Alligators and shit do not intimidate Apollo Creed. This big ass ten-footer named Larry was consistently ridiculed and mocked by Apollo and Thunderlips. Pussy.

Larry told Thunderlips that he looked like that asshole on TV renting vcrs with Troy Aikman. Thunderlips vowed to kick the shit out of the next 150 American Alligators he crossed path with and did not tip the guy who actually did all the work. Word for the wise: If you go to the Everglades, make sure you bring a few bucks cash with you so you can tip these people. Apollo felt like a piece of shit that he didn't tip the guy. Oh well. In terms of AU's, what difference does it really make.

This mother fucker is crazy. Apollo loves it.

Ok, close the alligators eyes, jump on its back, and hold its mouth shut. Check. This shit is easy.

Apollo's turn to knock the balls off this bastard.

Thunderlips conquers a littler ass alligator instead.

There is tons of cool places to see in downtown Chimney Rock... if you can call it that. Village is a stretch as well.

A very pretty sunset in Chimney Rock. At this point in the day however people have been gone for hours.

Other than Apollo and his entourage, the only other thing moving in all of Chimney Rock is the water of the Rocky Broad River. Not even squirrels. Apollo doesn't know what gives.

Apollo cheeses for a MySpace-esque self portrait.

Dude! Where are the fucking people!?

Someone recommended the Riverwatch Deli & Grill. Oh you know what? Closed.

You know what this bear is saying? He's saying "Hey kapow! Guess what we're closed."

You know why this sign says Don't even think of parking here? Because they are never open for business anyway what's the difference.

You know what this bear is saying? "Hey doucher we are closed." So now who's the douche.

Eating on the river, it seems, is not without a sense of irony. How can you serve patrons that are eating on a river, when you are never open to serve said patrons? Get in the real world. It's 3:09am and I am working on this post. You guys could be open 24 hours and offer free wifi access and I would be there right now praising you instead of complaining. Get in the real world already this is 2010 this isn't your pawpaw's reality.

This place is a freaking ghost town.

Holy can of shit something moved! No wait I tripped on nothing and fell and accidentally tripped the shutter and took a picture of absolutely jack shit.

Finally some action down here to report in Chimney Rock. It seems the moon has now moved .0904º or something.

Oh my god actual movement! That must be the actual Pam of Pam's Place sitting down to watch Jeopardy for her nightly challenge. Apollo really wishes Alex Trebek would grow back his fucking mustache already.

Apollo opts to eat on the water, as opposed to the non-airconditioned Genny's Family Restaurant interior.

Dude, this Genny sure is a stickler for the rules... trying to tell Apollo he can't lean. Shit.

Apollo tells Thunderlips to come break some of Genny's rules with him. Thunderlips was too busy eating his catfish sandwich to commit Chimney Rock sins.

It seems like pretty much every commercial establishment in Chimney Rock comes standard with a kick ass view. Genny's is no exception.

Again with those damn rules. Do not change tables? Oh yeah? Apollo changed to table 12.

Table 8. Eat that shit.

Or maybe table 10 is more comfy.

Um yeah table 7.

The bottom line, when you find yourself somewhere in the Hickory Nut Gorge, and it's still light outside with still multiple hours left before the sun even starts to set and you are hungry, Genny's Family Restaurant is a great choice to eat and they do have quite a selection. Go there.

When Apollo paid and left Genny's, he couldn't help notice this sign that by sheer coincidence reminded him of the movie Back to the Future. Understanding that copyright infringment is perfectly OK as long as God and Jesus are in the picture, Apollo just realized the scope of the religion present at Genny's. Woops for breaking every posted rule they had and adjusting the prices on the chalkboards. Woops.

The view from the Chimney Rock parking lot is pretty decently cool. Thunderlips tries to explain some of the goings on.

Looking up at Chimney Rock from the Visitors Center and parking lot. Apollo is ready to get this show on the road.

Of all the cool things about Chimney Rock, the one thing that most folks remember the most is the elevator ride. Dude told us that they still use the exact same original elevator car, the same one they've used since 1950 something.

This manmade cave that leads down to the elevator shaft is a little perplexing.

Thunderlips hustled some kid for 50 cents in order to use the cheesy binoculars.

Apollo thought it was a pretty shitheaded move though and kicked Thunderlips off the binoculars. Sucks he ran out of time.

The view from the top of Chimney Rock is nothing short of kick ass.

Looking down into the Hickory Nut Gorge. Totally freaking awesome.

Apollo wanted us to steal this flag so he could make himself some new American Flag boxing drawers. He wanted us to kick the shit out of the guy with all the information but we wouldn't do it. He called us pussies.

The actual Chimney Rock of Chimney Rock Park sits at an elevation of 2280' feet above sea level. That sounds about right I guess.

Thunderlips tries to explain to Apollo how in the movie The Last of the Mohecians, those bastards at the end run from here, all the way to Hooker Falls in Dupont in like, the exact same scene. Get fuckin real Daniel Day Lewis.

Regardless of the Hollywood propaganda and bullshit, Apollo and Thunderlips give their best Last of the Mohecians running-scene a go.

Thunderlips digs the view from Chimney Rock State Park. Hell yeah brother.

The Opera House at Chimney Rock is hardly big enough for these motherfuckers.

I can see the Piedmont from here. Big deal.

The view of Lake Lure from Chimney Rock really lets you appreciate that its nothing more than a contained manmade flood.

Apollo hates to ask, but which head are they referring to up here at Devil's Head?

Chimney Rock has more fucking stairs and steps than are grains of sands on all the Earths beaches and deserts combined.

Holy fucking stair climb to get to Exclamation Point, the highest point in Chimney Rock State Park. When they changed it to a State Park, they actually shortened the name of this point from Dollar Sign Pound Sign Ampersand Exclamation Point comma Mother Fucker!

Hahahahahaha this jive turkey couple was actually meditating up here and verbally saying "Ahhhooooommmm" and shit like that. I don't care who you are, if you do shit like that in public, someone has to make fun of you. Apollo Creed, fulfilling societies dark duties.

Chimney Rock kicks ass and worth fourteen dollars to get in there. Shit load of steps though...

Apollo visits the Paul Rardin Park on the Lake Okeechobee Rim Canal.

Too bad tampering with this thing was a federal crime. If it was a state crime...hmm.

Apollo kills a dragonfly in Lake Okeechobee.

Up shits boat ramp without a boat.

Despite the warnings, Apollo and Thunderlips failed to see what the big danger was. The decided to venture several feet beyond.

Thunderlips was kind of pissed off that they closed the Florida Trail.

Just to be kind of dicks about the Florida Trail closure, they blocked the gate and yelled expletives. Fuck, fuck Martinez!

Nobody was around, so Apollo got on the swing for a second until he heard a car coming.

A huge monster Chevy Camaro on the Miccosukee Indian Reservation.

Apollo is welcomed to Biscayne National Park.

Play the odds. School like fish. Stay alive. No matter what occurs.

Biscayne Bay was literally foaming at the proverbial mouth at the sheer sheen and brilliance of Apollo and Thunderlips massive muscle. Like the great Chandler Jerrell once said, Brilliance is, the best brilliance is brilliance born not from someone ignorant.

Holy lots of ass bait.

Funniest shit Apollo ever seen. Soon as he gets to the hiking trail at the Dante Fascell Visitors Center on Convoy Point in Biscayne, he sees this sign. He then pans like a couple of feet to his left, and sees a hispanic couple, walking this seriously tiny ass little shit looking dog, with no leash. He then looks over at the sign. Enough said.

Adding to the hilarity at the sight of this little dog running around aimlessly, Thunderlips sure as dogshit spots a 2.5 foot long croc swimming up this culvert. Apollo tried like hell to coax him back out albeit to no avail.

Even though some might consider this 'chillaxing' by the bay, Apollo and Thunderlips refuse to accept such foolish language in their hardcore-I'll-fuck-you-up-esque attitude.

Just out of camera view is a sign that says-Caution, bench fucked.

Onward dey go.

Apollo has a beef with the old saying 'living on the edge'. Thats kind of gay if you think about it. Techincally, Apollo and Thunderlips are living on the edge right now, because if you think about it, they are just barely on the edge... on the cusp of breaking the law because they are on the opposite side of the Do Not Enter sign. Although, realistically, they are not going beyond the sign per say. Kind of like the speed limit is 70mph and you are going 70.5mph. Ain't no cop gonna pull you over for that shit, although technically speaking, you're a fucking fugitive. Eat that shit Sheriff John Bunnell.

Apollo assumes this is the true, actual Convoy Point in Biscayne Bay. Am I right or am I right or am I right. Right. Right. Right.

Apollo and Thunderlips checking out the banked turns at the Homestead-Miami Speedway.

www.thechampionshiptrack.com

Scoping out the grandstands and garages from the infield at Homestead-Miami Speedway.

Watching the amateurs race at Homestead-Miami Speedway. They actually were hauling some serious ass.

Pit row at Homestead.

The Homestead-Miami Speedway Official Pacecar.

Homestead seems pretty kick ass.

Homestead-Miami Speedway backstretch.

The pretty awesome Emerson Fittipaldi. Well, the Emerson Fittipaldi bronze statue at least.

Apollo and Thunderlips eventually ignore the DANGER KEEP OUT sign and keep on.

Apollo naturally wooped the holy shit out of Thunderlips in their fictitious bullshit race.

Apollo and Thunderlips check out the unreal modded 57 Chevy converted into a sweet granite countertopped desk. Everything in this place totally ruled.