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How do I handle the salary question when you're on the other side of the table?

LongDrive — Thu, 24 May 2012 06:05:09 GMT

There's been a lot of talk on the green about handling the salary question when you are the interviewee/candidate, which I have personally found helpful on many occasions, but now I'm on the other side of the equation, and would love to hear best practices on how to handle the situation and try to gauge a potential employee's salary expectations.

My business is in a very niche industry which makes it very difficult to gauge what industry standard is. We only employ around 4-5 people, all who started out very junior and have moved up salary-wise in a very organic fashion. I'm now in the position where I have to hire someone who is a bit further along in their career to fill a vacancy left by one of those now mid-weight employees.

Furthermore, this is only the second time we are actively hiring someone, as previously it was a very casual process where people just sort of found us at the right time, they stated their salary expectation, and we found the money to make it work.

With this new appointment, I am fielding candidates from very diverse backgrounds. With some, by the nature of their CV and/or specific past employers, I can gauge where they would fall. Currently with our budget, I could only really afford what we paid the person who recently left, which was a figure that only came after two raises in the course of a year. Ideally I would want to start them on the same salary as the last employee and eventually raise them to the same level and beyond.

(tl;dr)Putting aside things like benefits, both hard and soft, are there any tactics that you have personally used as a recruiter or employer to gauge a potential employee's salary expectations before numbers are discussed in detail?

On the flip side, are there any situations where you as an interviewee/job candidate felt comfortable disclosing this figure?(tl;dr)

There are millions of scripts and methods for being on the other side of that conversation and how to deflect those questions, but are there any strategies that can be used to get this information in a way that is respectful to all parties involved?

My gut tells me simply to state simply what I said above, in terms of like, "This is what we paid the last person after a year and I would be looking at a similar figure once you are fully trained", however I am nervous that the figure might be too low for some good candidates, hence wasting everyone's time, and on the flip side, I don't want someone to accept a figure that they aren't truly happy with for the sake of getting the job, and therefore having to manage the resulting feelings/performance issues that usually crop up with that. (Also, I should add that many candidates are coming to us via word of mouth, and not through a formal advertisement, so there isn't the opportunity as such to state what the salary range is)

I'm fully aware this is going to be a slightly contentions question, but I like to think that my heart is in the right place. If I found out the range of one of my preferred candidates was lower than what I paid the last person, I would still offer them the higher amount.

Anyway, thanks MeFi! Look forward to your feedback :)

Confused about concepts in new design terminology

infini — Thu, 24 May 2012 05:57:08 GMT

Help me make sense of the conflicting or incomplete information on the web regarding User Experience, UX, User Experience Design and its relationship to physical products not connected to the internet or having electronic parts.

A client has sent me a document (TOR) that outlines my tasks for an upcoming engagement and has used this terminology (UX). My roots are in hard core product design, industrial design and engineering and I have personally never used these terms in the context of my work. As I dig up stuff online and read it, I can see how and where these labels might make sense for what I'm going to be facilitating but my client has no software, UI or electronic component to their product nor is there any connection to the internet. Thus my confusion in my attempts to make sense of this accurately (for developing my plan of action etc).

These are two wikipedia links that I've found - User Experience and User experience design. You'll note in the second one, the design section only talks about outputs that are more relevant to virtual products rather than physical ones, yet the definition says:

User Experience Design (UXD or UED) is a broad term used to explain all aspects of a person's experience with the system including the interface, graphics, industrial design, physical interaction, and the manual. [1] It is also referring to the application of user-centered design practices to generate cohesive, predictive and desirable designs based on holistic consideration of users' experience.

So, am I misunderstanding this? Is it that its only applicable to modern products which have a physical component and a virtual one like user interfaces or screens or some such? Or is that the UX concept can also be holistically applied for regular old product design and services only existing in brick and mortar? And if so, how and where can I find some definitive explanations in order to understand these concepts so that I can use the words with some confidence?

I can't walk straight or hear over the ringing.

cp311 — Thu, 24 May 2012 05:35:23 GMT

I've been experiencing some troubling symptoms with increasing frequency and severity, namely vertigo and tinnitus. They're affecting daily life to such an extent that I know something needs to be done. What kind of doctor should I visit, and can these symptoms be alleviated in the meantime?

Occasionally, I'll be reading or otherwise going about my daily life only to be struck with sudden vertigo. Everything is spinning and I can't walk in a straight line when this happens. It's exacerbated by tilting my head. It's happened while I was driving once, but subsided just before I was about to pull over.

The vertigo always coincides with the times when my left ear is ringing (always the left ear) and has been for a few days. The sound is deafening, remains at one frequency, and is constant for days on end. This happens a couple of times a month, but used to be more rare. I can't hear well with the left ear when this happens, and what I do hear is kind of muffled or garbled. Music sounds off-key.

Basic health stuff: blood pressure, weight, etc are fine. I get plenty of water and sleep. I'm 20 and female. I wear a mouth guard at night for TMJ problems, but haven't had any troubles with that lately. I take Aleve for a few days (2 pills a day) each month for menstrual cramps, but don't take anything else on a regular basis.

The constant ringing is very distracting and I'm tired of asking people to repeat everything they say. Even worse, I'm concerned about getting vertigo while driving again. I regularly drive 1-2 hours and want to do so as safely as possible.

So, GP or a specialist? What can I do to fix this?

1 month before work starts: what to do?

vastopenspaces — Thu, 24 May 2012 05:28:09 GMT

I'm starting work soon, any ideas on how I could best spend my time before it starts in one month? This is my second fulltime job since I finished my degree last year, and I'd be far away from home this time. Just wondered if there are worthwhile things to do in this not so short, but not so long period of time.

One thing to note, I practically have *zero* money at this point in my life. I'm actually considering a parttime job to support whatever activities I plan to do, but I guess a one month job is hard to come by.

Thanks so much for your inputs!

How should a single, mid-twenties guy new to the Bay Area spend his long weekend?

jander03 — Thu, 24 May 2012 05:00:43 GMT

How should a single, mid-twenties guy new to the Bay Area spend his long weekend?

I'm game for anything that will cost me less than $500.

My dogs aren't catching on to pottytraining.

Autumn — Thu, 24 May 2012 04:42:27 GMT

What am I doing wrong in potty training my three dogs?

I've had two of them for several months, and the other I got a few weeks ago. Two are around a year old, and the other is around four months. I have a mini Dachshund, Papillion, and Chihuahua.

They don't know that they're supposed to use the bathroom outside. I keep them crated when I'm not home and at night, and take them out as soon as I wake up/I get home. I also take them out shortly after eating and periodically throughout the day.

Often they'll use the bathroom outside, then two minutes after they're back inside they'll poop/pee in the house. Or they'll do nothing outside after like twenty minutes, then as soon as they're back inside they'll use the bathroom. It seems like more of a coincidence that they go to the bathroom outside - they just seem to go wherever they are when they have to go.

There's bells on the door that I ring whenever I take them out, and I use a keyword: "Let's go outside!" I also give them treats when they do their business outside. But they still haven't learned to let me know when they need to go outside and don't seem to understand me saying "No!" when they go to the bathroom in the house. They'll just look at me, wag their tails, and come over for a kiss.

Please tell me what I'm doing wrong! I've googled this which is where I got the suggestions above, but they're not catching on. I don't have the money to get professional classes or a personal trainer. I've had them for so long that I feel like they should've learned by now - help, please!

Who scratches words into vinyl records?

facetious — Thu, 24 May 2012 04:17:33 GMT

Who the heck is it who scratches words into the centers of vinyl LP's?

I've been buying a lot of new vinyl LP's this past year. Almost all (or all?) of them have letters and words scratched, seemingly by hand, into the narrow band of smooth vinyl between the record label and the inner groove. In particular, quite a few have the side designation (A, B, C etc.) scratched into them. Who the heck does this? Is it a person, or is it done by machine? All of these characters look like they've been scratched in freehand with an awl or a dremel or something.

Help me get my fat cat slim (again).

patheral — Thu, 24 May 2012 04:16:18 GMT

I got my cat back! Yay! But he's fat again... boo! I'm concerned that putting him on a diet again will do him damage.

A few months ago, I moved to Albuquerque, NM and because of finances and housing, I had to leave my cat, Mr. Mister with a friend of mine. Well, life had gotten better for me and I went and got Mister yesterday. We're on our way to Albuquerque now. But, holy cow! He's huge again! I plan on taking him to the vet as soon as possible to see if there's anything wrong with him. I think it's more that my friend didn't exercise him and fed him a lot. I asked this thread a long time ago and got some great advice which got Mr. down to, if not a svelte kitty, at least a smaller kitty.

My question is... I know he needs to lose weight again. It looks as though the weight is bending his legs! That could be an optical illusion but he is just too big. However, I don't want to put him on a crash diet again. He's gained a lot of weight in a little time (he's only been at my friend's for four months) and I don't want to do him harm. Should I go at this at a slower pace this time? He's going to have a much bigger place to live this time than the last time I asked the question, more room to play and better food than I could afford last time. I still have the feeding ball and he'll have wet food. I'm seriously worried about him. I'm grateful to my friend for keeping him for me, but wow.

Sign up to bring cookies on Wordpress?

al_fresco — Thu, 24 May 2012 04:02:10 GMT

I'd like to create a sign-up form on my Wordpress site where when someone signs up for a task then that task disappears from the list of options. Possible?

I use WP Form Manager for forms, and am generally happy with it, but I don't think it has the functionality I'm looking for. I want people to be able to sign up to bring one of a list of items to an event [cookies][coffee][gluten-free pastry], and I want [cookies] to disappear when someone signs up for it. I could use Google Docs as well (but I'm not seeing this option in Google Docs, either), but I'd prefer a WP plugin. I've seen it done with Filemaker, but I don't want to go that route.

Thanks in advance!

rent

Palmfrond — Thu, 24 May 2012 03:36:23 GMT

How much notice does an NYC landlord have to give before raising rent?

Our landlord contacted our downstairs neighbors this afternoon about raising their rent starting June 1. He then texted me and asked if he could "meet with us tomorrow." I assume he's going to tell us the same thing -- that he wants to raise our rent and have us sign a new lease.

Here are the salient facts:

* We are not in a rent controlled or rent stabilized apartment.
* The term of our original lease ended and we are currently living here on a month to month basis.

So my question is basically is there a legal expectation that he give me 30 or 60 days notice before raising our rent?

"That's one small step for a baby ..."

Eyebrows McGee — Thu, 24 May 2012 03:29:38 GMT

I'm throwing yet another party (baby shower). The theme is outer space. GO!

I feel like I ask you guys for party theme help a lot, but you are very good at it! I'm throwing a baby shower and the theme is outer space. (Is Neil deGrasse Tyson a theme? He would totally be the theme, the parents are superfans.) I need some ideas for crafts/games and food.

Food: I have a baker friend who can execute pretty sweet-looking cakes. It is going to be a brunch-y shower, mid-morning. Normal noshes are fine (and most of it will probably be normal), but I'd like at least a couple space-themed sweets, munchies, drinks, whatever. I'm also happy to hear ideas of what to serve at a brunch party (that isn't a sit-down), other than coffee cake.

Crafts/games: I generally prefer some kind of craft that becomes a keepsake for the kid (at my last shower where the theme was children's books, we each illustrated a page from a story written for the baby and turned it into a book). For games, things that don't require everyone to sit mute for 30 minutes while a complicated game is run. Also no smelling baby foods or identifying melted candy bars.

I have a tentative idea about having people make stars and planets and rockships out of fabric/felt/paper/something, to velcro to a large felt sheet/wall/covered bulletin board? To hang in the baby's room (space-themed, blue walls, not sure what shade yet), and so baby could reposition all the planets and stuff. But I'm clearly not sure how to execute that. I don't know, it would be a busy book, I'm not married to the wall. My other tentative idea is to do some sort of "wish upon a star" craft where everyone will write a wish for the baby on a star (made of die-cut paper? fabric to be turned into a mobile?) to be turned into a garland/stuck to the wall/made into a mobile in some fashion. Refine these ideas for me and make them awesome. Or tell me they are stupid and must die. Or give me cooler ones!

As yet I have no game ideas.

Help save my thumbs! I need a texting alternative

sleeping beauty — Thu, 24 May 2012 03:12:09 GMT

How can I text without typing on an iPhone? Is there a way to get voice translations right into a text without cutting and pasting on a 3Gs?

I'm developing tendonitis in my thumbs from my line of work and texting is seriously aggravating it. My physical therapist says I need to stop texting altogether, but texting has become pretty essential to my work (and personal) life.

On an iPhone 3Gs, is there a way to send texts via voice?

I use my iPhone (the keyboard in general) for everything! -- from maps to facebook to email.

Any ideas short of losing the iPhone and trading it in for something with an ergonomic mouse?

Anyone know a good men's blog or community?

zooropa — Thu, 24 May 2012 02:43:35 GMT

Can you recommend a good men's blog or community?

The other night, I clicked on a link that took me to a story on a site called xojane. As I was reading the story, it hit me that there didn't seem to be a men's equivalent of a smart, funny, intelligent blog or community. Where women have thriving and supportive communities like BlogHer, Jezebel, and xokane, men have .... what? I Google'd around, and all I found was a ton of Maxim or Details clones and /or religious groups like Promisekeepers. That's not what I'm looking for.

Can anyone recommend a good men's blog or community that isn't all booze, boobs, or grooming? Something for a Guy in his 30s who thinks. Something like Metafilter?

Getting Cable -- You'd think Free=Good? No.

sandmanwv — Thu, 24 May 2012 02:14:16 GMT

I'd like to sign up for cable and internet at my new house that I just bought. One problem: the previous owner is out of the country and he has yet to disconnect his service. How can I get (in this case Comcast) to allow me to start a new account at my house?

Five steps forward, Twenty Steps Back?

Ashen — Thu, 24 May 2012 02:05:58 GMT

My roommate has an eating disorder. I USED to have an eating disorder until I moved in, and I cannot move out. Help me survive three more weeks without relapsing?

Backstory: I am a recent alumna back at my alma mater to take care of something for about a month. I live on campus, with a roommate. Room and board have been graciously covered by another party. I don't want to disclose more, because I might be easily identified IRL otherwise.

The girl that I'm living with has an eating disorder. Assume that her having an ED is something I've witnessed since moving in, and the symptoms - such as the new, lingering smell of vomit in our suite - are omnipresent. At first, I ignored one of her friends' jokes as she moved in: [redacted] doesn't eat, she just lives on sunshine. She's like a plant!" But seeing her return from going out to dinner, go straight to our shared bathroom and audibly purge has triggered me.

I have a history of EDs. I had not relapsed seriously before moving in, but being around her at night - when we're both home - has flared up some of my old habits. I've started counting calories again. I started comparing myself to her this morning, thinking about how much weight I'd have to lose in order to look as good, if not better. It's worth noting that although I had my ED under control, my body issues are still...highly problematic.

HELP.

I tried earlier this week to move into a single, but the housing department has me on a "waiting list" - all of their available rooms are full, and not a single student has dropped out of summer school or relocated off-campus. I cannot move off-campus into a hotel, and would have no transportation getting to campus if I couch-surfed for the next 3 weeks.

What are my options? What should I do? Are there free resources that I can turn to that will help me keep my eating disorder from coming back in full swing?

Sorry if this is a little incoherent. Thank you for your advice.

Advice and suggestions wanted for a single mother: working, in college, not sleeping, and the hours (and stress) of this are about to blow up in my face. I may implode unless there is some kind of change.

WanderingTheHill — Thu, 24 May 2012 01:49:40 GMT

Advice and suggestions wanted for a single mother: working, in college, not sleeping, and the hours (and stress) of this are about to blow up in my face. I may implode unless there is some kind of change.

I'm a 33-year old single mom to a kindergartener. I work 25 hours a week at a job that I don't hate, and I'm a junior in college. I take two classes a semester, both of which have separate lab components (as they all will until I graduate). So really, I'm essentially on campus for four separate classes. I mostly live off my student (all federal thus far) loans since I can't work more hours. As a bio major, my classes are becoming more demanding and requiring more hours of study than physically exist in my day. I'm desperate for suggestions on either how to balance school/parenting/working, or what options I have for not working so that I can get out of school sooner than the currently projected 2015.

My schedule is basically: take daughter to school (25 min away), go to work (25 min from d's school), go straight to campus (40 min from work), go directly to get daughter (30 min from campus) and go home (25 min) to make dinner and regular nighttime kid routines. I really don't spend time with my daughter anymore, and she is beginning to ask why I don't have more time for her. It's heartbreaking, and I miss playing with her and simply existing in our own secret world.

She's gone every other weekend, and the weekends she's home, I'm often forced to find distractions so I can catch up on papers and homework. The only time I get to study during the week is from about 9:30PM-1AM, and the lack of sleep is starting to affect the relationship with my daughter. Something has to give.

Her dad lives far enough away so that he can't help with her. I get ~400/month in child support, which covers only about half of d's tuition/after-care, so I'm financially responsible for all other expenses; money is obviously bad. After this fall, the remainder of my classes are only offered in the morning. I'll be forced to either quit my job or put off school. If I can find a way to not work, I can go to school full time and dedicate myself to studies in a way that I never have been able; I realize this is probably fantasy. Although, I'll owe so much in loans that it feels like it just doesn't matter to rack up more. It's that bad, yes.

Please help with your thoughts on how I can do this. I do get what limited state assistance is available, but there are very few support systems around here for moms who are trying to get out of a welfare rut.

Thank you to anyone who actually read this far.

What are the best ways for a cinephile like me to find communities of those similarly interested in film?

dr handsome — Thu, 24 May 2012 01:25:53 GMT

What are the best ways for a cinephile like me to find communities of those similarly interested in film?

I am eager to find entry level positions in "the industry" and would be equally excited to find some way of making money writing about film but a possibly more immediate goal of mine is to find some way of coming into contact with likeminded fans of the cinema!

I'm not sure if Craigslist or a site designed to facilitate meetups are the best options?

I also live in the New York area and frequent the Film Forum along with other repertory houses in the city and was thinking that maybe those might be a place to find the "community" I'm looking for.

Hopefully you guys can offer up some suggestions or answers!

want to be more tolerate of different opinions, want to be calmer and more realitstic

akomom — Thu, 24 May 2012 01:14:59 GMT

how to you embrace different or opposite opinions from yours, instead of being offended or upset or pressured by it?

I want to improve myself in this aspect. In the logic part of my brain, I know that different people have different opinions, different from mine. Sometimes, I am right, sometimes, the others are right. Sometimes, there's no right or wrong. But the emotion part of my brain often get upset by people doing things differently from mine. I am especially sensitive to my parent's opinion and get very mad with them, thinking they are pressuring me to do things their way. But actually, that's not the truth. They intended well, they don't think they are pressuring me. So I guess somehow I can't think straight on this. Do you have suggestions to me? This is a roadblock in my life right now, I would be very happy if I can figure this out. Thanks

Help my toddler's constipation

NailsTheCat — Thu, 24 May 2012 01:10:51 GMT

Our daughter frequently suffers from constipation. It's her two year doctor visit in a couple of days. Looking for anecdotes and experiences from anyone with a toddler with a similar history that we can raise with the doctor.

Pretty much since we switched to cow's milk at one year old our daughter has had constipation. We manage it by making sure she has enough fiber and, at the doctor's recommendation, giving her Miralax. We've never liked her being on Miralax since we know it can be habit forming but she's taking it daily.

We switched her to goat's milk a few months ago. That didn't seem to have a discernible effect. She's been to an allergy specialist and we know that she has an allergy to eggs (skin reaction mainly) and possibly to peanuts. No mention of dairy or gluten.

We desperately want to end the Miralax although the doctor has o reservations continuing it. Would like to hear of any anecdata where toddler constipation issues have been resolved that we could discuss with the doctor during the visit.

One click, two clicks, three clicks...crap

sio42 — Thu, 24 May 2012 00:53:02 GMT

MacFilter: Asking for a friend. He has a MacBook 6,1 running Lion. When he got it, it was running Snow Leopard and he upgraded a few days later. Ever since, the cursor quite frequently is one or more clicks behind.

Other specs if helpful: 2.6 GHz, 2GB ram.

He has reformatted and reinstalled to no avail. I've seen it do this. If clicks on, say, Documents, in Finder and then clicks Applications, it will highlight Documents after he has clicked on Applications. Sometimes it gets more than 1 click behind. It's a bit weird. The click actions don't seem to be out of order, it's just performing them in a delayed way.

It's not a lag...if he just waits, it doesn't do anything. It's only after clicking again that something happens.

Please let me know what else you need to know or want him to try.

The Google has not helped but maybe we weren't using the right search terms.

Flu-like symptoms after thyroidectomy -- is this normal?

mdiskin — Thu, 24 May 2012 00:36:56 GMT

Flu-like symptoms after thyroidectomy, and my brain is too fogged to sort them out...

I had a subtotal thyroidectomy 3 weeks ago (right side is gone, left side is still there). My goiter is gone, and my levels are "within normal range" but why do I feel so awful still? My symptoms:

- constant nausea, as bad as my hyperemetic pregnancies
- heaviness in limbs
- brain fog & problems processing, but what else is new?
- extreme fatigue
- general flu feelings -- sort of a hollow, buzzing feeling everywhere
- severely depressed appetite, although it's a bit better this week

After spending much of last week curled up in a ball and nauseated, I ended up in the ER last weekend getting fluids, which made me feel better for about a day. Blood tests all came back normal. Now I'm back to feeling bad again -- like I have the flu. Googling is just confusing me -- is this within normal recovery after losing half your thyroid?

improving employee culture

jseven — Thu, 24 May 2012 00:30:12 GMT

how to improve employee culture

I work in a call center. Each year the leadership team (which I am a part of) meet to discuss employee culture and look for new ideas. We have had guest speakers from notable companies share ideas etc. This year is a bit different. Each of us has been asked to bring our own ideas for improving employee culture.

What ideas do you have that improve employee culture (a.k.a. job satisfaction) in the work place? Is there anything that makes things better, more fun, etc?

Ideas need to at least make sense from a business perspective (No, we can't give everyone a raise, extra vacation, etc.)

Any call center specific ideas would be great!

thank you,
j

Can we get out of attending this expensive wedding?

Anonymous — Thu, 24 May 2012 00:23:55 GMT

Can we bail from this wedding? It's happening in 17 days.

Backstory: I'm friends with the groom; we were were coworkers several years earlier. We still talk sometimes online, mainly about politics, and my husband is on friendly terms with him as well. We hardly know his wife at all. The couple attended our wedding last year, which was in the city where we all live, so it was convenient for them. They gave us a $100 check. We see them maybe once every two years, despite our multiple invitations to parties and other social gatherings. They're homebodies though, so we don't take it personally.

So now they're getting married. Yay! However, the logistics are really expensive. The ceremony is 3 hours away from us, so we'll need to rent a car for the weekend (a $430 fee) and stay in a hotel in a tiny resort town with no fleabag options. The cheapest hotel we could find was $100/night.

There is no public transit option, so we're splitting the rental car with two other guests. I was hoping to drive upstate that Saturday, which would cut down on hotel and car rental fees, but all the hotels have a 2-night minimum, and one of our passengers is part of the wedding party, so she has to be upstate on Friday anyways.

After researching rental car companies today, I'm in sticker shock. As a non-driving city person who never takes trips, I didn't realize how expensive it would be to rent a car for a weekend. Even though we're splitting that fee with two other people, the excursion is costing us $415 already. The couple is not part of our regular circle of friends, so we don't know anyone who can split other fees with us, such as an extra couple to pile into the car or to share a cabin upstate. The weirdest part is that the guy and his wife are not wealthy (her parents are, though) and what few mutual friends we have together are also not terribly rich. I have no idea how they think anyone in our income bracket can afford this getaway.

It's my fault for not thinking through the cost options. I RSVPd thinking we'd be shelling out about $225, but now I see we'll have to pay nearly double thanks to the car rental.

On one hand, I know that how irritating last-minute cancellations can be. We've told two people we could split a rental car, so if we back out now they'll have to make other arrangements, like splitting a rental car between themselves. My husband and I enjoy socializing and wouldn't mind hanging out with friends of the bride and groom, so it's not like the actual event would be a chore.

On the other hand, I think it's simply insane to pay that kind of money to attend a wedding for two people whom we hardly ever see. We're not exactly rich, so shelling out over $400 for not-very-close friends seems extravagant.

What should we do? We have two days left to cancel our hotel reservations with no penalty, so in theory we could save all of our money and send them a check for $100 or even more. If we cancel, how can I word the apology email so that I don't sound like an impoverished, selfish jerkface? I'm embarrassed to admit that this trip is sort of out of our price range, and I don't want my friend to feel bad for the fact that we can't really afford to attend.

Or, given how late this cancellation would be, should we just tighten our belts and attend? If this is enormously bad etiquette, tell me how bad it is so I can feel better about paying all this money to attend the wedding!

gynecology advice (oh yeah this is staying anonymous)

Anonymous — Thu, 24 May 2012 00:23:00 GMT

Going to the gynecologist tomorrow: What to ask/test for and should I use my insurance?

If you are a patient person, can you read over my history and suggest other questions/things to test or talk to my doctor about at my gynecology appointment tomorrow?

I am a 28 YO lady and I'm headed to the gyno for a pap smear and to check up on all my lady business. I've had 4 oral sex partners w/o protection, but I've never had penetrative intercourse. I've had 2 pap smears before, both normal, and I've had STD testing before that came up negative, but I have had 2 oral-sex partners since my last round of testing.

Since my last visit to the gyno ~2 years ago, for the last 3-4 months, I've had my first yeast infection, and general vaginal swelling/redness/soreness/more discharge than is typical for me, which started after antibiotics. I self-treated the yeast infection with OTC drugs and finally an antifungal prescription, but I still feel like there is some swelling and extra discharge. I'm going to explain these concerns and request testing for bacterial vaginosis, based on my symptoms. I am also going to request an STD panel of testing, and specifically am concerned about chlamydia due to extra discharge. After a recent askme question, I am also going to ask about what I think may be minor hemmorhoids. Is this appropriate to ask a gyno? I know they probably deal with them with post-preggers women, but I've never been pregnant.

I've also had very light bleeding in combo with a discharge between periods about 1 week-10 days after my period has ended. I think this is ovulation bleeding, and it's only happened during my last 2 periods. My periods have always been like clockwork, but in the last few months my cycle has been a big longer, with more days between periods, and an extra day or two of having my period. I'm going to share these concerns as well.

Oh! Occasionally (maybe twice a week) I'll have a sudden urge to use the restroom, but it is definitely not a problem in my life or something I would want to take medicine for. I'm open to monitoring it and doing kegels, that type of thing.

Other than being open and honest with my history and answering all my doctor's questions, are there any other things that I should use this appointment for specifically? (If you've made it this far, thank you, I just don't want to overlook something given my many but mild/moderate symptoms.)

Finally, I am covered by my work insurance, but I don't particularly like my job and may want to switch/be self-covered within a couple of years. Should I request that my insurance NOT be billed for the STD testing? Is it typically possible for doctor offices to be able to bill insurance for the checkup/pap smear, but NOT for the STD labwork? (I know I will learn from my particular doctor, but I am interested in others' experiences.)

Sincere thanks for tips/thoughts/advice.

Why is Blogger messing up my formatting?

bowbeacon — Thu, 24 May 2012 00:22:03 GMT

Why is Blogger messing up my formatting?

Blogger is driving me crazy!

When composing a new post, everything look fine in 'draft' mode. When I publish, however, lots of extra spacing has been inserted, so there are huge gaps between paragraphs.

Similarly, the site will also sometimes refuse to display text in the appropriate font or size, even though everything looks fine in the composing pane.

I generally compose in Google Docs or Microsoft Word and then copy and paste into Blogger's composing screen. I have tried copying my text into Text Edit, saving it as a .txt file, and only then copy and pasting the content over. I hoped that this would strip the text of any weird formatting embedded in the Word or Google file. This seems to have reduced the frequency of the problem, but not eliminated it.

Any idea why Blogger is so dead-set on screwing up my formatting? Any ideas would be much appreciated!

Internet top news stories aggregator.

zardoz — Wed, 23 May 2012 23:54:00 GMT

Is there a news site that collects the "top news stories" from various news sites into a single site?

For example CNN, Time, and a hundred other sites have a "Top 10 [5] Time stories" in the sidebar. Does any site put these together to a single page? (Or have I had an actual original idea for a news site??)

Podcast Listening 101

camylanded — Wed, 23 May 2012 23:53:30 GMT

In need of PODCAST 101 - How and where to get them, best podcasts for entertainment value, cheap and/or free and something I'm able to upload onto my NON-IPOD player.

I'm new to the whole downloading podcasts thing. I used to listen to them straight from NPR itself through my computer-- but with my current job, I'm not able to do such things. I need (read:preferably) free podcasts and audiobooks that I can download to put onto my crappy Sansa clip mp3 player. Is this possible?

I see a lot of "subscribing" to a podcast through iTunes but that isn't going to help me since I don't have an iPod.

So firstly, I'm endlessly fascinated with podcasts like "This American Life". I have all of the episodes from 1995 to 2008-- but no recent episodes and they seem to only be available for download at 99 cents each. That could get expensive! Is there anyway I can download TAL or something like it for free? Where?

Also I see there's a lot of "libraries" of podcasts that are able to be downloaded for a buck each. Is there anything out there like that for free? Is there a program I can use to subscribe to podcasts that will allow me to download them and put them onto my mp3 player?

Any kind of podcast-y related advice you could give me or websites you can guide me to would be super fantastic!

How can I, a dropout, get academic counseling at CSULB?

snoe — Wed, 23 May 2012 23:43:00 GMT

CSULB insiders - help this dropout get academic counseling at CSU Long Beach...

This is a shout-out to anyone familiar with CSULB's bureaucracy - I've googled, tried CSUmentor.edu, and called all kinds of numbers to no avail. I need some insider stuff, if anyone's got experience.

I dropped out of the art department's BA program 10 years ago. I'd like to finish up my degree - I'm probably only a few credits short, but that's hard to figure out without some help from an academic counselor. The bureaucracy runaround's result is: reapply, and then you can get counseling. Reapplying seems like an iffy proposition if I don't know what I need to do to graduate, though!

I would think the university would be happy to see someone graduate after taking just a class or two, but I can't figure out who to talk to. I've dealt with phone-lackeys (no judgment, I've been a phone-lackey) at the art department, the admissions office, and the enrollment office so far, but none of them will pass me on to someone higher.

Any insiders want to help?

Cough drops with non-stick wrappers for warm climates

exogenous — Wed, 23 May 2012 23:40:38 GMT

Looking for wrapped cough drops that don't turn into sticky messes in the summer.

A standard cough drop turns oozy in the summer here. Are there any that hold up to spending a few hours in a pocket? I know about Altoids, but would prefer something with a wrapper so it won't suffer from being in a pocket by itself.

chocolate sauce uses

mightshould — Wed, 23 May 2012 22:55:17 GMT

My neighbors gave me a jar of homemade chocolate / fudge sauce for my birthday. (Good neighbors aren't they?) I need ideas on how to use it.

Other than direct spoon feeding into comotose land or IV drip, I'm short on creative ideas.

It's about 3 cups full of chocolaty goodness.

While I do have ice cream handy there has to be a better way to enjoy this wonderful gift without having to make a run to the store tonight. They're sure to ask tomorrow and, besides, the chocolate is sitting there silently mocking me.

All ideas for immediate and future uses will be enjoyed. Feed my imagination please.

Cellphone options for senior travelers in London

kimdog — Wed, 23 May 2012 22:08:37 GMT

The recently-retired senior generation of my family is traveling from US to London in October. They are arriving separately and splitting up for a couple of different side trips, and want to be able to stay in touch by cell phone. What are the easiest, cheapest options for cell phones that they can purchase ahead of time?

Currently, everyone is on Verizon (ruling out SIM cards), and they don't have tri- or quad-band phones anyway. They would like to have the phones with them when they arrive- they really don't want to spend the first days of their trip trying to sort out phone options, and need to be in touch almost immediately since members of the group are flying into Gatwick and Heathrow from several different US locations. They only need two basic phones that can call each other (and maybe text)... no smart phones with data needs. Anyone have suggestions for cheap (or used) phones that could be bought ahead of time, as well as SIM options?

What should I know about Vermont living?

firei — Wed, 23 May 2012 22:06:53 GMT

What should I know about living in Vermont?

I'm considering picking up and moving to Vermont in the early fall.

Let's say that I will have at least $3,000 (hopefully more like $5,000) when I make the move. I am mid 20s, enjoy theatre, music, farmer's markets, libraries, crafts, and some outdoorsy things (I've never been skiing in my adult life, but I'm willing to change that). I'm not a big drinker or bar-goer, but some nightlife wouldn't hurt. I'm considering getting my master's in something in the next couple of years.

I have a bachelor's in business and have a certificate in european baking and pastry arts. I'm qualified to do most office jobs, as well as some baking, dessert, or pastry type jobs. I wouldn't even mind retail or a B&B (that sounds fun, actuallly!).

Where in Vermont would you suggest I go, and what should I know about living there? Do I need four-wheel drive? How is the job market (yay for the 4th lowest unemployment rate!)? What about apartments/real estate? Are winters as bad as people say they are? Are the people as nice as they say?

Thanks in advance for any suggestions or advice!

Is there a printer that can make complete lenticular prints?

metasailor — Wed, 23 May 2012 21:40:47 GMT

Is there a consumer printer which can make 3d lenticular prints from 3d photos?

I'm interested in 3d photography. One sticking point for me is to actually be able to print pictures in 3d.

Are there any consumer printers which will just make a lenticular print (or similar kind of 3d print) directly from a file sent to it?

I know I can merge pictures in Photoshop, and then cut them to match lenticular sheets that I can buy separately. Looking for an easier route - although I'll be very happy to get further information on that subject also.

I've tried googling for 3d printer, but as can be expected I keep turning up the printer that makes objects instead. If that kind of 3d printer could make lenticular prints as well, I'd of course be into it but that doesn't seem to be the case. : )

Smart TV: which is the best/ most hackable as of today?

elpapacito — Wed, 23 May 2012 21:40:21 GMT

What Smart TV set (Samsung,Philips,YouNameIt) to buy? Bonus firmware and software hack (legal) link inside.

My TV-monitor died after giving me 4 years of excellent service, so I am in the market for a so called "smart tv", that is, a TV-monitor set with embedded linux/android/youname it processor and operating system, web interface, wifi connection etc. Any recommendations / experiences / stuff to avoid?

What I really would like to have:
1. usb connection to HD to view mkv et al, embedded decoder chip inside;
2. wifi connection to stream youtube from wifi router;
3. embedded applications, possibly android, skype being a very nice extra;
4. embedded browsers w/flash support, hopefully not sucking too much.

Here's the bonus hack link for Samsung TV oweners : SamyGO

Spider print, spider print, someone hook me up with this spider print

Lou Stuells — Wed, 23 May 2012 21:26:32 GMT

This is a painting by Michael Sowa. I desperately want a print of it for the guest bedroom. Is it available for purchase anywhere?

Oddly enough, the only prints available for sale by this artist seem to be cute dogs, pigs, bunnies and bears. Go figure.

We bought a home! Now what?

backseatpilot — Wed, 23 May 2012 21:26:30 GMT

So we bought a condo. Now what?

I just dropped off the deposit for our very first home this afternoon! We're very excited, but now I don't know what I should be doing. Between now and closing (and beyond!) what should we be doing to prepare ourselves for owning our first place and making it our own? We're getting an inspection set up and looking into doing some work on the bathroom before we move, but other than that I'm pretty stumped. I'm open to everything both practical and completely frivolous to help us complete the sale and settle in to our new place.

I have finally decided on a career path, but am scared of the prospects described online in forums.

Anonymous — Wed, 23 May 2012 21:20:34 GMT

I have finally decided on a career path, but am scared of the prospects described online in forums.

I find anatomy, physiological processes, and the chemical processes within the body fascinating. I am almost done with my undergraduate in Biochemistry and am thinking of going into pharmacy. I was so excited about it as I had struggled to figure out what I eventually wanted to do. Medical school is out because I don't think it's for me, I don't want to do nursing, and veterinary school is still on the table although I realize it is very competitive.

However, despite what the BLS says, I am worried about job prospects. People in a lot of online forums make it seem like the worst idea possible, due to saturation. I wonder if that is not just how the economy is right now, in most fields. In any case, is this a bad decision? I wish I had the 20/20 vision that experience gives, which is why I turn to the green.

A long aside:

I am also open to new career suggestions. I do not want to work directly in animal testing, research, etc. I am aware that working in pharmacy, well, is a byproduct of that, but actually my end goal is to make a decent living so that I can put most of my monetary resources (aside from my bills and other basic living expenses, savings, etc) into helping animals. Vet would seem like an obvious choice, but, well, they apparently make less than pharmacists unless it's a private practice, and quite frankly, I'm not so interested in helping the animals that are being brought in by good pet owners. I'm interested in helping the animals that are ignored, homeless, in shelters, etc. Money is my tool to do this. Of course, there are other ways to make money, but like I said, I do find biochemistry/pharmacy/medicine fascinating.

Dealing with Liver Soreness

wanderingchord — Wed, 23 May 2012 21:18:44 GMT

Possible Liver problems (abdominal soreness/pain). Trying to figure out what it is and how best to deal with it.

So for about a month, I've had minor/low-level soreness right around the liver area (bottom of the right side of ribs). In the old, golden days I would have just gone to a doctor and followed his/her advice. Now I have no insurance and very little money, so when walking in the door costs $200 I'm forced to try to figure out what's going on and how to deal with it myself as best I can, at least until the pain becomes so unbearable I can't function.

At first I thought the pain might have been caused by my trying a supplement knows as Kava, which has been suspected of causing liver issues and even deaths. I was willing to try it because the most recent studies indicated it was fairly safe, and even then did so very moderately, less than half the regular dose.

But it's been at least a month since I had any, and the pain persists. At this point, I'm starting to suspect I may just be dealing with some kind of viral hepatitis. No sex or illicit drugs, but maybe I didn't wash my hands enough at some point?

Obviously if my urine goes brown or my skin goes bright yellow I'll be running to the ER because I'd rather be thousands of dollars in debt than dead. But until that happens, is there anything else I can do, and anything else to keep an eye out for? Any educated guesses on what the nature of this is?

How low is this airplane?

Cobbler — Wed, 23 May 2012 21:13:57 GMT

Can someone explain this picture to me? It's a Google Earth shot of Russell Square in London. It aslo features an apparently low-flying airplane. It can't be as low as it looks, can it?

Atypical Vegas wedding Elvii?

palindromic — Wed, 23 May 2012 21:01:59 GMT

Looking for recommendation for an atypical Elvis for Vegas wedding?

I would like to find a Vegas Elvis wedding officiant, who is female and/or non-white. I'm open to time of year and all that, but less expensive is better. The other member of the wedding is more interested in gambling than I am, so something with a casino tie-in is fine, but not required.

Also, I am totally new to this, so if you have other tips on having a tacky fabulous atypical Elvis Vegas wedding, please share!

Save my armpit from becoming swiss cheese!

cgg — Wed, 23 May 2012 20:53:47 GMT

I know I'm asking the impossible, and can't believe I'm actually asking this, but I'm at my wits end. How can I train my cat not to knead me to death?

These are my three furrbabies. The one on the right with the toy has this maddening habit of making bread in my armpit, typically when i'm in bed. Every night. Usually when I'm already asleep. She just wants to be petted (she's an extremely needy cat when it comes to affection) but this really starting to drive me insane. When i'm asleep, it wakes me up. It hurts!! She also does it when i'm just falling asleep, making sleep impossible until she's gotten the pets she has deemed necessary. I keep her claws trimmed, but my armpits are consistently covered in tiny cat-claw pricks. She really only does this at night, and I'll be honest, trying to train a cat when I'm about ready to pass out asleep is not usually my priority in the moment. But something needs to be done.

Things I've tried:
1) telling her a forceful no and ignoring her. She doesn't stop. In fact, she gets more persistant.
2) A high pitched yelp like they make when the play fighting gets too intense. She actually understands she's hurting me right in that moment and stops temporarily, but 60 seconds later she's back.
3) Kick the cats out of the bedroom. Works in that it forcibly stops the undesired behaviour during the banishment, but has the side effect of "punishing" the other two, and now I'm without my other two footwarmers. I can't lock one out and two in, due to litterbox issues and the fact all three would cry to be with their pal(s) on the other side of the door.
4) Shaking a can of pennies - sorta works, causing her to run away for a few minutes, but also freaks out the other two cats (and thank god I sleep alone). I didn't really keep this up long enough to train any behavior.

I haven't tried it yet, but am conteplating using compressed air. I've debated squirting some air at her, but is this safe? I'm also worried about my abilities to do so in a half-awake state.

Obviously, the other cat training tactics don't apply here -- i can't cover my armpit in pepper, or tinfoil (or can I?... hmmm). Body armour maybe? My arm coverings at night are at most usually light, tshirt material and easy penetrable by a determined cat.

The other two cats are actually her kittens. When she was weaning them, where they would knead her to get more milk, she would kick them in the head. I really wish I was flexible enough to duplicate this behavior as it seemed to work for her, but alas i'm not built quite right :)

So - any other ideas? I love my cats, and feel bad discouraging her cuddle instincts, but i'm at my wits end here. My armpits thank you in advance.

What can I do with my blood test data?

jefficator — Wed, 23 May 2012 20:42:31 GMT

How can I make the most of the blood test results I have just received?

I just got my blood test results from my annual physical. I'm "normal" on everything...but the ranges sure seem big.

I'm wondering whether there's something like an app where I insert my blood test results and the app tells me ways to improve my health.

I'm sure the answer will always be "eat better" and "exercise more," but I'm sitting here with this sexy pile of data and I don't know how to use it.

Thanks!

help queer my summer reading list please!

kylej — Wed, 23 May 2012 20:39:53 GMT

What are some great (somewhat) recently released novels/books/memoirs with queer/LGBTQ themes or characters?

I've looked through the archives, but haven't found much since 2008, so I thought this type of question was worth asking again. Sorry if I've missed a more recent question!

Feel free to throw out any type of book you'd like, but I'm most interested in fiction, particularly with younger (college-aged +) characters/protagonists. If a book has got urban/activist-y/radical themes to it as well, that would be really cool!

I'm more interested in realistic fiction, but definitely feel free to throw out fantasy/sci-fi novels as well!

Thanks so much!

How do I get the most out of my co-op job?

kitcat — Wed, 23 May 2012 20:24:03 GMT

Programmers and other IT folks: what advice can you give a programmer co-op student to help her get the most out of this summer job experience?

I'm almost a month into a summer co-op doing some programming (along with two other students) at a large company. What I want most out of this is to learn how to be a more skillful and knowledgeable programmer. I've learned a few things so far, but not nearly as much as I had hoped. Our team lead is too busy to give us much guidance. To give you an idea of what we are doing, we were given a .NET application to re-target to 4.0 and refactor (largely, do whatever ReSharper suggests). While we're done with that one, I'm still not sure I understand what the program actually does and how it does it. We're about to do the same with another application - happily, there is more documentation for it. Things seem disorganized. The company does not have coding standards set up. For this next project, we apparently won't be able to test our code with any data. I feel uncomfortable with the lack of structure. Maybe this is typical, though.

Luckily, we have great access to a lot of employees who are happy and enthusiastic about helping us. I just find that I don't know what to ask them. Also, sometimes I feel a little afraid to reveal the extent of my ignorance. I don't know how to make the best of all of this and to get the most out of such a great opportunity. I find that I roam Google pretty aimlessly trying to learn about technologies or coding techniques that I'm encountering, but things aren't really fitting together for me.

I apologize that this is a pretty rambling question. What I'm looking for is advice, from new or seasoned programmers/IT people. How do I really take the reigns here and walk out this at the end of the summer feeling learned and accomplished?

Need formula for APR with long/short odd days.

joshuamcginnis — Wed, 23 May 2012 20:18:49 GMT

Need formula for APR with long/short odd days.

I need to programmatically calculate APR based on the following inputs:

Principal Amount
Number of payments
Payment each period

Second: most APR formula assume an equal number of payments and an equal number of days between each payment.

In my case, we may have loans where there is an odd number of days for the first payment (either less than or more than the frequency of their payments).

Can someone help me with getting the formula(s) for APR that can help me find the adjusted APR that takes into account the first payment odd days?

10 ccs of life goals, STAT

Wretch729 — Wed, 23 May 2012 20:12:15 GMT

What type of doctor should my friend become? Emergency Medicine or Endocrinology? (Snowflake details inside)

My friend is a 3rd year med student and is trying to plan what residency (and elective rotations) to apply to. She likes emergency medicine (ER) because of the problem solving involved. She also enjoys being the first line in diagnosis and the satisfaction of often seeing immediate results from your treatment. The flexible work hours (which would allow more time for family) are also a plus.

On the other hand, she is drawn to endocrinology because it also offers a lot of diagnostic puzzles and problem solving. It would also allow her to practice part time in primary care, specifically for a diabetes clinic (for which there is a big need). Endocrinology has also been her favorite topic intellectually through school.

So health care professionals of Metafilter, what say you? Any advice?

This fancy new stuff just confuses me

wierdo — Wed, 23 May 2012 19:56:57 GMT

It's finally time to build a new PC. Help me decide on some specifics.

I built a fairly beefy Sandy Bridge-based machine last year for my pinball machine that has somehow become my desktop machine after a laptop failure. It's time to get the pinball machine going again, so I need a new desktop.

I've pretty much decided I'm going to go ahead and get a 3570K and some Z77 board to go with it, but beyond that I'm having a hard time making a decision.

Which Z77 motherboard? Which roomy tower case? Which PSU? Which video card? In the past I've always used Nvidia and I had to use Nvidia for the pinball machine thanks to some compatibility issues with Radeon drivers, but for this one I can pick anything.

Is there any reason not to get an Intel 330 SSD?

I'd like to keep the computer itself to around $800, because I'd like to have some money left over for a couple of new monitors. I have 8GB of memory that can be reused and can wait on the video card(s) to help keep the initial cost down, but I'd like a PSU and mobo that can handle an SLI/Crossfire setup down the line.

Where to find full recordings of FDR fireside chats?

refractal — Wed, 23 May 2012 19:14:34 GMT

Where can I download FDR's 'fireside' weekly radio addresses?

One can find a catalog of recorded utterances at the FDR library, short snippets at the Museum of Broadcast Communications but I am trying to find a full series of the radio addresses. Anyone have any ideas? Bonus for any full radio news programs from the 1930s-1942.

What is the ultimate mashup of science and belief/religion?

Slacker Manager — Wed, 23 May 2012 19:10:05 GMT

I'm looking for a book that is essentially a mashup of behavioral economics, social psychology, neuroscience, wisdom/bible literature, and mythology.

I have found a few that come close. Newberg's books look good, though focused on neuroscience and belief. I've got the Principles of Neurotheology on order, though. Joseph Campbell's books handle the mythology stuff, of course. I guess I'm looking for what would be essentially a collaboration of Newberg, Eagleman, Robert Cialdini, Thomas Merton or Thomas Kelly, Meister Eckhart, and Dan Ariely. I see that this is a very male list of authors. I'd be grateful for feminist voices in these fields as well. And if there was a sprinkling of Jaron Lanier and/or Clay Shirky in there, that'd be okay too.

I would obviously welcome a bullseye to this request, but I will also be grateful for any sort of a "further reading" list.

Controlling the MacBook heat in LA

chambers — Wed, 23 May 2012 19:03:33 GMT

MacBook heatsink repair tech needed in Los Angeles - Recommendations?

I have a good friend in Los Angeles who has a 17" 2006 MacBook Pro. He needs the heat sink re-seated with new thermal paste.

He just had a hard drive replacement and his processor is now running at 94-100c, everything else is in the 48c-60c range. SMC Fan Control has helped everything but the main processor.

I want to send him to a good Apple certified tech that could do the job quickly (within a couple hours) and reliably. I'd rather not go to the Apple store, as he needs his laptop for work, and the turnaround time is too long, not to mention the costly 'just swap the logic board' attitude of most Apple store repairs.

Any suggestions?

In Responding to Someone Being Difficult, Where is Line Between "Assertive" and "Jerk"

Jon44 — Wed, 23 May 2012 19:03:15 GMT

In Responding to Someone Being Difficult, Where is Line Between "Assertive" and "Jerk"?

Type of situation I'm thinking of is working with a physical therapist who aggressively insists I do some exercise I've already told them has irritated my joint. (And so complying with their instruction would almost certainly cause further injury--this happens more than you might imagine.)

This type of thing infuriates me. Here's a range of possible responses:

1) Exert all self-control I have and just look them in eye and say "I'm going to pass"
2) Breezily say "You do that, I'm going to stick with what I know is safe."
3) Say "listen, I already told you that hurt my joint. Is there anyone else here I can work with who's able to listen to patients"

The question for me is when does someone cross a line from being innocently incompetent (i.e., they need to follow some set protocol and aren't able to vary from it), versus so wildly inconsiderate as to be willing to cause harm. If it's the second, I find it almost impossible to control myself and not express irritation of some sort...

Find this prose monument to metaphorical excess.

xenization — Wed, 23 May 2012 19:03:09 GMT

Can you help me re-locate a passage full of purple prose?

A year or two back, I stumbled across a passage from a novel--I believe it was a largely unmemorable fantasy book from the '90s--that has been reproduced in numerous places on the Internet. If I remember correctly, it was a description of a woman's appearance, but stuffed with so many mixed and ungainly metaphors (or perhaps similes?), it was laughable. I vaguely recall some part of her being described as like scythes, though don't quote me on that.

Any ideas?

There's a freeway running through the yard

agentmitten — Wed, 23 May 2012 18:47:35 GMT

I could use a reality check, before we get any deeper into planning. Can we buy a house/condo in a livable neighborhood in Los Angeles for $400K or under? Is this doable or do I need to remove my rose-colored glasses? And if it is doable, which neighborhoods should we be looking at?

The babes are growing fast, and 3 years from now, will both be done with HS, thus freeing us to move away from Michigan (shared custody has kept us here). 3 years seems like both an eternity and a blink of an eye - but we're beginning to lay the groundwork and planning.

We live in Ann Arbor, so a move to the west coast will be somewhat less of a sticker shock from here than from some other parts of Michigan, but I'm worried about whether a $400K purchase price is going to get us into a neighborhood we'll like. I've been looking at Trulia, etc. and there are definitely houses/condos that fall under $400K listing price-wise, but it's hard to tell what the neighborhoods are like from those kinds of sites.

We're not looking for swanky or fancy, we're totally okay with the idea of it being a modest or even "transitional" neighborhood. Would like it to be a real neighborhood, though, with a little bit of retail/services included in the area - don't want a must-have-car-for-every-single-errand affair. We're actually looking forward to living in a real city, so an urban feel is fine - even desirable.

We've visited Los Angeles (stayed in Pasadena and generally liked it) with a mind to moving; we're planning another exploratory trip in the fall. We're also considering Seattle, but my husband's field of work seems to favor Los Angeles, which I actually like very much (weird for a Great Lakes girl, I know).

About us:

* He's a filmmaker (and British, been here almost 10 years)
* I'm a web designer (lived in MI & IL almost all my life)
* Both work freelance, from home
* Late 40's (not kids anymore, but we certainly ain't dead yet, either)

About what we want:

* Can afford up to $400k (maybe a bit less if it's a condo with fees)
* 2 bedrooms must, 3 would be better
* Don't need "good schools"
* We both like the idea of more urban, more dense, more cosmopolitan
* We understand that there will be more crime in a more urban area, but don't want someplace so rough that we'd be afraid to walk around in our own neighborhood. (We do know how to comport ourselves in a city and are not overly skittish; he lived in London, I lived in Wash DC & Chicago previously.)
* Things that would be nice to have nearby (less than 15 min walk): train/subway stop, major/frequent bus route, grocery (just milk/bread/eggs/beer is fine), bar, restaurant or two, coffee shop, library
* Liberal, creative, even artsy-fartsy neighbors would be nice
* Would like to live with just one car
* He's also a member of the camera operator's union and it would be good to be near-ish to where the bulk of that sort of work happens (wherever that is)
* I'm assuming we will rent for a little bit before buying

Can we get all that for $400K in LA or do we need to be able to go higher than that? And if we can do it, what neighborhoods would you recommend we look at? Or should we bail on LA and look at Seattle instead?

I just want to be myself again. I need to clean up the mess of the last few months.

xicana63 — Wed, 23 May 2012 18:31:44 GMT

Birth control filter : BC linked to risky/daring behavior?

I have only taken birth control (Safyral) for almost about a year now. During that time, I have been super aggressive, mean spirited, and to the point where I couldn't even stand myself. I've stopped taking it for this past month and I feel happier and much more relaxed. I can actually let things slide instead of getting hung up and pissed off with every little thing.

So my questions :
- YANMD but it's the BC causing this right? I mean I have no other explanation. But BC are hormones and hormones cause shifts in moods right?
- So I've made a lot of really bad decisions things I feel are totally against my nature (ie.. cheating, lying, manipulation). I know I ultimately made the decisions but could BC have played a part in it. I'm not looking to place blame on something as I have to live with my guilt but from a scientific/psychological standpoint is it possible BC caused me to make bad/risky/daring decisions that I normally would never make?

(okay the guilt is killing me.. and it would be nice to know that it isn't just me)

- I RARELY ever take medication, this BC was really the first medication I've actually taken regularly. Pills and such scare me. It scares me the effects it could have on me, so could all this just be in my head?

Please help translate this line (Spanish to English)

Sakura3210 — Wed, 23 May 2012 18:21:19 GMT

I'm in the process of translating a play, and am having a killer time with the second half of one line. I'm assuming it's because the language is artistic. Apologies for not including accent marks (can't figure out how to do them on my keyboard).

The line goes:

"Antes de nuestro ultimo sueno fue el tropel de su desbande."

My translation goes: before our final dream was the ? of their disbandment.

Every translation I find for tropel (mob, jumble) doesn't seem to fit the sentence. Or am I translating other words wrong?

Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks!

How can I develop a more stable, internally based sense of self-worth? Or how to stop feeling insecure?

jumelle — Wed, 23 May 2012 18:18:37 GMT

How can I develop a more stable, internally based sense of self-worth? Or how to stop feeling insecure?

I generally feel pretty good about myself, but that feeling is highly linked to my ability to perform well at school or at work. When I'm doing well at these tasks, I feel like I'm on the top of the world. It becomes very easy to function in work, hobbies and in social situations.

If something happens to me to suggest that I'm doing poorly, for some reason, I basically go comatose. I spent 3 days crying in bed after getting a poor review on one of my projects. I feel like I care too much.

I've been doing some research on how to build self-esteem, and I'm having a hard time finding anything that's applicable to me. I don't believe that I'm inherently better or worse than any other person, but I do believe that my "intrinsic value is a human being" is fundamentally worthless if I can't perform well, and stake a secure place for myself in the world. I feel like I have a difficult time conceptualizing or even understanding the idea of people being valuable just because they are human, since to the best of my knowledge and based on my past experiences, being human by itself has never guaranteed anyone anything. It doesn't matter how human you are- if you don't have the money to maintain yourself, or the talent, connections or skills necessary to acquire the money to maintain yourself, then your humanity essentially stops mattering to all other humans. So every time I mess up, I feel like I'm moments away from living in a ditch on the side of a road forever.

If for a few moments I wind up being able to convince myself that it's okay to make mistakes, it's not because I've really let go of the idea of achieving worth through accomplishment, it's because that I know that making mistakes will allow me to improve my skills, thus increasing my opportunity to achieve worth through accomplishment.

What steps can I take to stop feeling like I'm going to destroy myself if I can't keep up a good face? How do people think they're valuable just because they exist?

Advice for teaching English in Germany?

edguardo — Wed, 23 May 2012 18:04:40 GMT

I'm getting my CELTA in July in Germany, and I'd like to teach English there afterwards. Help me be a good applicant for teaching jobs and an attractive tutor for freelance work!

Relevant info about myself: I'm male, 25 years old, and have a BA in Philosophy with a minor in German Studies. I speak German fluently and studied abroad there in 2007-2008. I've never taught classes before, but I'm not scared to speak in front of a group or classroom.

I'll be doing my CELTA in Hamburg during July, but after that I'll be moving to Baden-Wurttemburg for at least a few months. I'll be based in Heidelberg starting out (I know the city and a few people there), but I'm ultimately willing to move just about anywhere in Germany.

Questions:

How can I make myself most attractive as an applicant for teaching positions at businesses or educational institutions?

To what kind of places should I apply?

Where can I work with a CELTA?

What should I wear to interviews? In the classroom?

What should I emphasize on any applications?

How can I make myself attractive as a freelance tutor?

Where should I advertise?

What else should I know but haven't asked about?

Vielen Dank!

I have a tricky situation involving a past acquaintance that I'd like to get some opinions on

starpoint — Wed, 23 May 2012 17:51:36 GMT

I have a tricky situation involving a past acquaintance that I'd like to get some opinions on.

In my case, an acquaintance from school I knew years back is trying to contact me, saying he might move to my area, and I'd rather not get back in touch. When I knew him, he was very negative and was not pleasant company. I had pulled away from him, and it's been a few years since I saw him last. There's a chance he's changed, but I highly doubt that. It's a risk I don't want to take.

We had been in occasional "how are you" email contact, and I was OK emailing him knowing he was far away. Plus, he can come across as upbeat and friendly in emails, but in person it's a different story. It's been more than 5 months since I last emailed him. I haven't responded to the recent message he sent me about moving to my area, and now he's trying to contact me on some social sites. I feel horrible about not responding, but I really don't want to get involved with him again. In the past, he spent a lot of time complaining, making negative comments, acting angry (to the point of it being scary), and so on. I spent a TON of time stressing about him when we were in school, and I don't need that right now.

From his perspective though, it might seem like I'm suddenly blowing him off. Our last emails (even though it was 5 months ago) were friendly after all.

My main conflict is that my gut is telling me to stay away, but my conscience is saying it's terrible to ignore folks.

Anyhow, does anyone have any suggestions or ideas? What would you do in this situation?

Arab Spring for beginners

geryon — Wed, 23 May 2012 17:20:30 GMT

Help me understand the Arab Spring.

Now that some time has passed since this question, I am hoping that perhaps there have been some more articles or books that help explain and examine the events of the Arab Spring.

I have seen this but I am looking for something with a little bit more analysis.

Has anyone found any well-written examinations of the causes and events? I am particularly interested in Egypt, but a wider-focus would be interesting. Who are the trusted voices and who should I avoid?

How to clean wood before restoration

shipbreaker — Wed, 23 May 2012 17:16:34 GMT

What is the best way to clean wood furniture BEFORE applying the Tung Oil?

I want to wash a piece of wood furniture as best I can, before applying some Tung Oil to make it nice and shiny. Do I use Murphy's Oil Soap, ordinary soap, no soap at all? Do I rinse it in water for a day, first? Do I make it as dry as I possibly can, before applying the Tung Oil?

http://ask.metafilter.com/192266/Ultimate-Guide-to-Furniture-Restoration

There's no place like localhost... please help me get back there...

sodium lights the horizon — Wed, 23 May 2012 17:12:21 GMT

Just installed Apache on a new machine, and now any calls to localhost goes to one of my VirtualServers instead of the docroot. Help!

I've read a dozen promising looking posts on various sites, but none of them seem to touch my problem...

I have a dev machine here (win7 / apache 2.2.21) which is supposed to be serving three things - localhost, site1.dev and site2.dev . No matter what I do, any attempt to browse the url http://localhost is serving me site1.dev instead.

Here's what looks like the relevant bits of my httpd.conf (irrelevant bits snipped ([...]).

[...]

Listen *:80

[...]

ServerName localhost:80
DocumentRoot "W:/wamp/www/"
<Directory "W:/wamp/www/">
   Options Indexes FollowSymLinks
   AllowOverride all
# onlineoffline tag - don't remove
   Order Deny,Allow
   Deny from all
   Allow from 127.0.0.1
</Directory>

[...]

NameVirtualHost *:80

<virtualHost *:80>
   ServerName site1.dev
   DocumentRoot "W:\wamp\www\site1"
</VirtualHost>

<virtualHost *:80>
   ServerName site2.dev
   DocumentRoot "W:\wamp\www\site2"
</VirtualHost>

Any suggestions as to what I'm getting wrong?

Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego?

crayon — Wed, 23 May 2012 17:02:41 GMT

Where was this circa 1970's photo taken?

Asking for someone else, thanks for any suggestions.

What should we do in the Catskills?

Viola — Wed, 23 May 2012 16:56:38 GMT

What is there to do in the Catskills, particularly near Boiceville/Phoenicia/Haines Falls/anywhere else in Ulster County?

My husband and I are attending a wedding in Boiceville, NY in June. We've never been upstate. He's probably more nature-oriented than I am, but I'm cursed with being a magnet for mosquitos, which is why I rarely leave the confines of NYC for the great outdoors.

But! Maybe it'll be nice to see some form of fauna other than subway rats and dogs in sweaters. Are there lakes or other natural recreational activities to enjoy? What places nearby should we check out? I am not a huge fan of hiking, but if it's truly breathtaking I may change my mind.

Also, are there any pretty towns to explore? Restaurants to visit?

We're arriving on a Friday evening and driving back Sunday afternoon. The wedding will start at 4PM that Saturday. We'll be staying at the Twilight Lodge in Haines Falls.

Aoutomated check systems endorsement query

readery — Wed, 23 May 2012 16:25:36 GMT

When check deposits are processing internally, instead of being physically deposited at the bank, what are the endorsement requirements? Do they always need to have an endorsement stamp? Is there a requirement for the OCR processing to print coding info on each check?

More and more places are depositing checks internally with OCR processing and i wonder if the old rules apply that for a check to become negotiated an endorsement is required. I'm seeing checks that have no markings for negotiation. Is this considered OK? Or are the places that process checks without endorsing missing a step that can create issues?

weird indescribable medical condition

anonymous_account — Wed, 23 May 2012 16:13:19 GMT

You are not my doctor, but I have an intermittent neurological(?) condition that is very hard to describe, and I'd like to get some responses so that I can better describe what I'm feeling to a doctor.

Occasionally, I just feel "strange". When I'm having this sensation, everything feels slightly different. It's like a slight over-sensitivity on my skin, esp. my hands, face, and scalp. Also, minor aches and pains, like in my joints and knuckles, are amplified. It's almost like I'm having a mild LSD/psilocybin/weed flashback or something. Have any of you ever experienced this, heard of it, or do you know someone who has? Thanks!

There's more TV options than channels...

DoubleLune — Wed, 23 May 2012 16:12:37 GMT

All I want is a TV... why are there so many choices? I'm moving to a studio in a week (YAY!) and don't own a TV. I've gone browsing a couple times recently, and am so overwhelmed by the options and price differences that I just don't know where to start, or even the price range I should be looking at (cheaper the better, but how cheap is too cheap?). How can I sort through all the info and find the right TV for me?

SETUP: My studio is rather large, with a set off kitchen and "bedroom," and I'm planning on having a dedicated "living room" area (along with separate spaces for dining and study). I will probably have a couch with an armchair, and a short stand for the TV.

SIZE: What the hell size should I be looking at? Best Buy has 32" screens for $199, so this seems like a good deal, but should I get a bigger one if I can? This is mainly for watching TV and hooking up my MacBook Air as an external monitor for streaming Netflix. (Also, generally I like things big...)

BRANDS: Are there brands that are better? Ones to avoid?

PRICE: I'd like to keep this as cheap as possible, but I am willing to go up to maybe $400. I am a firm believer in "you get what you pay for," so if I go cheap, I want to get a good TV. Or is that just not the case in TV world?

OPTIONS: LCD? LED? Plasma? What's the difference and what's the point? Does it matter? Is it relevant if I plan on getting HD or not (which I'm not totally sold on)?

DEALS: Where should I be looking for the best deals? I've gone to BestBuy just because I was in the area, but is there another place I should be looking for a better deal? Also I have a voucher to hhgregg to buy a product at factory price, so perhaps that's the place to go?

Know any trailers that spoil the film?

msali — Wed, 23 May 2012 16:07:35 GMT

Speculation abound that the new Dark Knight Rises trailer actually contains plot spoilers. Can anyone think of other movie trailers that actually give away the movie ending? Clearly this doesn't apply to movies that were books first.

How do I start an ebook publisher?

mekanic — Wed, 23 May 2012 15:36:39 GMT

I'd like to start an ebook publisher. Do I need to incorporate? Is there some other official...designation...I should be seeking?

I'm gathering the response will be: Ask a lawyer. But I thought I'd see if anyone on here has any info they can share. Thanks.

How do you make design decisions in a team with a flat hierarchy?

jfricke — Wed, 23 May 2012 15:31:03 GMT

How do you make design decisions in a team with a flat hierarchy?

I work for a small NGO. We are a very small team with a very flat hierarchy. Decisions are almost always made by consensus and with the participation of almost all employees. Currently we are revising our "corporate design" together with a graphic designer. However, the members of our team have all very different ideas about what the future design should look like. And it seems like we could discuss about this issue forever because it is a lot about personal taste. In corporations there is probably a CEO who makes these kind of decisions. We don't have anything like this and don't want to introduce one.

I can imagine there are similiar problems in other corporations / organizations. I would like to know how you make design decisions at your work place. Do you have any best practice advice?

Entertaining your folks in Portland, Oregon!

dargerpartridge — Wed, 23 May 2012 15:27:24 GMT

How should I entertain my midwestern mother as she visits me in Portland for the first time?

After living in Portland, Oregon for almost 5 years now, my parents from Iowa are finally coming to visit me, well my mother at least. Off the bat I can already think of a million things to do that she will like: ie. Powell's, Rose Garden, Multnomah Falls, Breakfast restaurants, etc. I'm still trying to think of some new things she might like though. For the most part her and I share similar tastes in entertainment, although I'd say after living here for so long I've become more acclimated to grungier venues (the VooDoo Doughnuts downtown, bars and such.) She is pretty open minded to new experiences, but I'm hoping to take her to some quirky and innovative venues while avoiding the overbearing hipster/homeless people/scumbag population that exists in Portland. Reason being I'm wanting to show her how neat of a city this actually is, not try and depress her with our social drama.

Can you guys think of some places I may not have thought of yet for entertaining my mother?

Thanks in advance!

Need source for "When not to cut" quote?

roofus — Wed, 23 May 2012 15:14:20 GMT

I need a reputable source for the surgical maxim that suggests that a good surgeon knows when not to cut.

I have quoted it for an article as from Halsted:

'The only difference between a good surgeon and a bad surgeon is that the good surgeon knows when not to cut.'

But I cannot find a reliable original source for that attribution or wording, and more commonly online it seems to be an anonymous aphorism:

"an average surgeon knows how to cut and a good surgeon knows when to cut and better surgeon knows when not to cut."

I am now unsure whether it's really Halsted, and unsure whether there is a definitive wording for an often repeated maxim.

Unlovable and unworthy

3491again — Wed, 23 May 2012 15:07:38 GMT

How do you cope with feeling unlovable? What do you do (or undo) to feel lovable?

My boyfriend and I recently hit a rough patch. He hasn't been considering my feelings or compromising with me. We've talked about it a lot and never came to any resolution. I'm starting to panic that this relationship is over and to feel increasingly desperate. He keeps reassuring me that he loves me and that we'll work it out but I still feel uncomfortable because I don't think he's as empathetic or caring as I need, and he refuses to compromise on some issues that I think are pretty basic.

But.

The issue is not as much about him as about me. When I have a conflict with a loved one, I get so anxious that I am unable to function. I start to berate myself and to feel inadequate, unworthy, and unlovable. These thoughts and feelings are so intense as to be nearly unmanageable.

I know, I know. I'm in THERAPY, but I feel like I've been over and over my childhood a million times and I understand how all of the crappy things I experienced affected me. I've done cognitive-behavioral therapy and I know that there are other perspectives, not to catastrophize, etc. I'm not thinking that the world will end.

I'm thinking that he won't love me, and that it's because I'm unworthy of love. I've always been unlovable. Etc.

(It's hard to use cognitive therapy to disprove this, because my family is full of problems and it's a fact not an exaggeration that no one has ever really loved me. Many times when I desperately needed someone, no one at all was there. I survived (obviously), but I know very well what it's like to be suffering, and alone. So it's not a case of "Well, really, if you think about it, you are totally lovable!", because, well, that's never really happened.)

So my questions:
- How helpful is it for these issues to have someone really love you and care about you?
- What specifically did you do to work on the issue of feeling unlovable? (I'm in therapy already, so want more specific things that happened or how you worked through them.)

TL;DR: If you deal with the issue of feeling unlovable, what specifically has helped you? Did it help to be in a relationship with someone who really cared for you? If so, how?

Biochemistry major to aerospace engineer: is this possible?

escapist53211 — Wed, 23 May 2012 14:52:59 GMT

Recent biochemistry graduate wants to change direction and pursue engineering, specifically aerospace (but I'd settle for mechanical) engineering. Is this possible? And if so, how the heck do I plan to get from here to there, hopefully without bankrupting myself? I'll take any advice I can get.

I'm a 26-yr-old recent graduate who, after years of indecisiveness, finally has a solid idea of what I'd like to be doing for the next 10+ years: aerospace engineering. The wrinkle, however, is that I am two years out from graduation with degrees in biochemistry (BS) and Spanish and >$40k of debt. To further complicate things, I am currently working as an EFL teacher outside the US, so I don't really have the opportunity to research and do informational interviews as I would at home.

I ended up majoring in biochemistry because I liked those classes in high school and I enjoy(ed) a good intellectual and technical challenge. But after graduation, I spent a year working in a research lab (read: master pipetter and cell culture keeper) as a technician only to realize that I'm not really excited about any of my career options as a biochemist. I did do a couple of summer research stints as an undergrad in molecular biology and materials science/nanotechnology. I enjoyed the buzz of novelty and the rush that comes with learning new information and applying it to find answers to interesting questions, but the subject material didn't capture my interest.

What does capture my interest are planes and spaceships. As a kid I loved LEGO, and pretty much the only thing I built (and still build today) were models that fly through space or the air. I started working on my private pilot's license while in high school, but I had to quit because it was too expensive of a hobby to maintain. I get really excited at the prospect of being part of a team that designs the next generation of spacecraft that will explore the solar system or that designs a viable supersonic commercial airliner.

I'm an INTP/J, and finding unique innovative solutions to problems is pretty much the way my brain works. I'm not afraid of math and enjoy mastering computation methods in order to add them to my toolbox. I did pretty well in school (3.8/4.0 GPA), so I'm not too worried that I wouldn't be able to at least pass engineering classes. (overconfident?)

The problem is that I have no idea how to get to studying/working in aerospace/mechanical engineering from where I currently am. Since I already have tons of debt from undergrad, I'm not sure that a second batchelor's is in my best financial interest. Should I be planning to grab a master's in engineering and take some of the missing prereqs on the way? I know that BU has a pretty cool LEAP program (redundant, I know) that is meant to be a bridge to engineering for those that come from non-engineering backgrounds, but it's a pretty spendy program.

Should I find a job working in a research lab at a decent engineering school and take classes part-time? Can I even do that as a biochem major? Should I aim crazy high and apply for a critical skills master's program at Sandia Nat'l Labs to get my foot in the engineering door? Am I crazy to think any of this is even possible, especially without going even deeper into debt? Any wisdom from the hive mind would be greatly appreciated.

A Painful Triangle

chaoscutie — Wed, 23 May 2012 14:42:43 GMT

How to handle my husband's "friendship" with a woman half his age? I am upset about it, and he refuses to give it up. Snowflake details inside:

My husband is 60--she is 30. She was originally a waitress at the bar that sponsors his softball team. He is absolutely not having a sexual affair with her, but I am still threatened by and unhappy with this relationship.

About 6 or 7 years ago he went to Vegas with some of his softball buddies. I found out by accident that this young woman and her friend went along as well. He had not disclosed this to me. My husband ended up taking her to the emergency room when she cut her foot. At that time, I confronted my husband about the secrecy, why he never told me about it--about the inappropriateness of this relationship, and the fact that she was our daughter's age. He had few answers. At the time, I asked him to discontinue the relationship. He has refused, stating that I have no reason to be upset as it is not an affair. Nonetheless, the secrecy and her needs of him have disturbed me.

My husband is a divorce lawyer and has helped this young woman many times with her former husband's divorce. She has since become a paralegal, and calls him for help and legal questions. Recently she called and borrowed money when she ran into difficulty. I only found out about it after the fact.

They have frequently had lunch together. She calls him whenever she is in need. He has told me that he thinks she may be bipolar and that she calls him more frequently when she is feeling manic.

When I expressed how distressed and upset I was by this relationship and asked him what he was getting out of it, he said that of course he was flattered by the attentions of a young and attractive woman, and that he felt like a "white knight" when he rescued her. I told him that I thought this was an indication that our relationship was troubled and that he was getting needs met outside the relationship and that perhaps we should take a look at that.

My husband has recently gone to therapy, and his therapist tells him that so long as he is completely transparent with me, rather than hiding the relationship, there is no problem with it. I, however, feel completely distressed by it. This evening he told me that in the interest of transparency, he wanted me to know that she had called to invite him out to a birthday lunch to give him a present. I let him know how upset I was by it, and he told me I had no reason to be upset. I feel that his stubborn persistence in keeping this "friendship" is really affecting how I feel about him. I have asked him to go to couples therapy to talk about this, and he has declined.

I'm not really interested in hearing that I need to just get over my jealousy or whatever it is. My feelings are my feelings. I would like some advice about how to communicate more effectively to him my hurt and distrust about this situation.

Summer Vacation Filter: Pagosa Springs Edition!

PaulaSchultz — Wed, 23 May 2012 14:34:26 GMT

Summer Vacation Filter: Pagosa Springs Edition! BF and I will be staying in Pagosa Springs during the first full week of June and have never been to the area before. Any tips or recommendations for activities to make our trip great?

We will have a rental car and we already have tickets for the Durango-Silverton train ride and I definitely want to do the hot springs. We are fairly fit and like to be outside (but are city mice in real life), and would like to get the most bang for what little buck we have. Is it worth driving down to Santa Fe for a day? Driving up north into the State Parks? I've seen previous threads about driving through the area but if I missed one for local activities please let me know. Any and all suggestions welcome, and thank you!

Do Family Members Have ANY Moral or Other Obligation to Help Send Family Members to College?

kinetic — Wed, 23 May 2012 14:33:39 GMT

What's a realistic expectation for family financial support for my kid going to college as it specifically applies to cosigning loans along with me?

Single parent with 2 kids in college in the fall. No financial support from their dad and their dad has no financial obligation for college. It's all on me.

After going through what my kids' schools offered for aid, it turns out my freshman daughter will need me (or any adult) to endorse a Direct Plus loan for around 40k. I applied and was denied (Fafsa has opened an investigative case to determine why because my credit record is 100% clean).

But in the meantime, my kid's college suggested she get another endorser.

Her dad is out of the question, so I asked my mom (who contributed $0 to my college...not even cosigning loans) as well as my sister if they'd be willing to endorse. I explained the situation, that as far as I can determine my kid can't go to #1 choice college if she doesn't get this loan, etc.

Both my mother and my sister flat out refused to help. My sister because some day she might want to buy a condo (she's been renting for about 22 years now, has no savings, but...) and she won't want this on her credit report, my mom because one day she may need to buy a car and is similarly concerned.

It is fair to say that my sister has not been auntlike for over 20 years to my three kids; doesn't hang out with us (or them), doesn't ask how they are...stuff like that, despite living down the street. Times when I've been really sick, she says she can't help us.

I'm working with the college to figure this out, so my question is more about family support and am I wrong to be disappointed with both my mom and my sister about their outright refusal to help my kid go to college?

alternative to or experiences with canine thoracotomy?

moonmilk — Wed, 23 May 2012 14:10:36 GMT

My dog (obligatory pictures) has a mass in his lung. The vet specialist explains that it could be an abscess, tumor, or lung lobe torsion, but regardless of which it is, it'll have to come out. His usual vet agrees. I trust the veterinarians, and I'll schedule surgery soon. Two questions: any alternatives I should consider? And have you had experience with small dog thoracotomy?

Excerpt from specialist's letter:

Samson presented to [specialist vet] today for a consultation with the Internal Medicine Service. He has a six month history of cough and a one week history of vomiting, that has improved with famotidine. There has been no improvement in the cough with antibiotics, and a minor improvement with Hydrocodone. A thoracic radiograph at [home vet] showed a right caudal lung lobe mass.

On presentation Samson was bright, alert, and in good body condition. During today's appointment we performed a thoracic ultrasound and repeat thoracic radiographs. The right caudal lung lobe mass was confirmed. Radiographs were submitted for a radiology consultation with [radiologist]. The thoracic sonogram showed a 4.6 by 4.7 cm mixed echogenic mass in the right caudal lung field. The current possiblities for this mass include abscess, neoplasia, or lung lobe torsion. We have recommended that you make an appointment with [surgeon] to discuss a thoracotomy to remove the mass.

Samson is 12 years old and otherwise in pretty good health. The vets I've asked have said that his age isn't a particular risk factor for the surgery.

How does the Buddhist understanding of enlightenment compare with the Western Age of Enlightenment?

jwhite1979 — Wed, 23 May 2012 13:56:57 GMT

How does the Buddhist understanding of enlightenment compare with the Western Age of Enlightenment? People who we might now call children of the Enlightenment--Chomsky, Hitchens, Dawkins, deGrasse Tyson, Pinker, and so on--have a way of relating to ethical questions that is very similar to the teachings of the Buddha. There is an understanding that human suffering is a problem to be overcome, and that it can be overcome through understanding things as they are and engaging productively in the physical world, rather than getting caught up in metaphysical abstractions which, stemming from delusion, greed, and aversion, prolong cycles of suffering.

I am sure this is a simplistic comparison, so that's why I am asking. Also, one is a stage in an individual's development, and the other is a stage in the culture's development. In what other ways are they similar, and in what ways to the concepts diverge? Have any great books been written on the subject?

Also, I know that Buddhist traditions have accumulated a lot of metaphysical baggage on their own. I don't mean to suggest that a belief in literal cycles of rebirth are analogous to the scientific method! :) So I guess that's a point of divergence.

Help Me Watch TV AND Work from Home

xingcat — Wed, 23 May 2012 13:53:47 GMT

Please recommend a monitor that will double as a TV, or a TV that will double as a monitor.

I have a small home office that I'm almost done putting together. I'd like to use it as a den/workspace equally. It's cozy (small), so I'd like to use a monitor as my TV, and vice versa.

It will ideally sit on my desk, so nothing too huge, but I want to see it from across the room (the office is about 10'X10', so "across the room" isn't that far, honestly). I have an HDTV cable box installed.

I work on a series of PC laptops, and often do graphic design and text stuff.

Is it my arthritis or doctor insanity?

UMDirector — Wed, 23 May 2012 13:46:21 GMT

YANAD - On tonight's episode - Back Pain, specialist claims it's osteoarthritis, but I am 37 and have absolutely zero history in my family (even extended) is he wrong? What else could it be? Minor snowstorm inside.

I have had some back pain before, but it always seemed to go away in a couple days to a week. Naturally I assumed it was muscle pain. So maybe a few times a year it hurt, especially if I was hunched over the computer for a bit.

Then my wife got pregnant, and eventually started snoring to the point where I couldn't sleep. I slept on the couch two nights and then ended up sleeping on the in progress nursery floor. Exactly about that time my back really started hurting badly- even when not hunched over. Mostly on one side. I also have some pain in my leg around my calf.

Went to Doctor. They gave me some scrip aleve and told me to wait. Things did not get better so went to specialist. He took x-rays (which I didn't see) and told me I had osteo in my back. The thing is he seemed just a little, well I can't think of any word but off. Normally this wouldn't bother me but just seems weird the whole thing would go from zero to 60 with no history in the family.

The only thing that has helped me feel better is a massage. I felt great for an entire day after that - leads me to think it is muscle or nerve related. He does not agree. He is an orthopeadist.

Should I get another opinion? What else might it be? Any suggestions on how to hurt less?

Can I water my lawn this way?

otto42 — Wed, 23 May 2012 13:43:19 GMT

A question about the lifting capacity of sponges, gravity, pvc tubing and whether my lawn can be irrigated.

The water table under my lawn is very high. That is, when I dig a hole for a fence post, at about the three foot mark, I hit water.

Please tell me if this is physically possible.

If I take a four foot length of PVC pipe that is 5 or so inches in diameter, fill the pipe with high quality sponges to the top, and then place the pipe vertically in the hole, with the top 12 inches sticking out of the hole, will the water seep out of the top of the pipe where it can be collected?

More technically, is a sponges lifting capacity eventually exceeded by the force of gravity?, and if so, is four feet to great of a distance for lifting capacity to exceed gravity?

Alternatively, suggest any other reasons this will not work.

Starting therapy... for three months?

Anonymous — Wed, 23 May 2012 13:33:29 GMT

Starting therapy... where to look? And the catch... I'm only here for the summer? Then what? More inside.

I'm a college student, recently went through a breakup, and, at this point, think talking to a professional would be in my best interest (for a variety of reasons). The problem is, my internship for the summer is on the opposite side of the country as school. Is it worth it to even start some kind of therapy here (Seattle area)? I'm not sure what the normal lead times for getting appointments and such are. And I'm not sure if it would be a good idea to get used to a therapist here for a a couple months then have to find a new one at school.

Another question, I'm a dependent on my parent's plan. Is this something that I can do without their knowledge initially? I would be paying the copays, but I'm assuming they'd be notified/receive some kind of bill. Not doing it via insurance is almost certainly worlds out of my price range.

Throwaway email is throwawaymeta@hotmail.com. Thank you for your help.

Can unclaimed assets be legit if they don't show up in a state-run site?

neilkod — Wed, 23 May 2012 13:20:56 GMT

I received a letter from a shady-sounding Legal Claimant Services, a 'division of Keane' claiming that my recently-deceased father has some assets in a Georgia bank. Of course, for a fee, they would help me recover the assets. Immediately, I performed an unclaimed property search in Georgia; the search yielded no results. Since I didn't see any unclaimed property in Georgia, I disregarded the letter...

My brother received the same letter and decided to look into it. He told me that both his attorney and accountant both think its legitimate. He then contacted Legal Claimant Services and found out that my father does in fact have some money in a Georgia account and they would help us recover it. For a whopping thirty percent!

He wants to go forward with their offer because it's 'found money'. As a skeptic, I told him that I'd look a little more closely to determine whether or not this is legitimate.

From what I understand, a third-party is never necessary to collect unclaimed property.

How legitimate is this? I assumed companies like 'Legal Claimant Services' simply screen-scrape the state-run unclaimed property sites and then mass-mail people, trying to capitalize off off people who don't realize that legitimate unclaimed property can be claimed at no cost.

Since this doesn't seem to be the case, how does this company know that I potentially have unclaimed assets to claim? Are there other(read: less expensive) means of retrieving these assets?

I called the Georgia Department of Revenue to ask the same; they had no record that match either my Father's name nor his SSN.

My father did live in Georgia for a few years. He primarily lived (and died) in Florida.

Wordpress Twitter Tools replacement

tommasz — Wed, 23 May 2012 13:17:35 GMT

I've been using Twitter Tools on my Wordpress blog for a while now but it's not working the way I want. I tried using the newer beta version but that doesn't actually work at all. There's like a million Twitter-related plugins for Wordpress but which one(s) does what I want? Details within.

I'm running v3.3.2 of Wordpress. Twitter Tools v2.4 works, but won't include the hashtag when I use the "Press This" bookmarklet. If I want to include or change a hashtag, I have to go into the Admin interface. It looked like the Twitter Tools beta would allow me to add a hashtag (or any other random text) but it didn't actually work at all, unfortunately. All I want to do is have Wordpress send a tweet when I post, I'm not really interested in creating posts from tweets or anything similar.

What would be ideal is the ability to have a per-post hashtag field on the bookmarklet along with the default (as well as have the default included). The sidebar widget of Twitter Tools is nice but I can easily do that in other ways. Is there something that does this buried in the Plugin Directory, or am I stuck with Twitter Tools?

Do cars really go 10,000 miles between oil changes these days?

COD — Wed, 23 May 2012 12:44:51 GMT

We bought our first new car of the millennium back in March, and it came with free oil changes for life. Since it hit 5000 miles this week, my wife stopped by the dealership for an oil change / tire rotation. They are telling her that the car (2011 Corolla) only needs an oil change every 10,000 miles because they are using synthetic oil. I religiously change the oil in my cars every 5000 miles, and the idea of going 10,000 miles makes me nervous. Should it make me nervous?

Cut the big blue marble in half...

drlith — Wed, 23 May 2012 12:37:37 GMT

What would happen to the earth's rotation, orbit, etc. if the planet were half as large, diameter-wise, as it is now?

My daughter wants to know what would happen to the planetary motion of the earth if it were suddenly to shrink down to half its current size (further questioning reveals she is thinking about it being roughly half as large in terms of diameter). Would its axial rotation speed up? How would its solar orbit be affected? Would it heat up?

Signed,
I'm a SOCIAL scientist, dammit.

Finding a roommate: beyond Craigslist edition

catatethebird — Wed, 23 May 2012 12:21:22 GMT

Where/how to find a good roommate?

I'm looking for a roommate for July 1st, so I've been posting ads on Craigslist for the last few weeks. I've gotten an okay number of responses, and a lot of scammers, resulting in five people coming to see the place, and one being seriously interested. But.... I haven't really connected with any of the people I've met or emailed, leaving me wondering, isn't there a better way?

All of my friends/family have stable living situations, so someone I know isn't an option. How else can I find a good roommate? Someone who has at least a little in common with me (younger, liberal, artsy/weird, relaxed?)

So I guess I'm asking, are there other sites I can post on, other ways to find potential roommates, any strategies I'm overlooking? I'd prefer not to spend money for an ad. I also don't think trying to meet people/make new friends is a viable suggestion here. I have a little over a month to find someone who can make a committment to move in. What are your brilliant suggestions?

Complicating factor: The house is a mess. My current rommates' clutter is everywhere, and things are arranged in and ugly and impractical way. I try to clean up before I show it to anyone, but my current roommates aren't moving out until June 30th. Which obviously doesn't give me a chance to show the house as it is going to be, without their crap everywhere. I explain that most of the stuff isn't mine, and that it's going to be completely redecorated, but I think the way it looks now is what makes an impression.

This is in Milwaukee if it matters.

How should I deal with team friction?

pxharder — Wed, 23 May 2012 12:09:04 GMT

There is friction building within a team. Is it time to shuffle the team?

I have a small manufacturing company. Our staff is almost exclusively female.

One of my teams is made up of staff who have been with the company a while. I put a younger staff member in charge as a team lead. She has done an excellent job but lately there seems to be friction between the more senior workers and the lead.

Also, this team is isolated in a room from other staff, coming out on during breaks.

What's my next step to deal with before it escolates? I am thinking of rotating the folks on this team out and on to other teams. Any other ideas?

Summer Activities for College Student

Anonymous — Wed, 23 May 2012 11:58:48 GMT

What are some ways a guy who just finished his first year of college and is home in New York City for the "summer" ("summer" = 3 months + 10 days) might expand his social life?

This individual has just a few friends from high school who are around this summer. His college friends seem to be elsewhere (most are not from NYC anyway). He has no particular plans for organized activities and has not found a summer job (not surprising given the economy).

His interests: music (he plays guitar); volunteering at an animal rescue (helps with adoption fairs - the only other people there are the couple who run the organization); speaking and reading Spanish. (He might like the opportunity to speak Spanish with native speakers (although he definitely doesn't want to take any actual courses during the summer. To that end, are there any volunteer organizations where he might speak English to immigrants (maybe newly arrived students?) and vice versa?)

One idea on the table is volunteering for Obama or another political candidate. Is it possible to actually socialize with others involved in canvassing-type activities?

Any other activities that would involve other college-age people without actually being in school?

All suggestions welcome.

Who knows what I did last summer?

Anonymous — Wed, 23 May 2012 11:58:20 GMT

How can I do a thorough background check on myself? What can be found out about me, by fair means or foul, for free and for a price?

If someone wanted to dig up the dirt on me online how would they go about it? What services exist to find out info about someone that are worthwhile? Do web ad networks ever sell personal data about individual people's browsing habits and online activity? Are there any services which will compile the known info on someone for a fee? Also I'd like to know how to address any violations of my privacy that might exist.

I'm asking anonymously because I don't want someone prying into my life wondering what I'm trying to hide in asking this question. My secrets are not so deep or so dark, but they're mine and I sometimes wonder if any are known.

I'm feeling paranoid and I'd just like to know what someone who is competent in digging up the dirt on someone would dig up on me.

Help me discover how accurate iTunes Top 25 is and/or how to make it more on point

jitterbug perfume — Wed, 23 May 2012 11:38:26 GMT

How accurate is iTunes Top 25 most played and can I make it any moreso?

I'm not going to lie and pretend this is for a science experience, I'm just very curious about my own listening habits and whether or not they are being documented accurately. I assume iTunes takes what is listened to on the iPod into consideration as well? And does the iPod's list take both devices' listening into account (as opposed to simply making a playlist that's a copy of the computer'smost played songs)? If not, this entire thing is fairly irrelevant. If so, how come usually when I sync my iPod, the Top 25 don't change? When DO they change, in other words update to the most current relevant information? Do I have to restart the computer? Is it biweekly? Is it while I sleep :)? If I've been listening to the iPod nonstop for a week, you'd think the numbers would change some and update, right? Or wrong?

The other thing I think is that it might mess with the numbers and make them inaccurate if it only counts the song as "listened to" if you listen all the way through to the next track, as many people, myself included, will skip around to other tracks in the final fading seconds of their current song.

I guess those are my two main issues - are they correct? And if so, is there anything I can do about it to make it more accurate or to make it update itself? I would try my best not to skip any tracks as the last 3 or 4 seconds fade out but I don't want to alter my behavior for the purposes of data collection, even if it does make it more accurate, it feels wrong.

Bonus question: Why do I have one Top 25 Most Played playlist with 25 tracks in it and another one with the same Top 25 but 25 more in addition, so Top 50 but still called Top 25?

Help me make the most out of my Android Tablet

Cogentesque — Wed, 23 May 2012 11:24:08 GMT

Help me make the most out of my Android Tablet

So I took the plunge and bought a second hand Asus Eee Pad Transformer (with the doc) to share between my girlfriend and I.

Mainly I bought it to have a bigger screen and to be a bit more powerful when simply browsing the web than our Android Mobile Phones (Samsung Galaxy S2).

It will be used around my wifi'd house and while watching TV.

I love games, I love boardgames, we like cooking, my girlfriend is keen on gardening, I love interesting apps, I am happy to start "getting involved" with absolutely anything!

Help me justify the money I spent on this thing!

What are some great reasons for owning an Android Tablet?

Online ivory tinkling.

lovedbymarylane — Wed, 23 May 2012 10:40:28 GMT

Direct me to the best online piano lessons for someone who already has decent theory knowledge!

I'm a singer with half a music degree behind me, so I'm able to read music well - I just struggle with the hand-eye coordination required to play piano, and I'd love to get better! Ideally, I'd find a website that has sheet music for songs that slowly increase in difficulty, and skips out on the whole 'what is a crotchet?' part. Preferably targeted at adults (but beggars can't be choosers) and preferably free. Does anything like this exist? Thank you!

How were car emblems designed?

Typographica — Wed, 23 May 2012 09:39:51 GMT

My focus is mainly on the chrome badges that labeled models of the 1940s–'70s, as celebrated at Chromeography. Who was generally responsible for designing the emblem? Were they from inside the car company? Did they have lettering experience or were they more often car designers who were handed the job because there was no one better available? Has the situation changed much since then?

I've seen this Neatorama post with some short histories of car logos, I'm most interested in the model badges that changed more often.