It didn’t exactly go down this way, but I tried to write it down as close as possible (I might have missed one or two tangents that may have occurred during this session)… from a fun D&D campaign I had the honor to be part of:

DM: Behind the secret door in the wall, you see a set of stairs… leading down into the darkness.

PLAYER J: My barbarian looks carefully down the stairs.

DM: Roll.

One bad dice roll later.

DM: It’s dark but it looks safe to you.

PLAYER J: I start heading down the stairs.

PLAYER R: Wait.  It could be trapped.  Where did we leave that stone guardian I turned into abstract art?

PLAYER C: Down the hall a bit.

PLAYER J: I’ll get it.

DM: Sounds of stone slowly scraping across stone echo down the hall.

PLAYER J: What now?

PLAYER R: Push it down the stairs.

DM: Dammit.

Sounds of grumbling echo from across the living room.  Followed by the sounds of numerous dice rolls.

DM: The statue goes tumbling down the stairs setting off and bending the spring-loaded blade traps in each step.  It makes a squishy sound as it hits the bottom of the stairs. 

PLAYER J: The statue squished.  Statues aren’t supposed to squish.  Arazel, I think you broke the statue with your magic.

PLAYER R: That was the whole point of the spell.

PLAYER L (I believe): Maybe it was just squishy on the inside.

… tangent on candies with crunchy candy shells and squishy guts …

DM: Okay, let’s get back to the game.  With the blades bent there’s no way you can walk down the stairs without injuring your feet and legs.

PLAYER R: Isn’t the barbarian still carrying that tower shield around? 

PLAYER C: Yeah, the one we were using to protect us from the archers.

PLAYER J: You mean this tower shield?

PLAYER R: Everybody hop on.

DM: {sigh}

Nothing like a good ol’ scientific poke with a stick to get you back on your feet again.  Good thing too… cause I think Balder would rather be conscious for this next quest.

I wanna say something here but the shiny death distracted me.

And since my week needs some extra levity, here’s a link to The Dead Alewives Watchtower’s sketch on Dungeons & Dragons (mp3 download).

E tan, e epi tan.

The combo to unlock that move is [A+B+X+Y, LB, LB, X, X , ->, ->, Y, RB], but only if you do it while standing on your head drinking a can of Tab and singing one hit wonders from the 80s.

Mystic cubes of self-aggrandizing… don’t mind me, I just like saying that.  It’s not quite as much fun as saying "chupacabra", but still…

Gotta love those slippers.

Quick Announcement: It looks like the problems at Amazon are cleared up now, so the Brat-halla: Volume One trade collection is showing as "in stock" there (and 10% off at the moment… so $13.50 for the book).

For some of us RPGers, some of the magic was letting our imaginations get carried away with what might be out there… just to find out it was much worse than we thought.