As most of you know, Apollo Creed loves the ever lovin’ piss out of the National Park System, and Biscayne National Park is of no exception. Curiously, Apollo wondered where the expression “…the ever lovin’ piss out of” may have originated, and was surprised with what little results his non-metal band antenna issue of the iPhone 4 version of the now old-school iPhone 3G turned up.

Apollo met these 3 smokin’ hot Cuban ladies during his visit to Biscayne Bay that couldn’t quite understand what he was doing. After explaining to the Cuban chicks what the deal was, Apollo must keep his promise and send out a big loud “VIVA MIAMI and fuck BP!” as requested by the really hot girl of the bunch.

Apollo is welcomed to Biscayne National Park.

Play the odds. School like fish. Stay alive. No matter what occurs.

Biscayne Bay was literally foaming at the proverbial mouth at the sheer sheen and brilliance of Apollo and Thunderlips massive muscle. Like the great Chandler Jerrell once said, Brilliance is, the best brilliance is brilliance born not from someone ignorant.

Holy lots of ass bait.

Funniest shit Apollo ever seen. Soon as he gets to the hiking trail at the Dante Fascell Visitors Center on Convoy Point in Biscayne, he sees this sign. He then pans like a couple of feet to his left, and sees a hispanic couple, walking this seriously tiny ass little shit looking dog, with no leash. He then looks over at the sign. Enough said.

Adding to the hilarity at the sight of this little dog running around aimlessly, Thunderlips sure as dogshit spots a 2.5 foot long croc swimming up this culvert. Apollo tried like hell to coax him back out albeit to no avail.

Even though some might consider this 'chillaxing' by the bay, Apollo and Thunderlips refuse to accept such foolish language in their hardcore-I'll-fuck-you-up-esque attitude.

Just out of camera view is a sign that says-Caution, bench fucked.

Onward dey go.

Apollo has a beef with the old saying 'living on the edge'. Thats kind of gay if you think about it. Techincally, Apollo and Thunderlips are living on the edge right now, because if you think about it, they are just barely on the edge... on the cusp of breaking the law because they are on the opposite side of the Do Not Enter sign. Although, realistically, they are not going beyond the sign per say. Kind of like the speed limit is 70mph and you are going 70.5mph. Ain't no cop gonna pull you over for that shit, although technically speaking, you're a fucking fugitive. Eat that shit Sheriff John Bunnell.

Apollo assumes this is the true, actual Convoy Point in Biscayne Bay. Am I right or am I right or am I right. Right. Right. Right.

While in South Florida, Apollo had a couple hours to spare and decided to watch a race at the Homestead-Miami Speedway. Apollo’s fame and bulge got him through the security guard booth with no issues whatsoever.

Apollo and Thunderlips checking out the banked turns at the Homestead-Miami Speedway.

www.thechampionshiptrack.com

Scoping out the grandstands and garages from the infield at Homestead-Miami Speedway.

Watching the amateurs race at Homestead-Miami Speedway. They actually were hauling some serious ass.

Pit row at Homestead.

The Homestead-Miami Speedway Official Pacecar.

Homestead seems pretty kick ass.

Homestead-Miami Speedway backstretch.

The pretty awesome Emerson Fittipaldi. Well, the Emerson Fittipaldi bronze statue at least.

Apollo and Thunderlips eventually ignore the DANGER KEEP OUT sign and keep on.

Apollo naturally wooped the holy shit out of Thunderlips in their fictitious bullshit race.

Ok, Apollo had to do someone a favor and pick a car they bought on eBay and drive it back home. When Apollo got to the dealership, he couldn’t fucking believe how unreal awesome this dealership actually was. I mean, what kind of dealership has an upstairs bar, pool table, shuffleboard, and all kinds of booze and radness. What the hell! This place was the baddest ass place alive. Apollo really appreciated the bad ass old dude named Mr. G that picked him up from the airport. What a kick ass dude.

Check out their website and buy something at www.floridacars1.com

Apollo and Thunderlips check out the unreal modded 57 Chevy converted into a sweet granite countertopped desk. Everything in this place totally ruled.

At an elevation of wayasshigh’, Mount Mitchell has the designation of being the highest peak east of the Mississippi River, and I think several miles west of the Mississippi River as well. Mount Mitchell is really cool, although the File, New view kinda puts a hamper on the visibility.

Anyway, Apollo was excited to finally check out the brand new viewing deck they built. The old one really needed to go.

Mount Mitchell, Highest Peak east of the Mississippi River, Elevation 6,684 ft.

Apollo and Thunderlips give resurrection a shot.

Apollo and Thunderlips chug up the ramp... kinda looks like a small version of the Clingman's Dome observation dome.

Apollo says fuck this view!

Apollo does pushups on the apparent exact spot of the supposed measurement of 6684 feet.

Apollo and Thunderlips took a trip to Linville Falls. Boy this place gathers a crowd on the weekends. Met some very rude ass people along the way that wouldn’t let anyone pet their ugly ass dog. Met some Germans that couldn’t figure out what these stupid Americans were doing, and met some grinning dude with a hot wife that seemed to have Apollo’s number.

Apollo and Thunderlips admiring the lower falls from Wiseman's View.

Apollo explains some of the dynamics of Linville Falls and the Linville Gorge.

Apollo Creed loves Linville Falls.

Looking down the Lower Falls from the Upper Falls overlook, Apollo explains how it is.

Apollo plans to get behind the wall at the Upper Linville Falls overlook area, but Thunderlips explains that it would be a bad influence on all the children around...

The Linville Gorge Jesus Christ pose.

Let me tell you something. Apollo Creed is all about places to walk along a river. The problem with most rivers is that they are “natural” and shit and are more often than not not easy to walk along side of. Either that or the shit is private property and you can’t walk on it without getting freaking shot.

So, when the thought of strutting down the Rocky Broad Riverwalk sprung to mind, Apollo was all about that shit. It’s hands down one of the ‘cleanest’ ways to experience a walk along a river… if thats your sort of thing.

Apollo hits the Rocky Broad Riverwalk in Chimney Rock Village, NC.

Apollo repeats the Rocky Broad Riverwalk Rules:

• No Alcohol. This means beer, Mike’s Hard Lemons, Smearnoff, and so forth.
• No Littering
• Remove Trash… as in if you bring some shit there, take your shit out with you.
• No camping, and no bringing your tent. No camping in a bivvy sack either, or under a canoe, etc.,
• Don’t fuck with the benches.
• Stay in the park area. So like if you see a sign that says PRIVATE PROPERTY and you go beyond that sign where you can no longer read it, that shortly thereafter will be someone yelling at you.
• This river is fucking dangerous. People die here. Notice Apollo doesn’t say “died” because people apparently aren’t reading this far down the list and continue to die here. Not that it should scare you off, but as long as you stay on the path, and don’t go flailing around the rocks when its raining you have a great chance of continuing your life.
• The best way not to get in the water, is to stay out of the water. Swimming would involve placing your body into the water, in which you would swiftly be carried off and get a die. In the new video game by EASD Sports called “Rocky Broad River Die” now available on pre order with a free $10 calling card certificate with 2.3 cents to Mexico included, which is a good deal. Wading is also discouraged, because it has made many people die already, and the ‘powers that be’ of the Riverwalk assume that if people keep wading, that they will probably keep dying. So wading is probably out.’

Other interesting things to note about the Rocky Broad Riverwalk:

• The people here have decided that Brute (by Rubbermaid) trash receptacles must be the trash receptacle of choice for this particular application. Rubbermaid must make very good trash cans for commercial usage.
• Apparently this river is hatchery supported. In no where on the rules does it imply fishing is against the law, so perhaps you are able to fish there. While Apollo has no fishing license nor any fishing gear, he has no real clue if you can fish here or not. I would say try, and just assume the fine you’ll probably end up with is going to a good cause.

Just in case you didn't catch that...

More shit...

After reading 300 signs Apollo is finally ready to get his ass to the river.

Finally at the freaking Rocky Broad River.

Shit is cool here.

This here bridge is the safe way to view the river from the riverest of riverist perspective.

The Chimney Rock Gemstone Mine actually is pretty kick ass. The store-museum part is actually chock full of kickassery .

Does anyone know if this is what is gonna be the new North Carolina State Park... or something?

After seeing all there was to see on the Riverwalk, Apollo made a last ditch effort to find some grub there in Chimney Rock. What was he thinking though... it was Sunday... after like 2pm and every restaurant in the town was shut the frig down. Balls.

Apollo wanted to go AND SPEND MONEY at Chimney Rock Park BUT what do you know it too was freaking closed. What the fuck man, why is everything here always close early. That's stupid.

Apollo had to take a leak and what better place than the Rocky Broad River.

This is one of those siren horn things that tells you in a loud way to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.

The only problem Apollo could find with the Shiloh Builders, Inc. model home is that despite the sign saying “The Little Montana”, Apollo thought it was rather spacious, open, well-built, and duly-appointed. Thinking about it, he recalled the now dead Arby’s ‘Big Montana’ roast beef sandwich of back in the day when Joe Montana—FUCK a bug just flew up my nose as I was typing this—was promoting Arby’s all big time and shit.

Anyways… seems like this should be the “Even Bigger Montana” or something like that. Despite the model home looking quite bad ass, the whole name thing just isn’t sitting well with Apollo.

Personally, I think it has something to do with these guys starting their business in 1979… they were probably all inspired and shit by Rocky finally kicking the shit out of Apollo (keep in mind despite all that “Adrian” shit and celebratory ending of Rocky 1, Rocky still lost that fight). Thats what I think.

Apollo thinks The Little Montana is full of shit... should be The Bigger Montana.

Even the joists are bigger than any sandwich at Arbys.

Doughton Park is one of the Parkway’s largest parks, with nearly 6,000 acres of sheer beauty. Doughton Park was formerly known as The Bluffs, until they changed the name to honor Congressman Robert L. Doughton, who was a pivotal supporter of the Blue Ridge Parkway.

Visitors to Doughton Park will find a restaurant, a lodge, a campground, and a very large and awesome picnic area. People traveling on the Blue Ridge Parkway will most certainly want to spend some time at Doughton Park. It’s of Apollo’s opinion that Doughton is one of the prettiest and most scenic spots on the entire Blue Ridge Parkway.

Two log cabins remain within Doughton Park–Brinegar Cabin and the one-room Caudill Cabin. While Brinegar Cabin is located right on the Parkway, reaching the Caudill Cabin requires a 3.3 mile hike with nearly a dozen or so creek crossings. Apollo was pleased to find a website that descendants of the Caudill’s have built to describe the cabin. Be sure to scope out the Caudill Cabin website, it’s pretty damn cool!

Apollo at one of the Blue Ridge Parkway's overlooks through Doughton Park.

Apollo overlooks the surrounding mountain ranges of Doughton Park. It's pretty rad that you can see both Stone Mountain and Mount Jefferson from Doughton Park.

Apollo was gonna try helping out the park service and cut some grass, but he couldn't reach the controls. Oh well.

Apollo couldn't help but dick off on this giant tree saw thing.

Apollo admires the view towards West Jefferson, and the Mount Jefferson State Park.

Neither Jim nor Apollo carved this into the fence, but Apollo thought since it was already defaced, we might as well hijack the love.

Looking out toward the Piedmont from Doughton Park.

Apollo asses a nail while looking down on the Blue Ridge Parkway as it meanders through Doughton Park. Apollo multitasks like an em eff.

Apollo says good night to the sun.

Doughton Park must be one of the coolest sunset spots on the entire Blue Ridge Parkway. Absolutely breathtaking up here.

There are two old homesteads located within Doughton Park that are still standing today. Brinegar Cabin and the Caudill Cabin. Although Apollo ran out of time to hike the 3.3 mile stretch to the Caudill Cabin, he was still able to visit the Brinegar Cabin, which sits directly off the side of the Parkway for super easy access.

Brinegar Cabin is an incredibly cool log cabin built in 1885 by Martin Brinegar. He and his wife Caroline lived on the 125-acre homestead until the land was purchased by the National Park Service. These folks lived out one heck of a self-sufficient life here on this farm, and thanks to the wonderful dudes of the NPS, demonstrations are available during the summer which show visitors how life was back in the day.

Brinegar Cabin is located at milepost 238.5 on the Blue Ridge Parkway within Doughton Park. The cabin sits right off the side of the Parkway, so visitors traveling north or south probably won’t miss it.

The Brinegar Cabin main sign reads: For nearly 60 years, Martin and Caroline Brinegar lived on this 125 acre farm leading lives based on hard work, self sufficiency, and an abiding religious faith. Descendants of their three children often come to visit the homeplace.

Apollo arrives at the Brinegar Cabin on the Blue Ridge Parkway, located within the boundaries of Doughton Park.

Apollo Creed waves to his following, claiming the Brinegar Cabin front porch as his own... even if for just a couple of minutes.

Apollo dangles on a Dogwood tree looking over the Brinegar's front yard.

Apollo is a genie in a water fountain, baby. Gotta rub him the right way, honey. Apollo's a genie in a water fountain, baby. Come, come, come and let him out.

Apollo admires the totally beautiful Brinegar Cabin.

Apollo leans on the fence that the Brinegar's used to keep out rodents and riff raff animals that ate the premature produce from their garden.

Old cabin lovers are sure to love Brinegar Cabin.

Apollo wonders why the cabin was constructed so crudely back in the day, yet they were able to install an advanced sewage system to the cabin, complete with a fire hydrant. Wow, they know their shit back in the day...

Apollo approaches one of the cabin doors with an eerie caution.

Admiring the view from the Brinegar's front lawn. Apollo thinks living here would be A O K.