-MB

Of course, this is just a joke. Full steam ahead on the protective masks project.

Also, I understand these masks are difficult to obtain in N.C. Nick, I trust you can handle this?

Oh, by the way — Margaret, here’s a little present for you that I worked on when I was detained by the frosty substance.

Yep, Creative can start taking my lead.

PS: Stay away from my accounts!

These days, as a General rules, our clients and prospects are not impressed by how many awards we have bought. They are most impressed, however, by how many followers we have on Twiiter or LinkOn.

It was at this time that I approached silently upon hysterics over a conversation concerning, “placing a baby in a corner.”

While I may have a few more years on our Creative Workers, I can assure everyone that I too am “hip” in every truest sense of the word. That being said, I can see no reason why this meaningless blathering should be a distraction for a writer, an artist or even a webmaster.

As a result, I fear we may be losing our grip on Creative. How can such a distraction be allowed to jeopardize the Wheels of Production?

When I turned around, Mister Janikowski, sensing my dismay, quickly alerted me to technology that holds the promise to prevent these acute wastes of energy: STOP MANAGING PROJECTS; START MANAGING PEOPLE

With all due thoughtfulness and vigor, please explore this technology.

And by all means, someone please tell me what is funny about “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

Greetings, Inter-Net Republic.

My faithful assistant Annie informs me that once this hand-written essay leaves my desk, it will pass through a Computing Appliance into a series of distribution tubes, making its way to several other Computers, perhaps as far away as New York City. Bravo, Progress! We welcome you with open arms at Baffington and Sellers.

Today’s topic is the Power of the Written Word.

Recently our Executive Leadership Team has been re-imagining our firm’s core self-identifying tag-line, or “Brand Paragraph” as we in the ad game refer to it. In a well-meant but misguided gesture, someone from Creative suggested we open this process to the public audience congregated at our recently erected Inter-Net macrosite.

One of many ideas came from a Miss Betsy X.

I was just going to recommend,
Baffington & Sellers: “We do everything.”
I think it’s smashing, because it’s easily customized, enhanced and maximized (not unlike Baffington’s clients’ results). Also, don’t tell anyone that “everything” translates to “nothing”. That is monkey piddle. Clearly, everything means everything, and B&S does nothing short of it.
–Miss Betsy

With apologies to our readership, this sort of ham-fisted chicanery is exactly WRONG, and it begs a response. As I have just dotted the last i on our final, approved new slogan (due to appear very soon across B&S collateral), such duty falls to me. And I take it very seriously.

In that spirit, then:

Dear Betsy,

Superior writing is about WORDS, my dear girl, and lots of them. You have proposed a woefully inadequate total of three. Even now I chuckle into my martini napkin to think of it. Moreover, two of your three words–”we” and “do”–are exceedingly short and to the point.

You plainly have no grasp of the objective of marketing.

In my time with this firm, I have been personally involved with HUNDREDS of words crafted for the profitable benefit of such top-shelf clients as Pucker Pickles, Piney Mountain Hollow County Rural Water, and Dollar World. Furthermore, I have personally been witness to tens of millions of world-class advertisement campaigns during my six decades in the marketing realm.

I know Quality Wordcraftsmanship, Betsy. And high-quality writing simply DOES NOT include language like “do.” Next you will be suggesting the word “it”!

Have industry giants displayed such truncated, deficient verbiage in their branding efforts, Betsy? Mac-Donald? American Express? Milk?

WELL, NO.

NO Betsy. NEVER, Betsy.

I hope you now understand why the writing and creating is best left to those of Executive Intelligence. Good Day to you, Miss X.

And, good reader, Good Day to you as well.

–BJK III

[photo: Southernpixel]

A minority of these prospects lack even the basics of technological understanding that we simply take for granted here in our firm. While Internet is a complex concept to grasp, I can only encourage these poor people to study their encyclopedias, visit the local library or initiate an Internet Strategy Session with one of our many account managers.

What is this Country of Ours coming to?