Because I said so

Learn how to date your spouse

2012-01-26T18:05:00.000-06:00

Some may think that dating is mainly a way to get to know the person that may become your spouse, but Greg Smalley, Executive Director of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family, wants married couples to remember that an emphasis on dating can bring renewed life to a Christian marriage. In an interview with the Christian Post, Smalley states that many couples “do date night wrong.” “When couples go out, many ‘administrate’ their marriage (deal with budget, kid problems, etc.) and end up fighting,” he commented. “Guys, especially start to wonder, ‘Why pay a babysitter to argue when you can do that for free in your own home?’ We need to administrate our marriage but do not call this a date, said Smalley. To read the full interview and find out about Date Night Challenge, go to Married Couples Don't Know How To Date The Right Way Ministry Says.

(from Thriving Pastor Connection)

Matt Chandler at Elevation Church - God is for God

2012-01-19T16:11:00.000-06:00

The following message was preached by Matt Chandler at Elevation Church on January 12, 2012 as part of their Code Orange Revival series. It appears that Elevation has pulled their uploaded version off the web initially, but is putting it back up again. Since I don't know why, I'll refrain from speculating why. But this message absolutely rocks. Love me some Matt Chandler. It gets pretty hot starting at about 34 minutes in. I don't think that it is a targeted rebuke of anything (Elevation or Furtick) by Chandler, but rather the proclamation of Truth that I wouldn't be surprised Furtick asked him to address.

My favorite part starts at about the 39 minute mark where he talks about David and Saul. Rock on.

Elephant Room 2012 - Discount Code

2012-01-19T10:56:00.001-06:00

Last March I went to the Elephant Room Conference with Brenton Balvin and enjoyed it. This year looks to be equally interesting, though I'm not planning on going this time.

Online registration for the Elephant Room ends Monday. Use code 20DOER2512 to get $20 off. Sign up now! Grace Church in Eden Prairie is again the host here in Minnesota. (click through to see all the sites)

Gungor - (God Is Not A) White Man video

2012-01-18T01:45:00.003-06:00

I do enjoy Michael Gungor and his band I must admit.

While God is indeed love, God is many other things as well. Unfortunately some forget/ignore various aspects of God. My son has both "Justice" and "Grace" in his name. That isn't a mistake. God is...and so much more.

White Man
Words and music by Michael Gungor and Lisa Gungor
God is not a man
God is not a white man
God is not a man sitting on a cloud

God cannot be bought
God will not be boxed in
God will not be owned by religion

But God is love, God is love, and He loves everyone
God is love, God is love, and He loves everyone

God is not a man
God is not an old man
God does not belong to Republicans
God is not a flag
Not even American
And God does not depend on a government

But God is good, God is good, and He loves everyone
God is good, God is good, and He loves everyone

Atheists and Charlatans and Communists and Lesbians
And even old Pat Robertson, oh God He loves us all
Catholic or Protestant, Terrorist or President
Everybody, everybody, love, love, love, love, love

Oh, la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Yeah, I say God is love, God is love, and He loves everyone
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Stop the hating, please just stop the hating now cause God is love
Oh, whoa, la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la

Free Porn? There's No Shuch Thing

2012-01-10T10:42:00.002-06:00

by: Pastor Mark Driscoll on Jan 10, 2012

How’d you find this blog post?

Statistically, there’s a 25% chance you were looking for porn. And even if you weren’t searching for porn now, there’s a 40% chance you looked for and viewed porn at some point this week. If you’re a man between the ages of 18 and 34, the biggest demographic I speak to, that jumps to 70%. Pastors, you’re not off the hook either: 33% of you admit to visiting pornographic websites.

And the problem isn’t just one for the guys either. According to a 2009 poll by Christianity Today, a full third of women admitted to intentionally accessing internet porn and one in six women admit to “struggling with an addiction to pornography.”

These numbers are only growing for women, as many more are falling prey to pornography and sexual addiction. In a recent article entitled “Sexual Addiction Among Women Real and Growing,” psychologist and sex-addiction researcher, Dr. Patrick Carnes states, “We’re seeing women getting into pornography in a way we’ve never seen before...we are seeing the biggest change in human sexuality maybe in the history of our species.”

For the whole article click here. Click through to learn more on the problem, as well as to see an invitation from Mark Driscoll to an event they are calling "Porn Again" that can be viewed streaming online.

Applebee's - horrible experience rant

2012-01-03T10:46:00.000-06:00

Two weeks ago we ate at Applebee's in Owatonna, MN. I had the riblette platter and it was great. It's the only thing I order at Applebee's because I don't particularly like most of their menu. But my wife really likes Applebee's, so I go from time to time. Service was good, food was great, we left very satisfied.

I should also preface this by saying I have almost 15 years of experience in the food industry - 8 of which were serving and training servers and managers - plus lots of cooking, cleaning, and bar tending mixed in.

Last week Monday (day after Christmas) we went to the east side Sioux Falls, SD Applebee's - my parents had some gift cards they'd collected over time and wanted to use them up. We arrived at 6:15PM, and there was a 20 minute wait. Applebee's is apparently the place to be this particular Monday evening. There were 5 of us, so we had to wait the full 20 minutes to get seated since there are fewer places we could sit than if there were two of us. No problem, comes with the territory. Once seated though, things started to go downhill.

The table was cleared and cleaned, but when I sat down, there was still a used toothpick about an inch from the wall sitting on the table. And upon further inspection, while the table was still damp from being recently wiped, there were residues of the previous diners food stuck to the top and side of the table. I pointed it out and the server seating us (not our server, and not one of the two hosts) reluctantly went and got a towel and wiped it down like it should've been the first time.

After being seated it was clear our server was busy. Took nearly five minutes to be greeted, and another five minutes to get our first beverage. Server was polite and answered all our questions - except she was unprepared to answer a bar coffee drink questions one of the ladies had - what drinks the bar could make etc. This was complicated by the fact that there isn't a drink list containing any hot bar drinks. We asked for a decaf drink with Kahlua plus something. Never were told if or what the "plus something" in the drink was. For what drinks cost, it'd be nice to know. Especially since there apparently wasn't any other flavor in the drink (I never tried it, I hate coffee).

As we worked our way through the menu picking what we were going to eat we struggled to see much of anything because the lighting was down so low. This restaurant was remodeled two weeks ago, so I suspect they might still be figuring that stuff out, but it was very dark in our booth. When we were seated we weren't given a children's menu for our 2 year old, so it wasn't until the food order was taken that we actually got to look at the children's menu and then had to quick pick something to not slow down our server.

Food order was taken, then it was a pretty lengthy wait until the food arrived. Probably reflective of how busy they were, but slow nonetheless. Not slow enough to have asked the server on it, but certainly not the speed of any other Applebee's experience I've had previously.

Food arrived in two stages (4 meals ordered) and the servers bringing the food had no idea who had what. A simple system could fix that, so they wouldn't have to ask "who had the..." on every plate but the last one. We had wanted extra napkins, but the servers were off before we could ask.

As I dug into my riblettes, it was clear there was something very wrong. The meat temperature was cool - like it has been sitting on the counter and never actually got cooked cool - room temperature. The edges of a couple pieces were warmish (not hot, not a temp indicated they were once hot). The table was so dark that I literally couldn't see if the ribs were pre-cooked to quell my fears that I had just eaten raw pork.

Good service protocol dictates checking back with your guests within the first few bites. I waited tables and trained others to wait tables for 8 years of my life. This bails you out because if something is wrong, you can fix it right away and the guest can still leave happy. Our server didn't come back until 2 of the other 3 eating at the table were halfway through their meal. I ate part of my potato and some fries (yes, two potato sides) while waiting, so at least I had food. Ketchup was nearly empty and therefore made the farting sound while squirting - much to my 2 year old's delight. But it took a bit of work to get out enough to use on the fries.

Server arrives, and to her credit immediately takes the plate back to the kitchen. No apology, just "I'll get that taken care of for you" leaving me with no food on the table. 3 minutes later she returns with a new plate with a fresh potato and what I strongly suspect were the fries off my first plate because these ones are cold and soggy and look familiar. I start back in on the second potato and leave the fries to my two year old who isn't as refined in his fry tastes. 5 minutes later a new plate arrives with riblettes that are just barely above warm. Not hot, but at least warm enough that I'll eat a few and pray they don't make me sick because my family is now needing to head home to get our 2 year old to bed. I can't imagine these were temped back in the kitchen and sent out having met the threshold for cooked meats.

By this point I had run out of my diet Dew, and two other glasses on our table were 75% empty of their water. Server never once came to offer refills during the meal. And good service wouldn't have to even ask, they'd just do it.

At this point, you might think a manager might stop by, apologize, explain what happened and why it won't happen again or something to that effect. But instead we get the check placed on the table and asked simultaneously if we wanted dessert.

Thankfully the riblette platter had been removed from the bill - so I suspect at the very least a manager had been informed somewhere along the line. Truthfully, I'd much rather have paid for the meal and enjoyed it.

Everything can and sometimes will go wrong. I get that. I've been there more than once as a server. Truthfully, I'm the last person who sends food back because of it - to the point my wife gets frustrated with me because I ignore things I shouldn't have to. While I might say something to her, rarely do go beyond that. But this was so over the top that it couldn't be ignored.

System flaws - doesn't appear to be a greeting system in place. When I worked at Red Lobster either one of my team members or a manager would've been to that table (and on my butt) if it sat for more than 2 minutes without being greeted. Two-bite check-back not in place - it is critical to check back in the first few bites to make sure the food is great, and if it isn't, to fix it. Any later than that and you can't fix the problem in most cases. Menu knowledge is lacking - it did not appear that our server was well trained on the bar menu. This costs the restaurant money because the server can't make suggestions and certainly can't up-sell on drinks. Drinks are profit machines, so at a corporate level that is mindblowing.

Problems in the kitchen - there is no way you can tell me that my meat was ever temped on either plate. You'd think at the very least after the mistake on the first that the second one would've been, but clearly not. As a server I'd have come close to killing a cook had they not put fresh and hot fries on the second plate. There is NO WAY I'd have walked it out of my kitchen (and yes, our own server delivered them).

Training failure/systems failure - there is no reason servers should have to ask who gets what plate unless people moved seats at the table. Walk up to the table, first person on your left is guest one and then work your way round the table clockwise with ringing in your orders so that the person closest on your right is last numerically. Line food up in the window of your kitchen this way, walk it out this way, and then hand the first plate to the first person on the left, 2nd plate to next person and so on around the table. No guessing involved, even if it isn't your table that you are delivering the food to.

While it wasn't my table, the server for the table next to ours walked out with so many drinks in her hands/arms that she had to ask a guest to take one out of her hands before she could set the others down. I can't believe they are trained to do this, and beverage trays would fix that all together. Tacky and unprofessional. And then there is the lack of bar menu knowledge - this too is a training issue.

Huge management failure - If I owned this restaurant I would be greatly concerned. There were far too many problems at far too many levels - every level in the restaurant save for the hosts was screwed up. And the manager never stopped by our table. In fact, I don't think I ever saw the manager in the dining room, and since it was a dinner rush, I suspect there were still two managers in the store if they staff anything like every other restaurant I've worked in.

Will I go back to Applebee's? I'm sure I will. My wife still likes their menu, and the Owatonna one has always been pretty good. Would I return to this Sioux Falls store? Possibly, but I would certainly be more vocal on the spot if things haven't improved.

What went right? The other two hot meals were hot - with one being a plate of fajita's that was smoke up the room with delicious smells hot. The salad my wife had was particularly good and had a beautiful presentation. The wait time in the lobby was accurately quoted (which can be really a tough thing to do) and people took action to correct problems. But the problem was, they were problems that shouldn't be problems to begin with. I've seen enough servers to know when I get a new one (I've literally trained over 200 servers and 15 managers how to wait tables), and our server wasn't new.

Lessons from Churchill - via Gospel Coalition

2012-01-01T17:13:00.003-06:00

In a recent article appearing in the Gospel Coalition, Collin Hansen shares five leadership principles for pastors that he gleaned from a 2009 publication, Winston’s War: Churchill 1940 – 1945. Speaking of the fourth lesson, “You lead by persuasion, not dictate,” Hansen writes that, “Ministry will at times require pastors to exercise their God-given authority, as in cases of church discipline. But most leadership will be exercised by persuading Christians to do what they might not initially want or believe they can do. Consider Paul: invoking his apostolic commission hardly thwarted opposition in places like Corinth and Galatia. Instead he sought to persuade them by the strength of his exegesis (Gal. 3) and his example as a humble follower of Christ (1 Cor. 11:1).” To read the full article go to Lessons From Churchill.

Black & Decker 18V Firestorm Drill Charger revisited

2011-12-29T22:08:00.000-06:00

A commenter asked about this in my post comments from two years ago, so I thought I'd update it for them and anyone else interested.

Back in September 2009 I wrote about my charger for my Black & Decker 18V Firestorm Drill dieing (mine was the older post style battery). When I inquired about getting a new charger, I discovered that Black and Decker had changed battery styles for their 18V drill and no longer made or serviced the long post style battery that I had. After doing some research I discovered that Dewalt still used that exact battery in their tools, and that they made a charger that would still work for those batteries. I got on Amazon.com and ordered one and a few days later it arrived.

My experience:

This charger is the solution to your problems if you like me find yourself needing a new charger for the old style batteries (or a charger for your Dewalt 18V tools). I popped my first battery in and it quickly conditioned and recharged that battery to full. Popped the second one in, and again it worked its magic. The first couple of charges on the batteries seemed to run short, but after a handful of charges I noticed a distinct improvement in run time, as well as time they'd sit between charges. Two years later I am still using these two batteries, and in the interim I added an 18V Dewalt Impact Wrench that uses these same batteries. While I'm not claiming the batteries were as good as new, they were and are a LOT better than they were toward the end of the previous charger's life. I've had my drill and batteries for quite a long time - I think I got the drill in 2003 for Christmas. So 9ish years later they're still working hard. That's impressive if you ask me. And the cost of the charger was so much less than replacing the drill that it was a risk worth taking.

Needless to say, I'm pleased with the charger.

Christmas Readings

2011-12-23T22:12:00.000-06:00

Christmas is a great time to preach the gospel to your family–and to yourself! Reflecting on who Jesus is and why He had to come can keep Christmas from being only about presents and Black Fridays and baking more cookies than we could possibly eat (or more than we should eat!).

Here are 25 daily readings for December 1 through Christmas Day. The first three are introductory, explaining the original need for a Savior (the fall of Adam) and then the final result of Christ’s work (the people of God glorified). The Acts reading gives a great overview of Jesus’ life, ministry, and redeeming work. Some of the readings provide Old Testament prophecies and then their fulfillment in Jesus. Some of them give clear descriptions of Jesus and His work of redemption.

May these readings provoke fresh gratefulness and understanding of the good news we have in Jesus Christ.

Genesis 3:1-25 – Why was it necessary for Jesus to come? Because of the sin of Adam.
Revelation 21:1-8; 22:1-5 – What is the ultimate result of Jesus coming? The new heavens and the new earth.
Acts 2:22-36 – Jesus coming to earth as a man was about more than being born in a manger. It was about His teachings, His miracles, His death on the cross, His resurrection, and His ascension. This passage sums up His great story.
John 1:1-13
John 1:14-18
John 1:19-34
John 1:35-51
John 3:1-15
John 3:16-21
Mark 1:1-15
Genesis 22:15-18, 2 Samuel 7:12-15, and Matthew 1:1 – prophecies and their fulfillment in Jesus
Isaiah 7:14 and Matthew 1:1-25
Micah 5:2, 2 Samuel 5:2, and Matthew 2:1-12
Hosea 11:1 and Matthew 2:13-15
Isaiah 53:1-3 and Matthew 2:16-23 (most commentators think that “he shall be called a Nazarene” (v. 23) relates to Jesus being from obscure and even scornful origins, something fulfilled by being from a small village like Nazareth and not a famed city like Jerusalem–or even Bethlehem)
Isaiah 61:1-3 and Matthew 3:13-17
Isaiah 9:1-7 and Matthew 4:12-16
Philippians 2:5-11
Luke 1:1-25
Luke 1:26-38
Luke 1:39-56
Luke 1:57-80
Luke 2:1-7
Luke 2:8-21
Luke 2:22-38

The above comes from Sovereign Grace Church. Next year I'll post them earlier.

The “Gospel” of Consumerism

2011-12-23T10:18:00.000-06:00

The fact that consumerism and materialism continue to overshadow the true meaning of Christmas is not news to any of us who attempt to share the real gospel with those God has asked us to lead. Financial advisor Dave Ramsey points out that “more than $70 billion, over half of what was charged last year, ended up as revolving debt and the interest on last year’s gifts is still being paid today.” In his recent blog “ $pending This Christmas or Spending It Well,” Michael Craven asks us to remember the obvious truths that more things will not make us happy, and Christmas is about God’s gracious gifts of life, family, peace, and the greatest gift of all: His Son, Jesus. To read his blog go to $pending This Christmas or Spending It Well.

Real Marriage - by Mark and Grace Driscoll

2011-12-18T22:45:00.000-06:00

I recently was given a copy of Mark and Grace Driscoll's new book titled "Real Marriage". I'm not paid for my review, though the book was free from BookSneeze on the condition that I write an unbiased review (like I'd write any other kind...).

First, it must be stated that I am a fan of Mars Hill Church and Mark Driscoll - having read most of his books and listened to most of his sermons the past 8 years. I state that so you know that I have high expectations for his work at this point.

Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, And Life Together
By: Mark and Grace Driscoll
Length (Hardcover): 272 pages
Publisher: Thomas Nelson

Whenever you're reading/listening/watching Mark Driscoll, you expect a lot of Jesus, Scripture, humor, and no beating around the bush. He and Grace manage to allow his strong character to come through in the book while not drowning out the voice of Grace. I'm inclined to say that while both men and women will benefit greatly from this book, it is still more of a guy's book with the strength of influence Mark has in the book. Ladies, don't let that keep you away though, this is an outstanding book.

Weakness - there are places where I think Mark Driscoll pushes beyond the biblical text in his exegesis. I think he's worked too hard to find scripture to support his ideas rather than working from the other way around on this one. I think he'd have been better off in some places just being open & honest without trying to force scripture to match with what he was saying. Additionally - there are a few places where the book is disjointed making reading not flow as you might like (mismatched headings, problems with footnotes & things like that). I suspect they'll get cleaned up if/when a second printing happens.

Who is it best for? I think this is probably best for people on the fringe of Christianity, who at some level would submit to the teaching of scripture, but who are deeply in the world. Especially if they are having a rough go of it in their marriage and need someone to relate to.

Would I use this with a group of mixed college singles? No. Some of the specifics and explicitness is more than I think we should address in that context.

Could it be used as a discipleship tool? I think it could. The book has its flaws, but overall I think it is addressing some important things in ways few within Christianity are willing to talk about things. I can see this being particularly relevant in ministry opportunities like those that are frequently presented to Mars Hill Church where Driscoll pastors. I my small town small church it is of less usefulness, though still a tool to have or at least be aware of.

The Driscoll's do a solid job of dealing with the question of "Can we ________?" within a marriage - with my above concerns still in play. Speaking frankly about subjects many in the church, especially in older generations, are hesitant to tackle. They don't shy away from talking about masturbation, oral sex or anal sex. This isn't your grandpa's Biblical sex manual. The discussion is frank, yet generally aims to be biblically balanced in my opinion. In a culture that is so pornified, this is a voice that needs to be heard. That said, if you go to a church that insists on the KJV only and most everyone is related to everyone else, I'm guessing this book - especially Chapter 10 - might be a "bit" over the top for you and offensive.

While their tackling of hot topics is greatly helpful, the best part of the book in my opinion is how married people need to relate to one another and build their relationship upon Christ. The need for friendship within marriage and the idea that we have to continue to pursue our spouse in the marriage relationship is wisdom that bears continually being repeated. The raw transparency that Mark and Grace Driscoll use to tell their own story within the context of teaching what to do/not to do makes for very interesting reading and really helps set some of the ideas home in a deep and personal way.

When Joy and Grief Clash

2011-12-18T11:15:00.000-06:00

During this time of year when we are constantly reminded of joy and happiness and being merry, we must remember as pastors that there may be those in our churches who are grieving the loss of a spouse or maybe a child, and the Holiday season only reminds them of those who are gone. Nancy Guthrie, who along with her husband David, co-hosts the GriefShare video series, brings encouragement to those who are feeling anything but joyful. “So it is possible to have a happy Thanksgiving, a merry Christmas, and a happy New Year---even when that joy is mixed with sorrow. Hope and joy at Christmas come from knowing that Christ's life that began in a cradle ended on a cross. His death-conquering death was followed by resurrection, the first-fruits of all who will one day rise from their graves,” writes Guthrie. To read her article, “Joy to This Cursed World,” go to TheGospelCoalition.org.

Sometimes We Need to Forget

2011-12-16T11:15:00.000-06:00

In a recent article, Tullian Tchividjian, pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church, reminds us that the focus of the Christian faith should not be on ourselves and our needs, but on Christ and what he has accomplished for us. “I’ve said this before but let me say it again: there is nothing in the gospel or about the gospel that encourages me to focus on me. Nothing! It’s never honoring to God when we take our eyes off of Christ ‘the author and finisher of our faith’ and center our eyes on ourselves. Never! In fact, the whole point of the gospel is to get us out of ourselves and to ‘fix our eyes on Christ,’” writes Tchividjian. To read, “The Gift of Self-Forgetfulness,” go to . Crosswalk.com

Atheists Want Religion For Their Children?

2011-12-10T13:18:00.001-06:00

A recent study conducted by Rice University, found that 17 percent of scientists who describe themselves as atheists or agnostics – actually go to church, and not for themselves, but for their children. The research, which was based on “in-depth” interviews with 275 scientists from 21 research universities, discovered that many atheists want their children exposed to religion so they can make up their own minds on what to believe. For more information about the study go to ABCNews.com.

Mad at a Myth

2011-12-08T13:59:00.001-06:00

Mark and Grace Driscoll - Real Marriage

2011-12-07T13:47:00.001-06:00

Looking forward to getting a review copy of Mark and Grace Driscoll's new book Real Marriage. Below is a promo featuring Mark Driscoll (Pastor of Mars Hill Church, Seattle, WA) giving a bit of background on the book and the tour they'll be doing related to the book.
Real Marriage & The Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together by Pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace will be an event that will encourage, enlighten, and equip you in your romantic relationship whether you are married or single. Learn how Pastor Mark and Grace have navigated their marital journey through biblical teaching and humor.

Marriage is a wonderful gift, but it takes work, growth in Christ and patience to love the other more than ourselves. Single individuals will be ahead of the curve after hearing these truths that will transform their dating life and shape their future marriage.

Pastor Mark will be addressing key issues like these:

Tough and good lessons learned from Mark and Grace’s story.
Dating – keys to success and failure.
Married people, guess what, you are supposed to ‘date your spouse’.
Friendship in marriage – it is a simple idea, but often difficult to maintain.
Taking out the Trash – You will have to attend to learn how.
Sex as god, gross or gift?
Can We __________?

New Study Sheds Light on Church Dropouts

2011-12-04T21:31:00.001-06:00

A new study released two weeks ago by the Barna Group shows that the loss of faith or rejection of church that many young people experience, is not taking place for the reasons that we often assume. The research, which coincides with the release of You Lost Me: Why Young Christians are Leaving Church…and Rethinking Faith, uncovered what the author describes as five myths and realities about today’s young dropouts. For example, the first myth that is highlighted is that “Most people lose their faith when they leave high school.” But according to the researchers, “there are three distinct patterns of loss: prodigals, nomads, and exiles.” They explain that:

One out of nine young people (prodigals) who grow up in Christian homes lose their faith in Christianity.

Four out of ten young Christians (nomads) wander away from the institutional church, but still call themselves Christians. They have become “lost” to church participation.

Two out of ten young Christians (exiles) feel lost between the "church culture" and the society they feel called to influence.

About three out of ten young people who grow up with a Christian background stay faithful to church and to faith throughout their transitions from the teen years through their twenties.

For the full report go to Barna.org.

The Gospel According to Peanuts

2011-12-03T02:28:00.001-06:00

How A Charlie Brown Christmas almost didn’t happen

Few headlines about network television make me giddy. Fewer still make me hopeful that all is good in the world. But back in August of 2010, I read the following headline from the media pages with great excitement: “Charlie Brown Is Here to Stay: ABC Picks Up ‘Peanuts’ Specials Through 2015.” The first of these to be made, the famous Christmas special, was an instant classic when it was created by Charles Schulz on a shoestring budget back in 1965, and thanks to some smart television executives, it will be around for at least another five years for all of us to see and enjoy.

What people don’t know is that the Christmas special almost didn’t happen, because some not-so-smart television executives almost didn’t let it air. You see, Charles Schulz had some ideas that challenged the way of thinking of those executives 46 years ago, and one of them had to do with the inclusion in his Christmas cartoon of a reading from the King James Bible’s version of the Gospel of Luke.

Click through for the full article.

Negative Effects of Porn - by BJ Stockman

2011-11-19T20:54:00.001-06:00

This was posted on The Resurgence blog today. Originally created by BJ Stockman.

This is a rather frank post on porn, so proceed, or not, with that in mind.

Porn is a problem. It's a personal problem for many and a cultural problem for all. You may think you have not been affected by porn, but you have because it's embedded in the surrounding culture. The staggering size of the pornography industry, its influence upon the media and the acceleration of technology, paired with the accessibility, anonymity, and affordability of porn all contribute to its increasing impact upon the culture.
Pornography affects you whether you’ve ever viewed it or not, and it is helpful to understand some of its negative effects, whether you are a man or woman, struggling with watching it, or simply a mom or dad with a son or daughter. There is a plethora of research on the detrimental effects of pornography (and I do not think that what follows are necessarily the worst of them), but here are seven negative effects of porn upon men and women:

1. Porn Contributes to Social and Psychological Problems Within Men

Anti-pornography activist, Gail Dines, notes that young men who become addicted to porn, “neglect their schoolwork, spend huge amounts of money they don’t have, become isolated from others, and often suffer depression.” (Pornland, 93). Dr. William Struthers, who has a PhD in biopsychology from the University of Illinois at Chicago, confirms some of these and adds more, finding that men who use porn become controlling, highly introverted, have high anxiety, narcissistic, curious, have low self-esteem, depressed, dissociative, distractible (Wired for Intimacy, 64-65). Ironically, while viewing porn creates momentary intensely pleasurable experiences, it ends up leading to several negative lingering psychological experiences.

2. Porn Rewires the Male Brain

Struthers elaborates,

As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on [pornographic images], the exposure to them creates neural pathways. Like a path is created in the woods with each successive hiker, so do the neural paths set the course for the next time an erotic image is viewed. Over time these neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with woman are routed….They have unknowingly created a neurological circuit that imprisons their ability to see women rightly as created in God’s image (Wired For Intimacy, 85). In a similar vein regarding porn’s effect upon the brain, Naomi Wolf writes in her article, "The Porn Myth,"

After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.

3. Porn Turns Sex Into Masturbation

Sex becomes self-serving. It becomes about your pleasure and not the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for.

4. Porn Demeans and Objectifies Women

This occurs from hard-core to soft-core pornography. Pamela Paul, in her book Pornified, quoting the research of one psychologist who has researched pornography at Texas A&M, writes,

‘Softcore pornography has a very negative effect on men as well. The problem with softcore pornography is that it’s voyeurism teaches men to view women as objects rather than to be in relationships with women as human beings.’ According to Brooks, pornography gives men the false impression that sex and pleasure are entirely divorced from relatoinships. In other words, pornography is inherently self-centered–something a man does by himself, for himself–by using another women as the means to pleasure, as yet another product to consume (80). Paul references one experiment that revealed a rather shocking further effect of porn: “men and women who were exposed to large amounts of pornography were significantly less likely to want daughters than those who had none. Who would want their own little girl to be treated that way?” (80).

“ It becomes about your pleasure and not the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for.
”

Again, it needs to be emphasized, that this is not an effect that only rests upon those who have viewed porn. The massive consumption of porn and the the size of the porn industry has hypersexualized the entire culture. Men and women are born into a pornified culture, and women are the biggest losers. Dines continues,

By inundating girls and women with the message that their most worthy attribute is their sexual hotness and crowding out other messages, pop culture is grooming them just like an individual perpetrator would. It is slowly chipping away at their self-esteem, stripping them of a sense of themselves as whole human beings, and providing them with an identity that emphasizes sex and de-emphasizes every other human attribute (Pornland, 118).

5. Porn Squashes the Beauty of a Real Naked Woman

Wolf, in her own blunt way, confirms this,

For most of human history, the erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women. For the first time in history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn (Quoted in Wired for Intimacy, 38).

6. Porn Has a Numbing Effect Upon Reality

It makes real sex and even the real world boring in comparison. It particularly anesthetizes the emotional life of a man. Paul comments,

Pornography leaves men desensitivzed to both outrage and to excitement, leading to an overall diminishment of feeling and eventually to dissatisfaction with the emotional tugs of everyday life…Eventually they are left with a confusing mix of supersized expectations about sex and numbed emotions about women…When a man gets bored with pornography, both his fantasy and real worlds become imbued with indifference. The real world often gets really boring…” (Pornified, 90, 91).

7. Porn Lies About What it Means to be Male and Female

Dines records how porn tells a false story about men and women. In the story of porn, women are “one-dimensional”–they never say no, never get pregnant, and can’t wait to have sex with any man and please them in whatever way imaginable (or even unimaginable). On the other hand, the story porn tells about men is that they are “soulless, unfeeling, amoral life-support systems for erect penises who are entitled to use women in any way they want. These men demonstrated zero empathy, respect, or love for the women they have sex with…(Pornland, xxiv).”

This article is adapted from BJ Stockman's blog. For more information, check out the free eBook by Mark Driscoll, Porn-Again Christian.

A resource for victims of sexual assault and people who care for them is Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault

Another resource for those struggling with any type of addiction, including pornography, is Redemption: Freed by Jesus from the Idols We Worship and the Wounds We Carry

Great time at Chuch Planting Leaders Fellowship

2011-11-18T14:34:00.001-06:00

One of the roles I serve is as a committee member for the National Association of Congregational Christian Churches (NACCC) Congregational Church Development (CCD) committee. Our job is to help the local church, church planters, and new church core groups in the establishment of new Congregational Christian churches.

With that as our charge, I get the opportunity to represent our association at the Church Planting Leaders Fellowship (CPLF). CPLF is a pet project of Ed Stetzer's that is held in Nashville, TN at the Lifeway office where Ed works. This is a gathering of like minded evangelical denominations and networks where we share and learn best practices and network for church planting to advance the Gospel. The idea is we can learn from each other without collaborating or competing. Ed is pretty big on the idea that churches aren't planted cross-denominationally, and I'm inclined to trust his expert opinion on this.

So early (3:45AM!) on Wednesday I got up made it to the airport and on to Nashville. We spent the next two days learning from Bob Logan, Hugh Halter, Neil Cole, Alan Hirsch and Ed Stetzer. Bob's focus was on leadership and Hugh and Alan were more focused on the future of church planting in incarnational and missional ways. And Alan Hirsch touched on things from all over the map and was largely pushing us to re-think church planting in new and creative ways including but not limited to what Neil & Hugh were advocating.

Truly mentally stimulating, even if you didn't always agree with everything being said.

My flight into Nashville ran a bit late due to rain en route, so I was unable to eat at one of my all time favorite places - Monell's. Probably for the best because it is a diet killer kind of meal, but oh-so-worth the calories. We did make it to Jack's Bar-B-Que last night for supper at least. I had pork shoulder (shredded), brisket, and smoked chicken. The brisket was by far the best of the three, and the chicken and pork we quite good as well. Mac & cheese wasn't all that good, corn was really good, and the corn bread was some of the worst I've had. But I'd definitely go back for the brisket. A couple other guys I was with got some St. Louis style ribs that looked outstanding and they said the ribs were the best of the meats they tried. Next time. St. Louis style is my favorite, but I didn't want to tease my mouth with just a few bones. Definitely next time. And I must say I really like Jack's Kansas City Style BBQ sauce!

I will certainly sleep well tonight though. It's been a long and busy week already!

Update - Ed Stetzer's thoughts on the CPLF.

New Values Survey Released

2011-11-15T07:39:00.000-06:00

The results of a survey released this week by the Public Religion Research Institute show that two-thirds of Americans believe it is important for a presidential candidate to have strong religious beliefs, even if those beliefs are different than their own. The research, based on interviews with 1,505 adults between September 22 and October 2 of this year, also reveals that only one in five Americans would object to a candidate whose beliefs were different to their own, and that 67 percent would be uncomfortable with an atheist as president. To read the full report go to the Public Religion Research Institute.

Penn St. vs. Nebraska pre-game prayer 2011

2011-11-13T14:00:00.001-06:00

Nearness to God

2011-11-09T01:12:00.000-06:00

I don't think we can measure our nearness to God by our feelings. Honestly, our feelings are idiots sometimes! And by that I mean that our feelings aren't always right because of many reasons. With that in mind though, I think there are things we can do to feel closer to God. I don't know what that is for you though, so you'll have to give it some thought. For some people it can be music - God created music and gave us the ability to enjoy it, and some people really connect with God by listening to, singing or playing music. Others it is nature - a walk in the woods or watching birds and thinking about the beauty of God's creation. And there are many other things that we can do that make us feel closer to God.

As I mentioned in my previous post, the truth is we aren't any closer to God at that point, we just feel that way. One thing that I do personally when I feel distant from God is I spend extra time in prayer and reading my Bible - and while I do that I ask God to show Himself to me and to teach me in that time what I need to hear. It often doesn't happen in a moment, but over time I start to draw back near to God. The other thing I do is set aside time to pray - quiet time all by myself - and I just spend time thanking God. I thank Him for everything that comes to mind. Thanks for fingers and toes and snow and a lawn to mow and beautiful spiders and the chance to serve my son by changing his diapers. Sounds weird, but I think we often times take a lot of our lives for granted, even the bad things in life, and they are all opportunities to praise God.

A pastor I know got brain cancer, but used it to praise God. Sounds strange, but when you see that kind of love for God in others, it draws you nearer to God as well. When I write my prayers down it is a huge blessing to me later. I'll come back to those prayers months and years later and be amazed at how God responded to my prayers. Sometimes they are answered, and other times I see God's wisdom in not giving me what I was praying for. And of course, some of the prayers are unanswered as far as I know, but even those weren't wasted, God knows what's going on even if I don't.

Is God in your life?

2011-11-08T01:49:00.000-06:00

Is God in your life? First, you should know there are ebbs and flows to our feelings, but God is constantly there. The changing thing is us not Him. One way to feel closer to God is to spend more time in prayer - do this regularly for a while. Do it just like you're having a conversation with a friend. Some people (myself included) find it very helpful to write these prayers out in a prayer journal.

Spending time reading the Bible is also helpful. When I regularly read my Bible I always feel pulled toward God - even when He is pointing out my sins. Read the book of John if you are looking for a place to start.

Spending time with other Christians, especially those who are more spiritually mature than you are is another good way to feel God's presence in your life. Keep in mind that often times our perspective is warped in our view of God, and we miss a LOT of places He is working in our lives and is close to us because we can't see it in the moment. Years later we can look back and clearly see God's fingerprints all over our life, but in the moment while we are living it, it can often seem like we're not closely connecting with God at that time.

Another place we need to look at is all the blessings in our lives and we'll clearly see that God is there. While life can sometimes be tough and we can be frustrated, the reality is that God deeply loves us and provides for us in amazing ways. We have food to eat where many in the world went to bed hungry. We have clean and safe drinking water where many people died today because of diseases they picked up from drinking bad water. While our relationships aren't perfect, there are people in our lives that God placed there who love us very much. We have clothes to wear. We have a roof over our head. We have so many other wonderful and amazing things we take for granted - both big and small - that are clear evidences of God in our lives.

Sometimes He isn't in our lives like we want or expect, but He is always there nonetheless. And often times when God seems most distant is when He is actually closest to us.

Because I said so

Learn how to date your spouse

Matt Chandler at Elevation Church - God is for God

Elephant Room 2012 - Discount Code

Online registration for the Elephant Room ends Monday. Use code 20DOER2512 to get $20 off. Sign up now! Grace Church in Eden Prairie is again the host here in Minnesota. (click through to see all the sites)

Gungor - (God Is Not A) White Man video

Free Porn? There's No Shuch Thing

Applebee's - horrible experience rant

Lessons from Churchill - via Gospel Coalition

Black & Decker 18V Firestorm Drill Charger revisited

Christmas Readings

The “Gospel” of Consumerism

Top 11 posts in 2011

Real Marriage - by Mark and Grace Driscoll

When Joy and Grief Clash

Sometimes We Need to Forget

Atheists Want Religion For Their Children?

Mad at a Myth

Mark and Grace Driscoll - Real Marriage

New Study Sheds Light on Church Dropouts

The Gospel According to Peanuts

Negative Effects of Porn - by BJ Stockman

1. Porn Contributes to Social and Psychological Problems Within Men

2. Porn Rewires the Male Brain

3. Porn Turns Sex Into Masturbation

4. Porn Demeans and Objectifies Women

5. Porn Squashes the Beauty of a Real Naked Woman

6. Porn Has a Numbing Effect Upon Reality

7. Porn Lies About What it Means to be Male and Female

Great time at Chuch Planting Leaders Fellowship

New Values Survey Released

Penn St. vs. Nebraska pre-game prayer 2011

Nearness to God

Is God in your life?