Baby Love Slings

Am I unintentionally weaning?

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:18:00 +0000

As I write this, Hubby and I are driving to Jacksonville from my parents' house in Ft. Walton Beach to go to the Gator game. Hooray!! This is one of the biggest games of the year and I have ALWAYS wanted to go. This is the beginning of our 10th wedding anniversary celebration. After the game we are driving to a house on the beach for a couple days before we head back to my parents' to pick up the boys. 4 kid-free days, a Gator game, time on the beach, sleeping in, lots of quality time with Hubby... It is gonna be awesome!

There is just one thing I am a bit concerned about. And, truthfully, I am not sure there is anyone left reading this blog as I have been so unfaithful to post lately. But if there is anyone reading this, I could use your input.
I have never left Caden overnight before. And while he has been doing great at sleeping through the night lately, I feel a little nervous about it. I know he'll be fine. He adores my parents and they'll keep him occupied and soothed. I am not really worried about that. I am worried about the nursing. I left my pump at home so I went and bought a cheapie hand pump so I could attempt to pump while I am gone. But, will 4 days of no nursing be the end of nursing for Caden and I? Will he be done or will he pick it back up as soon as he sees me?
And even if he wants to, will there be anything there for him after no baby stimulating milk production for 4 days?
He is almost 15 months so it wouldn't be the end of the world for him to be weaned. But I am not ready and he still nurses several times a day. At least he used to. Lucas nursed until almost 2 so I thought Caden and I had more time.
I am trying to mentally prepare myself that this may be the end of nursies. And it would REALLY be the end since Caden is most likely my last baby. Should I let this be the weaning process for Caden or be diligent to pump several times a day with this little hand pump and try to hold on?
I can't save any milk pumped 'cuz I have no way to get it home. It would be pumping just to try to keep the milk flowing. And if you know me, you know that I HATE pumping and I'm not super good at it.
Thoughts? Anyone? I could use your advice and/or encouragement. If anyone is still there, I mean. :)
Thanks for sticking with me if you are here.
And Go Gators!! Beat Georgia!!

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And He's a Reader!!!

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 04:00:00 +0000

Lucas has always been a very verbal kid. After the obligatory "mama" and "dada," his first actual word was "thunder" (at 13months) and it just took off from there. Now, the boy rarely stops talking. He could spell his name by 18months and has always had a vocab way beyond his age. I know all kids have their special gifts. Language and learning just happen to be part of his giftedness. And now, we can include reading in this list!! :)
We have been working with flashcards and teaching him phonics. He loves the show Super Why which combines his love for stories and language. He sits for hours and "reads" books on his own. Then, tonight, it clicked. He saw the word "log" on a card and read it without any prompting!!! Admitedly, it is early. But, I am so proud I can't help but bubble over! :)
He is still getting the hang of it. But the flashcards are really helping it make sense in his little brain. The words and sounds he has learned through the flashcards he can now read in a book when he sees them. Hooray for my budding little reader!!
But just when I think he has truly got it, he looks at the word books and says "b-o-o-k-s." He makes all the correct phonic sounds "buh-oo-oo-ka-sss." He says it 2 or 3 times, getting a little faster each time. Then, he gets this adorable little 3-year-old grin on his face and says "frog!"
One step at a time. My little boy is a reader!

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10 Years Later

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 06:18:00 +0000

No, that isn't the time span between my last blog posts! Hehe!! I have been so hit or miss here lately... and I don't really have a good excuse. Except that more often these days I am leaving my laptop off and curling up under a blanket on the couch and falling asleep. It is heavenly! I highly recommend it! Or I am off doing other things, keeping oh-so-busy. I miss this blog though... my personal spot to reflect and process and share my life with those that I love. I am vowing now to try to get back into the groove. My soul and my poor, cluttered brain need it! :0

In the meantime, Hubby and I just celebrated our 10th college reunion this weekend. What a trip! It was strange to be back on campus and see so many familiar faces. People I haven't seen or really even thought about in almost 10years. We went to chapel, we walked around campus, we showed our boys the dorms we lived in and the places where we used to hang out. In my own mind, I might could still fit in with the hip, cute 20-somethings bopping around campus. But I am sure they looked at me and wondered "Who is that older woman and what is she doing here? She must not have much else to do." :) I remember thinking that when I was a student about people who came back for homecoming. Lucas loved seeing all the sights his Daddy tells him about in stories. (Lucas loves to hear stories before bed and always asks for a story about Wheaton College.) He loved seeing the Bell Tower and hearing the Edman Chapel chimes. It was very cool to be back there with my boys!

(first picture up top) Fall '96- Oh, young love!

(left) junior year-Spring '98
(right) in front of the same house- Fall '09. Seeing how we both have aged in 10years is a bit unsettling!

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(left) senior year- Feb '99; the Wheaton tradition of going up the Tower to ring the bells when you got engaged. The baby in this picture now babysits my babies and the little guy in the front just got his driver's license. Yikes! I'm in the front in the red sweater and Hubby is in the blue shirt behind me.
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(right) visiting the Tower with my boys this weekend (Caden's asleep in the sling). Life coming full circle...

Walking out of chapel on Friday, it was pouring down rain. Hubby and I just walked hand-in-hand down that familiar path from chapel to the dining hall, silent. No words needed. It felt sweet to still be holding his hand, to still be loving him and being loved by him, 10 years and LOTS of water under the bridge later. It was moving, refreshing to my soul. Neither of us would ever have guessed we would walk through all that God has put before us. We thought we were going to live in Nashville, have our 2.5 kids, adopt from China, ...blah, blah, blah. Instead we went to Baltimore and came back to Chicago and all along the way had to maneuver our way through some major bumps in the road. Bumps that you don't exactly talk about over pizza in a tent with people who you probably won't see for another 10years. But things that have made us who we are. Holding Hubby's hand and walking through the rain and carrying our boys as we visit places from our past, I couldn't help but feel like one of the luckiest gals around. I wouldn't trade my bumps for anything. Well, that is not totally true. I might change a few things if I could. But my life is what God has meant it to be. He has directed the last 10 years, bumps and all, to bring me here-at my 10yr reunion with my class-mate and soul-mate and our two amazing sons.

Those 20-somethings don't have any clue what life will hold for them. I know I didn't. But I am blessed. Old, but blessed. :)

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Satisfying his Curiosity with the Truth

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 03:45:00 +0000

From the moment Lucas could talk, he has been asking questions. He wanted to know everything about everything. Still does. "Mommy, talk about trees. Talk about lightening. Talk about mud or firetrucks or freight trains." I was explaining photosynthesis and the definition of nocturnal to my 2 year, because he asked. He is a very bright, very verbal, very cerebral kid. And as he gets older, the questions are not waning. Just getting more complex. "Mommy, who made God? How do people who live in heaven walk on the clouds? Why do some animals eat plants and others eat meat?"
And along with being a curious kid, he is also an avid reader. Well, he isn't quite reading alone. But he loves to be read to and to learn what the books say so he can " read" them to himself. When I was first introduced to the Ouestions for Little Hearts books (from author Kathleen Bostrom), I knew they would be a good fit for us. Having lost our first son before Lucas was born, we talk a lot about heaven around here. Lucas knows he has an older brother in heaven and that we will see him again someday. But those discussions themselves lead to lots of other questions about heaven and God and other spiritual matters. These are questions that I love to talk abut with him but I don't always have the answers. And that is exactly why I love these books.
The most recent one's we read were "Who Made the World?" and "What is the Bible?" And just like the others in this series that we have loved, these books captivated Lucas' attention and sparked lots of questions. The books always start with a list of questions your toddler may have about the world or the Bible or prayer or heaven.

"What was the hardest, and what was most fun? "The planets or the stars or the people- which one? If you had it all to do over again, would you make the world as you did way back them?

The second half of the book if written as if God is speaking to your preschooler, directly answering his/her questions.

"Nothing was hard; I enjoyed every minute. I love the whole world! I love everything in it! If I could go back, I would not change a thing. But wait till you see what the future will bring!"

If your kids are like mine, the poetic answers will be only the beginning of answering the questions. This is when I turn to the last few pages of the book. They break it down page by page and list the scripture reference that backs up the reply. The references for the above quoted passages are: Genesis 1:31 "God looked over all He had made, and he saw that it was very good!" Also, Revelation 4:11 and Revelation 21:1. After reading "Who Made the World?" Lucas and I had a good talk about the creation story and what it means to be part of God's creation. Lucas asked, "If God made the world, then who made God?" Good question, little man. The references in the back of our book list Revelation 22:13, "I am ... the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End." Not exactly a clear-cut answer, but that is not exactly a clear-cut question. It did, however, explain it a little more and give us me some words to use to talk about God's eternal nature with my 3yr. old.

So, as I have said before, we are big fans of the Little Blessings books. The author, Kathleen Bostrom, is an ordained minister and pastor's wife. Her explanations are poetic (aka: easy to read and not annoying if you have to read them over and over), thorough and yet kid-friendly. When reading these to my boys, they are entertained and instructed all at once. And as a mom of boys who have LOTS of questions, I love that! I can't recommend them enough. There are so many in this series that I'm sure you could find the perfect one for your little questioner.

Other titles: What is God Like? Who is Jesus? Are Angels Real? Is God Always with Me? Why is there a Cross? What is Prayer? and many more. Check out the Tyndale Kids website for the full list.

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How Little Boys Play Candyland

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 05:17:00 +0000

Lucas is just recently getting into playing games. He has always loved puzzles and books and, of course, his cars and trains. But he is starting to love board games like Hi-Ho Cherry-O and Candyland and Rummikub. This past weekend, I came into the living room to find him playing Candyland by himself with his army men as the pieces. He wasn't so much playing the game as he was using the board as a battlefield and a stage for his VERY active imagination. Some of the men were camped out in the chocolate swamp waiting to attack the battalion that was moving out of peppermint forest. But to make it even funnier, he was using the jack hammer from a Bob the Builder game as a machine gun and was knocking all the men over with it. When I asked him what was going on, he said "These men are trying to save Queen Snowflake from the evil witch (Mrs. Peanut Brittle) but the witch's men are hiding in the chocolate lake having a snack so they'll have more energy to fight. That is why I have to knock them over with the jack hammer. They are stuck and can't move 'cuz the chocolate is sticky and they ate so much their bellies are too full. So the good guys are gonna come and shoot them with their candy canes." Makes sense, right?!
Candyland... little boy style!

For more Wordful Wednesday, visit Angie at Seven Clown Circus.

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Fall, Fabulous Fall!!

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 04:00:00 +0000

This is one of the few times of year that I LOVE living in Chicagoland and don't ask myself everyday why I don't live at the beach. Fall is so beautiful here. I love the crisp air, the cozy feeling you get when you wear a hoodie or soft sweatshirt, being able to sleep with the window open, the leaves, the pumpkins, ... I love it!!
Here are some recent pics of the beginnings of our fall-fun! Hope you and your fam are enjoying the change of season too.

Apple picking today with our best-est buds! It was a nice fall day but quite blustery!

Lucas picking an apple. He picked a couple and even ate one as he walked through the orchard. So classic! :)

Caden getting into the apple-picking spirit!

A family fall hike at the Morton Arboretum last weekend.

The boys playing on Big Rock (such a creative name, eh?)

Mommy and the boys (BTW- I am wearing one of my newest slings. You gotta check out my new fabrics. They are so fabulous!)

The boys holding hands as we walk through the zoo. This happened totally organically, no prodding from mom. Lucas loves to be with Caden (even if he is a bit rough at times) and I love seeing them bond with each other.

And there is more fun to come...

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Happy Babywearing Week!

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 04:39:00 +0000

Hey y'all! It's International Babywearing Week! Hooray!!

To celebrate, I thought I might share some of my most recent babywearing pics. If you are posting something similar, please leave me a comment so I can come over and check out your babywearing cute-ness too!

At the Florida Gator's game last week. Caden was SO exhausted and fell asleep nursing in the sling. He is 13months and 26lbs. and can still nurse cradle-style in the sling on the go. Even at a football game, in the rain, in front of 90,000 people. :)

At the circus a few weeks ago. Caden sat in the sling for most of the second half. I got several comments from people about Caden being so content in the sling for so long. I guess that happens when he has been worn almost every day of his life so far!

At the Illinois Railway Museum for a Day Out with Thomas

My sweet little niece (and my sweet sister-in-law) enjoying their first ever sling cuddles! Hopefully they have many more to come.

Lucas wanted to wear his brother in the sling. We first tried his doll sling but Caden was WAY too big. So Lucas decided to use mine. He had a hard time standing and keeping his balance with Caden strapped to his body. But that didn't stop him. The two boys just sat in the hallway, Lucas wearing Caden in the sling. Talk about making this babywearing-mama's heart swell with pride! :)

This season of my motherhood journey has been all about transition and learning to accept myself and my family for who we are and not who I (or others) think we should be. And through this process, I am realizing more and more how grateful I am for the bond I have with my boys- a bond that has been greatly enhanced through babywearing. Lucas still asks to get in the sling now and then. And I am happy to oblige for as long as he'll let me. I love having them so close, their heads in the perfect postition for me to rest my cheek or give them a sweet kiss. I cherish my babywearing moments with my boys and I won't be giving it up until they don't fit anymore or they go off to college, whichever comes first. :)

Happy Babywearing Week! Cuddle those babies!!

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At the Swamp

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 11:05:00 +0000

Today I am checking something off my life's bucket list - you know, that list of things you must do before you die. Today, my family (minus Hubby) and I are at a Gator game at the Swamp! Not only that, but some alumni friends got us the tickets and are helping us get to the front of the line for the GatorWalk (when the players arrive at the stadium to get ready for the game). I am SO hoping to shake Tebow's hand or have him give Lucas a high-five! Truthfully, I am pretty happy just to be able to see him with my own eyes and watch him play a home game. I have been to the Swamp before but never to a game there. This is truly a once in a lifetime thing for me (or maybe not, hopefully not!). But even if I get back to the Swamp sometime, it wouldn't be with Tebow so this is just so amazing. For you non-football people, sorry to ramble on. I just really love my Gators and really love Tim Tebow! You'll never find a more quality guy than Timmy! And he just so happens to be one of the best college football players ever.

Go Gators!!

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370 days

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 05:00:00 +0000

Caden and his new cousin Emilee are exactly 370 days apart. I knew babies changed a lot that first year but these pictures put it all into perspective for me. Look how big he is next to her!! He's walking all over and can say about a dozen words. All that happens in less than 370days. Wow! Pretty surreal. My baby is not so much a baby anymore. But he's still so stinkin' cute!!

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Transitioning to Whatever is Next

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:43:00 +0000

It has been a big week around here.

Lucas started school. Yes, my baby is now in school. I haven't had to drop-and-go yet... that starts tomorrow. But Tuesday was the first actual session of preschool. The parents got to stay the first day, to help the transition for ~~the moms~~ the kids. We had a fun morning of checking out all the fun stuff preschool has to offer. Lucas didn't want to leave at the end so hopefully that bodes well for his first solo-day tomorrow.
I am truthfully not looking forward to leaving him. I am sure he will do fine. I, on the other hand, will be obsessively watching the clock 'til time to go pick him up. I will eventually adjust too, it just may take a couple drop-offs. :)
My most emotional moment on Tuesday came when we all went outside for some playtime. Lucas saw a pinwheel in the toy basket. He immediately went over and picked it up and stuck it in the ground. "This is what we do at the cemetery, Mommy. So this pinwheel is for my brother Micah." I had to turn away for a second so Lucas and all the other moms/kids wouldn't see me wipe the tears away. It was an emotional moment for me. Lucas growing up before my eyes, thinking about Micah and see how the remembering has become a part of Lucas' life just as it is a part of mine.

The other big event of this week- Caden is no longer co-sleeping and is mostly sleeping through the night. He has slept all the way through only once but even if he wakes up, Hubby or I go in and lay him back down (not ever picking him up) and pat him 'til he is calm. Then, we turn and walk out. He cries for a few minutes (last night it was 3min) and then falls back asleep. No night-nursies, no hours of dramatic crying- much more sleep for everyone! It is pretty amazing that the transition was this easy. It really only took one sleepless night for Hubby (and Caden and me too) over Labor Day weekend and we have all been sleeping better since. The boys are even sleeping in the same room now! I think I am still a bit in disbelief that this will continue. But so far, so good. I am getting more sleep than I have in years. Literally. Which can only be a good thing. I do miss my little night-time cuddler, but I still bring him in bed with me in the morning when he wakes up for some good cuddles and nursies. Even Lucas has been sleeping longer. We all generally get up around 6 or 6:30 now which is a vast improvement from the 5am (or earlier) wake-up call Lucas has been known to give me.

So... my one child is starting preschool and the other is sleeping in his own crib all night. Wow, life is sure changing. Next time I blink, both boys will be in school and then life will really start to look different. Right after Caden was born when life was really draining, I daily reminded myself that life wouldn't always look that way. Those days feel long, still do sometimes, but every phase transitions into something new with a new challenge. I am getting more sleep and the boys are growing more independent by the day. The challenges of having an infant are mostly behind me. The next challenge? Maybe starting the letting go. Maybe. :)

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Beginnings

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 04:50:00 +0000

It is a beautiful night tonight. The air is crisp, we had a fun dinner out with some friends, Hubby is off tomorrow, I am on track to finish sewing my slings for my final French Market this Saturday, and I'M WATCHING COLLEGE FOOTBALL!! Oh, how I miss college football! My Gators play on Saturday after the Market and I am so pumped! I actually get to go to TWO Gator games this year and I literally can't wait. I love the beginning of the season when hopes are high and dreams of a National Championship are on everyone's mind. So great! Too bad my Gators are gonna whoop everybody and dash their hopes... :) Go Gators!!

But tonight is the beginning of more than the college football season. It is potentially the beginning of a happier, more well-rested mama in this house. Since my Hubby has a four-day weekend, he has graciously volunteered to take Caden-duty all weekend (aka-teach Caden to sleep through the night without waking up to nurse). I am feeling a bit conflicted about this, truthfully, wanting more sleep but not wanting to give up the precious nightime cuddles with my little guy. But, at his age he should be able to go all night without nursing. He is just accustomed to it since that is all he has known. Until now. I wouldn't have done this any earlier, but he is old enough to sleep through the night by himself and I am in need of some sleep. So, if you think about it, say a little prayer for Hubby and Caden that the next few nights would go smoothly and everyone would get some rest. And pray for mama too that I wouldn't feel too much guilt about it and actually sleep instead of worrying about what is happening downstairs. I am gonna miss my little snuggler. It is for the best though... right?

Wish us luck! I'll let you know how it goes!

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Choosing the Moment

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 05:34:00 +0000

Today was heavy on the errands. For most of the day, my boys and I trucked around town trying to check things off my list of things to-do. So at the end of the day, once most of the errands were done, I took the boys to a park nearby for a little un-scripted playtime. The weather was peculiarly fall-ish- sunny, with a slight breeze and probably around 70degrees. Perfect. We climbed on the jungle-gym, went down the slide, had an impromptu game of pirates and dragons. Lucas loved to slide down the slide and then stand at the bottom to catch his brother to Caden's utter delight. It was like time was standing still. Perfect weather, time with my boys, laughs all around. No phone calls, no e-mail, no list... just playtime with my two favorite people in the whole world. Perfect.
So perfect, in fact, that I looked at the time and realized we had been there for over an hour. It was after 5pm and I had thawed chicken at home waiting to become some sort of culinary masterpiece (hear the sarcasm). A quick assessment of things brought me to a point of decision- leave the park now and rush home to throw dinner together and still probably not be eating until after 6. OR stay at the park, in this gorgeous sunshine, with my boys having a blast on the slide and in the sand and me feeling so very content and just pick up take out on the way home....
My decision? The chicken will wait. I chose the moment. This moment when I was enjoying my boys and watching them in their pure-little-boy glory.
I wished life could freeze in that moment- all three of us perfectly content. But since it can't, I am grateful for the memory and the satisfaction that I made the right choice. Next time, I won't even think twice.

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My Little DareDevil

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 04:09:00 +0000

This may look like nothing much to you. But it is a whole new world for me. Lucas was never much of a daredevil. He was content to stay on the ground, never really like to swing, always wanted to hold my hand. And then there is Caden who crawls across playground bridges that are 8feet off the ground. He LOVES to swing and has recently learned to scoot his bottom on the slide and get himself down. By himself!!! At age 1!!! Oh, my. I have a feeling I am in for a ride with this kid. My little daredevil!

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Week 53

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 05:21:00 +0000

We have had a busy couple weeks, celebrating Caden's birthday with family and friends and just living life to the fullest. I have been horribly delinquent with posting here so I thought a little update was in order. Here is a photo tour of week 53+ for Caden and his family...

I took the boys to the Arboretum on Caden's actual birthday (the 11th). We love to be outside and in the fresh air, running in the grass and feeling the warm breeze. It was a great way to celebrate my boys and Caden's birthday. We then went home and had a picnic lunch with Daddy which was also super fun.

My parents and sister came into town later in the week to continue the celebration. Here we are playing outside by Micah's tree. It was just a perfect day and I felt so blessed to have my parents with us. To see them playing with the boys just makes life seem simple and meaningful to me. I know they cherish my sons and each bring so much joy to the other. And that to me, is priceless. I want my boys to grow up having as much time with Mimi and Pa as possible. What a richness they bring to their lives and for that I am so grateful.

Lucas eating watermelon at the park. I couldn't resist adding in this pic. I love that little watermelon-face!! :)

My family all trekked down to the city for the Chicago Air and Water show. It was a fabulous show and we had a great time. Lucas loved the airplanes, as long as I was covering his ears! (He doesn't like loud noises) :) My dad is a retired AirForce fighter pilot so it was especially meaningful to see with him. Lucas even declared he wants to be a fighter pilot when he grows up to the delight of us all!

Caden's official birthday party was last Sunday. It was a simple gathering of some friends from church and our small group. I just wanted to have a picnic outside by Micah's tree. But the weather forced us inside which turned out even better. Thank God for unexpected blessings. Caden certainly didn't let us down with the smushing of the cake. But the highlights of the party were definitely the kids riding their trikes around safety town and then one of the kids pulling the fire alarm as the party was drawing to a close. The fire trucks came and we all had to evacuate the building. It was pretty funny and the kids thought I had arranged the coolest birthday party finale ever!

I became an Auntie! My brother-in-law and my sister-in-law had a little baby girl on August 16th. Now I can finally buy all those adorable dresses and spoil my sweet niece! She is so tiny and so precious!

This weekend, we went to the Day Out with Thomas at the Illinois Railway Museum. As we plugged along on the 10min train ride, we pretended to be traveling to Sodor. "I see Gordon pulling his tender," Lucas would say and Hubby and I would play along. We had a blast. It was just the refreshing time together as a family that we needed after a busy birthday season.

As you can see, we have been pretty busy. But all fun things so I can't complain!
I am really gonna try to be better about posting here. My life is in transition right now. I have a lot of irons in the fire and a bit of a heavy heart. But, I am sorting and purging and figuring things out and would certainly appreciate your prayers as I do so. Have you heard the Matthew West song "The Motions?" You should listen to it if you haven't. It has become my mantra of late. Better yet, my prayer.
Lord, make my life meaningful and intentional, not just going through the motions. These boys, this life, are too precious to live any other way. Help me, Lord, to live the 51 weeks left in this 2nd year of Caden's life with passion and love and peace.

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The Perfect Party

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 05:33:00 +0000

I need to go to bed... My 5:30 wake-up call is coming all too soon. But I just wanted to get some thoughts out so that my mind can sleep. If my mind won't turn off, I often can't fall asleep or I have disturbing dreams no matter how tired I am. Does that happen to anyone else?

We had Caden's official birthday party today- just a small gathering of people from our church and small group. It was nice. Actually, it was perfect. Food and cupcakes and presents and laughing. Kids playing and riding bikes, adults conversing and having a good time. More pictures from tonight to come once I download off my camera and get them from friends.
But beyond being a super-fun party (with a visit by the fire department... a story for another day), it was a lesson to me in surrender.

You see, I seem to have a curse. A rain curse to be exact. If I planned an outdoor party in the middle of the Sahara Desert, that would be the day the sky would open up and the rain would fall non-stop. This is not the first time I have, with the best of intentions, planned an outdoor gathering only for the weather to be uncooperative. As I cooked and prepped today in my kitchen, I started to feel the frustration and self-pity roll in with the dark clouds. Of course it would pour down rain during MY party! All I want is a simple, well-executed, memorable party that people will enjoy. I just want Caden's party to be special and wonderful... and now it is raining. Perfect!!
I tried to not let it get the best of me. I plodded ahead, hoping that maybe a miraculous burst of sunshine would break forth and push those nasty rain clouds away. But deep down I was not at all suprised this was happening to me.

I have this issue with God. My issue is... nothing ever seems to go the way I plan. I do my best to plan, plan, plan. I dot every "i" and cross every "t". At least I try. But something always throws a wrench in my plan. It can never be easy and straightforward or according to my well-thought out schedule. This has probably been true about me for most of my life. I am certainly not one of those "charmed" girls- you know, the ones that no matter what they do, what they touch, it comes out smelling like roses. But this issue I have with God has seemed to become more and more pronouced since losing Micah. Of course this would happen to me. Everything happens to me!

So tonight, we arrived at the party lo-cal hoping that the promised indoor back-up space would be suitable. I just wanted it to be larger than a closet and clean. Well, my very low standards were more than exceeded. It was probably the most perfect party room I could have hoped for. Plenty of room, bright paint, clean space, toys for kids, tables and chairs,... It had everything. We set up, the guests arrived, and we all had a fabulous time desipte my self-pity and grumbling.

God must have been sitting there shaking His head, listening to me whine. The party was better than what I had planned. We got to eat in this perfect inside space with A/C and then go outside to play once the rain cleared up a bit. I hope my guests thought so too, but I had a great time.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me and my family with a perfect party even though I was complaining and sulking. Thank you for providing an alternative and lifting my mood so that I could see what a perfect party YOU planned for my little boy.

I am not sure what to do about this little issue I have with God. I am working on it, I suppose- trying to let it all go. The pity and the entitlement are not at all attractive or edifiying to my soul. I thought I had planned a good party but God's was better. Typical. Maybe next time I will trust that He really does have my good in mind- that His ways are higher. Like I said, I.m working on it.

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He Just Makes Life Sparkle

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 05:11:00 +0000

I had all these plans tonight of planning his party, making party favors, and spending some quality time reflecting on the last year and all that his birth has brought into my life. But, he didn't nap well today, is teething, and seems to be really hungry lately (growth spurt?). And every mother knows those three things equate to an interruption in whatever sleep patterns may or may not exist. So instead of having lots of time to get things done tonight, I am nursing and rocking and bouncing and patting and singing. And while I liked my original plan, this seems like the appropriate way to welcome in Caden's 1st birthday. It is certainly representative of the last year of both of our lives.
He is my constant interruption, my companion that rarely leaves my hip. Even as I type this, he sleeps in my lap, stirring occasionally and smacking those lips as if he is need of nourishment. He is really only in need of reassurance that mama is still here and eager to meet his needs. And I am. I think, though, that having him here in my lap is just as reassuring to me.

Before Caden, I thought life was leveling out- that I was getting back to a manageable place. Then came the news that little Caden was growing in my womb and life took an unexpected turn. But sitting here looking at his sweet face, I wouldn't trade a bit of the chaos for even a minute of peace. He makes life rich and full. Busy, crazy, sleepless. But wonderfully full.

He is getting so big and is a baby no more. I love how he is starting to push back when his brother gets a little rough. I love how he leans in to look me right in the face when I am holding him. He giggles and his 3 little teeth make for the most adorable smile ever! His eyes sparkle and he makes mine do the same.

Happy Birthday, my sweet Caden.
You take my plans and shake them all up. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

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Charmer

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 11:36:00 +0000

While trying desperately to get both boys ready for nap time today (so mama could nap too!), I asked Lucas several times to come to the bathroom to sit on the potty. He finally came, did his business, then went back over to his bookshelf to start choosing his book selections for "quiet time." I then tried to go over some basic rules of quiet time before leaving the room. "Don't come out of the room until I come to get you, play or read quietly, no going into your closet," ... blah, blah, blah. I could tell he wasn't really listening and I was getting no response.

"Buddy, when I am talking to you, it would be nice to get some sort of response so that I know you are listening." I said this is my best "I am trying to be patient but I am so-very tired and getting frustrated that I am apparently talking to myself" tone of voice. I still got no response as he was fully engulfed in his books by this time.
"Lucas, are you listening to me?"... "Answer me, please!" (Sometimes I think I prefer disobedience to being totally ignored!)

"Mom, I hear you. I love you. I respect you. I love when you play with me. I love when you read me stories. I think you are pretty. I like when we spend time together. Thank you for making lunch for me..."

He kept going but by this time I was laughing hysterically so I didn't catch the end! What a little charmer!! A simple "OK, Mom" would have been acceptable. But this certainly made my day! In fact, I made him say it again, just to hear it. :) I hugged my little charmer and we were both smiling ear-to-ear.

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From Baby to Boy

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 11:01:00 +0000

One week from today, my baby becomes a little less baby and a little more little boy.
He is walking and starting to talk. He has this hilarious little fake laugh he does when he knows something is funny and wants attention. There are also the mini-tantrums when he doesn't get his way or when I won't let him take food out of the refrigerator or the pantry or the dog bowl or his brother's hands. He is stubborn and opinionated and most often hungry.

And yet, if he is crying in his bed, he quiets when he hears my footsteps on the stairs. I pick him up and his little head just melts into my shoulder. He signs for "nursies" and then starts to giggle when he lays back in my lap, knowing that he is getting what he asked for. He is not a great sleeper, still waking several times a night. But if he is snuggled close to Mama, he could sleep for hours and hours. I stand in the dark with his body collapsed on my chest, swaying in the silence. He is back asleep, has been for a few minutes now. I could lay him back down but instead I lay my cheek against his sweet head, drinking in this moment while I can. While he is still my little baby.

There is nothing magical about the day itself. There is not a dramatic shift from baby to pre-toddler at the moment he turns 1. But there is something momentous about the day, something worth celebrating and reflecting upon. And I plan to do both.

He may be walking and talking and developing a very strong sense of toddler-entitlement. But he is still my baby.

For more Wordful Wednesday, visit Angie at Seven Clown Circus.

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My Sweet Boys

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 04:50:00 +0000

As we prepare for Caden to turn one in less than 2weeks, I am really starting to love the way life looks these days. Don't get me wrong- it is still certainly challenging and trying at times. Neither boy sleeps all that great with Caden still not sleeping through the night. Caden is also starting to make his little will known in a very vocal and stubborn way. But, everyday the boys play together more and seem to genuinely love to be with each other. I love it!! These are my boys, my heart.

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More?

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 04:26:00 +0000

My very pregnant sister-in-law came to hang out with us the other day. I love her cute pregnant belly. I love hearing how her daughter still has so much room to wiggle in there. I love all the tiny pink clothes and the anticipation of waiting for her arrival. I see her, waiting for her baby to be born. On the verge of her life changing in ways that are impossible to predict or prepare her for. Then I look at my baby, my almost one-year-old baby. I was exactly where she is a year ago. Pregnant and waiting.

I actually LOVE being pregnant even though it is full of drama for me. I love knowing that my child is growing inside my womb, safe and protected and nurtured. I love feeling him move and kick. I don't even mind all the other discomforts because the miracle of it all overshadows all the hassle. But even though all those things are true, I am fairly sure that I am done having babies. I might want another one down the road, FAR down the road. But even that is just a maybe.

I have often wondered what kind of mom I would be if I could focus all my time and attention on one kid. Would I be too smothering? Would I be more creative and attentive? Would I be able to homeschool like I ideally would want to? Having two kids right now stretches my emotional and physical energy. Although, that seems to be getting better the older Caden gets. And while the reality of having two right now does not always bring out the best in me, I ultimately think I may be better able to be the kind of mother that I want to be if I don't have anymore kids and can focus my time and energy on my two boys. On those days when I am rested and on my mommy-game, this feels manageable. More than that, it feels ideal and fulfilling and the way I want my life to be. Throw another newborn in the mix, the night feedings and all that having an infant brings, and I don't know how I would deal with it at this point.

That being said, it is sad to think of never being pregnant again or snuggling a newborn in my sling. I may have to use my newborn neice or my sisters' babies to take care of my need for sling-cuddles. Admitedly, I feel genuinely torn. So we have decided not to decide, at least for now. We went forward with a birth control option that gives us about 5years of worry-free family planning. Maye 4years from now, I will realize that I can handle one more and that our family would be able to stretch to make more room. OR.... it may be crystal clear that my baby days are through and I can put all my energy into my 5and 7 year old boys. I'm sure by that time, I will have a lot of energy, right?

Maybe I will want to try for a girl and maybe I will be so in the thick of little league and karate that tea parties and tutus won't seem to fit in my world.

And there is always the question of adoption. I have always wanted to adopt. Since my first trip to China when I was a senior in highschool, I know that my family would one day include a Chinese daughter. And that is still the basic plan... but you know how plans go sometimes. I have heard some horrow stories about adoption and some great successes. Regardless, it is something that has always been in my heart and in my life plan. But if losing Micah taught me anything, it is that what I plan and try to prepare for is ALWAYS second to and totally dependant on God's higher plan. I could get pregnant next month or never again- God knows and holds it all.

Life feels perfect right now. I mean, crazy busy and not enough sleep and kinda chaotic. But slowly I am getting back to level ground after years of a roller coaster life. And I think I want to keep these feet planted for awhile. For the sake of myself, my marriage, my boys. I am not saying forever. But for awhile at least.

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One Step Outside the Circle

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:35:00 +0000

It is almost midnight as I sit here to reflect on my BlogHer experience so far. I really should go to bed but I feel the need to process just a bit of the overwhelming day I had today.

The pre-parties were great! I partied with my fellow Chicagonistas on Wednesday and my fellow ChicagoMoms bloggers on Thursday. Both parties were super fun and not very intimidating at all. I'm doing pretty well so far, I told myself. Well, then came today.

It was just as I expected but not how I had hoped, if that makes any sense at all. My track record for things like this, social situations just outside my comfort zone, is for everything to seem SO complicated and take so much emotional effort and thick skin. The first hiccup was that they couldn't find my registration. It all got resolved but it was just a headache I didn't expect to start the day. I found some friendly faces and chilled with them off and on. I am not afraid to be alone at events like this. I just didn't want to be alone all day. And I wasn't. So that was good. I sat at lunch with bloggers I know, trying to not be shy. Trying to be a part of the conversation. I would like to think that it is just because I don't interact with these cool gals very often that I felt a bit like an outsider trying desperately to be part of the crowd. And that is probably it. But admittedly, I feel that way around people I know too so I think it is just me. See, complicated and lots of emotional effort. I just always feel one step behind, a few inches outside the circle. And today was no different. And as insignificant as the registration hiccup might seem to you, to me it felt like just one more example of how this is not really my scene. Do I really belong here? Where DO I really belong?

I felt like that off and on all day as I mingled with people who take blogging VERY seriously. I mean, I do too, I guess. But not like this. I sat in on a session where people discussed all the different strategies to getting more traffic on your blog. Google page ranks, tweeting your posts several times a day, managing your thousands of twitter followers, ... I just don't live in that world.
After pumping in the oh-so-glamorous "lactation lounge" (hear my sarcasm- the door didn't even stay closed!) with another bloggy friend, I walked around for a few minutes with a super-blogger friend. She knew everyone! And to her credit, she tried to introduce me but no one cared. I'm not even sure I did. She would say, "oh there is so-and-so, let's say hi... oh, you know such-and-such, right?" Um... not so much.
I left the conference around 3pm feeling a bit dazed with arms full of semi-cool swag. (I am making BlogHer sound sooo glamorous, huh?) It really was fun, mostly. A bit stressful, fairly tiring, and very thought-provoking. But an experience I am very glad to have had and wouldn't have wanted to miss. Even so, riding the train home all I wanted to do was see my babies. My heart was aching to see those little faces as if seeing them and hugging them would melt away all the insecurities that were flooding my head and heart. I was feeling a little bit like a second (or third or fourth)-tier mommy blogger (I am skipping all the cool parties after all- and that is why most people come to BlogHer) and needed to feel like a top tier mommy to affirm that I had chosen correctly in putting my family first.
Not even that worked out. I was home for almost 2hours before my kids came home from Grandma's. I was SO FRUSTRATED! And then to top it off, my little love, my Caden, very clearly wanted Grandma even after I was one of his options. Ouch. Not the way I had hoped to top off an already overwhelming day.

Tomorrow will be better. I will have day one under my belt and be more comfortable in the environment. Plus, I will have Caden with me so I have an instant conversation starter and distraction. And today wasn't as bad as I may be portraying. It was just intense and a lot to take in. Luckily, the day ended with nursing/rocking my sweet Caden to sleep and then sitting at the side of Lucas' bed, rubbing his legs as we both drifted off. I know my boys love me and I adore them. And even if my Google page rank is -57 (I'm just making that up- I have no idea even how to find out what your page rank is- that is how out of it I am), I am not upset about that. Maybe this is all just confirming that my priorities really do lie elsewhere. And rightly so.

I'll let you know how tomorrow goes. :)

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BlogHer...Lite!

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 02:52:00 +0000

I am going to BlogHer this week! Hooray! The biggest, baddest mommy-blogger conference around and it is in my backyard. :) How could I not attend?

Except that it is SO FAR outside my comfort zone that I am scared to tears. I don't know too many bloggers IRL (see how I dropped that blogging lingo on ya'.... I am trying to gear myself up!). I am very shy in environments like this when I am alone and feel like everyone else seems to know each other. I am an introvert that tries to be an extrovert because those people are "more cool and hip" but the whole time I will be wishing I was in my yoga pants on the couch or playing trains with my boys. But, I am always really glad I stepped outside my comfort zone after I actually do. I am usually pleasantly surprised with myself and how well I interact with others even though I feel like I want to crawl into a hole. I almost always have a great time even though I am nervous as heck at the beginning. And I have no reason to believe that this time will be any different.

I want to go and am excited to go! I am excited to meet some people that I have "known" for awhile and maybe meet some new people too. BlogHer is all about connecting and networking, right? I am excited to go to the break-out sessions and hopefully learn some things to grow my blog and my latest project. I am excited for the parties that I am attending and the potential free swag! :) But that doesn't take away the nervous butterflies.

Hubby and I sat down and planned out the next few days- who has which kids and where we will all be at different times and how we are all getting there. At this point in my life when I am taking a hard look at where I am putting my priorites, thinking about how much or how little I could do with BlogHer was not an easy decision. I easily got 6-7 invites to private parties during BlogHer. Parties sponsored by fancy companies where they will serve fancy drinks and appetizers to fancy bloggers and give out fancy free stuff. Sounds like a no-brainer. And there are plenty of bloggers who are going all out and attending as many parties as they can fit onto a spreadsheet (yes, really!).

But not me. Not this year.

So, yes, I am going to BlogHer this year. But I am really doing BlogHer Lite. I will attend most of the sessions and I will do the famous expo hall. I am attending a couple parties, most with Caden in tow. But, I will not be staying at the hotel or attending any parties on "the big night" or any after-parties. I will instead be coming home to sleep in my own bed with my baby beside me. I will eat dinner with my family while most conference attenders are sitting in swanky lounges sipping their cocktails. I am choosing it to be this way because I know it is what is best for my boys and thus best for me. I know they would be fine away from me. They would be fine with Grandma or Hubby or even a babysitter if it came to that. But I am not shooting for "fine."

It is all about the balance. I am "doing" BlogHer but also making my family a priority too. At least I am trying. I'll let you know how it really goes. And maybe I'll even have some swag to share so stay tuned!

Oh, and a special thanks to the people at Tyndale Kids... thanks for helping make it possible for me to step out of my comfort zone and practice keeping my priorities in line. Thanks for supporting my trip to BlogHer '09.

P.S~ If you are reading this and going to be at BlogHer, please let me know. I would love to have someone to hang out with. :)

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What if We...

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 06:07:00 +0000

As I Caden turns one and life moves into the next phase (aka- the I don't have a baby and should hopefully start to get more sleep phase), I've been thinking a lot lately about the shape of my life. What fills my days? What rules my thoughts and attitude? I am not always content with my answers to those questions. Am I the person/mother/wife/etc. that I want to be? Sometimes. Too often my lack of sleep or rushing to get somewhere or do something brings out this side of me that I am not proud of. I know I tend to let my priorities get out of whack. I put others' opinions of me WAY too high on my motivation list. I put the needs of my family on the backburner to things I think will bring me more approval or favor or... whatever else from other people. I know that I frequently go into self-protection mode, not having faith that anyone else will care about my needs.

This is not how I want my life to be.

In a meager first attempt to stop this cycle, to get on a better path, I have been asking myself what I am afraid of? What is driving me and my decisions? What things are really,truly important? What would happen if I took an emotional risk and....

What if I... took the time to listen to those I love? I mean really listen. What would I hear that I have so far been missing?
What if I... took more time to talk with Lucas and really listen to what he has to say? I do this a lot, I really do. But I talk at him a lot too. I raise my voice to get my point across or bring a swift end to whatever he's doing that I want him to stop. I squelch the back-talking and the "But Mommy!" But if I want him to grow up feeling heard and genuinely valued, I need to step back and close my mouth more.

What if I... stopped protecting my heart and started loving with abandon?
What if I... stopped worrying about making sure I was taken care of and recklessly threw myself into the care of the boys entrusted to me? I am often so afraid that my needs won't be met, that my opinions won't be heard, that my hurts won't be attended to. What if I just let it go?
What if I stopped depending on Hubby and others to make me feel wanted/needed? What if I stopped looking outward for my self-worth?
What if I... learned to find joy in the mundane?
What if I.. started accepting my Hubby and my sons for who/what they are and stopped try to make them something they are not?
What if I... did the same for myself?

What if I... could truly say that "God is enough?" How would that change how I live?

What if I... said yes more than I said no? Yes to my boys, I mean, not the million of things I say yes to that force me to say no to them and myself.

What if I...did nothing else for the rest of my life but pour myself into my family and friends? Would I feel successful? Would I feel important?
What if I...let go of this need to feel important and successful?

Life is a journey, a process. I just feel like mine may have gotten a little off path. But I am working on that. Or rather, I am asking God to do that and teach me how to be receptive to His answers to all my "What Ifs."

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Budding Friendship

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 05:57:00 +0000

While I am not super excited about my baby getting so big (ok- maybe I am a little excited about the perks of that), I am thrilled to see my boys starting to play so well together. We still have what we call "over zealous affection" from Lucas to his little brother, but I love seeing how they simply adore each other. The other day we broke out the baby pool and the two of them just played together. I mean, they entertained each other for a good 10-15min. while mommy sat in the grass near by and watching, my heart bursting with pride and love for my boys! It was precious to watch. That is until Lucas got a little over zealous and splashed Caden in the face, bringing tears of drama from the little brother. It is a start though, and makes me smile. Who doesn't smile when they see those cute faces?! :)

For more wordful wednesday, visit Angie at Seven Clown Circus.

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Train up Your Child- reprise

babyloveslings@gmail.com (Farrah) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 21:21:00 +0000

I am going to BlogHer!!! I am super excited for the mommy-blogger conference in Chicago next week! But, I must pause to say a thank you to Tyndale House Kids who has generously sponsored me and made it possible for me to attend. The Bibles and books they have sent us are some of the daily staples in our house. Here are a couple of our favs:

We are constantly on the look out for tools to help us parent Lucas. He is my highly-verbal, ultra-smart, very inquisitive boy who always has a million questions about everything. When he was just shy of two, we would be driving in the car and he would demand that I "talk about" whatever we saw... "mommy, talk about trees...talk about grass... talk about cranes... talk about gas stations." He just wanted to know the facts, the scientific truth about the things he was experiencing and learning about. While his desire to know everything has not changed, his questions have gotten much more complex. At nearly 3 years old, he now wants to know about how a space shuttle launches and how it gets to the moon. Tonight he asked me "How did God talk to Noah? Did Noah hear God with he ears?"
When I was offered the chance to get advanced copies of two new books for kids by Tyndale House Publishers, I was pumped. We always love new books, and anything that helps me teach my little sponge is gladly accepted. To say we love these new books is a huge understatement. We adore them... and I would love to share them with you.

When I heard the title of the first book, I was immediately sold! Questions from Little Hearts... sounds perfect for us. And it is. The book is divided into four sections: What is God Like? What is Prayer? What about Heaven? and Are Angels Real? I have written before about Lucas and I's conversations about Heaven. He knows there are people there that he loves- Micah, my grandmother - and he has very real questions about what it is like there. I love that this book poses the questions that a toddler would really ask and then gives the answers in a way that keeps their attention and satisfies their curiosity.

"Is heaven a place that is near or that's far? can I get to heaven by boat or by car?
How will I find it? Who'll show me the way? Does heaven have nighttime? And what about day? ...
Though heaven's a place that you can't see from here, It says in the Bible that heaven is near. You don't have to know how to fly or to swim. The way is with Jesus, believing in him."

At the end of each section, the author lists the scripture references for the answers they suggest. Lucas loves it. We read at least one section a day and he often asks for the one he wants. "Mommy, let's read about prayer today." And we always read the scriptures at the end and he has started asking me to show him where to find "those words" in the Bible. So we pull out the Bible and flip to a couple of the verses and read them there too. It is precious, teachable moments like these that make me feel like maybe I am capable of training my child the way God has called me to. I highly recommend this book for anyone whose little one has questions, lots of questions, like mine. It is easy to read and has sparked many really great conversations with me and my curious toddler.

When I was pregnant with Lucas, we received many Bibles geared toward babies and toddlers as gifts. We have one that we have read cover to cover many times (not in one sitting) that tells all the great stories and has been a good tool for introducing him to the Bible. But several months ago, Hubby commented that we needed to find a Bible for Lucas that was the "next step up." Still meant for kids, but one where the words read a little more like Scripture and a little less like a board book. Kenneth Taylor's Classic Bible Storybook is just that. This Bible has less pictures, more text. But my favorite thing about it is the 4-5 questions it lists at the end of each story. Tonight we read story 5 (we skip around)- "Noah is Safe in a Boat." The questions at the end of the story really help reinforce what we just read (How long did it rain? Why did God send the Flood?) and sparks even deeper questions (like how did Noah hear God talking to him?). I also love that because it is a little more like a regular Bible, it includes stories that most children's Bibles leave out. We are studying Elijah and Elisha in the Bible study we go to and I love that we can open "his Bible" and read about these prophets (stories 51-54) that he is learning about. It makes it seem more like we are reading the Bible, if that make sense. Lucas asks to bring "his Bible" to church and that warms my heart.

It is a daunting task, at least for me, to feel responsible for my child's spiritual up-bringing. I don't want to miss this stage of his life where he is soaking in his world and starting to form his world-view. I am trying to build things into our days that help me teach him about God and prayer and the Bible, etc... We are working on memory verses, talking about spiritual things, and reading books that help guide our conversations and our lives. And these two books have become a big part of that. I can't recommend either one enough. These are books we will read for many years and will hopefully become cherished parts of our boys' early spiritual development.

This post was originally published Feb 11, 2009.

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