The Musings of an Analytical Diva

Links for 2009-11-02 [Digg]

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:00:00 PST

The Marrying Kind
When it comes down to it, most people -- and especially guys -- have the potential to be the Marrying Kind...
The Relationship Diva
I think you'll find this site interesting... Topics include relationships, dating, love, and all the stuff in between...

Ethnic Stereotyping: Yes or No? You be the judge.

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:18:00 PDT

So, one of my friends was running in the Chicago Marathon, and to show my support I stand out there, rain or shine (or EXTREME cold) with a sign and her photo, cheering her on!

Where's the story right? Actually, the catalyst for this particular post is a sign I saw while standing out there, waiting for her to run past. Yes, a sign. See, I noticed that people around kept commenting on a very "clever" sign being held up a few steps away. Curious, I peered around, since I take pride in my signs and wanted to know what someone had done so well for signs I make next year. And that's when someone told me what it said: "Unleash the Kenyan in You."

Now I debated writing this because I didn't want to pick on anyone or seem like I was harping on it. But then I felt it important to at least capture my ideas, which is why I'm writing it now.

Here's the thing: In doing a bit of digging of the last few years, it appears someone from Kenya HAS won the Chicago Marathon (on the men's side) so in that context, the sign is fine - since there may be a trend, then maybe "unleashing" that side of you will help keep your spirits up in the race.

However, what I'm wondering is whether we would have seen that same sign up if the runner was, say, from the UK or even the U.S. Essentially, I just wonder what that kind of thing projects.

That sign did gets lots of attention that day so in that respect, it served its purpose. However, I'm a little baffled myself.

Hard Work, Precious Time

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 18:38:00 PDT

I have to admit - even though I have a job (and grateful for that everyday), in my own way, I am feeling the effects of the economy. Helping family out with money, juggling things around... To be expected, of course.

But I've allowed myself to be consumed with the images and media around me. The struggle, increase in unemployment... And then, I'm suddenly agonizing over things I wasn't exactly tripping over before. However, because of the state of our country, I feel like I should fret and be concerned.

Then, a friend posted this NY Times Op-Ed on Facebook and suddenly, I'm humbled. It's written by a woman who doesn't have a job, and what her career struggle has been since then. But, she talks about working for free, and realizing that while she does need a job, any job, her time is valuable - even if she can't "measure" that in paychecks. In the process of these unpaid jobs, she's keeping her skills fresh and making the most of it.

Truth is, we can all go either way, and it's not until a situation has to get much worse for a person to realize that you need to do what it is you need to do to get by. I mean, I wonder (and hope) that I would have the strength to do it if I needed to. After all, we're never given anything we can't handle right?

In the meantime, though, I will keep perspective and stay grateful for what I do have - because you never know when it will all change.

Rebuilding

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 19:21:00 PDT

We're reminded of the truth of this economy every day: in the news, reduced pricing in stores, television commercials...

But then you read stories like these, of a man who lived the high life, now struggling to make ends meet by serving the high class food he used to eat. It's things like these that make it much more real.

And it's sobering how quickly things change at the drop of a hat, and out of your control. To think that one day you have it all, and then the next - nothing is like you know it.

But, I'm still a fan of living life the only way you know how and with the information you have - realizing that we'll all need to rebuild at some point.

Top Reality TV Strategies & Storylines

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:34:00 PDT

Admittedly, I am quite addicted to reality TV. It's true. I can't help it. It's so mindless and easy to watch. Well, unless you're me. Then you're reading all sorts of deep messages about the statements it makes on gender, sexuality, socio-economic status... Yes, that's the curse of being a social science geek.

Anyway, I'll skip that jazz for now. That's not what this is about.

Instead, in watching my reruns of all the VH1 "faves," I'm finding that there are several things I just expect when watching reality TV. This is NOT an exhaustive list, but just some of the things I tend to notice on these types of programs. Also welcome any other things you're used to seeing!

1. Exposure: Yes, you know what I'm talking about -- the person on TV trying to "promote" something, or "is just there for the cameras." They can sing, dance, whatever... But just need that "big break" to catapult them into the fame they deserve. Countless wannabe models make it onto Rock of Love, I Love New York, For the Love of Ray J... Yeah, it's the quest for fame. (My take? Why you would choose a show like THAT to launch your career? Something else entirely...)

2. Fakeness: Honestly, this is my personal favorite. It seems to be the easiest tactic -- accuse someone of not being "who they are," and it causes more cat fights than a back alley battle over the last scrap of food in the garbage. It works though -- the fights that blow up are SOOOO worth watching.

3. Keeping Walls Up: For some reason, "dating" someone for a few weeks on national television makes you an expert on the walls they are keeping up. Because, of course, in the middle of the booze and table dances, all these "celebs" want is love... Right? Um, yeah...

4. Having "Another One" on the side: This one is tried and true. As far as I can tell, on almost EVERY show I've seen, at least one contestant is hiding a secret -- they have a live in boyfriend, they're "separated," they're in a committed relationship. BUT -- things are SO bad with this partner (with whom they've been with for YEARS) that they need to come on a reality TV show to find love without finding closure with the other person in their lives.

5. Not Ready for Something Serious: This one cracks me UP. With the volumes of partying that happens at these houses, it's amusing that these people are talking about professing love and wanting others to do that in such a short window of time. It doesn't help that these things are greatly intensified on TV, and reason for which most of these relationships don't last.

These are just my take on it. Doesn't mean I'll stop watching though...

Economy Blues & Twitter Rules

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:41:00 PDT

So where have I been, you wonder? :-) I know, I know. It's been a while. Lots of things got in the way and I'm slowly catching my breath on the whirlwind it's been. The demands of my family, and keeping myself in check got the best of me. And, I don't believe posting to a blog should be for the sake of posting.

But, I can also say the environment around me has played huge part in my motivation. Which, I know can seem like it's all in a person's head when you hear all the press, but seriously! Gallup says it's possible... And then stories like this one AND this one don't help it any.

Hard times to live in -- but times that we must plug through. I know that many people have felt the sting in some fashion, and it's even come close to home... However, I find myself saying a quiet prayer for those carrying the difficult burdens of now, and silently waiting for the day when things are a little lighter in the atmosphere again.

While our economy is on the decline and motivations drop, I've found a strange solace in Twitter, once unknown, has soared in popularity and great news fodder. And, it's amazing what I'm finding on here. People talking about anything -- and in quick and to the point ways, when the urge strikes them! Small, but simple and practical idea. A room to sound off and in real time. AND you can do it from anywhere. Doesn't get much better than that.

Here's the truth: Twitter is on a great upward trend and may continue to do so. And admittedly, I was a little thrown. Human thought, down to 140 characters? A post? That could make chatty people like me nervous...

But there's a dynamic about it -- like text messages, you're forced to get to the post and provide bite-sized digestible pieces of news. You know what? It's actually quite possible to do.

So if you're looking for quick real time conversation about anything, that may be a good place to do it. :-) There are a lot of voices out there. And, you're not as alone as you think.

Who knows? Maybe I'll see you on there!

Take a Bow, Chris Brown

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 08:19:00 PST

As a pop music fan, I was BLOWN AWAY (no kidding) by the Chris Brown/Rihanna incident. To see this young, attractive music power couple in this difficult situation was rather sobering. In a matter of seconds, it was a cold, hard reminder that no one is exempt to making troubled choices.

Granted, this is no news flash. How often have we heard about celebrities and drunk driving, or lashing out at the press or something?

No, but domestic violence. This is pretty touchy. If it happens, it happens behind closed doors. Not cast out in such a way for public scrutiny. The sad thing is that they're so young - but it doesn't mean they're exempt from the same things that make us tick. And that includes sordid pasts or trouble with family.

No, the difference is that they're expected to convince us of the illusion that it is possible to have it all and look great doing it.

But as this incident will prove it, illusions are just that - illusions. And maybe it's not so much sweeter on the other side.

Blagojevich's Next Steps

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 21:42:00 PST

I am SO not sick of the Blagojevich situation. Seriously! I've been following it, getting my fill on the state of his political career/future and the knack he has for media, apparently.

No matter which way you slice it, all this is unbelievably laughable. The man goes on a full scale media blitz to prove his innocence as opposed to proving himself to the people that matter most. The American public sure weren't the ones voting on his future.

In all honesty, I thought the whole situation, including his treatment of it was disrespectful to those that actually voted him in office, and to his small but supportive public.

Not to mention the fact that all this really was publicly embarrassing. It's bad enough that Chicago has a rep for corrupt politics. Throw in his wrongdoings and it proves everyone right! There's no winning this one for Blago.

In all honesty? I can't wait for the movie/book/musical - whatever. You know the offers will likely be pouring in to buy the rights to this stuff... It'll be like Amy Fisher and the 5 versions of the "Long Island Lolita" story that ran all over television! I think every network had that on, and in New York, every newspaper reviewed each movie to determine which one was the most factual.

Either way, I guess he figured he would go down swinging if he was going to go down. I just wished he hadn't done it by tarnishing a political system and people he was supposed to serve.

The Relationship Diva is Back

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 21:34:00 PST

Hi there,

For relationship chatter, visit www.therelationshipdiva.com!

Everything else? This is still the place to be...

Happy reading,

The AD

The Personal Choices of Race

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 20:15:00 PST

With our first African-American president being sworn in a little more than a week away, the pride in Obama swells and millions of Americans have a new hope that anything is possible. However, as we get closer and closer to Inauguration, the age old Race issue continues to captivate the public on a local and national level.

Note: In this entry, I will limit the race discussion specifically as it relates to Obama. However, it's critical to state that race is a broader issue that includes many facets, voices, colors and ethnicities.

What's interesting about the debate now is the fact that recent media stories have engaged the debate of how it is Obama chooses to identify (as African-American over biracial), implying that some white audiences may almost be insulted by his choice, or may not understand the reason for him selecting "African-American" over "Half-White."

The reality is, that at the end of the day, he is a product of his experience. And, if for most of his life, he's been treated or believed himself to be African-American, is he expected to disown that? Especially when even 30 years ago, there was still tension in how African-Americans were received. Even today, there are still tensions when it comes to the issue of identity.

Identity is such a personal thing, that no one can dictate that for any other person. Least of all the man who will become our next president.

This story is further discussed in last Thursday's issue of Chicago's Red Eye (a publication of the Chicago Tribune) when journalist Kyra Kyles explores whether racism is really a dying concept.

The reality? Obama's selection as president is a HUGE move for the American people. It offers the hope of politics transcending barriers, supporting the clear vision that a candidate has for the future of a nation.

While I am still working through my feelings on the race issue and Obama, I must admit that I am impressed at the choice of the American people. Either way, the fact is that the election is the first (major) step in an ongoing dialogue about race. And to be honest, it's long overdue.

So Barack's selection isn't a first just because of his race; it's a first because it blows open the door to a conversation topic that has been a sensitive issue in our social fabric since pretty much the beginning of time.

Breaking Down the "Rich" Complaint

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 09:08:00 PST

You know, I read an article in Reuters this morning that blew my mind. Specifically, those with households of $1 million or more are now complaining that they won't have enough assets to maintain their lifestyles, and most of them blame those that manage their finances.

Admittedly, I chuckled a bit. Not because this is funny - this economy thing is NOT funny - but because these people have annual salaries of $1 MILLION or more and are complaining. Maybe this is a lesson in downsizing? People function on much less are happy, and as long as you spend on the needs with money to spare, what else is there?

I mean, if anything I would think this crisis offers insight into being thankful, not hate your financial advisor. Chances are, he's in a worse slump than his clients.

Is that oversimplified? Well, maybe it is, but this is one of those things that doesn't seem all that hazy to me. People are losing homes, can't afford medical bills, struggling to pay current bills, buy food... I would wager that if you can still afford most of these things, but need to cut back? Then consider yourself lucky.

The Parting of the Blogs

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 17:56:00 PST

In order to keep the order between blogs (since there's so very much to say on so many different things), I've split this into two: One Blog focused solely on relationships (based on my "She Says" posts), and "Musings" to continue deconstructing everything else like I usually do.

I hope you'll read both, but this is to keep the different topics in their own worlds. If you'd like to read my previous "She Says" posts, you're welcome to do so here; otherwise, you'll now find them on "The Relationship Diva."

Thanks, and happy reading!

UPDATE: I've got a couple of things to revisit, so I will be postponing the second blog at this moment. :-) So in the meantime, it's all staying here.

That said, there is TOO much in the world going. So you can expect to hear lots more from me.

Signed,

The Analytical Diva

The Fame Drug

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 09:38:00 PST

Ok, so because I am a blind optimist (and I have a secret addiction to reality television), I made the mistake of tuning in to watch "Confessions of a Teenage Idol," one of VH1's latest attempts to replace quality programs such as the classics "Rock of Love," "Flavor of Love," both of the Scott Baio reality shows (don't sound familiar? GOOD!) and of course "I Love New York."

Laugh all you like (heck, I am) but truth be told? These shows are FASCINATING social science models, and fodder for any over-analytical brainy type (myself included): Sociology, anthropology, psychology, economics - in some form you can find it on one of these shows. I mean seriously, where else can you be entertained AND watch people make a total mockery of sex, money, love, fame... And then on top of all that, try to exploit what little recognition they get for a total of 3 minutes, only to join another poorly thought out program, try to claim fame again, only to have the public think even less of the little they were thought of when they were on the air in the first place?

That said, I find them fascinating, and I continue to be blown away by what people are willing to do.

Anyway, this show, which premieres today on VH1, took a number of teen idols (I swear, I only knew like 3 of them, maybe because many of them were before my time) and puts them in a house together to undergo group therapy and take on a series of challenges to give them a second shot at fame.

Immediately, I'm thinking of that boy band show on VH1 that took '90s pop icons that even I loved (*NSYNC, Color Me Badd, 98 Degrees, LFO) and tries to give them their chance to "shine" again. The show aired a year ago, and I have yet to see them anywhere. That blows, because I really wanted that to land, sadly enough.

But I digress. The thing that kills me about this latest VH1 creation is that these men, who have been through all sorts of financial/legal/sexual/family/etc. troubles now realize that they want back the one thing they had that put them there: fame.

I am NOT speaking ill of fame. I think everyone's craved it and thought it would answer everything. But seriously: there are still many famous people that started out young, and in some way manage to hold on (Think: Demi Moore, Brooke Shields, Tom Hanks). Granted this is not common, but the point is not everyone has a rough fall from grace. It's like Scott Baio says in the season opener: "Fame is fleeting." You don't know what you got 'til it's gone, do you?

Anyway, I guess I wonder what having it back a second time around will mean for these men. Ultimately, the only thing I could reason (as much as one can reason about reality television), is simply the fact that they don't know/want to lead a normal life because their self-worth hinged on the adoration of a cruel and forgetful public, and a status that like youth and time, is gone before you know it.

But the clincher here is that in the end, while these shows may give them some mild fame (and in one or two rare cases propel people into the limelight) they do nothing more to magnify the things that brought these people down, a few weeks to escape the lives they currently lead, and give home audiences a chance to chuckle and to shake their heads in disbelief at what has become of the stars they thought once had it all.

Meanwhile, these guys move around aimlessly, hoping for a quick taste of the light again.

I guess some drugs are harder to cure. Crazy, huh?

She Says: The Ex Factor

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 20:51:00 PST

This weekend, I hit the bar scene in my hometown, meeting up with a bunch of friends from my early schooling years. Since I head out there so rarely, I'd invited everyone - even a couple of old flames, although no one I expected to show. However, while out on the scene, the first guy I see across the room immediately caught my eye and I felt my heart stop. For lack of creativity, we'll call him John. Suddenly, I knew the night would be a little more interesting.

Anyway, there he was, standing tall and confident, his lips curved into that same smile that made my heart skip a beat - and turned me into a 16 year old smitten little girl. John was talking up some pretty ladies, and suddenly, I didn't know how to talk to him. Seriously. I mean, I know I invited him, but the security I felt early on in the evening was gone. Just like that. I was older, cuter, more confident, and successful, but yet my feet were frozen in place.

I snapped out of it rather quickly and made my way over. He smiled wider when he saw me, lifting me off the ground and wrapping his arms around me. And for a bit, I felt tingly all over, all the sexual tension we had came rushing back.

He wasn't there too much longer - almost as though he waited for me - but before leaving he laid a soft kiss on my lips with his hands on my hips. What a tease, right?

Chalk it up to the holidays, the desire to reminisce, the desire I had to flirt or the fact that he meant a lot during my teen years, but I couldn't help but feel smitten all over again. I mean, the tension was so sexy...

He's always been about the thrill of the chase, and I am sure, that if I were closer around (than, say, 800 miles away), it wouldn't be quite the same for him. Or would it?

But a girl never forgets it when she's sprung. Or I don't. It doesn't happen too often, after all. :-)

Wish I could say more happened that night. But like my teens, the buck stopped before things ever got very far. Doesn't stop that whole "moth to a flame" thing I feel though.

In the meantime, memories may just have to do - unless he wants to rack up some airline miles on a three day weekend.

There's nothing like the spark of an old flame to excite a girl. :-)

Dear Life: Thanks...(For now!)

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 20:01:00 PST

So here's a "special" entry. My Open Letter to Life.

Merry Christmas!

Dear Life,

I've managed to live twenty-something years of my life, and yet it never ceases to amaze me how much we evolve as people and how much we change.

However, what amazes me most is how much I can never stop being surprised by the little things life brings my way. This year has brought me a solid foundation for a career, a break-up, painful exchanges between friends, wonderful new friends, and budding prospects at romance - a roller coaster of events that can give Danielle Steel a new generation of material to write about. But, still, stuff that's made an impact.

We take so much for granted. And today, on this day of celebration, and as we approach the new year, it's important we remember that for all that can happen... There's always those things to appreciate. It may not happen at the same time... But there's always something.

So I want to thank you for giving me things to embrace, giving me things to ponder, giving me things to hurt about, giving me things to love -- but making me stronger. And giving me another year to look forward to and build upon.

I won't even take this time to talk about troubled relationships, confusing questions, career concerns... No, that's another letter. :-)

I'm grateful today, remember? I'll wait until tomorrow to pick it all apart again.

Yours,

The Anaytical Diva

She Says: The 80/20 Factor

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 04:48:00 PST

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday, who was feeling a sense of frustration - she has a male friend, that, as she put it, seems to give so much more to than he does to her. Talking to her about this, I couldn't help make a connection to a basic principle of business -- the 80/20 rule. Essentially, 80% of all business comes from a solid 20% client base. Interesting principle - institutions have been set up on this

But then it applies to relationships -- think Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? (Have you ever seen it? If not, I'd advise renting it!) In it, Jill Scott's character is married to man that emotionally abuses her, and he ultimately leaves her for his younger, thinner mistress. Later, when the male characters are speaking, they discuss the 80/20 rule, distinguishing between fantasy and reality. Essentially, the "80" is equivalent a woman that would have it all, verses the "20," which is another woman, that is often good for the superficial, but often lacks the substance of the "80." The following blog explains it further.

At the end of the movie, Jill Scott's character's husband, when he sees the transformation his ex-wife makes, mistakenly references the "20/80 rule." Having found her strength, she puts him in his place, corrects him about the rule, and dismisses the attention he gives her (go Jill go!) as he realizes he had his "80" in her.

It's human nature, when we have our "80" in front of us, to wander and wonder what if with a "20." However, what it boils down to is simple: either appreciate what you have, or spend forever looking for pieces when all along you had your rock.

I'm wrapping my head around this one - it makes so much sense it's scary, don't you think?

She Says: The Pretty Boy

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 19:51:00 PST

Here's the truth: One of the types of guys I was attracted to all during my teens was the quintessential pretty boy. You know what I'm talking about: softer features, clean cut... Sometimes, they may even outdress you, or have way too much more style, in which case you'd need to wonder what you bring to the relationship (and that would make him a metrosexual, but that's another conversation).

However, Pretty Boys can be super intimidating, with their style and put togetherness... Not to get all stereotypical, but it can be daunting as heck when your boyfriend, a cutie pie extraordinare, is just too cute... And not necessarily overly put together, but just has the gentlest features that make you wonder if he just needs a girl as pretty as him to kind of balance him out.

I recently bumped into one of my Pretty Boy friends - one I used to pine for because he was pretty it was a little daunting. If I had it together, he had it more together. And with his perfect physique (NO joke), and wide smile with symmetrical features, I felt that he needed the girl version of himself.

Don't get it twisted. I like the way I look. But if he were a girl, I could see myself being a little jealous. (*Insert Smile Here*) I mean how can you not be a little intimidated?

But, at second glance, I realized: any guy that pretty can't be all that perfect. I like my men a little rugged. And then I can bring the cute into it all -- keeping a "Ying Yang" effect on things, if you will - thus maintaining much more of a balance, don't you think?

Open to feedback on this one. Haven't delved into this one nearly enough yet.

She Says: Holiday Affection

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 10:40:00 PST

What IS it about the holidays that gets people all warm and fuzzy? Maybe it's the cold outside, or that warm feeling of togetherness... But holidays in general get people all wound up.

I know I've been the victim of this warm feeling that the holidays cause. Starting with Thanksgiving and spilling through the New Year, you can't help but want someone by your side to keep you warm during the nights, or to bring home while your family embarrasses you!

Now, my family is intense and I'm not craving the possibility of bringing someone into that. However, I have to admit, the sight of all things related to the holiday make me all warm and fuzzy inside. I would say that for me, the feeling started right after Halloween and will go away on January 2. :-)

But then there's the chance to meet a bunch of other fun singles to start of the new year, isn't there?

I guess there ARE ups to this whole thing.

She Says: What About Your Friends?

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 13:09:00 PST

When I was younger, I loved the group TLC. You know what I'm talking about: T-Boz, Left Eye and Chili? They had funky clothes, fun beats, and animated videos. I didn't always get the messages to their songs, but all that mattered to me was that they were catchy.

The other day, I heard a familiar song -- "What About Your Friends." I didn't know much about the lyrics, so I decided to search them online. It has been over 15 years after all. And what it boils down to: "Will your friends be around when you need them the most?"

I know that my closest friends have been my friends for years, and people that I believe I would go through the fire with because they trust me, and I trust them. And no matter what, you can lean on them, and they can lean on you.

Maybe I'm naive, but when I go into my friendships, I go into all of them expecting them to last forever. And to me, my friends are heroes. Any people that can listen to me fret as often as I do would have to be a hero in my book. :-)

I also know I've been burned deep when I've had friendships change. I guess it's hard when you've positioned someone in one way, and somewhere, when you weren't looking, it's no longer quite what you thought.

That said, I want to always be that for them. It's so hard when you're immersed in trouble spots in your life to see outside of that sometimes. And, I want to always come back to Earth and be their rock.

I guess it's the price that comes with getting older and friendships are harder than they used to be. And that's real. But still, you know? The truth is, I guess it's part of the growing pains, isn't it? It may be, but I'm not ready to let go quite that easily. I try whenever I can, and as hard as it may get to face the reality of what things are from what they used to be.

And so it goes: "What about your friends?"

Good question.

She Says: Breaking Up is Hard... But Letting Go? Yeah...

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 03:49:00 PST

Here's the truth: I've rarely dated seriously. And, what's more, in the serious dating I've done, I've not had the opportunity to be the "break-up-ee." And, for a type A control nut like me, that's an especially difficult pill to swallow when you grow to care about someone in a way you're not used to caring about someone.

I saw an ex, probably the most "important" ex I've had to date, and it still kills me that we're not together (Oh believe me, that is another VERY interesting story I won't tell now). Anyway, the feelings ran deep, so deep, and while it's all said and done, it kills me to see him and think of what we had... I still miss him, and there are times I want to do nothing more than to pick up the phone and call, or run to his apartment and into his arms and tell him about the crazy day that only he would understand.

But, then I think about the emotional turmoil he put me through and I snap back to attention. "There WAS a reason you broke up," I remind myself.

That makes it better sometimes. But that feeling has a way a resurfacing at your weakest points. Or when your teddy bear isn't enough.

I know that there will be another one to take that place. Until you find "The One," there always is. However, until I get to that point, I stand by my willpower, and know memories are enough until I let myself fall again.

Still a Black/White Thing

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 22:14:00 PST

If I may put my relationship rantings on hold for a moment, I want to share a quick anecdote about an experience tonight that reiterates to me the prevalence of the Black/White dichotomy.

While watching the Election at a bar with a predominantly white population, I sat at a mixed table of people, the only clearly visible woman of color present in the small venue. Upon learning that Obama had become the new President-Elect, my friends and I waited patiently for McCain's speech. After giving a gracious speech, many people began to clear out. At that point, an African-American man walked directly over to me, shook my head and congratulated me. With confusion, clear on my face, I simply asked: "What for?" The man simply smiles and leaves the bar without even waiting for Obama's acceptance speech.

At this point, my first thought was that he was a McCain supporter, coming to salute the only person he felt would appreciate the comment. Then I thought he may have been an Obama supporter, still believing that I would be the only person to understand the significance of tonight.

Regardless of his personal alignments (which I find to be somewhat irrelevant), he made two assumptions that left me extremely angry: First, he completely disregarded the fact that I was at a table surrounded by Obama supporters, singling me out because he thought it "meant more." This I find to be ignorant, given the company surrounding me.

Second, he made a vast assumption about my ethnicity (I am of Latin American ancestry) and my political allegiance. I find this to be equally troublesome, as it has become clear in our election process that no one factor can be the sole dictator for what political ideologies a person may have, including race.

While I am still blown away by that offensive remark, I don't believe that anything can truly justify such an action. I can only hope people continue to learn and grow before making such presumptuous statements.

In the meantime, I will continue to react so that no one ever thinks remarks like that can go without being addressed.

We can only hope for continued growth and awareness of social perceptions. Otherwise, how much will we really have grown as a country?

Election 2008: Obama Opens the Gates to a New Political Era

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 22:00:00 PST

When Obama received the nomination, I was blown away by the number of people who rolled up their sleeves in efforts to get him elected. I believe much of this has to do with the belief of what he represents: ideals, democracy, prosperity, serving Middle Class America. However, I believe the big driving factor was the disappointment of the last two elections, and the lukewarm sentiments about the last candidates. While qualified, they didn't do the one thing Obama does rather easily, and has done for America since taking the podium at the Democratic National Convention in 2004: Obama INSPIRES. He inspires an idealism in a new generation, a youthful one, and one that the White House has not seen in quite some time.

It's not about Black and White. It's about unified. And I think Barack brings a vision America needs in a time of despair for many.

I am honored to be living in this moment of history, to experience something I was doubtful about in my own lifetime. Tonight's election restored a little bit of hope in me.

Although I have no idea what the next four years will bring, I do believe that tonight's election was that start, paving a path that our country has needed for quite some time.

America, get ready. :-) It's the start of a new era.

She Says: Dating Just Cause

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 15:28:00 PST

Here's a truth about me: Historically, I've never been that great at casual dating. That is, dating just because. I never have been, really. To be honest, it's not like I haven't tried (and I've got the field notes to prove it). But it's almost because I find it pointless to date people that you feel somewhat lukewarm about just for the sake of dating them. ESPECIALLY if you know what it is that you want. Blame this on my focused, Type A persona, why don't you?

Granted, I'm still in my 20s, and you SHOULD enjoy that time in your life. Trust me, I have so far. The first few years were certainly great to me (and stories not to be told quite here). However, the fact of the matter is that now that I'm past that phase, dating gets to be a strategic whittling down process.

I know it seems clear that this is the POINT of dating. But my last couple of experiences have enlightened me enough to think that maybe it's not the craziest thing in the world to do -- date without "purpose", that is. Sometimes, it's about the moment. And I wasn't seeing it quite that way before. Plus, the guys I see know I'm not pushing them into anything. I, after all, have my own agenda. And, for now (and until I meet The One), mine is having fun.

Now more than ever is when all that guy advice makes sense to me: don't stress, go with the flow, blah, blah. Understanding this, I think, is the sexiest thing. Maybe even sexier than any little black dress?

Wait, not quite. I don't want to exaggerate it that much. :-)

She Says: Disappearing Acts

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:59:00 PDT

Lots of things disappear: I know I did for a bit (due to the seasons changing, under the weather, and recovery), but that's over for now. My sincerest apologies that I've been behind on my soapbox chatter, but rest assured, I have enough fuel to keep me going.

That said, I want to immediately flip the script to the concept of disappearing when it comes to people.

Sometimes, it just seems much easier to up and vanish as opposed to transitioning out of a relationship you may have with someone. Friendship, relationship, whatever.

I have friends that vanish and reappear -- very "here today, gone tomorrow." Not ones I consider steady friends, so I don't sweat it.

And this is no less when it comes to dating: Men that seem to be working out great when they pull a disappearance that would have made Houdini's head spin.

I won't use this space to rant out the particulars. But, I don't get it when people do that and leave someone hanging. I admit to having disappeared on a man or two in my past. However, since I HATE how it felt when it was done to me I switched it up - and started being straight up when I wasn't into something or someone. Why play the game and have people wonder?

Point here is quite simple: Don't underestimate people. Try honesty. You're doing everyone a favor.

Think about a time you disappeared. Was it worth it? Why was it better to do that?

Whatever your reason, it couldn't have been so bad that you couldn't say something. Could it have?

Damn this whole fear thing. It really gets in the way.

She Says: Friday Night Bars

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 00:12:00 PDT

So, I made the horrible mistake of going out to the bar in my area. Sure, it was a Friday night, but I'm so over it, and besides -- going to bars is no way to spend good money. Give me a nice pair of shoes, nice wine or great meal ANY day. I actually went out with the intention of seeing a neighbor and friend at a party of hers. I never made it there, because of how lousy the bar scene was, and how drunk my friend had gotten before we had a chance to make it there. But we won't go there.

Anyway, the scene was as I expected: a large college party with guys trolling the scenes and girls shimmying up to get the guys to notice. Sigh.

Now, what blows my mind is what some women do to get attention: dancing on top of the guy, or on top of their girlfriends to get their attention just to feed any male fantasy? Don't get it twisted - dancing with your girls is fine. But often you can tell when it's just a bit much.

Anyway, I met a group of guys that kept talking to me, with one of their friends reminding me of guys I met in the past. One of them, "Derek" bought us beers (even though he'd asked what I liked, and got me another instead) and my friend and I chatted with him and his friend "Sam". Derek also kept sticking his ass out at me to grab it, which was, well... Idiotic, I'd say? I guess it was an awkward attempt to get at me, and his wingman, Sam, was talking to my friend. However, it appears that Sam may have just been doing his job until Derek seemed settled. He promptly disappeared to hang out with a girl in their extended group.

Within 5 minutes of meeting us, Derek invited us to his house the next afternoon to hang out. He'd be watching some games with his buddies, and he wanted to invite "gorgeous women" over to his place.

Later, Derek kept reciting his address, and asking if we'd go. By the time I managed to peel my friend out of the bar, I'd rolled my eyes. He'd "invited" us, yes, but the chances that he'd remember are slim to none if we factor how much drinking he may have done.

And, well... It seems LAZY that as opposed to asking for a phone number, he'd give an address and expect us to find our way over. It's like the boys in college that invite you to the frat house for "the biggest party ever" when you realize it's their efforts to admire a plethora of women.

In any case, it's Saturday morning, and I have to laugh it off. But man, staying on my couch with a glass of wine and movie seems SO much sexier!

She Says: 70s TV & Relationships Examined

noreply@blogger.com (Analytical Diva) — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 06:48:00 PDT

Although born after the 1970s, I loved 70s TV. Its topics were a lot more real, and did a lot more exploration of lifestyles outside the "norm" for that time. Nowadays, that's not uncommon but we need to think about what was going on then to consider it revolutionary: our country in transition, Civil Rights, Women's Lib, Vietnam War... And just out of the "simpler" time of the 1950s. I mean, face it: it was country-crisis time.

In "Three's Company," we have two girls and a guy, single living in hot, sunny CA... In "The Jeffersons," we have the exploration of an upper middle class Black family.. "All in the Family" breaks down the everyday life of a narrow minded, bigot of a man and his family... And in "One Day at a Time," we have newly divorced Ann Romano taking life into her own hands to start again as a single woman with two teen daughters.

It's the latter I want to take a peek at. I was watching a rerun last night about the main character Ann, and her reluctance to head to a singles bar while her daughters are away. Through coaxing by her friend and neighbor, she goes and witnesses how the "single and ready to mingle" live on a Friday night in 1970s Indianapolis. After witnessing men make the rounds, and the women who accept and reject their advances, she realizes that people need people. And, that's when she is aware of how much she has going for herself.

I LOVE going out. I get to do it less these days as most of my friend are in long term monogamous relationships and spend time with their significant others.

But I notice that when I go out, it's a lot like Ann. Which is when I smiled to myself, realizing I can take a lesson from 70s TV: people out there want something and someone. So the bar scene I go to, although 35 years later, isn't so different.

Who knew? Wondering what I can get out of watching a little Jack Tripper...