Bo Knows - A Funny Dog Blog

Hole in One for Dog

I’ve received lots of email from readers that claim I’m too pro-dog, anti-cat biased.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

As evidence take my sister Mothball (please). Yes she of the feline variety, is a key member of the BoKnowsOnline leadership cabinet. She’s responsible for editing all cat related stories. In fact, she designed the cat-carrier for kittens.

In fact, she picked out today’s story, and it does nothing to make canines look good. It’s about Daisy, a hole in the wall and a rescue effort.

The Evening Star has the details.

FIREFIGHTERS had to rescue Daisy the dog when the dozy hound got her head stuck in a vent.

Black and white Staffordshire terrier Daisy poked her head into a round hole which is used as a tumble dryer vent, Cambridgeshire Fire and Rescue Service said.

A fire crew from St Neots had to remove some bricks from the outside of the property and then “gently” chiselled away at the area of wall surrounding the dog’s head to free her, an operation which talk [sic] 30 minutes.

Daisy was unharmed, apart from a couple of scratches to her face which she got trying to free herself.

Kevin Napier, watch manager at St Neots fire station, said: “She even gave us all lots of licks to say thank you.

“She has now been checked over by a vet and given a clean bill of health.”

Asked if she was embarrassed by the situation, Daisy said, “It could have been worse. I could be a cat.”

Chicks, Man

I love chicks.

You know, chicks as in females of the opposite sex. Don’t get me wrong, I like baby chickens too. Especially with hot sauce.

Anyway, we all know that if you want to rough house it, you hang loose with a guy. If you want love and cuddling, your odds go up by having a female by your side.

This is nothing new. In fact it’s one of the unbreakable laws of the universe. Just like e=mc², so does female = unconditional love.

I know this, my sister Copper knows this, and a dog named Fox surely knows this. Check out his story.

After tumbling from a cliff path on to a small beach, pet dog Fox was unhurt but trapped.

However, he was none too friendly to the coastguards winched down 80ft to rescue him - barking, growling and backing away.

Then, his owner Jane Ravine explained why - the collie-huskie cross has a phobia of men.

Her 13-year-old pet, named after his love of chasing foxes, fears and has a ‘loathing hatred’ of males.

Funny, my father told me the same sentiment was expressed by a few dogs he met in college.

Fox, who had already spent one night stuck on the Cornish beach, had to wait a second night while a female rescuer was summoned.

Marige Zwager, 31, abseiled down and coaxed him over with dog biscuits.

Fox then jumped into her arms and licked her face before allowing her to put him in a safety bag.

If you’re in China and you’re put in a ‘Safety Bag’ it means your going home as leftovers.

Miss Zwager, a Dutch- born member of the RSPCA’s cliff rescue team, said: ‘I abseiled down with a colleague and took some dog biscuits to coax him to me. He was cold, scared and hungry but my female charms worked.

Like I said, it’s one of the laws of the universe. Nothing works as well as female charm. Nothing.

Pickled Pigs Feet

“What a pig!”

I hear that expression a lot from my mother as we watch Dr. Phil from the safety of our couch. I don’t think she’s calling the good Dr. a pig, although I suspect he feeds at a trough. She aims her sharp attack at the witless men on the TV screen who seem to have difficulty grasping the concept of fidelity.

Now I can say, “What a pig!” too, but for an entirely different reason. Check out this story.

You can’t get much happier than a pig in muck, or so we are told.

But when this little piggy arrived in the farmyard she showed a marked reluctance to get her trotters dirty.

While her six brothers and sisters messed around in the mire, she stayed on the edge shaking. It is thought she might have mysophobia – a fear of dirt.

A pig, fearing dirt. That’s like a dog fearing social interaction, a cat fearing afternoon naps or Rosie O’Donnell fearing an all you can eat buffet. It’s unheard of.

Owners Debbie and Andrew Keeble were at a loss, until they remembered the four miniature wellies used as pen and pencil holders in their office. They slipped them on the piglet’s feet – and into the mud she happily ploughed.

In case you are wondering, welllies are boots. My parents tried putting some wellies on me once, to keep me from sliding on the hardwood floors in the house. I gotta be honest, didn’t like ‘em one bit. But then again, I’m not a filthy pig.

Here’s where the story takes an interesting twist:

The couple, who run the award-winning Debbie and Andrew’s sausage company in Thirsk, North Yorkshire, named the young saddleback Cinders after Cinderella and her magical glass slippers.

‘Hopefully she will grow out of her phobia of mud before she needs a new set of boots.’

And when Cinder does need new boots, she’ll end up at the breakfast table…well on it, along with a few eggs, sunny side up.

Sheep Afraid of Wolf Poster

Sheep. They’ll do anything you tell them.

I lived near a herd of sheep at one time. When I barked once; they’d turn left. When I barked twice; they’d turn right. When I barked three times; they’d run out and get me the paper.

Turns out, they’re quite obedient if you resemble a canine.

That’s why, when I read this story, I wasn’t surprised one bit.

He could be forgiven for looking just a bit sheepish, but this shepherd has learned how to control his flock using just a poster of a wolf.

No doubt the sheepherder said, “This is a real wolf. It is not a picture.”

Farmer Du Hebing couldn’t afford another dog after his old one died and had a brainwave after visiting a local wildlife park.

“They had a flock of rare sheep and as a joke one of the keepers had put a picture of a wolf in the enclosure.

“But I noticed that the sheep never went near it,” he explained.

Now Du has got his neighbours wondering what he flock he’s up to every time he moves his sheep.

“People laugh and point but it works – and the poster eats a lot less than any sheepdog,” he said.

Yeah, but who will keep him warm at night? Good luck cuddling a poster.

Cat For Dog Swap Meet

“Can’t we all just get along?” I hear my father ask at the breakfast table to no one in particular.

He’s deep into a story about kidnapping, extortion and grand theft. Must be he’s reading the Wall Street Journal again, right?.

Not so, it’s the Palm Beach Post and the story involves a cat, a dog and two humans.

A woman from Wellington and a man from Greenacres have been going at it like cats and dogs.

Now the man from Greenacres has both the cat and the dog, and the woman from Wellington has been charged with grand theft and extortion.

The Wellington woman faces two felony charges over allegations she kidnapped Hollar’s cat and left a threatening message.

Greenacres police say she stole the man’s cat because she thinks he has her dog.

She stole the man’s cat to get her dog back? That’s not a very fair trade. Maybe if she had taken one of his children, or maybe his wife, then it would have been a fair trade. But a cat for a dog on a straight up swap? C’mon, the man didn’t fall off the turnip truck yesterday.

On May 25, Jeff Hollar of Greenacres adopted a black Labrador retriever from Palm Beach County Animal Care and Control, took it home and named it Buddy, according to the police report.

On June 12, he got a call from Linda Urioste of Wellington, who told him that Buddy is actually Scooby, and that Scooby belongs to her.

A week later, Hollar’s 13-year-old gray cat, Mitz, disappeared from his front yard.

Mitz was not a magic cat, so the fact she disappeared was a bit odd. Time would provide an answer.

Three days later, on June 22, he found a message on his answering machine.

“Hi, Hollar residence, this is Linda. You were supposed to call me back regarding my dog Scooby, and I didn’t hear anything,” the speaker said, according to the report. “I was the used-to-be owner, but I was wondering if you were missing a gray pussy cat, because a pussy cat ran out in front of my car not far from your house, and I saved its life. I almost ran him over. So, I was just wondering how you are enjoying Scooby, because I am enjoying your pussy cat. … Have a nice day.”

Mitz was returned to Hollar, and Urioste was charged with two felonies. But Urioste remains defiant.

OK…I’m going to be serious for a moment. Hey Hollar, give Scooby back to the woman and go adopt another fuzzy, loving canine from the pound. We’ll all be better off for it.

Doogie Goat, MD.

Goat milk, goat cheese and the ever popular goat tee.

Which of these things doesn’t belong, which of these things isn’t the same?

Did you guess the goat tee? Guess again. Goat cheese, ba-a-a-ad choice.

The answer is goat’s milk. If you’re wondering why, then this scientific article is a must read.

Goats can now make medicine in their milk.

Yesterday the Food and Drug Administration approved Atryn, from GTC Biotherapeutics, a medicine to treat a hereditary deficiency of the clot-preventing chemical antithrombin. It will be the first medicine made in transgenic animals to be sold.

Several other companies are working on drugs from designer animals, but if this is a big trend it looks to be a long time coming. Even this small taste of success though, is enough to rile some consumer and animal rights groups, who see an environmental danger or a form of goat abuse.

If Goats can make medicine in their milk, and small humans can make doody in their pants, then what’s to keep me from making medicine in my doody?

Watch Your Step-High Wire Dog

We’ve been known to jump through hoops for acceptance, but there are some of us who’ll go just a bit further. Take this Mastiff for instance.

A Chinese dog has performed a breathtaking high wire stunt in front of thousands of spectators. The two-year-old Tibetan mastiff called Hu Hu (Tiger) performed the stunt at a special event to showcase dog tricks in Chongqing city.

I find it hard to believe that any dog named Tiger can pull off anything other than being a mediocre canine actor in a mid 70’s television show. So my expectations were kinda low until I saw the picture.

They watched as he climbed to the top of a four metre platform and balanced along two thin steel wires. Spectators held their breath and occasionally called out “slow down, slow down” to Hu Hu. He paused occasionally before completing the 10 metre walk to the other end.

Whoa, a tight rope walking dog? Now that is a pretty good trick. Sure it doesn’t compare with my trapeze act, without a net I might add, but it certainly comes close.

The dog’s owner, Mr. He, says Hu Hu was a gift from a friend. He trained Hu Hu for more than a year to walk across wires, reports Chongqing Business News.

I guess that makes the dog’s real name, Hu Hu He. I’m sure the neigborhood pack has some fun with that.

Scooby Takes Stand In Murder Trial

Scooby Doo. I remember him as a happy go lucky Great Dane who hung out with his loser owner Shaggy. I don’t doubt the two shared in some illicit drug use leading them to see ghosts and apparitions.

But those were the days of Scooby’s youth. It turns out that at some point he was given to a French lady where they shared an apartment in the city of love, Paris. Sadly, their relationship ended tragically.

Scooby [a dog] will give evidence [at trial] as he is believed to have been with his 59-year-old owner when she was found hanging from the ceiling of her Paris flat.

Police believe the death was suicide, but her family cry murder – and the only witness to see the alleged crime is on four legs.

Why is it that Scooby always finds himself in the middle of some crime? Has the thought not crossed anyone’s mind that he may in fact be the perpetrator of the crime?

It is hoped Scooby can collar the potential perpetrator, having already played a leading role during a preliminary court hearing in Nanteree, a Paris suburb.

He is said to have hounded a suspect, “barking furiously” after being taken out of the kennel and into the witness box by a vet.

Of course he’s going to try and push the blame onto someone else. And I bet, like OJ, he’s going to spend the rest of his life hunting them down…on a golf course.

[Lawyers] said: “Human evidence is unreliable enough, let alone canine evidence.

“Besides, the victim died two and half years ago, which is seventeen dog years! How is the animal supposed to remember that far back?”

Especially for a dog with a history of suspected drug use. Weed kills…just ask Shaggy.

Dogs, Men Use Same Tricks to Get the Ladies

The following study surprises me.

It states that men, human men, follow the same rules of engagement as male dogs when it comes to wooing the opposite sex. Really? I have to say, my father is clueless, and he managed to get a girl. Granted, it’s my mother, but still she’s a chick.

I bet he never even sniffed her crotch before asking her out for a Happy Meal at Mickey Dee’s. What a blockhead.

Me? I get whatever I want out of women, be they pretty or dogs. But that’s because I know what I’m doing.

Here’s the story about the study from The Times of India.

Just like men, dogs too know how to win ladies’ hearts – and that too from a young age.

According to a new study, while playing, young dogs let the female pups win, even if the males have a physical advantage.

They might lose the game in the short run, but they could win at love in the future.

The experts found that male dogs place themselves in potentially disadvantageous positions, which could make them more vulnerable to attack, and researchers suspect the opportunity to play may be more important to them than winning.

Infact, the gentlemanly dog behavior is even accompanied with a bow. “We found that self-handicapping tends to occur in conjunction with play bows,” the Discovery News quoted lead researcher Camille Ward, as saying.

“A play bow is a signal that dogs use when they want to communicate playful intentions to a potential play partner,” added Ward, a lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Michigan and director of About Dogs LLC. She is also author of the forthcoming book, Relationship-Based Dog Training.

“We know that in feral dog populations, female mate choice plays a role in male mating success. Perhaps males use self-handicapping with females in order to learn more about them and to form close relationships with them — relationships that might later help males to secure future mating opportunities,” the expert said.

Hey, the only handicap I have when it comes to mating is that I have no nuts, figuratively and literally speaking.

To reach the conclusion, the experts studied puppy litters from four dog breeds: a shepherd mix, Labrador retriever, Doberman pincher and malamute. Play data was collected when the pups were between three and 40 weeks old.

The scientists examined how the puppies played with members of their own sex as well as with the opposite sex.

Females were more likely than males to initiate play with their own sex, but that may be to stave off more vicious behavior later.

Now that’s what I’m talking about.

The study has been published in Animal Behavior. While males were less likely to initiate play with other males, they seemed eager to play with females, and would go to all sorts of lengths to keep the play going.

If males want to play with other males, that’s their business….not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Pig Imprisons Woman in Home

I love reading Stephen King. I especially loved Pet Semetary. Church…he still wanders in my nightmares when I sleep. So when I saw this story, I immediately thought of Mr. King and his demented mind.

This real life story mimics his novel, Misery, but with a twist. No, this time it’s not Annie that is holding someone hostage, but rather, Misery Bruce, the pig, that is keeping its owner captive.

Let this story be a cautionary tale to those of you who like to bring home the bacon.

A RUNAWAY pig with an huge appetite for destruction and bananas has been terrorising a small community near Uki in northern New South Wales.

The one-year-old porker has virtually reduced 63-year-old Caroline Hayes to a prisoner in her own home, bailing her up inside the farm house until she has fed him, and fed him, and fed him.

When The Courier-Mail visited, Ms Hayes relied on dozens of bananas to placate the hungry porker.

She keeps feeding him bananas? If she really wants him to leave, all she needs to do is pull out the pork loin. Trust me, he won’t be around for long.

“[H]e gets really aggressive when you don’t feed him and I have been terrified at times, because it hasn’t been safe to leave the house.

“I went to the farmers markets last week and brought him back 300 avocados and 10kg of peaches and it was all gone in half an hour,” Ms Hayes said.

What’s with the avocados? Oh, Bruce likes guacamole.

Neighbour Virginia Cowlard said the pig had to go.

“He causes so much damage,” she said. “Whoever released him has been really irresponsible.

“He needs to have a home or he needs to go to piggy heaven.”

I love it when they go to piggy heaven. It means more food for me.