So there I was at the nearest Ministop, sporting my fat hobo look with red barbecue sauce all over my shirt. I picked up some chips, a bottle of root beer and a few packs of instant pancit canton, then I headed over to the counter to pay for them. I cut the line, drawing spiteful looks from the family behind me. I couldn’t care less. I upset them more when I told the counter girl to hold off on my receipt because I just saw something that brought my world to a complete stop. On the rack a few feet from the counter are brand new issues of FHM. It’s their 100 Sexiest Women in the World issue and on the cover? Sam frickin’ Pinto.

I acted like a total dick when I got this and I should be ashamed, but fuck you, it’s Sam Pinto.

(...)
Read the rest of Sam Pinto, the 100 Sexiest Women in the World, Judgmental Moms and Their Scared Little Children (379 words)

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Post tags: 100 sexiest women in the world, fhm, men's magazine, ministop, sam pinto, voice combo sandwich

I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately and save for a few mentions on my Tumblr blog, I haven’t really talked about them. I’m thinking of writing Stubby Movie Reviews on the 10 films I recently saw but that sounds like a lot of work. So I’m just going to spoil each of them for you with a sentence and a random screen cap. You know, just because.

The Book of Eli

Mah Boy Denzel, who turns out to be blind, and Mila Kunis protect a copy of the Bible from Gary Oldman and his goons in a post-apocalyptic world, but they fail, which doesn’t mean a thing because Mah Boy Denzel has the entire book memorized and he eventually reaches Alcatraz, which is now a giant library, where the Bible is republished before Mah Boy Denzel dies.

(...)
Read the rest of One Sentence Spoilers for Ten Movies (407 words)

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Post tags: chevy chase, chloe, clash of the titans, denzel washington, gary oldman, hades, hot tub time machine, infestation, kraken, michael cera, mila kunis, someone's knocking at the door, the book of eli, the wolfman, when in rome, wild things foursome, youth in revolt

It’s been a couple of weeks since Lost ended but I’m still not over it. I didn’t even enjoy seasons 3 and 4 of Lost, but those awakening scenes in the finale, where characters in Limbo started remembering their crazy time on The Island, well it just melted my face. The catalysts to their awakenings are people and events that are significant to them emotionally. It was beautiful to watch and I may have shed a tear or two. It got me thinking; what if I’m in Limbo? Who or what would trigger my flashbacks? Who or what would cause me to remember my life on Earth and eventually convince my heart and soul that I should finally let go and move on?

Obviously, family members are the prime suspects for all of us to remember some of the most significant events of our lives. It’s a given so I’m not going to discuss this possibility. Because it’s boring.

Is it you, First Girl I’ve Ever Fallen in Love With? We had a tragic love affair, didn’t we? Oh to be young and stupid.

(...)
Read the rest of Are You the Catalyst to My Awakening? (588 words)

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Post tags: awakening, beer, camilla belle, festival supermall, laura ramsey, limbo, lost, porn, rav4, up los baños, UPLB

The secret is out; Secret Avengers is my favorite among all the new Avengers titles. OK, I may be exaggerating a bit because New Avengers and Avengers Academy haven’t even dropped yet, but still. I’m guessing I’ll like Secret more than the rest of them and I’m going to tell you why right now. By the way, I don’t think I’ll spoil the story for you but I don’t know what counts as a spoiler for you people. So, yeah. Just in case…

(...)
Read the rest of Secret Avengers #1: The Secret Is Out (564 words)

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Post tags: ant-man, beast, black widow, captain america, ed brubaker, mike deodato, moon knight, nova, secret avengers, sharon carter, steve rogers, valkyrie, war machine

In less than a week, the Philippines will pick a new president. We’ll be choosing a leader who we’ll be stuck with for the next 6 long years, that is if we don’t People Power their ass out of Malacañang or something. The future of the Philippines will be decided in a few days and I still haven’t made up my mind on who I’m voting for. This is my attempt in helping myself make this important decision.

Who I’m looking for:

• Someone who inspires trust. I know it’s a tall order since we’re talking about politicians, but being trustworthy is the first characteristic I look for in my leaders.
• Someone who is competent. They don’t have to be insanely intelligent. I just want someone who understands what this country needs and can figure out how we’re going to get it.
• Someone who is not hungry for power. That’s stupid considering we’re talking about people who are running for the highest office in the land, but somehow, I think I can tell who’s in it for the power and who’s in it because they really have noble intentions for the country.
• Someone new. Fuck traditional politicians.
• Someone who is capable of doing something about our stupid weather and other superhuman feats like eliminating corruption and poverty.

(...)
Read the rest of Picking My Next President (174 words)

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Post tags: erap, filipino, gloria macapagal-arroyo, malacañang, people power, presidential election, traditional politicians

It’s safe to say that most of us have had our hearts broken. I’m not talking about your parents telling you that you’re a big mistake or your friend bailing out on you that one time when there was a raid in that whore house and you were too drunk to make a run for it. No, I’m talking about failed romantic relationships and brutal rejections. It’s a very confusing experience, this heartbreak. This is me trying to make sense of it all.

Well, since my baby left me, I found a new place to dwell. It’s down at the
end of Lonely Street, at Heartbreak Hotel. *stab, stab, cut, cut*

Stage 1: Denial

Someone just broke your heart and you’re like “THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.” You keep telling yourself that this is just a hiccup in your fairy tale romance and it will pass. It’s surreal at first, but the cold hard truth will eventually find its way into your head. It’s over. The initial shock kicks in. It’s over.

Stage 2: Anger

You’re now in a constant “WTF?!” mood. Still trying to figure out what’s happening, you’re like a rabid dog who just lost its chew toy. You’re going to bark at everything. You’re going to bite everything. Your sole purpose in life right now is to write angry emails, post rage-filled Facebook status messages and Twitter updates, draw devil horns on people’s photos and kick puppies IN THE FACE. Casualties: Your friends, your family, your dog and countless innocent Internet bystanders.

(...)
Read the rest of The 7 Stages of Heartbreak (438 words)

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Post tags: acceptance, all by myself, anger, bargaining, beer, denial, depression, facebook, heartbreak, jack bauer, party, twitter

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I guess a photo not taken is a chunk of story left out, maybe even an entire story never told.

I’m taking a lot of pictures lately, maybe because I started my own Project 365, and I just realized that there were a lot of things, people and moments that I should’ve preserved in a photo. This is why I’m starting this blog series called I Wish I Took A Photo. I’m going to fill in the missing pieces of the story told by a series of photographs I’ve taken. I’m going to start with my recently concluded beach trip with some UPLB MASS brothers and sisters in Tingloy, Batangas (or as I like to call it, Tingloy Awesome Escapade). I left my camera’s battery at home so I was forced to document the 3-day trip with my camera phone. I’m not used to using my phone as a camera. Hence, fewer photos. I’m a dumbass.

I took a photo of the front of the boat on our way to Tingloy from the port of Mabini.

I wish I took a photo of my open fly. The sea breeze felt great down there. I wish I took a photo of our faces while the locals were telling their wacky stories about island life and deadly boat collisions. I wish I took a photo of my sleeping friends. I envied them because I only had 2 hours of sleep. I wish I took a photo of the boat captain’s face every time he yelled at me because I was blocking his view. He was like “I can’t see, boy!” and I was like “Whatever.”

(...)
Read the rest of I Wish I Took A Photo: Tingloy Awesome Escapade (796 words)

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Post tags: adobo, batangas, cliffhanger, cockfighting, corals, mabini port, project 365, sea creature, snorkeling, sunburn, tingloy

I don’t know what I’m doing here. I just got up from a 2-hour sleep and went “It’s frickin’ hot. Fuck this shit, I’m going to McDonald’s in Emerald.” So maybe I do know why I’m here. I can’t sleep. Because it’s frickin’ hot at the apartment. Also, I blame a girl. It’s always about a girl, isn’t it?

At this hour, with little sleep, only random things can be blogged by my random brain. What does that even mean, “random brain”? Tss.

They’re playing Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus songs here. Beggars can’t be choosers.

I want a new name. Here’s a list of the names I’m considering:

Dr. Bloodfang McKickface
Laserwolf Deathplosion
Thunderfire Venomclaw
Bomber Satanblood
Hurricane Sharkpunch
Babyface Killswitch
Hellskull Gravetalon
Rocky St. Bazooka
Electroslash Supernova
Stabhammer Devilbone

(...)
Read the rest of It’s 4 AM and I’m at a McDonald’s, blogging about random shit. (229 words)

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Post tags: fhm, girl called trouble, mcdonalds, miley cyrus, taylor swift, tumblr, UPLB

It’s the past. You just arrived in the university, scared and excited at the same time. I just left it, more scared than excited, facing what lies ahead. We are unaware that the other exists.

It’s the present. You’re about to graduate. I’m more excited than scared, hungry for the future. We’re getting to know each other a little too well. Yes, I do know it’s from a song, OK?!

It’s the future. We’re both scared and excited and happy. Nothing else exists.

It’s the past. We’re meeting for the very first time. I think you’re a snobbish high maintenance rich kid, you think I’m a rude fat alcoholic jerk.

It’s the present. You think I’m quite OK. I think you’re amazing.

It’s the future. We think the world of each other.

It’s the past. I call you Freak Show, you call me Scatterbrain.

It’s the present. You call me Cheesy, I call you Trouble.

It’s the future. We call each other everyday.

(...)
Read the rest of I, Time Traveler (152 words)

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Post tags:

Must be 18-30 years old and female. Preferably single. And hot.

Must be willing to be called “Sweetheart” while sharing a story book romance with a dick like me.

I want your love and I want your revenge. You and me could write a Baddie romance.

Must be aware that “shits” and “stuffs” are not the plural forms of “shit” and “stuff”, respectively.

Must be able to look past my unpleasant exterior, as well as my pungent aroma.

Must understand and accept the fact that I am not a dog person. I like cats, though. Because they’re hilarious.

Must be comfortable with awkward silences because, believe me, there will be a lot of that. I am the master of awkward silences. THE MASTER!

(...)
Read the rest of Wanted: Valentine’s Day Sweetheart (241 words)

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Post tags: awkward silences, dick jokes, drinking buddy, haiku poems, romance, valentine's day