bitching beauty blog

New Chompers for Rumer Willis

bitching beauty — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 03:11:31 +0000

I came across a recent photo of Rumer Willis recently and noticed how white and, well, fake her teeth looked. I thought she’s way too young for dentures, so I figured she got porcelain veneers. Just to make sure I wasn’t mistaken (I mean, she could have been born with super white, fake looking teeth), I found a photo of her from several years ago. Check it out…

BEFORE:

AFTER:

In case you need some more convincing, here are some close-ups of her teeth (from the same photographs above)…

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Don’t tell me that she just got her teeth bleached, because the very shape of her teeth looks different. Look at her lateral incisors…they look much wider in the after photo. Her new teeth look a lot like Lindsay Lohan’s veneers. They must have the same dentist or something. In any case, I think her new smile looks very nice (…very Hollywood). I don’t think she needed it, but I think her veneers look much better in photographs than her old teeth. There–I said something nice.

Wannabe

bitching beauty — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 18:00:50 +0000

Seriously, will the real Kim Kardashian please stand up? I was watching “Shah of Sunsets” on Bravo the other day, and I couldn’t stop thinking how much Lilly Ghalichi acts, talks, walks and primps herself to look like Kim Kardashian. Can you say Wannabe? It’s very unoriginal. Seriously, please stop, Lilly. Be yourself. There’s room for only one Kim Kardashian in this world…and even that’s pushing it. No matter how much people rag on Kim K, deep down we love her…She is the original and a copy can never be better than the original. Sorry, Lilly. And, please stop with your fake nasal voice…it’s like so like annoooooooooying. Like. Stop. Like.

In case you couldn’t tell, that’s Lilly Ghalichi on top and Kim Kardashian in the bottom two photos.

That Expression Looks Familiar on Kim Kardashian’s Face

bitching beauty — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 06:02:24 +0000

I saw this picture of Kim Kardashian and felt it was my obligation to share it with my readers. The only problem is I couldn’t decide on a title for the post. There were so many options…I could play on the fact that she looks about the level of her IQ here or I could play on the fact that she has the same expression on her face as she did in her sex video (without a dong in front of her mouth, though).

Even though she tries her best to look like a plastic Barbie doll and loves tweeting (flattering) photos of herself, it’s nice to know that even the most vain celebs look like retards in some photographs.

Nothing Compares 2 U, Natalie Portman

bitching beauty — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 05:54:29 +0000

I came across a photo of Irish singer Sinead O’Connor from 1990 and I literally had to do a double-take. She looks exactly like Natalie Portman. Well, Natalie Portman when she shaved her head for the movie “V for Vendetta.” That said, if we put a wig on Sinead back in the 90′s, she would be Natalie Portman’s doppelganger. Here are a couple of bald photos…judge for yourself. In case you can’t tell, that’s Natalie on the top and Sinead on the bottom.

For All You “Bachelor” Fans Out There…

bitching beauty — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 06:34:50 +0000

I was torn about putting up these photos, because if I did, that would somehow implicitly suggest that Vienna Girardi (of “Bachelor” fame) is something of a celebrity worthy of attention. Let me make this clear: Vienna is neither a celebrity nor is she worthy of attention. The reason for this post is because YOU PEOPLE keep googling her! Why do you people really care about this horse???? Please someone enlighten me! In any case, I’m sure you Vienna fans have heard that she has recently had her big ass schnoz sized down. Post-rhinoplasty photos of her should be popping up on the Internet any day now, but for now, how about some photos of her with no makeup on? That should serve to remind us just how unremarkable she really is (I’m being nice here).

Eeeewwww…

Maybe she should invest in a few other procedures in addition to the nose job.

Kate Middleton: Not So Regal without Revlon

bitching beauty — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:14:15 +0000

Okay, so maybe Kate Middleton doesn’t wear Revlon and opts for Chanel or Dior, but you get my point. When this “lovely” queen-to-be has no make-up on, she looks a lot like a worn-out 40-something soccer mom. When royals or celebrities are caught off-guard (a.k.a. without hours of primping for a special event), we are able to realize that they too look like they just baked two hundred cupcakes for the school fundraiser. My feeling is that soon she’ll be doing the injectable fillers and Botox thing (now that money is no object). If so, some Restylane in her upper lip wouldn’t be a bad idea. Girl needs some lips.

I’ll Have What She’s Having!

bitching beauty — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 23:45:36 +0000

Watching “Royal Pains” on USA has been a guilty pleasure of mine since it first aired. I can’t sit here in all honesty and tell you that it’s a good show, but I do enjoy watching it, so lay off. Anyhoo, Jill Flint is an actress who plays a hospital administrator at Hampton’s Heritage Hospital. Her character’s name is, very aptly, “Jill.” I have always thought she was pretty…perfect bone structure…great skin…it’s tough to be ugly with those two. So, last week while watching an episode, I got to wondering how old she is. 32? 35 at most. At most, I thought. Here, take a gander and formulate a guess yourself…

Did you guess her age? Okay, well…the correct answer is 43. She is 43 years old. No I’m not shitting you. She’s forty-three years old.* That might be a photograph from 5 years ago, you say? No way, Jose. The photograph was taken in May at the 2011 USA Network’s Upfront event. I don’t know about you, but I want to know what she’s doing (and not doing) to stay so young. Seriously, it looks like she hasn’t aged a day since her 35th birthday. My only problem with this blog post is that I do not have a suitable category to place it under…Maybe I will have to make one, such as: “Celebs Who Don’t Age.” But, for now, this will go under the “Good Plastic Surgery” category, because if she’s not sacrificing lambs to look this good, she must be going to a doctor, right?

* A reader has posted a link to Jill Flint’s actual age…apparently, she’s NOT 43 and NOT amazingly young looking.

Minka Kelly’s (Disappearing) Wrinkles

bitching beauty — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 23:23:48 +0000

Being Derek Jeter’s girlfriend apparently comes with perks…including the money to go to a plastic surgeon’s office and get ridiculously deep and ugly wrinkles removed from your forehead. Yes, I do think that Derek Jeter and his deep pockets have something to do with it, because before Minka Kelly started putting out for him, she had deep, unsightly wrinkles on her forehead. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the following photos. The first one is of her at the 2008 AFI Awards, around the time they first started dating (and what is that patch of hair growing on the lower right side of her face?? Apparently, she had that permanently removed too! Not sure what she did about the cellulite on her chin, though).

Now, here she is at the recent premiere of the movie “Country Strong” (in 2010):

Let’s take a closer look at that forehead:

Folks, forehead wrinkles like that do not disappear with lotion…they disappear by getting Derek Jeter to foot your plastic surgery bill. Good for you, Minka!

A Good Night at the Golden Globes for Natalie…A Bad Picture

bitching beauty — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 08:31:30 +0000

Congrats to Miss Natalie Portman on her Best Actress win at the Golden Globes for “Black Swan”! If only she could grow out of her little boy body…but I digress…congratulations on your win! Mazel Tov!

Ivanka: “Daddy Bought Me a New Nose for my Birthday”

bitching beauty — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 18:53:33 +0000

Who says money can’t buy you everything?? Well, it can definitely buy you beauty. You just have to be smart about it. Case in point: Ivanka Trump. She’s daddy’s (the Donald’s) little girl and has all the money in the world. If plastic surgery is what she wants, plastic surgery she will get. Even though she has the means to have as many procedures as she wishes, she (thankfully) has not gone all-out like Heidi Montag in a white-trash “create-a-ho-bag” plastic surgery binge. One plastic surgery procedure she has obviously had done is the (obligatory) nose job. It seems everyone has had a nose job these days. Here’s a before shot of little Ivanka, looking cute and young with a bump on her high bridge:

And here is Ivanka Trump all grown up with a conspicuously lower and bumpless bridge:

Don’t even get me started on the other stuff (boobjob, porcelain veneers, etc)…but at least it’s all done with a little taste and class.