It’s funny how people feel completely free to ask you such a personal question - especially the perfect strangers. Hello, my dear cashier lady, thanks for putting my groceries into the nice plastic bags, can you please tell me why you’re so interested in the number of children I will - or will not - have? I don’t even know your name and might never see you again. Actually, from now on, I will make sure I never see you again - and if I do, I will go to another register.

But it’s the question itself that is bothering me, not the people who ask it. I am pretty good at decision-making, yet this is a tough one, even for me. The outcome will affect my whole world - for better or for worse, and not only me but all the people I love will have to live with the consequences of this decision. Forever.

Why not to have?

1. The sacrifices.

For instance, Eric is 2 now. One more year and we can go travel together as a family, have fun, see new places, go skiing, hiking and camping. We’ve been waiting for this for 3 years already. The alternative? If I’m lucky, it will take me one more year to give birth to another baby and then another 2 until the baby’s old enough for us to get out of the house. By then Eric will begin school and we won’t be able to go anywhere except on school holidays. Bye-bye, our dream.

2. My time and love.

Another thing is my time - and my love. Well, love is funny - people say that you have enough love for whatever number of kids God gives you. Don’t know - that might be true. But one thing I definitely know - God won’t give me a 48 hourly day, just because I have 2 kids. Which means that every kid will only get one half of what they could’ve gotten. And my time with kids is the most important investment I will ever make into their upbringing. So basically instead of one great kid I might get two average ones. Hmmmm, I do not like the way this sounds.

3. The work.

Yet another thing is the amount of work. It is my suspicion that with the second child the amount of work doesn’t double - it triples. I have hard time as it is, juggling work, raising Eric to the best of my abilities and managing the household. Can I handle more work? Or will it be the straw that broke the camel’s back?

4. The money.

I am also thinking about the financial side of things. Raising another child will make things tougher - and the situation will only get worse. Statistically speaking, now at the age of 34 we are in the peak earning ability, which means that from now on things will only go downhill. The expenses, however, will only increase as the kids grow up, and something we could afford for one kid we might not be able to afford for two. So does it mean that one will have it and the other won’t? Or do we deprive both of them?

5. The partner.

Lastly, this is not just up to me - Rob is not thrilled with the idea of having more children. He feels that life is not exciting any more, that we’ve forgot how to have fun. There is always Eric’s routine we must follow or the alternative is to face the consequences, a cranky 2 year-old, who hadn’t slept enough or was overstimulated and is NOT pleasant to be around.

But hey - don’t go away thinking I have made up my mind. I will dive into the reasons to say “Yes” to another baby in my next post, stay tuned.

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And when I say “we made it”, I mean that one month after an intensive potty-training week Eric is 98% dry through the day, wearing diapers only for sleep time. We still get an odd accident here and there, if I don’t remind him for too long that he needs to use the potty. But overall, he knows how to use the potty, can pull his pants down, sit on the potty, do his thing, get up and pull his pants back up, empty the potty into the toilet, wash it in a sink, put it back and even wipe it with toilet paper :) - all that without any help from me.

Even the child care center is not an obstacle any more. Once I figured what the problem was, it was pretty easy to solve. Apparently Eric didn’t like the potty they were using there, because it was neither stable nor comfy, and just didn’t feel right.

I spoke to the center director and asked her, how about I donate a potty of my choice and they use it with Eric, and she agreed. I got them the same potty we use at home (this awesome Baby-Bjorn), and that helped Eric to stop the accidents. His self-esteem improved too, because he wasn’t having the awkward situations when he needs a grown-up to help him change the wet clothes, and because he could manage to go to the toilet on his own.

Eric has no problems now using toilets in the shopping centers / restaurants, or using other kid’s potties (at his friends). He doesn’t miss diapers - and neither do I.

My toilet-training series ends here, and the next post will be on a completely different topic - I know you can’t wait :)

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Here’s what she asks:

How do you think your children have experienced you as a parent in 2009 and how do you want them to experience you in 2010?

Well, compared to 2008 I was a much calmer, patient and fun-to-be-with mom. I put my kid first, before my work and other things, no matter how hard it was. I still think that I could have done better on the patience font, I recon my kids deserves better. He really tries to be a good boy and I need to try harder to be a better mom.

What aspects of parenting brought you the most joy in 2009 and what are you looking forward to in 2010?

I enjoyed helping my son to start talking. I enjoyed explaining things to him, teaching him about the world. I enjoyed the feeling of being friends with him and having fun as if I was 2 years old, too. I enjoyed dancing with him in the kitchen and singing “Twinkle, twinkle, little star”, his favourite song. I am looking forward to our camping trips and taking him to ski next year.

What will you concentrate on in 2010?

I will devote more time to his development and will make a proper plan for it. I will help him to learn as many things as he can while still having fun.

Dear moms and dads, I wish you good health, much strength, even more patience and to enjoy your kids in 2010.

Happy New Year!!!

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I wish you all a very Merry Christmas. May all of you spend it the way you like it - with tons of guests and visitors, or just the closest family, the important thing is that you make it special.

Enjoy your kids, the holidays, some fun days and come back, I will be waiting here for you!

Happy Holidays!

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When I discussed potty training with the staff at the day care center, they assured me that there is a special procedure they follow for all the kids in potty training. They are taken to the potty every 30 minutes and that leaves little room for accidents. Sounds logical, doesn’t it? Well…

The number 1 mistake they made was to sit Eric on a toilet, not a potty. He must have felt uncomfortable or not safe or just wasn’t used to it and refused to pee. They thought he didn’t need to go, and 5 min later he peed his pants.

And then it repeated about 7 times (judging by the number of wet pants I got back).

A good thing was that the center director suggested I pack about 6 - 8 pairs of pants in his bag. A not-so-good thing was that I got back a very confused little boy and a huge bag of laundry, twice the size of the boy.

What makes me angry is that I specifically told them he was potty-trained, with emphasis on the “potty”, and asked them to use it. But all the other kids were using the toilet and my guess is that the staff was trying to save the extra work of washing and drying the potty every time. Looking at how they do it, it was quite a bit of extra work - every time after he uses it, they put silicon gloves on, empty the potty, wash it, dry it, then spray it with disinfectant.

Well, I have only myself to kick for this - mess-ups are to be expected when you leave strangers in charge of your child. I just hope they didn’t ruin the progress he’s made so far.

I am SO going to make them use the potty next time!

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It’s like he doesn’t feel when he needs to poop. He’ll come to me right after such accident and will tell me that he did it, but never before. So now I find it more difficult to train him to poop in the potty than to wee in the potty, because I only get one attempt a day and it’s hard to predict when, his bowel motions are not regular. When I see him going quiet and red, it’s too late already, and if I try to anticipate it and sit him on the potty after meals, he’s getting sick of sitting after 10 minutes and wants to run away.

For example, today we didn’t have a single wet accident the whole day, when we were outside - he peed in the bushes and at home he peed on a potty. Then in the evening after I fed him a substantial meal, my plan was to wait for half an hour, then sit him on a potty and wait for a poo, 10 minutes after the meal was over we had a big oops which I didn’t see coming - even though I was really watching.

The only thing left for me to try was to empty his “achievement” into the potty and explain to him that he’s not supposed to do it in the underpants, the potty is the right place, and as a prize for every time he does it right he gets to flush the toilet and, of course, a star. He understood everything and every word, yet I am not convinced we will have a better progress tomorrow.

(Sigh)… I am missing diapers again….

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It all began as an ordinary potty training nightmare day - Eric woke up, we tried the potty, no luck, half an hour later we got ourselves another accident - well, what else is new.

But then I got sick of feeling like such a miserable failure and decided that we go to the beach. There are times in a mom’s life when she needs some distraction, and it was one of those times. So I packed a plenty of pants and underwear for Eric, because accidents were only a matter of time (or at least I thought so) and we drove to the beach.

It felt so much better to be outside, the sandy beach, the light breeze, that I instantly felt calmer. Eric was happily playing with the sand, digging tunnels and making cookies. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and even agreed to go pee on the sand.

Next we decided to go eat some sushi, his all times favorite, in a shopping center nearby. And then it occurred to me, oh my, what have I done?! What if we’re in the shopping center and he has an accident, with everybody watching?! But once the word “Sushi” was said, there was no taking it back and we simply had to go.

And then, it was one surprise after another. Eric agreed to go to the toilet in the shopping center. They have a small toilet bowl for kids there and it looks so cute. He climbed on the toilet seat as if he was doing it all day every day and peed. Woo-hoo!

From that moment on, we didn’t have a single accident. Eric still needed to be reminded to go and sit on a potty every half an hour, but every time he went, we had one more accomplishment. And his training chart was filling up with golden stars.

I am so proud of my little boy!

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A couple of times I tried to sit Eric on the potty - he did nothing. But then it was time to go outside for a walk and a play in the park, and as much as I didn’t like the idea of Eric peeing in the bushes again - well, we didn’t have any choice, now did we? :)

So on the bright side, he didn’t wet his pants even once the whole morning, but on the downside, he didn’t wet the potty either.

He had an afternoon sleep and when he woke up, as my book suggested, I sit him on the potty - and yet again we get nothing. Exactly 30 minutes after we get an accident again.

Then in the next hour I sit him on the potty twice - again nothing, and I am beginning to feel like an idiot, I mean how can I win here? He drinks plenty, I know that he needs to use the toilet every 20-30 minutes, and now this whole thing changes all of a sudden? How am I supposed to guess when he needs to pee if it’s irregular?

To add to my confusion, the next attempt was a big success, we managed to do a wee and a poo. And right after that, another chain of accidents. No matter how big of a celebration I made of his achievement, one thing doesn’t change - he won’t tell me when he needs to go.

I didn’t expect potty training to be fun, but here’s a confession - now I really miss the diapers :)

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I was also not setting my hopes high to avoid unnecessary disappointments. If I get to clean mess the whole day, who cares, as long as we have just a little bit of progress. But it turned out to be a pretty good day!

The whole morning every time I escorted him to the potty, he peed. Woo-hoo! It was an ongoing celebration. Eric was getting one star after another on his potty-training chart, we were jumping up and down and doing our happy dance. He was very excited about carrying his potty to the toilet, emptying and flushing, didn’t want to skip a single thing.

But then it was time to go outside, and I was facing the same dilemma again. How do we solve the toilet problem in the park? There are no public toilets there. I didn’t want to go back to diapers, or even pull-ups. Finally we were getting some progress and I didn’t want to mess it up.

The best idea I could come up with was “The hell with what neighbors think!” and let him pee in the bushes. Then it was time for some marketing. I (excitedly) told Eric that we’re going to the park and when it’s time for him to pee, he can do it the same way our dog does - in the bushes and under the trees.

He looked surprised, but took it rather well. Off we went and in the park, when it was time to ask, I said - let’s go pee in the bushes, and he agreed. Now I am going to get into some kind of embarrassing details, so if you’re unconformable with details of how boys pee, feel free to skip the next paragraph.

I have never seen a man pee (only in the movies and only from the back), so I was unsure how to help Eric not pee on his pants. I imagined I’d need to hold his penis for him, since he can’t do it himself yet, but then he might not want me to touch him. That was right, the minute I touched him he refused to pee and wanted to pull his pants back on. I tried to hold him in the air in a position as if he was sitting on a toilet - no luck, he didn’t feel comfortable and didn’t want to pee. Then finally I had to take his pants off completely and finally, when he was standing on his own, he did it. Lesson learnt - he needs to feel in complete control, otherwise he’s getting uncomfortable.

Having mastered outside toileting Eric felt very proud of himself. Later on we went to another bush and repeated the earlier success. I was feeling so relieved, because I could see that my boy likes being dry and understands that he shouldn’t wet his pants - yesterday this wasn’t clear to me at all.

This was a good day. Eric only had a couple of accidents towards the evening, when we both were too tired :). I recon we’re one step closer to dryness now!

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No miracles happened.

Since the first day I kept a log of all the accidents, to track signs of progress - I was writing down the times of accidents (well, I was hoping to log in some wins as well). I will still keep on logging things, because otherwise it’s really hard to judge the situation objectively .

In the morning, I took his diaper off, sit him on the potty, he didn’t do anything. 15 minutes later he had an accident and I had another pair of pants to wash. The same scenario happened for a couple of times, raising the levels of frustration for me.

To break away and get a distraction from our “obsession” with the potty (I was afraid that Eric will get sick of it) we went for a walk. We only went across the road to a park, but I packed 2 pairs of trousers and training pants, just in case.

I didn’t have any plan for toileting outside. What do I do, bring the potty in a stroller? That sounded ridiculous to me and I just left it to chance :) As soon as we used all the dry clothes we had, I knew we had about 20 minutes to get home.

And then it happened. I don’t know what helped, but as soon as we came back home Eric agreed to sit on the potty, and - yippee, he did a wee. We celebrated this historical event by emptying the potty into the toilet bowl, flushing (Eric), jumping up and down and expressing our joy (his proud mom) and sticking a star on the chart.

Turns out that was the highest point of the day, because the rest were all accidents. I was beginning to think that wetting his pants was normal and that wee he did on the potty was the accident. Just kidding, this is frustration talking, not me.

Speaking of frustration, this is something for all the new moms to be aware of. I caught myself several times wanting to yell at Eric for not telling me he needs to go to the toilet. I was getting anxious and losing my patience, and that’s NOT the way to go. There were a couple of times I had to give MYSELF a “time-out” to get my emotions under control.

To stop this negativity I had to remind myself that Eric is mastering a new skill and that he is a smart kid, he will get it eventually. He is like me - it takes him time to get used to new things. And we did have a progress since yesterday - one wee on a potty is better than none!

Let’s hope for a better tomorrow.

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