Approach Avoidance aka self sabotage

2011-08-16T15:20:00.002-04:00

Self Destructive Behavior usually comes from Abandonment issues

Abandonment issues are also Codependency Issues.

Those of us who have recurring behavior patterns were we agree to a course of action and it turns out later that we should have known better... at the time we didn't see our choice as having a negative side effect.

There are several extremely good books on codpendency recovery, for myself, being a Type A personality, I prefer Codependency Workbooks, especially those from renowned counselor Pia Melody

This site is for informational purposes only: Disclaimer: if you are in crisis contact a local to you hotline and/ or seek professional psychiatric help

Passive Aggressive or... Don't Make Me Hurt You

2011-04-03T12:48:00.001-04:00

Sabotage is...

Part of you doesn't want an other part of you do/be/get or have something.

it's like describing a ship by the wake it leaves as it travels thru the water, and you can't see the ship, it's there all right, the evidence of just how big it really is is plain to see, the "xhip" itself is obscured.

The end result of this inner conflict is part of you is engaging in Passive-Aggressive behavior, with YOU

Passive-aggressive personality disorder

Passive-aggressive personality disorder is a long-term (chronic) condition in which a person seems to actively comply with the desires and needs of others, but actually passively resists them. In the process, the person becomes...

Causes - Symptoms - Tests - Treatment - Prognosis - Complications

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Passive–aggressive behavior - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Passive–aggressive personality disorder was listed as an Axis II personality disorder in the DSM-III-R, but was moved in the DSM-IV to Appendix B ("Criteria ...

Obstructionism - Learned helplessness - Chaos - Counterproductive work behavior

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive–aggressive_behavior - Similar

Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder | Peace and Healing

What are the causes of Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder? This disorder is clearly harbored in early and middle childhood; observing very ...
www.peaceandhealing.com › Psychology › Personality Disorders

Passive-Aggressive Traits...

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER. People with PAPD are characterized by covert obstructionism, procrastination, stubbornness, and inefficiency. ...
passiveaggressive.homestead.com/PATraits.html - Similar

This site is for informational purposes only:
Disclaimer: if you are in crisis contact a local to you hotline and/ or seek professional psychiatric help

Fear of Success

2009-12-23T07:10:00.000-05:00

Approach Avoidance is a behavior pattern where part of you doesn't want the rest of you to succeed at X.

Most of the time you are unaware of the pattern, more than likely you are unaware that you even have an internal part of you that wants something other than what "you" want.

Part of you is looking at another part of you... with contempt.

and you didn't even know you had another part of you...

more coming... I've got more work than I can do right now, am a victim of my own success:

and I've got Dr Robert Anthony and Anthony Robbins assistance to thank for that.

Change your handwriting Change your emotions

2009-04-30T19:50:00.000-04:00

By Mary Kearl

How you write your letters -- dark, small, large, curved or angled -- can give insight into your personality and innermost thoughts, says Michelle Dresbold, handwriting analyst and author of "Sex, Lies, and Handwriting: A Top Expert Reveals the Secrets Hidden in Your Handwriting." Read through the photo gallery below to learn about what writing traits reveal about the person behind the pen. Note you'll need to disable your pop-up blocker to view the slide show.

By Mary Kearl

If You Don't Do This You Have No Follow-Through

Have No Follow-Through

"Somebody who crosses their 't' halfway doesn't follow through in life. He starts something, but doesn't finish it. But if he crosses his 't,' he's completing it. That physical act will translate into other areas of his life over time, which is just a small example of how you can change traits in your writing to be better in life," says Dresbold.

Signature vs. Handwriting

"You write your signature for other people. Your signature is how you want to portray yourself to the world, while the rest of your writing displays how you really are. If your signature is very different from the rest of your handwriting, what you show to the public is not necessarily what you feel inside. You can have one image for the world and another image of yourself internally," says Dresbold.

Recognize These Signatures? From top to bottom, they belong to Charles Manson (notice the swastika), Liberace (there is a piano in that scrawl) and Beatle Ringo Starr (notice the star within the Starr)

Detect Lying in Writing

"If you speak the truth, you don't have to think much about it," Dresbold explains. "When you lie, you hesitate, because lying takes extra thinking. In writing in which someone is lying, there will either be a gap, the words will tighten up (as a person who's lying tenses up) or they will move out of alignment. If you practice noticing this, you can really tell when someone is lying."

Which Note-Writer Do You Think Is Lying?

If you thought John was lying, you're right. Notice the spacing and change in writing style between "I got" and "a flat tire."

Are You Obsessed With Sex?

"There are different things that can show obsession. People like Michael Jackson have phallic symbols in their handwriting. Usually that means an obsession with sex. Lower loops can represent the emphasis people put into physical action below the waist. These symbols could also appear in your writing if you're thinking about sex more than you usually do," according to Dresbold.

Can you spot the "sexual symbol" in these signatures?

Messy vs. Neat Handwriting

"Messy handwriting can be a good thing. You could be very bright and very creative, but messy handwriting could mean you're thinking quickly because your brain is moving very fast. Perfectly neat handwriting is not necessarily a good thing. If someone's handwriting is too neat, they may not be able to be spontaneous," says Dresbold.

The messy scratchings in the top sample belong to none other than poetic songwriter John Lennon.

The Ideal Handwriting

"Extra-round-looking handwriting indicates when someone is almost too young and relaxed, or too easy-going. Ideally we want a combination of curved and angled handwriting, at least for an adult," Dresbold says.

Israel's fourth prime minister, Golda Meir's autograph embodies this balance.

If Your Periods Look Like This, You're Stuck in a Rut

"If someone makes their periods or the dot on a lowercase 'i' big and thick and grinds them into the page, it means that they're resentful and can't move forward," says Dresbold. "Someone who grinds their periods is stuck in one place. The physical movement on the page represents someone who is fixated, someone who can't easily get over things and can't easily move on."

Tiny vs. Large Handwriting

"When you write large, you feel free," according to Dresbold. "A person who likes to be seen will have writing that's noticeable and free. If you try and write really, really tiny, you need to focus more and block out the rest of the world. People who write this way are focused on their tasks and don't really notice what is going on around them."

Sample B's signature belongs to the now-famous recluse, the Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski.

How Rule-Breakers Write

"A lot of behaviors can show rule-breaking. One that is pretty obvious shows up when you write on lined paper: On the left-hand side, there is a vertical line -- that stands for society -- and when people write through that line on a normal-sized sheet of paper, choosing to disregard that line, it means rules in general aren't for them. That, to me, is a pretty dangerous sign," says Dresbold.

O.J.'s Handwriting Gives Him Away

"Your o's and a's are your communication letters," Dresbold explains. "The clearer your o and a are, the more clearly you communicate. If something is wrong with the shape of these letters, that means there is a problem with your communication. O.J. Simpson puts a slash through his o -- called a forked-tongue stroke -- the sign of a liar. Any little mark through your o's and a's means that something about your communicating isn't 100 percent truthful. But if someone bumps your arm while you're writing, that's different."

Catch a Con Artist

"Over and over again, con artists will make some letters look like they could be another letter, and some numbers look like they're another number, to the point where one letter can be so ambiguous that you can't read it," says Dresbold. "If you can't read their numbers, that's a sign of a con artist or an embezzler. With someone like Scott Peterson, that ambiguity is very prevalent. His handwriting looks very readable, neat and nice, just like he looked at first glance -- but you can't read every third word of his writing. You think you can read it because your brain figures out what the word should be. But when taken out of context, the words are unreadable. A very good con artist tries not to write very messy."

The bottom writing sample is from Scott Peterson -- it is his return address. Would you be able to replicate it?

Indications of Rage, Antagonism, Irritability and Frustration

"If you make angles -- very sharp angles -- in your writing, it means you feel tension. You can't relax when you make angles. If you put angled marks where they don't belong, it shows the tension you are feeling. Adolf Hitler has big checkmarks all over the place. That is extreme tension. A person writing with that number of angles is showing a lot of rage," Dresbold explains.

Lawless Scrawl

"The 'Felon's Claw' is when the cursive G ends with a frown, and the loop at the bottom looks like a claw. You will find G's like that in the handwriting of people who somehow keep doing things to mess up their lives. They don't believe they deserve good things happen to them. It can be women who find they always end up with the wrong men. Psychologically, it means they set themselves up for failure. Many convicted felons have that claw in their writing. If you do see the felon's claw, it doesn't mean the writer is a felon. If you find you have a felon's claw in your handwriting, however, it's time to think about what you're doing in your life to screw it up," advises Dresbold.

http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/handwriting-personality

self destructive behavior

2009-03-22T13:24:00.000-04:00

David,

I stumbled on your blogs while doing a search on Google about self-destructive behaviour. Thank you! Most of the stuff I see on the internet has to do with young girls or women dealing with the issue. The term rattled something loose in my brain when I saw a news report talking about Brittany Spears recent behaviour.

I have only become aware of this behaviour gradually over the last three or four years. I am 53 now. I think a lot of this awareness came after a breakdown I had about that time, where I believe I was closer to suicide than I have ever been. I still have a lot of thoughts about it, but don't feel as if it is imminent.

The self destructive behaviours always seem to show up when I am stressed out, when I feel like to much is being put on me to handle, and my only option is to lash out, usually verbally or in writing.

My last episode was yesterday, 11/9, when I recieved an email from my work saying that if I did not start filling out my timesheet correctly my pay would be suspended. I was pissed, but in control enough to email them back politely, but coolly, that while I would comply with expectations, it was illegal for them to do that. Kind of a thinly veiled threat. While my boss never threatened me with loss of job (yet), he has in the past for different little eruptions I have had. I do need to find another job, but sometimes it seems like I am just trying to get myself fired.

My DOC is medical marijuana. I have legitimate issues that I need it for, but latey have been strongly considering giving it up, as I use it for legitimate purposes, and at other times. When I don't use it, it seems like I really go crazy, and the slightest thing will set me off. I took another job about three years ago, where I was mostly away from the family and when I returned I left my remaining meds in a secure location. For six months I was off the marijuana, plenty of time for accumulated dependencies to resolve. My tolerance for perceived BS went to near zero. If I were my wife, I probably would have left. I applied for and obtained my medical marijuana card again, and slowly after using it again for a couple months, my sense of equilibrium began to return.

I guess this is out of frustration that I write this, and should you not answer, it's cool. I know you are no shrink, and that I am venting. I know you dont have all the answers, maybe none of them, but you are safe! That brings me to the other major issue in my life. The more I become aware of myself, and all my idiosyncracies, the more I try and avoid people. It seems that I can hardly get into a social situation anymore without making some inappropriate statement and embarrasing myself and often my wife.

Like you I am a Christian. At one time, any mention of new age and Christianity in the same breath would have made me ignore everything you said. I have come to realize that Christianity as it is practiced in modern times is a far different entity than it was in the times immediately following Jesus time on Earth. Because of that, and my own propensity for social blunders I rarely go to church. When I do, I am very guarded about saying anything to anyone, even though I would like to speak to people at times. I am not shy, I am just an asshole. At least I often say things that make me think that, and I know by the peoples expressions that I justscrwed up. But, I keep talking anyway.

Also, the other end of the spectrum is I have a hard time trusting people. So many times I have taken the risk to trust someone, gotten close to them, developed a relationship, only to be burned in some way. Burned in a way that strikes right at the heart of a freindship-trust. And I am not talking about just divulging a little secret or something. When I get burned, my hate shifts from the last person I hated, to the new person/people. Kind of like when you drop one addiction just to pick up another. I could list a number of abuses by different people that at one time were close to me. I won't bore you with them. Suffice it to say, I am leery of people. This leeriness makes it difficult to go into a meeting and start talking about all my shit......again.

I guess that is it for now....thanks for the shoulder.

Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com

Left Brain Tools and Right Brain Issues

2009-03-14T22:17:00.000-04:00

You can't expect left brain tools to impact right brain issues

Not only that, even if the right brain was 'doing something', the left brain would not recognize that anything of value was going on.

The right brain's most valuable tool is the tool of "Observation"
Observation is unconditional, it contains ZERO judgement.

Observation operates from the frame of Being, not doing.

When you BE something, you don't have to DO anything. it's like Grace, you don't have to earn grace.

Being valuable is not something you missed out on- it's something you create, on tap, on demand, however much a situation requires that you possess self worth, that's how much self worth you generate.

When your right brain is performing the task of Observation, powerful forces are put into play...

Your left brain incorrectly assumes that nothing valuable is going on, your left brains unit of measure, it's meters to record success or failure are incapable of registering observation.

Your left brain wants to fix something, from it's perspective Observation is the equivalent to stopping the car on the freeway, it will say, "why are we stopped?" "There is no traffic?"

Observation is healing on the level of Being the left brain operates on the level of doing

more coming... Just had to post this while it was on my mind (before I forgot)

Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com

Dominant Subconscious Belief

2009-01-03T01:56:00.000-05:00

"Or you want X and your insides want Y"

In "The Parent's Handbook: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting. 3rd Edition"

Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) provides a practical approach to parent-child relations. The handbook is organized into nine sessions that are meant to be taken for a week at a time.

Chapter 1 asserts that all behavior occurs for a social purpose.

Four goals of misbehavior, and four basic ingredients for building positive relationships are discussed

I'm asserting that when we screw up... part of us is screwing up on purpose.
And that part... is NOT the voice we hear in the back of our minds ear...

I'm further asserting that the voice we hear inside when we talk to ourselves, that's who we think we are... and that assumption is incorrect.

That is your ego

and you're a lot more than an ego.

"if you don't have what you want -- here's the reason -
your subconscious holds
some contradictory intentions for you.
To put it simply, YOU want something and IT doesn't."

Dr. Robert Anthony from his ground breaking audio series:

"Know how to be Rich"

There is a term for this called "psychological reversal",
which describes the difference in what we consciously want
and what we actually do or allow ourselves to experience.

It also explains why we fall short in countless other
pursuits even though we know we have the ability to achieve
them. Unless you understand psychological reversal your
seeming inability to make progress in areas that are
obviously important to you can be mistakenly blamed on such
things as "lack of will power", "poor motivation", "spacing
out" or other forms of supposed character defects.

It is vital to understand the role of psychological
reversal in psychology, medicine, addictions, weight loss,
and countless fields of endeavor including sports and
business performance. For example, the person who
consciously believes that they want to lose weight will
often have an unconscious belief that, "If I lose weight I
will only gain it back again’.

Most people are only psychological reversed in specific
areas. They may do very well in most areas in their life,
but overcoming problems in one specific area seems to be
out of their reach. If they are psychological reversed,
they will sabotage their own efforts no matter how hard
they try.

With some people psychological reversal shows up in almost
every area of their lives. It is easy to spot these people
because nothing ever seems to go right for them.

They usually complain a lot and consider themselves a
"victim". Psychological reversal is also a chronic
companion of those who suffer from depression.

Most people know, at least intuitively, that negative
thinking blocks their progress. However what they do not
know is that their negative thinking also creates an
"energy block" in their body's electromagnetic system.

It is important to understand that psychological reversal is not a character defect.

more coming... stay tuned

Disclaimer: No responsibility is accepted for use of this information. Use is entirely at your own risk.
Information contained herein is for educational purposes only.

Internal Themostat analogy

2008-11-07T06:45:00.001-05:00

This blog is by, for and about recovery.

Recovery from... addictions, codependent tendencies, self destructive behaviors.

Approach Avoidance... what does that mean, exactly?

You decide you want something, you work towards getting it, as soon as you get close to achieving whatever that was... you screw it up.

Tony Robbins coined the term I use as the title of this blog.

I have a recovery blog specifically about the part of Tony Robbins' Personal Power 2 audio series that I think is Robbins' most important contribution to recovery...

Robbins didn't write his work with that in mind!

It turns out (well, I've discovered anyway) that the path one has to take to be 'successful' in business or the path one has to take to amass wealth, is identical to the path one has to take to recover from addictions or codependency.

That other blog of mine is http://globalbeliefs.blogspot.com

Robbins speaks of (and this is in the context of a business person or business owner) you discover that you are NOT where you want to be.

You notice that there is some 'distance' between where you currently are and where you want to be

You plot a course to get from here to there

Here's the analogy:

You have a 'thermostat'

You've "lit a fire under your a**"
Inside you sort of "heat up", the furnace kicks in, you've got to get a head of steam up if you (old railroad analogy here) intend to climb that steep hill.

You make progress towards getting 'up the hill' (I'm mixing metaphors and analogies I know)

BUT as soon as you get close to achieving what ever...

The 'air conditioning' kicks in!

The furnace kicked in, and you intentionally, consciously turned the furnace on.

When you got close to the target state...

You UNCONSCIOUSLY retarded forward progress!!!!!

...now why would you do that?

Part of you did it... there are more of us in here than just one of us!

(see previous post)

A part of you (your conscious self, your EGO, the part of you that's more left brain than right) is looking at another part of you (your inner child, your right brain) with CONTEMPT!

You're so used to being 'punitive' (self deprecating) that you actually think it's normal to do so!

You know what context 'acclimated' means?

If you're an Eskimo, or you live above the arctic circle, and you've been living in sub zero temperatures for months... as soon as the temp goes up to 10° above, compared to 40° below, now you think that's warm.

You've been 'acclimated' to it being below zero.

If you're an addict (which AUTOMATICALLY means you're a codependent) you're 'acclimated' to *beating yourself up*

That's where the approach avoidance comes from... no wonder you weren't aware of it.

Did you know that all you can hold in consciousness is 7 +/- 9 chunks of information at one time?

Are you even slightly aware of the thousands (maybe even 10s of 1000's) of bits of information your subconscious can hold?

There's a lot more of you under the water line than there is above it.

My grand daughter is waking up... I've got to close

We're all kinda schizophrenic

2008-10-22T16:18:00.000-04:00

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ALL of us are kinda schizophrenic... really.

In a very real sense, we all have multiple personalities, even healthy people (by healthy I mean functional or relatively functional people, NO one is functional all of the time, Our TARGET STATE is Inter-dependence, not Codependency)

We have a left brain and a right brain, we have a pair of eyes and a pair of ears, presumably for depth perception (a that word, perception, a LOT more on that concept later)

our Mind (I make a distinction between brain and Mind) also records in stereo:

One set of records/ memories is "What Happened"
the other set of records is "How we Felt about What Happened"

and it's also VERY useful to note that for the vast majority of the time, the playing back (recollection of) those set of recordings is:
A) on autopilot
B) unconscious

By that I mean it usually never occurs to us that we can vary/ control the 'strength' of, the 'volume of' those play backs...

Not only that, most of us are completely oblivious of just how much that PLAYBACK colors, influences... actually CONTROLS the choices we make available to us.

Notice I said: WE MAKE AVAILABLE TO US, not shit is happening to us that is outside of our control... NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING TO US, we connect the internal dots to assign meaning to incoming stimuli.

Reposted in 2008 from another of my blogs... updated with cross linking to corresponding concepts

More on us being/ having multiple personalities that we're not usually aware of:

More from "I'm OK--You're OK

Brain functions as high fidelity tape recorder

More from "I'm OK--You're OK" by Thomas Harris

Page 11

"In summary we may conclude:
1. The brain functions as a high-fidelity tape recorder.

2. The feelings which were associated with past experiences also are recorded and are inextricably locked to those experiences

3. Persons can exist in two states at the same time. The patient knew he was on the operating table talking with (Dr.) Penfield; he equally knew he was seeing the "Seven-Up Bottling Company... and Harrison Bakery." He was dual in that he was at the same time in the experience and outside of it, observing it.

(hmm, now I'm going to have to find the passage explaining that the patient was remembering something from work, looks like he worked at a 7Up plant and or a bakery, well this IS as blog & I can edit this later when I've more time)

4. These recorded experiences and feelings associated with them are available for replay today in as vivid a form as when they happened and provide much of the data which determines the nature of today's transactions. These experiences not only can be recalled but also relived. I not only remember how I felt. I feel the same way now.

(now this explains much of why codependents react in screwy ways to stuff in the here and now, and why healthier people think we're nuts, what's in our 'flight data recorder' is erroneous, what's in the healthy persons 'flight data recorded' is relatively sane)

Adult Children of Alcoholics feel more screwy than normal people.

Adult Child's Guide to What's Normal

The Drunk can blame the pint.

The Crack Addict can blame the 8ball he smoked (eighth of an ounce of crack to the uninitiated)

The Adult Child (which I'm saying is synonymous with Codependency) is doing addictive stuff, self destructive stuff and it appears he's doing it for NO reason???

==========
This article is for informational purposes only.
Please contact a licensed professional in your area
if you are in crisis or require mental health services
==========
This article is for informational purposes only.
Please contact a licensed professional in your area
if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Self Destructive Behavior - the Source

2008-10-21T22:40:00.000-04:00

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Why is it that most people quit smoking and go back to it?

Why is it that most people go on diets, lose wieght and gain it right back?

Why is it that most people go into drug rehab and end up using again?

Why do we do self destructive behavior?

is it an illness or are we somehow deficient or people with addictive personalties?

Approach Avoidance

also known as Psychological Reversal

it's where you want X and your insides want Y

...and we're all mulitple personalities inside!

don't think so?

sit on a bus stop bench, or observe yourself in an elevator, you're the only person present... along comes someone, anyone... a person that's NOT you.

Now you're aware of them, you may or may not SAY anything to them, but the body language is screaming at both of you.

You're suddenly NOT going to pick your nose, you're guarded about what you're willing to let that other soul know about you.

jeez, this is really going to be a long post and I've so much to do
my grandaughter needs her diaper changed...more coming

Brain Functions as High Fidelity Tape Recorder

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