Led Zeppelin serving humanity

Husband is changing career. For too long now his response to my daily question “how was your day dear?” was “boring”. He is an IT manager so his regular hours and nice income have served us well particularly as being self employed my income can be sporadic. He loved his job, we used to say his pc should be the best man at our wedding so great was the bond between them, but after thirteen years his skills need updating and he realised his heart wasn’t in it anymore. As my business took off and I got busier following my passion, his boredom became more obvious.

The teachings of Yogi Bhajan state that our true life’s purpose would be one that served humanity. With the best will in the world husbands job didn’t fit this criteria and this didn’t sit well for long term fulfilment. Six years ago I remortgaged our house to retrain and set up my business. Husband didn’t bat an eyelid, he supported my crazy ideas without question. He cooked for me, looked after our daughter and patiently listened as I gabbled on about bodies and nutrition, all this when the only rationale I had was a gut feeling so strong I had no choice but to follow it.

Now it’s time for me to repay the favour. Sure money will be an issue but I am a huge believer that if you follow your hearts desire the money will come but we need to be open to abundance in all its myriad forms not just financial.

Seeing him get excited about the courses he is booked on gives me a huge thrill. Life is too short for a job you don’t like. If your toes don’t curl in excitement at your week ahead or you don’t feel deeply grateful at how lucky you are to do your work then why would you want to spend the majority of your adult life doing it? Equally if it doesn’t scare you just a bit and take you out of your comfort zone then you aren’t challenging yourself to trust and surrender to the deep mystery of the universe.

In the words of the mighty and prophetic Led Zeppelin ” there are 2 paths you can go by but in the long run there’s still time to change the road you’re on”. Its never the right time to make the change, and that makes it the perfect time to follow your deep bliss. My change was kick started during a “detox your life” workshop by the raw food guru Shazzie. She said “if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem” it buzzed around my head, I didn’t know what I wanted to do I just knew I wanted to change so everyday I manifested a career that would be part of the solution.

It found me quite by surprise. I didn’t choose this path I was put on it and it felt right in every cell of my body. The confidence and joy I have found in truly knowing my reason for being here, knowing my souls true purpose has permeated into every aspect of my life.

So husband I am deeply proud of you. It takes courage to embrace your true potential and to anyone thinking of leaving the rat race I urge you to listen to your heart, listen to your gut, listen to the little voice we drown out with fear and do it. Throw caution to the wind and set sail on the journey of your life. I will leave you with the inspiring poem.

Our Deepest Fear – by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

My reaction to the Twitter Bush Haters yesterday

I was so angry yesterday. I watched ‘This Morning’ and the fantastic interview with Emer O’Toole discussing a topic very dear to my heart – To shave or not to shave, a women’s decision to grow her own body hair. After the feature I witnessed the most ridiculously negative onslaught at this gorgeous woman via social media. It was like the UK had turned into a bunch of pitchfork-welding villagers. I was waiting for someone to start chanting ‘burn her’ like some crazy Monty Python sketch.

Seriously I was livid… over a bit of body fluff.

Anger, as an emotion, is new to me. My raging fires had died out so long ago that I stopped experiencing anger altogether. Nothing and no one could hack me off, I was such a ‘nice’ person. And then I discovered that I was denying an incredibly important part of myself. I dared to step into the flames of my emotion and it has been the most empowering, liberating decision of my life.

Why do we get angry? It’s a very natural reaction to being offended, threatened, wronged or denied. It’s a human instinct, proof that we are still animals. Anger is immediate. It’s like a fire, it ignites, it rages and it burns out. I love watching a child having a full-on tantrum, so alive in the moment and with no regard of what others think of them. They just let rip. It usually lasts no more than ten minutes and then it’s gone.

Do you remember not getting your own way or being denied something as a child? Do you remember your reaction? My mother still talks about the royal tantrum I had, aged 3, when I wasn’t allowed a second go on the 20p ride in ASDAs. I was not allowed to have a go on that ride for weeks afterwards as a result. Needless to say I learnt a lesson and it was the first and last childhood tantrum I ever had.

Here lies the difficulty with anger. We are taught from a very young age that tantrums are not acceptable behaviour and are punishable. On the flip side tears and upset are often rewarded with cuddles and soothing. We are taught anger is rejected and tears are accepted. Have you ever been so cross that you have burst into tears? It’s common that the two emotions can get muddled up.

Different emotions create different chemicals reactions in the body. When we happy our body floods with the hormone serotonin which makes us feel good. Anger creates a stress response in the body – heart rate, blood pressure, and adrenaline levels increase. Because of this some health practitioners believe that anger should be overcome – all emotions are a choice and therefore can be selected.

I once heard a practitioner say he was above anger. It was the biggest load of tosh I’d ever heard. No one is above anger. Experiencing anger is a part of the human condition. It’s like saying I’m above eating (I will never say that).

Anger that isn’t allowed to express itself turns into resentment which often becomes dis-ease within the body. Conditions such as digestive problems, constipation, eczema, psoriasis, endometriosis and migraines are common symptoms of repressed anger.

So you’re really hacked off. What do you do? Start verbally or physically attacking people or destroying their property? Maybe not. However I do thoroughly recommend a good old fashioned childhood tantrum. An empty room at home – just you, a defenceless pillow and your raw, unadulterated anger. Wonderful. Trust me, as a recent divorcee, this is one of the most cathartic and cleansing things you can do. Afterwards you feel lighter, freer, calmer. Once the fire has burnt out, rational thought kicks in and the situation that troubled you in the first place can be addressed with a clear and calm head.

Now that I’ve had a healthy rage over society’s reaction to one women’s body hair, I can rationally and calmly reply to all the bush haters on the Daily Mail blog that they are all a bunch of idiots.

Do you think expressing anger is healthy?

What can parents do to help children experience anger in a healthy way?

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The Grange Hill cast knew how to say no

No. It’s a tiny word with huge meaning.  It can be the key to your liberation, it can improve your health, transform your sex life, revitalise relationships and help you regain control in your life. All this from two little letters. And yet we struggle to use it.

There is a school of thought that saying ‘no’ blocks opportunities and that to truly embrace life we need to say ‘yes’ and all that saying ‘yes’ brings, but saying ‘yes’ regardless of the outcome is imbalanced and just as consciously closed as having ‘no’ as your default answer.

An unconscious default ‘yes’ or ‘no’ usually stems from fear. The default ‘no’ offers safety from being vulnerable, allowing people in and is a place to hide low self worth and the not being good enough feelings. The default ‘yes’ on the other hand is often around having no boundaries, being a people pleaser, wanting to be liked or the biggie – being fearful of the ramifications of saying ‘no’.

These are both shadow expressions of fear and not opening or evolutionary. Start by checking in if you are saying ‘yes’ out of free will by asking yourself the following questions:

1. is this what I want?
2. is it really what I want?
3.  is this my deepest bliss?
4. can I give it freely?

Check in with yourself deeply and carefully. If the answer is ‘yes’ to the above then enjoy the giving of the gift of your deepest bliss. You will be in service to humanity and you will reap the joy from that. However, if you are unsure or feel anything close to uncertainty then go with your ‘no’. Also be aware that the absence of a ‘no’ isn’t a ‘yes’ – it could however be a ‘maybe’. Verbalise that and keep feeling into it until you know for sure.

When we don’t give  freely we give out of duty because we feel we have to. This can lead to small niggling resentments. With that in mind are you actually doing the person a favour if that is the outcome? Saying ‘no’ in this situation means that on some level we are railroading over ourselves and that is a message to others that we don’t respect ourselves.

Of course as adults we make choices and have responsibilities like getting up in the night for our children or having to do a piece of work we don’t want to do, but that’s because these tasks are part of a wider picture that is serving our needs. That stuff isn’t what I’m talking about here.

One ‘no’ given from a place of deep love for ourselves can heal 1000 unsaid ‘no’s’ and change beliefs about ourselves and our behaviours which really open doors and be salve for many deep wounds.

Try it out with your parents, your children (they love clear boundaries) your boss, your partner and your friends. If someone can’t hear your truth and honour do they really deserve your loyalty (and vice versa)? It’s applicable in every situation, professional, familial, social and sexual. To do this we also have to learn how to hear another persons ‘no’ without trying to manipulate a situation to have the outcome we desire.

None of this is easy. Its a lifelong commitment to yourself, but the good thing is you have the rest of your life to practice. If its too hard there are some incredible teachers out there running workshops in boundaries and self love.

Say ‘no’ from a place of love for yourself and give others permission to do the same. You will be honouring  yourself and others with the gift of your honesty. It doesn’t get much better than that.

Just Say No, thank you Grange Hill

What is your experience of saying ‘no’? Do you agree saying ‘no’ to a loved one is important?

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