Beyond What Divides Us - The new daily online soap opera.

2010-01-04T13:00:00.001-05:00

With another year almost over, Ethan stood before the mirror finishing his hair and reflecting back on the wild ride that had been 2009. Reaching into the medicine cabinet, he pulled out a mild blend of narcotics and sedatives, to help him relax. Looking backward, the year almost seemed to have been some sort of dream. It were almost as if any second he would awake, to find this had been some kind of prolonged dream, one that was at last over. He couldn't help but think of Marcel, as he turned off the washroom light and began putting on his coat and scarf. After what had seemed to be a reconciliation months earlier, the lines of communication had fallen deafeningly silent. Marcel had contacted Ethan once more in late autumn, but this had been strictly online. It were as if Marcel was just wanted to keep track of Ethan, to know what he was doing. It had simply been a series of questions, and an apology for leaving so abruptly again in September. There was no talk of a relationship, and Ethan had ended the conversation quickly, as he had needed to leave for work. Although the brutality of the recession was still roaring, Ethan had managed to secure a temporary form of employment, customer service, to keep the bills paid. This was highly demotivating, and the paycheque even harder to accept. He had needed to remind himself, daily, that this was a temporary situation, to get him through until he did find something in his field. As he locked the door, Ethan left the house, his mind still reflecting the past year, and headed for the train station. He was going home, to the peacefulness of the country, to start a new year with his family.

Victoria ran back and forth between her bedroom and the washroom, trying to put the finishing touches on her look for the evening. This was going to be a big night for her, indeed! Things had developed between her and Peter; deep things, that frightened as well as elated her. She had refrained from introducing him to her family, as she had done in the past. If she were to bring another man into her world, that deeply, it had to be something concrete. Peter had more than proved himself to be both a man who appreciated her, and loved her for who she was. As wonderful as things had been between Victoria and Dimitri, as far as she had fallen, the feeling here was so drastically different with Peter. She felt at ease, loved, valued, and above all: secure. The time had come, finally, for her to remove her wall completely, and bring Peter into her world. He would escort her to a small gathering her sister, Kathy, was hosting to celebrate the transition into 2010. Victoria found herself feeling nervous. She worried that this would somehow change things, and that the relationship may change once this next bridge had been crossed. Of course, this was foolish. If anything, Peter meeting her family would bring them closer together, and have Victoria one step closer to the partnership she had always dreamed of. As Victoria pinned in the last piece of hair into her exquisite up-do, the doorbell sounded. Running to the door, she opened it to see Peter. A bright smile illuminated her face, as she pulled him in for a long embrace. He looked so handsome, all dressed up, clearly nervous as well. This was a big night for both of them. Putting on her coat, and turning off the light, the two left arm in arm, and made their way to the car.

Arriving at the door of the house where he grew up, Ethan rang the doorbell and anxiously waited for his mother to answer. A light rain was falling; not at all typical for this time of year in Ontario. As the door opened, Ethan was so relieved to see his mother's face. It was a grounding moment for him. For Ethan, so much time is spent in his mind; replaying old events, dreaming up the future he wants and needs to be happy, it sometimes is difficult for him to simply enjoy the present. Being home, interacting with his mother, it brought him out from his deepest thoughts, and back into reality. As the evening passed, and they dined on a selection of finger foods, wine, and spirits, Ethan tried his best to relax. They talked and reflected on the year that was about to come to an end, and both agreed it had been a trying time. They laughed about the flood in the spring which had filled the lower level of the estate with the frigid waters of late March. Ethan remembered this well; he had been home tending to his mother after her surgery at the time. For Ethan; however, 2009 had been so much more than a simple flood, or a challenging recession. It was a year he had fallen so far, and although he somewhat had control, at least in this moment, he was so close to the edge, anything could be enough to push him over. He was, after all, still reliant on narcotics and sedatives just to remain functional. Ethan had lost a lot over the last year: Marcel, his career, and his self-confidence. The time had arrived for him to reclaim his life; if only he knew where to start. With less than an hour remaining in 2009, the two cracked open another bottle of wine, and waited in anticipation to welcome in a new year, and hopefully, a fresh start.

Victoria rang the doorbell, and excited to finally be introducing Peter to her family. As the door opened, and Kathy appeared, a look of surprise was on her face. "Peter?" she said.

"Kathy?" Peter replied. "Oh my goodness, what are you doing here?"

"I live here, this is my apartment." Kathy replied. Victoria looked profoundly confused.

"You two know each other?" Victoria asked.

"Kathy's husband is my stepbrother" Peter answered; clearly uncomfortable. An awkward silence filled the air. As Kathy motioned the two to enter, she and Victoria exchanged a glance, and neither could believe what was happening. It's true that Peter was not related by blood to anyone in the room, but, at the same time: this was a bit too close for comfort. Victoria and Peter made their way to the living room, to join the other guests. The look of surprise on Kathy's husband's face when he saw Peter walk in with Victoria said it all. All this time, all the conversations with Victoria about the man she had fallen so far in love with, even using his name; none of them had connected the dots. Being step brothers, the two men did not see each other often, and as such, Victoria could not have possibly known. "So, this is a little surprising" Peter finally said, trying to break the awkwardness.

"Yes, but it's not a bad thing at all, I'm just glad to see the two of you happy" Kathy responded, smiling softly. It was clear that she too was uncomfortable with the situation, but what could be said at this point?

"We really are happy" Victoria said; continuing: "This is certainly a shock, I think, for everyone. At least we know we have good taste in men" Victoria stated to Kathy. Everyone laughed. It was quite clear that no one in the room was comfortable; however, no one dared to say so. It was, after all, new year's eve.

No matter where in the Eastern time zone one was, the last ten seconds of 2009 resulted in an audible countdown. From Montreal, to Toronto, New York and beyond, this part of the world raised their glasses ready to end the year that had been, and start anew. Even the earth was about to embark on a full 365 day trip around the sun. As the last seconds counted, screams could be heard both near and far. It was here. 2009, a year that had ruined so many, was officially over. Confetti filled the skies in all the major cities, fireworks illuminated the darkness. A full moon, shining down from the skies, which hopefully indicated abundance lit the hearts of everyone who saw it. Raising his glass, Ethan toasted his champagne with his mother, and the two exchanged a warm hug and kiss on the cheek. Several hundred kilometres away; Victoria, Kathy, Peter, and everyone at the party raised their glasses. Shouting out "happy new year!", they all went from to person to person kissing each other on the cheeks, exchanging smiles, hugs, and wishing each other all the best for the coming year. They had made it; each and every one of them. That alone was cause for celebration. Victoria excused herself for a moment, and went into the hallway to her handbag. She and Ethan had drifted apart during 2009, but she wanted to send him a text message to wish him a happy new year. Pulling out her phone, she could hardly believe it. There was a message from Ethan already waiting for her!

"Happy new year, love". After replying, Victoria returned to the party. Looking over at Peter, and still feeling slightly uncomfortable, Victoria tried to focus on the other emotion she felt: hope. A new year had started; a clean slate. The canvas was bare, and it would be up to her to create something beatiful. And she would, she decided. This year: she definitely would.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Isabella is back, and we will see how things resolved between her and Stephanie. Also: Victoria has a tough choice to make, when Peter makes her an offer!

© X_MEDIA 2010

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-09-02T13:00:00.001-04:00

Ethan jumped in anticipation as his phone rang, knowing it was Marcel. As he said "hello", a familiar voice greeted him, and his worries melted away at once. How could he possibly have any worries, hearing this voice which was the only comfort he had come to accept? This was all he ever dreamed of, and he listened intently as Marcel spoke. Details of his day, the delay on the transit coming home due to a strike; completely meaningless details that Ethan was all but too happy to hear. His love was back, and once again, they were sharing their lives. The important things, and the mundane details of the day. Both of them, combined, formed a well rounded and healthy conversation, allowing both men to relate to one another on such a deep level. Ethan, in return, shared the details of his day with Marcel. The jog, the incredible humidity along the lake as he'd sat there, and the boring details of the house chores he'd completed. This was incredible. Listening to each other; relating to one another's world, and living their lives as one. This was how it had been once, and it seemed, it was returning to this state of bliss, that both had missed incredibly since the end of their relationship. Ethan felt whole again, and Marcel seemed to once again be the man Ethan had fallen in love with. With the nightmare behind them, they would be able to carry on with their lives; dreaming, planning, and living out the partnership of their dreams.

Victoria sat smiling, as she looked across the table at Peter. It had been hours, and as they sat in the coffee shop talking, it had become abundantly clear that there was most certainly a chemistry between them. Peter seemed, in every way, to be everything that Victoria was looking for in a man. Charming, confident, sweet, and a good sense of humour. There were some things about him that were less than ideal for Victoria, but they were certainly nothing she could not overlook. His last relationship, had been very serious, and lasted for years. He, and his ex-girlfriend, had a child together. Their relationship, at the time, had seemed to be one that would last forever. Was Victoria ready to become a stepmother? Not really, but her emotional desires were so much more complex than that. She, too, had many things in her history that were less than ideal for a partner. She had so many ex-boyfriends, with such long stories to tell about each. She had left home, to live with a man years ago without completing high school. This choice, haunted her still, as it restricted so many options for her in her present. None of this seemed to matter with Peter. The conversation between them flowed so naturally, that it were as if he understood her every desire, fault, goal, and wish. And she, in turn, understood him too. As the minutes passed, seemingly at record breaking speed, they were getting to know each other so deeply, and intimately, it was almost strange. Both felt extremely comfortable talking, and information from both sides was being freely exchanged. This feeling was so unexpected for Victoria, as only hours earlier, she had grown extremely introverted and bitter toward opening herself up to men. The hurt from Dimitri was so fresh, it seemed unimaginable to possibly let another man in, and open herself up to hurt. Yet, with Peter, it happened so naturally, it was nearly impossible to resist. And with this strange feeling over comfort engulfing both of them, they continued to talk, and the scene was set. Something was forming between them.

Ethan lay in the backyard of his house on a towel, soaking in the beautiful sunshine. The fog had lifted, and the heat and humidity were wonderful. He was so pale compared to normal, with the summer having been unusually cold and overcast. The phone, resting next to him, had fallen silent, as Marcel had to go out to run some errands. This, again, left Ethan time to think, and try to process everything that was happening. Things were moving so fast, and although, logically, he knew he should slow it down, a part of him did not want to. This was what he had been wanting all this time. Marcel back in his life; that feeling of closeness that only true love could provide. This fear within him though, continued to make itself known, even through all the good things that were happening between them. Ethan had become conditioned to expect the worst with Marcel, knowing that at any moment, things could simply change, and become his worst nightmare from the sweetest dream. Could it be, perhaps, that it was Ethan who was crazy and unstable? He had been miserable without Marcel; a constant ache in his heart. And now, with Marcel now back in his life fully, things should be resolved, and he should be enjoying every moment. But this fear was preventing him from experiencing this happiness to the fullest. Was it justified? Was it fair for him to base his current circumstance with Marcel, on his historical behaviour? Or was this a cruel paranoia that would threaten the chance of them having the happiness that they both seemed to want with each other, and so badly deserved? Whatever the case was, Ethan knew: he would need to conceal his concerns from Marcel. To bring up the past, to voice his fears and concerns would only bring about the certainty of them coming true. Rolling over, on to his stomach, Ethan rested his head on his arm as the sun caressed his skin, and he slowly drifted off into sleep.

Isabella stepped off the tram after a morning of errands and shopping, and made her way toward home. She as at peace, finally, knowing that she had found a new apartment, and would have a place to stay at the end of the month. This stress of looking for new accommodation had been getting to her, and she had not had much time to herself, or time to spend with Gary. Once this move was behind her, it would be a fresh start. She was moving to an area of the city she adored, and that alone would give her a better feeling when she returned home each night. And once settled in, it would provide easier access to Gary, as they would not be far apart. as she entered her apartment, she packed away the things she had purchased, and began to do some household cleaning. Going through the living room, vacuuming, she noticed the light on her phone was flashing. There was a message. Turning the vacuum off, she made her way over to the machine and pressed play. She was certain it would be Gary calling to check in on her, and listened eagerly for the sound of his voice. Her heart began to race as the message began to play. "Mom, it's me. I'm in some trouble, and I've been arrested. I'm at the main station downtown, please come as soon as you can. I've made a huge mistake and don't know how to fix this. I know you hate me, but I need you right now. Please come as soon as you can. I'm scared". Isabella's face grew hot, and her body trembled. She could not imagine what Stephanie could have possibly done now, and was almost afraid of the answer. Frantically throwing some things into her handbag, she left her apartment, and made her way back to the tram stop. The world seemed to be surreal, as her mind raced, wondering what she would be walking in on, when she arrived at the police station. Her daughter, a girl she loved so much, was seemingly in an endless downward spiral, and with each of these events, Isabella died a little more inside. She felt as though she had failed as a mother. Failed both Stephanie, and herself.

The phone pressed to his ear, Ethan lay in bed listening to Marcel talk. Marcel, being six hours ahead, was preparing to bring his day to a close, and drift away for the night. The conversation had been lighthearted so far, and Ethan was trying not to listen to the concerns ever present deep within him. Marcel began to grow quiet, and Ethan wondered if he was feeling tired, or if something was bothering him. "I've been thinking, Ethan, I am ready to move to Toronto and be with you. I want us to get married, and live the life we've dreamed of together" Marcel finally said. Ethan grew silent. This was not something he was ready for; not even close. This was way too fast, and way too soon. Yes, they had a history together, and certainly had all the feelings required. But that same history, clouded in darkness, made Ethan feel afraid to simply jump into a life with Marcel, without taking things slowly and seeing what they could build together.

"Marcel, I love you, and I do want to be with you. But I need some time. It's been so long since you've been in my life, and looking back at all we've been through, I think jumping into something this serious, head first, could spell disaster for us. We need to build something together again, take our time, rekindle that fire we once had. We can't just simply go on as if nothing has happened."

"You don't love me, and want me there with you?"

"Of course I do, but it's just I need time to adjust to all this, and we both need time for things to become comfortable".

"I need to be with you. I am tired of us waiting, and putting things off. We're soul mates, and deserve to be together".

"Yes, we are, but at the same time, we have a history Marcel. We need to rebuild things together, slowly, and in our own time. This is a big decision, we can't rush it".

"There's nothing to decide, either you want to be with me, or you don't".

"I do Marcel, but I think we should take this slow. We need time".

"All we've done is wait. It's time to either do this, or not".

"We will do this, but we need time to get things back to the level we once had". Ethan replied, beginning to feel a knot in his stomach.

"I give up, Ethan. I don't know what game you're playing, but I can't do this. You love me, you say, but you don't want to be with me. I guess that says it all".

"Marcel? Hello; Marcel?" Ethan yelled out into the phone. It was no use; the call was over.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Will Marcel really walk away from Ethan again so soon after returning, or will he realise he is leaving behind a man who loves him more than anything? Also: Things get extremely emotional between Isabella and Stephanie!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-09-01T13:00:00.001-04:00

Ethan awakened, still fully dressed, laying atop his duvet, his bed still made. The phone, remained right next to his head on the pillow as it had been the night before. How sweet it had been to fall asleep to the sound of Marcel; an experience he had not had in such a long time. The sound of his breathing, his light snore as he had drifted away into slumber, had comforted Ethan, and made him feel safe, and cared for. This man, the only man Ethan had ever truly loved, had once again returned to him. He could not believe that finally, after all this time, his lover and partner for life had come back to him. He had hoped and prayed that this day would come, but it had seemed so far away, he could not fathom it ever happening; yet somehow, here they were. The fates could not keep them apart. It was destiny that had brought them back together. They were one, as they had always been, and both of them knew that. Without each other, neither man could possibly be complete. "Marcel?" Ethan said into the phone, expecting to hear a response. There was silence. Looking over at his side table, Ethan noticed that there was a message waiting for him. Looking at the screen, his eyes still blurry as he struggled to wake up, there was a message from Marcel!

"Baby, I've had to go into the office. I can not tell you how happy I am to be back together. I left the call on, so the disconnected line wouldn't wake you up. I will call you as soon as I get home. I love you". Ethan's face beamed as a huge smile grew across his face. He was so excited; his life finally seemed to be coming together. Once again, he had the only thing that ever made him happy back: Marcel. Grabbing his towel, Ethan walked to the washroom and stepped into the shower. It was going to be a beautiful day.

Victoria sat at the bus terminal downtown, waiting for the morning transit service to start. She had left the bar at closing, and missed any hope of transportation home. As she sat there, surrounded by an eerily silent downtown London, she could see the beginnings of a new day, as a slight hint of colour and light began to form to the east. The air was thick with humidity, and there was a strange silence about the town. It was not often she would find herself out at this hour, especially alone. As the effects of the alcohol were beginning to wane, she could feel that profound sense of emptiness returning within her. It had not been filled during her night at the bar, as she was aware, but she had been blissfully numb, and this had consoled her. A figure slowly approached her, the first light of the morning shining behind him. She could not make out his face, only a shadow of a man growing ever closer. She reached into her purse, and bringing out a cigarette she lit it, trying her best to ignore the figure coming toward her. She did not want to meet anyone; no, she wanted to be left alone. Her mind spinning, her emotions so close to exploding it was nearly impossible to keep them all within, she simply wanted time to herself. "Excuse me", the man said, now standing right before her, "do you know what time the first buses should be arriving?"

"In half an hour" Victoria replied coldly.

"Oh, I'm a bit early then. Would it be possibly to borrow a cigarette?" Without answering, Victoria reached into her bag, and passed the man a cigarette. He had intensely deep brown eyes, becoming more visible now, as the light continued to grow on the horizon. "I'm Peter", the man said, extending his hand.

"Victoria", she replied, extending her hand and shaking his hand.

"It's a real pleasure to meet you, Victoria, truly" the man said, as he sat down next to Victoria on the bench.

Ethan left the house, and began to jog up the street toward the pathway down the side of the cliffs. He was feeling exhilarated, energetic, and alive for the first time in months. As he made his way down the steep winding path toward the shores of Lake Ontario, his ipod playing songs to motivate him, his mind was half way around the world with Marcel. It was finally going to happen for him, he thought to himself. After all that had happened; all the pain that the two had endured, finally, there would be a happy ending for he and Marcel. Things had not been easy, in fact, things could not have been much more difficult. But knowing now that the dreams he had; the dreams he and Marcel had created together would one day reach fruition, things were finally falling into place. There was a part of Ethan, deep within him, that was still frightened, and wondered what would happen if Marcel were to revert back to his old ways. This was not something he wanted to consider, but given the way things had been previously, this was not a concern he could simply ignore. He was certainly not having second thoughts about being with Marcel, but he was deciding firmly, that they would have to proceed slowly. They could not simply rush back into what they had before; trying to pick up the relationship as they had left it. This would have to be a fresh start, built on a whole new foundation. If they were to try to recreate what the had before, the result would most certainly be the same. Ethan sat down on a rock, just barely half a metre from the waves crashing against the shore. The humidity was unbearable, and he wanted to rest for a moment, and disappear into thought. He was so happy to have Marcel back in his life, but he needed to decide once and for all how to proceed. There had to be boundaries, and time to put the pieces back together. His heart was still damaged, and would need to heal, before being able to simply love as he had before.

Victoria laughed loudly, as she listened to Peter's story about his evening. He was so easy to talk to, and had a great sense of humour. He had been driving home from work, when his car had suddenly stalled on the side of the road. With no service stations open nearby, he had been forced to call a tow truck, and now was awaiting a bus to return him home. His description of the evening was quite amusing. Where most men would be infuriated, Peter seemed to be able to see the humour int he situation, and it was a great distraction for Victoria from the empty feeling within her. As the first buses began to pull into the terminal, Victoria was relieved to hear that Peter would be taking the same bus as her. She was enjoying his company, and did not want the conversation to end. He was, seemingly, a great guy. Attractive, funny, down to earth, and it would seem, drama free. This was a massive relief to her, since her world had been so insane lately. As more buses continued to pull into the station, people began arriving to start their day. From a quiet intimate conversation, the bus platforms had turned into a bustling transit hub, full of commuters. Peter looked over at Victoria, a large smile across his face. "What do you have planned for this morning?" he asked.

"Just going home, probably do some laundry and go to sleep" Victoria responded.

"It's my day off", Peter said nervously. "I really don't mean this to sound strange, and I apologise if it does; I am enjoying talking to you. Would you like to maybe go to a coffee shop, and talk a while longer?" Victoria was silent for a moment. This was such a strange situation. Meeting a man, at the moment she least wanted to; considering going for coffee with a total stranger. She didn't know how to respond. Without even having a chance to think of an answer, her lips opened and a single word came out.

"Yes".

Arriving home, Ethan raced into his room, to see if Marcel had sent him any messages on his mobile. He was elated to see his phone flashing, and could not pick it up fast enough. "Baby, I'll be leaving work shortly. Will you be home in an hour or so? I'd love to talk to you". Ethan beamed as he read this. He was almost expecting to wake up any moment, and for this to all be a dream. But it was not. This was real, and it was wonderful. Responding to Marcel, Ethan wrote:

"I'll be here baby. I can't wait to hear your voice". It was the strangest feeling; it were almost as if the hands of time had been turned back, and things were back to as they had been in the beginning. Ethan could not help but think back to just a while ago, as he had sat on that rock. He had to be careful; this had to be taken slowly. If he and Marcel rushed into this, it could spell disaster for both of them. All this aside, Ethan still wanted, more than anything, to get back together with Marcel, and he was fully prepared to open himself up; allow himself to be vulnerable, but in time. His only fear, was that Marcel would not want that, and again it could cause disaster. For something so simple; for two people who loved each other so much, to be together, it felt so complicated. Indeed, it was. These two had seen heaven on earth. They had also seen hell, and everything else in between. No relationship can possibly be perfect all the time, this was a given. Knowing that, it certainly did seem that the pain they had been through together, and separately, was extremely disproportionate to the joy. Ethan hoped, with ever part of his soul, that this time, they could make it right. Living without Marcel was torture, and living with Marcel as he self destructed was even worse. Could they ever be happy? Would the fates allow it? Only time would answer this. Sitting at his desk, reading the news to pass the time, Ethan anxiously awaited the call. The call which could change everything.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Ethan's fears prove true, as something is amiss with Marcel. Also: Isabella gets a call that nothing could have prepared her for!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-08-31T13:00:00.001-04:00

There was a long and awkward pause on the line from both Ethan and Marcel. Ethan was in complete shock at what he had just heard. Marcel wanted to marry him, and be the partner that Ethan dreamed of? This was all that Ethan had ever wanted, but something didn't feel right. How could they possibly move on after all that had happened? It wasn't even a matter of Ethan simply feeling detached because of the time they had spent apart; no, it was so much more than that. He had heard those very words from Marcel so many times before. Promises of forever, promises of eternal love and passion that would never fade, and promises that Marcel would get himself sorted out. With each of these promises, not only had they gone unfulfilled, but over time Marcel seemed to get worse with each passing day. Was Ethan really ready to go down that road again? With his own life crumbling from its very foundation, could he stand and round of drama with Marcel? At the same time, could he afford not to pursue something if Marcel was offering it? Ethan truly believed that he and Marcel were soul mates; how could he turn away the only man he had ever loved so much? This was all so unexpected, and happening so quickly. The more Ethan processed all of this in his mind, the more he became confused. Why had Marcel just told him that he had slept with other men? This made Ethan feel not only jealous, but somewhat angered. The thought of Ethan sleeping with anyone else, while he was still in love with Marcel made him ill. How could Marcel do the same thing in reverse? With the silence almost becoming painful, Ethan felt he needed to say something. "After all that's happened; after all you've put me through, I just don't know that there is still the potential for that with us" Ethan said, trying not to sound emotional. "A part of me loves you, and always will, but like I told you, I don't even know which 'you' is the real one. I do not want to fall into your trap and wind up hurt again, you've already taken so much from me".

Victoria walked along the river through downtown London, on her way to a bar to clear her head and have a drink to relax. The temperature and humidity were still rising, creating a thick layer of fog. As she walked through, she felt as if the weather were mocking her emotions. This was how life seemed to her: looking forward through a fog, able to see where she was going, but through a haze of confusion. Her views of most everything seemed to be distorted, as she struggled to make sense of the mess she found herself in. As she walked, she paused for a moment, looking at a familiar sight. A spot of the river's edge so fresh in her mind, it was shocking. Her mind flashed back to the dream she had months ago, and it all came rushing back to her. Falling down the embankment, struggling against the strong current and freezing temperature of the water. Looking back toward shore to see both Dimitri and James standing there, and not knowing which one to choose as she wanted each of them to be right man for her; the one she could share her life with. Now, with both of them in the past, she had come to realise that neither of them loved her in the way she needed to be loved. She could remember vividly the feeling of being love sick for both of these men, yet not receiving the passion she needed in return, and now in this moment, wondered what was worse. Was it worse to be falling for two men, torn in each direction, knowing there would not be a happy ending with either; or, was it worse to be completely alone as she was now? She was not content then, nor was she content now. Was she capable of being happy? Was there something so flawed about her, as to consistently draw in men which were either incapable or unwilling to commit to her, and love her as she deserved? Staring blankly ahead at the swiftly moving water, she was engrossed in thought. She needed to leave this spot, yes; she needed to get to the bar and relax over a few drinks. As she lit a cigarette and prepared to continue walking, a hand reached out and rested on her shoulder. Victoria jumped at the touch, as a voice said softly: "hello Victoria".

Ethan lay in his bed, looking up at the ceiling, the phone pressed to his ear. Marcel tried to explain to Ethan why things had happened as they had. The way his father had belittled him, the way he had felt so insecure due to the shocking end of his previous relationship, and the way that he had felt so threatened at the vulnerability he had experienced by opening up to Ethan. The fact that he had fallen so deep in love, felt things he never believed he would feel for anyone, and his inability to deal with these new found emotions. Ethan, growing more confused as he listened, was being less and less sure what to do. Hearing these words, he felt a great sense of pity for Marcel. He loved him, even still, and wanted so badly to be able to help him get past these reservations, and begin a new and beautiful life - together. History, though, told Ethan that any attempt to help Marcel, would prove futile, and destroy him in the process. It seemed to Ethan, that Marcel had a self destruct button which he pressed on a regular basis. When Marcel would self destruct, it did not just destroy himself, but everyone close to him as well. Was Ethan really ready to take this risk again, in hopes that they could regain the passion and fire that they once had? Ethan struggled to find anything to say back to Marcel, so he simply remained silent and listened to the words coming from Marcel's mouth. Words from the only voice his heart could ever understand. "Baby, I know I hurt you a lot, and I know it's insane to think that you would ever get back with me. But I am still so in love with you. I've been with other men, yes, and I have tried so hard to leave you behind. But when I climb into bed at night, it's your name in my heart. It's Ethan I want by my side. Your love could have saved me last year, but I could not accept it, with where I was in my life. You were, in every way, all that a partner ever could be. I really hope we can give things another try together. You're the love of my life, and always will be..."

Victoria turned around with a start, and could not believe who she saw! "Dimitri?" she said, completely stunned. Was she hallucinating? No, he was very much there. But why? How? What would possibly bring him here at this hour?

"How have you been?" Dimitri asked.

"Fine, how are you?" Victoria responded, coldly.

"I'm okay; I'm just on my way to go see a friend. Decided to walk along the river since it's so nice tonight".

"Yes, it is nice tonight."

"Look, Victoria, I'm really sorry things didn't work out between us. You look really great".

"Thanks".

"Well, I guess I should get going; I don't want to be late"

"Okay, see you" Victoria answered as Dimitri disappeared into the fog just as quickly as he appeared. What were the chances of him showing up just then? Was this a sign? Her emotions, and thoughts began to process rapidly. Her responses to him had been so cold. Was she truly over him enough to want him to leave her be? Or, was she simply projecting a wall of ice to protect herself from appearing hurt and vulnerable? Turning the opposite way from Dimitri, Victoria began to walk again. This random encounter had thrown her into a massive confusion. Their relationship, still fresh in her mind, haunted her, as she tried to figure out just how she felt. She had fallen for Dimitri fast, and she had fallen hard. She had come to believe that Dimitri was actually a man that she might, after all, be able to spend her life with; but, as was the case so many times for her, it had ended abruptly and painfully. And now this; it seemed as if the God's were playing a vicious joke with her emotions. As she approached a corner pub, she walked in, trying to conceal the emotions active within her. Sitting down at the bar, she motioned the bartender over. "Whiskey and coke please, and make it a double".

Ethan felt himself getting emotional. His barrier was quickly cracking, and he could no longer bury what he was feeling inside. Tears began to freely flow down his cheeks, as he listened to Marcel describe everything he wanted in life with Ethan. Moving to Toronto, marriage, building a life and home together. Falling asleep in each other's arms as they once did. Making love, with a fire and passion few could relate to. These words... This voice... It reached the very depths of Ethan soul, and with each passing phrase was breaking him down. How could he turn down something he wanted with every fibre of his being? His love for Marcel had never ended, not even so much as paused. If anything, it had only grown stronger, and he had been forced to experience the emptiness that was his life, without the man he loved. Ethan walked toward the washroom, still intently listening to each word Marcel was saying. Opening his medicine cabinet, he began to mix something to calm his nerves, and numb the anxiety he was feeling inside. He was feeling extremely overwhelmed, as he tried to process everything that was being said to him. Returning to his room, he laid down once again on the bed. It was time to tell Marcel the truth. "Marcel, I love you. I have never stopped loving you. All I have wanted from the time we fell in love, was to build a life with you. You are my soul mate, my other half, and I cannot fight what I am feeling. Yes, I want to give things another try with us. But, it cannot be as it was before. I don't want to get hurt again. I want the Marcel I fell in love with, and tonight, listening to you, I believe he is here. Let me share your world with you. The good, the bad, everything. No more secrets, barriers, withdrawn periods. If we are to share our lives, we need to share our lives. It's all or nothing, baby. And after listening to you tonight, and listening to my heart, I am fully prepared to give my all."

"Oh, baby..." Marcel responded, a sense of relief in his voice.

"I want to be your Ethan, only yours, pour tout la vie."

Preview from Tomorrow's episode: It's as if the clock has been turned back for Ethan and Marcel. It's pure bliss, but can it last? Also: Victoria has a chance encounter that could change everything!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-07-06T13:00:00.002-04:00

A warm and humid air mass swept across southern Ontario. The sky, thick with haze, became illuminated with exceptional colouring as the sun began its daily ascent into the sky. Victoria, thoroughly exhausted, sat aboard the coach nearing ever closer to London. Her trip away was over, at last, and soon she would be at home. She could not believe how disappointing the previous two days had been. This man, one she so comfortably had sat up all night chatting with online, had turned out to be far less than an ideal mate for her. In fact, he wasn't even appropriate material for a friend. It had been alarming to her, to find a man who cared so little for himself, that he would allow such significant neglect to his body and soul. His teeth, nearly missing in full, his body so thin and malnourished that he appeared almost as a skeleton. His eyes were completely lifeless, though it seemed his heart still functioned. He had commented on how beautiful Victoria was, and how he believed he was in love with her. Realistically, Victoria knew that this man did not love her, but still on some level, hearing those words had been a strange reassurance. What was meant to be a simple meeting on her day off of work, had turned into a two day ordeal. Both trains, and coaches, had been solidly booked the day she was to return. She had found herself stranded in a strange town, with little choice but to remain with this man until she was able to find suitable transportation home. Her mobile phone, having lost its charge in full, had left her isolated from the world. She had no idea of the concerns her family, and Ethan had felt. It had been strangely relaxing to have had time away from her family, away from London, but deep within her, as the skyline began to become visible ahead of her, she was relieved to see it. She was home.

Ethan's phone began to ring, gradually bringing him out of his unconscious state, and into reality. He struggled to fight the fog currently consuming his mind, as he struggled to locate the handset on the side table. Once finding it, Ethan answered with a groggy "hello". It was Victoria! She explained to Ethan what had happened, and apologised for having caused him any concern. She informed Ethan that she had talked to Kathy already, and that all was well. She asked how Ethan how he was doing. Ethan was struggling to piece together sentences that make sense. He told Victoria that he had been quite down lately, but did not go into detail about his recent return to concoctions of sedatives and narcotics. This door, to everyone had been closed, and was now simply a part of Ethan's history; and it had been, for a while. Victoria inquired if he was still using cocaine, to which he honestly responded that he was not. He explained to her once more, that this had simply been to put his mind at ease over what this substance which had torn Marcel away from him had felt like. She replied that she understood, and the topic was closed. The two continued to talk, with Ethan now out of bed and in the kitchen making a coffee. He struggled to bring himself to be more alert. The dosage he had taken the night before had been a lesser strength than the previous day, however, traces of it still lingered in his system. As their conversation came to a close, they told each other that they loved one another, and the call was ended. Ethan stepped outside with his coffee, and lit a cigarette. The sun burned as it shone into Ethan's eyes. Where once Ethan could have seen the beauty of the morning sun, now, it was nearly blinding. He was not right, and he knew this. Something was very wrong with him, and all of the narcotics in the world would not help him. They would only delay the inevitable realisation reality, and made time pass more quickly in the interim. Sipping his coffee, his eyes finally beginning to adjust to the brightness. A new day had indeed begun; the question now, was: what would he do with it?

After facing Kathy, Victoria promptly retreated to her bedroom. Her emotions, a jumbled mess after the experience she just had, created a profound feeling of confusion within her. Since the loss of Dimitri, a large part of Victoria seemed to be missing. She wasn't sure if this was in fact due to Dimitri no longer being a part of her life, or if this feeling was interchangeable. Could it simply be the fact that she did not have a partner any longer, or was this truly a longing for Josh which consumed her? She was unsure what she had been seeking going to another city to meet a man. Was she seeking a new love, to fill this void which she now felt? Had she been in search of proof that no man could stand up to Dimitri? So many questions, all with seemingly no answer. Did any of this even matter? Looking around her room, it almost seemed different from when she had left. It was a very strange sensation indeed. Everything, exactly in its place, just as it has always been. Somehow, however, everything seemed different. Her mobile phone, resting on the side table next to the bed would once be sounding frequently with text messages from Dimitri, now rested as before, but silent. Her clothes, neatly hanging in her closet didn't seem to call to her as they had before. She had always taken such care to pick the perfect outfit for each time she saw Dimitri. There was no no reason to choose such an ensemble. There had been so many men since her engagement to Philippe had ended, she had never had much of an opportunity to feel alone. In fact, for quite a while, the situation was the complete opposite: which man to choose? Now, however, the tide had truly turned for her, and it was time to rediscover the person which should matter most to her: herself.

Ethan found himself atop the cliffs; a familiar and comforting setting. He could not believe the beauty of the scenery surrounding him. The water, sparkling in the sunlight as a soft breeze blew over it. This was the first time in months that he had been able to see the good in anything. His world had been a very dark place, one which he had great difficulty escaping from. It was incredible how something as simple as the majesty of nature on a summer's day, could cause this mood to lift, even temporarily. His head now fully cleared from the fog which had consumed him for the previous few days, he was able to absorb and enjoy all that his senses were experiencing. A group of sailboats were passing, making their way west toward downtown and the many harbours there. The sun still somewhat high in the sky, was slowly making its way downward, preparing to bring another day to a close. The gardens in the park, in full bloom, filled the air with a heavenly scent that both relaxed and invigorated. Ethan still found his body feeling quite weak, from what he had put it through recently. Taking one last look at the scene before him, Ethan turned around, and began to walk home. As he walked along, he noticed a vibration in his pocket. Glancing at the screen of his phone, he could not believe what he saw. A number he knew above all others; Marcel's.

Staring blankly for a moment, Ethan struggled with his thoughts on whether he should answer the call or not. It had been months since he had any contact with Marcel. What could he possibly want? Taking another draw from his cigarette, Ethan could not help but answer. The voice on the other end of the line was so familiar, so comforting, it spoke not only in words, but in a language that only Ethan's heart could possibly understand. Marcel stated his intentions clearly, telling Ethan how his mind had been unable to let go of memories and conversations they had in the past. Ethan stood nearly frozen as he tried his best to process what he was hearing. Marcel continued and began to describe the empty feeling he felt inside without Ethan. Ethan could relate, in so many ways, though he would never dare admit that to Marcel. He had to be strong in this; he had to show that he had been able to move forward after a relationship which had ended much like a bad made-for-television movie. It was a lie; a complete fabrication to hide the truth which would expose Ethan's vulnerability. "I haven't been able to date anyone since you, it wouldn't have felt right" Marcel said. "I've been with men, strictly physically, but I cannot bring myself to try to feel anything for someone else when I still love you". Ethan remained silent listening to this. What message was it that Marcel was trying to send? Why bring up other men he had been involved with sexually? Was this an attempt to see if Ethan would grow jealous? Was he trying to break down the walls which were clearly surrounding Ethan? Marcel began to describe in grand detail how much he had changed since the last time the two spoke. He tried his best to create vivid memories of the way he had been when they first met, hoping Ethan would remember how perfect they had been together, and open up to him. To this point, Ethan had not even said a single word. He had been missing Marcel like mad recently, and should be overjoyed that Marcel had finally contacted him. If this was so, why did everything feel wrong?

"Marcel, I loved you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I don't know if I will ever feel that kind of love with anyone again" Ethan said. He continued: "The vision I have in my mind of the partner I want to share a life with, is drastically different from what I experienced with you. I have seen so many versions of you, I don't even know which one is 'you' at this point. I need a relationship that is stable, and comforting; a partner that will always be by my side. I want to marry someone that when I wake up every morning excited to be next to him, not dreading what news I will receive that day". There was a long pause after Ethan finished saying his piece.

After waiting several moments, Marcel replied to Ethan's feelings: "It hurts me to hear you say that you don't know who I am, but I can't blame you, there have been times I didn't know who I was either. Baby, you need to understand that I am back to myself now, and want to make things right. I want to be that husband you described; I love you".

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Ethan and Marcel find themselves talking all through the night. Will this pave the way to a reconciliation, or a final closure? Also: Victoria meets someone new! Could there be potential?

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-05-19T13:00:00.002-04:00

Ethan tried to build up the motivation to get out of bed, as his mind struggled to break through the fog which currently consumed it. His muscles ached, which seemed suitable considering his state. Now having been in his bed nearly twenty four hours, only leaving once to take another dose of his concoction, time had passed quickly. Unfortunately, without any activity, his body was suffering. Finally managing to get his feet on the floor, Ethan moved toward the kitchen in a trance-like state. Ethan had an extreme sensation of thirst, however, he was not in any way hungry. This was strange given how long it had been since he had eaten. Filling a glass with water, he returned to his bedroom, and noticed that his phone was once again flashing. As he dialled into his voicemail, he was greeted with three new messages from Victoria's sister. One was from the previous night, and the other two were very early in the morning. Victoria was still missing. A knot quickly formed inside his stomach, as he thought back to the previous evening. He had received one message already, and had taken no action. He had simply escaped once again into his fog of comfort, and guilt was beginning to consume him. What if something terrible had happened to Victoria? What if she were in trouble? What if Ethan had thrown away his only opportunity to help her, and now it was too late? Picking up the phone, Ethan dialled Victoria's sister. He needed to know more, and hoped she would still be home. As the phone rang, he waited anxiously, for whatever news he was about to receive.

Pouring two cups of coffee, Isabella was absolutely beaming. The previous night, could not have been more perfect. It were as if she were living some sort of romance novel, from the romantic dinner, to the intimacy which followed when they had arrived back home. With Gary now in the shower, she began to cook breakfast waiting for him to come join her. Their passion, it seemed, was not only still alive, but it appeared to be stronger than ever on both sides. The connection between them was very strong, and Isabella could not help but feel optimistic about their future. The sudden return of Gary to her life had effectively extinguished the constant worry in her stomach for Stephanie. For now, even for a brief moment in time, she was living life for herself. Focusing on her happiness, she had found a new passion for life, and was absolutely thrilled at the thought that perhaps, things were beginning to turn around for her. It had been a very long road with Stephanie, and although she wanted more than anything to hear something; anything, for now she would be able to use this time to get her life in order. As she placed the eggs and bacon onto plates, Gary walked into the kitchen, still in a towel. She looked at him, and could not help but smile. She was content, and there would be no hiding her extreme sense of emotion. Walking up to Isabella, Gary placed his arms around her, pulling her in for a long embrace. As the two pulled back, they both began to stare deeply into each other's eyes. Leaning inward, Gary pressed his lips to Isabella's, both feeling the passion. With breakfast still sitting on the table getting cold, Gary picked Isabella up, carrying her in his arms, once again returning to the bedroom.

Ethan hurriedly placed his phone back in the cradle, and frantically searched for his mobile phone. He could not remember where he had left it. Victoria's sister, Kathy, had given him some very concerning news. She had been gone, now into the second day, with all calls and text messages going unanswered. Ethan needed to send her something, he knew she would never ignore a message from him. Finally finding his mobile, he typed a brief message to her, expressing his concern, and asking for her to send him something; anything, so that he would know that she was alright. He sat on the edge of his bed, with his mobile in his hand staring at it, and hoping that any moment, it would ring in response. As minutes passed, his anxiety level began to grow. Images of Victoria in trouble flashed through his mind, and he feared the worst. This woman, more like a sister than a friend to him, was someone he could not afford to lose. He cared so much for her, and his selfish actions the past couple of weeks began to surround him in a shroud of guilt. He had been so busy with the drugs, with seeking an answer to a part of his life that no longer mattered, that he had completely neglected the people and things which mattered most in his life. If something had happened to her, he would never be able to forgive himself. Perhaps there wouldn't have been anything he could have done to help her, but regardless, he had chosen a self induced catatonic state over even trying to reach her. What did this say about him? Had he really fallen so far, that he could only find peace indifference? Was he really so self absorbed, that he would not even attempt to try to help a friend in need? These questions, this guilt, all were so overwhelming. And as the minutes continued to pass by, there was still no response from Victoria. Strangely, and almost contradictory to these feelings of guilt inside of him; Ethan's desire was to return into his fog.

Isabella sat with the girls at work as was routine for their lunch hour. Instead of the usual circular updates, each woman spilling a small bit of news about their lives, today the conversation was almost entirely focused on Isabella. Isabella was radiant, beaming even, and the joy she felt inside was something she simply could not conceal. After months of being alone, and believing what she and Gary had shared had met its end, once again she had rested in his embrace and felt alive. Making love to him, feeling his passion and fire for her, had allowed her to feel contentment. She had become so consumed with Stephanie the past month, that she had neglected something very important: herself. She wondered to herself: if Gary hadn't come back into her life, would she have ever been able to begin caring for herself again? There had been nothing in her life recently to bring about any positive emotion. She had been incapable of creating any for herself, as each waking moment had been focused on worrying about Stephanie. To this very moment, she still had not received any news about her daughter. As ashamed as she was to think it, Isabella almost hoped that perhaps her daughter had left Toronto, perhaps even the province, and gone elsewhere to start a new life. The thought of Stephanie remaining in Toronto spending her days in a drugged state, prostituting herself to be able to afford the upkeep of her habit, was a far worse image. Inevitably, the outcome of her being local would likely lead to her again turning to Isabella for financial support. This would be a bridge that she would cross when the time came. She was not prepared to lose Gary again, nor was she prepared to watch Stephanie fade away. For now, she would do her best to enjoy her rekindled romance. It was indeed more than she could ever have hoped for.

With the sun now shining it's last rays of light for the day, Ethan sat on the front steps of his home, having a cigarette. It had been several hours since his text message to Victoria, and still, there had been no response. He had tried to call her, and had received an automated message that the phone was not currently in service. Eithan trembled as he thought of all the various things which could have happened to Victoria. He loved her as his own sister, and the thought of losing her was proving too much to bear. Entering the house, Ethan made his way toward the washroom, and the medicine chest. Looking up into the mirror, Ethan noticed the glazed and glossy appearance of his eyes. They appeared lifeless. Taking out several bottles, Ethan began mixing compounds together. He could not deal with this helpless feeling. He could not deal with the emptiness still left behind by Marcel. He could not deal with the feelings of failure, noting that his life was nowhere near where he once imaged it would be. He had to escape, it was the only option at this point. He would again return to his fog of comfort, where the pain he felt while awake ceased to exist. Swallowing his concoction and brushing his teeth, Ethan returned to his bed. He could see the last of the glow outside of the window, as the sun had now almost completely set. As he lay in bed, tears began to roll down Ethan's face. He was lost in a wave of emotion which was nearly consuming. Memories of his last visit to London ran through his mind. He and Victoria laying on the sofa, laughing so hard both were in tears; their walk to the store shortly after, both in pyjamas and looking ridiculous. The tears slowly began to subside, as Ethan began to smile, remembering those moments. The thoughts began to slow down, as did Eithan's breathing. His body began to feel heavy, as if he were sinking into the mattress. With each breath, Eithan sank further into unconsciousness. His escape had come.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: News arrives regarding Victoria. Also: Eithan's world is turned upside down, as a previous cast member returns!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-04-07T13:00:00.006-04:00

Isabella glanced at the clock wishing so badly that the hands would move more rapidly. She was finding it nearly impossible to focus on her work, as her mind wandered back to Gary just as quickly as she attempted to regain her focus. Their relationship, a textbook example of what love and simplicity could be, had ended in an explosion which had left Isabella feeling both empty and stunned. She had easily been able to banish the thoughts of Gary, with all of the struggles she had been having both financially and with her daughter. Now, after hearing from him, it were as if a flood gate had been opened allowing all of the emotions and memories to come rushing back to her. Tonight would prove to her, once and for all, whether they could possibly reconcile. The very issue which ultimately led to the end of their relationship, was still very much present: Stephanie. Although, for now, she was not directly in the picture, all of that could change with a simple phone call or the ring of the doorbell. Isabella and Gary would never be able to live together, so long as Stephanie would be living with Isabella, even intermittently. Still, Isabella felt that if there were some way for Gary to understand that Stephanie and the issues that come along with her were strictly her issue, they may be able to put that behind them. Things were becoming increasingly difficult with Stephanie recently. Isabella knew that one day she would be greeted with either a call that her daughter was dead, or her daughter at her door asking for money. The sheer anxiety of this would certainly be affecting Isabella's demeanor. She could only hope, that seeing Gary tonight, she would be able to be herself, and remind him of why he fell in love with her in the first place.

The clock next to Ethan's bed read 3:00 PM, and Ethan still lay in his bed, unconscious. He had not awakened now in 10 hours, and his breathing was slow and shallow. His heart rate, well below normal sleeping levels, continued to beat rhythmically. He was exactly where he longed to be: In another state, a different world, and unaware of the pain inside which was so unbearable. Although this was incredibly unhealthy, and certainly not something he would ever recommend to anyone else, Ethan had been careful when mixing up his concoction to calculate it with extreme accuracy. He would be unconscious, and time would simply proceed unnoticed. As Ethan lay there, completely unaware of his surroundings, his phone began to ring. He did not hear it, and eventually the call was transferred to voicemail. Ethan had absolutely no idea the urgency of the awaiting message. His world, collapsing more with each passing day, was becoming increasingly self centred. Ethan was consumed, in every possible way, with his chronic disenchantment of the situations in his life, which seemed impossible to resolve. The void left by Marcel had been filled, albeit briefly, with cocaine: the very substance which Marcel chose over him. Ethan's self esteem had reached an all time low, after having experienced the drug. This substance had been what Marcel had chosen? This brief high had been worth more than the love they had shared? Could it really be possible that this simple stimulant had been more captivating than the love which Ethan had given unconditionally to Marcel? How low this made Ethan feel. If that was how little his love meant to Marcel, if that truly was how little his devotion and passion was valued; what then was Ethan worth?

Isabella nervously entered the restaurant after finishing what had seemed to be an agonisingly long day at work. Glancing around, she spotted Gary sitting toward the back, in a booth next to the wall. Walking anxiously toward him, she was both relieved to see him, and frightened at what may come of this meeting. Nothing at this point was for sure, and their future together was anything but definite. Placing her hand on his shoulder, he eagerly turned around. Standing up in anticipation, Gary pulled Isabella into a long embrace and whispered into her ear how glad he was to see her. As they both sat down at the table, there was a nervous aura present. Isabella so badly wanted things with Gary to resume exactly where they had left off, before he had left her. Gary wanted the same thing. Both of them were completely aware that the same issue which had driven them apart, was still very much a factor: Stephanie. As they both nursed a glass of wine, they began to speak openly about their relationship, and how things had come to this point. Gary made it clear to Isabella that he never had an issue with her, but rather that he could not handle Stephanie's dramatic and sometimes violent outbursts. He also expressed concern that they would never be able to live together, so long as Stephanie was in the picture. Isabella too spoke freely, telling Gary of the recent events which had caused her so much pain. She also informed him of her imminent eviction, and how she feared once she moved, she may never see Stephanie again, as she would have no way to find her mother. Gary listened intently, and told Isabella that she needn't worry about anything, as he would be by her side every step of the way. Isabella, naturally, was skeptical of this, and feared that she may come to rely on Gary to be her strength, only to have him ripped from her life once more. As their meals arrived, the two continued to talk, and for the moment, it seemed as if it may be possible for them to be together again, perhaps forever.

As his eyes slowly opened, Ethan found himself feeling extremely disoriented. For a moment, he thought he was in his bed at the estate in the country. Rolling to the right to get out of bed, Ethan's body hit the wall. He was not at the estate, he was in his own bed, in Toronto, which meant rolling the other way. His vision, very blurred, slowly began to come into focus. As he stepped out of the bed, he became quite dizzy, as he struggled to walk toward the bedroom door. Staggering down the hallway toward the washroom, Ethan was in a trance. Not asleep, yet not alert either. Glancing into the mirror, Ethan's eyes appeared bruised from the abuse his body had sustained. Lack of nutrition, high doses of drugs both illegal and self-concocted, were beginning to take a very visible toll. Making his way back to his bedroom, Ethan noticed the voicemail light flashing on his phone. Listening to the message, he was met with a very anxious voice. It was Victoria's sister. Victoria had gone out for the day, and had not returned. All calls had gone unanswered, and all text messages had lacked a reply. Ethan began to fear for his best friend, but was in no state to return the call to her sister. Once again returning to the washroom, Ethan went into his medicine cabinet and again began to mix compounds into another infamous creation. He could not deal with the thoughts, or the worry. If he were to lose Victoria, he would have lost the one person that means anything to him. Had he been thinking clearly, he would be trying to do anything to find her whereabouts. In this condition, all he wanted to do, was return to that sedated state where the world and all of its cruelties, didn't exist. After consuming his creation, Ethan returned to his bed, and awaited his return to unconsciousness.

Walking toward Isabella's tram line, Gary held Isabella's hand. The dinner had gone exceptionally well, and love certainly had not faded between them. They could not ignore the passion they felt for one another any longer, and would move forward in their lives as one, no matter how difficult this would prove to be. The magic of downtown proved to be the perfect backdrop for this evening. The lights, the people, the vibrant life which surrounded them, seemed to echo the renewed sense of vitality being together had created. Isabella, dare she admit it, felt happy. Deep down, there was a certain doubt of what would happen when Stephanie inevitably would return into her life, but for now, she had exactly what she needed. She had someone to love, and who would love her. It was hard for her to imagine anything being able to destroy this perfection which she felt in this moment. Still, she could not help but think back to a conversation she had with Ethan during the collapse of his relationship with Marcel. She had told him to be cautious when returning into the relationship for another go, and that she had learned the second time around is often worse than the first time. This was different though, she told herself. Gary had come to realise that what had occurred was an issue with Stephanie, and not an issue with Isabella or the love they shared. As they waited now at the tram stop, Isabella stared deeply into Gary's eyes, and the two shared a kiss. This was it, she thought, her chance at happiness. She was ready for her life to finally begin following a more positive track. With that thought, the tram rolled into the stop, and the two boarded. She would have plenty of time this evening for reassurance, Gary was coming home with her.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Victoria's circumstance becomes increasingly strange, causing great anxiety for everyone. Also: Isabella finally begins to feel alive!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-23T14:56:00.004-04:00

Another night had passed, and a new day was breaking. Victoria lay in her bed, chatting on her computer as she had been doing all night. She had come to the realisation, that the only way she would be able to rid herself of these feelings of loneliness, and this constant longing for Dimitri, would be to have alternative distractions. She had once again signed in to the website where she had met both Dimitri and James. Surely there would be other men out there who would be interested in her. Victoria had decided that she would no longer be seeking something permanent or serious, at least for the time being. She did, however, need something. She needed something more than the silence which seemed to surround her now that she and Dimitri were no longer. Searching through profiles, she had found a couple of men whom she might be interested to at least know. One of these men, had shown a keen interest in getting to know Victoria, and they had been lost in conversation throughout the night. They talked about their common interests, their goals in life, and what they were both looking for. This man was also not looking for anything serious, but rather something casual. Victoria could hardly believe that they had been talking for so many hours, but yet she found herself intrigued and unable to stop. He was not overly attractive, though certainly not hideous. He was average, at best, with a personality to match. This was precisely what Victoria believed she needed. Someone who was desirable enough that she could find companionship, yet not so attractive that she would once again fall in love.

Ethan climbed into his bed, after having been up all night as well. In his pants pocket, rested an empty bag which was once full. He had exhausted his most recent drug supply. Looking back at the previous days, Ethan wasn't even sure that he regretted any of it. Though a considerable disappointment to what he had expected, the drugs had certainly taken the edge off of his emotions and given him a sense of well being. This would not be able to continue, however, due to the fact that he had needed to sink even further into debt to simply try this experiment. To continue this expensive lifestyle, at a time when he had no income, would be disastrous. He worried about what he would do now, to deal with all these stresses which were closing ever inward around him. His days had been filled with anxiety and with a strange longing for Marcel against all logic, and his dreams were tortured. When a nightmare consumes both awake and resting times, in what could he find comfort and rest? Things in his life required drastic and express action, but somehow, Ethan could not seem to find the strength to focus on the things that really mattered. He was slowly, and certainly not deliberately, driving himself mad. The void left by Marcel was growing, rather than healing. Beyond the longing to still have the love they once shared, was the logic that it would never be possible. Ethan knew that even if he and Marcel were to attempt a reconciliation, the end result would be the same. Still, somehow, he could not help himself. These thoughts and emotions were uncontrollable. His mind finally began to slow down as he grew extremely fatigued from lack of rest, and he gradually drifted away.

Victoria was careful not to make any noise as she closed the apartment door, not wanting to wake her sister. On her shoulder, a bag containing some basic necessities. She did not have to work for two days, and was determined to do something, anything, to add some zest to her life. On the kitchen table, lay a note for her sister to find when she awoke. "Gone out" it read. As Victoria walked to the bus stop, she could not believe what she was doing. To be going to meet a man she had only chatted with for a few hours was very dangerous, but for some reason, she just needed to. The chance to feel attractive, desired, and perhaps even the chance to be intimate was intoxicating. She would leave London for the day, and venture to another city, to meet a man she barely knew. This was exhilarating, exciting, and terrifying all at once. What if she met this man and found herself in distress? She would be in another city. No one knew where she was going, although this was part of the excitement. She was doing as she pleased, with no strings attached, and not needing to be accountable to anyone. It was freedom from her ties in London, freedom from her work routine, and she hoped it would also be freedom from the ever present thoughts of Dimitri. The bus pulled in to her stop and Victoria eagerly stepped on. She was heading downtown, and she would then catch a train out of the city. As the bus rolled along, Victoria watch the city passing her by. Very soon, this would all be a memory, even if only for a day.

Ethan awoke after only a few hours. The bright sunshine was shining in through his window, and he found himself no longer feeling tired. Ethan was nowhere near ready to face another lonely day filled with tortured thoughts, and an empty soul. The use of the drugs had masked these emotions quite effectively, but this was something he could no longer rely on. He did not want to form a dependency on this, nor could he afford it. Walking to the kitchen, Ethan's head was spinning, as his body struggled to become fully alert and functional after the extensive abuse it had sustained. Sipping on a glass of water, Ethan walked into the washroom and looked into the mirror. His reflection had bold dark circles under both eyes, and a pale complexion. This was not the look of health and radiance that Ethan was used to seeing. His exterior, was clearly mirroring what he felt inside. This was all too much to absorb, and Ethanbegan to feel extremely overwhelmed. He had fallen, and was continuing to fall, and he did not see any clear way to get out of this. It were as if his life were speeding down a track toward a fatal end, and he had already begun to die. He had begun to die inside, and from the look of this person staring back at him from within the mirror, his body too was following suit. He needed to escape this until a time he felt stronger; he simply could not bring himself to face this now. Opening the medicine cabinet, Ethan glanced at the unmarked bottles of pills he had therein. He had sedatives, narcotics, anything one could imagine, and was an expert at creating his own concoctions to deliver the desired effects. What he needed now, was for his mind to slow, and for him to be able to sleep more. Being conscious, in this moment, was a fate even worse than death for Ethan. Preparing a mixture of various things, Ethan consumed his creation, and made his way back to bed. It would only be a matter of minutes until he would be able to drift into a place where none of this existed.

Victoria sat aboard the train, her eyes blankly staring out the window. The southern Ontario countryside rolled by, taking her ever further away from London. In reality, she was only travelling just over 100 kilometres, but in her mind it was freedom. With each metre that passed, she was further away from Dimitri. All of the things in London which recently had been leading her to feel so empty, were at a distance now. Even Ethan was further away. She did not know what to think of how the previous week had unfolded. The abrupt and seemingly unexplainable end of her relationship, and the drastic and sudden downfall of Ethan. She had lost the man she loved, and her biggest fear now, was that she was losing her best friend too. It were as if Ethan were a stranger, the voice she had heard the night before had not been his on the other end of the line. He had become unreliable, and did not call when he said he would. She began to see how Ethan must of felt after the way things had collapsed between he and Marcel; for indeed, it seemed she were losing Ethan to cocaine the same way he had lost Marcel. An announcement sounded on the speaker for the next station, which brought Victoria out of her deep thought. She became almost frustrated with herself, having left London to get away from these nagging thoughts, and having quickly become immersed in them again. As the server with the cart came through the aisle, Victoria purchased a coffee, and tried to relax as she leaned back in her seat. Blocking out all thoughts which were trying to surface, she began to get a nervous feeling. In less than thirty minutes, she would be stepping off this train, and meeting a total stranger.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Victoria's family and Ethan become concerned when Victoria goes missing. Also: It's a big night for Isabella and Gary, as they try to rekindle their flame!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-20T15:04:00.005-04:00

The sun struggled to rise behind the heavy cloud cover remaining from the cold front which had passed through overnight. Ethan again found himself at the park atop the cliffs looking outward at the frigid lake. This place, high above the toiling waters below had become a regular spot for Ethan. There was something so comforting, and so relaxing about this park. Ethan hadn't even bothered to go home the night before. After receiving the reply from Marcel, his mind had began to spin. The reply was so cold, although it seemed to match the demeanor of the message Ethan had sent a week prior. What had taken so long to reply? It had been a week since Ethan had messaged Marcel. Did the message simply go overlooked for a week? This was unlikely. Perhaps Marcel had not been sure how to reply to this message. Ethan was thoroughly confused on many levels. This man, a man he once loved on a par with life itself, had caused Ethan so much anguish. Why did Ethan now want to reconcile with Marcel? Was that even really what he wanted? He had told himself after their relationship had finally crumbled for the last time, that no matter what, they could never try again. They had tried so many times, and each time, they were met with an epic failure. Without Marcel, however, something seemed to be missing from Ethan's life. What was he to do when nothing made sense? Nothing. He would do nothing. He had sent that message to Marcel while highly intoxicated, and Marcel had replied. There was nothing left to say.

Isabella hurriedly tried to get dressed and ready for work. She had overslept, and now, found herself running significantly behind schedule. Recently, she had done a complete reversal with regard to her sleeping habits. From absolute sleep deprivation back when the episode with Stephanie was unfolding, she now was sleeping far more than she really needed to. It would seem justifiable to blame this on a bout of depression. She had not seen or heard from her daughter now in over a week, and had no idea of her whereabouts. Their last contact, such a violent explosion, had left Isabella very seriously broken inside. This girl, one she brought into this world, so consumed by drugs and enraged, that she threatened to kill her own mother. Isabella felt somewhat responsible even for this latest round of issues with her daughter. Had she not called the police, Stephanie would not have run away and gone into hiding. She would likely still be at home, and Isabella would know what was going on. Realistically, however, did Isabella have a choice that night? Her daughter, lunging toward her with a knife in her hand and dull lifeless eyes. She was not in her sound mind, and would have been capable of everything, including the execution of her threats. Isabella was aware that by calling the police, she likely had saved her own life. But at what cost? Stephanie was now on her own, likely in the cold somewhere, possibly resorting to prostitution again to support her drug addiction. She had done this in the past, and there was a strong chance that without funding from Isabella, she would do whatever was necessary to keep her habits. As Isabella put the finishing touches on her hair, she walked to the front door and put on her coat. It was time to clear her head, and get her mind settled. As she left the house and walked to the tram stop, she was determined to rid herself of these worries circling her mind, and to prepare to focus for another day at work.

As the day wore on, Ethan could not bring himself to stop thinking about and analyzing Marcel's response. With the bag Gavin had left him with now empty, Ethan was being forced to face this situation without the blurred veil the drugs had provided. Without any sleep, and having crashed hours ago from the high he had been on, Ethan found this to be extremely overwhelming. Logging into his computer, Ethan decided what he would do. Although the quality had not been what it should have been, the cocaine he had purchased from the man two nights ago had provided a modest boost to the alcohol. Ethan was not looking to do this on a regular basis, however, in his current state of mind, he was not quite ready to close this chapter. He needed relief, and he needed it now. As he feverishly searched through the profiles in the chat room, he was relieved to find that the man was once again online. Without even stopping to reconsider, Ethan messaged the man, and asked him if they could meet for another exchange. Surprisingly, the man responded almost instantly, and was more than happy to meet. They agreed to meet in an hour's time at a suburban subway station. This would be quite different from before, with it having been on the corner of the busiest intersection in the city. Ethan knew what he was doing was wrong, and that it completely went against everything he'd ever believed in. Something was drawing him to continue this lifestyle for another day. Perhaps he wanted to be more like Marcel, or maybe he was simply too weak emotionally to face the current blizzard of thoughts consuming him. In either case, there would be no turning back now. He would have to go through with his plan, and hopefully, regain his composure afterward. Stopping for a quick shower, and to change his clothes, Ethan left his apartment, and began to make his way to the meeting place.

Isabella left the office tower completely exhausted. The more sleep she seemed to get lately, the more tired she became. Something was definitely wrong with her. This was not to be unexpected, after what she had been through recently. As bad as the dramatic events with Stephanie had been, it was far easier than fighting the questions and unknowns which plagued her now. Her daughter could be anywhere; her daughter could be dead. There would be no way for her to be contacted if something did happen to Stephanie. All of her identification had been stolen during the incident, and had not been replaced. As per routine, Isabella took her mobile phone out, and called her land line to check for any new messages. She had become quite used to calling and receiving nothing, but today, something was different. There was a new message! Could it be Stephanie calling? Would she finally have the peace of mind she so badly needed? As she anxiously pushed the buttons to listen to the message, she was fully shocked at the voice she would hear therein:

"Isabella, it's Gary. Look, I have been thinking a lot about you lately, and I have to tell you I made a huge mistake. I should never have left you after the difficulties with Stephanie started. I felt like it was just too much for me to handle, and I didn't want to get involved. But in losing the stress of the issues with your daughter, I lost something far more important. I lost you. I would understand if you never reply to this message, but I needed to let you know that I miss you, and I love you. I would love to be yours again if you'll still have me. I love you, Isabella."

Ethan walked down Sheppard Avenue, parallel to the subway line. He found a dark corner in a vacant school yard adjacent to the street. As he had done so many times the last few days, he poured a line on the back of his hand, and prepared to have this uneasy feeling in his stomach vanish. In his other hand, he carried a water bottle. The bottle, filled with vodka, made for a perfect companion to the substance he had just consumed. Resuming his walk, he entered the next subway station he passed, and began to head toward Yonge and Sheppard, the main intersection of central North York. After a brief journey underground, Ethan emerged and went to sit in a park across the street from the subway station entrance. As people walked past, Ethan had a general sense of well being about him. It was not as fun or exciting as it had been the night before with Gavin, but then again, the circumstances were different. Knowing the product he had purchased today was of a lower grade, he had compensated by simply consuming more. Ethan wanted to have fun, and sitting in this park was not providing the entertainment he needed. He knew Toronto well, all parts of the city, and a few subway stations south, a friend of his was hosting a karaoke night at a bar. This was exactly what Ethan needed. As he finished the last of his vodka, he discarded the bottle, and again entered the subway network. The train was strangely empty for this time on a Friday night. Ethan was beginning to feel the crash from his first rail, and was in desperate need of a pick me up. Turning his body on an angle, so he faced the window, Ethan poured himself another line on his hand, and just that quickly, he would get that feeling of ease back. Completely oblivious to how far he was falling, and how quickly, Ethan sat in a false sense of bliss as the train sped through tunnel.

Next week on Beyond What Divides Us: Marcel is back in a more major role, which sends Ethan into a whirlwind of confusion. Will he be able to get himself back on track before it's too late? Isabella and Gary rekindle their romance, but will it last? Also: Tensions rise when Victoria disappears!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-19T15:25:00.001-04:00

Ethan wrapped his arms around Gavin in a warm embrace as the two greeted one another. Gavin commented on the wind, and how drastically the temperature was falling. Ethan agreed and the two began to make their way toward the infamous Church street strip. As Gavin continued with the small talk, Ethan replied almost automatically, though in his mind, he simply wanted to get things going. As much as Ethan was glad to see Gavin, he had little interest in catching up. Ethan's thoughts were completely preoccupied with the task which he was anxiously awaiting to complete. As they arrived at the first bar, Gavin proceeded directly to the washroom, and Ethan followed in anticipation. As they did a brief exchange, Ethan nervously placed the compound on the top of his hand. Looking at each other, both took the substance inside them, and Ethan could tell immediately that it was different from the night before. This was so smooth, and did not burn whatsoever. Within thirty seconds, his pulse began to increase, and his body temperature rose. Having already ingested alcohol, he was more than prepared for whatever sensations were about to come. As the two left the washroom, they walked toward the bar and ordered drinks. This was it, Ethan thought to himself, this is what it's like.

Victoria sat at her evening job, trying her best to remain focused. Her computer, having broken earlier in the day, was not there to entertain her. The man she was caring for, was fast asleep, and she had nothing to do but remain close in case he should be come disoriented or require her assistance. Her thoughts were somewhat fused, as both her longing for Dimitri and concern for Ethan formed together causing great anxiety. Here she was, alone, with no one to talk to. This was not like Victoria. When she had been with Dimitri, he had always been in contact with her, and recently, she and Ethan had been talking more also. Ethan was struggling to fight his feelings for Marcel, and many times, he and Victoria would simply lay and talk on the phone about their mutual battles against emotions they no longer wanted to feel, but were seemingly unable to stop. Victoria stood up, and walked into the bedroom where her patient lay sleeping. This elderly man, terminally ill, and suffering from dementia, making his life obviously close to its end. In a strange way, Victoria almost felt envious of the man. It was a very strange sensation for her to feel this way, envious of a man who was so close to his ending. Victoria didn't want to die, certainly not, but she did envy the fact that this man, although experiencing extreme agony, would not have to suffer much longer. Was the same true for her? Would she eventually be able to move on past Dimitri, past the feeling of emptiness, and find meaning to her life again? Would she somehow be able to bury herself in a feeling of perpetual indifference, and none of this would matter? She obviously would prefer the first option, but how? How does one truly move on? She had never been able to do it with Philippe either, she had simply tried to replace him.

Ethan and Gavin made their way from bar to bar, each time only stopping in for a brief appearance, a couple of drinks, and a trip to the washroom to "top up". Ethan, still disappointed in what he was experiencing, did notice a strong contrast to the experience the night before. This substance was much stronger, and pure, and it made him feel energetic and as if nothing in the world mattered. It was not the blast of euphoria that some had described it as, but he did know that nothing hurt inside anymore. His worries, cares, fears, all cast aside under the disguise of this white powder. Ethan could see how once in a while, this could be a nice enhancement to an evening out, but he could not understand how or why someone would become dependent on cocaine, or choose it over what he and Marcel had shared together. It was alright, fun even, but nothing spectacular. Ethan decided to put these thoughts to rest, and to try to really focus on the time he was spending with Gavin. The bar they had arrived at, had one of those internal trivia machines where you play against other patrons on the television screen. Ethan and Gavin both enjoyed this game, and were playing. It was the strangest thing; Ethan was having fun. It had been a long time since Ethan had been able to say that, but here on this night, it was the truth. With another trip to the washroom, Ethan and Gavin left to go to one last bar before Gavin had to return home.

Pressing the phone to her ear, Victoria hoped that Ethan would answer the phone. "Hello?" a very upbeat voice said upon answering. It was Ethan! She could not believe how upbeat he sounded! Victoria asked him where he was, because there was a lot of background noise. Ethan explained to her about having been out with Gavin, and that he had decided to stay downtown for a while after Gavin had left to go home. Victoria could not believe this voice she was hearing. It was Ethan's voice, but the intonation and personality were wrong. She asked Ethan if he was under the influence, and Ethan answered honestly. Victoria was both concerned and relieved to hear Ethan. She knew now that he was safe, but she could hear that he was clearly enjoying himself in this state. What if he were at the beginnings of an addiction? She did her best to kindly express her fears to Ethan, but he would not hear of it. He replied with laughter, and telling her that she should lighten up. He was feeling great, and although it was not something which would be sustainable, for this moment, he felt as though nothing were wrong. Victoria stayed mostly quiet, as she tried to absorb what she was hearing on the other end of the line. She so badly wanted to hear Ethan happy, and it were almost as if he were. She knew, however, as well as he did, that this was not happy. This was simply a mask, and underneath, the same pain and torment was thriving. As soon as this "high" had worn off, Ethan would be slapped with reality, and have to face the same pains which existed before. She only hoped, that Ethan would not seek long term comfort in this drug simply to escape the ghosts which remained, waiting for a chance to surface.

Ethan walked the Church street strip alone after ending the call with Victoria. He was still heavily under the influence, and he was not ready to go home and bring this night to a close. Stepping into a parkette off the main drag, Ethan pulled the small envelope from his pocket and again topped himself up. It would be wonderful if Ethan could look back at this night, and have regrets, and accept that it was a mistake. But for some reason, he was not able to do so. For Ethan, he felt like he was getting even with Marcel for the pain and torment he had caused, while at the same time, suppressing his own demons which were still eating away at him underneath. Realistically, he was causing more harm than good with this episode, since funds were nearly non-existent, and he had needed to borrow from his credit card to fund this outing. He was creating more pain down the road to fund a brief break in his pain. He had, now, completed what he had set out to do. He had felt exactly what Marcel had felt. He could, in essence, understand what Marcel was experiencing when he made his decision. What Ethan still could not comprehend, is how this mediocre feeling, simply a sense that things were alright, could have been superior to Marcel to the love they had shared. For Ethan, he had felt this same feeling of calm and optimism simply by hearing Marcel's moment, or relishing in the love that they shared. At that moment, Ethan's mobile phone began to vibrate. Assuming it was Victoria again, Ethan eagerly took his phone out of his pocket. It was not Victoria, in fact, it was not a call at all. It was a text message, from Marcel!

"Hi Ethan, thanks for the attention for my birthday. It was very considerate of you".

Ethan's body tensed up all at once, and he almost seemed frozen. He did not know what to think, or how to react to this. And he certainly was in no condition to deal with this. Reaching into his pocket, Ethan brought out the small bag Gavin had left him with. Forming a rail on the top of his hand, Ethan was able to in one snort, get rid of this anxiety, albeit only for a few minutes.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: The reply from Marcel throws Ethan emotions further into confusion, and could love be on the way for Isabella?

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-17T13:00:00.002-04:00

Awaking mid-morning, Ethan began to cough uncontrollably. His body, showing clear signs of abuse, struggled to become mobile. Ethan's memories of the night before were heavily blurred, and he struggled to recount everything that had happened. It was strange, the most mundane things seemed as if he had done them for the first time. Waiting for the overnight "blue night" bus, the walk home afterward from the nearest 24 hour bus stop. He had been in some kind of whimsical trance, and it was all so surreal. Looking back though, it seemed as though the alcohol was mostly to blame. Nothing seemed overly different from other times when Ethan had consumed a larger than healthy amount. The night before, he drank as he had not drank in so long. Before this adventure had begun, Ethan had visions of him the day afterward, feeling so reassured and having a sense of understanding. He had hoped that this experiment would have cleared up all of the confusion he had about the downfall of his relationship with Marcel. It had not. With the cocaine being such a disappointment, he struggled even more now to understand why Marcel had put this drug above the love that had burned so brightly between them. The only justification, as Ethan saw it, was the fact that the substance he had purchased was not pure, and as such, significantly weaker. Marcel had more money that most people could imagine, and no doubt had the purest and most high quality product available. Ethan was going to call Gavin, and arrange to meet. The question still burning inside him had to be answered. Ethan's phone rang, and looking at the screen, he could not bring himself to answer. It was Victoria; how could he face her after what he'd done?

Victoria hung up the phone after receiving no answer when she tried to call Ethan. She found herself feeling highly nervous. Ethan had promised to call her the night before, to let her know that he was alright. He had not. The feeling of being alone, which had plagued her recently, was beginning to grow worse. It was beyond the end of her and Dimitri. She found herself feeling alone all around. Where once she could call Ethan at any time, and receive and answer, now she was met with a voice mail. She knew that this had nothing to do with her. It was clear, that Ethan was beginning a slow decent into madness, and there was little to do to stop him. The most she could do, was try to maintain a sense of normalcy between them, and hope that Ethan would realise sooner, rather than later, how far he was falling. He had to begin getting ready for work in a couple of hours, and was almost glad. She would be working her retail job today. High speed, with a lot of interaction, and endless distractions. Her racing mind was becoming her enemy, and she did not want to think anymore. What she wished for, was a way to coast through this difficult time, in anticipation of the day when this would simply be a period of her life she could laugh at. For now, the situation seemed anything but funny. Her heart longed for Dimitri, and her mind worried for Ethan. Her being seeking a constant companionship, and reality a constant reminder that it wasn't possible now. Victoria reached for her phone, and again dialed Ethan's number. Listening to it ring, she was hoping that any second, he would answer. He didn't.

Ethan danced to his Ipod, as he tried to pick out what to wear. Tonight was going to be incredible. It was going to be just as Marcel had described months ago. Ethan was to meet Gavin at his condo, and the two were going to make their way to the gay village. Clubs, bars, lounges, they were going to do it all. Ethan could envision it now, going from place to place, with not a care in the world. He trusted Gavin, and knew he was about to get the best. On some level, Ethan felt as if he was about to get even with Marcel, even though he would never know of it. This life that Marcel had chosen over a future with Ethan, was not exclusive. Anyone could live this life, and Ethan was about to. All of this was completely against everything Ethan had ever believed was right, however, the need to understand was proving more powerful than the force of his reason. The damage at this point had already been done, his clean record had been shattered the night before. Stepping out of his typical character was almost refreshing. This was a chance to experience something different, explore the extreme, and escape the mundane life he felt he was leading. Ethan was becoming undone, descending slowly into madness. Thinking back at the past twenty four hours, he did not recognize the person he had been. A part of him almost wanted to remain as this new person, it was exciting. But there was this cloud hanging over Ethan, that he could not seem to rid himself of. He and Marcel had fallen apart because Ethan couldn't stand the person Marcel had become. The drugs, the alcohol, the lies... Ethan was indeed becoming someone else. He was becoming Marcel.

Victoria stood at work, trying to focus, and hoping that the distraction of her employment would keep her mind from racing. It was proving ineffective. She was worried about Ethan, now more than ever. She knew Ethan was an independent person, who sometimes, would disappear for a few days when he needed time. He never, though, would do so when he had promised to call. Her shift at this job would be over in an hour, and she would once again try to call Ethan. This was going to be a long evening for Victoria. She would only have enough time after this shift to get home, change, have something to eat, then she would have to leave for her overnight home care job. Victoria thought back to years past, and wondered how things got to this point for her. There was a time, in high school, where she and Ethan both thought their lives were so incredibly complicated. Why couldn't they have simply enjoyed those times? If only they had known what was to come. With each passing day, it felt as if things were becoming closer to being permanently set in their current state. This thought frightened Victoria. She was killing herself, literally, working day and night to keep herself afloat financially. She was dying romantically, with each ending killing her inside a little bit more. Ethan, her best friend, struggling financially too, and so damaged by Marcel that he may never love another again. She felt powerless to help him, and sadly, powerless to help herself too. With her thoughts trying to sort themselves out, she continued to work.

Ethan stood outside the main entrance to Gavin's condo building. Gavin should arrive in any moment, and their evening would begin. The weather had taken a strange turn, with the wind howling and the temperature plunging. It were as if nature was trying to send Ethan some kind of warning. Being downtown, the skyscrapers created a wind tunnel, magnifying the effect. Whether this was a sign, or simply a change in conditions, Ethan was not about to heed any warning. It was full speed ahead with his plan, regardless of any consequences. At this point, he had done too much to turn back. It was all or nothing for him, and he fully planned to see his scheme through to fruition. The bridge had been crossed, and now standing back, Ethan was watching it burn. The once strong man, always leading and never following, had fallen. He was changed, perhaps forever. Love had been a double edged sword for Ethan. He had been able to feel things with Marcel he had never felt before. And now, even months after its ending, he was crumbling. An over active mind, with far too many questions, was pushing him ever deeper into the seemingly endless darkness. For Ethan, this entire situation did not seem to be as bad as it really was. This was simply a time of grieving, a time of exploration, and a time during which he would seek a sense of understanding. For one on the outside looking inward, however, this was a terrifying time which could potentially bring Ethan to his ending. A smile spread across Ethan's face as a familiar figure moved toward him. It was Gavin.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: It's a wild night for Gavin and Ethan, and Victoria becomes increasingly afraid after hearing Ethan while under the influence. Also, Marcel makes an unexpected appearance which accelerates Ethan's downward spiral!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-13T13:00:00.003-04:00

Time is a very strange thing indeed. Most often, as people, we find ourselves wishing we had more of it. There never seems to be enough hours in a day. We struggle going from task to task, only hoping that we have enough time left later to finish something else. Sometimes, however, we find ourselves with too much time. We are forced to stop, and reflect. These times, though often productive, are often the hardest. This was the situation now for Victoria. Normally, at this time, she would be with Dimitri or at least talking with him on the phone. Not tonight. Tonight, for the first time in a long time, she was completely alone, with the only company being found in herself. She sought, somehow, to find a way to blame herself for Dimitri's drastic change in demeanor since they had first met. She could not, on any level, accept that he was simply a bad person, and she had allowed herself to fall for him. For her to have driven him to this point, would mean she made a mistake. If he had simply been a bad person all along, she feared this would make her a fool. With time seeming to stand still, she found herself more able to over analyse the situation. The anger she had felt the day before had now subsided, and she was left with a profound feeling of emptiness. There was something else bothering her, beyond her feelings for Dimitri. She had not heard from Ethan.

Ethan walked through the park in near complete darkness. This was not a park designed for nighttime walks, but rather a daytime venue with baseball diamonds and soccer fields. He had called his friend, and now was simply waiting for his friend's arrival. Ethan sat down on the bleachers behind the baseball diamond, drinking the vodka as quickly as he could. His nerves had yet to recover from the trade which had just occurred downtown. Even now, barely an hour later, he was able to see in hindsight how dangerous and foolish he had been to engage in such behaviour. For once, however, things had worked out favourably. There was only one task left, and that was to try the substance which now rested in his pocket. His friend was still nowhere in sight, and Ethan had an uneasy feeling about him. The alcohol, now beginning to take effect, made him feel insecure. A strange park, in a strange part of the city, in total darkness. Alone. His mind began to race, and thought back to Marcel once more. Their conversation following Marcel's return to cocaine abuse had been very in depth. Every detail had been told to Ethan, and it were as if Ethan were living Marcel's life. How had Ethan fallen so far? A once strong, unbreakable man was now completely shattered. His strength removed, his honour dissolved. He was stooping to a level he had always frowned upon. Ethan's thoughts were interrupted as a voice yelled loudly from behind him: "What do you think you're doing?"

Victoria stepped out of the shower, and plugged in her flat iron. This experience had left her feeling more than just alone or empty, she felt completely unattractive. Dimitri, barely out of the relationship for a few days, was already pursuing this Carmela woman, leaving Victoria feeling used. Her naturally curly hair had gone unkempt for several days, her eyes puffy from lack of sleep and the stream of tears which seemed ever present. It was time to take charge, and make use of this time. It was time for Victoria to focus on herself. Her family and friends always reassured her of her beauty, and at times, she could see it too. But after what had occurred between her and Dimitri recently, it all felt like a lie. She wanted to believe she was beautiful, but was she only lying to herself? Were her friends simply saying that to make her feel better, all the while knowing that she was simply "good enough"? Perhaps this was the reality, and the fantasy of being more than that had met its conclusion. More probable, however, was the fact that she had once again trusted a man, and had that trust broken. Looking back, Dimitri really had not made her feel beautiful, always asking or suggesting some sort of change. Maybe she had never been beautiful to him, or maybe she had. Did it matter? Her emotions now surfacing in full force, were seeking release. Victoria, tired of feeling sorry for herself, was prepared to allow all of these feelings to surface, and to let themselves out; but she would look her best while they did. Pulling the straightening iron along her hair on the last remaining piece, she stared deeply at her reflection. This was not a face of an unattractive woman, no, this was the face of a beautiful woman. A beautiful woman in pain.

Ethan's jumped off of the bleacher with a start, as he realised the voice he had heard was his friend simply being silly. He felt ridiculous now, having played right into the prank. His friend, clearly under the alcohol influence, gave Ethan a hug and sat next to him. Ethan's mood changed from the initial fear of what he was about to do, to an almost eager anticipation. This mood, quickly shifted to one of annoyance, as his friend gave him the same speech that both Gavin and Victoria had given him. They were right, Ethan knew. There was no way to know what the contents of the small bag were. Ethan reassured his friend that he had taken all possible precautions, all the while, knowing he had not. At this point, did it really matter? Does anyone ever really know what they are buying? For Ethan, there was no turning back, it was definitely time. Taking the CD cover his friend had brought, Ethan formed a very generous line. The compound was fine enough to not require any further cutting. Placing a cut straw in his nostril, Ethan was careful to ensure the other was completely closed off. In only a second, the line had disappeared, and was now inside Ethan. A burning sensation ripped through his nose, and down the back of his throat. His friend, had done the same. "This isn't pure, it's cut with something. It's not supposed to burn like that", his friend said. Ethan grew concerned. What had he done? Ethan asked his friend if this was dangerous, to which his friend reassured him it was fine. It was simply not pure, and certainly not worth what Ethan had paid for it. Nonetheless, it did have some effect, and within minutes both were more energetic. This paled in comparison to what Ethan had felt with Marcel.

As the evening wore on, Ethan found himself frequently "topping up", to avoid the inevitable downfall. This was not at all what he had expected. It was not the euphoric feeling he had been told about. In fact, Ethan found himself feeling disappointed. The change over drinking alcohol by itself was there, but not pronounced. He felt so foolish. Why could he not have simply waited for Gavin to return. Gavin had a very reliable source from which purity was guaranteed. Regardless, Ethan was having fun with his friend as the two danced and acted completely free. Visions of Marcel dancing at a nightclub, making frequent trips to the washroom for a quick bump flooded Ethan's mind. He could envision it, as he if he had been there. He could see Marcel living free in the night, with Ethan barely being a passing thought, if that. Was this really something Ethan could have chosen over Marcel and the love they shared? Absolutely not. This wasn't even in the same league as the high he would get simply by hearing Marcel's voice. And when the two would share romantic moments, dream about their future together, or discuss the marriage they wanted, it was so powerful that this couldn't compare. These days were over, now barely a memory, and for now, it was simply Ethan and his friend in the darkness. Ethan did not have the understanding he thought he would have by trying this. In fact, he found himself more confused. Now, having tried it, he began to question himself. Was he really that unimportant to Marcel? Was their love simply meaningless to him? Or, had Marcel's addiction and desire for escape truly been that strong? There was only one way for Ethan to find out. He would need to do cocaine again, and this time, it would be pure. Gavin was returning the next day, and Ethan would accept his offer.

Next week on Beyond What Divides Us: Ethan continues to free fall, as he slowly begins to drive himself mad. Also: Victoria struggles to move forward, as Dimitri once again makes his presence known!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-12T13:00:00.002-04:00

Victoria slammed the lid of the washing machine down furiously, as she tried to distract herself with household chores. She was extremely upset; livid even. The day she had been waiting for had arrived, and blown through like a violent storm. She had been hoping, and praying, that Dimitri would contact her. Indeed, he did. His message, however, had not been a reconciliation offer. Instead, Victoria had been met with a message designed only to help clear Dimitri's conscience of the pain he had caused her. He had simply said that he knew what type of person he was, and that he hoped she didn't hate him. When she had replied back that she was truly hurt by everything that had happened, Dimitri said something which took the pain to a deeper level. He replied, stating that with her angry with him, it would make things easier to pursue Carmela. Victoria did not know who Carmela was, however, the fact he was already after another woman both devastated and infuriated her. The rage had begin to boil within her, and without stopping to censor herself, she had replied telling him that she hoped he would tell her of his illness before getting with her. The final correspondence added insult to injury when Dimitri replied with: "Perhaps, but she's really attractive, and I wouldn't want that to stop us". Victoria had found herself unable to reply to this. What was left to say? Dimitri, the man she loved, was a monster. All that remained now, was a question: how could she have been so blind?

Ethan searched feverishly through an online chat room, for anyone who looked like they may live the party lifestyle. His original plan, to have an evening with his friend Gavin, had fallen through as Gavin was out of town. Gavin was a heavy recreational drug user, and would definitely be able to help Ethan under normal circumstances. When Ethan had called Gavin to ask for his assistance, Gavin had laughed. Ethan, the man always against drug use, was finally taking him up on his offer. It had seemed very humorous. To Ethan, this was serious. He had been in competition for Marcel's affection, in competition with a substance. To let go, and to try to understand what could possibly be better than the love the two had shared, Ethan needed to experience the force which had won for himself. Gavin had told Ethan as soon as he returned, they would get together, and advised Ethan of the dangers of seeking such things online. He was to meet someone he didn't know, to purchase a substance which could be anything. Ethan would hear none of it, he needed to know, and this could not wait. Ethan was shocked, all at once, to receive a reply to his inquiry from someone who seemed to be into the scene. The reply, was short and to the point: "How much do you need". Ethan sat for a moment, frightened to reply, and with his hands trembling responded, asking for a gram. The man on the other end said that was no problem, and asked to meet Ethan at the corner of Yonge and Bloor; the "crossroads of Canada" as it's called. Very public, very busy, very high risk. Ethan agreed. After writing down the man's mobile number to call once he had arrived, Ethan logged off his computer, and began to get ready.

Victoria twirled her hair with her fingers, as she told Ethan all about what had transpired with Dimitri. Ethan, on the bus en route to downtown, listened intently. He was upset that Victoria was hurting, but was relieved that Dimitri would now be out of the picture, and unable to cause her any more pain. Ethan informed Victoria that he too had news. He explained to her his recent regression into thoughts of Marcel, and told her that the only way for him to truly understand, would be to come face to face with the very drug that shredded their relationship. Victoria became very concerned, not only because he was to try cocaine, but also because of the method at which he would acquire it. She feared she was about to lose her best friend. Ethan, stubborn as always, was determined to complete what he had set out to do, against the advice of Victoria and Gavin. Victoria made Ethan promise to call her, and let her know that he was alright as soon as he could after this was finished. She feared that this may not just be a simple experiment, but that Ethan may become lost in the abyss just as Marcel had done. She also had a scare deep within her, that things may turn out worse than that even, and he may be about to meet someone who would harm him, or if not, perhaps the substance would. To Ethan, this entire situation made perfect sense, and he did his best to justify it to Victoria. He couldn't. This idea was outrageous in her mind. Outrageous, and dangerous. But Victoria knew better than anyone else, that a determined Ethan could not be stopped. For now, the most she could do would be to wait anxiously for the call, and hope for the best.

Arriving downtown, Ethan slowly appeared from the stairs leading down into the subway station. He had a knot in his stomach, and was terrified about the event which was about to occur. Taking out his mobile phone, he nervously dialed the number he had been given. After three rings, a voice answered on the other end. Ethan explained who he was, and that he had arrived at their meeting place. The voice told Ethan what he would be wearing, and Ethan did the same. Ethan was also instructed to make his way to the south-west corner, to avoid any confusion. Nervously, Ethan complied. Just that quickly, the call ended, and in a matter of minutes, this voice would appear as a man. This man would have with him a small glimpse into Marcel's world, and the drug which had caused Marcel to slip into a world of darkness. This was Ethan's last chance, if ever there were one, to change his mind. But he couldn't. This was something he simply had to do. He had remembered Marcel telling him once, that the drug by itself was not enough. It was best taken with alcohol. Ethan had with him, in his shoulder bag, a bottle of vodka to consume. Before leaving the house, Ethan had contacted another friend of his, who although would frequently use drugs, had no connection to get any. His friend had agreed to meet up with Ethan at a park about twenty minutes away on the subway. Ethan could feel his heart beating heavily within his chest, and he glanced around hoping to see someone matching the description of this voice he'd heard on the phone. As of yet, there was no sign of him.

As Ethan stared west down Bloor street, a man approached wearing a red t-shirt under a black leather jacket. Ethan watched as the man grew ever closer, and as the two made eye contact, the man nodded. Ethan returned the nod, sending a signal to the man. "You the blow guy?" the man asked, to which Ethan nodded. "Let's go for a walk", the man said, to which Ethan complied. The man asked Ethan if he had the money, and Ethan confirmed he did. The man told Ethan to give him the money discreetly, which Ethan did. The man stopped, and said to Ethan loud enough for others to hear: "it was good to see you", as he stretched out his hand. Ethan shook the man's hand, and as he did, the man slipped a small bag into Ethan's palm. Afterward, the man simply walked away. Ethan could feel beads of perspiration on his forehead, and his heart rate increased even more. He had, in his pocket, something which he had personally witnessed destroy another human being. He had just committed a crime, surrounded by hundreds of people, at the busiest intersection in Canada. What scared Ethan the most, is how naturally it had happened. It were as if Ethan was an old pro at this, and it was simply another exchange. He was now, in his mind, a criminal. Placing his hand in his pocket, her rubbed his fingers back and forth against the bag. What had he done? There was still the chance now, to not continue with this. The money would be lost, however, he did not have to consume this. Something continued to draw Ethan, and without even being consciously aware of his actions, before he knew it, he was on the subway heading to meet his friend. His behaviour this night had shocked him. And what was about to do, was unthinkable.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Will Ethan complete his plan? What will become of him? Also: Victoria struggles with life on her own!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-11T13:00:00.002-04:00

The waning moon rose dominantly in the night sky, illuminating all below it with its broken crescent of light. It shone brightly in through Ethan's bedroom window, lighting the right side of Ethan face in a pale white, while the left side remained hidden in shadow. Ethan's eyes, fully bloodshot, stood blankly ahead into the darkness of his room. His body trembled as he sat there, completely lost, and alone. It had been hours now since he arrived home, and he could not bring himself to move. Next to Ethan, on the floor, lay an empty bottle of gin. The return to Toronto, had been a blunt reminder of all he had lost. His life had been coming apart, piece by piece, for quite some time, however he had been able to forget it all with a web of lies and false hopes. He had lied to himself about nearly everything, right down to wanting Marcel out of his life permanently. Being away for several weeks, had provided Ethan with a fake comfort, the companionship of his family, and the ability not to think about the emptiness that more accurately described his life. Clutching the picture of Marcel in his hands, Ethan felt completely hopeless. It would be nearly seven in the morning in Paris, and Marcel would be starting his day. Was Ethan on his mind? Did Ethan still mean anything to Marcel? Did Marcel realise that Ethan's life was beginning to free fall, and that he was one of the things that Ethan needed the most?

Isabella lay in her bed, wide awake, staring at her ceiling. Upon arriving at home, she had been met with more bad news. The letter from her landlord had sent a shock wave through her body, as she struggled to comprehend what had been said. The landlord claimed, that her unit was scheduled for major renovations, and that she would need to move within two months. Isabella did not believe this, and was sure that this was due to the noise from her battle with her daughter, the police coming, and all the commotion that had resulted. She struggled to think of a way that she would be able to find the funds for first and last rent payments at another place, and how she would let Stephanie know that she was moving. She had not been at this apartment very long, which was another reason she was so sure that this sudden notice of eviction was caused by the dramatic events recently, and simply masked by a renovation. Physically exhausted, and mentally alert, Isabella was concerned that she would need to wake up in four hours to begin her day. She could not miss another work day, especially not with this extra financial strain on the way. How would she possibly be able to focus at work, when she would be overtired and consumed with thoughts of her life, which day by day seemed to cave in a little more?

Ethan stumbled toward the cliffs atop Lake Ontario, a bottle of vodka in his hand. The stillness of the night, typically a comfort to Ethan, went unnoticed. Though he methodically made his way ever closer to the park, the scene surrounding him was not registering. His full length top coat, fully opened, blew about in the wind. Ethan was met with an eerie scene as he entered the park, clouds blowing in from the west reflected the light of the moon ominously. The Roman and Grecian statues and columns which were scattered throughout the park were brightly lit on one side, and distinctly darker on the other. There was something about this park which Ethan found comforting. So many times, when life had been unfavourable, Ethan had found himself here. What was it about this place which drew Ethan here? The beauty of the water, reflecting the moonlight? The ornate statues and columns which framed this elegant park? Perhaps it was the thought of the violent waters swirling at the base of the cliffs, as they crashed against the rock face. In a simple moment, all of this could be over, if Ethan could build up the courage to simply take the jump that he had considered so many times. Ethan almost found himself unsure if he should resent the fact that he was aware of how easily all of this could be over. Would be be right in resenting this? Life doesn't have to continue as it is, in fact, life doesn't have to continue at all. Just as quickly as it began, a small infant taking its first breath, it could end. As much as he should, perhaps, resent this; Ethan actually found it of great comfort. Knowing that life could end, that the torment could stop forever, was almost strangely consoling.

Isabella entered the lunch room, after having a very productive morning at work. She had not slept at all during the night, yet was somehow very energised. She found her work to be very therapeutic, and a very effective distraction from all that was going on in her life. This morning had been, perhaps, the most productive morning to date. Now, sitting in the lunch room, she found her thoughts were again beginning to catch up with her. Some of her co-workers began to enter and sat down near Isabella. They began the usual lunch time gossip. Updates on their families, rumours they had heard about other people in the office, and just plain nonsense. Isabella smiled and laughed along, though not really listening. Her mind frequently popped in and out of the conversation, as her thoughts were mostly focused on her daughter. It had been 3 days now, with no word on Stephanie's state or whereabouts. Watching her daughter fall into the darkness once more, before her eyes, had taken a profound toll on Isabella. It had been easy to not think of this, while she was working, but now without such distraction, she began to worry. Throughout her life, Isabella had been faced with crisis after crisis. Through each situation, she had always been able to find a solution. Decisions had to be made, sometimes difficult ones, but there had always been an answer; it was just a matter of making it happen. This time, however, she could not see a way to set things back into order. Discovering a plan would have to wait; it was time to get back to work.

Standing just inside the doorway to his bedroom, Ethan looked around once more. Surrounded by reminders of Marcel, Ethan could not help but take a step into his past. Memories of times with Marcel flooded his mind, and he thought through them, one by one. Happy times, moments spent dreaming together of the future they both so badly wanted. Difficult times, watching Marcel self destruct, and slip back into the world of alcohol and drugs. It all lived inside Ethan's mind, as if he were watching a movie. In the beginning, what they had was so perfect. And slowly, at times quickly even, it had disappeared. Ethan had known about Marcel's past drug use when they became a couple, but Marcel had assured him it was simply a moment in his past. This had proven, in the end, to be a lie. What could have been so incredible, that Marcel would throw away what they had? Ethan knew the effects of alcohol well, and it couldn't compare on any level to what he felt with Marcel. There was something else, another force, which Marcel had chosen over Ethan. To understand, and to move on, Ethan would have to experience this force. He needed to know what Marcel had felt that was so powerful, that he would simply abandon their future. He needed to know what was better than he was, and the love that they had shared. There was only one way to know, and it would go against everything Ethan believed in. He would need to experience cocaine.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Ethan comes up with a plan to experience the very substance which had pulled Marcel away from him. Also: Victoria and Dimitri have an exchange, and Victoria also becomes concerned after talking to Ethan and hearing of his plan!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-10T13:00:00.001-04:00

The white lines on the highway passed one by one, almost in a hypnotic rhythm, as Ethan gazed out the window. The time had come, to return to Toronto. He had mixed emotions about returning home. He loved Toronto, and as a child, he would often look at pictures of the skyline, or study maps of the city in anticipation of living there one day. That day had arrived, six years ago, and he had been loving his life in Toronto up until a year ago. Things had changed drastically for him after the loss of his job, and without adequate funds to maintain his lifestyle, living in the city no longer had the excitement it once did. He was confident that one day, once his financial situation improved, that things would return to their former excitement. Surely they would, provided he was again able to live his life, and no longer consumed with Marcel or Josh. Ethan found himself almost afraid, as he continued his journey to Toronto, growing closer with each passing moment. It was not the city, or even his life there that he feared, he was afraid of being alone. Time alone, meant more time to think and analyze things, and recently, his thoughts had again been filled with Marcel. It had been days since Ethan had sent the unexpected text message to Marcel, wishing him the best for his birthday. There had been no response, and this bothered Ethan on some level. Ethan could not make sense of why this was torturing him. This man, had caused him such pain. Ethan had been left with no choice, but to push him away. Now, it seemed, he had been successful. If he had achieved what he wanted, why was he so upset?

Isabella stared out the window of her hospital room at the empty courtyard below. The snow, quickly melting in the mild temperatures, was effectively turning the grassy area into what one would envision a mud wrestling ring to look like. The events of the previous evening were well blurred in her mind. What had happened? She could recall the sudden sensation of heat, the trembling, the abrupt onset of the sweat. What could have possibly caused this? Stress. Since the events began to unfold with Stephanie, her entire world had been sent into chaos. Simple necessities such as sleep and food, had been scarce. Her appetite, completely absent, and her sleep tortured. She had been able to rest through the night at the hospital, after having sedatives administered. This, although helping to slightly refresh her, was not proving helpful in getting her life back in some resemblance of order. Another work day she was missing, as she lay helpless in a hospital bed. Rent was coming, her other bills were coming. Somehow, she would have to cover all of these expenses with a significantly reduced income. Money in her account, building toward covering these expenses, unexpectedly gone after her daughter stole those funds for her addiction. Above her concerns for her finances, were her concerns for her daughter. Visions flashed through her mind of Stephanie, cold and alone, with no place to go. She would not be able to get into the apartment, without Isabella there. Isabella also feared, that even if she were home, Stephanie would choose to live on the street somewhere, rather than return home. Feeling totally helpless, Isabella did not know what to do. She could not make any progress on either concern, from the confines of a hospital room.

After exiting the highway, the sights and sounds of Toronto began to flood Ethan's senses. The people, the bustling, the traffic. Soon, he would be home, and it would be back to reality. Having been away for weeks now, things seemed different. Going from a small rural town of three hundred people to a thriving metropolis of five million, it was reminiscent of a scene six years ago when he had moved to Toronto initially. That similar feeling of liberation, freedom, endless possibilities. Things were somewhat different this time, however, as the possibilities were not simply ripe and waiting to be picked. They were concealed behind financial crisis, limited motivation, and a broken heart. Ethan could not imagine things being much different for him, now that he had arrived back in the city. He would not be taking advantage of anything the city had to offer. The shopping, the restaurants, the pubs, the theatres. The life he would be leading, at least until gainfully employed, would be something he could live from anywhere. There would be nothing exciting, nothing fun, nothing to look forward to. He would not have these things again, until his life had once again resumed a forward motion. How simple that sounded, and how difficult it seemed. In only three months, Marcel was to have been moving to Canada, and they would have been starting their new life together. Now, with all that had happened, Ethan was in desperate need of beginning a new life. But this did not appear to be an easy task, and it was becoming extremely evident that Marcel would never be a part of it.

As she signed the last form for release, Isabella was both relieved to be leaving, and nervous about what would happen now that she did not have the walls of the hospital to protect her. It was back to the real world, back to her troubles, back to Stephanie. She was not sure what she would find when she arrived home. Things had been moving so quickly lately, it seemed that every time she turned around, something was happening. She feared that Stephanie will have found the door locked, and broken in through another route. Above this, Isabella feared she would arrive home and there would be no sign of Stephanie whatsoever, prolonging her fear and concern for her daughter. As Isabella left the hospital, she boarded the tram, and began the ride home. As she sat, she dialed to her home phone to check for any new messages from her work, or from Stephanie. There was nothing. The scenes of the previous few days played over and over inside her mind, Isabella tried to find some answers, some sort of justification for everything that had happened. No matter how much effort she put into this, no answers came. It felt as if she were looking in at someone Else's life, not her own. Her life had been complex and complicated, yes, but never like this. Things appeared to be falling apart faster than she could patch them, and soon, there would be nothing left, if this were to keep up. She stood up, and made her way to the door as the tram approached her stop. Stepping out of the vehicle, Isabella glanced over the front of the house as she walked toward the doorway. Everything was exactly as she had left it the day before. Climbing the front steps, she put her hand into the mailbox and removed several envelopes. There was one marked "urgent". It was from her landlord.

Ethan slid the key into the slot, as he slowly opened the door to his apartment. It had been weeks since he had been home, and it almost felt as if he were stepping back in time. Making his way down the hallway, he turned the corner and entered his bedroom. All at once, his suppressed emotions began to hit him. His phone, sat on the desk next to the computer as it always did. This phone, once his at home connection to Marcel, displayed a solid light. He had no messages. There was a time, that arriving home, Ethan would have raced to the computer to see if he had a message from Marcel, which he always did. He would dial Marcel's number as quickly as he could, and wait in anticipation to hear the voice of the man he loved greet him. On the side table, next to his bed, lay his headset. This headset, once provided a link to Marcel until they were together. They would fall asleep together, an ocean apart, listening to each other breathing, and dreaming of the day they would be together for good. A picture, to the right of the computer of Marcel still stood perfectly. Marcel's deep brown eyes staring out at Ethan, as tears began to flow down his face. Ethan had not removed these things while with Josh, nor had he noticed they were still there. Things were so different now. As close as Ethan had felt to Josh, he had never been Marcel. No one else ever could be. Sitting down on the floor, his back resting against the bed, Ethan allowed his emotions to flow freely. Ethan ran his hands up and down his arms, able to feel what remained of the scars from years before. Scars which represented a period of his life so painful, and full of such self hate, he had literally started to self destruct. When Marcel was in pain, he had resorted to his previous methods of alcohol and drugs to ease his pain. Ethan feared, as emotions mounted, he was coming close to reverting to his previous method as well.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: The bad news keeps coming for Isabella, and tests her strength. Also: Will Ethan be able to get control over his emotions before it's too late?

© X_Media 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-09T13:00:00.002-04:00

The warm wind blew across Victoria's face, as she began her walk to the clinic after another long night shift. It were as if spring was making a brief early appearance, signalling the process of renewal had begun. Things did not feel so for Victoria. She was asking herself, over and over, how things with Dimitri could have possibly ended. Was it her fault for not moving in with Dimitri? Was she simply not good enough to deserve him? She found it so much easier to blame herself, or to look for an error on her part, than to see that things with Dimitri were not healthy or sustainable. After the initial shock of his message earlier in the evening, she had replied to him. She had simply asked "why?". Dimitri had been vague in his response, simply saying that it wasn't working. It seemed strange to her that a few days prior, it had been working so well, that he had proposed she move in with him. Things had changed. And this experience, she feared, would change her. She was not bitter. She wasn't even particularly angry. The best way to describe her state, would be confused and hurt. Things had progressed so quickly between them. And just as quickly, their relationship had come to a startling collapse. Victoria wanted, more than anything, to get home and to climb into her bed. This wasn't possible today, as she had to return to the clinic, to receive her results from her tests a week earlier. Inside, she was terrified. Could she handle more bad news?

Isabella sat at the kitchen table, eating her oatmeal directly from the pot. Her dishware, all of it, destroyed by her daughter the day before. Isabella was trembling badly, even though a full day had elapsed since the explosion. She was beyond what she had witnessed, she was even beyond what her daughter had done. Her fear now, was what had become of Stephanie. After hearing her mother calling the emergency response team, Stephanie had quickly left the house before the police could arrive. She could be anywhere by now, and Isabella feared the worst. Her daughter, clearly not in her right mind, was capable of anything. She had no money, no place to stay, and an addiction which was controlling her life. Things were not in favour of a happy outcome, and Isabella could not help but feel desperate. As out of control as her daughter had been, when she was home, at least she knew Stephanie's whereabouts and that she was safe. But now, with the current situation, the communication was broken, perhaps forever. Isabella's thoughts were quite blurred, as she had barely slept for two days. Walking into the washroom, she could barely recognize her face in the mirror. Her eyes, shadowed in darkness, displayed her grief for all to see. Her skin, dull and lifeless, in desperate need of some rest. She struggled to conceal the visible signs as best she could, as she began getting ready for work. As much progress as she made on her appearance, there were parts of her she could not mask. Her emotions, her heart, bruised in ways one couldn't imagine, were beyond the reach of makeup. They continued to pain, as she finished getting ready, put on her coat, and headed out the door.

The feeling was surreal as Isabella sat on the subway. The hoards of people shuffling about in the carriage of the train, the lights racing past as the train sped through the tunnel. Her eyes burned of fatigue as she struggled to stay focused on her surroundings, and shut out the thoughts of Stephanie flowing through her mind. How could she shut these thoughts out? She was living every parent's nightmare, with seemingly no way to remedy the situation. She could not turn back time, nor could she control her daughter's behaviour. She almost wished, in a way, that she had not called the police. This act, a sure betrayal in Stephanie's mind, had sent her daughter running again. It was not uncommon for Stephanie to disappear for days at a time, indeed, she did it often. But Isabella feared that this time, she would not simply be gone for a few days, that perhaps, it would be permanent. A sense of pity etched in guilt flowed through Isabella. She felt sorry for her daughter, knowing that she was being controlled, almost completely, by her addiction. She felt guilty, for raising this daughter on her own, not able to necessarily be the best mother she could have been, as she was fighting her own battle: Schizophrenia. As the train rumbled through a crossover section and entered her station, Isabella stood up, and made her way to the exit doors. As she walked through the station, up to street level, and toward her office, she was running almost automatically. The sights and sounds of downtown Toronto were not registering. She was profoundly lost in thought.

Victoria had tears in her eyes as she waited for the elevator outside of the clinic. She had received the best news she could have possibly hoped for. Although Dimitri had hurt her, and disappointed her, he had not passed on his illness to her. The wave of relief sweeping through her was somewhat muted because of the preexisting sombre mood from the breakup. Regardless, she saw this moment as a fresh start. Closure of another chapter of her life, in which she had again loved and lost. All the way to the clinic, there had been a knot in her stomach, fearing for more bad news. How could she have possibly left her relationship with Dimitri in the past, had he left her with something that would remain a part of her life forever? The stars had been in a favourable alignment, it seemed, as she now could completely close the door, and move forward with her life. For a brief moment, she wondered if she should attempt a reconciliation with James. This thought quickly passed, as they had tried to make it work twice, and both times, she had not been happy. For now, it seemed, Victoria would have to live her life as she had been fearing. Alone. She thought back to a conversation she had with Ethan last time he had come to London to visit her. It had been at the peak of his intertwining emotions for both Josh and Marcel, and he had said something profound which had stayed with her. "I've realized that there are worse things in life that being alone", he had said, "in fact, we're all alone anyway. It's just easier to take when you're in a relationship". There had been such truth to this statement, though Victoria had not wanted to believe it. But as the moments passed, and she finally was on her way home, the more she thought about this, the more sense it made. Love should be something that enhances and enriches one's life, not what drives it. It made perfect sense; so why did she feel so empty?

Isabella took a deep breath as she walked through the revolving door. Her day at work, was over. She had made it, somehow, and was pleased with her performance. Her stomach felt ill, from lack of sleep. She had not been able to eat since breakfast, and was extremely weak. As she walked down Yonge street, toward the subway, she paused for a moment as she passed the intersection which had scared her so greatly the week before. It almost seemed as if that incident had been foreshadowing what was to come. From that day onward, things had begun to collapse, and now in the middle of the implosion, there was no sign that it was going to stop. Making her way down the stairs into the subway station, Isabella began to feel dizzy. Descending down the second staircase on to the subway platform, she became anxious at the sight of so many people. Clearly, there was a problem with the trains, and people were backed up significantly more than normal. A sense of heat swept through Isabella's body, as she found a vacant place on the platform and leaned against the wall. Beads of sweat formed on her brow line, and over her lip. Her vision began to blur, as the station seemed to start spinning. Placing her hand on her stomach, Isabella was aware something wasn't right. She felt extremely ill, and knew it was stress and fatigue induced. The dizzy sensation increased in severity, and the station appeared to be spinning faster and faster. The heat she felt was unbearable, and her body began to tremble. The platform spun faster and faster as Isabella struggled to stay standing. A train rumbled into the station sending a blast of wind from one end of the platform to the other.As the wind swept across Isabella, a strong chill ran through her, and all at once, the spinning stopped as she collapsed.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Isabella is hospitalized, and again misses work causing anxiety as financial challenges loom. Also: Ethan begins to fall, as he returns to Toronto, and takes a step into his past to try to make sense of it all!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-06T13:00:00.002-05:00

A rogue clap of thunder sounded, as a warm front swept across southern Ontario. Stephanie peered into Isabella's bedroom making sure she was still asleep. Indeed, she was. As quietly as she could, she put her shoes on, grabbed her coat, and almost silently made her way outside. She reached into her pocket, and was able to feel the plastic of her mother's debit card. Isabella hadn't mentioned anything of it the night before, in fact, she hadn't mentioned anything. She had remained oddly silent, and simply watched on as Stephanie had once again slipped into the hand of darkness, the drugs, which controlled her. Feeling around in her pocket, she pulled out her mobile phone, and began to dial. "Hey, it's me", she said, "I'll be there in 5 minutes. Are you ready"? Pausing for a moment, while the person on the other end replied, Stephanie then said "Ok, see you then". Stephanie's emotions were conflicting within her. Her sense of independence, had been restored by her leaving the night before and reclaiming the lifestyle that she was accustomed to. She also felt a profound sense of guilt, having seen Isabella's face, and knowing what this was doing to her. She almost felt angry at herself for feeling guilty. She was a young adult, she was independent. Why should she care what her mother does, or doesn't approve of? Yes, she had stolen the money, but this was small in comparison to what she felt owed by her mother. In truth, she almost resented her mother, and the drugs provided fuel to the already burning fire. These drugs, her lifeline, and her mother the one person that consistently frowned on her lifestyle. As she continued to walk toward the meeting place, the rain began to pour more heavily. Stephanie found herself shivering, completely drenched and cold. She could feel the anger rising up within her. Could anything go her way? It didn't matter; nothing mattered. In a matter of minutes, she would find relief.

Victoria woke with a start, as the thunder rolled through London. Glancing at the clock, she only had twenty minutes until her alarm would sound. She decided it best to simply get up and begin her day. She had to work her day job today, and could use the extra time. There was something she needed to do. She had not heard back from Ethan, and desperately wanted his opinion on this decision she had to make. This was going to be a long day for Victoria, as she had to work both her day job, and her night job as well. Picking up her phone, she dialed Ethan's number. She was greeted with a less enthusiastic voice on the other end of the line. Ethan, still in pain and fatigued from the night before, struggled to make himself more alert. He listened intently as Victoria explained her dilemma to him, and tried his best to be impartial. In his opinion, this was simply too fast, even for the healthiest of relationships. She should be taking her time, enjoying the courting phase. He expressed his concerns to her, and hoped that she would consider waiting, until things were more stable. "I hope this helps" Ethan said.

"Yes, it does, but I just don't want to lose him" Victoria replied.

"If he loves you, he will love you regardless of whether you move in right now" Ethan said back. Victoria knew Ethan was right, but still found herself wondering what to do. With time moving on, she explained she had to go to work, and thanked him for listening. After hanging up the phone, Victoria stared blankly ahead, a knot in her stomach, and again began to dial. This time, she dialed Dimitri. As she pressed the phone to ear, she was met with a rather upbeat man on the other end. Dimitri said what a nice surprise it was to hear from Victoria, and she said she had been thinking of him a lot the last few days, as well as his question.

"And what did you decide?" Dimitri asked.

"I love you Dimitri, and I really want us to be together. But I think I need more time before moving in." Victoria replied, holding her breath, as she awaited his response.

Ethan found himself unable to fall back asleep after his conversation with Victoria. His head pounded from the fall on the ice the night before, and his body also ached. Thinking back, he tried to remember the night before. He had been thoroughly intoxicated, and most things were blurry. Marcel. He had messaged Marcel. What had he done? Was this a misplaced memory, or something that he actually did? Opening his phone in almost a panic, Ethan looked at his sent items. Indeed, he had sent the message to Marcel. His pulse began to race, and his muscles began to bunch all at once. He did not have any new messages on his phone, so Marcel clearly hadn't received it. Or perhaps, he had received it, but wasn't sure how to reply. What if Marcel had replied by email? Ethan raced across the room, and feverishly logged into his email to check and see if Marcel had emailed him. No. What did this mean? Did Ethan even want Marcel to reply? The time they had spent together had either been fireworks or explosions, and the ratio definitely indicated more damage than spectacle had occurred. Yet, even with this, a part of Ethan longed for what he had felt with Marcel. What if Marcel had been right? Marcel had said repeatedly that no one would ever love Ethan as he did. He continuously had expressed his belief to Ethan that they were soul mates. If they were, why had it felt so painful and wrong when they were together? And if they weren't, why did Ethan long for him now?

Stephanie stormed in the front door, slamming it violently, as Isabella turned around in shock. Stephanie screamed at her mother, asking how Isabella could possibly turn her back on her! Making her way through the room, Stephanie grabbed anything of value, anything that mattered to Isabella, and destroyed them. Isabella pleaded with Stephanie to stop, and calm down, but her requests were met with more hostility. Stephanie had attempted to make another withdrawal for her drug purchase, and had found the card had been deactivated. In her mind, Isabella had turned her back in a time of need, and betrayed her. Stephanie was completely oblivious to the fact that her addiction was causing her thoughts, and emotions to become severely clouded. As she pushed Isabella out of the way, Stephanie made her way into the kitchen, and one by one, shattered each of the dinner plates, stemware, coffee mugs, and anything else she could grab. Isabella decided it was time to take a stand! She demanded that Stephanie stop, or to leave the apartment at once! Hearing this, Stephanie lost control, and without thinking, grabbed a knife from the drawer. She asked Isabella if she thought this was a game, or whether she realized that she was ruining Stephanie's life. Isabella begged Stephanie to put the knife down, as her daughter lunged ever closer. Stephanie said bluntly, that either Isabella give her money immediately, or she would kill her. Isabella's eyes were filled with fear, as she knew this wasn't her daughter before her. This was a stranger; a violent stranger, who would stop at nothing for drug money. Isabella told Stephanie to get out of her apartment, and that she had gone too far. "Gone too far?" Stephanie said, "I'll show you too far"! Stephanie ran toward her mother, waving the knife closer to Isabella with each step. Panicking, Isabella grabbed the phone, and ran to the washroom, locking the door. Her hands trembling, she struggled to dial 911.

"Please, help me!" Isabella screamed into the phone. "My daughter, she's completely out of control, and I fear she is going to kill me!"

With the day now behind her, Victoria sat on the sofa, watching the clock ever slowly moving forward. These night home care shifts were so boring, that sometimes, time almost seemed to stand still. Dimitri had reacted much better than she expected in their early morning conversation. He had expressed that he understood, and was willing to give Victoria all the time she needed before making a major decision like he had proposed. Victoria wished she could call him, and hear his voice, but he would surely be asleep. Watching the television, she struggled to maintain interest, with no program in particular captivating her. She needed Dimitri tonight. For some reason, she was feeling particularly vulnerable, particularly insecure, and particularly alone. It's not even that she necessarily needed reassurance from Dimitri, but just the feeling of closeness. She, in a way, almost felt like she had betrayed him by not moving in with him. This was everything she wanted. A close lover, something long term and serious, and the potential of "forever". She had this with Dimitri. But still, in the moment when she was forced whether to take the plunge into something deeper, she had declined. She had chosen to defer the decision, until they had been together longer. To most people, this would make perfect sense, but to Victoria, she wondered if she had just made a huge mistake. The thought of laying next to Dimitri every night as she drifted into sleep, awaking to his strong arms around her, were so very compelling. The thought was also frightening. As she continuously rolled these thoughts around in her mind, over-analyzing, things were not becoming much clearer. What she did know, is that she loved Dimitri, and one day, would love to live with him; but not yet. Victoria's mobile phone began to vibrate in her pocket, pausing her thoughts, at least temporarily. Who would message her at this hour? Glancing at the screen, she was absolutely shocked. It was Dimitri! Reading the message, Victoria's face became frozen and her heart seemed to stop.

"I'm sorry, but this just isn't going to work out"

Next week on Beyond What Divides Us: The end has arrived for Victoria and Dimitri, and Dimitri will be leaving the show! Before he does, he will be showing his true colours, shocking Victoria! Also: Things continue to become more complex for Isabella, and Ethan struggles to maintain control as he begins to regress!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-04T14:45:00.003-05:00

Victoria sat, completely stunned, unsure how to answer Dimitri. This offer, was the security she sought in their relationship. A near guarantee that they would be long term, and that their relationship was solid. Or was it? Visions flew through Victoria's mind of them living together, their relationship ending, and her being left with nowhere to go. It had, after all, only been five months since they met. And of that five months, there was a two month gap, during which time they were not together, and Victoria was with James. Was this long enough for the two to decide that the time was right to make things this serious? Her last serious relationship, with Philippe, had met such an ending. One day they were together, and seemingly happy. The next, Philippe confessed to Victoria that he was no longer in love with her. Two days following that, she was hundreds of kilometres away, in London, starting over again. Could she really go through this again? Dimitri, sitting across from her, was clearly trying to read her face. Her expressions were not giving any suggestion as to what she was thinking. How could they? She, herself, did not know what to think or to feel. She could not make this decision now, in this moment. She would need time think. Reaching across the table, and placing her hand over Dimitri's, she replied softly: "this is a big decision, and I will need some time to think about it".

Isabella opened her eyes, and attempted to orient herself. She had fallen asleep, as she lay in the washroom. How long had it been? Standing up slowly, she opened the door, and entered the dining room again, where Stephanie had been. The apartment was dark and silent. Turning on some lights, Isabella went from room to room trying to find her daughter. She was nowhere to be found. "Stephanie!", Isabella called out. There was no response. There was a cold draft blowing through the apartment. Isabella made her way to the front door, which was still slightly ajar. Panic began to flow through Isabella's veins, as she tried to imagine what could have become of her daughter. Stephanie's coat, still hanged on the coat tree inside the entrance way, causing increased concern. How could this have happened? It seemed that things were progressively getting worse for Isabella. The near accident the week before as she walked downtown, her daughter disappearing for days on end, the assault on her daughter, and now this. How much could Isabella take? Making her way back to the washroom, she opened the medicine cabinet and took Valium to try to calm herself. She did not know what to do. Should she call the police and report her daughter missing? Had her daughter been abducted while too weak to defend herself? Had her daughter run back to the street lifestyle she was all too used to? Carefully stepping over the chairs and shattered glass which littered the floor, Isabella made her way to the sofa in the living room. All at once her heart sank, as she noticed her handbag had been completely emptied on to the coffee table. Her wallet, still open, had a card missing. Her debit card.

Arriving back home, Victoria splashed water on her face as she removed the last of her makeup. The world had been seeming to spin since Dimitri's shocking question. Was she ready to take this next step, and move in with the man she loved? So much had happened, and so much had changed. She had changed. Once a strong, determined woman, she had found herself left weak and insecure after the collapse of her relationship with Dimitri. What followed, was a period of self discovery. A chance for her to reconnect with herself, try to figure out what she needed, and try to put a plan in place to make it happen. All signs, had pointed to Dimitri. But now, with him, she found herself completely confused. Dimitri had wanted her to change her appearance, she had obliged. He wanted her to commence a workout regime, again she had complied. He had put her health in jeopardy, and not revealed this to her until significantly later. Was this the type of relationship she wanted to be in for the long term? At the same time, there was the feeling she experienced in his embrace. The warmth of his touch, and the security she felt laying next to him were like nothing she had felt in a long time. She needed advice, and guidance. She needed someone she could trust, who would tell her the truth, regardless of what she would want to hear. She needed Ethan.

Ethan was careful to close the door quietly, as he walked out of his mother's home as she slept. His trip with his father was over, and he was back with her for a few days before returning to Toronto. Ethan stumbled down the steps toward the backyard. He paused for a moment to take a drink of vodka. Midnight was only moments away, and at that moment, it would be the day he had been dreading. Marcel's birthday. For the past few days, his mind had been filled with thoughts of Marcel. Missing him, regretting the way things had wound up. The emotions had come to a head, and Ethan had found it too much to deal with. He could not deal with these feelings, and instead, buried them in alcohol. Walking through the yard, Ethan made his way down the final set of stairs, and stepped out on to the ice. The lake behind his mother's house, fully frozen, glistened in the moonlight. He continued to drink, as he stumbled down the lake along the shoreline. His face sparkled, as the tears flowing down his face were also illuminated by the full moon. This was not how things were supposed to be. He was supposed to be successfully working, awaiting Marcel's arrival in Toronto, in love, and preparing for marriage. The goals, the emotions, and the dreams which had once burned so brightly within Ethan, had been ripped from him without any warning. Ethan's phone vibrated, temporarily distracting him. Was it Marcel? Could it be? Taking his mobile out of his pocket, he saw it was Victoria. He was in no condition to talk with her, and decided he would call her back at a later time. As Ethan continued to walk, he began to slide on the ice. Falling backward, Ethan's head hit the ice causing a deafening sound. The bottle of vodka, now nearly empty, shattered on the impact sending shards of glass flying through the air. As he lay on the ice, Ethan again took his phone out and began to send a text message. Overcome with emotion, Ethan struggled to type the message. A message to Marcel. "I wanted to send a quick note to wish you a happy birthday. I wish you the best in the coming year", it read. Immediately after sending it, he was suddenly filled with regret. What had he just done?

Isabella wept openly as she struggled to re-arrange her apartment. She feared for her daughter, and hadn't heard anything after several hours. She had decided against calling the police, since realizing her debit card was missing. She had immediately called her bank, and was informed a withdrawal had been made. She had her card cancelled immediately, however, the damage which was to be done, would most likely be irrevocable. This was not about missing money, this was not even about her daughter stealing from her. Isabella knew, without question what this withdrawal meant. That money, was only for one thing. Drugs. This experience, and lesson which should have subsequently been learned, had not been effective. Her daughter, had not been able to win the fight. And now, it seemed, things would resume right where they left off. At that moment, Isabella turned around at the sound of the front door opening. It was Stephanie. Waltzing in, laughing at seemingly nothing, Stephanie smiled at her mom. Stephanie was under the influence, clearly, and with every laugh, another small piece died inside of Isabella. Making her way into the kitchen, Stephanie took the cork out of the bottle of red wine and pressed the bottle to her lips. She had an insatiable thirst. As she turned around, she noticed the look of horror and disappointment on Isabella's face. "What?" Stephanie said, bursting into laughter. Isabella tried to conceal the tears she could feel welling up in her eyes. "What is your problem?" Stephanie asked again. Isabella remained silent. Stephanie took another drink of the wine, then stared directly at her mother. "Oh, I know what the problem is... I should be using a glass! Sorry mom" Stephanie said. Isabella still remained silent, as she watched on at this stranger standing before her. This stranger, her daughter, whom she had brought into this world.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Things between Isabella and Stephanie get out of hand, and the police become involved! Also: Ethan regrets contacting Marcel, and fears what may happen; and Victoria struggles to make her decision.

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-03T13:00:00.002-05:00

Victoria paced around her room, anxiously awaiting news, any news, from Dimitri. Earlier in the day, they had a conversation via online messaging which had left Victoria not only confused, but greatly concerned. Why couldn't things just run smoothly? Why did it seem that every second day, something new was happening which caused her anxiety? She was certain that she was not overreacting, in fact, she was convinced that he was preparing to leave her. "There are things about me you don't like, right"? He had asked her. What kind of question is that? After she had answered, truthfully, he continued: "I need to talk to you about something when I see you later". Victoria had attempted to make him ask her there in the moment, but Dimitri had refused. Victoria did not know how to read this. To her, this was highly unfair. If there is something to ask, you ask it. Why would Dimitri possibly need to wait until later to ask her face to face. Furthermore, why would he bring it up now if he had no intention of actually discussing it? Manipulation. Had Ethan been right? Had her family been right? Was Dimitri simply trying to control her, by keeping her in a constant state of worry and unknown? Whatever the reason, Victoria was not impressed, and would certainly make sure Dimitri knew this. She could handle a question, she could even handle a criticism, but to have to wait hours, agonising over what it could be, was not right.

Stephanie held her cup of tea, struggling to get it to her lips. Her body, in its entirety, was trembling. It had been days without her drugs. Days which seemed to be years. To an addict, the drugs are not a recreation anymore, nor are they a sport. They virtually become a part of your being. Your body, comes to recognize the substances as a part of itself and necessary. This was the longest Stephanie had been without drugs in over a year, and her system was beginning severe withdrawal. Her temperament, completely opposite of her true self. Her emotions, all swirled within her, building up pressure, and desperately needing to explode. It were as if a part of her was missing, and could only be found by having a fix. Isabella was not at home, she had needed to return to work. The purse, with the money, was with Isabella. She was certainly not well enough to go out to seek either money or drugs. The pain in her body, still excruciating. She had not been able to eat for over a day now, nor had she been able to keep any of the pain killing medication from the doctor down. She was violently ill. She was not sure of what to do. She could not continue in this way. Although, long term, she knew that this would fade and she would have a chance to get off the drugs for good, she was not prepared to go through another day like this. Growing furious at the situation, and becoming irrational, Stephanie let out a violent scream and threw the cup of tea across the room, knocking a picture off the wall. The trembling in her body began to worsen, gradually turning into convulsions. As Stephanie lay there in the bed, her body contorting, she continued to scream. Her body, was going through the motions, albeit painful, of beginning to heal.

Victoria was cleaning, sorting, re-organizing; anything to get her mind off Dimitri. Her sister was at the apartment, and watched Victoria methodically move from room to room seeking out anything that seemed out of place or not sparkling clean. Clearly, something was bothering Victoria, however, Victoria had told her sister she did not wish to discuss it. Taking a rest, Victoria lay down on her bed, and grabbed her mobile phone. There was someone that she wanted to discuss this with. Ethan. She sent him a brief text message saying "are you around?" to see if he had time. She knew he was out of town with his father, and may or may not be able to. She smiled softly as her mobile rang, it was Ethan.

"Yes, we're just driving. What's up?"

"It's Dimitri... He says he needs to talk to me about something, but not until later".

"Oh, I don't like that... Why wouldn't he just ask you now"?

"That's what I said, but he insists we talk about it later".

"Do you have any idea what he wants to talk about"?

"No, but he asked me if there were things about him I didn't like. I think he might be getting ready to leave me".

"Victoria, I want you to be happy, but I really think you can do better than this guy".

"Thanks honey, but you know, I think I really love this one..."

"I know love, but with all the secrets and now this, I just don't know..."

"I guess I'll find out tonight. I just don't want him to leave me. How are things going with your father"?

"They're going ok. I'm sort of in my own little world. We're arriving at the hotel, I have to go".

"Ok, have fun, and I'll talk to you later tonight". Victoria closed her phone, and lay down on her bed. Her stomach was in knots, and all she wanted, was for this to resolve.

Isabella opened the door, and entered the apartment. It had been a particularly difficult day at work. As she entered the living room, she was shocked at what she saw. Her pictures, were all off the walls, on the floor, with shattered frames. Her coffee table, completely inverted, lay in the doorway. As she looked through, toward the dining room, that table too was upside down. The chairs, lay in disarray in various states. On the far side of the room, lay Stephanie. She was on the floor, curled into the fetal position, rocking back and forth, staring ahead at nothing intently. As Isabella called her name, trying to get her attention, Stephanie was unresponsive. Isabella slowly made her way across the room, and called Stephanie again. There was no response. Placing her hand on Stephanie's shoulder, Stephanie let out a scream which startled Isabella, causing her to pull her hand back. "What has happened in here?", Isabella asked. There was no reply. As Isabella watched on, her daughter rocking back and forth unable or unwilling to communicate, she began to cry. Stepping over all the debris left behind from Stephanie's wrath, Isabella made her way to the washroom. Locking the door, she sat down on the floor, with her back against the wall. The tears were flowing down her face, as she sobbed uncontrollably. This was her daughter, the woman she had brought into the world, disintegrating before her eyes. She felt completely helpless as her daughter continued to spiral out of control. Isabella felt sorry for Stephanie, and partly responsible. She could not bring herself to express anger at her destroyed home. She could not bring herself to chastise Stephanie either. All she could do, was hope that this process would bring about change, and mark the end of the drugs controlling her daughter.

Victoria looked ahead at Dimitri, as they sat in a restaurant having dinner. He had not yet offered to ask the question, which was consuming Victoria's thoughts. Growing impatient, Victoria indicated to him, that she would really like to know what it was. Dimitri looked deeply into Victoria's eyes, and then responded: "Well, it's something silly, really..." Dimitri said. "When I ask you something, sometimes you tend to reply with an answer that really doesn't say much."

"What do you mean?" Victoria asked.

"If I were to ask you how work was, you might reply 'it was work-like'. When I ask you something, I would really like to get a real answer." Victoria sighed in relief. This had been it? Her answers were meant to be funny, and to express there was nothing overly interesting to tell. This surely would be an easy fix. The images that had been plaguing her mind all day were so far from this, that it almost seemed silly now. Victoria smiled at Dimitri.

"If that's all it is, no problem. I didn't know it bothered you" she said, smiling again. "Please don't do that to me again", she continued, "if you have a question, please just ask me, or wait until you are ready to bring it up. I really was worried all afternoon."

"I'm sorry", Dimitri said, "I won't do that again". As Dimitri looked at Victoria, he cleared his throat and began to speak again: "I do have one other question for you" he said.

"What is it?" Victoria replied.

Dimitri again cleared his throat, the said in a very soft tone: "Would you move in with me?"

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Victoria is stunned by Dimitri's question. How will she respond? Also, Stephanie completely loses control, and Ethan makes a decision he quickly regrets!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-03-02T13:00:00.003-05:00

Ethan opened his eyes and glanced over at the clock. It was mid-morning, and he could smell bacon in the air. He had been at his mother's now for over a week, and was enjoying the time away from Toronto. Each morning, when he awoke, breakfast was ready and waiting for him, hot coffee just waiting to be consumed. As strange as it might seem, Ethan almost enjoyed being back home. On some level, it were as if Ethan wished he could go back in time, to when he was in high school, and his life originally had started to fall apart. Somehow, he had managed to get his act together after dropping out of school, but even still, he wished it could all have happened differently. With odds working against him, he had managed to get employment at the level that university graduates would typically seek. And as quickly as he had made this remarkable progress, he had fallen back to where he had started. The shift and collapse of the economy had made his former position all but redundant, as there was little need for analysts when there is nothing to analyze. Ethan began to get ready, as he was expecting his father to pick him up around the noon hour. He was going out of town on business for a couple of days, and thought it would be good for Ethan to come along for a change of scenery. Ethan agreed. To be away, truly away, in a strange setting, where nothing that was occurring in his life mattered. He would go out of town, and try to enjoy time to himself.

Victoria sat nervously in the clinic, as she waited her turn to go in to see the doctor. She was cautiously optimistic that she was not ill, however, with Dimitri and her exercising such little caution with their intimacy, the odds were not on her side. She felt a whole range of emotions as she sat waiting. She was angry and disappointed that Dimitri would be so inconsiderate as to not tell her the moment he knew there was even a chance that he might be ill. At the same time, she was able to brush this off, and deep down inside, still wanted to be with Dimitri despite the challenges. Everyone close to Victoria was hoping for a swift end to her relationship with Dimitri. They cared for her deeply, and did not want to see her hurt. She could not understand why everyone was sounding the warning bells, rather than being happy for sure. Dimitri had his faults, sure, likewise he made her feel safe and secure in a way that no other man besides Philippe had been able to do. Victoria was aware, that when someone becomes emotionally involved, it's very easy to be swept away, and not see things rationally. She had watched it happen with Ethan and Marcel. But this couldn't be the case here, no, this was love, and this latest incident was simply an obstacle they would have to overcome together. Victoria had done her best to reassure everyone that she was being careful, and that Dimitri did care for her and would never hurt her. This was Victoria's honest perception of the situation. To most everyone else, she was thrusting ahead, at full speed, toward a concrete median. They could only hope, that she would realize her collision course and be able to stop before impact.

Ethan provided little conversation, as he sat next to his father in the van en route to central Huronia. What was there to discuss? Ethan found himself lost in thoughts the majority of the time lately, and his thoughts were a world he did not like to share with many people. His father was doing his best to reminisce times they had shared in the past, moments from Ethan's youth that were humorous or memorable. Ethan was doing his best to smile, and seem interested, though inside he was trying to figure out how to get his life back on the rails and heading in a forward motion. Strangely, Marcel had once again crept into Ethan's mind. His birthday was only a few days away, and Ethan could not help but think of him. If the fates had been kind, Marcel and Ethan would still be madly in love, and preparing for Marcel to move to Toronto so they could be together. Destiny had another plan for the two of them it seemed, a plan which did not include a fairy tale ending. While Ethan's focus had recently shifted to finding meaningful employment, and a solution to his financial crisis, a part of him still wished that things had worked out differently with Marcel. For so long, their relationship had been everything to Ethan. It had been all that mattered, and the ray of hope amongst the clouds that had rolled in following the mass layoff which had hit Ethan hard. Although Ethan had been able to accept that it wasn't going to work, and that the chance of Marcel changing back to the man he had fallen in love with was slim, he had never really been able to close the door completely. He was intelligent enough to know that refusing Marcel's attempts at a reconciliation was necessary, but at the same time, it had killed him inside to do it. And now, Ethan found himself forced to fake a smile with his father, while inside, his emotions swirled and were trying to surface.

Upon leaving the clinic, Victoria did not know if she should feel worried or relieved. On one side, she had the sense of comfort knowing that she had completed her blood work, and now just had to wait for the results. On the other hand, this waiting meant increased worry and anxiety. As Victoria walked along the streets of downtown London, she sent a text message to Dimitri to see if it would be alright for her to stop in to see him. Dimitri promptly replied, telling her she was more than welcome. Boarding a bus to take her to his home, she was excited to be going to see him. She hoped, that by reassuring him now that this major secret was out in the open, this would fix the bizarre tension which had plagued their relationship recently. Throughout everything, Victoria had decided that no matter what, her focus would be on fixing the damage done to their relationship, rather than looking for a way to end it. How could she give up on the man that made her feel so safe and secure inside? This situation, as dark as it may be, might just provide her with the additional boost needed to convince Dimitri she is the one for him. If she is able to get past this major crisis, how could he not be reassured? As the bus slowly made its way across the city, Victoria was trying to pass the time by exchanging text messages with Ethan. Ethan repeatedly was trying to warn Victoria of his fears for her, especially now that he knew about the selfish choices Dimitri had made lately. Victoria, though, was trying to reassure Ethan that she knew what she was doing, and that she knew he had made a bad choice, and was willing to get past it to make the relationship work. Ethan made sure to let Victoria know that he would support her decision either way, but made sure she knew how concerned he was about her. It was her life, and her choice to make, and nothing Ethan could say or do could dissuade her from moving forward with Dimitri. Likewise, nothing Victoria could say would relieve Ethan of the concern he felt for her.

Dimitri's demeanor had changed, much like a cold front would bring relief in the summer after a bout of hot, humid, uncomfortable weather. As Victoria lay in his arms watching television, she could hardly believe the transformation. He was open today, communicative, honest. He had shown her the medication he was taking for his illness, and explained so much to her about how he was feeling. A wave of relief had swept through Victoria. This is the moment she had been hoping for. It was time to leave all the secrets, all the trust concerns, and all the awkwardness behind. It had been a rough start for them, but now, the time had come to move forward without a care in the world. Dimitri's touch engulfed Victoria's senses. The feeling of his touch as he stroked her hair, the smell of his cologne as she would tilt her head back to kiss him. The electric feeling as their lips touched, even just softly. It was back. Whatever had been missing the past week was back, and Victoria felt a sense of contentment that she had longed for. Victoria was glad on more than one level. She was looking forward to talking to her family, and to Ethan, to let them know of this remarkable return. She had been right in following her emotions this time, it seemed. Had she listened to them, this moment would not be occurring, and she would still be alone questioning the direction of her life. Everything seemed so clear in this moment, as she lay in what seemed to be absolute perfection. What could possibly be better, than laying in the arms of the man you love, and desire more than anything? A part of her, deep within, questioned whether this could last, or was even real. Dimitri, after all, had specified he found her more attractive without glasses, and had subtly suggested she go to a gym with, the purchase of the membership for her. "No", Victoria thought to herself, "he was simply trying me to be my best self. He wasn't trying to change me, that's just what other's think". Blocking out her thoughts, Victoria pressed her body back into Dimitri, tilted her head back, and kissed him deeply.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Major issues are on their way for Isabella and Stephanie. Will their relationship be able to handle another wave of problems? Also: Victoria becomes highly worried when Dimitri's behaviour swings once again!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-02-27T13:00:00.001-05:00

Victoria climbed into bed next to Dimitri, as the sun once again rose. It had been two days since she had any real sleep, and she was fatigued to the point of absolute physical and emotional exhaustion. Having spent another night working with her home care job, all she wanted now, was rest. Dimitri looked over at Victoria, gave her a soft kiss, and rolled back on to his side to go back to sleep. It was his day off, and he could afford to sleep in. Victoria felt she would actually be able to get some sleep this morning, even though she still worried about what was happening. The sheer exhaustion she felt, would overpower her emotions and concern, at least for a little while. Rolling on to her side, she closed her eyes and tried to relax as best she could. She was almost tempted to ask Dimitri, right here in this moment, to tell her the truth. She was so afraid to do so, concerned that mentioning something would ruin everything they had built together. But how could she afford not to? If the relationship was already on life support, as Victoria suspected it was, one wrong move or untimely question could threaten everything. For now, her questions would remain unanswered, and she would sleep.

Stephanie struggled to move from the bed to the wheelchair to make her way out of the hospital. The pain, excruciating, flooded her entire body. She had just received another dose of analgesics from the nurse before leaving, which had yet to begin working. Isabella, outside her room, was engaged in a dispute with the head nurse. Her daughter's wallet, containing both her health plan identification and her birth certificate had been stolen the night before. There was no proof of who she was, or that she was entitled to public heath coverage. There were facts to support Isabella's claim, most obviously the fact her daughter was admitted after such a brutal attack. However, Isabella still had to fill out all of the forms to support this claim, and to assure the hospital that steps would be taken to replace all of the missing identification, and that proof would then be provided to the hospital at that time. The other nurse, who had been tending to Stephanie, wheeled her out to meet Isabella at the nurse's station. Isabella had taken another day off work, and her boss had seemingly been understanding. The situation between Stephanie and her mother, was far less simple. The two had yet to have a full conversation. Isabella, afraid to ask the details of what had happened, and Stephanie, reluctant to remember. The memories were almost more painful than the remaining injuries. What she wanted, more than anything, was to forget the entire experience, and to simply put it behind. She knew, however, that staying with Isabella for a while meant there would be questions. Lots of questions. And she would either have to answer, or lie.

Victoria awoke mid afternoon, and made her way out to the kitchen. The house was quiet, and she looked from room to room for Dimitri. He was nowhere to be found. Returning to the kitchen, she noticed a note on the table. "Had to run out, be back soon" it read. Just that quickly, the worry machine resumed its function, at full speed. Victoria decided she was no longer hungry for lunch, and made her way to the washroom for a shower. As she stepped in, the warm water pelting her skin felt wonderful. So soothing, so relaxing. If only this act of cleansing could remove this feeling of worry deep within her. She could accept if the relationship were ending. In fact, she almost expected this outcome, but to have the relationship deteriorate behind secrets she didn't understand was taking a toll on her emotions. As she stepped out of the shower, she could hear a voice in the background. Had she left a radio on? No, she hadn't turned anything on after waking up. It was Dimitri! Victoria listened closely, trying to make out what he was saying.

She could hear Dimitri say: "Yeah, I just got back. It's not good. How long have you known?" He continued: "Yeah I am gonna have to say something, but you know, I haven't exactly been careful if you know what I mean". After that sentence, Dimitri walked into a different room, and
Victoria could no longer hear what he was saying. But she did know now, for sure, that something was definitely wrong, and she feared the worst.

Isabella pulled Stephanie forward, arranging pillows behind her so she could rest comfortably as they settled in back at Isabella's place. Stephanie, heavily sedated on narcotic pain killers, drifted off to sleep almost immediately. Isabella made her way into the kitchen, and boiled the kettle to make a cup of tea. As she waited for the water to finish heating, she went back to the corner of the living room, and watched her daughter sleep on the sofa. Now that that initial shock of the ordeal had worn off, Isabella was now beginning the process of accepting what had happened, and trying to work her way through the myriad of emotion which was overwhelming her. Thankfulness; she was thankful her daughter was alive and well, and would recover. Afraid; afraid of how much worse things could have been, and how close she felt she had been to losing her baby. Anger; so much anger within her toward whoever had done this to her daughter. In her mind, her daughter was fighting a drug problem, and living a nightmare of a life. And yes, she did terrible things, but no one deserves to have this done to them. Seeing your child hurt, or worse, is every parent's nightmare. And for Isabella, this nightmare was occurring. She so badly wanted to be able to protect her daughter, in every facet of her life. But this is not reality. Children grow up, they grow independent, and a parent's power to protect them is greatly diminished, if not expired all together. The most she could hope for, was that she had given her daughter the tools, that if applied, would enable her to turn her life around. She was prepared, and willing, to be by her side throughout everything. With tears streaming down her face, Isabella went to finish making her tea, and to try to work through the emotions which were consuming her.

Victoria sat on the sofa, watching television, as her patient was in his bed sleeping. Another night alone providing home care. She enjoyed her job, but a part of her was still raging from hearing Dimitri earlier in the day. She wanted to put on her coat, storm to his home and confront him. Apparently, fate would not deem that necessary, as her phone began to ring. It was Dimitri.

"Babe, I've got to tell you something" he began, "the last woman I was with had something, and told me recently about it. I went and got checked yesterday, and I have it too". Victoria was frozen, trying to process what he was saying.

"I should have told you sooner, but I was scared. I am a horrible person. But I had to tell you now, because we haven't exactly been careful".

Victoria's rage had subsided and been replaced by fear. The "what if" thoughts started swirling through her head. She felt sorry for Dimitri, having had to go through this alone, and tried her best to reassure him that he was not a bad person. Naivety took over, and Victoria almost loved him more now, with him having had the courage to tell her. She realized that no decent person would have kept this a secret, however, at the same time, she still somehow felt that Dimitri was the one for her. After accepting his apology, and doing her best to reassure him that she still loved him, she ended the call. The secret was out, and in her mind, the relationship was saved. But she had a bigger concern now, her health.

Next week on Beyond What Divides Us: Tensions rise between Isabella and Stephanie, and a new wave of drama sweeps through their relationship causing major issues. Also: Victoria and Dimitri struggle to get things back on track. All seems to be resolved, but that doesn't last. One of them will be leaving the show!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-02-26T13:00:00.003-05:00

Victoria watched the sun rise, as she walked home from a long night at work. The time had flown by at work, as she had found herself lost most of the time in thought. She had been lucky, the man she was caring for had slept soundly, and required minimum attention. In her mind, Victoria could not stop replaying the parts of the Dimitri's conversation from the night before that she heard. There was no question in her mind that he was hiding something, the only remaining question: what is it? While she hoped that perhaps he was planning a surprise for her, she could not rid herself of the feeling that this was something more. He had mentioned having to find something out. What could he be looking to find out that she could not be included in? With the sun fully risen, Victoria stopped for a moment to take a look at the time. Dimitri, would most likely be relaxing over his morning cup of coffee, before preparing for work. Should she call him? If she did, she may get some sort of answer to these questions that were plaguing her mind. On the other hand, a call could perhaps intensify the mystery, and cause more anxiety and confusion. She had been awake for over twenty four hours, and needed rest. She could not afford to become upset now, just minutes before arriving home, and climbing into bed, before working again in the evening. No, she could not wait. She needed to hear his voice, and perhaps get some answers. Pulling her mobile phone from her handbag, Victoria began dialing Dimitri's number. Expecting to hear his morning voice, she was shocked. "Hello?" Dimitri answered, sounding very alert.

"Hi" Victoria replied.

"Babe, I am just at an appointment, talk to you later?" Dimitri said.

"Ok, talk to you then." Victoria answered. She was very troubled. He had not mentioned an appointment before. Something was definitely wrong, and the worry had indeed intensified.

Isabella nervously sat on the tram, wishing it would go faster. She had received a phone call from the hospital, that her daughter had been admitted and she needed to get there as quickly as possible. With her new found job still on the line, she worried that taking the day off was going to seal her fate of unemployment. This concern, though severe, was a secondary worry compared to the fear of what had happened to her daughter. The hospital had refused to give details over the phone, only encouraging her to come in as quickly as possible. Had had daughter overdosed? Had she been attacked? The fear was overwhelming. Isabella wished so badly that she could have taken a taxi and arrived sooner, but money was tight if not non-existent. There was no alternative for her. The tram was filled with business professionals, all on their way to the office for the day. Isabella almost sat in resentment, as she watched these people continue on with their normal lives. For her, it seemed, everything was more difficult. Her battle with schizophrenia, her daughter's situation, her job which barely covered the bills. Indeed, she did not have a simple life. But, inside, she was a fighter, and determined. She was aware, that even the strongest of people sometimes get pushed beyond capacity. She felt this way here, in this moment. Overwhelmed by fear for her daughter, concern for her job, and the fear that both would not have a happy ending. Looking back, she wondered what she could have done differently to avoid this outcome. She wondered if maybe she had started the medication sooner, or been a little stronger, perhaps her daughter's life would not be in such a state. Logically, however, she knew that her daughter was over twenty now, and making her own decisions. There was little she could do now, but watch, and offer support and guidance if her daughter would only accept it.

Victoria stared at her ceiling, as she struggled to get control over her anxiety. She needed to rest, but found herself unable to slow her thoughts down. What was happening? How had everything turned so quickly from absolute bliss, to this mysterious situation which was causing her so much discomfort? This was beyond changing her appearance to please him, or joining a gym, this was so much more. He was hiding something from her, and whatever it was, had to be serious. The phone call, and now the appointment, what was he hiding? These events continued to play like a record skipping in her mind. Was he seeing another woman? Was he involved with some kind of illegal activity? The longer she thought, the more bizarre the options became. Fatigued, confused, and anxious, Victoria was becoming less rational with each moment that passed. She wanted an answer, and she wanted it now. A healthy relationship, is built on love. Love is built on trust. Without trust, how could they love each other and have a relationship? What was worse, is how could she confront him about what she had heard, or his strange behaviour, without undoing all the good she had accomplished with her physical changes? Did she even truly want to leave Dimitri, or did she want to work through whatever was coming between them? The trust, slowly shattering, was something she did not want to accept. She could not bring herself to envision Dimitri as dishonest, but all the signs were pointing in that direction. Becoming increasingly frustrated with her racing thoughts and inability to sleep, Victoria began to get dressed. She would go to Dimitri's house, and wait for him there until he came home. Enough was enough.

"Excuse me, Madame, you can see her now" the nurse said, motioning Isabella toward the room where her daughter was. Isabella slowly collected her jacket and handbag, and made her way towards the door. She was afraid of what she might see beyond. Her daughter, had been attacked and had been unconscious for quite some time after an overdose on an illegal street drug. As Isabella made her way through the doorway, her daughter lay in bed in front of her, barely recognizable. Several strips of gauze covered portions of her face, where she had received stitches to close her wounds. Her left eye, swollen to nearly double its normal size, and badly bruised. Her body, though not visible, a mess of bruising where she had been kicked repeatedly. Her identification, money, and possessions she had with her, now all gone. All of these things, a small loss, compared to what else was taken. These attackers, had taken something far more valuable from her, leaving injuries that lie deep within her, not visible. "Stephanie, it's me, mom" Isabella said quietly, struggling to keep the tears from flowing. Stephanie slowly turned her head, and tried her best to look at her mother. With her left eye so swollen, she could only see through her right eye. Seeing the look on her mother's face, Stephanie looked downward, then rolled her head the other way, looking toward the window. Isabella was at a loss for words, and it seemed Stephanie was as well. Isabella gently placed her hand on her daughter's arm, and left it resting there, as she stared at her baby, the woman she had brought into the world, wondering how this could have possibly happened.

Victoria approached Dimitri's house, surprised to see his car in the driveway. That must have been a very short appointment, she thought, as she approached the door, and rang the bell. A few seconds later, the door opened, and there was Dimitri holding his phone to his ear. He motioned her to come in, and asked whoever he was talking with to hold for a moment. He told Victoria to sit down on the sofa, and said he'd be right back as soon as he was done the call. Again, he went into the bedroom, and closed the door. The exact same routine as the night before. Victoria, more curious and anxious than ever, quietly approached the closed door. Leaning in, she again could make out pieces of what he was saying. "Yeah I did, but I won't know anything for a bit. I will let you know as soon as I find out". What did this mean? It were as if he were talking in riddles deliberately designed to confuse Victoria.

He continued: "Now's not the right time for that, I will talk to her if I need to. I know I should say something, but I just don't think it's the right time. We're still new, you know?" What was still new? Victoria was becoming upset. This was all just too much. And what was worse, is that it made no sense.

Dimitri spoke again: "Yes, sure, and send her running. That's exactly what I want to do. C'mon, think about it. This is private, you know that. I might tell her, I might not. This is my life, and it might not even affect her."

Sensing he was close to finishing the conversation, Victoria made her way back to the sofa. Feeling her blood boiling within her, she struggled to remain composed, for when Dimitri inevitably came out of the bedroom.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Victoria learns Dimitri's secret, and struggles against desire to run, and her unwillingness to do so. Also: Stephanie is released from the hospital, and Isabella has to come to terms with everything that's happening!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-02-25T13:00:00.003-05:00

Dimitri lay on his bed, deep in slumber. Victoria, next to him, could not sleep. Carefully climbing out of the bed, she made her way into the washroom, to glance into the mirror. Her new look was wonderful on her, and she was pleased with her purchase. The difference to her appearance, however, was not extremely noticeable. Taking off her new glasses, she continued to analyze the reflection looking back at her. Indeed, she was beautiful without her glasses on, as Dimitri had pointed out, but equally so with them on. What difference did this make? Victoria struggled to recognize the importance, and for a moment, questioned Dimitri's motives. He knew what she looked like the very moment they met. He was interested in that woman. She shook her head as she cracked a smile, feeling foolish. Dimitri had never implied she was not beautiful as she were, he just expressed his preference for her without glasses and suggested that she may want to go to the gym (under the disguise of her wanting it for herself). In Victoria's mind, she rationalized all of this as her overreacting to Dimitri simply stating his preference. She dismissed the notion that perhaps, Dimitri was trying to change her. Love and lust are both strange things. Under the spell, people often dismiss acts or try to rationalize them, because to accept them, is to realize the misconception we have toward the person we most desire. Indeed, Dimitri was trying to change Victoria. Trying, and succeeding. And Victoria, not waning to lose Dimitri, was allowing it to happen.

Ethan sat quietly in the living room of his mother's house, staring blankly outward at the frozen lake. This small town, where he had spent seventeen years of his life, seemed to never change. Each day, it seemed, Toronto was changing in some way or other. New buildings, new paths, new transit lines. But here amidst the quiet central Kawarthas, it were as if time stood still. Time had done anything but stand still for Ethan over the past few years. In fact, it were as if the clock had been racing itself, trying to reach a finish line yet to be announced. So much change had occurred for Ethan, that at times, he felt he didn't even have time to adjust before another wave of change swept through. From a high school dropout, to a telemarketer, to a Manager of Quality Assurance, to a Corporate Analyst. Indeed, career wise, he had evolved and grown. Then all at once, as the economy began to collapse, it was ripped out from beneath him. As if having a vacuum created by the new found void in his life, Marcel had appeared. Filling the empty time, and seemly giving Ethan a purpose again. When his relationship with Marcel collapsed for the final time, Josh had appeared and again filled the vacuum. Now, with both of these figures firmly in the past, what would fill the void? Ethan wanted it to be, and it needed to be, employment. Having looked for a suitable position earlier in the day, Ethan became excited when he discovered two openings exactly in his field. But with the stiff competition, did he stand a chance? With resumes sent, and applications completed, all he could do now, was wait.

Victoria began to cook dinner, as a surprise and nice gesture for Dimitri. He was a simple "man's man", and didn't particularly care for the more fancy dishes. Pork chops and scalloped potatoes would be the menu tonight. This was one of his favourites, and combined with the commencement of her physical transformation, Victoria hoped to boost his interest in her, and to help resume the fast and furious pace the two had shared before. As she placed the food into the oven to cook, Victoria felt very anxious. She was greatly concerned at Dimitri's strange and controlling behaviour, but she had twisted the situation in her mind to try to justify it. What was she doing wrong, she wondered. It couldn't possibly be Dimitri's character which was flawed. No, it had to be her. She was noticing a pattern here, and it was definitely concerning. Philippe had fallen out of love with her, and now she feared that Dimitri was going the same route. Walking through his apartment, Victoria glanced into the bedroom at Dimitri sleeping. She did not want this to end, but rather to continue and blossom. She wanted to find her way back to the closeness and safety she had felt with Philippe, and to cross that boundary. To go further, experience more, and to find what lies beyond the barrier which always seemed inevitable in a close relationship. Victoria sat down at the kitchen table as dinner cooked, and began looking through pages of a magazine. These women, all so sexy and provocative. Why is it, Victoria could not appear this way? She certainly had the looks, and definitely the intelligence, but what was it about these women? Standing rigid, in front of a fake backdrop, yet the energy pouring from their image seemed to scream "you want me now" to all the men, and "you want to be me" to all the women. What would it take for Victoria to have that power? She would love to be as these women are, and hoping intently that all of Dimitri's suggestions would help her to achieve it.

Ethan continued to look out over the frozen lake. His train of thought was interrupted by his mobile phone ringing. Looking at the screen, it was Victoria. He was glad to hear from her, and eagerly answered the call. Victoria sounded unusually upbeat, and began to tell Ethan of her recent reconciliation with Dimitri. She told him how good it felt to finally have a man who desired her, and of the passion the two shared. She told Ethan of her recent purchases and of the gym membership Dimitri had bought for her. Ethan became greatly concerned listening to Victoria. He was glad that she was so excited for her changes, but he questioned the motivation. It sounded to him, like Dimitri was trying to change Victoria into the woman he wanted her to be. Ethan believed, that Victoria should be loved for her, just as she is, and that any changes should be because she wants to make them, not to please someone else. Ethan tried to subtly express his concern to Victoria, but she would hear none of it. She assured Ethan that she was happy, and doing these things because she wanted to. Years before, Victoria had been involved with a boy who controlled her. She was seventeen, not yet an adult, and wanting to feel secure, had slowly allowed herself to be controlled. This boy, had forbidden Victoria to see her friends, including Ethan. The fear for Ethan now, was that history would repeat itself, and that slowly, Victoria was going to fall under a similar spell with Dimitri. Ethan did not think Victoria weak, or foolish, but he was only too aware of the power of love, and the consequences. It was not so long ago that Ethan was being held hostage by his feelings for Marcel, and Victoria was trying to bring Ethan back to reality. Things had resolved for Ethan, and so they would for Victoria also. The damage caused by the time with Marcel was extensive, however, and Ethan hoped things would not get to that point for Victoria.

Sitting at the dinner table, Victoria was clearly proud of the meal she had prepared. Dimitri, seemed impressed, as he enjoyed the food. The two talked about many things, none of particular importance. Dimitri was returning to work the following day, after having had four days off. He was not looking forward to this. Working in manufacturing was not a clean job, and was physically exhausting. Victoria, too, was returning to work later in the evening. She had a shift with the home care society, and would be spending the overnight hours at a home with a senior, making sure he was alright and taken care of. She found this type of work very rewarding, although the hours made it very difficult for her to maintain a normal routine. Dimitri's mobile phone sounded from his pocket, and looking at the screen, he told Victoria he would be back in a moment. This was very strange, considering they always spoke on their phones in front of one another. Dimitri went into the bedroom, and closed the door. Victoria, still seated at the dinner table, felt extremely anxious. What was happening? Who had called that was so important, and private, that Dimitri would have to retreat to a private room to have the conversation? Something was off, and Victoria needed to know what it was. Standing up, being careful not to make any noise, Victoria quietly proceeded to the doorway to the bedroom. Leaning in, she struggled to make out what Dimitri was saying. This was difficult, as she could only hear one side of the conversation, and Dimitri was speaking in a very low tone.

"This is what I was afraid of... What are the chances?" she heard Dimitri say. This was followed by a long silence as the person on the other end of the line spoke. "I'll find out, but I'm not telling her. I'll let you know as soon as I know." What was he going to find out? Who wasn't he going to tell? Victoria began to become very nervous as she continued to listen. "Look, I've only been back with this girl for a couple of weeks, I'm not telling her. I have to go, she's going to know some thing's wrong if I stay on here. I'll be in touch." Victoria quickly made her way back to the dinner table, and sat down. She heard the bedroom door open, and a moment later, Dimitri appeared. "Sorry about that" he said. Victoria looked at him, and smiled, not showing the fear she felt inside. What she had just heard changed everything, and now, she had to find out somehow what Dimitri was hiding.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Dimitri's secret begins to eat away at his relationship with Victoria, and Isabella's world is thrown into chaos when she receives news about her daughter!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-02-23T13:00:00.002-05:00

Victoria stood in front of the mirror, as she tried to decide which pair of glasses to choose. This was about more than a simple change of accessories, this was about maintaining and increasing Dimitri's interest. Oval frames, rectangular frames, even round frames with a true retro feel. Inside, she didn't even want to replace her glasses. Her current pair, though two years old, suited her and seemed to frame her face very well. But Dimitri had hinted to her, not even subtly, that he found her more attractive without glasses at all. She had already decided to purchase a pair of contact lenses, but it was only logical to replace her glasses too. If this had been anyone close to her, changing their appearance to appease a man, she would have strongly disapproved of the notion. Things were different in her situation. Dimitri was the man of her dreams, and she could not afford for him to lose interest. Indeed, she could not, especially over something as trivial and irrelevant as glasses. He clearly was attracted to her, and did desire her, but with him so bluntly making the comments about her physique and now her choice of eye wear, she obviously had work to do. Victoria was blinded by desire, and the promise of love. She knew that the changes of appearance were so trivial, and totally superficial. She understood that these things should be irrelevant, but somehow in this instance, they seemed not to be. Dimitri, sitting on a bench in the mall outside the store, was not helping her to make this choice. If it were so important to him, one might expect him to be engaged in the process. Victoria, however, was fully focused on her transformation. This strange behaviour did not register with her.

Isabella poured two cups of tea, as she sat facing her daughter at the kitchen table. A deafening silence filled the room, as the two made eye contact but neither speaking. Her daughter had come home this morning, which could only mean one thing. She was going to ask for money. Isabella both wished for, and hated these moments. It was always such a relief to see her daughter, for this meant that she was still alive. However, this was fully bittersweet, as she knew whatever money she would give her daughter would be used for drugs. Isabella, herself, was struggling to make ends meet. With the trouble at her new job recently, losing her income all together had become a real threat. What she feared more than this, was the inevitable phone call from the police if she did not give her daughter money. Her daughter, historically, had resorted to prostitution, theft, among other things when she needed money for her ever present addiction. Rehabilitation, at this point, wasn't even an option anymore. She had been in and out of clinics so many times, they refused to admit her anymore. Every bed filled with a person unwilling to rehabilitate meant someone who truly was open to help was not receiving the treatment they desperately sought. The silence was finally broken, when Isabella asked her daughter how she had been doing, being careful not to let her concern or fear show. The answer, always the same, was neutral and nondescript. Her daughter, always careful not to give too much information, had become a master of manipulation when it came to Isabella. If her mother were too comforted, she would not give her money, for it was fear that kept the dollars flowing. At the same time, to cause too much fear would cause Isabella to become protective and limit the freedom she had. As the two continued their discussion, the tension in the room was unbearable. Isabella hoping that perhaps, this time, her daughter would ask for help rather than money. Her daughter, waiting for the perfect moment to make the request.

Ethan hurriedly packed his travel luggage, and prepared to leave his apartment. His search for employment had not gone well. His experience, though totally relevant, was not in high demand in a crumbling economy. The refreshed feeling from Niagara had subsided, and now, Ethan found himself highly anxious as he wondered what he would do to survive financially. Until recently, he would have simply turned to sedatives and narcotics to numb the feeling and make everything seem alright. But this method, though effective, had not proven sustainable. Ethan had bordered on addiction with these substances, as he had found himself turning to them more and more amidst the Marcel saga and Josh fiasco. He had, somehow, managed to leave the drugs behind. The withdrawal, though minimal, had not been pleasant, and should he become reliant on the substances again, he would have to start from the beginning once more. The biggest challenge, for Ethan, was the cost. These substances were very expensive, and with him wondering where the rent would come from the following month, it did not seem to be a justified expense. Instead, Ethan decided it would be advantageous to take some time in his home town to stay with his family. Although he would have to conceal his anxiety with them, and appear though all is well, they would be able to support him. With the Internet providing nearly all job opportunities and methods of application, he would be able to continue his search for employment from his mother's home nearly 200 kilometres away. He needed time away from his friends, and from the threat of another appearance by Marcel. Ethan walked to the exit, left the apartment, and locked the door.

Victoria's heart was racing, as she waited for her debit payment to clear for her new eye wear. Her shifts at work had been dramatically reduced lately, which left her with significantly less dispensable income. In theory, Victoria should not be making any major unnecessary purchases right now. Two hundred dollars for eye wear, in her mind, was a small price to pay to retain Dimitri. Was it truly that important, she wondered? If she hadn't made this investment, would he still desire and be interested in her? Turning around, glancing out of the shop toward the atrium of the mall, she looked at Dimitri, who was sitting consumed in text messages. For someone who seemed so keen on seeing Victoria change her look, he was showing very little interest in participating. Victoria, took this as a sign that she truly had made the right decision. If already, he was showing a diminished interest, this transformation was exactly what was needed. She decided, in her mind, she was going to begin going to the gym daily. This purchase today, suddenly seemed justified. Dimitri had spoken, and she had listened. She would do whatever was necessary to keep him.

"I really wish you wouldn't go", Isabella said as her daughter put her coat on. For her daughter, it was mission accomplished. She had received the money she sought when she came over for the visit. For Isabella, it was not such a happy ending. With the departure of her daughter, another round of several days of anxiety would commence. In her mind, images of her daughter purchasing illegal street drugs and laying on a mattress in a flop house somewhere ran rampant. Her daughter had already been attacked several times, having all of her belongings and identification stolen. She had become pregnant, she had been arrested, Isabella was afraid to think what would happen this time. This was the routine. The next step, would be a several day disappearance during which time, Isabella would have no idea where her daughter was. Would she be safe? Would she overdose? Would she wind up in the hands of someone who would take advantage of her? Isabella's greatest fear, was receiving a phone call that her daughter's body had been found. This was not unrealistic, or paranoia, for indeed this was the ending that many homeless young women met. Sexual and physical assault were not simply concerns with her lifestyle, they were realities. Both, already having happened many times, one of these times Isabella feared it would go to the next level. A level which her daughter could never return from. With each goodbye, Isabella was well aware it could be their last. With all of the demons of her own that Isabella fought daily, she did not necessarily have the capacity to address her concerns with her daughter that the average mother would. In some ways, Isabella felt responsible for her daughter's life. Perhaps she had played a role in her daughter coming to this place, however Isabella did realise that her daughter was refusing all offers of help from both her, and professionals. Without the acceptance of help, Isabella truly was powerless to do anything to help her daughter. As her daughter walked down the driveway toward the tram stop, Isabella did the only thing she could. Waved goodbye with a smile on her face, and prayed that she would again see her daughter in a few days, if only for another request for money.

Preview from tomorrow's episode: Dimitri's behaviour becomes increasingly bizarre, and Victoria wonders if he's hiding something from her. Also: Ethan and Victoria catch up, and Ethan tries to warn Victoria of his concerns for her!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.

2009-02-20T13:00:00.005-05:00

Ethan slowly opened his eyes. The sunlight, shining in through the window was nearly blinding. He had arrived back home late from Niagara, and now he was awaking having already missed half the day. There was something about going to Niagara that was so invigorating, not only there in the moment, but it had a lasting effect. Reality, inevitably, had to return. Ethan found himself now better prepared to look at his situation objectively, and almost even with hope. This was the first time in over a year, that his life and personal circumstance was at the top of his priority list. He found himself unsure if he had buried himself in trying to save Marcel out of pure interest of helping, or perhaps, it had just been easier to try to fix someone Else's problems. Regardless, the time of trying to help and fix everyone else had passed. Now, it was all about Ethan. He was ready. Opening his file folder containing all of his financial statements and information, he prepared a work space at his desk, and began to look though and analyze everything. This was where he needed to start. Without income, without the ability to stay afloat financially, all else would also fail.

Isabella sat down on the train, waiting to depart for Hamilton. One hour, just one more hour, and she would have her medication again. She had been falling apart quickly since her near accident the night before. Stepping out into that intersection, she had nearly been struck by a car. Luckily, the left turn lane was empty, and the car was able to apply the breaks heavily and swerve to miss her. The entire event was blurred for her now. She had known, before ever leaving her home the day before, that she was without her medication. She knew of the symptoms, she had indeed felt them before. But when it started, when she began to feel the paranoia, when the voices would ever so softly call her name, it was nearly impossible to keep it in perspective. We rely on our senses to tell us everything. A scent, a sound, a touch. When your senses fail, what becomes reality? Reality is what is experienced when all senses work together providing common information. If something isn't there, but you still hear it, or see it, or smell it, does it make it any less real? Even here, in this moment, glancing around, Isabella sensed someone was there watching her. There were four other people on her deck of the bi-level train carriage. Two engaged in their news papers, another staring out the window. The fourth person, an older woman, was searching through her handbag for something. Isabella, the last thing on their minds, and them the only thing on hers. Only one more hour, and all of this would be under control again. Pressing the side of her head against the window, Isabella closed her eyes and tried to get some rest as the train began to pull out.

Victoria stepped out on to her balcony, nervously holding her beer. Lighting a cigarette, she stared blankly ahead at the light snow that was falling. She had three hours until she was scheduled to meet with Dimitri. Something did not feel right today, and this was a feeling she could not rid herself of. She had spoken with Dimitri a short while earlier, and something he had said caused her great concern. He was needing to stop over to pick things up from his previous girlfriend's home. Why did this bother Victoria so much? This, in theory, should be good news! This should provide closure, and further proof that he truly was finished with this other woman. Victoria had done the same thing months earlier, when her relationship with Philippe had come to its end. For some reason, however, she could not get over the nervousness which she felt inside. Seeing this woman, being alone with her, what if he changed his mind? What if they found themselves attracted to one another, and had to experience each other one last time? No, no; this was foolish. Dimitri was not like other men. He was kind, sensitive, and caring. He would never betray Victoria. Stepping back into her apartment, Victoria began to start getting ready. She would make herself up more than usual tonight, to make herself feel more desirable, and to remind Dimitri what he has in her. Staring in front of the mirror, Victoria carefully began applying her cosmetics, giving her eyes a deep and captivating smokey look. Her hair, ironed completely straight, framed her face and flowed beautifully each time she moved her head. Her dress, form fitting, showed off her curves and with a nice a-line at the bottom, swayed effortlessly with each step. She looked, and felt incredible. She was pleased, and she knew Dimitri would be too.

Searching the online employment sites, Ethan was met with a great challenge. His experience, though extensive, was focused mainly in the management and analytical fields. With the world now firmly in a recession, businesses failing, the last thing they were looking for were analysts and managers. When business is down, what is there to analyze or manage? Ethan was not about to be discouraged. He knew what he had to offer, and one way or another, he would find a place to apply this. In the interim, if necessary, he would take a lesser position perhaps not even in his field. The main focus, as Ethan saw it, was to get working. With employment, comes financial security, and above that, routine. Routine, a word most people cringe at the thought of, was exactly what Ethan needed. A forced method of introspection; a way to ensure his focus remained on him, and not on others, or worse yet, matters of the heart again. When it comes to love, the heart will always overpower the logic of the mind. We all long to be loved, and to love, but this is useless without a firm foundation and control of one's life. The time with Marcel, and to a lesser extent Josh, had been almost exclusively the controlling factor in Ethan's life. His focus, had been entirely on making his relationships work (albeit with men who were unstable and misguided). No longer would this be the case. It couldn't be. Ethan deserved better, more; and from this moment forward, he would settle for nothing less.

Victoria lay next to Dimitri, gazing into his eyes as the two radiated in afterglow. The fire, the passion, had relieved and reassured Victoria, and she felt more confident than ever. "I have something for you", Dimitri said, as he opened the drawer next to the bed pulling out an envelope. Victoria was speechless. "It's a late Valentine's day gift" Dimitri said smiling. Excited, Victoria opened up the envelope. Inside, was a membership to a local fitness club. "You seem to focus a lot on your looks", Dimitri continued, "hopefully this will help you look better". Wait. Full stop! Help her look better? Did she need help looking better? It would be one thing, if his concern was for her to feel better, but for her get help looking better? Was this simply a poor choice of words on his part, or did he believe she needed to improve her appearance? Had he simply been settling for her, despite what he perceived as a flawed appearance? She decided, it was best to keep these questions to herself, and thanked him making sure to flash a radiant smile. As they stepped out of bed, Victoria put her glasses on. Dimitri was staring at Victoria.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Have you ever thought about contact lenses?"

"Not really, I like my glasses and contacts aren't comfortable"

"Oh, I think you look so beautiful without your glasses"

Victoria's insecurities went into overdrive. She was only beautiful without her glasses on? First the gym membership, and now this? She realized she had mentioned wanting to join a gym, but it was the delivery of the gift which made it all feel wrong. "Help you look better" followed by "I think you look beautiful without your glasses". Victoria knew what she had to do. If she wanted to keep Dimitri interested, she would have to make sure her appearance was exactly what he was looking for. After meeting so many men who were clearly wrong for her, she was not about to let this fall apart.

"Would you like to come to the mall with me?" Victoria asked shyly.

"What for"?

"Well, I think maybe you're right. It's time for a change. New glasses and a pair of contacts".
Dimitri smiled, and walked up to Victoria wrapping his arms around her. Leaning in, he whispered in her ear:

"I'd love to babe, how about we have a shower together first"?

Next week on Beyond What Divides Us: Victoria gives in to Dimitri's demands, not seeing he is trying to change her. Ethan becomes greatly concerned for Victoria, as he can see his manipulation and controlling ways! Also: Dimitri has a secret, and Victoria begins to figure out something isn't right. What is Dimitri hiding? As the lies and secrets begin to unravel, it could threaten everything!

© X_MEDIA 2009

Comments? Feel free to leave a comment below.