Brodi Ashton

How I look to my Kid on this Mother's Day...

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Sun, 12 May 2013 22:25:00 +0000

My Mother's Day Portrait, by Kid C.

Before you judge, just know that I've always needed bigger arms to counteract my abnormally tiny legs...

Other than that, it's spot on. Long hair, constant smile, and no nose. That happens to be the look I strive for when I'm getting ready in the morning.

Kid B made me a potted planter, full of pipe cleaners in the shape of flowers.

When I picked the pot up, he changed his mind and decided it was for him. After accusing me of stealing it, he grabbed it out of my hands, emptied it of pipe cleaners and straightened each one of them out. Once there was no trace of the flower shapes, he took the fake grass and sprinkled it on the living room floor.

Seeing my forlorn expression, he handed me a wadded up candy wrapper and said, "Happy Mother's Day."

me (looking at the decimated carnage that was once a mother's day pot, and then at the garbage in my hand): "Um... thank you?"

him (beaming): "You're welcome!"

Happy Mother's Day to all of you women out there, kids or no kids, flowers or just pipe cleaners. And to those fathers pulling double duty. What did all y'all do today?

How When it Comes to Love, My Mom Duped me. And then I Duped Kid C

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 20:36:00 +0000

My mama always told me to keep the guys guessing, and never let 'em see you swoon. So the other day, Kid C was talking to me about a few girls that he likes. I tried to dispense a little bit of similar motherly advice.

me: "So, you know, if you like a girl, you might want to play it cool-"

Kid C holds his hand up, as if to say I got this.

Kid C: "I know, mom. I know. It's called 'playing hard to get'."

I guess I've been talking to him about it more than I thought.

me: "So what do you think that means?"

Kid C: "It means I avoid her. And I tell her that I like other girls. I don't go as far as to tell her I hate her, or trip her or anything, but I make sure she knows I don't like her much, and I'd rather be near someone else."

me (with a sigh, thinking I may have overshot the whole "playing hard to get" lesson for years...): "Okay, let's start over. Let's practice starting a conversation with her."

Kid c: (BLANK LOOK)

me: "You know, like 'Hey! How are you?'"

Kid C: (BLANK LOOK)

And I realize it's too late. I've already indoctrinated him with the hard to get mentality. Suddenly, my high school social life (or lack thereof) flashes before my eyes.

I remember my agent, after reading my book, said to me, "It seems like the main character doesn't like the main love interest very much."

I was stunned. I was all, "She LOVES him! How did you not get that?"

He's all, "Well how does she show it?"

Me: "Didn't you see her run out of the room every time he walked in? And then that one scene where she yells at him? and tells him she hates him?? If that's not love..." My voice faded off.

Him: "Um... Yeah..."

Me (lightning strikes): "Ahhhhh. That's not love." And then, shaking my fist in the air: "CURSES MOM!! I was DUPED!"

I'm so sorry, Kid C.

What I've Been Doing... NOT Licking Thor, that's for sure.

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 03:08:00 +0000

Okay, so I've had a few not-so-subtle nudges from blog readers, friends and family members (I'm totally looking at you, Jacksons) about putting up a new blog post.

Here's what happened: I turned in the last round of edits on EVERTRUE (I still call it Everneath 3: It's Everneathiest) and then did you know there's an off switch in your brain? A literal off switch? That's the only explanation for what I've been doing during the last couple of weeks. Somebody flipped the off switch.

I mean, I've done some of the usual stuff...

Like now you see it...

because what's a barber shop without a pool table and a lei?

Now you don't.

... that's a handsom face in the mirror... wait, is that moi?

Now you see it...

Isn't she cute?

Now you don't.

It's a boy!

I kicked some balls...

...and pulled a hamstring. (This was also the "before the concussion" pic)

I consulted with my godfather...

... he told me to go to the mattresses. So I went to just the one mattress. And fell asleep.

I danced with Fred Astaire. But I have to admit, I felt like a third wheel...

... Um, Fred? Fred? I'm over here, Fred.
Okay, Fred, this is getting ridiculous. It's like you don't think we're dancing together.

I used my feminine wiles... all two of them...

... That's right, Ben. I totally pulled my hammy right here...
And you see this leg? I've got another one just like it. And it goes all the way up... to my hip.

And finally, I let Thor know that I really lick him.. I mean like him...

Because if you were this close to Thor, you'd lick him too. Admit it.

So yeah, I've been totally busy.

What have all y'all been up to?

Because EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest is a tad cumbersome... Here's the Real Title

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 17:28:00 +0000

So, after what feels like months being underwater with revisions... (wait a second... it WAS months) EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest is now officially in copyedits!

Which means it's basically done!

(I say basically, because copyedits still have to be done, but it's like mostly done. Like, medium well.)

So now, without further ado... (adieu? adoo?) I'd like to introduce y'all to the real title of EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest. Because EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest is not the real title, although I have greatly enjoyed typing EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest over and over and over.

The title is...

EVERTRUE

I really like this title. I hope you do too.

And now... to collapse.

My Week in Pictures... L.A. Version

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 16:49:00 +0000

I'm in Los Angeles for work this week. Here's what my week in pictures looks like:

You can't go to L.A. without seeing Universal Studios, right? I think you get fined if you try...

Cynthia Hand (author of the Unearthly Series), me, Jodi Meadows (author of the Incarnate Series).
We wore our hair in pigtails so we could find each other easily.

We met lots of crazy characters...

like Shrek and Fiona...

Why is Fiona so mad?

And the Scooby Gang...

Did you notice that Daphne tried to put her hair in pigtails too?

And Curious George...

Curious George was a little too curious about my pigtails. He kept pulling on one of them, and then he'd shrug innocently as if to say, "Hey! I'm a monkey!" Like that excuses it...

And a random set of Asian brothers...

Spotted them sitting in the middle of the cafeteria, blending in with everyone...

To cap off the day, I ate my weight in cotton candy. And that, let me tell you, is a lot of cotton candy.

Objects in picture are much larger than they appear... Except my cheeks. Those are about spot on.

The next day, we spoke to a novel-writing class at Pepperdine University, whose campus is so beautiful it should be illegal. I'm not jealous.

The three of us with with the ugly coastline and mediocre deep blue sea in the background. Gross.

Then we had lunch at a place in Malibu by the ocean...

How come everything in California is by the ocean? Don't they care that they're making the rest of us insanely jealous? I hate every person in this picture.

By which point, hubs accused me of playing and not working. So, just to appease him, I got to work.

I always carry my purse while jackhammering...

That pothole on Generic Street in Manhattan is now fixed.

You're welcome, New York.

By the way, I'll be appearing at the Barnes and Noble in Westlake tomorrow night at 7pm with Cynthia Hand and Jodi Meadows.

And then on Saturday, we will be at Books Inc. in Mountain View California at 5:00 pm.

Anyone in the L.A. or San Fran areas? Come out and say hi.

So... what are y'all up to? Anyone jackhammer a pothole lately?

In Which the Consequences for Losing my Pillbox are Disastrous

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 20:36:00 +0000

I have a husband who fills my pillbox for me weekly. The reason for this is two-fold: 1. I'm too lazy to fill my own pillbox. I really can't be bothered to flip lids and divvy out pills. 2. I'm forgetful. I really can't be bothered to remember.

I know, you'd want to be married to that too, right?

Well, about a week before my deadline, I misplaced my pill box. But because I was staying up late most nights to write, I never got a chance to tell hubs. So every night, at like 1 am, I would go to the medicine cabinet and just grab my pills individually.

Fast forward a few days. Let me paint you a picture.

I woke up in the morning and felt the need for an omelet with a side of a brick of chocolate. So I ate an omelet and a brick of chocolate. Then I went to the grocery store and bought a giant bag of corn chips and a big jar of that nacho cheese, and came home and melted the cheese and ate the entire thing. Then, for the leftover chips, I grated a bunch of cheese and melted it directly on top.

Then I went to the gas station to buy five packages of grape Hi-Chews. And the gas station attendant was all, "Hey! I haven't seen you since last night. You already need five more packages of candy?"

And I was all *flips him off*

Then I went to a birthday lunch for my sis-in-law, and I ordered one meal to eat at the restaurant and one to take home.

And then when I got home - and feeling the need for vegetables - I made myself some creamy cilantro dressing and steamed an entire bag of broccoli and dipped the broccoli in the dressing, but the dressing wasn't enough so I got another jar of nacho sauce so I could dip the broccoli in the cheese first and then the dressing.

And with a full mouth, I called into the other room, "Sam! Can you make a run to Wendy's for me?"

And he's all, "I can't understand you, due to the fact that your mouth is filled with broccoli/nacho stuffs."

And I'm all, "CAN YOU MAKE A RUN TO WENDY'S FOR ME??"

And he's all, "Talking louder will not make you easier to understand. You have to empty your mouth first."

And I'm all, "Empty my mouth? So there's no food in it? Death first!"

And he's all, "Seriously, swallow!"

So, with a dramatic eye roll, I swallowed and didn't put anything new in my mouth so I could ask him, "Can you make a run to Wendy's for me?"

He gave me a surprised look, partly because I'd never in the history of our marriage asked him to make a run to Wendy's for me, and partly because I had just eaten ALL THE FOOD.

He's all, "Um... okay. What do you want?"

me: "Two baked potatoes, with everything, and a large chili. Extra cheese. Hold the chives. Because chives are gross. And a frosty."

Him: "..."

me (putting another nacho-broccoli in my mouth because I've waited long enough): "What?"

him: "You want TWO baked potatoes? AND the large chili?"

me: "WHAT ABOUT GETTING ME THREE DINNERS DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND???"

Later that night, I went to the medicine cabinet to get my pills, and I saw an extra prescription bottle in the top right corner. I looked at the label. It was for my pills.

Then I looked at the prescription bottle I'd just taken a pill from. It was prednisone. A steroid for people who can't breathe. It was also a dosage for a large man.

One of the side effects of the pill is INCREASED HUNGER.

I'd been taking prednisone for AN ENTIRE WEEK. While I was on DEADLINE. (I think another side effect is putting every fifth word in ALL CAPS).

You can probably guess what happened next.

Yep. I got so mad at Sam for not noticing I was taking the wrong pill all week, and for the freshman fifteen I'd put on.

He's so sorry.

By the way, I'll be at the Provo Library tonight at 7pm with the Dark Days tour. That is, if I can fit in my car.

Guess what I can do with a Parrot on my Shoulder?

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 23:36:00 +0000

Hey y'all! How's it going? I feel like I haven't seen you (yes, you!) forever. I've been flailing under a deadline for Book 3 in the Everneath series, tentatively titled "EVERNEATH 3: It's Everneath-iest".

Here are a couple of things I've been doing:

1. I've made my acting debut!

Yep, that's me in the book trailer for Lindsey Leavitt's darling new book GOING VINTAGE. Give it a looksy...

A few things I noticed while watching this video.

a. I blink a lot.
b. There's a chance that if flattened out, my cheeks would reach from here to Milwaukee.
c. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO LOOK AT YOUR PHONE AND LAUGH ON CUE??

What do all y'all think of the trailer?

2. I will be appearing with the Dark Days tour on Wednesday night, March 6th, at 7 pm at the Provo Library.

Did you catch a glimpse of the other fabulous authors who will be there? Kiersten White? Dan Wells? Lauren Oliver? Debra Driza?

It is going to be quite the event, full of shenanigans and I'm sure several instances where I insert my foot in my mouth. (Did I tell you about my first stop on the Dark Days tour in L.A.? Where an audience member asked, "How do you like doing so much research for your books?" and I answered, "Yuck. I don't do any research. I HATE READING."

Yep. "I hate reading," she said to a room full of readers at a book event. It's a good thing no one in the audience had a phone or an internet connection. Oh, wait...

3. Tonight, at some point, the behind-the-scenes video of the Dark Days tour will be up. I don't want to give anything away, but if you watch it, you'll discover why Cynthia Hand and I shared a bag of underwear.

Follow @harperteen to find the link. It will be up tonight. At some given hour. Have I ever told y'all that I'm not good with details? Like times and stuff?

4. Since it's a day full of videos of myself, here's me playing the piano with Pidge on my shoulder. My hairless dog is filming. Because I live in a zoo.

5. And here is a video of me in my first ballet recital when I was eight.

Kidding. I won't show you that. :)

So, how was all y'all's week? Anyone adopt any hairless animals? Anyone want me to star in their book trailer? Anyone think they can draw a map of the United States on my cheeks?

How I Look to a Seven-Year Old...

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 19:28:00 +0000

Hey y'all!

So, Kid B came home the other day, proudly displaying this family portrait he'd drawn.

"Me, Carter, Dad, Mom"

Let's skip asking why Kid B has given himself two faces (is this some deep psychological self-awareness? Is it his inner muse? Or is the second face a pig face from Angry Birds? My money's on the Angry Birds theory) and take a closer look at me.

I agree he got the arms (flippers?) dead right. And my legs really are flatter on the inside. My bigger questions are... why am I number 4? Why is my torso divided in half? Okay, maybe that second question makes sense. Where did my fingers go? Did I lose them in a freak lawn mower accident?

My favorite part -- besides the accurate portrayal of the fact that my hair is falling out due to faulty flat irons -- is the lip-to-face ratio.

Apparently, I arrive at all destinations lips first.

Have you ever had one of those days where...

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 17:15:00 +0000

Hey y'all...

Sorry for the blog silence! I have been madly revising EVERNEATH 3: It's Everneath-iest, and touring with EVERBOUND.

I'll blog about the tour later, but for now, I was thinking of starting a new blog series called "Have you ever had one of those days where..." and then fill in the blank.

Today, I have two entries.

1. Have you ever had one of those days where... you adopt a hairless dog?

Let me preface this by saying, I have wanted a dog for my entire life. But someone else in my life has been having a crazy love affair with our lawn, and was hesitant to see any sort of yellow patches.

But for some reason, this week provided an opening in his cold cold black heart. Especially when we discovered that this little guy needed a home.

I know what you're thinking: Is that a rat?

No. He is a dog. A hairless terrier. Isn't he sweet?

I know what else you're thinking: Is he dressed like a clown?

Yes. He gets cold. What with no hair and all.

Might I interrupt this blog post to say that y'all ask excellent questions?

So yes, we are now the proud owners of CHEWBACCA. Yes, we named him. Yes, the name is ironic. But I think it gives him something to aspire to. Plus, when Kid B was clearly pulling ahead of Chewy in a raucous game of Space Chess, the wookie threatened to tear Kid B's arms off.

never make a wookie angry

Seriously, do not mess with this guy:

Even in his sleep, he is diabolical. And he sleeps A LOT

Last night I gave Chewy a bath, and then lathered him up with baby lotion, dressed him in new clean pajamas and rocked him to sleep.

Yes, I finally have a newborn.

2. Have you ever had one of those days where... you discover that you've been wearing keyboard instructions on your belly all day?

The other day, I came home and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Check it out:

Notice anything unusual?

Yep. That is the instruction sheet for how to set up the keyboard to my IPad.

Why couldn't it have been something cool like a map to atlantis?:

Don't zoom in too close. Not because I'm uncomfortable with having an extreme close-up of mah belly, but because that is the actual map to Atlantis, and I don't want it to get out there.

So... What's your day been like? Fill in the blank: Have you ever had one of those days where...

Or, you can just tell me if you think Chewy is the cutest rat you've ever seen...

Tour and Books

noreply@blogger.com (samandbrodi) — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 02:54:00 +0000

Hi Everyone,

This is Sam, Brodi's lovely husband. Brodi is currently on tour right now. If you live in the Atlanta area, Raleigh area and in Boston...she will be visiting you this week. Click HERE and you can see the times and locations of her visit. She is touring with some fabulous authors (Veronica Rossi, Cynthia Hand and Tahereh Mafi) and it should be a good time. When she gets back from this trip, she will give recaps of the book launch as well as the tour.

Also, Barnes and Noble and Amazon are offering a special $2.99 deal for EVERNEATH on the Nook or Kindle. Not sure how long this sale will last, but it is a great time to pick it up if want it as an ebook.

If you have any questions, let me know. If anyone wants to talk about the Super Bowl, I am also available for that as well.

All the things I've been doing before the Launch of EVERBOUND...

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 18:07:00 +0000

Hey y'all.

Sorry my blogging has been so sporadic. All I can say is...

And then every time I sat down to blog, I'd look at my interview pile, and my to-do list for the launch, and then I would sit there paralyzed, and I would do nothing.

But... tomorrow is the day. EVERBOUND hits shelves.

Here is what I've been doing instead of blogging:

I've been juggling all my balls...

Digging out of the snow...

Finally getting the courage up to play poker in Vegas... (you can see my name on the waiting list)

Selling tickets to this show...

Laughing at the pajamas my mom bought for my hubs and my brother-in-law...

Sitting in a bird... (trying to hide the fact that I'm wearing white socks)

Wearing a TAB hat...

Making a pilgrimage to the Mother Land...

Escaping the inversion with my sis...

And finally, the activity that took the longest time, straightening Kid C's hair.

I'm glad I got all this stuff taken care of before my book comes out tomorrow.

Speaking of launch parties, don't forget the launch for EVERBOUND (and Cynthia Hand's BOUNDLESS) is tomorrow night at 7:00 p.m. at The King's English. Come and party!

bonus: If you get your book signed, you'll get a guitar pick necklace.

double bonus: there will be food!

So... who's going to party with me tomorrow night???

Two Weeks to EVERBOUND Launch. It's Cool. I'm not Freaking out.

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 16:02:00 +0000

Happy 2013 y'all!

Wanna hear something crazy?

EVERBOUND comes out two weeks from tomorrow.

EVERBOUNDcomesouttwoweeksfromtomorrowEVERBOUNDcomesouttwoweeksfromtomorrowEVERBOUNDcomesouttwoweeksfromtomorrowEVERBOUNDcomesouttwoweeksfromtomorrow.

I don't know how it happened. It was always "Oh, sometime next year" and now it's suddenly NEXT YEAR.

Of course we're going to have a party. And you're invited. Yes, YOU!

EVERBOUND Launch Party
The King's English Bookshop
January 22nd, 2013
7:00 p.m.

My in-laws will be providing the food again, which means it will be epic. Also, I will be giving away guitar pick necklaces. So, come to the partay!

If you're not near Salt Lake City, I'm touring around the country. Check my appearances page to see if I'll be in a city near you.

I also have a deadline a week from today. So if you need me, um, be patient.

How was everyone's New Year? Which books are on your reading list? You don't have to say EVERBOUND... not at all.

Three Winners of EVERBOUND ARCs, and Santa-Dragon

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 17:35:00 +0000

Hey Y'all!

Thanks for entering last week's contest.

The winners are:

Vi Nguyen

Jana

Kristina Snyder

Email me your mailing addresses at brodiashton at gmail dot com. Congratulations!

And now, as a Christmas present to you all, enjoy my nieces' adventure through downtown Salt Lake City, and marvel at the fact that they weren't arrested.

Pre-Order NEVERFALL, and be entered to win one of several ARCs of EVERBOUND

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 21:35:00 +0000

Okay, folks. We are just over a week away from two exciting things.

One is Christmas.

But on the day after Christmas, December 26th (just in time for Christmas) (Kidding) the paperback edition of EVERNEATH releases, and the ebook novella NEVERFALL will be available!

For those of you who don't know, NEVERFALL is a novella (100 pages) told from Cole's Point of View. It takes place between the end of book one (EVERNEATH) and the beginning of book 2 (EVERBOUND).

Here's the blurb:

A thrilling new novella from the author of the Everneath series!

Jack is trapped for eternity in the Tunnels while Nikki has managed to evade Cole's grasp . . . for now. But Cole is more desperate than ever to find answers about Nikki, his best chance for taking over the throne of the underworld. How did she survive the Feed? Can Cole find another Forfeit like her who can survive it too?

Cole's quest leads him to the other side of the world, to a mysterious, dangerous society known as the Delphinians, whose price for information might be higher than Cole can pay—a price that could destroy Nikki. But when Cole attempts to steal the answers instead, his mission ends in disaster. Faced with centuries in a Delphinian dungeon, Cole is confronted with questions he's been too scared to ask himself: Is he really obsessed with the throne—or is he obsessed with Nikki? And can she really give him a new beginning as the Everneath's king . . . or will she instead bring about his tragic end?

To celebrate these events, I have a bunch of EVERBOUND ARCs to give away. So here's the deal. If you pre-order NEVERFALL ($2.99, available at Barnes and Noble, iTunes, and many other ebook places), you will be entered to win one of several copies of the EVERBOUND ARC!

All you have to do is pre-order it, leave me a comment telling me you pre-ordered it, and you're entered! Easy peezy.

Also, there is no way for me to check the validity of your pre-order, so I am counting on the honor system, and the fact that it would be silly to lie about two dollars and ninety-nine cents. If you're going to lie, lie about like a million dollars. In fact, have your hips leave the comment. (Because as we all know, hips don't lie).*

"Hips don't lie," quoth Shakira.

So, click here to order NEVERFALL, and then comment away! The more people entered, the more copies I'll give away.

Contest ends this Sunday. Winners announced on Monday. Just in time for Christmas.

*Kid B's hips totally lie. His pants are always falling down.

Bid on an ARC of EVERBOUND and support Newtown

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 17:51:00 +0000

This is probably the only thing I could blog about this morning, after the horrific events of Friday. (I have a first grader. I have decided to permanently attach him directly to me, by stitching his hip to my leg.)

The sweet people at Publishing Hearts are holding an auction of many items (books, critiques, packages from authors, agents and editors). All of the money goes to benefit the Newtown Youth and Family Services.

One of the items up for bid is an ARC of EVERBOUND. So, if you would like to make a donation to the families of Newtown, and win an ARC of EVERBOUND (or any of the other wonderful prizes up for bid), go to the Publishing Hearts website and follow their instructions. If you want to specifically bid on EVERBOUND, go here.

The auction just went live, so as of now, nobody has bid on EVERBOUND. So now's your chance. :) I'll throw the starting bid out there.

Five bucks.

#prayfornewtown

Starred Review for EVERBOUND

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 21:12:00 +0000

I wanted to share some good news with you! The first two of the big reviews are in for EVERBOUND.

One is a starred review from VOYA. Here's an excerpt:

"The Everneath comes to life in lurid descriptions of the circles of hell, weaving literary and mythological references into the mix. Ashton’s vivid images of the hands of the Forfeits reaching out of the earth are chilling. ... Nikki’s dogged determination to rescue Jack clouds her judgment. ... The surprise ending will leave stunned fans pleading for more. This worthy successor to Everneath (Balzer + Bray, 2012/VOYA December 2011) will be in high demand."

And Kirkus calls EVERBOUND "Intense, intriguing and highly addictive."

I am thrilled with these reviews, especially as the publication of EVERBOUND is right around the corner. 38 days! Would you like to add a countdown widget to your blog? You can get the widget on the sidebar of this blog.

Furthermore... I don't have anything furthermore. It just felt like the appropriate segue into the next paragraph, but I got nothin'.

Thanks y'all, especially you (yes, you!) for supporting the blog and my books. And remember to stop by Weller Books tonight at 6:30 if you want a signed copy of Everneath.

Discounts and Good Deeds... aka My Next Appearance

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 20:48:00 +0000

Hey y'all!

Just a quick announcement.

Do you like books? Do you like supporting education? Do you like children? Do you like all three?

Are you sick of cute kitten pictures? Do you like pina coladas? How about dancing in the rain?

Well, if you answered yes to the first three questions, have I got the opportunity for you. I'll be signing books at Weller Book Works tomorrow night from 6:30-9:30 as part of a book fair to support City Academy. I believe if you say "I support City Academy", then 20% of the proceeds will go to the school.

Place: Weller Book Works (In Trolley Square)
(Also, it's near the new Trader Joe's. You could make an evening out of it.)
Time: 6:30-9:30
Date: Tomorrow (December 13, 2012)
Secret Code Word: "I Support City Academy"

Books. They're awesome.

20% of the proceeds go to the school. There's your supporting education.

Wrap the books for your kids. There's your liking children.

Bam.

Now, as for the cute kitten pictures, there's nothing I can do about those. But as for the pina coladas and dancing in the rain? Meet me at tonight at midnight. Wear galoshes.

After Feeling the Loss, there's Living the Loss... aka What I'm Thankful For

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 19:11:00 +0000

This post is a little late for Thanksgiving. But it took me a while to get my thoughts together.

My family has a tradition for Thanksgiving. The night before the big dinner, the grandkids all gather at my parents' house. We lay a giant sheet down on the carpet, and set two plastic tubs on top of it. Then we take turns scrubbing the kids' fingernails and hands.

Finally, when everyone is clean (relatively speaking), we each grab half a loaf of bread (special ranch bread that has been aging for four days) and we "shuffle" the bread into the tiniest crumbs we can manage.

gathered round the stuffing tubs

Shuffling: verb
To use one's fingernails, scraping against the bread, in order to create... um... smaller pieces of bread. Nay, even crumbs. Or something in between crumbs and... whatever is the next size up.

After we shuffle the bread, we add my family's secret ingredients, that have been passed down for four generations. The ingredients include a buttload (a form of measurement from the 1800's) of rubbed sage and as much butter as "your conscience will allow." The recipe made it through the Great Depression, hence the "conscience will allow" measurement.

Nowadays though, my conscience will allow at least two buttloads of butter.

Did you know a buttload is an actual measurement? Okay, a "butt" is.
Here is one:

So the next time someone says you have a big "butt", you can come back with this zinger: "A 'butt' refers to a giant barrel, and obviously I don't have one of those on my backside, so joke's on you! So long suckah!" Then smack your butt for effect. This will either work, or you'll get beaten.

Anyway, once we have the dressing put together, we let it sit overnight. To marinate in its juices. Which doesn't sound like something you'd want stuffing to do, but trust me, it's good.

The next day, at some point while the turkey is cooking, somebody stuffs the bird with our dressing, infusing it with delicious turkey bodily fluids.

Every year, it's been my dad who does this part.

So this year, when we arrived at my mom's house, the turkey was finished cooking, and out of the oven, and the stuffing remained unstuffed.

Me: "Um, shouldn't the stuffing be... stuffed by now? Since the turkey's sitting there on the counter already?"

Mom: "I don't know. Should it be?"

Me: "Should it be... what? Stuffed? I would guess yes. It's kind of inherent in the name 'stuffing'."

We realized at that moment exactly why the stuffing hadn't been stuffed: we were missing the official stuffer. My dad.

But neither of us wanted to admit there was a problem. We both turned to my brother-in-law Dave, who is a doctor, and therefore isn't afraid to shove things in places not spoken of at parties.

Mom: "Dave, grab a bunch of the dressing and shove it in here." She pointed to the turkey's nether-regions.

Dave: "The turkey's already out of the oven. I see no benefit to stuffing it now. How come it wasn't stuffed previously?"

me: "Just stuff it, Dave! And stop asking questions!"

Dave (giving us a confused look): "Okay, fine. I'll stuff it."

He did, and we all stood around awkwardly, looking at the newly stuffed Turkey sitting there on the counter, and knowing it was all wrong. We waited about five minutes.

Then my mom was all: "Okay, Dave. Unstuff it now."

Dave: "That makes even less sense than stuffing it in the first place."

me: "Just do it, Dave! And Stop asking questions!"

Dave: "That wasn't a question. But here's a question. Your family has made stuffing every year for the last six decades. How come this year it's like we have no idea what we're doing?"

me: "Dave, you are asking for a beating."

Mom: "Brodi, stop threatening to beat up your brother-in-law."

When the loss is new, you try to keep everything the same, and rely on routine, or tradition to get you through. But what if the person you're missing was an integral part of that tradition? So much so that without him, the stuffing doesn't get stuffed?

Still, we didn't talk about why the stuffing didn't get stuffed. We didn't want to reopen the wounds. It took 6-year-old Kid B saying at the dinner table, with tears in his eyes, "I miss Grandpa" for us to realize the wounds had never closed. It's okay to talk about him. And miss him.

And as much as everything is the same, everything this year is different. But the sadder thing would've been if his loss made no difference at all.

I guess that's what I'm thankful for this year. The opportunity to have loved someone so much that his loss is felt.

I'm at the King's English tomorrow, and some Dark Days Announcements

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Wed, 05 Dec 2012 22:23:00 +0000

A few quick notes about some upcoming appearances:

Are you looking for Christmas Presents? How about some autographed books!

I'll be signing books at the annual King's English Christmas Social! It's tomorrow night (December 6th) from 5-7 p.m. I'll be there with a bunch of other awesome authors, so if you want to give signed books for presents, this is the perfect opportunity.

DARK DAYS

Also, the lineup for the Dark Days tours and authors has just been announced, and I am one of them! My official Dark Days blogger is Amber from Me, My Shelf and I. If you get a chance, stop by her blog and say hi in the comments.

Here are the cities I will be touring in:

February 4, 7pm
Dark Days tour with Cynthia Hand, Veronica Rossi, and Tahereh Mafi
Barnes&Noble
Huntington Beach, California

February 5, 7pm
Dark Days tour with Cynthia Hand, Veronica Rossi, and Tahereh Mafi
Little Shop of Stories
Decatur, Georgia

February 6, 7pm
Dark Days tour with Cynthia Hand, Veronica Rossi, and Tahereh Mafi
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina

February 7, 7pm
Dark Days tour with Cynthia Hand, Veronica Rossi, and Tahereh Mafi
Harvard Coop
Cambridge, Massachussets

In addition to the Dark Days tour, I will also be making several appearances in Salt Lake City, Idaho Falls, Boise, New York City, Washington, D.C., Redondo Beach and Thousand Oaks. Check back to my appearances page in the next little while for details.

Okay, that is all for now! I just turned in my latest revisions on Everneath 3: It's
Everneath-iest. And just as the title suggests, it is actually the Everneath-iest.

It's got love, betrayal, possessed bounty hunters, it's TV-MA SDVEZ for Suggestive Dialogue and Violence by and to Everliving Zombies. I am very excited for the way it is taking shape.

So, will I see any of you at the King's English Christmas Extravaganza?

How "One Size Fits All" Should Not Be Applied to Underwear

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Tue, 27 Nov 2012 18:41:00 +0000

Okay, so, when I was in Vegas last weekend, I forgot to pack my... um... undies.

Me... commando. Kidding.

We were staying at the MGM Grand, which has about a thousand shops inside, so I assumed that at least one of those shops would carry... sundries.

So, I went into the nearest shop and said, "Excuse me, do you have sundries?"

And the lady was all, "We have toothpaste."

And for a moment, I got a little disgusted trying to figure out how toothpaste would help my undy (singular of undies?) situation.

Then I realized that perhaps I was using the word "sundries" in the wrong way. Perhaps it didn't mean what I thought it meant. Perhaps even though it sounds like "undies", it might mean something else.

So, I was all, "Okay, I'll take a toothpaste. Also, as a sidenote, do you have... underwears?" Because if you use the plural, it's less embarrassing.

She's all, "Um we have these..." She holds up a thong that has words on it. Something about which way to do something.

I was all, "Do you have anything... with more coverage? With a back that doesn't go... between things?"

She sent me to another shop, the only place in the entire hotel that carried non-novelty undies.

Upon entering the second shop, my face went red. It appeared the clothing designer had been challenged to make as many outfits as possible using only the material from a handkerchief.

I asked the lady behind the counter, "Um... undies?"

She pointed me toward a basket, with tiny little black boxes inside. Each tiny box (about the size of a ring box) claimed to contain three underwears.

Apparently Las Vegas really is magic.

I asked the lady again, "How do you tell the sizes?"

She's all, "They're one size fits all."

me: "WTF?"

Because "One Size Fits All" is for sweatshirts, and ponchos, and sleeping bags. Not underwears!

But the lady pointed to the side of the box, where it clearly stated (in 10 pt font) One Size Fits All. And then in the small print underneath, it stated Sizes 4-8.

me: "That is not One-Size-Fits-All. That is One-Size-Fits-A-Small-Percentage-of-the-Population-and-Have-You-Seen-The-People-at-your-Slot-Machines?-It-is-Not-THAT-Percentage!"

She's all, "That's all we have."

me: "The people who fit in these [holds up box] are not the people who forget underwear. They're the people who pack their underwear very carefully because they love how they look in underwear."

her (looks at the poor woman having a breakdown about underwear sizes. Pities her.) "Do you want the box or not?"

me (resigned): "I'll take it. Maybe I can stitch two of them together."

I have to say I got used to the feeling, and eventually I stopped picking at them.

So... how was your Thanksgiving? I ate so much that "One-Size-Fits-All" is a mere fantasy land far, far away.

and We have a Winner!

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 19:10:00 +0000

The winner of the EVERBOUND ARC is...

Jessica @ Books: A True Story

Jessica, email me your mailing address at brodiashton at gmail dot com

And for everyone else, don't worry. I will be holding a ton of ARC contests before the end of the year. So check back here often!

The EVERBOUND trailer revealed! And... enter to win an ARC!

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 16:53:00 +0000

P.S. Read to the bottom to find out how to enter to win an EVERBOUND ARC...

The EVERBOUND trailer is live on EW.com!

It looks like this:

Is it geeky to get a screen shot framed?

To celebrate, I'm giving away an ARC of EVERBOUND. Entry is simple! Four steps:

1. Click on this link
2. Watch the trailer
3. Leave a comment ON EW.COM'S PAGE. Like the page too.
4. Come back here and leave a comment telling me you left a comment.

So, in all, you will leave TWO comments. This is important. Because it just is. If you don't leave two comments, the police will come and arrest you. (Sorry, pulling from my sister's empty threats to her children)

So... go watch! And report! And be sure to leave EW.COM a comment!

Contest ends tomorrow.

Update: *Contest Closed*

Exciting News, Having to do with the EVERBOUND Trailer, and a Certain Magazine

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 19:03:00 +0000

I have some very exciting news!

No, I haven't learned to cook.

Yes, I had a great time in Vegas, but that's not the news.

I'll give you one more guess...

...

Did you guess that the book trailer for EVERBOUND would be revealed by Entertainment Weekly (EW.com) on Thursday??????

Wait... you did?

Okay, well I guess that sort of lets the air out of my balloon, and by "let the air out of my balloon" I mean "sucks", but it's okay. You are good at guessing.

So here's the official announcement.

EW.com will reveal the book trailer for EVERBOUND this Thursday

I'm really thrilled about this news. Why am I still in red? There we go. Anyway, I'm really excited about this, because I have been a fan of Entertainment Weekly for a long time. In fact, I'm pretty sure we were one of the first households to subscribe to the magazine.*

*Claim not verified by... anyone.

To celebrate the news, I'm sure I will hold a contest for an EVERBOUND ARC, so check back here for details on Thursday. The contest will involve watching the trailer, so make sure you have 90 seconds set aside for that.

In other news:

Remember that time I came home from New York City to find a beta fish on my bookcase? Well this time I came home from Vegas to find a parrot in my living room. She was so colorful, I had to look around me to make sure I'd really left Las Vegas.

And actually, she's pretty adorable. I named her Pigeon.

Sam's all, "Why did you name her Pigeon?"

I'm all, "I don't know. She just looks like a Pigeon."

He's all, "That's like naming an award-winning poodle 'Mutt'."

Then I was all, "We should name her Mutt Romney!" Then I laughed, but I laughed alone because it's not a very funny joke.

We settled on "Pigeon Scout". The "Scout" part comes from our favorite girl name, but we didn't have any girls. I finally have another girl in the house.

*Fist bumps Pigeon*

*Pigeon gets knocked to the floor because she has no fists*

So, what do you think of Pigeon Scout? And what do you think of my exciting news?

And how long did you say parrots live?

What Happens in Vegas... is that I'm Wearing a Corset. I can guarantee it's a one-time deal.

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 01:05:00 +0000

Hey y'all!

Are you in the Vegas area? Do you want to be in the Vegas area? Would you like to go to Vegas this weekend? Me too!

So if you're in the area, or if you have access to an airport, or boots that are made for walkin', then get your bum down to the Vegas Valley Book Festival.

Saturday is devoted to YA! I'll be on a Paranormal panel at 12:30 and then I'll be signing books, along with a buttload of other amazing authors later in the afternoon. And then that night, I'll be attending the Steampunk Ball, also with a bunch of other authors.

I tried out my steampunk outfit today.

By far the best part of shopping for a steampunk outfit is looking like a middle aged mom (which I am) and walking into a store that carries whips and gadgets and saying, "I'd like to try on every corset you have."

The guy at the counter gave me a very weird look. So just for fun, I followed up the request with, "And make sure there's space in the dressing room for two..."

And then, when he looked even more confused and not just a little bit disgusted, I winked and said, "You know, room for two... because it takes two to tango..."

And then when he dry-heaved a little in his mouth, I remembered I was a middle aged mom, and so I sealed the deal by saying "And by tango, I mean I've got two kids at home who are waiting for me to make chicken nuggets. So just give me my corset."

I can pretty much guarantee I'm the only person who tried it on with a shirt beneath it, and a sweater over it. What can I say... I like layers.

I have a clock hanging on a chain around my neck, black boots with buckles, lace fingerless gloves and a tiny hat that was apparently made for elves, not humans. Either I'm rocking the steampunk, or I'm going to an 80's revival.

So what do you think of the outfit? Does it exhibit enough steampunkery?

I decided to drive to Vegas, so I need some new music to listen to. What songs/bands have y'all fallen in love with lately? Any songs you can't get enough of? Please leave them in the comments, so I won't fall asleep on the drive.

And if you're coming to Vegas, make sure you find me. I may even be giving away a bunch of EVERBOUND ARCs.

The Winner of the EVERBOUND ARC

noreply@blogger.com (Brodi Ashton) — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 17:25:00 +0000

Thank you for all of your suggestions! I think I have a favorite (from your suggestions) that I'll be presenting to my publisher. So, yay!

And for those of you who don't win this time around, I got a bunch of ARCs from my publisher, so I will be holding giveaways-a-plenty.

As for the winner of the EVERBOUND ARC, chosen at random by Kid C, congratulations to...

HANNAH!

Please email me at brodiashton at gmail dot com, and leave me your mailing address, and I will put the ARC in the mail, take it to the post office and... um... send it. No idea why I'm feeling the need to be so specific, but there you go.