a break (because I'm totally lazy).

(By the way, we have officially reached the world record for "Most Parentheses in a Single Blog Post.")

(They will be awarding me the Parenthetical Crown tonight in a special ceremony).

(Do periods go outside the parentheses? Or inside?.).

Anyway, the reason I'm here is to tell you about an awesome writing conference! For writers! It's this thing:

(contrary to what is being advertised, no writers will be put under literal construction)

I will be delivering the keynote address. Which means I will be using my entire repertoire of cuss words (because I swear like a sailor when I'm nervous).

Here's what the organizers have to say: “The $49 includes a catered lunch and the day offers networking opportunities and book signings with our authors. Whether writing fiction, non-fiction, or for adults, young adults, or children, there’ll be something for everyone.”

Are you a writer who would like to connect with other writers, be inspired, or learn some crafty stuff? Then this is the place for you! You can register here.

Also, for those of you who will be at Salt Lake Comic Con, I'll be speaking on a panel Saturday at noon. And if that isn't enough to entice you to go, I will be wearing an elf costume.

Hope to see you at either of these thingees!

Now... how was your summer?

My Adventure at the RT Convention... and Other Stuff. With Pictures!

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Tue, 28 May 2013 02:07:00 +0000

So I've been hesitant to blog lately. The reasons for this are twofold: (Seriously, I look for any excuse to say the word "twofold" or "threefold" or "thricefold". I don't know why)

1. Because it's been a few weeks, and I would have a lot to catch y'all up on...

2. There is no two. (Remember the extremes I go to just to use the word "twofold"?)

But now I just have to bite the bullet. And it tastes metally.

Here's what I've been doing the last few weeks (and the accompanying pictures):

Sold books at the EDGEFEST concert in Dallas Texas...

(Answering the age old question: Can authors jump simultaneously?? Um... almost, but no.)

Then I went to the Romantic Times Convention in Kansas City. I knew I was in the right place, because here is the room key...

I further knew because he was waiting for me in my room. Kidding.

I also knew I was in the right place because there was a giant poster for Sharon Page...

Oh, and for me too!

One of the best parts of the convention is getting together with author friends, old and new!

A table full of YA Authors, including: Suzanne Lazear, Josephine Angelini, Victoria Scott, Kiera Cass, Amy Plum... and more)

On a whim, as I was passing a haircuttery in a mall, I bounced in and chopped my locks! And then the hair dresser was like, "Stop chopping your own locks! I'll cut it! I'll CUT IT!"

Do not adjust your screen. That's not a boy you see there, that's me!

I met the guy (Brady!) who filmed both of my awesome book trailers...

Brady, sizing me up and making the correct decision NOT to put me in the EVERTRUE trailer...)

And just because it was a random weekend, have you ever wondered what an elevator full of YA authors looks like?

We made many great memories in that elevator... And by memories, I mean we rode it up, and then down as needed.

I signed books in between Jennifer Armentrout and Leigh Bardugo...

Leigh said she was pulling a "Ned Stark". And if you get that, then I love you.

Did I mention hanging out with a billion YA Authors?

Okay, not quite a billion. Just under.

And when the food didn't come soon enough...

I tried out the panorama button on my iPhone...

Male model sandwich!

Seriously, friends for life...

(CJ Omololu, Zoraida Cordova, Victoria Scott, Corinne Jackson, Tamera Ireland Stone)

I signed a buttload of books (remember, the "buttload" is an actual unit of measurement: A butt is defined to be 2 hogsheads, which in the US is 63 gallons)...

Many thanks to HarperCollins for sponsoring so many events, and for providing 63 gallons of books!

I also attended the Whitney Awards Gala with a table full of my favorite people...

(including my agent Michael Bourret, My mom, Jeff Savage and his wife, James Dashner and his wife...)

Oh yeah. I won a Whitney Award too...

Took me a while to figure out I could actually open the trophy, like a book. Okay, my agent had to point it out to me. He's so good at his job.

Phew. That was a lot. Now I feel like I can blog more regular-like, without my head exploding. (because there are currently brain bits splattered across my screen).

So... what have y'all been up to??????????????????? Ew. A brain bit just made the question key stick...

How I look to my Kid on this Mother's Day...

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Sun, 12 May 2013 22:25:00 +0000

My Mother's Day Portrait, by Kid C.

Before you judge, just know that I've always needed bigger arms to counteract my abnormally tiny legs...

Other than that, it's spot on. Long hair, constant smile, and no nose. That happens to be the look I strive for when I'm getting ready in the morning.

Kid B made me a potted planter, full of pipe cleaners in the shape of flowers.

When I picked the pot up, he changed his mind and decided it was for him. After accusing me of stealing it, he grabbed it out of my hands, emptied it of pipe cleaners and straightened each one of them out. Once there was no trace of the flower shapes, he took the fake grass and sprinkled it on the living room floor.

Seeing my forlorn expression, he handed me a wadded up candy wrapper and said, "Happy Mother's Day."

me (looking at the decimated carnage that was once a mother's day pot, and then at the garbage in my hand): "Um... thank you?"

him (beaming): "You're welcome!"

Happy Mother's Day to all of you women out there, kids or no kids, flowers or just pipe cleaners. And to those fathers pulling double duty. What did all y'all do today?

How When it Comes to Love, My Mom Duped me. And then I Duped Kid C

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 20:36:00 +0000

My mama always told me to keep the guys guessing, and never let 'em see you swoon. So the other day, Kid C was talking to me about a few girls that he likes. I tried to dispense a little bit of similar motherly advice.

me: "So, you know, if you like a girl, you might want to play it cool-"

Kid C holds his hand up, as if to say I got this.

Kid C: "I know, mom. I know. It's called 'playing hard to get'."

I guess I've been talking to him about it more than I thought.

me: "So what do you think that means?"

Kid C: "It means I avoid her. And I tell her that I like other girls. I don't go as far as to tell her I hate her, or trip her or anything, but I make sure she knows I don't like her much, and I'd rather be near someone else."

me (with a sigh, thinking I may have overshot the whole "playing hard to get" lesson for years...): "Okay, let's start over. Let's practice starting a conversation with her."

Kid c: (BLANK LOOK)

me: "You know, like 'Hey! How are you?'"

Kid C: (BLANK LOOK)

And I realize it's too late. I've already indoctrinated him with the hard to get mentality. Suddenly, my high school social life (or lack thereof) flashes before my eyes.

I remember my agent, after reading my book, said to me, "It seems like the main character doesn't like the main love interest very much."

I was stunned. I was all, "She LOVES him! How did you not get that?"

He's all, "Well how does she show it?"

Me: "Didn't you see her run out of the room every time he walked in? And then that one scene where she yells at him? and tells him she hates him?? If that's not love..." My voice faded off.

Him: "Um... Yeah..."

Me (lightning strikes): "Ahhhhh. That's not love." And then, shaking my fist in the air: "CURSES MOM!! I was DUPED!"

I'm so sorry, Kid C.

What I've Been Doing... NOT Licking Thor, that's for sure.

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 03:08:00 +0000

Okay, so I've had a few not-so-subtle nudges from blog readers, friends and family members (I'm totally looking at you, Jacksons) about putting up a new blog post.

Here's what happened: I turned in the last round of edits on EVERTRUE (I still call it Everneath 3: It's Everneathiest) and then did you know there's an off switch in your brain? A literal off switch? That's the only explanation for what I've been doing during the last couple of weeks. Somebody flipped the off switch.

I mean, I've done some of the usual stuff...

Like now you see it...

because what's a barber shop without a pool table and a lei?

Now you don't.

... that's a handsom face in the mirror... wait, is that moi?

Now you see it...

Isn't she cute?

Now you don't.

It's a boy!

I kicked some balls...

...and pulled a hamstring. (This was also the "before the concussion" pic)

I consulted with my godfather...

... he told me to go to the mattresses. So I went to just the one mattress. And fell asleep.

I danced with Fred Astaire. But I have to admit, I felt like a third wheel...

... Um, Fred? Fred? I'm over here, Fred.
Okay, Fred, this is getting ridiculous. It's like you don't think we're dancing together.

I used my feminine wiles... all two of them...

... That's right, Ben. I totally pulled my hammy right here...
And you see this leg? I've got another one just like it. And it goes all the way up... to my hip.

And finally, I let Thor know that I really lick him.. I mean like him...

Because if you were this close to Thor, you'd lick him too. Admit it.

So yeah, I've been totally busy.

What have all y'all been up to?

Because EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest is a tad cumbersome... Here's the Real Title

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 17:28:00 +0000

So, after what feels like months being underwater with revisions... (wait a second... it WAS months) EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest is now officially in copyedits!

Which means it's basically done!

(I say basically, because copyedits still have to be done, but it's like mostly done. Like, medium well.)

So now, without further ado... (adieu? adoo?) I'd like to introduce y'all to the real title of EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest. Because EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest is not the real title, although I have greatly enjoyed typing EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest over and over and over.

The title is...

EVERTRUE

I really like this title. I hope you do too.

And now... to collapse.

My Week in Pictures... L.A. Version

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 16:49:00 +0000

I'm in Los Angeles for work this week. Here's what my week in pictures looks like:

You can't go to L.A. without seeing Universal Studios, right? I think you get fined if you try...

Cynthia Hand (author of the Unearthly Series), me, Jodi Meadows (author of the Incarnate Series).
We wore our hair in pigtails so we could find each other easily.

We met lots of crazy characters...

like Shrek and Fiona...

Why is Fiona so mad?

And the Scooby Gang...

Did you notice that Daphne tried to put her hair in pigtails too?

And Curious George...

Curious George was a little too curious about my pigtails. He kept pulling on one of them, and then he'd shrug innocently as if to say, "Hey! I'm a monkey!" Like that excuses it...

And a random set of Asian brothers...

Spotted them sitting in the middle of the cafeteria, blending in with everyone...

To cap off the day, I ate my weight in cotton candy. And that, let me tell you, is a lot of cotton candy.

Objects in picture are much larger than they appear... Except my cheeks. Those are about spot on.

The next day, we spoke to a novel-writing class at Pepperdine University, whose campus is so beautiful it should be illegal. I'm not jealous.

The three of us with with the ugly coastline and mediocre deep blue sea in the background. Gross.

Then we had lunch at a place in Malibu by the ocean...

How come everything in California is by the ocean? Don't they care that they're making the rest of us insanely jealous? I hate every person in this picture.

By which point, hubs accused me of playing and not working. So, just to appease him, I got to work.

I always carry my purse while jackhammering...

That pothole on Generic Street in Manhattan is now fixed.

You're welcome, New York.

By the way, I'll be appearing at the Barnes and Noble in Westlake tomorrow night at 7pm with Cynthia Hand and Jodi Meadows.

And then on Saturday, we will be at Books Inc. in Mountain View California at 5:00 pm.

Anyone in the L.A. or San Fran areas? Come out and say hi.

So... what are y'all up to? Anyone jackhammer a pothole lately?

In Which the Consequences for Losing my Pillbox are Disastrous

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 20:36:00 +0000

I have a husband who fills my pillbox for me weekly. The reason for this is two-fold: 1. I'm too lazy to fill my own pillbox. I really can't be bothered to flip lids and divvy out pills. 2. I'm forgetful. I really can't be bothered to remember.

I know, you'd want to be married to that too, right?

Well, about a week before my deadline, I misplaced my pill box. But because I was staying up late most nights to write, I never got a chance to tell hubs. So every night, at like 1 am, I would go to the medicine cabinet and just grab my pills individually.

Fast forward a few days. Let me paint you a picture.

I woke up in the morning and felt the need for an omelet with a side of a brick of chocolate. So I ate an omelet and a brick of chocolate. Then I went to the grocery store and bought a giant bag of corn chips and a big jar of that nacho cheese, and came home and melted the cheese and ate the entire thing. Then, for the leftover chips, I grated a bunch of cheese and melted it directly on top.

Then I went to the gas station to buy five packages of grape Hi-Chews. And the gas station attendant was all, "Hey! I haven't seen you since last night. You already need five more packages of candy?"

And I was all *flips him off*

Then I went to a birthday lunch for my sis-in-law, and I ordered one meal to eat at the restaurant and one to take home.

And then when I got home - and feeling the need for vegetables - I made myself some creamy cilantro dressing and steamed an entire bag of broccoli and dipped the broccoli in the dressing, but the dressing wasn't enough so I got another jar of nacho sauce so I could dip the broccoli in the cheese first and then the dressing.

And with a full mouth, I called into the other room, "Sam! Can you make a run to Wendy's for me?"

And he's all, "I can't understand you, due to the fact that your mouth is filled with broccoli/nacho stuffs."

And I'm all, "CAN YOU MAKE A RUN TO WENDY'S FOR ME??"

And he's all, "Talking louder will not make you easier to understand. You have to empty your mouth first."

And I'm all, "Empty my mouth? So there's no food in it? Death first!"

And he's all, "Seriously, swallow!"

So, with a dramatic eye roll, I swallowed and didn't put anything new in my mouth so I could ask him, "Can you make a run to Wendy's for me?"

He gave me a surprised look, partly because I'd never in the history of our marriage asked him to make a run to Wendy's for me, and partly because I had just eaten ALL THE FOOD.

He's all, "Um... okay. What do you want?"

me: "Two baked potatoes, with everything, and a large chili. Extra cheese. Hold the chives. Because chives are gross. And a frosty."

Him: "..."

me (putting another nacho-broccoli in my mouth because I've waited long enough): "What?"

him: "You want TWO baked potatoes? AND the large chili?"

me: "WHAT ABOUT GETTING ME THREE DINNERS DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND???"

Later that night, I went to the medicine cabinet to get my pills, and I saw an extra prescription bottle in the top right corner. I looked at the label. It was for my pills.

Then I looked at the prescription bottle I'd just taken a pill from. It was prednisone. A steroid for people who can't breathe. It was also a dosage for a large man.

One of the side effects of the pill is INCREASED HUNGER.

I'd been taking prednisone for AN ENTIRE WEEK. While I was on DEADLINE. (I think another side effect is putting every fifth word in ALL CAPS).

You can probably guess what happened next.

Yep. I got so mad at Sam for not noticing I was taking the wrong pill all week, and for the freshman fifteen I'd put on.

He's so sorry.

By the way, I'll be at the Provo Library tonight at 7pm with the Dark Days tour. That is, if I can fit in my car.

Guess what I can do with a Parrot on my Shoulder?

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 23:36:00 +0000

Hey y'all! How's it going? I feel like I haven't seen you (yes, you!) forever. I've been flailing under a deadline for Book 3 in the Everneath series, tentatively titled "EVERNEATH 3: It's Everneath-iest".

Here are a couple of things I've been doing:

1. I've made my acting debut!

Yep, that's me in the book trailer for Lindsey Leavitt's darling new book GOING VINTAGE. Give it a looksy...

A few things I noticed while watching this video.

a. I blink a lot.
b. There's a chance that if flattened out, my cheeks would reach from here to Milwaukee.
c. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO LOOK AT YOUR PHONE AND LAUGH ON CUE??

What do all y'all think of the trailer?

2. I will be appearing with the Dark Days tour on Wednesday night, March 6th, at 7 pm at the Provo Library.

Did you catch a glimpse of the other fabulous authors who will be there? Kiersten White? Dan Wells? Lauren Oliver? Debra Driza?

It is going to be quite the event, full of shenanigans and I'm sure several instances where I insert my foot in my mouth. (Did I tell you about my first stop on the Dark Days tour in L.A.? Where an audience member asked, "How do you like doing so much research for your books?" and I answered, "Yuck. I don't do any research. I HATE READING."

Yep. "I hate reading," she said to a room full of readers at a book event. It's a good thing no one in the audience had a phone or an internet connection. Oh, wait...

3. Tonight, at some point, the behind-the-scenes video of the Dark Days tour will be up. I don't want to give anything away, but if you watch it, you'll discover why Cynthia Hand and I shared a bag of underwear.

Follow @harperteen to find the link. It will be up tonight. At some given hour. Have I ever told y'all that I'm not good with details? Like times and stuff?

4. Since it's a day full of videos of myself, here's me playing the piano with Pidge on my shoulder. My hairless dog is filming. Because I live in a zoo.

5. And here is a video of me in my first ballet recital when I was eight.

Kidding. I won't show you that. :)

So, how was all y'all's week? Anyone adopt any hairless animals? Anyone want me to star in their book trailer? Anyone think they can draw a map of the United States on my cheeks?

How I Look to a Seven-Year Old...

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 19:28:00 +0000

Hey y'all!

So, Kid B came home the other day, proudly displaying this family portrait he'd drawn.

"Me, Carter, Dad, Mom"

Let's skip asking why Kid B has given himself two faces (is this some deep psychological self-awareness? Is it his inner muse? Or is the second face a pig face from Angry Birds? My money's on the Angry Birds theory) and take a closer look at me.

I agree he got the arms (flippers?) dead right. And my legs really are flatter on the inside. My bigger questions are... why am I number 4? Why is my torso divided in half? Okay, maybe that second question makes sense. Where did my fingers go? Did I lose them in a freak lawn mower accident?

My favorite part -- besides the accurate portrayal of the fact that my hair is falling out due to faulty flat irons -- is the lip-to-face ratio.

Apparently, I arrive at all destinations lips first.

Have you ever had one of those days where...

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 17:15:00 +0000

Hey y'all...

Sorry for the blog silence! I have been madly revising EVERNEATH 3: It's Everneath-iest, and touring with EVERBOUND.

I'll blog about the tour later, but for now, I was thinking of starting a new blog series called "Have you ever had one of those days where..." and then fill in the blank.

Today, I have two entries.

1. Have you ever had one of those days where... you adopt a hairless dog?

Let me preface this by saying, I have wanted a dog for my entire life. But someone else in my life has been having a crazy love affair with our lawn, and was hesitant to see any sort of yellow patches.

But for some reason, this week provided an opening in his cold cold black heart. Especially when we discovered that this little guy needed a home.

I know what you're thinking: Is that a rat?

No. He is a dog. A hairless terrier. Isn't he sweet?

I know what else you're thinking: Is he dressed like a clown?

Yes. He gets cold. What with no hair and all.

Might I interrupt this blog post to say that y'all ask excellent questions?

So yes, we are now the proud owners of CHEWBACCA. Yes, we named him. Yes, the name is ironic. But I think it gives him something to aspire to. Plus, when Kid B was clearly pulling ahead of Chewy in a raucous game of Space Chess, the wookie threatened to tear Kid B's arms off.

never make a wookie angry

Seriously, do not mess with this guy:

Even in his sleep, he is diabolical. And he sleeps A LOT

Last night I gave Chewy a bath, and then lathered him up with baby lotion, dressed him in new clean pajamas and rocked him to sleep.

Yes, I finally have a newborn.

2. Have you ever had one of those days where... you discover that you've been wearing keyboard instructions on your belly all day?

The other day, I came home and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Check it out:

Notice anything unusual?

Yep. That is the instruction sheet for how to set up the keyboard to my IPad.

Why couldn't it have been something cool like a map to atlantis?:

Don't zoom in too close. Not because I'm uncomfortable with having an extreme close-up of mah belly, but because that is the actual map to Atlantis, and I don't want it to get out there.

So... What's your day been like? Fill in the blank: Have you ever had one of those days where...

Or, you can just tell me if you think Chewy is the cutest rat you've ever seen...

Tour and Books

noreply@blogger.com (samandbrodi) — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 02:54:00 +0000

Hi Everyone,

This is Sam, Brodi's lovely husband. Brodi is currently on tour right now. If you live in the Atlanta area, Raleigh area and in Boston...she will be visiting you this week. Click HERE and you can see the times and locations of her visit. She is touring with some fabulous authors (Veronica Rossi, Cynthia Hand and Tahereh Mafi) and it should be a good time. When she gets back from this trip, she will give recaps of the book launch as well as the tour.

Also, Barnes and Noble and Amazon are offering a special $2.99 deal for EVERNEATH on the Nook or Kindle. Not sure how long this sale will last, but it is a great time to pick it up if want it as an ebook.

If you have any questions, let me know. If anyone wants to talk about the Super Bowl, I am also available for that as well.

All the things I've been doing before the Launch of EVERBOUND...

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 18:07:00 +0000

Hey y'all.

Sorry my blogging has been so sporadic. All I can say is...

And then every time I sat down to blog, I'd look at my interview pile, and my to-do list for the launch, and then I would sit there paralyzed, and I would do nothing.

But... tomorrow is the day. EVERBOUND hits shelves.

Here is what I've been doing instead of blogging:

I've been juggling all my balls...

Digging out of the snow...

Finally getting the courage up to play poker in Vegas... (you can see my name on the waiting list)

Selling tickets to this show...

Laughing at the pajamas my mom bought for my hubs and my brother-in-law...

Sitting in a bird... (trying to hide the fact that I'm wearing white socks)

Wearing a TAB hat...

Making a pilgrimage to the Mother Land...

Escaping the inversion with my sis...

And finally, the activity that took the longest time, straightening Kid C's hair.

I'm glad I got all this stuff taken care of before my book comes out tomorrow.

Speaking of launch parties, don't forget the launch for EVERBOUND (and Cynthia Hand's BOUNDLESS) is tomorrow night at 7:00 p.m. at The King's English. Come and party!

bonus: If you get your book signed, you'll get a guitar pick necklace.

double bonus: there will be food!

So... who's going to party with me tomorrow night???

Two Weeks to EVERBOUND Launch. It's Cool. I'm not Freaking out.

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 16:02:00 +0000

Happy 2013 y'all!

Wanna hear something crazy?

EVERBOUND comes out two weeks from tomorrow.

EVERBOUNDcomesouttwoweeksfromtomorrowEVERBOUNDcomesouttwoweeksfromtomorrowEVERBOUNDcomesouttwoweeksfromtomorrowEVERBOUNDcomesouttwoweeksfromtomorrow.

I don't know how it happened. It was always "Oh, sometime next year" and now it's suddenly NEXT YEAR.

Of course we're going to have a party. And you're invited. Yes, YOU!

EVERBOUND Launch Party
The King's English Bookshop
January 22nd, 2013
7:00 p.m.

My in-laws will be providing the food again, which means it will be epic. Also, I will be giving away guitar pick necklaces. So, come to the partay!

If you're not near Salt Lake City, I'm touring around the country. Check my appearances page to see if I'll be in a city near you.

I also have a deadline a week from today. So if you need me, um, be patient.

How was everyone's New Year? Which books are on your reading list? You don't have to say EVERBOUND... not at all.

Three Winners of EVERBOUND ARCs, and Santa-Dragon

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 17:35:00 +0000

Hey Y'all!

Thanks for entering last week's contest.

The winners are:

Vi Nguyen

Jana

Kristina Snyder

Email me your mailing addresses at brodiashton at gmail dot com. Congratulations!

And now, as a Christmas present to you all, enjoy my nieces' adventure through downtown Salt Lake City, and marvel at the fact that they weren't arrested.

Pre-Order NEVERFALL, and be entered to win one of several ARCs of EVERBOUND

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 21:35:00 +0000

Okay, folks. We are just over a week away from two exciting things.

One is Christmas.

But on the day after Christmas, December 26th (just in time for Christmas) (Kidding) the paperback edition of EVERNEATH releases, and the ebook novella NEVERFALL will be available!

For those of you who don't know, NEVERFALL is a novella (100 pages) told from Cole's Point of View. It takes place between the end of book one (EVERNEATH) and the beginning of book 2 (EVERBOUND).

Here's the blurb:

A thrilling new novella from the author of the Everneath series!

Jack is trapped for eternity in the Tunnels while Nikki has managed to evade Cole's grasp . . . for now. But Cole is more desperate than ever to find answers about Nikki, his best chance for taking over the throne of the underworld. How did she survive the Feed? Can Cole find another Forfeit like her who can survive it too?

Cole's quest leads him to the other side of the world, to a mysterious, dangerous society known as the Delphinians, whose price for information might be higher than Cole can pay—a price that could destroy Nikki. But when Cole attempts to steal the answers instead, his mission ends in disaster. Faced with centuries in a Delphinian dungeon, Cole is confronted with questions he's been too scared to ask himself: Is he really obsessed with the throne—or is he obsessed with Nikki? And can she really give him a new beginning as the Everneath's king . . . or will she instead bring about his tragic end?

To celebrate these events, I have a bunch of EVERBOUND ARCs to give away. So here's the deal. If you pre-order NEVERFALL ($2.99, available at Barnes and Noble, iTunes, and many other ebook places), you will be entered to win one of several copies of the EVERBOUND ARC!

All you have to do is pre-order it, leave me a comment telling me you pre-ordered it, and you're entered! Easy peezy.

Also, there is no way for me to check the validity of your pre-order, so I am counting on the honor system, and the fact that it would be silly to lie about two dollars and ninety-nine cents. If you're going to lie, lie about like a million dollars. In fact, have your hips leave the comment. (Because as we all know, hips don't lie).*

"Hips don't lie," quoth Shakira.

So, click here to order NEVERFALL, and then comment away! The more people entered, the more copies I'll give away.

Contest ends this Sunday. Winners announced on Monday. Just in time for Christmas.

*Kid B's hips totally lie. His pants are always falling down.

Bid on an ARC of EVERBOUND and support Newtown

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 17:51:00 +0000

This is probably the only thing I could blog about this morning, after the horrific events of Friday. (I have a first grader. I have decided to permanently attach him directly to me, by stitching his hip to my leg.)

The sweet people at Publishing Hearts are holding an auction of many items (books, critiques, packages from authors, agents and editors). All of the money goes to benefit the Newtown Youth and Family Services.

One of the items up for bid is an ARC of EVERBOUND. So, if you would like to make a donation to the families of Newtown, and win an ARC of EVERBOUND (or any of the other wonderful prizes up for bid), go to the Publishing Hearts website and follow their instructions. If you want to specifically bid on EVERBOUND, go here.

The auction just went live, so as of now, nobody has bid on EVERBOUND. So now's your chance. :) I'll throw the starting bid out there.

Five bucks.

#prayfornewtown

Starred Review for EVERBOUND

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 21:12:00 +0000

I wanted to share some good news with you! The first two of the big reviews are in for EVERBOUND.

One is a starred review from VOYA. Here's an excerpt:

"The Everneath comes to life in lurid descriptions of the circles of hell, weaving literary and mythological references into the mix. Ashton’s vivid images of the hands of the Forfeits reaching out of the earth are chilling. ... Nikki’s dogged determination to rescue Jack clouds her judgment. ... The surprise ending will leave stunned fans pleading for more. This worthy successor to Everneath (Balzer + Bray, 2012/VOYA December 2011) will be in high demand."

And Kirkus calls EVERBOUND "Intense, intriguing and highly addictive."

I am thrilled with these reviews, especially as the publication of EVERBOUND is right around the corner. 38 days! Would you like to add a countdown widget to your blog? You can get the widget on the sidebar of this blog.

Furthermore... I don't have anything furthermore. It just felt like the appropriate segue into the next paragraph, but I got nothin'.

Thanks y'all, especially you (yes, you!) for supporting the blog and my books. And remember to stop by Weller Books tonight at 6:30 if you want a signed copy of Everneath.

Discounts and Good Deeds... aka My Next Appearance

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 20:48:00 +0000

Hey y'all!

Just a quick announcement.

Do you like books? Do you like supporting education? Do you like children? Do you like all three?

Are you sick of cute kitten pictures? Do you like pina coladas? How about dancing in the rain?

Well, if you answered yes to the first three questions, have I got the opportunity for you. I'll be signing books at Weller Book Works tomorrow night from 6:30-9:30 as part of a book fair to support City Academy. I believe if you say "I support City Academy", then 20% of the proceeds will go to the school.

Place: Weller Book Works (In Trolley Square)
(Also, it's near the new Trader Joe's. You could make an evening out of it.)
Time: 6:30-9:30
Date: Tomorrow (December 13, 2012)
Secret Code Word: "I Support City Academy"

Books. They're awesome.

20% of the proceeds go to the school. There's your supporting education.

Wrap the books for your kids. There's your liking children.

Bam.

Now, as for the cute kitten pictures, there's nothing I can do about those. But as for the pina coladas and dancing in the rain? Meet me at tonight at midnight. Wear galoshes.

After Feeling the Loss, there's Living the Loss... aka What I'm Thankful For

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 19:11:00 +0000

This post is a little late for Thanksgiving. But it took me a while to get my thoughts together.

My family has a tradition for Thanksgiving. The night before the big dinner, the grandkids all gather at my parents' house. We lay a giant sheet down on the carpet, and set two plastic tubs on top of it. Then we take turns scrubbing the kids' fingernails and hands.

Finally, when everyone is clean (relatively speaking), we each grab half a loaf of bread (special ranch bread that has been aging for four days) and we "shuffle" the bread into the tiniest crumbs we can manage.

gathered round the stuffing tubs

Shuffling: verb
To use one's fingernails, scraping against the bread, in order to create... um... smaller pieces of bread. Nay, even crumbs. Or something in between crumbs and... whatever is the next size up.

After we shuffle the bread, we add my family's secret ingredients, that have been passed down for four generations. The ingredients include a buttload (a form of measurement from the 1800's) of rubbed sage and as much butter as "your conscience will allow." The recipe made it through the Great Depression, hence the "conscience will allow" measurement.

Nowadays though, my conscience will allow at least two buttloads of butter.

Did you know a buttload is an actual measurement? Okay, a "butt" is.
Here is one:

So the next time someone says you have a big "butt", you can come back with this zinger: "A 'butt' refers to a giant barrel, and obviously I don't have one of those on my backside, so joke's on you! So long suckah!" Then smack your butt for effect. This will either work, or you'll get beaten.

Anyway, once we have the dressing put together, we let it sit overnight. To marinate in its juices. Which doesn't sound like something you'd want stuffing to do, but trust me, it's good.

The next day, at some point while the turkey is cooking, somebody stuffs the bird with our dressing, infusing it with delicious turkey bodily fluids.

Every year, it's been my dad who does this part.

So this year, when we arrived at my mom's house, the turkey was finished cooking, and out of the oven, and the stuffing remained unstuffed.

Me: "Um, shouldn't the stuffing be... stuffed by now? Since the turkey's sitting there on the counter already?"

Mom: "I don't know. Should it be?"

Me: "Should it be... what? Stuffed? I would guess yes. It's kind of inherent in the name 'stuffing'."

We realized at that moment exactly why the stuffing hadn't been stuffed: we were missing the official stuffer. My dad.

But neither of us wanted to admit there was a problem. We both turned to my brother-in-law Dave, who is a doctor, and therefore isn't afraid to shove things in places not spoken of at parties.

Mom: "Dave, grab a bunch of the dressing and shove it in here." She pointed to the turkey's nether-regions.

Dave: "The turkey's already out of the oven. I see no benefit to stuffing it now. How come it wasn't stuffed previously?"

me: "Just stuff it, Dave! And stop asking questions!"

Dave (giving us a confused look): "Okay, fine. I'll stuff it."

He did, and we all stood around awkwardly, looking at the newly stuffed Turkey sitting there on the counter, and knowing it was all wrong. We waited about five minutes.

Then my mom was all: "Okay, Dave. Unstuff it now."

Dave: "That makes even less sense than stuffing it in the first place."

me: "Just do it, Dave! And Stop asking questions!"

Dave: "That wasn't a question. But here's a question. Your family has made stuffing every year for the last six decades. How come this year it's like we have no idea what we're doing?"

me: "Dave, you are asking for a beating."

Mom: "Brodi, stop threatening to beat up your brother-in-law."

When the loss is new, you try to keep everything the same, and rely on routine, or tradition to get you through. But what if the person you're missing was an integral part of that tradition? So much so that without him, the stuffing doesn't get stuffed?

Still, we didn't talk about why the stuffing didn't get stuffed. We didn't want to reopen the wounds. It took 6-year-old Kid B saying at the dinner table, with tears in his eyes, "I miss Grandpa" for us to realize the wounds had never closed. It's okay to talk about him. And miss him.

And as much as everything is the same, everything this year is different. But the sadder thing would've been if his loss made no difference at all.

I guess that's what I'm thankful for this year. The opportunity to have loved someone so much that his loss is felt.