Dear Louisville: Well, boy, are you opening a can of chutney-infused worms right there. I’m gonna take the high road and ignore all of the stereotypes that your question hints at – the British have bad teeth, their music hasn’t evolved significantly since the 1970s, they started World War II when they invaded Poland.

Those are all incontrovertible facts, but I’m going to leave them be at this time and instead focus on the real answer to your question: We are envious of their cuisine.

British food is synonymous with flavor, style, cutting-edge technique, and the use of the freshest and most appealing ingredients available. French chefs routinely make trips to London to sample the latest innovations in pub fare, taking notes under the table and bringing them back to their bistros where they attempt (in vain, usually) to replicate the magic.

How could we not be resentful of all that?

Dear Mike: VERY CAREFULLY! BWWWWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

No, seriously, what’s wrong with you? Did you skip middle school biology? Ordinarily I don’t like to call people out for asking dumb questions, but this one takes the camel-shaped cake! Every person over the age of 10 knows that camels reproduce asexually by dividing into two every seven years. (Take my advice: don’t go on Jeopardy. Waste of your time, bright boy.)

But even though you may not be a source of light, at least you reflect it, because you’ve given me a great idea. Camel-shaped cakes! This would be the most popular thing at any kid’s birthday party ever. It could be a beige cake with peanut butter frosting, and I would eat the hell out of it.

Dear Seattle: Let me answer the first part of your question first: Forty bucks, same as in town.

Now, the bottle caps thing. I know, I know. Dogs LOVE Bottle Caps. Mine will eat them right out of the palm of my hand. They prefer the red and green ones – they always leave the orange ones for me, even though they’re all covered with slobber by the time I get them. They also really love Nerds and those chewy Spree things.

Dear Georgia: You’re right, there is a ton of buzz surrounding it – and rightfully so!

“Wolfram: Alpha” is the upcoming prequel to the recent movie “Wolverine,” and it’s gonna be the definitive origin story of the Marvel superhero. It’s currently being produced by Michael Bay.

SPOILER ALERT! I’ve seen an early draft of the script, and hardcore Wolverine fans are not gonna like it. Turns out James Howlett, later dubbed Logan, was born Jamie Howlett – a girl. She had a gender-change surgery at age 18 which went horribly wrong, and that’s why his/her bones are all metal and stuff. He over-compensates later in life by wearing a fake beard.

Told you you weren’t gonna like it! There’s also time travel, but none of that gets resolved until “Wolfram: Beta,” which is tentatively scheduled for 2012.

Dear Cincinnati: What’s the difference? All the difference in the world! Namely, German potato salad doesn’t use potatoes, but rather a colorful mixture of diced radish, rutabaga, slivered almonds and dish detergent.

The confusion no doubt stems from the mistranslation of the German word “potaten,” which literally means “please do not eat this” but was misread by 18th-century cookbook author Carl “Fuzzy Dice” Hopkins as “potatoes.” Not so much a translation, really, as a misspelling. A tragic one, at that, because it introduced this dish into mainstream awareness.

Bonus fact: Fuzzy Dice Hopkins was later the name of a blues singer who recorded three singles for the Chess Records label. Only one of them, “Gonna eat my baby’s potato salad,” was at all successful, and not very at that. Astonishingly, both the choice of his name and subject matter appear to be a coincidence, as he had no knowledge of his namesake.