• Want to publicize lesser-known Chinese?
• Shelha & Language Endangerment
• Squeezing in for a bite of shit
• Finger painting characters, dressed as a Qing eunuch
• Contractions & Logographic Writing
• English spelling vs Hanzi
• Hanzi Mistakeholders
• Languoid
• “Dialect” and China — a word without borders
• The character that beat the shit out of me
• Scripts and banned words
• Eight-legged news reports

[See this page for line-by-line playback of audio with the transcript below.]

[See post to listen to audio]

1	SJ	Pǔtōnghuà shuōde bùcuò	Your Mandarin’s not bad	普通话说得不错
2	LW1	Hái còuhe	Passable.	还凑合
3	SJ	Nǐ něiguóde?	What country are you from?	你哪国的？
4	LW1	Měiguó de	America	美国的
5	SJ	Měiguó de a.	Oh, America.	美国的啊。
6	SJ	Pǔtōng wèir hái kěyǐ a	That standard pronunciation’s pretty good.	你说的这味儿还可以啊
7	LW1	Zài Běijīng dāide shíjiān cháng	Been in Beijing for a long time	在北京呆的时间长
8	SJ	Dāi de shíjiān cháng? Kuài qī nián le?	Stayed here for a long time? Almost seven years?	呆的时间长了？快7年了？
9	SJ	Dà Shān shuōde cái zhèng ne, wèir cái zhèng ne. Dà Shān wèir shuōde zhèng.	The way Dashan [Canadian Mark Rowswell] speaks, now *that* is proper pronunciation. Dashan has a really proper accent.	大山说的才正呢，味儿才正呢。大山味儿说的正。
10	SJ	Tā nèige yě shì yīge Zhōngguó tōng. Zhīdào Dà Shān ma? Jiānádà nèige.	That guy’s a real China hand. You know Dashan? That Canadian?	他那个是一个中国通。知道大山吗？加拿大那个。
11	SYZ	Bùzhīdào. Shì shéi?	No, who is he?	不知道。是谁？
12	SJ	[xiào] Nǐ de Zhōngguóhuà shuōde hái kěyǐ.	[laughing] Your Chinese is really okay.	【笑】你的中国话说的还可以。
13	SJ	Nèi huí wǒ lāguò yīhuí Dà Shān.	I picked up Dashan once.	那回我拉过一回大山。
14	LW1	Shì ma?	Really?	是吗？
15	SJ	Wǒ yī kàn tā shànglái, wǒ shuō āiyōu “nǐ shì Dà Shān ma?” Tā shuō, “Nǐ rènde wǒ a?” Wǒ shuō, “nà kěbushì ma!”	As soon as I see him get in I say wow “are you Dashan?” He says, “You recognize me?” I say, “Well how couldn’t I!”	我一看他上来，我说哎呦“你是大山吗？”他说“你认得我啊？”我说“那可不是嘛！”
16	SJ	Wǒ shuō nǐ tm zhǎo wàiguórén duō hǎo a. Wǒ shuō wàiguórén yào nǎr yǒu nǎr. Nǐ fēiděi tm zhǎo Zhōngguórén. Tā shuō wǒ xǐhuān dōng — Zhōngguó nǚde, jiùshi shòuxiǎo.	I say why the hell didn’t you get yourself a foreigner (for a wife). I said foreigners have what you want where you want it. What the hell do you insist on a Chinese for? He says I like eastern — Chinese women, small and thin.	我说你他妈找外国人多好啊，我说外国人要哪儿有哪儿。你非得他妈的找中国人。他说我喜欢东，中国女的，就是瘦小。
17	SJ	Tā shuō wǒ xǐhuān Zhōngguó nǚde. Tā shuō, gēmenr, nǐ bùzhīdào: wàiguórén pìgu tài dà. [xiào]	He says “I like Chinese women.” He says, “Man, you have no idea: foreigners’ butts are too big.” [laughing]	他说我喜欢中国女的。他说哥们儿，你不知道：外国人屁股太大。【笑】
18	SJ	Tā gēn wǒ shuōde, [bùqīngchu] wàiguórén pìgu tài dà.	He says to me, [unclear] foreigners’ butts are too big.	他跟我说的【不清楚】外国人屁股太大。
19	LW1	Yángrén hěn sè.	Westerners are pretty oversexed.	洋人很色。
20	SJ	Zhǎole yīgè Zhōngguó xífur. Nà háiyòng shuō ya? Shéi tāmāde bù sè?!	Got himself a Chinese wife. [responding to comment] What kind of talk is that? Who the hell’s not oversexed?!	找了一个中国媳妇儿。那还用说呀？谁他妈的不色呀？
21	LW1	Tā hái zhù zài zhèibian?	Does he still live around here?	他还住在这边？
22	SJ	Wǒ shuō nǐ méi shuō xiāngshēng a? Tā shuō méiyǒu, xiànzài zuò mǎimài ne.	I say, “You’re not doing crosstalk?” He says no, now he’s doing business.	我说你没说相声啊？他说没有，现在做买卖呢 。
23	SJ	Tǐng yǒu yìsi. Tā bù jiù zài nà diànshì lǐ, shì ba, diànshì guǎnggào. Diànshì –	Really interesting. He’s really always on TV, right, TV ads, TV —	做生意呢。他不就在那电视里，在那儿，是吧，电视广告。电视——
24	SJ	diànshì lǐ tā lǎo jiāo yīngyǔ,	on TV he’s always teaching English,	电视里他老教英语，
25	LW1	a shì ma?	oh really?	啊是吗？
26	SJ	qì chē nèi guǎnggào [bùqīngchu]	doing those car advertisements [unclear]	汽车那广告，不就是净，净【不清楚】
27	SJ	Zhè shì Zhōngguórén zhīdao. Wàiguórén bìng bùrènshi tā.	Chinese know about him. Foreigners don’t recognize him at all.	这是中国人知道。外国人并不认识他。
28	SYZ	Bìng bù rènshì tā!	They really don’t!	并不认识他
29	SJ	Zhè shì nǐmen Zhōngguóren — zhè shì nǐmen wàiguórén zài Zhōngguó, a, nà shéi shuō nà shéi bù cuò… nǐmen zhīdao.	You Chinese — I mean, you foreigners in China — well, who’s to say who’s hot and who’s not.	这是你们中国人，这是你们外国人在中国，啊啊，那谁说那谁不错。。你们知道
30	SJ	Nǐ yào wèn Jiānādàrén, tā bùzhīdào. Tā shuō shéi shì Dàshān? Shéi jiào Dàshān, bùzhīdào.	If you ask Canadians, they don’t know him. They’ll say, “who’s Dashan?” They have no idea who Dashan is.	你要问加拿大人，他不知道。他说谁是大山？谁叫大山，不知道。
31	SJ
32	SJ	Zhōngguórén jiǎrú yǒu yīge zài Měiguó tè yǒu míngr, shéi tm bùzhīdào a. Zánmen lǎobǎixìng shéi zhīdào! Cào.	For Chinese, if there’s a Chinese in America who’s really famous — who the hell knows’em? We regular guys have no idea! Shit.	就跟中国人，假如有一个在美国特有名儿，谁他妈知道啊。老百姓谁知道！操。
33	SJ	Nà nǐ kàn nǐmen Měiguórén zài Zhōngguó yě tè nèi nèige shénmede, rénjiā Měiguórén bùzhīdào a. Shéi ràng nǐ zài Zhōngguó tm nème niú. [xiào]	Then there’s you Americans in China, also some kind of special… — [know things that] other Americans don’t know. Who told you to get so goddamn hip in China? [laughing]	那你看你们美国人在中国也特那那个什么的，人家美国人不知道啊。谁让你在中国他妈那么牛？【笑】
34	SJ	Tīngdedǒng a? Dōu tīngdedǒng a? Dōu shuōde tǐng bùcuò le. Zhōngguó huà dōu shuōde hěnhǎo.	You understand [what I'm saying]? You understand everything? Really not bad, you all really speak Chinese pretty well.	听的懂啊？都听的懂啊？都说得挺不错的。中国话都说得很好。
35	LW1	Zài Zhōngguó dāide shíjiān cháng le.	Been in China for a long time.	在中国呆的时间长了。
36	SJ	A dāide shíjiān chángle.	Oh, been here a long time.	啊，呆的时间长了。
37	SJ	Wǒ shì zhèngjīng(r) Běijīngrén, chénglǐde.	I’m a proper Beijinger, from the city itself.	我是正经（儿）北京人，城里的。
38	LW1	a — chénglǐde	Uh-huh	啊——城里的
39	SJ	Wǒ shì chénglǐ rén.	I’m from the city center.	我是城里人。
40	SYZ	wei — chūzūchē nèige –	But — taxi, uh —	喂，出租车那个——
41	SJ	Hǎo duō chūzū dōu shì yuǎnjiāoqū nóngmín, dōu shì yuǎnjiāoqū ma.	A lot of taxi [drivers] are farmers from the outer districts — they’re all from outer districts.	好多出租都是远郊区农民，都是远郊区嘛。
42	SJ	Wǒ shuō huà wèir zhèng, méiyǒu kǒuyīn, zhīdào ba. Tāmen yǒu de shuō huà yǒu kǒuyīn, wǒ méi kǒuyīn.	I speak the language with an authentic flavor, no accent you know. They speak with an accent; I don’t have an accent.	我说话味儿正，没有口音，知道吧 ？他们有的说话有口音，我没口音。
43	SJ	duì, Mìyún, Yánqìng, Pínggǔ de — tā shuō huà zhèi wèir gēn wǒmen wèir bùyíyàng.	Right, these Miyun, Yanqing, Pinggu [all distant districts that are still technically "Beijing"] folks — the flavor of their accent’s not the same as ours.	对，密云、延庆、平谷的，他说话这味儿跟我们味儿不一样。
44	LW1	Shì ma? Bù zhèng.	Really? Not standard.	是吗？不正。
45	SJ	Ā duì duì duì, wèir wèir wèir bù neme — Běijīnghuà wèir bù neme zhèng	Right, right, right — the flavor’s not that — the Beijing dialect flavor’s not that standard.	啊对对对，味儿味儿味儿不那么——北京话味儿不那么正。
46	SJ	Hái jiǎrú shuō ba: “hē tāng”, shìba? Huòzhe shuō: “lái wǎn tāng”.	Take the phrase “eat soup [tāng]” for example. Or “bring me a bowl of soup.”	咱假如说吧：“喝汤”，是吧？或者说：“来碗汤”
47	SJ	Tāmen Pīnggǔde jiùshi, a, Yánqìngde, tā jiǎnghuà: “chéng táng a! chéng táng a!”	These Pinggu or Yanqing folks, they say: “serve me some sugar!” [táng is "sugar" as opposed to tāng, which is "soup"]	他们平谷的就是，啊，延庆的，他讲话：“盛汤táng啊！盛汤táng啊！”
48	SJ	Nèi yìsi jiùshi “chéng wǎn tāng”. Tā guǎn “tāng” jiù jiào “táng”, shuō “chéng táng a!” jiùshi “chéngtáng” jiùshi “chéng wǎn tāng”!	They really mean “serve me some soup”. They call it “sugar” instead of “soup”. They say “serve me some sugar, serve sugar!” which is supposed to be “serve a bowl of soup”!	那意思就是“盛碗汤”。他管“汤”就叫“táng”，说“盛汤táng啊！”就是“盛汤táng”就是“盛碗汤”
49	LW1	Jiùshi shēngdiào dōu biàn le.	So really the tone completely changes.	就是声调都变了
50	SJ	A, duì duì — wèir — bùshì — tā de wèir dōu biànle. “Chéng táng a?” Tā nème ge yīn.	Yeah, exactly — the flavor, uh, his accent changes it. “Serve sugar?” He has this kind of pronunciation.	啊对对——味儿——不是——他的味儿都变了。“盛汤啊？”他那么个音。
51	SJ	Pínggǔ shuōhuà shénme ya? Tā yīshēng yīnfu gen èrshēng yīnfu bù fēn	What does a Pinggu speaker say? They can’t distinguish a first tone from a second tone.	平谷说话什么呀？他一声音符跟二声音符不分
52	SJ	Yīshēngyīn zán — jiǎrú shénme ya — shénme nèige, yīshēngyīn, èrshēngyīn, sānshēngyīn, sìshēngyīn	First tone — for example — well, first tone, second tone, third tone, fourth tone —	一声音咱，假如什么呀，什么那个，一声音，二声音，三声音，四声音——
53	SJ	Jiǎrú shì ba, jiù gēn nèi Zhōngguó de “zhōng” zì a — zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng — tā yīshēngyīn gēn èrshēngyīn tā bù fēn.	like, think about the Chinese character zhōng — zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng — they can’t differentiate the first and second tones.	假如是吧，就跟那中国的中字啊——zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng——他一声音跟二声音他不分。
54	SJ	Wǒmen chénglǐrén jiù shuō: “bǎ qiāng guà qiáng shàng.”	We city people might say: “hang the gun [qiāng] on the wall [qiáng].”	我们城里人就说：“把枪挂墙上“，就把枪啊挂墙上。
55	SJ	Tā wèir ne jiù biàn le. Tā bǎ qiáng guà qiáng shang — tā bǎ qiáng guà qiāng shang.	In their accent it changes. They hang the wall [qiáng] on the gun [qiāng] — they hang the wall on the gun.	他味儿呢就变了。他把墙挂枪上——他把墙挂枪上。
56	SJ	Nèi yìsi jiùshì — tā wèir tā jiù chūlái le. Nà, nèi yìsi jiùshi Pínggǔ wèir, shìbushì, zánmen chénglǐrén shuō “ei bǎ qiāng guà qiáng shang.”	That means — their accent just comes out like this. Then, well that’s just the Pinggu accent, you know, we city folks say “hey, hang the gun on the wall.”	那意思就是——他味儿它就出来了。那，那意思就是平谷味儿，是不是，咱们城里人说：“诶，把枪挂墙上”。
57	SJ	Bǎ zhèi qiāng a, ná shǒuqiāng(r) guà qiáng shang. Tā ne jiùshi bǎ qiáng guà qiāng shang! Tā liǎng yīn bù fēn.	“Take this pistol and hang it on the wall.” But they go: “hang the wall on the gun!” They don’t distinguish the two sounds.	把这枪啊，拿手枪（儿）挂墙上。他呢就是把墙挂枪上！他俩音不分。
58	SJ	Zhèi wèir dōu chūlái le [xiào]	The accent comes out like this [laughing]	这味儿就出来了【笑】
59	SJ	Jiùshi yǒu yīdiǎnr yìsi [xiào]	It’s all just for fun [laughing]	他听着有点儿意思【笑】
60	SJ	O(r)K	OK	OK
61	LW1	O-le	Okay [using it as it's borrowed into Mandarin]	O 了
62	SJ	Ei — “hola” nǐhǎo, Xībānyá	Hey, “hola” is “nihao” in Spanish…	诶——“hola” 你好，西班牙
63	LW1	A duì: “hola”	Oh, right, “hola.”	啊对：hola
64	SJ	“hola” nǐhǎo Xībānyá	“hola” — “nihao” in Spanish.	“hola” 你好，西班牙
65	LW1	Nár xuěde?	Where did you learn it?	哪儿学的？
66	SJ	A?	Huh?	啊？
67	LW1	Jiùshi shénme shíhòu xuéde shì qùnián … àoyùnhuì?	I mean, when did you learn it? Last year … the olympics?	就是什么时候学的？是去年…奥运会？
68	SJ	Àoyùnhuì? Àoyùnhuì bùxué zhèige? Àoyùn yào xué Yīngyǔ.	The Olympics? For the Olympics we didn’t study this we studied English.	奥运会？奥运会不学这个，奥运会要学英语。
69	SJ	[Yīngyǔ]	[speaking English] Hello, do you want a taxi? Where are you going?	【英语】
70	SYZ	Zhēn bùcuò ba!	Really not bad!	真不错吧！
71	SJ	[Yīngyǔ] Nǐ yào qù nǎr? [Yīngyǔ]	Where are you going? [then translates into Mandarin] Thank you very much. How are you.	【英语】“你要去哪儿”【英语】
72	SYZ	Háiyǒu shénme?	What else do you have?	还有什么？
73	LW1	Ránhòu zhèi zhèi Xībānyáyǔ ne?	Then what about that Spanish?	然后这这西班牙语呢？
74	SJ	Xībānyá zhèi jǐ jù: “hola” nǐhǎo “gracias” xièxie “adios” báibái — zàijiàn.	Spanish just a few phrases: “hola”, hello; “gracias”, thanks; “adios”, bye-bye.	西班牙就几句：”hola” 你好 “gracias” 谢谢 “adios” 拜拜，再见。
75	SJ	“adios”, duì ba?	“Adios”, right?	Adios, 对吧
76	LW1	adios	adios	adios
77	SJ	AdiosDéguóhuà shì “Guten Tag”	“Adios” In German there’s “Guten Tag”	Adios德国话是（”Guten Tag”）
78	SYZ	Wà, wà, tài…	Wow, that’s really…	哇！哇！太。。。
79	SJ	“Danke” xièxie, “Tschüss” báibái, “Tschüss” zàijiàn.	“Danke” thanks, “Tschüss” bye-bye, “Tschüss” good-bye.	“单克”谢谢，“具思”拜拜，“具思”再见
80	SYZ	Zhēn lìhai!	Awesome!	真厉害！
81	SJ	Déguóhuà shìbushì? “Bitte” bùkèqì, fǎguó shì, “Salut!” nǐhǎo, “Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour” nǐhǎo, “Bonjour, où vas tu?” nǐhǎo qù nǎr, “Merci” xièxie.	In German, right? “Bitte” is “you’re welcome”. In French there’s “Salut!” — hello. “Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour” — hello, where are you going? “Merci” — thank you.	德国话是不是？比特”Bitte”不客气，法国是，撒率”Salut!”你好，”Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour”你好”Bonjour, où vas tu?”你好，去哪儿？”Merci” 谢谢！
82	SJ	Ng, “Au revoir” [ōuwàng] báibái, “ōuwàng” zàijiàn.	Uh, “Au revoir” bye-bye, “au revoir” good-bye.	嗯，欧旺拜拜，欧旺，法语
83	LW2	Háiyǒu shénme yǔyán a?	Any other languages?	还有什么语呀？
84	SJ	Rìběnhuà: “konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu” Shì ba? “Sayonara.”	Japanese: “konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu” Right? “Sayonara.”	日本话，”konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu”，是吧？”Sayonara.”
85	LW1	Nǐ kāishǐ shì zěnme xuéde? Shì zìjǐ àihǎode?	How did you start learning? Just something you’ve got an interest in?	你开始是怎么学的？是自己爱好的？
86	SJ	Méiyǒu. Lā wàiguórén tā jiāo gěi wǒ de… jiāo gěi wǒ de.	No. Foreigners I picked up just taught me.	没有，拉外国人他教给我的。。教给我的
87	SYZ	Wa!	Wow!	哇！
88	SJ	Hánguóhuà: “annyeonghaseyo”	In Korean: “annyeonghaseyo”	韩国话：”annyeonghaseyo”
89	SYZ	Amazing, really great.	Wāsāi, tài bàng le!	哇塞，太棒了！
90	SJ	“Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” Hánguóhuà hǎoxué. Zhōngguó…	“Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” Korean is easy to learn. Chinese…	“Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” 韩国话好学。中国。。
91	SYZ	Hǎoxué?	Easy to learn?	好学？
92	LW1	Hánwén hǎoxué, jiùshì tā wénzì…	Korean is easy — their writing system…	韩文好学，就是他的文字。。。
93	SJ	Tā, Hánguóhuà jiùshi shénmeya? Dōu shì shénme shénme jiù “seumnida” (xiàoshēng)	They — in Korean it’s like, it’s all something something “seumnida” [which is a Korean verb ending] (laughing)	他，韩国话就是什么呀，都是什么什么就思密达（笑声）
94	SJ	Nǐ, nǐ jìzhu qiánbiānr le jiù “seumnida”	You remember the beginning and just “seumnida”	你，你记住前边了就思密达
95	SJ	Rìběnhuà ne, dōu shénme shénme “mashida”	In Japanese it’s “something something mashida.”	日本话呢，都是什么什么马西达
96	SJ	Hánguóhuà nèi bùshì shuō le ma, qián gūlu hòu gūlu, gūlu gūlu “seumnida”.	In Korean — guess I said this already — it’s front wheel back wheel wheel wheel “seumnida”. [Mandarin uses gūlù in a way that English might use "blah blah" or a nonsense syllable for language you don't understand.]	韩国话那不是说了吗，前轱辘后轱辘，轱辘轱辘思密达（笑声）
97	SJ	Qián gūlu hòu gūlu, gūlu gūlu “seumnida”	Front wheel back wheel wheel wheel “seumnida”.	前轱辘后轱辘，轱辘轱辘思密达
98	SJ	Rìběn huà ne, qián gūlu bùzhuàn hòu gūlu zhuàn, gūlu gūlu “mashida.” (xiàoshēng)	In Japanese, well, the front wheel doesn’t turn, the back wheel turns: wheel wheel “mashida” (laughing)	日本话呢，前轱辘不转后轱辘转，轱辘轱辘马西达（笑声）
99	SJ	Tǐnghǎo wánr ba?	Pretty fun, huh?	挺好玩吧？
100	SYZ	Tǐnghǎo wánr.	Really fun.	挺好玩
101	LW1	Tā hái xuéguo zhèige, zhèige…	He’s even learned this, this …	他还学过这个，这个
102	SJ	Jiù gēn wàiguórén shuō Zhōngguó shì de, nǐhǎo, xièxiè, zàijiàn (xiàoshēng)	Just like the way foreigners speak Chinese [singsongy voice]: “nihao, xiexie, zaijian” [hello, thank you, good-bye] (laughing)	就跟外国人说中国似的，你好，谢谢，再见（笑声）
103	SJ	Ai, jiùshi jiǎndān de jiùshi wàiguóhuà, nèshíhòu, wàiguórén, wàiguórén nèi “nihao, xiexie, zaijian”	Oh, this is just that kind of simple foreign speech. Foreigners go [again singsongy with wrong tones]: “nihao, xiexie, zaijian.”	哎，就是简单的就是外国话，那时候，外国人外国人那你好，谢谢，再见
104	SJ	Nǐmen měiguó nèi nǚde jiào, ai, qīn’àide, YES en YES en (xiàoshēng)	Your American women say, “Yes dear, yes, uh-huh, Yes, uh-huh.”	你们美国那女的叫，唉，亲爱的，YES，嗯，YES，嗯（笑声）
105	SJ	Shìbushi lǎowài nèi nǚde lǎo: enheng, enheng	Right? Foreign women are always going “uh-huh, uh-huh”	是不是老外那女的老，嗯哼，嗯哼
106	SJ	“Ya!” Déguóhuà, “ya!” Fǎguó “wèi”	“Ja!” In German it’s “ja.” In French, “Oui”	呀，德国话，呀，法国，喂
107	SJ	Měiguó “YES”, Zhōngguó, “Duì!”	In America it’s “yes!” In China, “Right!”	美国，YES，中国，对（笑声）
108	SJ	Duì duì duì. Rìběnrén, Rìběnrén jiào “sou sou sou, sou sou sou.” Zhōngguórén jiù “duì duì duì.” — “Hai! Hai! yaoxi” hǎo.	“Duì duì duì” [right right right]. The Japanese say “sou sou sou, sou sou sou.” Chinese go “duì duì duì.” — “Hai! Hai! yaoxi[?]” means “good”.	对对对，日本人，日本人叫嗖嗖嗖，嗖嗖嗖，中国人就对对对。嗨，嗨，要西，好，要西
109	LW2	Guǎngdōnghuà ne?	How about in Cantonese?	广东话呢？
110	SJ	Guǎngdōnghuà a? Guǎngdōnghuà jiùshi jiǎndān de.	Cantonese? Cantonese is simple.	广东话啊？广东话就是简单的
111	LW2	Leihou?	“Leihou” [Hello in Cantonese -- or should this be an N?!]	你好（广东话）
112	SJ	Leihou-a, nǐhǎo-a, xiǎojiě wánrwanr (xiàoshēng)	Leihou, nihao, come have some fun with some girls (laughing)	你好啊（广东话），你好啊，小姐玩玩啦（笑声）
113	SJ	Guǎngdōnghuà, yǒushíhòu tāmen shuō, yào shuō, jiù tīngbudǒng jiùshi, yàoshuō, dāngdìrén jiù tīngbudǒng le.	Cantonese, if they speak, if it’s the locals speaking you won’t understand.	广东话，有时候他们说，要说，就听不懂就是，要说，当地人就听不懂了
114	SYZ	Nà, nèige Fú –	Then what about the Fu –	那那个。。福——
115	SJ	Tā xuéde zhǔyào shì zhǐyǒu wǒmen pǔtōnghuà, hǎoxuéde zhǐyǒu wǒmen pǔtōnghuà.	The key thing is that they’ve studied standard Mandarin [pǔtōnghuà = 普通话], the best thing to learn is just standard Mandarin.	他学的主要是只有我们普通话，好学的只有我们普通话
116	SYZ	En… bǐrú shuō nèige Fújiànhuà	Oh… what about that Fujian [Hokkien, part of Mǐn, 闽 family] language?	嗯。。比如说那个福建话
117	SJ	Fújiàn? A, Fújiàn nà nà jiùshi Guǎngdōng nèi yībiānr de, zánmen jiùshi shuō a.	Fujian? Oh, Fujian that’s — that’s just like that Cantonese we’re talking about.	福建？啊，福建那那就是广东那一边的，咱们就是说啊
118	SYZ	O, chàbuduō	Oh, they’re about the same.	哦，差不多
119	SJ	Tā yàobu shuō pǔtōnghuà nǐ tīngbudǒng, tā yào shuō dāngdì kǒuyīn…	If they don’t speak standard Mandarin you can’t understand. If they speak their local dialect [lit. local "accent" = kǒuyīn = 口音]…	他要不说普通话你听不懂，他要说当地口音。。
120	SJ	Hai, Zhōngguó tm 56 gè mínzú ne, gēn Měiguó shì de, nǐmen nàr hǎoduō duōshǎo zhōu ne. Nà dāngdì tm shuōhuà nà dōu shì tīngbudǒng. Nánfāng shuōhuà wǒmen dōu tīngbudǒng. Tāmen shuō dāngdì kǒuyīn. Tā dào Běifāng…	Hey, China’s damn 56 ethnicities are like those American, your so many American states. If the locals speak their damn way, then no one can understand. When Southerners speak we can’t understand. They speak with their local accent. When they come to Beijing…	嗨，中国他妈56个民族呢，跟美国似的，你们那儿好多多少多少州呢。那当地他妈说话那都是听不懂，南方说话我们都听不懂，他们说当地口音。他到北方。。。
121	LW1	Jiùshi, yǒushíhòu lián tāmen pǔtōnghuà wǒ yě tīngbudǒng. Jiùshi, (bùqīngchu) kǒuyīn hěn nóng.	Right, sometimes even when they speak standard Mandarin I can’t understand. Their accent is really thick.	就是，有时候连他们普通话我也听不懂。就是，（不清楚）口音很浓
122	SJ	Tāmen pǔtōnghuà, tā, o, duìduì, o, duìduìduìduì, tāmen shuō ne, tā yě xué pǔtōnghuà.	Their standard Mandarin — oh, right, right — when they speak — they’re also learning standard Mandarin.	他普通话，他，哦，对对，哦，对对对对，他说呢，他也学普通话
123	SJ	Tā shuō tā yě xué nèige pǔtōnghuà, xiànzài yàobu jiùshi quánguó jiùshi tǒngyī, quánguó nèige, nèige, jiùshi bìxū nèige yāoqiú shuō pǔtōnghuà ma.	They speak — they’re also learning standard Mandarin. Now since the whole country is united, the whole country, well, well, everyone just has to — there’s the requirement to learn standard Mandarin.	他说他也学那个普通话，现在要不就是全国就是统一，全国那个那个就是必须那个要求说普通话吗
124	SJ	Jiù gēn quán shìjiè shuō yīngyǔ shìde, shuō yīngyǔ, dōu yòng yīngyǔ, bù jiù dàhuǒr dōu néng tīngdedǒng? Shìbushì?	It’s just like the whole world speaking English, using English. This way everybody can understand, right?	就跟全世界说英语似的，说英语，都用英语，不就大伙儿都能听得懂？是不是？
125	SJ	“Yes”	“Yes”	YES
126	LW1	Yǐqián bùshì, lǎoyǒu nèixiē hǎibào a? Jiùshi “Shuō hǎo pǔtōnghuà, fāngbiàn nǐ wǒ tā.”	For a while didn’t they always have those posters? They were “Speak good standard Mandarin, it’s convenient for everyone.”	以前不是，老有那些海报啊，就是说好普通话，方便你我他
127	SJ	A, duìduìduì… Tā nèishì zhǐde shì Zhōngguó, zhěnggè yī Zhōngguó mínzú, wǎng wài quán tōngtōng de yòng — cào Rìběnhuà le tōngtōng de — jiùshi zhěnggè quán yòng pǔtōnghuà, jiù gēn yuánlái Zhōngguó yòng de liángpiàor shìde.	Oh, right right. Those are just directing all of China, all of China’s ethnic groups, when speaking to others, to completely use — shit, that’s like the Japanese “completely” — I mean for everyone to use standard Mandarin, just like those food coupons. [Consultant says: tōngtōng is a phrase from Chinese movies in which Japanese soldiers of WWII say lines such as "completely obliterate the population" -- so taxi driver is taken aback by his own usage.]	啊，对对对。。他那是指的是中国，整个一中国的民族，往外全通通的用。。操，通通的了，日本话了，通通的。就是整个全用普通话，就跟原来中国用的粮票似的。
128	SJ	Yǒu dìfāng liángpiàor, Běijīngshì liángpiàor, yǒu wàidì liángpiàor, Shànghǎi de, tāmāde, Fújiàn de, nà dāngdì liángpiàor, wánle, tōngtōng yǒu yīgè shì quánguó tōngyòng liángpiàor.	There were regional food coupons, Beijing city coupons, there were rural coupons, ones for Shanghai, hell, Fujian ones, and then local coupons, and then overall there was a universal coupon for the entire country.	有地方粮票，北京市粮票，有外地粮票，上海的，他妈的，福建的，那当地粮票，完了，通通有一个是全国通用粮票。
129	SJ	Jiùshi nǎr, jiù gēn tm shìjiè tōngyòng yǔ shì yīngyǔ shìde.	Just like what — just like the whole damn world’s universal language is English.	就跟哪儿，就跟他妈世界通用语是英语似的
130	LW1	O, duì.	Oh, right.	哦，对
131	LW1	Qíshí, tā pǔtōnghuà yě xiànzài yīnggāi shì Zhōngguó dà bùfen de gōngmín dōu dōu huì ba?	But really, isn’t standard Mandarin spoken by pretty much all the residents of China now?	其实他普通话也现在应该是中国大部分的公民都都会吧？
132	SJ	O, bù, pǔtōnghuà jīběn, o o, xiànzài jīběn dōu, nèi shénme xiànzài niánqīng, xiànzài nèixiē xiǎohár, xiàng gāng shàngxué de, xiàng wài, xiàng wàidì de, dāngdì de, bìxū pǔtōnghuà, bìxū ràng tāmen xué pǔtōnghuà.	Oh, uh, standard Mandarin’s fundamentally now — well, all the young people now, all the kids now, like those who just started school, like rural kids — standard Mandarin is required, you have to make them study standard Mandarin.	噢，不，普通话基本，哦哦，现在基本都，那什么现在年轻，现在那些小孩儿，像刚上学的，像外，像外地的，当地的，必须普通话，必须让他们学普通话
133	LW1	Fǎnzhèng yě shì kànzhe diànshì zhǎng dà de, suǒyǐ, xiǎohái kànde dōu shì pǔtōnghuà de jiémù.	Anyway, they’re all growing up watching TV, so the kids are all watching programs in Mandarin.	反正也是看着电视长大的，所以，小孩看的都是普通话的节目
134	SJ	Xiànzài jiù, xiànzài jīběn jiù yāoqiú pǔtōnghuà. Wǒ huì nèi jǐjù yě jiùshi lā tāmen jiāo gěi wǒ de, ràng tāmen jiāo wǒ jǐ jù.	Now — now basically standard Mandarin is required. The reason I can say those few sentences is just from having the people I drive (the foreigners) teach me.	现在就，现在基本就要求普通话。我会那几句也就是拉他们教给我的，让他们教我几句
135	SYZ	Duì duì, xuéde… hái zhēn bùcuò…	Yeah, you’ve learned it pretty well.	对对，学得。。。还真不错。。
136	LW1	Xuéde (bùqīngchu) hái zhēn bùcuò.	You’ve learned it pretty well.	学得（不清楚）还真不错
137	SJ	Jiǎndān de jǐ jù, jiǎndān de jǐ jù, yǒu shénme bùcuò ya, jiǎndān de jǐ jù.	Really simple stuff, just a few simple sentences — nothing “pretty well” about that — just simple sentences.	简单的几句，简单的几句，有什么不错呀，简单的几句
138	LW1	Jiùshi shuō, jiùshi lián fāyīn yě bùcuò, ránhòu, qíshí yīngyǔ de fāyīn hěn nán.	I’m just saying your pronunciation’s pretty good, and actually English pronciation is pretty hard.	就是说，就是连发音也不错，然后，其实英语的发音很难
139	SJ	Yīngyǔ? Dōu shuō Yīngyǔ hǎo xué, shuō Hànyǔ bù hǎo xué, bùshì shuō? Shuō Zhōngwén bùhǎo xué, lǎowài dōu shuō.	English? They all say English is easy to learn, they say Mandarin is hard to learn, don’t they? They say Chinese is hard to learn, all the foreigners do.	英语？都说英语好学，说汉语不好学，不是说？说中文不好学，老外都说
140	LW1	Qíshí wǒ háishì juéde tǐnghǎo xuéde.	Actually I still think it’s pretty easy to learn.	其实我还是觉得挺好学的
141	SJ	Zhōngwén hǎo xué? Kěshì yǒu wàiguórén tā yǒude shuō Zhōngwén bù hǎo xué zěnme shuō de? Yīngyǔ hǎo xué.	Chinese is easy to learn? But don’t some foreigners say it’s hard to learn? [They say] English is easy to learn.	中文好学？可是有外国人他有的说中文不好学怎么说的？英语好学
142	SJ	Tāmen yǒu de shuō Yīngyǔ hǎo xué. Yě bù hǎo xué a?	Some of them say English is easy to learn. So it isn’t?	他们有的说英语好学。也不好学啊？
143	LW1	Nà yě bújiànde… Jiùshi zěnme shuō ne, nǐ yàoshi xué Yīngyǔ, nǐ xué yīge, nǐ xué yīge jīchǔ hěn róngyì.	Well, not necessarily. It’s just, well how to put it — if you learn English you learn the fundamentals and it’s pretty easy.	那也不见得。。就是怎么说呢，你要是学英语，你学一个，你学一个基础很容易
144	LW1	Jiùshi yīnwèi bìjìng shì yǒu zìmù ma, yǒu hànzì, suǒyǐ nǐ gāng kāishǐ xuéde shíhòu kěnéng gǎnjué hěn róngyì, kěshì nín yòu…	Well because after all in subtitles there are Chinese characters, so when you first start studying maybe you think it’s really easy. But then you…	就是因为毕竟是有字幕嘛，有汉字，所以你刚开始学的时候可能感觉很容易，可是您又。。。
145	SJ	Wǒmen nèi háizi, wǒmen nèi háizi tm xué Yīngyǔ dōu bùxíng…	Our kid — our kid’s English studies are no damn good…	我们那孩子，我们那孩子他妈学英语就不行。。
146	LW1	Shì ma?	Really?	是吗
147	SJ	A, Yīngyǔ lǎo tm bù guòguān, lián tm sì jí dōu méi guò, cào.	Yeah he can’t pass the frickin’ English test, not even the frickin’ fourth level. Shit.	啊，英语老他妈不过关，连他妈4级都没过，操
148	LW1	Shì bùkěn xué le, háishì juéde…	Is it that he’s not willing to study, or he thinks…	是不肯学了，还是觉得。。
149	SJ	Shéi zhīdào, bù bù, tā xué, tā xué bùhǎo, tā jiù, bùshì dàxué bìxū yǒu sì jí ma? Yǒu sì jí, liù jí, bā jí.	Who knows — no, no, he just doesn’t study well, he just — don’t you have to reach level 4 in college? There’s level 4, level 6, level 8.	谁知道，不不，他学，他学不好，他就，不是大学必须有四级吗？有4级6级8级
150	LW1	Zhèi (bùqīngchu) ba, fǎnzhèng yě shì bìxiūkè. Wǒ, wǒ xiǎode shíhòu shàngxué, jiùshi shénme shùxué kè, wǒ dōu bù guòguān.	This… well, anyway, it’s a required class. When I was a kid going to school I just couldn’t get through any of the math classes.	这（不清楚）吧，反正也是必修课。我，我小时候上学，就是什么数学课，我都不过关
151	SJ	Dōu guòguān?	Could get through them all?	都过关？
152	LW1	Dōu bù jígé.	Could not pass them.	都不及格
153	SJ	O, dōu bù jígé a. Nà, nà xiànzài xiànzài zěnme zěnme, xiànzài nèi nèige suàn zěnmeyàng?	Oh, couldn’t pass them, huh. Then, then — does that make any difference now?	哦，都不及格啊。那，那现在现在怎么怎么，现在那那算怎么样？
154	SJ	Zhèshì lái Zhōngguó lái Zhōngguó gōngzuò háishì xuéxí de ma?	Did you come to China to work or to study?	这是来中国来中国工作还是学习的吗？
155	LW1	Nà wǒ zài Měiguó shàng dàxué ma, shàngwán dàxué jiù, jiù pǎo…	Well I was in America for college, right, then when I finished I just came…	那我在美国上大学嘛，上完大学就，就跑。。
156	SJ	Nǐ bù jígé(r!) hái néng shàng dàxué ne?	You couldn’t pass (math) but you still went to college?	你不及格还能上大学呢？
157	LW1	En… jīběn shàng kěyǐ, kěshì zhèxiē dàxué…	Uh, well, basically it’s okay — but these colleges…	哦。。基本上可以，可是这些大学。。。
158	SJ	Zhōngguó nèiyàng, Zhōngguó nèi shénme, Zhōngguó nǐ yàoshi bù jígé nǐ nǎr shàngdeliáo tm dàxué ya?!	China’s like — in China if you can’t pass how are you ever going to get to go to college?	中国那样，中国那什么，中国你要是不及格你哪上得了他妈大学呀？
159	SJ	Nǐ dōu bù jígé nǐ shàng shénme dàxué ya?	If you can’t pass what college do you think you’re going to?	你都不及格你上什么大学呀？
160	LW1	Nǐ zhè wèntí jiùshi fǎnzheng shì yīmén bìxiū kè, suǒyǐ bù xǐhuān kěnéng zìjǐ shì tiānshēng méiyǒu zhèige, jiùshi méiyǒu zhèixiē nénglì…	Anyway, the issue is still that it’s a required class, so if you don’t like it, or you just aren’t born with it, you don’t have this ability…	你这问题就是反正是一门必修课，所以不喜欢可能自己就是天生没有这一个，就是没有这些能力
161	SJ	Yuánlái guòqù Zhōngguó bù zhòngshì nèi yīngyǔ, xiànzài zhòngshì le.	In the past China didn’t put emphasis on English. Now they’ve started to emphasize it.	原来过去中国不重视那英语，现在重视了
162	LW1	Duì.		对
163	SJ	Yuánlái guòqù dōu bù zhòngshì.	In the past, they really didn’t emphasize it.	原来过去都不重视
164	LW1	Jiùshì bā jǐ nián hòu…	Just since sometime in the ’80s.	就是八几年后。。
165	SJ	ai, jiùshi gǎigékāifàng kāifáng yǐhòu wánle zhòngshì, zhùzhòng nèige xuélì.	Right, after the reform and opening up they started emphasizing it, emphasizing this kind of educational background.	哎，就是改革开放以后完了重视，注重英语，注重那个学历
166	SJ	Guòqù, guòqù bù zhòng, bù zhòngshì zhège dōu.	In the past they didn’t emphasize this.	过去，过去不重，不重视这个都
167	SJ	Máo Zédōng nèi niándài bù zhòngshì zhège.	In the Mao Zedong era it wasn’t emphasized.	毛泽东那年代不重视这个
168	SJ	Máo Zédōng rénjiā, Máo Zédōng niándài jiùshi: rén duō lìliang dà!	Mao Zedong, that guy — in the Mao Zedong era it was: “more people more strength!”	毛泽东人家，毛泽东年代就是人多力量大
169	SJ	Rén duō lìliang dà, zhīdao zhège yìsi ba?	“More people more strength” — you know what that means, right?	人多力量大，知道这个意思吧？
170	LW1	En, zhīdao.	Yeah.	嗯，知道
171	SJ	Nèi yìsi jiùshi shuō: Nǐ dǎzhàng bù shì? Nǐ yīgè rén, wǒ shíge rén dǎ nǐ yī rénr	That’s just a way of saying: let’s say you’re fighting; you’re one guy but I’ve got 10 guys fighting your one guy.	那意思就是说。。你打仗不是？你一人，我十个人打你一人儿
172	SJ	Duìbuduì? Yī gēnr kuàizi hǎo juē, yī bǎ kuàizi bù hǎo juē le! (xiàoshēng)	Right? One chopstick is easy to break, but it’s not easy to break a handful! (laughing)	对不对？一根筷子好撅，一把筷子你就不好撅了，（笑声）
173	SJ	Zhōngguó yǒu de shì rén (xiàoshēng)	China has a lot of people (laughing)	中国有的是人（笑声）
174	SJ	Dàochù duōshǎo rén, Zhōngguó.	People, people everywhere in China.	到处多少人，中国
175	SJ	“Sayonara.” O, bùshì! Baibai, baibai…	“Sayonara.” Oh, no! Bye-bye, bye-bye…	撒由那拉，哦不是，拜拜，拜拜。。。。
176	SYZ	Ha ha. Baibai, xièxie a.	Ha ha. Bye-bye. Thanks.	哈哈。。拜拜，谢谢啊
177	SJ	Ai, bùkèqi, zàijiàn.	Oh, you’re welcome. Good-bye.	哎，不客气再见啊

Translation of colorful language

The aim in the above translation is for a native (American) English style, preserving roughly the same degree of coarseness that one would get from the original language — no more no less.

So what’s the framework for this? If you were showing it to corporate America, maybe the powerpoint would have a graphic like this:

Phonological notes

• As tempting as the “hang the wall on the gun” line is, the Beijing Sounds truth-in-language-reporting bureau does not have enough information to confirm or deny the (line 51) rumor that Pinggu dialect does not differentiate first and second tones.
• However, there’s no doubt that Pinggu and Yanqing dialect speakers report that they have their own accent and distinct vocabulary that is not used in Beijing. Cab drivers from these areas are happy to discuss if you ask.

In everyday speech, a Beijinger…

No doubt a Beijinger, and a territorial one at that. You couldn’t ask for a better pirate representative to tap a bunghole and tip back a mug of grog with you this September 19th.