bitching beauty blog

Ivanka: “Daddy Bought Me a New Nose for my Birthday”

bitching beauty — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 18:53:33 +0000

Who says money can’t buy you everything?? Well, it can definitely buy you beauty. You just have to be smart about it. Case in point: Ivanka Trump. She’s daddy’s (the Donald’s) little girl and has all the money in the world. If plastic surgery is what she wants, plastic surgery she will get. Even though she has the means to have as many procedures as she wishes, she (thankfully) has not gone all-out like Heidi Montag in a white-trash “create-a-ho-bag” plastic surgery binge. One plastic surgery procedure she has obviously had done is the (obligatory) nose job. It seems everyone has had a nose job these days. Here’s a before shot of little Ivanka, looking cute and young with a bump on her high bridge:

And here is Ivanka Trump all grown up with a conspicuously lower and bumpless bridge:

Don’t even get me started on the other stuff (boobjob, porcelain veneers, etc)…but at least it’s all done with a little taste and class.

Natalie Portman Channeling Kelly Kapowski

bitching beauty — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 04:47:08 +0000

Okay, okay…I know what you’re thinking…Natalie Portman would never dabble in cosmetic enhancement because she’s perfect, right? WRONG. I guess she must be as insecure as all the rest of them women who take needles to their lips, cheeks and foreheads to look younger. Or maybe as the new face of Dior cosmetics, she feels more pressure to be, well, “more beautiful.” Natalie appeared at the AFI Lifetime Achievement Tribute to Mike Nichols last week looking very plump in the face. I checked her ass, and her ass doesn’t look any bigger, which leads me to believe Natalie is getting injectable fillers in her face–you know, Restylane, Juvederm, Radiesse, etc. Seriously, she can’t really expect us to believe she only gains weight in her face. I don’t know anyone who can put on fat only in their face without any going to their ass. In any case, want some proof? Check out these candids of her in October 2009:

A closer look…Yup, I can see hollows under her eyes and nose-to-mouth lines (nasolabial folds)…

Okay, you might be saying, it’s unfair to compare candids where she has minimal make-up on to public appearances where she gets all dolled up. To appease y’all, check out this photo of her taken at a public appearance in October 2009 (incidentally, the same month and year the candids above were taken):

I don’t know about you, but I can still see the hollows under her eyes, the nasolabial folds as well as some hollowing under her cheeks. She looks fine to me, so I don’t know why she felt the need to bloat her face for the AFI event this past month:

She almost looks like a completely different person with all the injections (kind of reminds me of Kelly Kapowski from “Saved by the Bell” aka Tiffani Amber Thiessen). While she doesn’t look awful in the “after” shots, I like Natalie’s look before she pumped her face full of lord knows what. I feel like now she’s teetering on the brink of “L.A. plastic Barbie doll” territory. Next thing you know, Natalie will start hanging out with Heidi Montag. Seriously, I never thought I’d see the day where I’d mistake a photo of Natalie for a photo of Kelly Kapowski.

Molly Sims Is Liking The Plastic Surgery

bitching beauty — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 05:50:07 +0000

Before:

After:Last I checked, Molly Sims is under the age of 40, so why the fuck does she look like she’s 55 now?? Molly Sims has always had a natural, classic beauty. And, if you asked me, she was aging quite nicely. Apparently, not nicely enough for her…I guess she felt the need to go under the knife. Maybe she thought a little nip and tuck would do her some good…I’m not exactly sure what type of plastic surgery procedure she had, but it don’t look so good. She looks like Farah Fawcett now (when she had cancer–not when she was one of Charlie’s Angels). Sims got plastic surgery to look better and now she looks like an old hag instead. Good job, Molly!

Drew Barrymore’s Massive Chin

bitching beauty — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:39:04 +0000

Can anyone please tell me when Drew Barrymore’s chin decided to have a growth spurt? I remember her being so damn cute and lovely, and now all I can see when I look at her face is a big, long chin. I heard that her chin always has to be airbrushed now when she goes on photo shoots. Poor girl, if that chin gets any bigger, I’m afraid it’ll touch the ground.

Kara Dioguardi Is Related to Dumbo

bitching beauty — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 21:24:05 +0000

Seriously, look at how long her ears are! My grandpa’s ears aren’t even that long…It’s almost disgusting how long her ears are–what, like 6, 7 inches? Look at that first picture and tell me the first you don’t notice is how freakishly long and massive her ear is? I noticed she almost always wears her hair down…I had to dig for these photos…gee, I wonder why.

I don’t even think there is a surgery to fix that, so I guess she’ll just have to keep wearing her hair down.

Does Faith Hill Chain Smoke or Something?

bitching beauty — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 19:15:19 +0000

I’m wondering if Faith Hill is a chainsmoker, because there is really no reason someone her age would have such deep wrinkles in their forehead and around their eyes. And, this picture is after she has had makeup caked on her face. I wonder what she looks like when she wakes up…probably like my chain-smoking uncle. I am a big fan of hers, but those deep wrinkles have got to go. She needs to get her face ironed–STAT. Restylane, Juvederm, Radiesse–take your pick, Faith–you certainly have the money. Just get it done, because I can’t bear to see anymore photos of you like this. Or like this.

“I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll”

bitching beauty — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 03:47:15 +0000

Kristen Stewart is one weird bitch. I’ve seen her on several interviews and had a feeling she was an oddball. Something is just not right with this chick–and after I saw these pictures, it was confirmed. I’m not sure what inspired her to get her hair cut like Joan Jett, but all I can say is: “I love rock ‘n’ roll, so put another dime in the jukebox, baby! I love rock ‘n’ roll, so come an’ take your time an’ dance with me! OW!”

Rumer Willis Shows Off Her Spider Veins–er, I Mean Her Legs

bitching beauty — Tue, 05 May 2009 04:32:51 +0000

How on earth this girl has the confidence to even let photographers take pictures of her is beyond my understanding. If I looked like her, I would crawl under a rock and stay there. And then she has the courage to wear outfits like this one…the outfit isn’t awful. Put Jennifer Aniston in this outfit and she’d be smokin’ hot. Rumer Willis in this outfit, however, is the complete polar opposite of smokin’ hot. And, it’s not just her face this time. It’s her damn legs. They’re covered in spider veins. Look at her upper thighs. I can see the veins even in this low-resolution photo. Nasty. And, why exactly does she have spider veins? I thought only old women who give birth 5 times get spider veins. This girl desperately needs work done…and a lot of it.

Katie Holmes Has Grossly Long Hands

bitching beauty — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 05:56:48 +0000

What is up with Katie Holmes and her extremities?? Not too long ago, we got a good peek at her big, veiny feet. Now, it’s her grossly long hands. Look at her middle finger–it’s as long as a hot dog. It’s probably longer than Tom’s wee wee. If she wasn’t an actress, she could probably make a decent living doing prostate exams.

Celebs Look Like Retards Too!

bitching beauty — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 00:14:01 +0000

This is the inaugural post of a series I’d like to do called, “Celebs Look Like Retards Too!” My point with this series is to prove that, like normal people, celebs get caught in unflattering photographs too. We’ve all had photos taken were we look like retards or jungle animals, but so have the celebs. It’s just that celebs don’t get those unflattering photos published… Hell, if I had a bitch load of money, I would make it so that people only saw photos in which I looked my best. Anycrap, take a look at these photos and feel a little better about yourself…because there’s nothing that makes a person feel better about themselves than seeing talentless celebrities look like douchebag tardos in photos.