Babeled - six guys who have never been in your kitchen

Ideas That Are Better Than Alanis Morissette Singing The National Anthem

Jack Gamble - Man Overboard — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 02:44:54 +0000

So you think it’s a good idea to have a Canadian with a lousy voice sing The Star Spangled Banner for the World Series? Well, then try this jagged little list of bad ideas.

1. Steven Segal is Hamlet

2. New Coke

3. Greedo Shoots First

4. Steven Hawking on Dancing With The Stars

5. A game show for kids, Gary Coleman could host

6. Story Book Time, with Denis Rodman

7. Hideki Irabu

8. The new Star Trek movie

9. Picket’s Charge

10. Cash for Clunkers

11. Big Mama’s House 3

12. The Sai Phi Channel

13. The WNBA

14. The XFL

15. Chris Weber’s 4th timeout

16. Turbo Graphix 16

17. Eddie Murphy’s singing career

18. Hall and No Oats, A Hall-less Oats

19. From Justin to Kelly

20. Sarah Palin’s interview with anyone

21. Dukakis and the tank

22. Obama bowling

23. Gore Dancing

24. Ethanol subsidies

25. The Hukabee Show

26. Olivia on the Cosby Show

27. Seven on Married With Children

28. Phys Ed majors

29. Jet Li turning down The Matrix and then signing on for The One

30. Transporter 2 and 3

31. Alan Houston’s contract

32. Letting Reggie White go

33. An entire team for Herschel Walker

34. Drafting Ricky Williams

35. Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan

36. Christian Laettner over Shaq for the Dream Team

37. Repetitive cloning of Baldwin DNA

38. Original Baldwin DNA

39. Round trip tickets for the Titanic

40. Canceling The State

41. Vin Deisel doing Fast and the Furious and every Vin Deisel movie since

42. Bloodsport, The Musical (I fight to surviiiiiiiiiiive!)

43. Major League 3, starring Scott Bacula

44. Sinbad…seriously

45. Hosting Family Fued…anyone

46. Trading The Babe

47. Not letting the goat in

48. The Opti-Grab

49. Jefferson Starship

50. Jar Jar

~Man Overboard

Image used in this Post

Alanis Morissette photo courtesy of Flickr user Marcia Salviato published under the CC license.Similar Posts:

The Quotable Ronald Reagan

Jack Gamble - Man Overboard — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 01:12:16 +0000

A coworker sent these to me today among the myriad of political forwards that circulate within my consortium of conservative colleagues. Many say that another Jimmy Carter can only lead to another Ronald Reagan. This saying is really just a desperate attempt to cope with the fact that we have three and a half more years of “change” to live through.

In the meantime, fellow conservatives. enjoy this compilation of The Ronald’s best word-smithing:

“Here’s my strategy on the Cold War:
We win, they lose.”

“The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”

“The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they’re ignorant; it’s just that they know so much that isn’t so.”

“Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong.”

“I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.”

“The taxpayer: That’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.”

“Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.”

“The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program.”

“It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.”

“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”

“Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.”

“No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.”

“If we ever forget that we’re one nation under GOD, then we will be a nation gone under.”

~Man Overboard, humbly filling in for Ronald Reagan

Image used in this Post

Ronald Reagan image courtesy of flickr Spacedustdesign user published under the CC license.Similar Posts:

World Series Time: I’m in a New York State of Mind

Greg Molyneux — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:55:07 +0000

I live in New Jersey, the perpetual battleground for sporting allegiances – and noise pollution. War is waging right now.

With the Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Yankees set to do battle tonight, much of Northeast is buzzing with anticipation and indignation.

Friends hating friends, coworkers talking smack at every turn and families drawing enemy lines.

For me the smack talking is a nuisance; a trivial task between ill-informed individuals that have no bearing on the outcome of the real contest. What’s worse, most of the rancor comes from bandwagon fans (at best) who just purchased their (insert successful team) hat last week.

This pisses me off.

As a lifelong Yankee fan I illicit much hate from others and little sympathy from everyone else. My team wins. A lot. But I never take that for granted. I live and die with every pitch and I always respect my opponent – yes, even the Red Sox.

This is why my stomach is in knots right now (roughly six hours before first pitch). I will be an absolute mess until this series is over. The ups and downs will take me on an emotional roller coaster that often times make me act a fool. I cannot help it. I am wired that way.

I will do my best to enjoy the World Series, and I hope you will too. This is a great match-up between to very similar teams. Let’s hope for an epic contest that teeters on driving me over the edge.

Image Used in this Post

Times Square, NYC courtesy of Flickr user FranciscoDiez published under the CC license.Similar Posts:

Lower Health Care Costs and Taxes with Health Savings Accounts

Jack Gamble - Man Overboard — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:07:40 +0000

Want to get the government to pick up part of the tab for your health care AND lower your taxes while at the same time maintaining control of your own health care AND taking personal responsibility for yourself and your family?

Then a Health Savings Account (HSA) is exactly what you need.

An HSA works exactly like a 401K plan. Money that you earn is deposited into an account that is invested into various mutual funds where it will make gains or losses depending on the market. Provided you withdraw the money for an approved health expense, there are no penalties for withdrawal.

The real bonus to an HSA however, is that money is TAX FREE! Consider that for every dollar you have in your pocket right now, you have had to earn about $1.30 when factoring in state and federal taxes. This number will vary depending on your income, but for now we will assume a 30% tax burden. So if you spend $50.00 on a deductible for a doctor visit, you will have actually spent $65.00 because of the taxes you have paid on that 50. The beautiful thing about an HSA is that you avoid paying the initial $15.00 in taxes.

An HSA is NOT an insurance plan. Chances are that if you’re reading this then you already have health insurance. Depending on the type of health insurance you have, you pay a deductible for health services and also have co-pay for prescriptions. Your HSA can be used to supplement your existing coverage for those expenses that are not covered by your insurance. This is a nice way to supplement your insurance plan AND get Uncle Sam to help you out. Most HSA’s will also cover over the counter expenses. Things like aspirin, band aids, ointments, contact lenses, saline solution, birth control, asthma treatments, dentist visits, doctor visits, OBGYN, specialists, and eye doctors are covered under an HSA. Some accounts even cover things like acupuncture therapy and reconstructive surgery.

I am lucky enough to have a comprehensive benefits package at my job, and my employer offers an optional HSA plan. More and more employers are offering these plans due to the rising cost of health care as an alternative to expanding coverage under a traditional insurance plan. Even if your employer does not offer an HSA plan, you can get a private plan for yourself and pay just a small monthly premium ($5 to $20 monthly). You will still be saving money because that monthly fee is most likely less than you pay in taxes when you buy eyeglasses, contact, or doctor visits for your kids out of pocket.

When you sign up for an HSA, you are given a debit card for the account. Provided you spend the money on one of the many approved accounts, the money is taken out of you HSA without penalty and, more importantly, WITHOUT TAXES! This is an immediate 30% savings on your health care costs and neither your premiums or your taxes have gone up one cent! Even if you’re like me, a stubborn jerk who refuses to go to the doctor , you still pay close to $1,000 per year for health care and don’t even realize it. Combine that with taxes and you’re spending $1,300 on health care. So why not take advantage of Uncle Sam’s generosity and put that $300 in your pocket?

Another argument in favor of HSA’s is the investment aspect. Now granted, it is not exactly a great time to own stocks or funds, but if you look at March through October of 2009, there have been significant gains in the mutual fund market. So while your tax-free money is sitting in your HSA, it’s hard at work for you making gains on average of 10% per year. Even if you factor in the Great Depression and the Mortgage Collapse of 2008, the stock market has gained money on average since it was first created. Those gains by the way, are also tax-free provided they are spent on approved expenses.

There is a good deal of finger pointing and protest going on these days about who should pay for heath care. The policy debate could go either way, but in the mean time, why not stop giving money to the government and start saving 30% on your out of pocket health care expenses. It’s certainly a more tangible savings than anything a politician on either side might promise you.

~Man Overboard

Image Used in this Post

Prescription Drugs courtesy of Flickr user Nirbhao published under the CC license.Similar Posts:

Phish: Keep touring, Stop making albums!

Andrew Blanco — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:06:06 +0000

For the last two decades, Phish has succeeded in building a reputation as one of the best live bands in music history. Unfortunately, they have rarely been able to translate their live awesomeness into a solid studio album. Their new album Joy is no exception to the rule. In fact it takes the rule and dips it in cement, making the listener all the more convinced that Phish should give up on trying to make an album that genuinely reflects their unique sound.

The real problem with Joy is that it is equally as lackluster as their last studio album Undermind, and for all the same reasons: both albums show the the band shifting their sound away from experimental music and gravitating more and more towards pop songwriting. With the exception of the 13 minute “Time Turns Elastic”, all the other songs on Joy are simple melodic songs about 5 minutes long or under. While simple short songs might make this an easier album for the general public to digest, I – as a Phish fan – am left wondering whether my favorite band has sold out their sound.

But see, the problem is not just their sound, it’s also their lyrics. For your consideration, I present some lyrics from the first track of the new album.

Happy happy oh my friend, blow out candles once again. Leave the presents all inside, take my hand and lets take a ride backwards down the number line. (”Backwards Down the Number Line”, Joy)

To the undiscerning ear there probably doesn’t seem to be anything strange about these lyrics: they are accessible, digestible, simple, and straight to the point. But to any long-time Phish fan these lyrics should be a wake up call: Something has gone horribly wrong!…Since when did Phish become so literal! Is this really the same band that not so long ago was singing nonsensical lyrics like:

Time for the meatstick, bury the meatstick, take out the meatstick time. Woah, shocks my brain. (”Meatstick”, No Album)

Or…

Floyd is dead, he’s nothing but ripple, ’cause Milly took that paper and sliced him on the nipple. (”Fee”, Junta)

Or…

I’d like to cut your head off so I can weigh it, what do you say? Five pounds? Six pounds? Seven pounds? (”Weigh”, Rift)

Clearly something has changed. It’s almost as if Phish came back from their break-up and reformed into two completely different bands: the cheesy Phish on your iPod, and the avant garde Phish at the concert.

Which path will Phish continue on over the next few years? Only time will tell. But for now, take a long time Phish fans advice: Go see a live show, and avoid listening to the new album Joy.

Album Rating: C+

Images Used in this Post

IMG_0853 courtesy of Flickr user irisgoldstein published under the CC license.

Phish courtesy of Flickr user david drexler published under the CC license.Similar Posts:

Nuclear Fission for Dummies: Moderation

Jack Gamble - Man Overboard — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:57:13 +0000

Everything in moderation. It would seem the universal slogan for healthy living applies to subatomic particles as well. Moderation is the term used in nuclear science for the slowing of neutrons to a speed conducive to nuclear fission.

When an atom sheds a neutron, either by fission or radioactive decay, it is considered a fast neutron. A fast neutron has a kinetic energy of about 1 MeV (Million Electron Volts). To put that in perspective, a single molecule of air at room temperature has about 0.0000000125 MeV of kinetic energy. A kinetic energy of 1 MeV is about the same as a neutron moving at 14,000 km/s or 31.3 million miles per hour.

At this speed, it is very unlikely that a Uranium 235 atom can ‘grab’ it to produce fission. Therefore it is necessary to moderate (slow down) the neutron. The only way to slow down a neutron is to rob it of kinetic energy. The best way to do that is to have it bump into something. This is where moderator comes into play. In order to achieve fission consistently, neutrons need to slow down to an energy of about .000000025 MeV. At this point, the neutron is considered a thermal neutron and is ready for fission. To get to this energy, a neutron will have had multiple collisions with a moderator.

American commercial nuclear power plants (Boiling Water Reactors and Pressurized Water Reactors) use water as both a moderator and a coolant. The coolant function removes the heat energy from the fuel and transfers it to either the turbine for a BWR or the Steam Generator in a PWR. The moderator function causes the neutrons to collide with water molecules, slowing down the neutrons so that fission can take place. The image above shows the neutrons (red) at high speed colliding with water molecules (blue) and slowing down. It’s not a perfect metaphor, but you get the idea.

So for a Boiling Water reactor, pressure becomes key to the rate at which fission occurs. As water boils, steam bubbles develop. Steam bubbles result in a decrease in moderator density, meaning fewer neutron-water collisions occur in the reactor, causing power to decrease. This is the inherent safety feature designed into a BWR. The hotter the reactor gets, the fewer fissions occur, the more power goes down. In this manner, an American reactor tends to regulate power by itself. If the reactor were to overheat, the fission reaction would slow, bringing the temperature back down. This is why American Reactors are referred to as Under Moderated.

This was the big difference in design that prevented the Three Mile Island Event from being catastrophic like the Chernobyl Disaster. At Three Mile Island, the water level in the reactor dropped so low that the coolant function was lost and the fuel melted due to decay heat, destroying the reactor core. However, with the water level down, the moderator function was lost causing the reaction to cease preventing a catastrophe.

Chernobyl, a Russian RBMK reactor, was a graphite-moderated plant. Water acts as a coolant in the RBMK but the graphite acts as the moderator. However, as voids form in an RBMK, power increases because the graphite still moderates the neutrons and more neutrons now reach the moderator because there is no water to absorb them. Thus as the temperature rises in an RBMK, power rises, causing temperature to rise further and so on. It is because of this that the RBMK reactor is considered Over Moderated. During the Chernobyl disaster, the operators intended to shut down the reactor when the temperature began to rise too rapidly. But the control rods had Graphite in the tip, as they were inserted to shut down the reactor they displaced water, adding moderation to the neutrons. This caused power to rise. In an instant, temperature rose, increasing power in a feedback loop that caused a steam bubble to flash at the bottom of the reactor. When that happened, power instantly spiked to 1,000% causing a steam explosion that hurled the 2,000 ton reactor head through the roof of the plant and expelled the entire core into the atmosphere. If Chernobyl had been an American Reactor, this would have been impossible. There was much more happening at Chernobyl than described above. That will be laid out in more detail in a future article. For now, understand how moderation was the difference between the TMI Event and the Chernobyl disaster.

~Man Overboard

Image used in this Post

Neutron Moderator image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons published under the CC license.

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Google Wave: Search and Create Public Waves

Greg Molyneux — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:19:30 +0000

Still looking for something to actually do with Google Wave?

All you need is a little with:public and a public@a.gwave.com contact.

Let me explain…

Apply the with:public Filter

From the search filter in the Wave client (located to the right of the New Wave button) replace the default in:inbox with the with:public filter. Immediately, your Wave box will be flooded with streaming waves that have been opened up to the entire Google Wave population.

You’ll quickly notice that the waves roll through at a brisk pace and are not much use beyond the initial excitement of actually seeing activity in your Wave client. Rest easy as you can filter your search interests to be more specific. Simply add your search term to the right of the with:public filter. Interested in what Wavers are saying about WordPress? Simply type with:public WordPress.

At this point the public waves become both focused and manageable. Now you can cycle through and find a wave you’re interested in and you’re free to drop right into the conversation. Use the playback feature to be brought quickly and efficiently up to speed on the conversation.

This is a great way to expand your social network, learn new things and grow more comfortable with Google Wave.

Use public@a.gwave.com to Create Public Waves

Should you be feeling particularly saucy, you too have the power to create your own public wave. At the bottom left of your wave client, in the contacts panel, select the plus sign to add new contacts. Type in public@a.gwave.com and press enter. Your new public contact should be added.

Now you are free to add a new wave, your own wave, and add the global wave population to that wave. It will then appear in the with:public filter cycle that was outlined above. Depending on your topic it may appear in a more custom search that is exactly what another once lonely Waver is looking for.

My only gripe is that Google could have made this feature a bit more manageable by having an add public button available whenever you create a new wave. But oh well, we will live with this technique for now.

If anyone wants to invite me to a wave I can be found at: greg.molyneux@googlewave.com.Similar Posts:

Corporate Euphemisms That Piss Me Off

Jack Gamble - Man Overboard — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:01:06 +0000

Two years ago today, I made the career change from Commercial Fisherman to Nuclear Engineer. As you might imagine, a paradigm shift in workplace vernacular was in order.

What a shock I was in for when I hung up the slickers and put on the khakis. So, for those of you preparing to make the transition from job site to office, here is a short list of what you might hear in the office and what it really means:

1. Moving Forward

This term is generally used by high level managers to describe the end of a debate and all the new work you have to do. A more direct approach would be to say “End of conversation, from now on you just have to do more.”

2. Outside of Our Scope

It’s not in my job description or the lettering on my office window so I’m not doing it.

3. Improvement Opportunity

You suck.

4. Think Outside the Box

This is the alpha and the omega of things that piss me off. So let me get this straight, in order to make a request for originality, you are going to dust off the most unoriginal slogan that you heard for the first time ten years ago in an Infinity car commercial with some British guy whom you think must be smart because he speaks with a foreign accent? I have an idea, why don’t we reword the phrase and say “ponder while not within the confines of the metaphorical cube that has manifested itself in the form of a preconceived notion of outcome.”

5. New Expectations

You have to do more and get paid the same. Congratulations, your life just got that much more miserable.

6. Shoot From the Hip

Once an admirable quality in a worker, this derogatory, yet cowboy statement is meant to imply that your actions are rushed and not properly thought out. You know, like your supervisors vocabulary.

7. Push Back

Waa

8. Low Hanging Fruit

All that other stuff is too hard, so we’re only going to do the easy stuff and then pat ourselves on the back.

9. Bottom Line

It’s tired and been done before, but just in case you are wondering, this term is used to describe the last figure in an account spreadsheet. The bottom line is your net gain or loss. In literal terms this is used (ad nauseum) to deflate any point you might be making and imply a sense of ‘that’s not important right now.’

I know I’m not alone in this. Let’s hear it folks. What are your favorite annoying repetitive slogans that are uttered across the conference table in a virtual game of workplace lingo pong?

P.S. If one of my many bosses is reading this, I love my job and look forward to new challenges everyday. Please don’t fire me.

~Man Overboard

Image used in this Post

Mountain of Paperwork image courtesy of Picasa user Mark published under the CC license.

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Follow Us on Twitter @Babeled

Greg Molyneux — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:44:54 +0000

In an effort to be late to every party, the Babelers figured it fashionable to finally arrive on Twitter (and we’ve got the slick custom background to prove it).

Now this of course comes with all the usual pomp and circumstance that you might expect of an 80 year-old dining along. Nevertheless I thought it proper to let our readers know about our status (with or without dentures).

So if you are daring, please give us a follow @Babeled. All the Babelers have keys to the account so tweets are likely to come from any of the six of us. Who knows what exactly the context of the updates will be, but I can promise it will be more than the usual drudgery of Latest Blog Post: Blah, blah blah – link.

In case you were wondering

You can find many of us singularly on various other social media platforms and here’s a quick run-down of where:

Jack Gamble – Man Overboard – Social Media Maven – Blogger that you Actually Read

Google Reader
FriendFeed
StumbleUpon (affectionately referred to as GambleUpon)
Twitter

Greg Molyneux

Jeff Ruemeli

Twitter

The others it seems refuse to get sucked in to the social media time warp – for now.

Hey look, @GregMolyneux just wrote another bad post.Similar Posts:

The High Priestess : Tarot

Andrew Blanco — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:19:43 +0000

What It Means

The High Priestess represents all that is secret, occult, hidden, and not yet revealed in the world. The abundant symbolism in this card is used to suggest that there is more to life than meets the eye.

The High Priestess sits in front of a floral tapestry that hides a wide vista of open water. She holds a half-concealed scroll under her flowing robe; this scroll is the Torah and it represents knowledge via revelation. A crescent moon lies at her feet, representing waxing knowledge. Next to the High Priestess are two pillars of opposite color: a black pillar with the letter B, and a white pillar with the letter J. This refers to the pillars Boaz and Jachin that framed the original Temple of Solomon, considered to be the holiest of holy places in ancient Jerusalem. All of this symbolism works together to express the idea that the highest and holiest knowledge is hidden from plain sight and that all knowledge is gained through a progressive revelation.

In a tarot spread the High Priestess represents experiences in your life that make you feel like you are learning or gaining knowledge. However, the High Priestess can also represent a period of time where one feels confused and has fantasies of being knowledgable about a given subject or person.Similar Posts: