Breakfast at Tiffany's

Reflections from the Softer Side of Bad Weather

2011-09-08T08:26:00.004-05:00

Over the past weeks, I've seen my Facebook and Twitter feeds nearly fill up with friends and family along the Eastern seaboard talking about first an earthquake, then Hurricane Irene, and now even more raining and flooding. With the exception of the earthquake - weirdness, all around - the thoughts of the nasty weather than can hit the northeast and its after affects has me reflecing on my childhood.

Growing up on Price's Drive in Mountainhome, I remember losing power. A lot. In the spring, in the summer, in the fall, and even occasionally in the winter. While the rest of the Poconos - and even, sometimes, the rest of Barrett Township might be restored - we'd sometimes sit without power for days.

As an adult, I imagine this would be a large pain in the butt. Especially with small children. Who are as used to and spoiled by "modern conveniences" as I am - like a constantly-open refrigerator, satellite television, online games and flushable toilets. (You can't get more than a flush or 2 out of a toilet when the power's out and no water is pumping - did you know that? And you thought your mom was crazy for keeping buckets of water to use - it was to force flush the toilet. Heh! My mom would save every gallon jug on the planet and fill them all with water ahead of storms. We'd have flushing ability for days. Good stuff.)

What I remember, though, is the softer side of bad weather rolled in.

Forget cooking on the stove - break out the sterno. Something about cooking over sterno with it's flickering flame, while rain pounds down around, makes whatever food is being cooked taste all that much better. And speaking of food, getting it was an adventure. My mother stocked our basement like a nuclear attack was inevitable and would make our house the town food bank. I'm. Not. Kidding. But...it was the basement. And with bad weather, there might be water accumulated on the floor, especially if the sump pump wasn't keeping up. So going downstairs to retrieve some of the millions of cans of food could become an adventure.

And the refrigerator! And freezer! Forget this worrying about food going bad after a day or so when the power was out. Ours never did, even after several days. We learned to pack the freezer tightly, so that the frozen foods insultated each other. That thing would stay frozen for a week. The fridge? It became a game. Ok. What do we need for this meal? Make a list. Ok. Remember which shelves those things are on? Ok. Now...3...2...1...GO! And then we'd open the fridge and in 5 seconds or less gather all the necessary things. If something was forgotten, too bad! And hopefully you used up everything you took out, so another door-opening mission wasn't necessary.

And lights - I remember the softer side of lights. My mother thought candles were dangerous. And, considering the klutz that I am, that was probably a wise fear. And flashlights were just plain clunky! So we used hurricane lamps. I. Love. Hurricane lamps! In fact, I still have several in my house that I try to trot out a time or two a year, even though we've never needed them here. A bottle of oil and a bit of wick would keep you lit for quite a long time. You could read books, listen to the radio, or enjoy a game of cards, all by Hurricane lamp.

No video games. No microwaves. No generator - at least not at our house.

Lots of radio listening - was another front coming? Would power come back soon?

Lots of talking - my mom and dad sharing their memories of storms long past.

Lots of reading - Lord knows, I've never had a shortage of books in my life.

Some games, some food, some sheer downtime.

Bad things happy when nasty weather rolls in...but sometimes, there are softer sides as well.

To those who endured or are enduring flooding and damage, those of us in drought-ridden Texas are thinking of you and hoping for the best!

How bad is the economy? (Funny!)

2011-06-04T20:45:00.001-05:00

(Hat tip to my Aunt Joan A.)

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD THAT:

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

I bought a toaster oven and my free gift was a bank.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ".

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Eliminate Your Blind Spot!

2011-04-26T17:30:00.001-05:00

Good Tuesday ~~morning~~ evening to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.

I drive between 15,000 and 20,000 miles a year - and I'm sure some of you drive many more. This is the best advice I've seen to-date on avoiding blind spots while driving, and I simply had to share!

Over on Car Talk, a site hosted by NPR, this thought is posted:

For years, we'd been setting our side-view mirrors so that they gave us a view of the back corner of our cars. This is the way it's been done for generations - from grandfather, to father, to us! But we finally discovered something very interesting. The back corner of the car never moves. It always stays in the same exact place. So there's really no reason to keep an eye on it.

By moving the side mirrors farther out, you can line up all three of your mirrors so they have minimal overlap -- and you can see everything behind you and beside you.

Here's how to do it.

For the full article and instructions, click here.

And until next time...

Safe Travels!

A.A.A.D.D.

2011-04-11T07:00:00.000-05:00

(I originally posted this to my old MySpace blog in mid-2007, after my husband forwarded to me with a note that said "this is YOU." Aw, honey. Too funny not to repost here!)

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn't washed the bills aren't paid there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

Samsung 500 at TMS

2011-04-10T09:00:00.000-05:00

I love me some NASCAR and one of my favorite track is Texas Motor Speedway...by virtue of the fact that it's only a few miles away and we used to be season ticket holders. And hopefully future season ticket holders, once the kids are older!

Here are my thoughts on this week's Saturday NIGHT race:

How 'bout that wind???
Hey Jerry - did you have 160k at the Super Bowl? Yeah, didn't think so.
Very classy National Anthem with the Armed Forces Brass Brigade.
Note to Fox: never ever ever again break away from a flyover to show Jimmy Johnson making out with his wife.
Note to Jimmy: Shave. That is all.
Note to Fox, again: Gee. Cowboy hats in Texas. That's original.
Note to Patti: thanks for letting me borrow .
"Boogity, boogity, boogity - let's go racing TEXAS style, boys!" Yeehaw!
Lap 4: Husband asks Toddler for a beer. Toddler obliges. Husband remarks, "I knew I had a child for a good reason." Mom rolls eyes.
Laps 5-119: Yaaaaaaaaaawn.
Lap 120: One word for this wreck: OUCH!
Lap 298: Ya'll might like Pit Stop Roulette, but I am not a fan.
Lap 300something: Can we go back to 2005 numbers and colors? I just realized I was rooting for the wrong damn car. *Sigh* It's late.
Lap 320: Get off the track, Kurt. Just go. I don't care who wins, just not you.
Lap 321: Kenseth. Really?
Lap 331: Kenseth. Really.
Lap 334: Kenseth. Really!

Good race, guys. Always glad to have ya'll in Texas. And many, many congrats to Kenseth, one of the truly nice guys in racing!

See ya'll in 'Dega!

Introducing...the Flashing Light

2011-03-29T07:00:00.003-05:00

Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.

The entrance to my neighborhood is guarded by a flashing red light. Not stop signs; nope, those are too mundane. Not a full traffic signal. Too structured. All four spokes of the intersection are governed by this flashing light.

And you would think people needed a PhD in Trafficology to figure out this modern-day Clash of the (Nissan) Titans!

Ok, people. Let's break it down for you.

Basically...someone who wanted to make money off lightbulbs instead of sheet metal transformed the STOP SIGN into a FLASHING RED STOP LIGHT.

Beyond that, the principle is the same. Exactly the same. We take turns once we get to the intersection. The first Eastbound/Westbound cars in the corresponding lanes go...and then the Northbound/Southbound cars go.

But most importantly, and why you people tick me off, is this point of driving etiquette:

If no one is currently at the intersection, and I get there before you do, I get to go through first. Period.

Let's recap.

If my wheels have come to a stop and yours have not, I was there first. And thus, I get to cross the intersection first. Period.

Here's another scenario that gets my gall.

If you're the second car in line, you don't get to go through the intersection at the same time as the first car in line.

We take turns, Bozo. My toddler is learning how to do that; why can't you?

I've heard the argument that some people might not realize that it's not an actual fully functional tri-color traffic light. I'd be willing to accept that argument if it (a) didn't flash 24/7/365, (b) didn't blink on and off in 1 second intervals and (c) I lived near hamsters with less than 1 second attention spans instead of living, breathing, and supposedly attentive human beings.

I don't know about any of the rest of you purportedly sane drivers out there, but when I'm alone in my car (read: no kids), and someone goes through the blinking red light intersection out of turn, I actively try to hit them.

Calm down. I'm not actually going to hit them. But if they're trying to jump my turn, off goes my horn, out comes my middle phalanges, and I proceed to take my turn. I definitely stop if they continue through the intersection; no numb-numb is worth wrecking my car (and in the area surrounding my neighborhood, they probably don't have insurance). But I make 'em work for it.

But Tiffany, why don't you do the Christian thing and forgive?

Heck no. This isn't a forgiveable offense, and they have no intention of atoning. Forgetting your turn signal at an intersection is an oopsie. Going out of turn is deliberate. Failing to understand basic traffic signals is ignorance. And ticking me off when I'm in my car is stupid.

How about you? How do you deal with the Battle of the Stupids when it comes to flashing red lights?

Until next time,

Safe travels!

Libya vs. Iraq

2011-03-25T17:30:00.001-05:00

Best. Ever. (Hat tip to B!)

Famous Canadians

2011-03-24T07:00:00.007-05:00

Too. Funny. Apologies to my Canadian family and friends, but my husband shared this one with me, and it's too good not to pass along!

You're Not That Important

2011-03-22T07:00:00.006-05:00

Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.

Hat tip to D for this timely tip:

"Put the cell phone down when boarding the plane! You can't put things in the overhead and hold a phone."

Sensible advice. Thanks, D!

Seriously, folks. You're. Not. That. Important.

When you were planning this particular trip, did you ask your ~~secretary~~ ~~administrative assistant~~ support staffer to schedule a meeting that would require you to be on the phone *just* as you were boarding?

I swear that people do this. You know. To make themselves look important to their fellow traveler. Mr. My Company Cannot Function Without Me. Ms. Corporate Ladder Climber Even While Midair.

And then there's Even Though I'm Gone I'm Still Your Mom.

"Jonathan. Jonathan. Put that down. What do you mean, how did I know you were holding it? I can hear your sister shrieking about it in the background. Plus, I'm your mother, aren't I?"

Yes, but I wish you weren't. Just for five minutes. If your kid's not on fire, put down the dang phone.

Here are the components for successfully loading an airplane:

Get in line.
Walk forward.
Stow your luggage.
Sit down.

The first, second and fourth steps were learned in preschool. For those of you with stay-at-home-moms, maybe you didn't learn it until kindergarten. Either way, let's be real - that was at least back in the Reagan administration. You've surely repeated those motions enough times to master them by now, right?

So let's get back to that all important third step: stowing your luggage.

Ooooh. Overhead bin. In a Greyhound bus, it's just "the shelf above your seat." Airlines spiffed it up. Either way, you're likely going to need two arms to get the bag you snuck past the unsuspecting agent and loaded with 60 5-pound dumbbells up into this thing. And no, it's not the ~~stewardess's~~ ~~flight attendant's~~ lady in the plane's (hat tip, George Carlin) problem to do this for you when you are too inconsiderate to put down your phone for 10 seconds.

I'll bet you're that same guy who won't shut down his phone when told so we can get this tin can with wings in the sky.

Seriously. Have you considered Greyhound?

Until next time,

Safe travels!

Thursday Thirteen #23: Why PA is Cool

2011-03-17T00:00:00.005-05:00

Join in the Thursday Thirteen fun here!

It's no secret that I have no intention of moving back to the area where I spent the first 21.5 years of my life: Scranton or Mountainhome, Pennsylvania. I'm perfectly happy here, where the west begins: Fort Worth, Texas. But I've got to give credit where credit is due and call out a few things that are just better there than here...or anywhere else, for that matter. Here we go...

13. Callie's Candy Kitchen, Mountainhome, PA
If you can better candy anywhere...well, you clearly haven't been to Callie's. I loved going here while growing up second to no other store. Between the yummiest chocolates (my mouth is watering this very moment thinking about their chocolate covered strawberries!) and the friendliest hospitality (no one can beat Mr. Callie himself!) this place is the A#1 best.

12. Yuengling Lager, Pottsville, PA
America's oldest brewery also produces America's best damn beer. Don't argue with me over this; I definitely know what I'm talking about. Only drawback: distribution basically limited to Eastern Seaboard states. Which Texas is not. *sob*

11. Delaware Water Gap, PA/NJ Border on I-80
Technically, Pennsylvania has to share this gem with New Jersey, but we'll claim the beauty for it, mkay? A lot of people talk about visiting New England in the fall to revel in the beauty of the changing leaves. Skip it! Instead, simply make the drive across I-80 from PA to NJ through the 'Gap' and you'll see the prettiest view you could imagine. Love it. Lots. I hate winter, not fond of fall, but I'll jump through blazing hoops to be there at season change!

10. Wings, NEPA
If you want wings, go to NEPA. My own personal favorite is Kelly's, especially on "Wing Night," which occurs every Wednesday. Pitcher of Yuengling, couple baskets of wings, and life is golden. Yum!

9. Pizza, Old Forge, PA
Some people like New York Pizza. Others say Chicago is the way to go. I saw pish tosh...go to Old Forge, PA. Pick damn near to any of the pizzerias, and you'll find that your mouth is saying "New York what?" and "Chicago where?"

8. Accents, Statewide
You can't really beat the plethora of accents found in the Keystone State. Travel down to the Amish country and listen to the local dialects of the Plain people. (Bring a German dictionary; it won't be the same, but it'll help!) Then come back up to NEPA and attempt to answer the age old question of "hayna or no?" Have no idea what the question queries? May take a few more trips back east to learn. Head west in PA and you can feel like you're in the Midwest without ever leaving the Northeast.

7. St. Patrick's Day Parade, Scranton, PA
Parade Day is a bigger holiday in Scranton, PA than, well, any other. But the trick to parade day isn't to find the best viewing location for the floats; it's to plot carefully where you'll start and end the day - and I'm talking bars here, folks. Big deal stuff. But ya have to be there to understand - so I highly encourage you to go!

6. Italian Festival, Scranton, PA
Every Labor Day weekend, the Italians in 'The Valley' respond to the Irish day of drunken debauchery by staging a weekend long eating orgy featuring the best damn Italian food, drinks and desserts you can imagine. Staged on Courthouse Square, it's an experience that can't be beat at a cost that will leave your tummy, kids and wallet feeling pleasantly pleased.

5. The Pothole, Archbald, PA
Anywhere else in America, drivers complain to local Departments of Public Works or Departments of Transportation to fill in the annoying potholes that slow down cars and screw up alignments. But in Archbald, PA, The Pothole is one that will never be filled (ok, that's most of 'em in PA) but will instead be visited both by bemused locals and curious visitors. Basically just a deep hole in the ground, it's actually considered a park and, well, go see!

4. Philadelphia Museum of Art, Philadelphia, PA
Have you seen Rocky, or at least have you not lived under a rock at any point during the last 3 decades? Then do I really need to say more. Queue the music...and...STEPS!

3. The Diner, Statewide
There are more diners in PA than residents. Ok, that's not true, but if you want some truly yummy food anytime of day or night, head to a diner. I grew up loving the Mountainhome Diner, Scotrun Diner, Glider Diner, and Chick's Diner. What's your favorite?

2. Barrett Friendly Library, Barrett Township, PA
This institution puts the friendly in reading. Although no longer house in the most beautiful old stone building ever, this library should be duplicated all around the world, just to help people learn to love to read again. I've been in many libraries in many places, folks. Most remind me of an office building. Or prison. Not this one! Feels like going home to a good book. Oh, wait. You are.
(Full disclosure: I grew up going to this library, one of the librarians is the mom of my childhood best friend, and one of the others is a first cousin. Just so ya know...)

1. Lewis' Supermarket, Mountainhome, PA
I spent a large part of my childhood and adolescence in this store, either hanging out in the back office, the break room, or working at the front registers. I've still never found another store laid out in as sensible a manner, with friendlier checkout clerks, more knowledgeable staff, and a size that says "we got what you need without needing to display 6 varieties of every item and causing you to spend longer grocery shopping than you sleep in a typical day." If I could bottle this place and bring it to Texas, I would. In a heartbeat!
(Full disclosure: my dad was a part owner of this store for more than 40 years, along with two of my uncles, and it is now owned by two of my cousins with two more cousins working in it. Again, just so ya know...)

Happy Thursday Thirteen ya'll and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Why Charlie Sheen is Right

2011-03-16T21:00:00.000-05:00

I was re-watching my favorite Two and a Half Men episode last night and reflecting on how sad I was that I wouldn't get to see Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer ham it up on the set of the show any longer.

Have you seen the show? I love it. Have seen every single episode, most many times.

If you've seen the show, you've surely met the character of Charlie Harper. Drunk, insensitive womanizer who makes his living in show business.

Read that last sentence again.

I was describing Charlie Harper.

But let's think seriously about this, folks.

Didn't Charlie Sheen have a reputation for being a wild guy long before this show debuted?

Yup.

And hasn't Charlie Sheen played the hell out of Charlie Harper these last half dozen seasons?

Isn't he all the more believable, because, well, he was pretty well typecast?

"Television's number 1 comedy" didn't get to that position by using a choir boy to play a bad boy.

Hasn't Charlie Sheen had other issues, particular to his drinking, prior to this?

Hasn't he shot off his mouth in the past?

Even gotten in trouble with the law?

All while on the show.

And yes, it is Chuck Lorre's story lines that the show is dependent upon...

But it's Charlie Sheen's character, Charlie Harper, that carries the show to the heights it has attained.

Asking Charlie to separate from Charlie is pure hypocrisy. And it makes me angry.

Is it ok to be a drunk, insensitive womanizer?

Apparently only when you're Charlie Harper, not Charlie Sheen.

What say you?

NASCAR Wrapup: 2011 Kobalt 400 (Vegas)

2011-03-07T19:33:00.001-06:00

I always get nervous heading into Las Vegas, folks. Everyone knows it's Busch territory. Kurt and Kyle know that track inside out and routinely do well there.

And I can't stand 'em.

But Carl got a little retribution from last week's unlovely tap by Kyle Busch and drove away with today's checkered flag. Yahoo!

And how about Jr. with a second top-ten? Maybe the curse gets broken this year and my man gets the wins he's worked so hard to chase.

And poor Kyle's car flamed out. Literally. Boohoo.

Speaking of boohoo, today's "Man Up" award goes to Tony Stewart. His post race whining was ugly, man. Get it together!

What did you think?

Explaining the People Mover

2011-03-01T07:00:00.002-06:00

Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.

I just love easy ways to get from one place to another, quickly. I don’t have much patience for slowness of any sort. (I’m sure that’s a shocker!)

So you know I love me some people movers at the airport.

It seems, however, like some of my fellow travelers are not as bought into their use as I am. So let’s spend today’s Tuesday Travels post explaining the people mover.

You are familiar, I assume, with the concept of the escalator?

Nifty thing. Ensures that you don’t have to walk up and down stairs on your own. Also ensures that a snagged scarf can lead to your untimely demise, but that’s another story…

Ahem.

A people mover is a horizontal escalator. Phineas and Ferb dismantled an escalator, smoothed out the bumps, and spent their day installing it in an airport.

What a cool concept – instead of sprinting wildly from one gate to the next in order to just miss my flight, I can get on the people mover and have it aid in my efforts.

But only if you, fellow traveler, cooperate.

GET OUT OF MY WAY.

Ahem.

When on a people mover, similarly to an escalator, similarly to a highway, slow traffic should stay to the right and allow passing on the left.

If you’re going to let the people mover do all of the work to move you from point A to point B, that’s cool. No problem. But some of us want to do double duty here and enjoy the forward motion of the people mover while still motorizing on our own.

And when you, or your gigantinormous luggage, are standing still, you become like a speedbump to me. And since I’m not a big fan of the slalom, it would be much appreciated if everyone standing still could do so on the same side, so I can speed my way in a straight line rather than running hurdles.

Mmmkay? Thanks!

And until next time,

Safe Travels!

NASCAR Wrapup: 2011 Subway 500 (Phoenix)

2011-02-27T19:25:00.013-06:00

I have to admit...I'm 4-days post-surgery and still relying pretty heavily on pain meds. And towards the end of today's race, I found myself wondering if I'd accidentally taken too many. Because this Jr. fan started rooting for the #24! Teammate or not, um, ick! But in a world where I definitely will root for anyone BUT Kyle Busch, well, GO JEFF GO!

Really, I was pleased with most of the top ten - my Dale got in there, hubby's Harvick did well, and Jimmie Gordon got a break from the DNF gods. But really, the best news here is the lack of a W for Kyle!

But how about them wrecks, man? What was Kenseth doing on lap 67? A little contact is one thing, but he wiped out almost a third of the dang field!

And of course, Kyle owns Carl Edwards a huge apology for that mess.

But overall, a good race at a decent track!

Silent Courtesy

2011-02-22T07:00:00.000-06:00

Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.

We (us travelers, that is) have a purpose for being on a plane. We’re going somewhere. (Duh, right?) Maybe it’s for business. Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe something is wrong and we have to get somewhere fast. Regardless, we’re going somewhere.

And it ain’t to a Toastmasters meeting. (Unless you’re going to a convention. But that’s another story!)

Now, please believe me when I say that I’m not knocking Toastmasters. I’m a Toastmaster. CC/CL. Current VP Education for my club, which is comprised mainly of airline employees. Have won a bunch of contests. Looooooooove talking. (There’s a surprise.)

But being on a plane isn’t the same as being at a Toastmasters meeting. What’s I’m trying to say here is that we should all act courteously toward one another while in the air…but we don’t have to chat or soliloquize while 40,000 over the Midwest.

I’m sure you’re a great person. I can see that you have fabulous hair, a pretty suit and a snazzy iSuck. But, as you can see from my notebook and poised pen, I’ve got plans for this flight that don’t include replaying the Q&A session from the Miss America competition. Plus, with my lack of fabulous hair, a pretty suit, and a snazzy iSuck, we all know I’ll just get Miss Congeniality.

Ahem. Which brings me to…

While I may not want to engage you in scintillating conversation while on the plane, I certainly am not going to be rude to you either. I can show courtesy…silently.

When you say hi, I’m just going to smile. When you start off into a rambling monologue on the state of affairs in IndoChina (clearly, my flight is in 1968) I’m going to nod and look back to my notebook.

I may not be feeling social on this flight, but I can show silent courtesy.

Can you?

Until next time…

Safe travels!

NASCAR Wrapup: 2011 Daytona 500

2011-02-20T22:01:00.000-06:00

This year's Great American Race is in the history - and record! - books. What did you think of it? Do you agree with some early reports that it was one of the most unpredictable Daytona 500s to date, or are you a bit puzzled by some of the changes and outcomes?

Here are some of my thoughts:

Dale Earnhardt 10th Anniversary Tributes

By and large, I think the tributes prior to the race were very tastefully done. Fox devoted an amount of time to the memory of Dale Earnhardt that seemed respectful and not over-the-top.

I was floored by the depth of emotion that I felt during the 3rd lap when everyone had their three fingers up and the broadcast booth went silent. This will sound silly, but the four deaths that have saddened me the most in my life are my Dad, Princess Diana, Dale Earnhardt, and Ronald Reagan. In that order. I'm still sad about The Intimidator ten years later and can't get through any of his biographies with dry eyes. Forever #3.

I loved the Chevy black and white #3 commercial that added in red at the end. Wow!

I was also glad to see that there was one last tribute at the end during the recap. I cried. Nuff said.

The New Points System

Do you get the new points system? I've read the "rules" of it a few times and I'm still a bit puzzled on what happens after race 26 with points resets and numbers 11 and 12 and the whole Chase concept. Throughout the rest of the year, I'm not puzzled at all; having simplified points makes sense all the way around. But, uh, why do we suddenly go back to "Only An Actuary Would Understand Land" at the start of the Chase? Or...maybe that's just me?'

The Pre-Race and Fox

The TMZ spoof was hilarious!!! Loved it...and I've only seen TMZ like 3 times in my life!

Female sportscasters annoy me. Sexist? Maybe. but they'd be more believable if they looked like Coach Beast from Glee.

But DW...love that man. Boogity, boogity! Best quote of the race: "Forget the gauges; run it 'til it blows!"

Daytona

Congratulations, Daytona International Raceway, on joining the rest of us in the 21st century. I can't believe that the last time your track was resurfaced was THIRTY TWO YEARS AGO in 1979. It looked beautiful - ya'll did a great job!

I was far more impressed by the National Anthem, as sung by Martina McBride, at the Daytona 500 than the Christina Aguilera rendition at the Super Bowl. And I loved seeing Michael Waltrip mouthing the words. And then the USAF Thunderbirds flyover? Yes, please. Great job!

On the flip side...the "Gentlemen, start your engines" was terible. Not hating on the Transformers crew, but, well, stick to the big screen instead of the dashboard. And the three Transformers cars in the parade lap was an...odd stunt.

The Race

I was thrilled to see Jr. get the pole...and sad that he wrecked in practice and had to go to the back. Le sigh. But on his 400th career start, he sure did a great job...until the end. And even then, he wasn't the one not doing a good job. I do love the concept the prerace chatter pointed to several times of Dale Jr. being the Pied Piper at times!

Seeing Kevin Harvick in Budweiser gear throws my mind right the hell off. See...I'm a Dale, Jr. fan. And have a lot of his former Budweiser gear. And my husband is a Kevin Harvick fan. And has no Budweiser gear. So does this mean I have to bequeath my Bud grubs to the husband?

Can't believe the Big One hit on lap 29! Nice to see the Hendrick cars had a team meeting there on the apron; glad Dale Jr. was late!

Mark Martin is still racing? Anyone else notice that he's beginning to resemble Yoda?

I realize that it's for a bigger cause (hunger) but I love AARP sponsoring the #24.

The drafting concept at play in Daytona today needs a lot of work. The deal making seemed shaky, at best, at times. The cars absolutely cannot go into turns three wide two deep and stacked up and expect to come out unscathed. And if you're gonna bump, make sure the bumpee is aware and you're positioned square. Yeesh! To be honest, with all of the two-car hook-ups, it looked a little bit like Lego cars linked together.

The spotter chatter sounded like auctioneers...although I can also see the comparison the announcers made between the spotters and air traffic controllers!

The Winner

This kid looks like someone signing up for driver's ed, not a professional racer. But boy can he drive! Heckuva 20th birthday present! And happy Daytona Sunday!

Keep Your Shirt On!

2011-02-15T07:00:00.001-06:00

Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.

Hey! You! Yeah, you! The one undressing on my airplane.

Let’s chat.

I fly fairly often. Not a road warrior, but my family and I get on a half dozen or more flights a year, plus I fly periodically for work – which, for me, is an airline.

But today, I’m talking to the people who apparently fly so infrequently that they may believe they’ve taken the right hand exit to the Red Door Spa instead of the left hand exit onto the MD80.

Keep your shirt on. Please!

When we get on the aircraft, I find it very appropriate to settle in and get comfortable for the flight, be it 45 minutes or 4.5 hours.

I do not.not.not find it appropriate to strip on the plane.

Have you ever seen the people who do this? They board the plane wearing about 17 layers – wanted to avoid those checked bag fees, right? – and by the time we’re taxiing for takeoff, they’re dressed appropriately for a sauna.

And then there’s the kind folks who sit down and remove their shoes. Unless you’re planning to pass out clothes pins as well and provide pedicures for the entire group, please don’t! Wearing sandles on summer flights is one thing; deliberately disrobing is another.

So let’s review, here. No shoes, no shirt, you should get no service. You will. The plane will still take off and we’ll still wing our way to our destination together. But you sure aren’t winning any friends.

Until next time…

Safe travels!

Exploring the Child Tax Credit

2011-02-10T07:00:00.001-06:00

I've been boning up on portions of tax law that are either new, changing, or of fresh relevance to me this year, and thought I'd post up some of my findings, in case they can help any of you.

Let's talk about the child tax credit.

Clearly, I've used this in the past for Catherine, and will use it this year for Jeffrey as well.

But the focus of my research was claiming someone other than my son or daughter; namely, my nephew, who lived with us from May 2010 through January 2011.

Here's what I've found:

To claim the child tax credit, the child in question has to pass six tests: age, support, relationship, dependent, citizenship, residence.

In detail:

Age - The child must be under 17

Support - The child can provide no more than 50% of his own support

Relationship - Son, daughter, foster child, brother, sister, grandson, granddaugher, niece, nephew and step-children of all of the preceding varieties

Dependent - The child must be claimed as a dependent on the filer's taxes during the year where the child tax credit is claimed for them (does this seem like a no-brainer to anyone else?)

Citizenship - The child must be a legal US citizen, resident, or resident alien

Residence - The child must reside with the filer for greater than 50% of the year for which the child tax credit is claimed

Let's recap and see if we qualify:

Age? 15...check!
Support Himself? On video games. But seriously, no. Check!
Relationship? Nephew...check!
Dependent? Executed temporary guardianship documentation, enrolled in school here...check!
Citizenship? Mars. Nevermind. USA-USA-USA! Check!
Residence? May-December = 8 months. 8/12 = 75%. 75% > 50%. Check!

Looks like we're good to go...hope this info is helpful to you as well!

And remember: even if the child qualifies to be claimed on your taxes, always make sure no one else is claiming him as well; a child can be claimed only once, no matter how many people have a valid claim.

For more details: IRS.gov: Child Tax Credit (PDF)

Driving in Winter

2011-02-08T07:00:00.001-06:00

Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.

We've had what I would consider to be more than our fair share of winter weather in north Texas this year, and so we've experienced more than our fair share of drivers who could use a little...help. Especially with more weather predicted later this week.

So for today's Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany, I'd like to explore some ideas to make us all safer on the roads.

Your SUV is worthless. If you think it's going to protect you from ice, just do us all a favor and park until spring.
Countersteering is king. Think of your car on ice like a boat on water: sometimes, you need to do what's counterintuitive to keep from capsizing.
Carry kitty litter in your trunk. Not only will this give you some weight to make your car less of a deadly brick, you can also use it to spread under your tires to gain traction ~~when~~ if you get stuck on ice.
Bridges = bad. See, they have no land beneath them that can retain heat and ensure against unnecessary freezing. That means you need to slow waythehell down before going across a bridge that ~~might be~~ is icy.
Unless you have an emergency or a boss who was raised in Alaska, you might just want to stay home. It's just not worth fooling around with other drivers who probably haven't read this post!

Until next time...

Safe travels!

Texans and Snow

2011-02-03T07:10:00.001-06:00

Before I moved to Texas almost nine years ago, I would have sworn to you that it didn't snow here. After all, I was moving to the area better known for 100+ degree days in the summer than lower-than-freezing in the winter.

My first winter here, we had two days off from work for sleet. My mom hasn't yet stopped teasing me about that.

Last Christmas, we had a foot of snow. A foot! Are you kidding me?

And now, today, we're on our third day of iffy roads and cancelled activities. So I thought I'd offer up three reflections this morning on snow in Texas.

Your SUV is worthless. I love that people think that because they have a big old honking truck or SUV, they can barrel down barely-cleared roads. First, it has to have four wheel drive to make a difference, and many of the SUVs and trucks in Texas do not. Second, the moron sitting up front has to know HOW to handle a four wheel drive for it to do a damn bit of good. Here's a hint: stay home.
Buy out the entire grocery store. Please. Because in addition to being stuck in your house a whole half mile from the store for ohmygod three days, we may also then get hit by an inland typhoon and a category 15 tornado that rips the very ground from beneath our feet. Seriously. I'm not kidding. I saw it on YouTube.
Post your plight to Facebook/Twitter/Your(my) Blog. Your friends up north in actual snow belts who are currently staring down 18 inches of fluff will definitely take pity on you and help you to plan out your survival strategy for the sleet that may come tomorrow. And they definitely won't make fun of you to other friends.

Ah, snow. Ah, Texas. What a perfect storm of hilarity!

Companion Pieces

0 to Mom: Kids and Snow Days

The Officer's Wife: Snow Days and Scheduling

SOTU Wrap Up

2011-01-25T22:09:00.000-06:00

Howdy, folks! I struggled to decide this year upon the format for my State of the Union response - line by line responses, like last year, or topical thoughts, as I've done with prior political speeches?

I've decided that topical is better than line by line - better use of my writing time; better use of your reading time. Hope you agree! Remember - comments are welcome, dissent is appreciated, but everything must be CIVIL!

The Use of Victims

In my opinion, it is appropriate to recognize victims of recent tragedies and send best wishes to them (if they are still living) or their families (if they are not). I do not, however, find it appropriate to use it as a wait to paint a divided body as unified or as a rallying cry. Obama seemed to prolong his Tucson-related comments, while Rep. Ryan mentioned it and moved on.

Taxcuts, Paychecks, Healthcare and Jobs

Obama trying to tell me that my paycheck is larger because of "his" tax cuts is like Greece saying it's a fiscally responsible country. (Apologies to Greek friends.) It's just funny. First, extending the BUSH tax cuts was a Republican prerogative. Second, my paycheck isn't larger.

Why?

Oh, yeah. My healthcare premiums went UP. So did my deductible, co-pays, and out-of-pocket maximum. I don't blame my company for this. I blame the government's so-called "reform."

Oh, and bringing up tort reform at this late date, Mr. President? When that and auditing government entitlements for FRAUD (more lower) would have been better done before last year's "reform?" Oy.

Highlighting 250,000 jobs is almost funny. Pointing to the success of a handful of "successful" small companies is sad. We should have MANY examples to point to. The absence of many and highlighting of few is indicative of the failure of the "bailout" of our country.

And calling our workers the most productive? Not when we enable laziness and limit innovation through over-governmentalizing EVERYTHING.

Funniest phrase of the evening: "We're not just handing out money."

Yes, you are. Through many different avenues and at length. Unchecked.

But you can't handle cutbacks with grace, can you Mr. President? At my company, employees gave back HUGE portions of their incomes after 9/11 and accepted little or no increases in pay for the following decade, in order to keep the company afloat. Excuse me if my sympathy is not with government employees unwilling to make the same sacrifice.

Innovation

How can the same man who has so limited NASA draw an allusion to "the Apollo of our time?" How can a man who is our Commander in Chief be ignorant that the innovations he mentioned (internet, etc.) had their basis in the military, not small business? Sure, small business grew into Silicon Valley. But its roots were vastly different.

And how can a man flout the desirability of green energy, advanced by small business, and forget the roots of the oil industry, all the while making hardworking men and women in that industry into the devil? Even as he knows their support of cleaner energy. And complaining about government support going to them while ignoring the MASSIVE tax dollars coming back to the government as a result, both from the oil companies themselves as well as on the gas tax.

Undocumented Workers

It was hard for me to type that phrase. I don't believe it. At all. Let's call a spade a spade: these are ILLEGAL aliens. I don't care why they're here. Almost all of us have touching tales of why our ancestors came to America: my mom's family was looking for new opportunity, 400 years ago; my dad's family was escaping religious persecution in the Middle East. But either way, they came in the appropriate manner, not specifically flaunting the laws of our nation.

And that's what it is. It's not opportunity seeking when the chance to become legal is ignored. It's a complete disregard and disrespect for our laws.

Yes, let's not take it out on the kids of illegal aliens. But let's not give illegal aliens a FREE PASS or an EXCUSE just because they have kids.

Infrastructure

Obama spent a few minutes on rail. Studies have shown in this country that even areas with many opportunities for rail and other shared ride programs, they are underutilized. Our culture is simply different than Europe and Asia. More money spent on rail isn't better spending. And first of all, we'd need to recapture MANY MANY DOLLARS from other fraud-fraught government programs to even afford this.

Airlines

(Please remember that even though I work for an airline, any thoughts posted here are MINE and MINE ALONE. I represent no one else's ideas. Period.)

The joke on the patdowns was weak. Um, it's YOUR government that came up with that idea, Mr. President.

And the aircraft-sans-engine analogy was, uh, muddled. An aircraft can't fly without an engine. Decisions to take off weight are made before takeoff. You didn't make sense. Maybe this is simply a great example of your entire speech, though. Cute words; no substance.

Redistribution of Wealth

I believe that a rose by any other name...is still a rose.

By challenging high income Americans to pay more in taxes (you do know, Mr. President, that they already pay a majority, right?) in order to "promote America's success", you're just encouraging the socialist idealogy of redistribution of wealth, right?

The Government/The Country/The Rhetoric

So you're against earmarks, now? How many were necessary to get your healthcare law passed?

"A government that lives within its means?" Oh, please.

"This is a place where you can make it if you try." But how many people don't try and live off the government instead? A lot. Seen it. A lot. And it continues throughout generations.

Representative Ryan's Response

It felt like President Obama's speech was slick, and Representative Ryan's was sincere. Anyone else get that vibe?

I LOVED Rep. Ryan's point that the amount of confidence people have in the government is inversely proportionate with the size of the government. Truer words could not be spoken.

Of all of his remarks, I liked those centered on self-initative best.

Self-Initiative

"Which allows able-bodied people into lives of complacency and dependency." Isn't this what I scream all of the time about the problem with our welfare state and the lack of self-initative in many citizens?

"Hold all of us accountable." Certain quarters wouldn't like that; easier to have someone to blame.

What say you, readers?

My Life and Meat Loaf

2011-01-12T01:39:00.005-06:00

I'm a huge fan of Meat Loaf. Have been since childhood - and I'm surely not talking about the dinner entree.

Like many teenagers, I went through an angry phase. Ok, maybe a decade. It started around the time of my grandmother's death, when my mother's extreme grief left me feeling abandoned, and ended 9 years later when I decided I didn't need constant anger and triggers in my life. I moved 1500 miles away and *poof* - instantly happier person. Have been for most of the almost-nine years I've been here in Texas. Life hasn't been without it's ups and downs - but I'm one helluva lot more balanced now than as a teen.

I have a teenager in my house right now who is at the pinnacle of his angry stage. Been there for awhile. Came down a bit for awhile, but now back up there in the clouds that seem to have a red tinge. It's been a tremendous opportunity to get to work with him since he arrived in mid-May of 2010 but it feels like an impending huge loss to know he'll be leaving in less than two weeks. And naturally, since life gets boring without drama, the shiznit hit the fan...actually, it's been hitting and splattering for just over a month now.

Tonight, while reviewing what was a not-so-great evening, I was suddenly transported back to my own teen years (cue the music from Bat Out of Hell II: Back Into Hell) and the words from one of my favorite Meat Loaf songs sprang into my head. That doesn't happen to me very often; I love music but don't generally define my life with lyrics.

In fact, I can think of only four times this has happened to me, including tonight:

a song I shared with my high school sweetheart:
(You're Still the One, Shania Twain),
the song that prompted me to change my college major:
(Livin' On a Prayer, Bon Jovi),
the song I share with my husband:
(Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flats),
and now the song to describe the past three-quarters of a year:
Meat Loaf's Everything Louder than Everything Else (Wasted Youth).

Here are the lyrics that are resonating with me right now, used completely without permission but with all credit for their genius going to artist Meat Loaf and composer Jim Steinman. (First 5 lines are key, the next two parenthetical lines are one of my personal mantras, and the remainder is included because, well, I've always loved this entire stanza.)

And I ain't in it for the power,
And I ain't in it for my health
I ain't in it for the glory of anything at all
And I sure ain't in it for the wealth
But I'm in it till it's over and I just can't stop
(If you wanna get it done,
You gotta do it yourself)
And I like my music like I like my life
Everything louder than everything else,
Everything louder than everything else,
Everything louder than everything else,
Everything louder than everything else,
Everything louder than everything else,
Everything louder than everything else.

Read the full lyrics here.
Great stuff. I'll have to hunt up either my original or live CD tomorrow and play. For the first time in years, I'll fall asleep tonight listening to music...even if it's only inside of a memory inside of my head.

Good night!

Caring and Sharing in Hotels

2011-01-11T07:00:00.000-06:00

Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.

Today's topic is learning how to share hotel rooms.

No, no, no. I'm not talking about physically sharing a hotel room with someone else, particularly someone else you do.not.know.

What I'm talking about is caring and sharing in a hotel room that will, yes indeedy, be used by someone else after you check out.

*Gasp*

Betcha never thought about that, eh?

Just because most hotels employ maid services, don't think that you have carte blanche to lose all sense of propriety and hygiene.

I'm talking about you, Mr. I'm Gonna Throw a Condom on the Floor. Eeeeewie. Do you do that at home? 'Cause if you do, I'm never coming to visit. Do you honestly think the carpets in hotels get washed more than once a millenium?

I'm talking to you, Ms. Conveniently Lose a Bra Behind the Television Set. Really? Really? Stop.

And I'm talking to all ya'll that do nasty things (get your mind out of the gutter; I'm talking about eating greasy food!) on the bed comforter.

Listen, folks. I worked as a hotel maid. Briefly. Like for a week. Because the hotel where I worked in a restaurant had all of it's maids quit simultaneously and I got talked into doing it for a couple of extra bucks besides my hourly. And it was seriously the most disgusting thing ever.

Except changing new-to-baby-food diapers. But I digress...

Why do human beings, especially Mr. Professional Business Traveler and Ms. Have It All Together Mom, devolve into disgusting creatures while on the road? You're leaving behind a mess not only for the person who is getting minimum wage to clean your room (and tip, dummy!), but also potentially for the next user of the room.

I'm not a constant traveler, but I've been to my fair share of places. We'll estimate that I've stayed in 3 dozen different hotels in the last five or so years. And you wouldn't believe what I've seen. (For the sake of not seriously grossing anyone out, I won't go into details. Just let your imagination go to the worst.possible.corner and then take it a step further.)

So when you're traveling, learning about caring and sharing in hotels is absolutely key. Here are some tips:

1. If you wouldn't do it at home, don't do it at a hotel. Now, I'm not telling you not to do it do it. But don't do it in a way that you wouldn't do it at home. Got it?
2. If even you're too grossed out to clean something up, maybe you shouldn't have done it in the first place. And you definitely should clean it up. Like right now.
3. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" doesn't mean you leave your manners and hygiene at the door.
4. Tip your housekeeper. He or she works for a low sum of money doing work that you'd like want to be paid beaucoup bucks to perform. A few bucks goes a long way towards good will.
5. Just because you ask the front desk for something doesn't mean they have it or have an obligation to get it for you.
6. Room service is a luxury that ought not be spoiled by you spilling your remains all over the hallway. Yeah, you. The one who complained on TripAdvisor that the hallways were dingy. Who, pray tell, do you think caused that?

Now you're ready to go forth and be a courteous hotel guest!

Until next time...

Safe travels!

Hair and Insight

2011-01-10T07:00:00.025-06:00

I had a "day off" on Saturday to go have some kid-less time. I used part of the time to get my hair done. I love making conversation, so I asked the hairdresser (a student who did a SUPERB job) why she had chosen to go to beauty school.

Her answer surprised me. She didn't cite a love of hair or a lifetime spent beautifying others. Instead, she told me this story.

A few years ago, not long after she graduated from high school, she was speaking to a friend of hers who she considers to be a talented artist.

She told her friend that she admired his talent, but didn't feel like she had any talent of her own.

His answer was outstanding.

"Create one."

His point, she relayed to me, was that not all talent is inborn. Some is acquired, and has to be worked at to master. (I'd argue that some = most.) He told her that she couldn't wait for a talent to be magically revealed, but instead needed to work to develop a talent of her own.

This young lady loves fashion and one day dreams of owning a string of stores catering to various areas of talent, such as shoes, clothes, and wedding gear. But she realizes that the money and knowledge to be able to do that doesn't just fall from heaven.

So she went to college, where she has a year of school to finish for a business degree, and is also attending beauty school. She wants to master the full package of fashion, and that includes both the business end and the service end.

How smart! And how many of us sit around waiting for talent to magically drop down on us?

We can learn from the sage decisions of this young lady. Don't wait or expect talent to just happen - work for it!

What do you think?

New Year, Abandoned Resolutions

2011-01-09T13:00:00.000-06:00

Do you all like to make New Year's Resolutions? I do. There's nothing I like more than writing out a list of goals.

How do you all feel about keeping them? Um, yeah. I'm not so good either.

I came into 2011 gung ho with my new resolution. Blog more, write more, clean more, and then relax more. Oh, and there's all those resolutions for my full-time job, too.

With one+ week down, I'm not doing so well. Oh yeah, and the gaining weight thing. Not so much.

What I'm trying to learn is that you can start or restart resolutions any time of the year - and that just because they haven't worked in the past doesn't mean they won't take this time.

So I'm going to try to restart today. Won't you join me on this journey?