I’m not sure where to begin.

I’ve been struggling with whether or not to share this with you – it’s personal, it’s painful, and even the idea of writing about it seems to diminish its significance.

But just going on as if nothing happened, sending you upbeat articles and not letting you in, somehow feels disingenuous.

Perhaps sharing this part of my life may actually be helpful…for us both, I hope.

My mom died Easter Sunday morning, just before sunrise.

She was beautiful, thoughtful, talented, gracious, and humble. She personified kindness.

She and my Dad, married almost 53 years, were in love ’til the end.

I loved her very much and, although I wish I had said it more often, I also admired and respected her as a mom, a wife, a grandmother, a veteran, an artist, and a woman.

She was my mom.

I had the privilege of being with her for ten days before she left us. Watching her go was heart wrenching and I will never be the same.

Over the past few weeks I have felt a range of emotions – lost, hopeful, scared, optimistic, angry, peaceful, abandoned, and raw. I have sobbed and laughed, sometimes together, and often at unexpected times.

I am grateful to my friends who have just listened and not tried to make me feel better. Grief is an individual process, it takes times, and any attempt to speed it up or stuff it or smooth it over only interrupts the healing.

Mainly my friends have just “met me where I am” at the time, whether that’s reminiscing about something funny, or consumed with regret. They each have the gift of drawing up along side of me and walking the path with me at my pace, a gift I simply have no words for except “thank you.”

I’ve learned there’s a real art to writing a sympathy card, or leaving a phone or text message. The best ones were from people who stumbled over their words, said how sad they were to hear of her passing, and then related a happy memory they had about being with my mom or how sweet she was or how they will always remember her. They were personal, both awkward and graceful, and spoke straight from the heart.

Here’s what was said with love, and I know eventually I will come to embrace, but stung at such a fragile time:

“Heaven is rejoicing.”
“The angels are signing.”
“It was a blessing.”

Here’s what I found comforting:

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“There are no words I can say that will comfort you.”
“Your mom loved you very much.”

In her final days, my mom taught me about courage, about grace under pressure, and about letting go.

If your mom is alive, regardless of your relationship, please pick up the phone and call her today.

Call her every day, for that matter.

After she’s gone, there is no do-over. All you have are the moments you created together while she was here. If your relationship is frustrating or tenuous or not the one you would have chosen, that’s okay. No mom is the perfect mom, and not one of us is the perfect son or daughter.

But I’ll tell you this, no matter how accomplished or educated or busy or distanced you become, no matter how many miles or years you put between you, you’re never old enough to lose your first friend. And when you do, you’ll wish you could call her just one more time.

One of the greatest gifts my mom ever gave to me is a love of the seashore. Growing up we spent summers at the shore, gathering with enough cousins we needed a chart on the wall to determine who everyone was related to.

We lived on or across from the water since the time I was four years old. Mom was a water girl and so am I. She and my dad built their final home right on the ocean’s doorstep. My mom gave us all the gift of the beach.

She once wrote, “I have loved the ocean since the day of my birth, for I am closer to God at the seashore than anywhere else on earth.”

The beach is where I also go to talk with God. It’s where I catch glimpses of my mom now too – walking for miles, looking for treasure, collecting shells, with sand between her toes and a smile on her face, knowing she is finally home.

I love you, Mom.

Ann

I still get squeamish when I remember the day I walked into my high school lunch room wearing what was apparently the wrong clothing.

It was a peach colored, double knit dress, and it was too short. I don’t remeber where I got it but it was likely a thrift shop as it was significantly out of style. I thought it looked great on me.

The other students – pointing and openly laughing – confirmed what I’d always suspected. I was hopelessly out of place.

Out of my league.

Not only was I not “cool,” I realized I was never going to be.

A few more episodes like that (way too many!) and I quickly closed up. The real me, the one I absolutely love now, didn’t fit in and I needed to hide her away as best as I could.

I spent a good part of my life cultivating a “persona” – that side of me I allow others access to, born from my fears of being exposed as someone who just wasn’t “good enough.”

But perfecting a persona is just a clever way to play small.

Not only is it unfulfilling, it’s exhausting.

My daughter has threatened to write a blog called “The real life of Ann Vertel” and pepper it with video of me trying to roller blade, rolling on the living room floor with our dog, speaking in made up voices, or dancing around the kitchen with my sweat pants hiked up to my arm pits.

It’s not pretty, but it is me.

Nerdy. Silly. Goofy. Authentic.

And wow does it feel good to revel in it!

Being vulnerable feels like weakness.

But have you ever noticed when you observe someone else being vulnerable, you are witness to true courage?

When you open up, when you let others see a part of you that feels embarassing, silly, gawky, or misunderstood, it allows those around you to relate to you on a viseral level.

It allows them to say, “me too.”

I’ve interviewed countless women about what makes them successful. Those who hit extraordinary levels all said the same thing – once they embraced their authenticity – who they really were, warts and all – the floodgates opened.

They no longer had to work at being a second-rate version of someone else. They were free to be the best version of themselves and that was liberating.

Your ability to be transparent, to be vulnerable, to let others see the “real you” is your greatest strength.

Whatever you’re doing this week, whether it’s work or hanging out with your friends, let them see a little of the real, authentic you, the part you packed away years ago.

That’s where you true gifts are.

And that’s where you’ll find your magic, the part that makes you unique. The reason your true friends adore you.

Show us the “not boring” you and turn the corner toward extraordinary success.

Be bold!
Ann
P.S. When you need someone to be a little goofy with, check out the outtakes at the end of my 3-minute videos –> http://annvertel.com/category/3-minute-videos/

What do you mean, there are no rules? Aren’t there always rules?

Nope, not always.

Growing up, we were taught to follow all the rules if we wanted to succeed – in school, sports, even in our family dynamics.

• Sit up straight
• Line up by height
• Answer only when called upon

But now that you’re a grown up (you are, aren’t you?!) you are better suited to determine which rules are absolutely necessary and which are, in fact, more like….guidelines.

Most rules are really just advisory in nature.

They are there to help keep you out of trouble. They are not there to keep you hemmed in, paralyzed with fear, or stuck in a spot that does not serve your business or enhance your life.

Now before you send me a raging email telling me about the benefits of having rules, let me tell you that I do, in fact, believe in rules…when they make sense. I also know that rules provide a multitude of benefits by keeping our society humming.

But many people never “graduate” out of the rule-following mode required for becoming a productive citizen, and transform into the type of grown-up who can make rules for her own life and use her good judgment about following the existing rules that are absolutely necessary.

We outgrow rules. We do not outgrow our values.

Here are a few rules I no longer follow:

• you are not allowed to make more money than your parents did
• women are not the bread winners
• be quiet, be small, don’t rock the boat, don’t bring attention to yourself
• women shouldn’t / can’t make more money than their husbands
• don’t ask for help / don’t collaborate / don’t share what you know with other people
• girls are not good at technology / business / finances
• asking for what you want is rude / pushy / unladylike / selfish
• success is for other people

Make some rules, break some rules, create an adulthood that reflects what you believe and stand by your decisions.

Leave me a comment – I’d enjoy hearing about your new rules!

Be bold!
- Ann

Communication, whether with a teenager or an employee, isn’t always about asking questions. In fact, asking the wrong questions and getting no where can have you saying, “I hate my teenage daughter” when all you really want her to know is that you care.

If you think talking with your teenage daughter or son is challenging, these three simple tips in the video below can help them open up and trust that you really do care. Let me know how it goes!

Be bold!
Ann
P.S. Please subscribe to my newsletter for more tips like this! –>

As the queen of  ”Wait, I just need a little more information,” I know what an effective (and discouraging!) stalling technique that can be.

And we can’t build success on what we are “going to do.”

Even when you feel stuck, once you take the first step, you develop power.

Watch this quick video to discover how to stop stalling and get moving, then leave me a comment and tell me how you put this into action!

Be bold!
Ann

Your entire life should not be spent solving problems- it’s exhausting and draining.

Being creative – bringing something into being – is not only energizing, it can also help to build self-confidence!

And that’s good news for anyone stuck in a world of “creative problem solving!”

Watch this quick video below to discover the difference between creativity and problem solving and how being creative can help you be more confident and energetic!

Be bold!
Ann

In the early 1500′s, Spanish conquistador Hernan Cortez is believed to have scuttled his entire fleet, stranding his expedition in Mexico.

He did this to prevent any additional mutinous uprisings and to literally “burn his bridges,” ensuring those in his service would have no option but to fight and win.

Failure was apparently not an option.

While mistakes are good and certainly necessary on the road to success, success is still the ultimate goal.

Sometimes to win, you must refuse to accept any other alternative.

Watch this quick video below to discover the difference between playing to win and playing to “not lose.” Then leave me a comment in the section below and tell me how you’ll be shifting your perspective so you play to win more often.

Be bold!
Ann

There I was, hip-hop music blaring from the speakers, sweaty women everywhere, and I was sporting a scarf around my hips with little gold bangles.

Cha cha cha.

When it comes to risk taking, jumping off the path of least resistance can be the chance you need to change your behavior for the better.

Sometimes we don’t even realize our risk taking behavior has come to a dead stop (can you say boring?) until we look at our daily habits and the last time we tried something new.

Anything new.

Like the Zumba class I took this week – rocked my energy (and a lot of muscles I’d forgotten about!)

Watch this quick video to discover how to jump off your path of least resistance, fire up your results, and put your risk taking behavior to the test. Then leave me a comment in the section below and tell me what you’ll be doing new this week!

Be bold!
Ann

What could be more powerful than positive affirmations?

Daily affirmations for women are a great way of staying positive but there’s something even better..

Much better.

Our brain is wired to answer questions – ask better questions and you get more productive answers.

Ones that can really get you rockin’ and rollin’ toward your goal.

Watch this quick video to discover how to ask yourself the kind of questions that will jumpstart your day, then leave me a comment in the section below and tell me what you came up with that is better than your current positive, daily affirmations!

Be bold!
Ann

There was dead silence on the phone.

I wasn’t even sure if she was still on the line.

And then, in a quiet voice she said,

“I’m afraid my husband won’t be able to handle it if I make more money than he does.”

There it was. And she was shocked.

All this time she thought she was stuck because she didn’t know what to do or didn’t think she was “good enough.”

But after a few responses where she tried to convince me (and herself!) it was a lack of opportunity that held her back, she came face to face with the real reason she wasn’t moving forward in her business.

Watch this quick video and let me know in the comments below how you can apply this in your life!

Be bold!
Ann