Big Blue Barn West

I think I lost January Somewhere -

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:33:00 +0000

Has anyone seen it??

Last night The Man bought me a new Android phone. Now I don't do technology all that well. What I have instead are 2 appointment calendars, some headphones on a cord, and a MP3 player that I only know how to turn on, select my audio book of choice, and then turn it off again. I NEVER touch the remote on the tv! And when a technician comes around and tries to explain something to me I always say 'Talk to The Man'. That or 'Back away from my noggin if you know what's good for you! It may go off at any moment!!'

I only mention the phone because he was inputting my appointments for me. When I happened to see yesterdays date I was astounded! Where did it go? What happened to January? Glancing through my calendars I see that my January went with all the doctor appointments I had. If you are like me and can only tell the day of the week (not necessarily the month) by your next appointment - then there is something sadly wrong.

I'm beginning to wonder how many hours my backside has warmed those uncomfortable seats you get to sit on in a waiting room of any kind. Where do they find those chairs to begin with? Now I have to buy different pants to fit the shape my buttocks have taken on.

Let's get back to that phone again. I'm telling you right now that I'm probably never going to learn how to use most of it. And if anyone catches me texting - just shoot me! Ack - digression!
What I keep meaning to say is that nearly all of January has been filled with doctor appointments. Don't you wish you had my life?

Uh - No - you don't. Believe me.

At present we are once again waiting for an appointment with a specialist. As we all know, here in Canada it can take an awful long time to get in to see one. Where they used to say up to a nine month wait, now they are saying a year's wait. Most of us have learned to be patient or forget about it altogether. That way when the call finally comes that you DO have an appointment - then it's time to bring out the cake (and the ice cream of course)!

But this time around is supposedly very different! This time they believe they know what has been causing all the pain and everything else. Three years of plodding along, smiling and 'Keeping my chin up' have been hard, but I've done it. I believe I've paid my dues many a time and now I just want to get the results from the latest round of tests and deal with it all.

I'm looking for anyone who has any of the following:

Porphyria

Lupus

Fibermyalgia

Celiac Disease

If anyone has either one of these diseases I'd appreciate contact and an exchange of knowledge, or support, or just a pat on the head in passing.

As it stands at present, tests have shown that I have all four of these diseases. That in itself is a little unusual and some of the diseases have the same symptoms, so we await the last round of tests for more positive results.

It is not the end of the world certainly but my doctor has once more asked me if I have my Living Will completed. A gal couldn't be having more fun I tell you! And if they can get rid of the pain that has taken over my body for over 3 years, I'll be a happy camper.

So if I say I've forgotten - I truly have. My short term memory stinks. Reeks even! It could be a number of things (obviously) but it could just be a result of the pain medication. In fact, we have found out that some of the pain medication was a trigger and causing me more pain! Even food can be a pain trigger - Hello smoothies! Do you know - I've never had a smoothie until this forgettable month!

I could go on and on - (snore) but I'm going to call a halt to this post right here. Any info or whatever will be gratefully appreciated. I promise!

Now I have to go answer that phone - (I think).

The Joy of Not Doing Any Christmas Shopping

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 18:16:00 +0000

That almost sounds strange doesn't it? Not doing ANY Christmas shopping?

Well it's true.

A couple of months ago I came up with the idea of taking what money we would have spent on Christmas presents and donating it to those in need - like Somalia, Uganda, World Wildlife Fund, Pakistan, Child Sight Foundation, Global Animal Foundation, etc. etc. The list of those in need is absolutely endless!

And we are not on it.

I brought my suggestion to everyone in my immediate circle of family and friends and they have all agreed to go with my proposal.

So instead of going crazy battling shoppers and worrying that we have everyone on our list covered, we are spending our time searching out foundations that we would love to support.

We do have one restriction. We want foundations that actually use the money donated for what the foundation is all about instead of for paying themselves an 'administration fee'.

And that's it.

Come Christmas day we are all going to arrive at my nephew's house WITHOUT gaily wrapped packages. Instead we will be arriving with items for a pot-luck supper. The Man is going to deep-fry a turkey, my brother is bringing Trifle, I really like brussel sprouts done in yogurt and garlic, Byron is bringing cranberries and probably more cranberries, and my nephew promised to dust the house in flour to make it look festive (and to tease Byron and I as we are both Celiacs and that might do us in).

Once our meal is over with (and the dishes done) we are going to sit down with our lists and explain who we have chosen and why. Our lists can be as long as we want or as short as we want. It doesn't matter at all.

And then comes that moment I'm really excited about. It is seeing my selected foundations up on the computer screen and clicking SEND. It's knowing that I'm going to be giving a far more valuable gift to more than one person this year and that my gift is going to make a difference. Perhaps it will be food or drinking water, or even the gift of a smile for a child. Perhaps it's keeping an animal from being euthanized or providing shelter for the homeless along with a good hot meal. And perhaps I can only give $5 or $10 dollars to a selected few or to many, but it will be done with joy.

Each donation I am able to give is going to be wrapped with love from my heart. You don't need to put a bow on that.

I Don't Know What To Think -

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 15:15:00 +0000

Truly.

My mind wanders here and there - higgily piggily. I've thought of a million blog posts? No - surely I exaggerate! A thousand? Bah! Perhaps around 100? That's probably more like it but I don't remember.

Words come but mostly they go. Memories - especially recent ones, evaporate into the ether and I can't find them when I turn around. They aren't under the ottoman or behind the drapes. They aren't under my chair or behind my monitor. But certainly - most certainly - they are NOT in my brain anymore.

I often wonder about the pathways in that gray matter that resides between my ears. Is it like a maze? Or perhaps it's more like one of those games where the little shiny gray ball goes in one end and you have to tilt it and jiggle it around corners and down blind alleys, until finally, finally it pops out the other end. You've done it!

Except it's still just a shiny gray ball.

Words and memories disappear instantly. But some of them - especially the words, are caught by those around me and they pop them in their own mouths and finish my sentences.

It helps. But my frustration levels grow exponentially with each word or thought lost on the wind.

My brain is melting slowly. It used to be so slowly that I thought I was like everyone else. Those of us who walk around with words stuck to the tip of our tongues. A turn of the head with a question - 'What was I saying?'

But now - now it is something different. Now I look vaguely around me, searching the floor for the words and memories that surely must have fallen there the last time I was in the room. I've even asked the woman who helps me clean, 'Did you happen to see any words or memories on the Swiffer cloth before you threw it out? Were there any stray letters wrapped up in old dust bunnies when you swept under my bed?' Or - horrors upon horrors - perhaps they were sucked up by the vacuum and I will never see them again for sure! Not unless, of course, I switch to a Dirt Devil and I can rummage through the dust and hair myself and shake out the letters before I replace the little gray cup. Then I have to try and arrange the letters into words or elusive memories and I waste another day. Another lifetime.

Of course I don't know when I started to notice this. How could I? It would have been a short-term memory and I can't seem to keep those in between my ears. I think I noticed a couple of concerned looks that were instantly covered when I turned to search the face. 'Am I missing something?' The quick dissembling and reassembling could of been my first clue - but I don't remember really. Truly I don't. But it was there.

When those actions became something of the norm I knew something was amiss - I think I did anyway. My brother's darling face - the slight sorrow - the kind eyes - the turn of the head. Now I accept it as the norm when he seems to be the one speaking - finishing my sentences, popping in words. He admitted as much the other day. Funny thing is - he couldn't remember when it started either. How odd is that? Not really I think, because everyone around me seems to be doing the same thing - putting in a much needed word here and there for me - or just finishing the sentence. I didn't know I had so many speaking voices. I should have done something with that - acting or ventriloquism.

Did you notice that? I wrote tranquillism for ventriloquism and sat here stumped for a while - searching - using my hands to form something of what I was trying to say. It's little things like that. They may be small - uneventful for you really. But when your day is filled with these they do become extremely annoying. Yet it is still just another day.

I know of a doctor who swears that you wouldn't know you were losing words or memories if you actually were. I call bullshit on that! Who wouldn't recognize the frustration and the searching if it was happening to you? Surely this change in your lifestyle would be something of a flag just out of your line of sight? Anyone? Hello??

What I do remember and still say is that I have always had a love of words and I have clung to my memories good or bad and loved making them! I know this. I. Know. This. Each day is precious. I know that too. Sometimes people say, 'It's only words.' But that's not true. It's a memory as well that goes along with them. It's the physical movement of your lips and throat and a pathway in your brain that has opened and waits.

Still, my thoughts and words continue to run higgily piggily. Bouncing off the gray matter. Beating it down. Ricocheting off bone and leaving dents behind. I'm here! I'm here.

Ah well.

Now - what was I saying?

It Snowed Here Today!

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 07:33:00 +0000

Snow - not again! Ugh.

Makes going back to the Big Blue Barn that much easier!

Believe it Or Not!

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 18:37:00 +0000

I'm almost back!

However! I'm still at my brother's although Otter Rafting Adventures has been put to bed for the winter season and Otter Pottery is slowly making its way into the building.

I'm following doctor's orders and doing what 'I' want to do.

And that is taking it easy and working on forgetting the kind of summer(?) we had this past rafting season. I keep telling myself - "Look on the bright side! It's over!"

You know - it mostly works too!

At present I am spending my days with my brother - our hands covered with clay as we play at making beads. It's fun! It makes me happy! It makes my brother happy too and that means so much to me there are not sufficient words to cover all of these emotions.

But! I'll be back sooner than later. I must go back to my big blue barn at sometime. The Man would like me to come home sometime too although he told me to stay another week. Just coz! Ya gotta love a man like that!

I'll be back with pics of what I've been working on these past months that I haven't been here!

And - BTW - I've missed you too!

Hey - How's Life?

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 04:53:00 +0000

Precious!

Carpal Tunnel Surgery

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Mon, 02 May 2011 18:24:00 +0000

I was wondering today if carpal tunnel surgery would actually change your life line if you saw a palm reader. Perhaps that’s a strange idea but when you see the scars you might wonder too.

So here I am with 7 weeks behind me from the first time I knew that knife was cutting into my palm. My right wrist looks pretty good and it has been incredible to feel and see the difference each day makes.

Surgery March 15/11

I’m still not picking up heavy loads with the right hand nor can I put pressure right on that scar. Eeeeek!

Now take a look at my left wrist -

Surgery April 26/11

It looks (kinda) neat, doesn’t it? You can see a bit of swelling just to the bottom left of the scar. It has been just 6 days from surgery.

As each surgeon is different – and boy was I lucky to get the plastic surgeon I did! – each surgeon has different techniques.

My girlfriend in Ontario had to keep her hand in a brace for 23 out of 24 hours of the day. She did exercises during that 1 hour.

My surgeon wrapped my hand in a tight tensor bandage over the gauze and I left that on for 48 hours. Then I changed that to a bandage and I will wash, then put polysporin on the scar and a bandage over that until I get the stitches out 14 days from the surgery.

Even before I got up off the table, my surgeon had me making a fist and opening it over and over again. He told me the best thing I could do was to exercise it in this manner – and – type!

Today everything works wonderfully and any pains in the site can be controlled with ibuprofen. Eventually I’ll be right back to normal – no numbness or pins and needles and strength once more in my hands. How I look forward to that!

As for the surgery part? It took my surgeon 5 minutes for the surgery and an intern took almost as long to sew me up. I was in and out within 20 minutes.

The worst part? Probably the needle they put in your wrist to freeze everything. But you all know how I’ve been practising with needles in my back – hip – and knee. They do say practise, practise, practise!

And when I go to get the stitches removed, my doctor checks his work by shaking my hand.

How perfect!

Snow Daze!

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 15:50:00 +0000

Yesterday I tried to capture what kind of day we were having here in central Alberta. Please remember the date is – April 14, 2011.

These first set of pictures were taken around 7:40am

These next set of pictures were taken around 10:55am

The following were taken around 1:30pm. As you can see – some of the snow has melted as the temperature rose a few degrees.

And lastly – pictures from around 4:10pm.

Forecast for today?

Currently –6C with thundershowers this afternoon followed by snow this evening and for the next two days.

We Call It – The Grimm Ride!

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 18:24:00 +0000

Last weekend we spent out at Otterville (as we call it) helping my brother (the Otter) with various jobs. This is what we do in the two months before white water rafting begins.

During a much needed break we enjoyed the slightly warmer weather and played with our housemate’s dogs – well – Sam played with his dog Grimm while little Gypsy tried to get in our trailer.

Always ready to try something new, Sam attached his helmet camera to Grimm’s harness.

It’s quite a ride – please enjoy!

Sunrise or Sunset?

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 18:58:00 +0000

Sometimes you just have to open your mind and really ‘see’ what is streaming in to your brain through your eyes.

There are so many beautiful things that we take for granted because we have ‘seen’ them an umpteen millionth time. Yet if we really pay attention then suddenly the beauty that is before you can take your breath away.

I have windows that face east and west and I am blessed with the beauty of each sunrise and sunset. Either one comes to me shining through trees – an image that I can’t describe to do it justice.

I let these colours inspire me and I came up with this wrap bracelet. These are the colours I see before the sunrise and sunset turn to that rosy colour and then on into darker copper…….

(Please click to enlarge – it does make everything look that much nicer!)

$26

Taking The Time

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 16:51:00 +0000

Sometimes you must take the time to be happy – to force yourself to shrug off that dark cloud that sits on your shoulder and put a smile on your face.

I looked in the mirror the other day and wondered who the person was with the ‘frowning face’? You know the type – the people whose line of their mouth carries on down towards their chin – a permanent extended frown. The biggest upside down smile you can imagine.

I know I didn’t look like this before I took on the battle of the permanent pain thing these last couple of years. So I’ve set myself a goal – to turn that frown upside down. I’m just going to add that onto my goal list and work on it.

I find it odd that I have this upside down smile because I work hard at being in a happy mood every day. However sometimes the body is more powerful than the mind, but I’m not going to give up on my mind (again)!

Way back when beating Aims seemed to be the best game around for 3 decades, I always smiled to cover up the pain, both physical and emotional. I am not the only person who did/does that either.

These days I go every Friday to the hospital and get my bladder injected. There are three of us who have made friends and who cheer each other on. One comes from quite a distance away and with her illness can’t drive so her husband usually brings her. One day I met a beautiful woman who had driven my friend. Not only was she very pretty, but more importantly I felt a kindness that surrounded me when I spoke with her – like wings or a big blanket. She made my day with her smiles and good wishes.

When she didn’t drive my friend the next time I learned that she has breast cancer. My heart sank and that instant fear all us women feel for each other took over. Now this morning I have learned that her partner is a Beater. I wanted to cry. I wanted to go defend her with such anger that I’m afraid of what I might do.

The BASTARD!

I hear she is safe – hidden away from him for a week. I’m hoping she isn’t thinking that a week will change him. I’m hoping she knows she has to keep running, she has to keep strong for herself twice over!

How angry this makes me! I often don’t understand how people can do this. Where is compassion? Where is love?

This wonderful woman took the time out from the horror of her life and made a couple of us gals feel better. I think her wings are made of gold.

Please take the time today to smile at a stranger and to read some of these stories. We all need support and a smile from a stranger.

It’s time to make a change.

I’m Positive Spring is Coming – or Am I?

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 03:05:00 +0000

My beloved brother’s birthday falls on April 2. Not a hard date to remember is it.

This year Mother Nature gave him a lovely present.

Here’s looking out his back window (that trailer belongs to a guide).

See all that beautiful fresh snow! It will eventually turn into lovely raging white water this summer. Hmmm – white snow – white water.

Of course it does make for extra work when you are trying to get out of your own driveway!

(David’s drive)

We live a 40 minute drive from my brother and we got a bit of snow too, but only enough to dampen the grass!

You have to love living here. Truly!

Happy Birthday David!

(click to enlarge)

Tea is Good at Any Time

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 16:11:00 +0000

I just checked our weather forecast and see that at present they have described our weather as ‘fog depositing ice’. I could have told them that by looking outside myself. It was something I noticed last night as I wandered the halls at 3am and again at 6:30am. The fog is so thick at present that I can’t see the houses across the road.

“Rhett! Rhett! Where are you? Rhett come back!”

Fog always make me think of Gone With The Wind and Scarlett as she ran down the sidewalks in the swirling fog and that gorgeous dress! Perhaps that is the reason I love the fog so much – I’m a hopeless and lost romantic at heart!

What has all of this to do with tea?

Have you ever noticed how tea is always perfect at any time of the day and in any circumstance? There is nothing like a good cup of tea to take away the chills and stop the sniffles. When situations get really tense ‘Would anyone like a cup of tea?’ seems to always break the tension. Or perhaps when things get rather tricky, the excuse to make a pot of tea is always handy. And of course – just to make one feel relaxed and content – a cup of tea will always do it.

I made this bracelet for all those reasons! It has a heavy chain that not only carries a number of different teapots but also a couple of tea cups so that a ‘spot of tea’ could be shared. I also dangled hearts everywhere to show how much tea is universally loved and then threw in a couple of chocolate bars – well – you know why.

Tea Anyone?

$45

Waiting Patiently

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 17:17:00 +0000

I think today makes six days straight that we have had snow.

Some days it is just little flecks constantly falling past my window – other days it’s those big soft ones that make you want to catch them on your tongue.

No matter how it comes out of the sky – it is getting exhausting.

I took these pictures of our deck and the surrounding trees two days ago. The depth of snow has risen another half inch at least since then. Have a look.

I’m sure you can see why I am patiently waiting for Spring. Almost like waiting for Godot……

So I made this cute little bracelet that makes me think of Spring bonnets and Easter parades…..

$26

Turquoise – Oh My!

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 13:27:00 +0000

If you’re going to wear turquoise – you might as well wear a good chunk of it!

Here’s just the chunk! Circled with a silver bezel.

18”

$48

Spring is Right Around the Corner – Isn’t It?

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 13:15:00 +0000

This simple necklace makes me think of spring right away. I love the colours and the dangles hanging from the heart. How fabulous this would look with anything!

18”

$40

Please click to enlarge.

The Keys to My Heart - #2

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 13:08:00 +0000

Sometimes you like something so much you have to more than one.

Just saying……

71/2”

$35

I always take orders and I can ship anywhere!

The Keys to My Heart - #1

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 13:01:00 +0000

We all have keys to our heart. Some unlock our love, some unlock our passion, others unlock a part of our heart that we try to keep hidden.

What do these do for you?

The Keys To My Heart - (stamped around bangle)

61/2”

$45

Anything Else In That Sparkly Trunk?

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 13:00:00 +0000

This bangle is a little different than the others. I wrapped it with a darker wire and used brass charms instead of silver.

6”

$40

Always & Forever

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 13:00:00 +0000

Sometimes this is just the perfect sentiment. It can have different meanings to each person. What does it mean to you? How would you view these words when you looked at it encircling your wrist?

8”

$45

Having Fun!

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 18:16:00 +0000

Twisting and turning, delving into imagination and design, forming metal into something wearable and usable. Ahhh! This is my journey this week.

Usable you query? Copper – it helps with that age old demon – arthritis. Why where a band of plain copper when you could be wearing something like this?

6 1/2”

$45

Some Wonderful Memories

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 05:01:00 +0000

I wish I had more time to blog these days but I just don’t.

Surgery on my left wrist is on March 15th and I have some jewelry orders to fill and some stock to get done before then. I’m afraid that I might not be able to hold my tools for about 12 weeks and that leaves me feeling a bit frantic. Funny because I do this because I love doing it. I can be so silly some times.

Okay – here’s a couple of pics that I think about often as I look at the weather forecasts and see –34C and colder. Ah! Alberta!

From The Studio (for a while anyway)

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 00:26:00 +0000

Having returned home to incredibly cold weather – I have listened to the call of my studio and have happily buried myself in sparkling beads, metals, wire and charms.

At present I feel a bit of panic setting in as the countdown to the first carpal tunnel surgery has begun. March 15th – The Ides of March! – is the day set aside for my left hand. Six weeks later – April 26th – is my right hand.

Sigh. In one way I’ll be very happy to have it done. But in another way – it really is going to cut into (no pun intended) playing in my studio.

For right now though – sparkly things are coming out of that studio and here’s pics of one of them.

Friends <–> Forever <–> Friends <–> Forever (stamped around the bangle)

$45

6 1/4”

I Wasn't Planning This Post - But Here It Is!

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 22:34:00 +0000

Today I received an email from a friend telling me of her sorrow over the dead baby dolphins washing up on shore. I had not heard or read that news for reasons I will give you a little later on in this post.

During our holidays when my brother and his partner were visiting we drove down to Grand Isle which is southwest of New Orleans and pokes out into the Gulf of Mexico. Once we arrived we found a place to park beside some cottages and walked over the dunes and down to the water's edge. There were a number of strange machines combing the sand - sifting out oil. And this in what used to be a very ritzy summer getaway spot for the idly rich. Now a tourist's spot - sort of.

When we arrived at the water's edge - we stood there and looked at the black water and sand that washed at our feet - in and out - creating a brownish gray foam that looked evil. We could see the oil in the water - underneath and on top of the surface. My stomach not only sank but turned.

Further along the Isle we came to the State Park and we were told we were NOT allowed on the beach due to the clean up. Perhaps we weren't allowed where we had been either but I didn't see any signs. What I did see was how this was not only going to affect the tourism on Grand Isle but also change the shore life of the people who had cottages on stilts or on the dunes that looked out over the Gulf of Mexico. We saw a LOT of signs about BP - signs of hatred and despair. The future of Grand Isle almost looked futile.

It does not surprise me that this is happening. Trying to scream at the machine is only going to rip our throats out in the end.

And now the great breaking news that makes the front pages here and puts this sort of story on page 9. Jennifer Aniston has changed her hairstyle! OMG!!

Home Again - Home Again - Jig Jiggedy Jig

noreply@blogger.com (aims) — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 15:52:00 +0000

I'm back in the land of cold. Plain and simple.

Today the temp outside is -28C with a windchill factor of -36C. For those of you who don't 'do' Celsius those temps are -18.4F and -32.8F.

This is actually rather balmy compared to the temps we've been having this last week. Think -40C and wonder if there is really any possible reason that would drag you out your front door to spend time frozen to the sidewalk. Nothing? Right. Same here.

We've actually been home a week - in fact a week later than we had originally planned. That huge weather condition that wiped out half of the United States also hit us and we kept trying to get away from it only to have it slap us in the face yet again. The normal 5 day trip took us 13 days. When we finally walked through the front door we couldn't believe that we had actually made it - and safe and sound at that.

At present I am putting the recounting of our trip aside as my thoughts are focused on New Zealand and the horrific news that is coming out of ChristChurch. I have 2 friends in New Zealand - Michelle who writes the blog Mickle's Pickle and lives in Wellington on the North Island and who has let us all know she is safe. And the second is one of our rafting guides who is traveling around New Zealand and was in Queenstown when the quake struck. He let me know he was also safe and informed me he was heading to ChristChurch to try and help out. Didn't surprise me in the least.
I must add here that I have another friend who actually lives in ChristChurch. For some reason - okay let's call it menopause and opium - I completely forgot that Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers lives right in the area we are all focused on. She is safe as well!

Reading the news of Libya and the rest of the world has me wondering what is going on in this world of ours. My mind is churning over our experience in the US where as outsiders we watched a country being torn apart. I must think more on this before I write a post about it.

The biggest question I have at the moment about life on this planet that is ripping itself apart is this:
Why does news of Justin Bieber getting his hair cut warrant a place on the front page??