Indeed, in amongst the motley crew which inhabit, or have inhabited, Italy’s upper and lower houses of parliament you’ll find: former models, porn stars, cruise ship crooners, social networkers from Sicily, convicted criminals, family friends, etc. etc.

Imagine you want to obtain that most coveted of all full-time jobs in Italy: a politician – a job which comes with an unjustifiably high salary, a wonderfully generous expense package, an enormous number of perks, and to add the icing to the cake, a valuable pension.  If the sound of such a job appeals, then you might well be asking yourself which qualities you need to land such a job and, in so doing, end up with a comfy seat in Italy’s cushy parliament.

Just in case you were thinking of applying, what follows is a list of ten qualities you should have.  Qualities which seem to have proven very useful to quite a number of Italy’s current bunch of politicians.

On to the Top Ten List.

10 Skills You Need to become a Successful Politician in Italy

1.  A winning smile and film star/model good looks.

2. Friendship with Sicilian social networking organisation (Extra points if the Sicilian or other networking connections you owe favours to can create votes).

3. Some experience of acting (Participants in Big Brother or X-Factor or both, and Oscar winners, will have a distinct advantage here).

4. The ability to sleep soundly at night (Obtain advice on this from current Italian politicians like Angelino – ‘little angel’ – Alfano and old Niccolo Ghedini).

5. Sound creative accounting skills ( You  could contact British politicians not named by the Telegraph for advice, and courses, on how to successfully fiddle expenses accounts) .

6. A lose and flexible political ideology (Swinging from left to right, and back again, helps enormously in Italian politics – Italian left-winger, and communist, Massimo D’Alema knows something about this – he even managed to get the support of commie hating Silvio Berlusconi recently (Did not do him much good though)).

7. An ego the size of the Milky Way (Possibly related to 4 above and 10 below).

8. A flexible, incoherent concept of honesty, and integrity for that matter (Definitely related to all of the above and what follows too).

9. Willingness to receive gifts and make donations (Sicilian social networking operatives will appreciate this skill).

10. Skin with the consistency of Teflon or another non-stick substance (A year round tan may indicate the use of Teflon-based or equivalent skin care products).

Come to think of it, these skills might help just about anyone become a politician in any country.  Or am I just being cynical?

Feel free to add more ’skills’.

Don’t worry about not being Italian – as long as you can string a few words together in the lingo, your nationality can be changed by certain networkers.

Oh, and for any Italian politicians who may end up reading this, which is a highly remote possibility, I know – this is what is called ’satire’.

Let’s call this flippant Friday.

Perhaps the best Clash song title is ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?’, which is the question Silvio Berlusconi might be asking himself at the moment.  Certainly some of Berlusconi’s supporters are thinking ‘Should he Stay or Should I Go Now?’.

There are plenty of other Clash songs which seem to sum up Silvio Berlusconi’s pickles too.

Police on My Back

Two other Clash songs which seem to capture Berlusconi’s pickles are ‘Police on My Back’.  Admittedly a re-mixed version entitled ‘Magistrates on My Back’ would sum up Berlusconi’s battles a little better, seeing as he detests Italy’s undoubtedly raving communist magistrates much more than Italy’s police forces.

I Fought the law

On the subject of the recent blow landed by Italy’s constitutional court, there is the Clash song, ‘I Fought the Law and the Law Won’.  This perhaps could be updated to an Italian version with the title ‘I Fought the Constitution and the Constitution Won’.

Last but by no means least, how about the song ‘Career Opportunities’, also by the Clash, as this is something Berlusconi might be considering at the moment.

Finally, how about a song for one of Berlusconi’s allies? Immigrant hating Northern League boss, Umberto Bossi, would no doubt love the song ‘Rock the Casbah‘, although he’d prefer the title ‘Blow Up the Casbah’, most probably.

Actually there are even more Clash songs with titles that sum up the Berlusconi pickle rather well, can you name any of them?

While you are thinking, here is ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’ by the Clash for you to listen to (Note to my Pa – you will not like this!):

Click here to view the embedded video.

Now, if you have not got a Clash album lurking somewhere, head for a cheap music download service and pop a few Clash tracks on your Apple iPhone, iPod, or whatever music player you happen to use.   Then again, you can simply head for YouTube for a listen.

If, on the other hand, you are too young to remember the Clash, check them out.  I don’t think they sound too dated either – and energy never fades away.

Gomorrah Author Roberto Saviano

After one such attempt to keep Silvo Berlusconi out of trouble, the Lodo Alfano, met with the disapproval of the highest court in Italy, Silvio shouted, screamed and kicked up a huge fuss.  Then he turned round and told his, presumably very highly paid, pet legal eagle, Nicolo Ghedini, to sort the situation out.

Ghedini after burning presumably copious amounts of  midnight oil in the company of Italy’s justice minister, Angelino Alfano (Yes, he of the Lodo Alfano),  came up with a whizzo way to keep his beloved boss out of legal hot water, and, presumably, prison.

What these two erstwhile politicians/lawyers/Berlusconi disciples/clever chaps came up with is a way to ensure that certain court cases in Italy fizzle out automatically if they cannot be resolved in 6 years.  Yes, those with some knowledge of the law will recognise this as being a form of ‘time barring’.

Italy’s legal system is so darn sluggish that Berlusconi’s lawyer Ghedini and Italy’s justice minister Alfano’s cunning plan is bound to have the desired effect, and keep Silvio from ending up behind bars.

It is a scheme that is outwardly so simple – when you have friends in very high places – and so foolproof.  But some Italians are not being fooled by the latest Save Silvio law.

They, including some well known Italian names, think the law is plainly unjust.  And opposition to Berlusconi’s reign continues to mount.

Saviano Collects Signatures

Roberto Saviano, author and Italy’s number one anti-mafia crusader (who seems to be in the news quite a bit at the moment) thinks the latest attempt to save Silvio’s skin is a disgrace.  Saviano believes the new law will serve to protect not only Silvio Berlusconi, but a whole host of others who do not deserve having their skins saved.

Additionally others who are legitimately seeking compensation via Italy’s courts for various reasons will find that the new law will reduce their chances of winning compensation to less than zero in a number of high profile cases (Thyssen, Clinca Santa Rita, Scalata BNL).

Saviano is not alone in his belief that this new custom made law is unfair. The signatures of some 210,000 Italians which do not want the new law to be passed have been collected.  On the list which Saviano instigated are the signatures of well know Italians such as Andrea Camilleri, the writer of the famous Commissiario Montalbano books, as well as the governor of the Italian Piedmont Region Mercedes Bresso.

Berlusconi and Controversy, Again

Yes, Berlusconi’s latest attempt to cast a silver bullet to protect himself from those werewolf-like Italian magistrates is proving controversial.   But then Silvio Berlusconi and controversy have never exactly been strangers.

Still, I do not understand just why Silvio Berlusconi is so darn terrified of Italy’s magistrates.  Surely he, of all people, need not feel so fearful.

UPDATE: 18th November 2009:

Berlusconi to Resign?

Maybe, just maybe, Berlusconi has finally overstepped the mark.  Everyone, and not just members of opposition parties in Italy, is saying either that Berlusconi should resign or that early elections should be called.

There are some indications that Berlusconi himself might be considering resigning.  Then there is the No Berlusconi Day which has been fixed for December 5.

Things are not looking great for Italy’s superman.

Source:

La Repubblica, 17 November 2009 – Appello di Saviano, oltre 210.000 firme il sì di Camilleri e Montaldo – Saviano’s Appeal, Over 210,000 Signatures, plus Camilleri and Montaldo

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• Silvio Berlusconi uses food summit as excuse to miss trial (telegraph.co.uk)

A Church in Italy

When mention is made of Italy, mixed in with thoughts of pasta and wine will be the Vatican and, the mafia.

With regard to which springs to mind first, Vatican or mafia, I have no idea, but it does not matter really, as both are intrinsically Italian.

Yet the Vatican champions the morally right, while the mafia certainly does not.

In theory the Vatican should be constantly and highly critical of the mafia, or, for that matter, any other organisation which encourages human beings to harm one another.  In practice, however, this does not seem to be the case.  The Vatican does make disgruntled noises on the mafia front in Italy from time to time, but the criticism is by no means constant.

This reluctance of the Vatican to speak out openly against the mafia  is something which has always struck me as being faintly odd about Italy.

Recently though, something has changed and the Vatican appears to be firming up its anti-mafia stance.

The Vatican Condemns the Mafia

Il Fatto Quotidiano, Italy’s newest daily newspaper, and the only one which covers issues which most other Italian dailies avoid, carried an interesting article on the Roman Catholic church in its Friday 13th November edition.

The article reports on calls from within the  Roman Catholic church for it to take a hard line stance on the issue of organised crime in Italy’s mafia-wracked south.

But why?
What could be behind the Vatican making anti-mafia noises? Noises which seem to be rather rare in Italy, or at least that is my impression.

Roberto Saviano

Saviano, who, you might remember, wrote a book which put one of Italy’s many mafia organisations, Naples’ camorra, in a bad light.  The book also showed Italy in a dark light, and left Italy with a tarnished image.

In his book, Gomorrah, which caused quite a stir in Italy – and seems to have stirred Italy into action to a great extent – there is a story of an anti-mafia Roman Catholic priest.  This brave priest stood up against the mafia in his parish and spoke out openly against their activities.

For his pains, this priest, Don Pepino Diana was executed by the camorra mafia.  While the execution did not do the camorra’s public image any favours, what struck me about the Don Peppino Diana affair was that he appeared to be a lone crusader.

For reasons unknown, the Vatican seemed to have left its representative to his own fate.  Support from Rome appeared to be virtually zero. Certainly Saviano does not mention loud condemnation of the murder of one of its priests coming from the Vatican in his book.  Nor did the Vatican try to stand up for its man when attempts were made to blacken his name in local newspapers.

It is possible that the handling of Don Peppino Diana affair did not show the Vatican in a great light – especially in the eyes of those the Vatican purports to love the most – the young people of this world.  It is probable that the young in Italy’s most mafia dominated areas felt as though they had nobody to turn to, not even the church.

Possibly as a result of the attention Saviano’s book garnered, someone in the Vatican realised that this situation reflected badly upon the Roman Catholic Church.

To attempt to redeem itself, and thus attempt to restore the faith of Italians in the church, taking a clear position on the mafia issue was probably considered as being one way for the church to win back hearts and minds in Italy, particularly those of the country’s youth.

And hearts and minds did need winning back in view of the sticky issue of the Roman Catholic church and paedophilia.

Paedophilia Accusations

At least some of Italy’s younger generation, and their parents for that matter, will have heard of the cases, largely in the United States of America, in which Roman Catholic priests had been accused of child molestation.

In the United States alone, the Vatican has paid out more than one billion dollars in compensation to victims.

Again, for an organisation which courts the attention of the world’s youth, this did (does) not look good.

Initially the Vatican tried to keep these sordid affairs as hush-hush as possible, but people speak, and there are a lot of Italian-Americans who probably keep in contact with relatives and friends back in the old country.   Word of unholy acts by holy-men will have got back to Italy.

Questions would have been asked by Italians, and some will have become disillusioned with the ways of Catholicism.  Conversations may well have moved on from priests and young people to the Vatican’s virtual silence on Italy’s mafia.  Silence, whether honest or not, tends to be looked upon negatively.

Net result?  Widespread disillusionment with the Roman Catholic church and the Vatican in Italy.  The image of the Roman Catholic church had been damaged.

Young Italians

Young people were the victims of the wayward priests and their sexual desires, and young people are also the mafia’s favourite recruits, as Saviano’s book observes.

The Roman Catholic church though, loves to demonstrate its all embracing love for young people.  The Vatican is as keen to recruit young people as the mafia is, or so it would seem.

However while the Roman Catholic church tried to encourage young people to swell its ranks, it did not appear to openly discourage the same young people from becoming part of the mafia.  It was almost as if mafia membership and church going went hand in hand.

To the uninformed the relationship gave the impression that good was holding hands with evil.

The mafia though, does not believe it is evil.  Quite the opposite in fact.  Mafia initiation ceremonies often include some religious artefact or other.

The mafia likes to be associated with the Roman Catholic church, and, on the face of it, the Roman Catholic church never seems to have done very much to question the validity of this relationship.  Could it be that the mafia is one 0f the Roman Catholic church’s greatest benefactors?

I know it’s stereotypical, but Catholic themes do often feature in films about Italy’s mafias.

All in all, by keeping silent on certain ‘relationships’, the Roman Catholic church was not doing itself any favours.

The War Against the Mafia

Another thing which may have encouraged the Vatican to speak up on the mafia issue in Italy is that the war being waged against the mafia seems to be having an effect.

Hardly a day goes by without Italy’s newspapers reporting on the arrest of some mafia bigwig or other.  For example, the supposed number two of Sicily’s cosa nostra, Domenico Raccuglia, was caught by Italian police very recently.

Mafia assets are being seized right, left and centre too. It does look as though progress is being made.

I’ll round this post off with a question, which might explain why the Vatican has been able to find the courage to speak up against the mafia in Italy:

Does the Vatican think that the mafia presents less of a threat than it did in the past?

Which leads to the obvious next question which is:

Is Italy winning the war against the mafia?

Well, the mafia is one of Italy’s greatest mysteries.  Almost makes you consider joining a mystery club, or even a mystery book club.  There are a few mafia books out there too.

Some further reading:

Wikipedia: Catholic sex abuse cases

Santa Likes Guitars

To obtain a guitar one, generally, heads to a guitar shop, and there is one I know down in the centre of Milan.  It’s always looked well stocked to me, and  its window is crammed full of glorious Gibsons and fabulous Fenders, just as any self respecting guitar shop should be.  Quite a mouthwatering selection.

What a great excuse Christmas shopping can be.  Dad gets to drool over lots of the lovely guitars while supposedly looking for one for his seven year old son.  The trouble is that the little one’s father has been a guitar lover for a good many years too.

I discovered an English speaking Italian guitar teacher today, which might be useful information for an expat looking to keep up his or her guitar skills.

Now, can you guess how many guitars Santa came out of the guitar shop with?

Excuses, Excuses

Yes, I came out with two.  One for the little one, and one for the big one, aka me.  ‘Well, someone’s got to accompany the little chap, now hasn’t he?’, went the excuse.

Dad is quite keen for his son to learn guitar, but was not sure ‘classical’ guitar would be cool enough for him.  I headed for acoustics, only to be told by one Andrea Ricca, resident guitar teacher at Milan’s Prina music store, that steel stringed acoustics are not fantastic for young hands.  He’s right of course.  I’d forgotten just how sore your fingers can become while trying to put together a few cords on a steel stringed guitar.

Guess Who Has Now Got Sore Fingers?

Seeing as someone was tinkering with his new guitar all evening, someone now has sore fingers.  For me this is par for the course. I can live with sore fingers, and have done before (I did have two guitars many moons past), but I don’t think seven year old would appreciate having sore fingers.   He’d just abandon the guitar and move onto something else, as kids often do.

In the hope that he might develop a serious interest in playing guitar, I got him a three-quarter sized classical version.  It was that or a rather cool looking mini-electric.  The Stratocaster look-alike was mighty tempting, but then I had visions of someone cranking up an amplifier and having us evicted from our apartment block.

For the moment, the classical guitar will do, and it does not sound too bad either.

The Prina Music Store in Milan

Prina Suoni and Muscia, which is the shop I visited, has a large selection of guitars, up to and including my dream guitar – the bowled backed electro-acoustic Ovation.  They are lovely, but out of my price range, and then there is the small matter of my not actually being able to play guitar.

Eko Korral 6 acoustic guitar

When I announced my intention to equip myself with a guitar – in the best interests of my son – Andrea Ricca, who seems to work at Milan’s Prina music store, pointed me towards an Italian Eko acoustic model, a Korral 6 Natural.

I’m very pleased with it, aside from having sore fingers, it looks lovely, but then to me, just about all guitars always have.

Maybe it’s the intrinsically feminine shape of their bodies.  I don’t know, but I could happily fill a house with guitars, they are such wonderful things to look at.

By the way, Ricca of the Prina music store also teaches guitar, and speaks English too.  He has a 62 year old Canadian pupil, by all accounts.  And Milan, Italy based Andrea Ricca, who has the ‘maestro’ title in Italian, plays very well too.

While he can teach classical guitar, he seems to prefer to bring his students up on a diet of  rock and blues guitar.  Although he’s quite handy at quite a number of styles, as this video shows:

Andrea Ricca-bebop

Click here to view the embedded video.

You will find plenty more examples of Andrea Ricca’s guitar skills on YouTube too.

Here is the Prina Suoni & Musica shop website: Prina – but you really should go there if you like guitars.  It’s very close to central Milan too – Corso di Porta Ticinese, 3, is the address.

Guess who’s got his Christmas present a little early this year?  Yes, it’s Santa.