hiatus |/ha??e?t?s/ Show Spelled Pronunciation hahy-ey-tuhs|
noun ( pl. -tuses ) [usu. in sing. ]

a break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, action, etc.

I’m on some kind of journey.  A good journey…

As a result, I have plenty to write, but my writing is too revealing for the intentions I have for this site…

Thanks so much for reading & for your patience with my many changes.

Love,

Amber “Bam” Cabral

Elsewhere being, on myself & my goals.

Single women need to place a higher value on their sexuality and expect more from men and relationships than just a partner in bed and an occasional date or phone call.  Additionally, sex can be a destructive force in a relationship.  Think about it:  How many times have you felt as though there was no relationship, without the sex?  How often have you allowed sex to resolve a dispute or used it to distract him from a potential issue?  Intimacy and sexual chemistry have all too often been inappropriately utilized as the foundation upon which to build a relationship.  Then when the real problems come along, (that screwing can’t fix), things come crumbling down.

I’m just ready for a new foundation.  Hopefully, something a bit more solid.

I’m not saying women shouldn’t enjoy themselves.  If you are in that I am single, sexy and free phase of your life: Do you. Just be safe.  Or if dating around is your thing - dating is cool.  If he’s cute, smells good and has a smidgen of smarts, I say he’s at least worth a lunch date… On him.  You never know, you may make a great friend out of the deal, (yes - men and women can be friends - even if they are both attractive).  But, even if serial dating isn’t your thing, kicking it with the girls and/or the good guy friends are always good for a stress-free, good time.  I am not opposed to any of this as long as people are making sound decisions about what they want in their interactions. Many times women do what the men in their lives call them to do.  Because we naturally want to serve and often end up serving the wrong man.  This often includes sex.

It’s hasty relationships I have lost my appetite for.  You know the ones:  You meet him, you like him and within a few weeks you are itching to find out if his skills in the sack are as kinetic as those first few kisses have been.  Six humps in, you think you have found your new boo.  Then four weeks after that, an evening together is shared with Family Guy, Stouffers, and one of those, “can-you-please-hurry-up’s” before you go to bed.  Six or so months down the road you realize you don’t respect this cat, he keeps up constant clutter and he has an un-natural addiction to drama.  Ladies; I know you know this guy.

Don’t need another one of him, right?  Right.

Overall; This shift to not sharing the goodies has been a healthy one. My decision making has been a lot more objective focused, and with the many changes that have occurred lately, I have needed to have a clear head.  Furthermore, it feels great to not have someone’s expectations to meet except for my own.  I can spend endless hours in front of my laptop or tucked behind a book and learning something new without the fear I am neglecting someone’s desire for my attention.  This is like an upgraded version of single.

This is not to say I don’t want to be in a something special with someone special.  I just know I have better chances of recognizing the right one, if I’m not distracted by the physical and emotional demands of the wrong ones.

And the killing part is: celibacy has been an easy transition for me.  Although, I will admit to drinking a bit more than I used to: Guess it’s my stress reliever of choice these days.  Other than that - I have done okay with this new form of peace, to the tune of recommending it to others…

LOL.

I’m kidding, but I’m not.

Dammit. I think I am outgrowing Bam. I kinda like her.

Later,

Amber.

Didn’t your parents tell you to “be a leader?” Or perhaps they even told you, “stop being a copycat” or “don’t be a follower.”  Now we are all on every possible social medium following each other and soliciting others to follow us.  Notice, I am at it too as you glance at the sidebar to your left.  Beckoning you to “watch what I do.”  What the heck happened?

Am I the only one who feels a tad pressured by all this?  You mean to tell me I have to create a “following” to have a blog now?  How often I have asked myself if I suck as a leader because I have been blogging since 2002 and I have a relatively marginal number of “followers?”  Isn’t this supposed to be fun?  Am I supposed to get off work to start my second job as a twitterer?  It’s all a bit much to me.  Maybe I just don’t need this much communication.  Maybe I think people who do, need to figure out what is missing in their real lives and work more toward that.  Maybe I think I just don’t want to make time to do all this interacting to gain a few followers.

Aren’t followers… Bad???

With that, I would like to say this:  I like blogging when I feel like it and twittering when I want and spending an hour or two on Facebook from time to time.  Daily?  Those things are all a bit much for me. So effective immediately, I’m relaxing.  I won’t be cursing myself out anymore when my feedburner number decreases or I miss a Motivation Monday.  I won’t be apologizing for forgetting to Twitter or read my Facebook notes.  I like talking to all of you.  But all at the same time starts to feel like work and besides…

Let’s just say I am much better one on one.

Later,

B.

“The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.” - Oscar Wilde

Later.
Bam/Amber

Then I read the tea tag: “Keep Up.”

It made me smile.

Anyone who knows me knows I really, really want to leave Michigan.  I want to live in another state so bad (Texas).  I disdain so many things about this place.  But it’s like I am stuck.  It’s always something.  This weekend brought news that I might be here much longer than I thought.

Lately, I don’t know whether to make a hard plan or to take things day by day.  I’ve frustrated myself to tears.  For the first time in my life, I feel like I am getting older and the time for me to do the things I want to do in my life is running out.  What if I push it out another year and then another and that day never, ever comes?

I just knew this time would be it. I’d be outta here.

Now, the chances of that happening in 2009 are slim.  I feel like a shit talker. I feel like I had these grand plans, once again, and everyone is looking at them crumble (again), “You’re never going to leave Detroit.”  What can I retort back? “There is always next year.”

I’ll keep trying to “Keep Up.”

Up-beat. Up-spirits. Up-ward motion.

Most importantly: Eyes up.

Maybe, just maybe - all this delay is for good reason.  Or maybe there won’t be as significant a delay as I think, (crosses fingers).

*sigh.

Keep Up people.  I am.

Bam.

PS - If you are local, I will be at Centaur for a 28th Birthday Toast this Friday (9p to 11p).  Come through, pin some cash on me or buy me a drink…  BTW - I’m a tad uncensored when I drink, don’t wear you heart on your sleeve.