The littlest one spoke up.  “I’m in third grade, and he’s in first grade, pointing to her brother.” The guests smiled in amusement.

My 13-year-old decided to egg her on a little bit. “If you’re in third grade, you know the times table, right?”

“Lo hitpasti,” she answered immediately. Translation: I haven’t caught on yet.

He asked her if she knew any of the times table. Her answer: “I know the multiples of zero.”

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Yesterday someone named named Trudy left the following comment:

We spent our sabbatical year in Israel in 07-08. It was a fabulous experience. I agree with most of the observations/comments above. For me, the most striking thing was the bad behaviour of the children AND the adults who had obviously been parented in a similar manner. Don’t get me wrong. My children also misbehave, but the difference is that, when they do, I notice, I care and I act. Many Israeli parents do not notice, care or act. They are raising another generation of rude, spoiled children. I had visited Israel 3 times before our sabbatical year and, of course, I noticed and experienced the rude behaviour of both adults and children. However, over the course of the year, this aspect of Israeli culture REALLY began to wear on me. It was embarrassing, as a Jew, to imagine what non-Jewish tourists thought of “us” as Jews. They are not just seeing rude Israelis, they are seeing rude Jews. Many of the Israelis that I spent time with while in Israel were also embarrassed by the behaviour of their fellow Israelis and their children. The difference, in almost every case, was that the people I spent time with – family and friends – had themselves lived in Canada or the US.

I should state again, because this reads as very negative. We loved our time in Israel and look forward to future vacations there. And to be sure, there are things that Israeli parents probably do a better job of than North American parents.

Mimi of Israeli Kitchen responded:

Trudy’s comments about Israeli behavior are unfortunately accurate. By American/Canadian lights, there is no culture of politeness here – no customer service – lots of confrontation.

On the other hand, it’s necessary not to care what outsiders might think if Israel is to survive in an anti-Semitic, anti-Israel world.

My Canadian sister almost dies of embarrassment when I respond to confrontation from people on the street. (I’ve lived here 33 years.)  She would much rather that I backed down, and answered softly to defuse the situation. She covers her face and shakes her head when I answer back.

My sis comes from a country with secure borders. A country whose citizens don’t experience the daily, hourly personal and national stress that we have. With a larger middle class used to more leisure and more material comfort, consideration and politeness come easier, maybe.

My life experience is different. I’ve sat in buses wondering if I’ll make it to my destination, or if my destiny will be to get blown up by a suicide bomber in the next few minutes. My children have attended funerals of kids their own ages, victims of terror. I look at my precious little grandchildren and pray that peace will come before they reach army age.

If there’s one thing rude Israeli culture has taught me, it’s that it takes assertiveness to survive.

So yes, Israelis are missing an essential element in that which lubricates social relations. It hurts us here and abroad. I’m perfectly willing to own that many of us need to be educated in manners, consideration, trust and trustworthiness.

But that hard, assertive core keeps us alive. No apologies for that.

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• I was taught never to invite myself to someone’s house, but in Israel it’s okay for a kid to call and ask if she can come over.
• Playdates never start before 4 PM and usually later, even though school is usually over at 1 PM.
• Bamba or some other snack food is always served.
• Playdates often last till 6:30 PM, 7 or even later, in which case the guests are invited for dinner. In Israel, lunch is the main meal and dinner is bread, an omelet, chumus and salad.

A reader sent me a playdate question, but I have not experienced this. I usually need to ask how the kids played. I am turning the question over to you:

Parents have often told me after my children played at their house that my children were a pleasure to have over.  I always took their comments at face value (especially since they said this at a later date, not necessarily right after the playdate), and was pleased to think that my children were nice and well mannered.

Recently it occurred to me to wonder if this is standard for parents to say to other parents, and that maybe I am expected to say this too.  I do tell parents when their children are extra polite and pleasant, but too often that is not the case.   I am polite to the children and the parents but I don’t generally tell them how wonderful the kids are, unless I honestly felt they were. My question is, am I expected to tell parents what a pleasure their children were when they play here?  What have other parents experienced?

Comments are still coming in on What Defines Israeli Parenting.

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Agricultural Traffic Circle

The traffic circle pictured above has an agricultural theme and is adjacent to Gan Hachaklaim, the “farmers’ park.” The park features a collection of agricultural equipment from Jewish farms in the late 19th century.

Links for today:

Yeshiva University’s Guide to Israel Programs for post-high school students.

Coffee and Chemo on a ban on Israeli breast cancer researchers by a well-known foundation.

At PhD in Parenting, guest poster Erin analyzes breastfeeding “information” provided by a formula company.

Simply Jews presents Haveil Havalim.

And the “Taliban mother” is sentenced to four years in jail for child abuse.

The Jerusalem District Court on Tuesday sentenced to four years in prison the woman who the media have nicknamed the “Taliban mother” – because she covers herself from head to toe in clothing – over three months after this mother of 12 was convicted on at least 25 counts of assault in aggravated circumstances.

Her husband was sentenced to six months in jail after he was convicted on at least 10 counts of the same crime. Although he was charged with assaulting his children, the main allegation against him was that he did nothing to stop his wife’s abuse.

The mother arrived at the hearing, which was held behind closed doors, draped in her customary layers of black clothing which prevented her from seeing where she was going. She had to be guided by prison service officers down the hall from the elevator to the courtroom.

In her sentencing, Judge Nava Ben-Or wrote that the crimes committed by the mother were grave and that she had no choice but to sentence her to jail, even though it was clear the woman suffered from a severe personality disorder, “in order to express revulsion at and rejection of her deeds.”

But Ben-Or added that she also had to consider factors calling for leniency, particularly the fact that several of her children had testified as character witnesses on behalf of their parents and pleaded with the court not to send them to jail.

I also read that the judge criticized the haredi community and welfare authorities for the fact that this went on for so long.

Read more about this hyper-modesty, this woman and her followers. Commenters debated at the time about whether or not she was mentally ill. In a radio  interview, her daughter said that her mother’s standards of modesty have nothing to do with Judaism or Jewish law, and they stem from mental illness.

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Fine-Toothed Comb

(Bonus Below: A Mother in Israel’s Ultimate Guide to Lice Removal)

“Are you going to post about the lice?,” asked my teenage daughter the other night.

I had noticed my 1st-grader scratching her head, and even though it’s been a few years we located a louse right away. Since the best method is thorough, frequent combing, I wasn’t looking forward to the experience. Especially when the subject has long hair and does not always get through daily routines in a timely and calm manner.

“I’ll comb it for you tonight,” my teen offered her sister (and me). The fact is that when you have dealt with lice enough times—they are extremely common here—they stop being repulsive and combing can even be relaxing. And at this point my daughter’s close vision is a lot better than mine. I suggested she offer her services to the public for a fee, but she said it was too boring.

When I advised my little girl to avoid putting her head near those of her friends, she was dismayed. “What, no secrets?”

A Mother in Israel’s Ultimate Guide to Lice Removal

There’s no need to wash pillowcases, brushes, or stuffed animals. Lice need a constant supply of food (blood from the scalp) to survive. Eggs could theoretically hatch away from the head, but the young would not survive for more than a few minutes.

It’s nearly impossible to kill or remove all the eggs in hair. So the key is to comb often enough to catch smaller lice as they hatch and grow, but before they become old enough to lay eggs. This gives you a window of about a week for each individual insect. If a louse lays an egg just before you combed for the first time, it will not hatch for another week. And at first they are so tiny you might miss it with the comb. Two days later, you are more likely to catch it.

Always check everyone in the family.

Two weeks of thorough combing usually does the trick:

• One week to catch the live ones, big and small, while waiting for all of the eggs to hatch out.
• Another few days until the smallest ones grow big enough to catch with the comb.
• Add a couple of extra days in case you missed a few mature ones in the early days.
• If you are still finding insects at the end of two weeks, continue to comb.

I don’t use rosemary or special shampoos, although some people swear by them. Lice are resistant to the shampoos, which generally don’t kill eggs.

There’s no need to buy separate lice combs for each child, just wash well and clean with an old toothbrush after use.

Combing Method:

Comb once every two days. You may prefer to comb every day at first, especially if there is heavy infestation.

1. Wash the child’s hair and rub all over with about a half-teaspoon of conditioner.
2. Use a wide-toothed comb to remove knots.
3. Keep tissues or a small bucket of water for any lice you find.
4. If you like, put a white towel over the child’s shoulders.
5. Comb with a lice comb from the crown of the head to the ends of the hair. Repeat, moving in sections around the head until you get back where you started.
6. Check the comb after each pass through the hair and remove any lice into the water or tissues.
7. Be sure to comb from the scalp through to the ends of the hair.
8. Comb the underside of the hair too.
9. After a few days you will notice fewer insects, but remain vigilant. Don’t allow more than two or at most three days between combings. It’s normal to have a spike in the number of lice after a week or so.
10. When there are fewer insects the combing will go faster, because you won’t spend as much time removing the lice from the comb.
11. Drying with a hair-dryer kills eggs,  but I wouldn’t rely on that alone.

“A Daughter in Israel” adds:

• Get the relatively inexpensive plastic comb that clicks open and closed. You can easily remove lice and eggs from it, and it’s comfortable for both comber and “combee.” The comb we use, Lochdan, is made in Israel by Regev.
• Take special care to comb well around the ears.
• Combing for lice requires a lot of patience.

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I made a Facebook Page for CookingManager.Com. Not only did I create it, I even followed a video tutorial to make an interactive sidebar. The sidebar isn’t much, but according to Facebook none of my friends uses that application. My Facebook fan page is the cutting edge.

My teenage daughter asked me if I was going to blog about a particular thing in our house. It starts with L, ends with E and has four letters and six legs. It will wait for another day. I have too much to say about it to start at 11:00 PM.

Tonight our synagogue had a meeting about a proposal to add a balcony for the women’s section. The plan would involve tearing up the roof and closing the shul for three or four months. It was voted down despite a donation for half the cost. Only one other woman came to the meeting despite repeated requests.

Okay, Baila, I know that if I don’t post you are not going to let me forget it. I’m watching you too.

Have a good night.

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I decided to join Phyllis and Robin (and Baila!) on NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) where you post every day for the month. I'm a day late, but never mind. In addition to my usual topics, I will be sharing pictures from around town. Petach Tikva is full of modern artwork, some good and some notoriously bad. I'll be focusing on the traffic circles, each of which has a unique sculpture or landscaping.]

Today’s post:

People believe that blogging anonymously is easier. You can say whatever you want, however you want, without any consequences. But blogging anonymously is harder than blogging under your real name.

There are good reasons for blogging with a pseudonym. Some bloggers suffer backlash if their views become known. They could lose their jobs, or even be in physical danger. Other bloggers take advantage of a secret identity to talk openly about sensitive, personal issues. This is helpful for readers with similar problems.

But unless one of the above applies to you, I recommend blogging under your real name.

What do you lose when you are no longer anonymous? Well, you’ll have to think twice before telling that nasty story about your neighbor.  People have the mistaken impression that anything goes on the internet. But ranting gets tiresome after a while.

Anonymous blogging is hard because you have to make sure not to share too many details about yourself so you won’t be “outed.” One of the bloggers at the Blogger’s Event talked about how confusing it was to keep track of her two Facebook profiles. She doesn’t want her family to find out about her blog. Being anonymous makes you faceless, and it’s hard to develop real relationships.

Since I’ve put my name to my blog only good things have happened.

1. Subjects. I can write about a whole new range of topics that I couldn’t before, because people would have identified me too easily.
2. Publicity. I have many more readers. I put my blog address on my email signature, add my links to Facebook and pass out a card with the URLs of my sites. People who know you personally are more likely to read than some random person who finds you on the internet.
3. Connection. Blogging anonymously creates distance. Exposure opens you up to closer relationships with your readers.
4. Professional opportunities. I consider my blog part of my writing portfolio. When I was semi-anonymous I could still share but no one searching for my name could find it.
5. Authority and Influence. People take bloggers more seriously when they are open about their identities.
6. Nostalgia. Having your name on your blog means your friends from elementary school can find you easily.

I only took down a few posts when I put my name up on the blog. I was  only semi-anonymous and anyone who cared to know who I was could find out. I do write less about my family but that would have happened anyway.

Bloggers, how did you make the decision about whether to be anonymous? Do you regret it?

If you enjoyed this post you might also like:

Advice for Beginning Bloggers: Allow Full Feeds

Why I Moved My Blog to Wordpress

My New Blog: CookingManager.Com

Commenting on Comments: Building a Blog Community

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Koblenz Traffic Circle

I decided to join Phyllis and Robin (and Baila!) on NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) where you post every day for the month. I’m a day late, but never mind. In addition to my usual topics, I will be sharing pictures from around town. Petach Tikva is full of modern artwork, some good and some notoriously bad. I’ll be focusing on the traffic circles, each of which has a unique sculpture or landscaping.

The traffic circle featured above shows two examples from the exhibit of horses in honor of Petach Tikva’s 125th birthday. They appear in one of the newer neighborhoods, Kfar Ganim Gimmel. Tell me, is it only Israelis who name new developments with numbers?

The traffic circle is in honor of the “twinning” of Petach Tikva with Koblenz, Germany. Petach Tikva has many sister cities including Chicago, which even has a street named after it.

Occasionally taxpayers complain when the mayor decides to visit one of these sister cities. The traffic, though, is in both directions.

Um, the blue one is Koblenz I think.

I’ve written about traffic circles before:

On Hoopoes, Black Cats and Duodecagons I’ll be posting a picture of the updated sculpture.

“Ma,We Live in a Slum” The dangerous intersection I wrote about is now a sodden, muddy mess.

See you tomorrow!

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Jabotinsky Street Submerged in Water

Despite what kids learn in school, there is no fall in Israel. The word stav, used to mean fall in modern Hebrew, means winter in Biblical Hebrew. As it says in Song of Songs 2:11: “Ki hineh hastav avar, hageshem chalaf halach lo,” “Behold the stav has passed, the rain has dispersed and gone on its way.” As you can see from the picture above, the rain has not dispersed and whether you choose to call it stav, winter or fall it is here to stay, at least we hope.

We ran into a huge thunderstorm on our way into Bnei Brak for a shiva call Friday morning. I took this picture on our return to Petach Tikva via Jabotinsky Street. Ahead is the submerged street, a stuck car, and other cars inching through on the left. As we watched trying to decide what to do there were periods when no cars  got through at all.

In the distance you can see the bridge of Highway 4 over the Geha intersection that borders Petach Tikva and Bnei Brak. Jabotinsky is the only way to get under the highway and into Petach Tikva.  We decided to cut out on the left and go the long way around, which took us through Ramat Gan and north Tel Aviv. It was probably the wrong decision, although when we got home we heard they had closed the Geha intersection entirely.

Now we have to find the winter clothes. Instead of the wonderful transitional weather of April and May, we will likely alternate between cold/windy/wet and blazingly hot for a good few weeks. Until now we’ve alternated between blazingly hot and tolerably hot. It seems impossible to believe it will get hot again, but from experience I will keep a few short-sleeved shirts in reach. And if you’re planning to buy winter clothes tomorrow, enjoy the crowds because everyone else will have the same idea.

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Neubach and MK Ronit Tirosh of Kadima claimed the tax was pushed through illegally, bundled with the bill on the state budget. The money doesn’t go toward infrastructure or anything connected to the water crisis, like desalination plants. It was blackmail.

MK Yaakov Litzman of Agudath Yisrael complained about the effect of high water rates on poorer families. Even MKs whose grandchildren visited them over the Sukkot holiday were shocked by their bills. Neubach pointed out that families in lower-income areas are more likely to have poor infrastructure that causes leaks, and of course they suffer most if water rates go up.

So MK Tirosh advocated civil disobedience, advising citizens not to cooperate with the water authority’s request for the number of people in each household. She and Neubach also suggested canceling your standing bank order, delaying payment, deducting extra fees, and “flooding” the water authority with pointless questions. The idea is that the water authority would never dare cut off anyone’s water supply.

Well, fifty percent is a lot (although that may be closed to the “real” price of water). I have no doubt that the tax is flawed and perhaps illegal. I’m not sure about civil disobedience, though. Take it to court or get the law repealed. My son suggested we follow Tirosh’s logic and stop paying our electric bill, to protest the exaggerated salaries and pensions of the government monopoly’s workers.

Most annoying of all was the exchange between Litzman and a man whose name I didn’t catch. He had written an email (to Neubach?) about the effect of the tax on his household. He said that he decided to build a private house, “in a place no one wanted to live” (i.e. he was doing everyone a favor using all that land, although I somehow doubt the area’s property value has decreased). He added a large garden, most of which he allowed to dry up. Because they are only two people their water allocation at the normal rates can’t support the garden.

At this point Litzman interrupted him. “Tell the story! I read your mail and it was so touching.” Apparently, four years ago the man’s son was killed in battle, and the father erected a memorial corner in his garden. Now he is worried that the price of water will get so high that he won’t be able to continue watering the olive tree in memory of his son.

There are so many things wrong with this.

1. You don’t build public policy around one olive tree, no matter how meaningful. Let MKs Tirosh or Litzman propose a law allocating water to preserve special projects.
2. Let’s remember the soldiers who died protecting the Kinneret (Sea of Galilee) in 1967 and 1973. Maybe saving it from ecological destruction will honor them as much as the olive tree honors that man’s son.
3. Let’s remember the current and future soldiers who protect our land and water. I don’t want my sons to have to participate in some future “water war” because Israel let individuals’ interests get in the way of conserving our limited national supply.
4. Litzman is charedi and presumably didn’t send his kids to the army. I bristle at a show of compassion for families of fallen soldiers from people who encourage their kids to opt out while others risk their lives to protect them. I bristle even more when they show compassion to someone who happens to be on the same side in a political argument.

There needs to be healthy debate about water policy in Israel. But Neubach didn’t invite anyone to present a view in supporting of current policy.

No policy will please everyone, and some people will be hurt more than others. That’s how it is whenever you have a tax, fine or rate increase. Neubach’s only positive suggestion was to give discounts to people who save water instead of fining people for wasting it.

I’m no expert on water policy. But I know enough to be disturbed by people who talk as if having as much water as you want at a cheap price is a God-given right. Israel has a finite amount of fresh water, and it’s time we started working together to find solutions.

If you enjoyed this post you may also like:

Water Tax Set to Begin July 1

Water Saving Suggestions

More Water-Saving Suggestions

Making Laundry More Frugal

This is the Way We Wash the Floor

Frugal Strategies for Young Families

Our Israeli Container Garden

Did We Kill the Plants Yet?

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