Amber Benson's Official Blog

You Broke Me A Little Bit

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Wed, 24 Jul 2013 01:10:00 +0000

We repeat patterns. We get those old neural pathways ingrained in our grey matter and the synapses just keep firing over and over again, sending us down the same roads, inflicting us with the same feelings and habits until they're all we know.

That's why change frightens us. It resets those neural pathways, creates more of them, restructures how we think and feel. Change can often be a good thing, but Fear that change won't be good, well, that's why we hold on to the bad things, repeat bad habits. Plus treading those old neural pathways feels good, is pleasurable, even. The familiar just feels 'right'.

Even when it's not.

Sometimes we're no different from those poor carriage horses who have blinders on––they just move forward without thought or context, someone/something else guiding their path. That's what happens to us when we get set in our ways and take the easy road that feels familiar––when we should take the hard road, the one that will make us grow.

Robert Frost had it right in The Road Not Taken.

Today I had one of those neural pathway moments. It was not good. My expectations were such that I went right to that bad place in my mind––a place created by years of one, particular kind of experience. When I realized where I had gone, and how my brain had craved the bad, suspicious feelings...it made me cry.

I don't want to be the person who has those thoughts anymore––and besides, no one deserves to wear a yoke placed in your hands by the actions of someone else.

SOUL BONER!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 23:47:00 +0000

Yesterday was a bleh day. Sometimes you just have days like that. I did some work - hated everything I did and have already started re-writing it - and tried to spend some time with my lady friends I'm producing this short film, Uggs For Gaza, with, but I wasn't great company. I blame my horoscope entirely. It predicted I would be impotent and unable to express myself.

I don't like being impotent. Yesterday I needed Viagra for the soul.

Do they make that? And if they do, does it cause heart palpitations and cardiac arrest in exchange for a soul boner?

Because maybe I don't want a soul boner that badly.

Soul boners aside (or astride), today was better. I got more work done and I had a real laughing jag over my coining of the term 'soul boner' - although I'm sure someone else has already coined it and I'm just riding coattails.

Still, today is a minor bleh day, as well. Not that I blame my horoscope. Today it said I would have peace of mind. So, there's that, at least.

SOUL BONER!!!!!

I Am Working

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 19:01:00 +0000

I didn't stay in bed all day like I planned. I got up, took a shower, brushed my teeth...well, you get the picture. Now I'm sitting here writing. I'm supposed to be writing book stuff, but instead I am writing this blog while I listen to Billy Bragg and Wilco doing 'California Stars'.

Being creative for a living is a blessing, but sometimes - like today - I look at the guy sitting next to me and wish I was the one holding a little box of tools, that I went from job to job, fixing things, having a finite time to my work, so that when I was done for the day, I was done.

I am never done. I am always at work.

I used to feel terribly guilty whenever I goofed off - I SHOULD BE WORKING! - but this has subsided some as I've gotten older and realized that work is not everything. Work does not define me (yes, it does) and it's okay to have a life (no, it's not).

You can't write things, act things, make things...if all you do is work. You have to experience life. You have to laugh like an idiot, you have to sob like your soul is pouring out your eyes, you have to listen to the silence and revel in the noise...all of this is integral to creating.

I forget this sometimes. I get caught up in the work.

Alcohol (in moderation), good friends, food, music, movies, books...these are the things that remind me work is not everything. Life is fleeting. It is here and then gone so quickly we are idiots if we don't enjoy at least a little bit of it.

Tomorrow I will think about staying in bed all day. I will maybe luxuriate in being under my brown comforter that leaks feathers. I will maybe stay in my PJ's until it gets dark outside.

Today I am working. I swear it.

I am working.

It's A Small World After All, Fish Face

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 18:47:00 +0000

So...I totally got called out for my blog post (Game Playing, Yo!) yesterday. And it's my own fault because I should know way better than this. When you post something on a public blog, one that anyone or anything in the universe can read, well, be prepared to answer for your words.

Which is exactly what happened yesterday when the texting dude in question called me up to tell me someone he knew had forwarded him my post - EEEEK! (Yes, I now have to admit the post was written because of one experience,
in particular, BUT I want to qualify this by saying that, though I may
have been too harsh a judge in this instance, I still one hundred
percent stand behind what I wrote. I have experienced the 'texting disinterest" game before and have actually talked to a few dudes about it, confirming that once the hunt was over for them, they weren't interested anymore.)

Moderately Confused Fish-Face Amber

Anywho...

I am an extremely verbal person. One who is very, very very rarely rendered speechless. This was one of those rare moments. I think I might've said 'uhm' really fast like ten times in a row then I might've also opened and closed my mouth like a silent codfish for a few minutes - which, thankfully, the guy in question could not see because we were on the phone. (Believe me when I say that confused fish face Amber is an unsettling sight to behold.)

The guy in question could very easily have silently stewed over what I wrote. He could've written me a nasty text or called to yell at me. He could've even completely ignored me like forever and ever and ever and ever.

INSTEAD he was kind and gracious. He said he was glad I'd written the post so that he had some insight into what I was thinking. I won't go into detail, but, basically, we worked out the kinks and I think we will continue to be text buddies for a long time to come. Mostly because he chose to be open-minded and to communicate with me...and to give me the benefit of the doubt when I hadn't done the same for him.

In this case, I was wrong. I jumped to conclusions.

The lesson learned is to take each experience I have, individually, not expecting any of them to be a repeat of the last.

Seems pretty basic, right? Wrong.

Oh, and I might still need to go to that nunnery, take a vow of silence, learn that sometimes silence can be golden.

By the way, can you still text when you take a vow of silence?

Synchronicity or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 22:22:00 +0000

I believe in it. Or maybe I should say that I am open to it.

I know that when I start thinking about somebody, I am either going to run into them or get a phone call from them. It's been like that my whole life. I've tried to manifest this experience, but forcing it never works. It happens when it happens, totally autonomously from what I want.

I'm in the process of writing a new series of books - witches are the theme - and the more stuff I read as I research the topic, the more interested I become in the idea that magic or miraculous happenings are somehow tied into the concept of Synchronicity. When something magical/miraculous happens, it's easy to be in awe of it, to credit some supernatural force to its occurrence - which may well be the case, I can't discount it - but maybe another way of looking at it is that it's just a synchronous event. Maybe it's only a confluence of cause and effect from a thousand different smaller moments, leading up to this one larger miraculous/magical experience. All of this happens behind the scenes, out of our direct line of view, so that the event appears magical/miraculous.

I don't know. I like the idea of living in a world where magic exists...but I've never really been privy to it. So in these new books I wanted to create a world where magic is like quantum physics: A whole bunch of molecular events happening on a subatomic level so they can't be witnessed by the naked eye. It's still magic, but it's a magic that's a little more tangible.

I'm hoping that my research adventures into the world of Magic, Witches, Wicca, and the Occult will open up new avenues of thought. Or maybe something magical/miraculous will happen and I will then have first hand proof that the supernatural is alive and well in this world.

I'm keeping my mind open and my curiosity intact.

Game Playing, Yo!

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 19:56:00 +0000

I am not a game player. It puts me at a disadvantage. Especially when it comes to dating. With my friends, it's a different bag. I am not counted out for being honest about who I am or what I want - but when it comes to dating and romantic stuff...jeeza-louisa.

Is there some rule book that I didn't get? Because it feels like there's this rigid framework in place that I totally have not been clued into.

It's not a big deal. It doesn't make me sad or angry...more like confused and uncertain.

So many dudes talk about how difficult women are, how they can't get laid, they can't get a girlfriend or even a date...well, I'm here to tell you that it's not limited to men. Women deal with the same stuff. We're just quiet about it.

Scratch that. We're not quiet about it, we talk ad nauseum about it to our girlfriends, but we don't write blog posts about it (well, maybe a few) or put it out there in the pop culture medium (well, a few do - to their credit). I think finding a partner - or, Hell, just someone to go see a movie with - is difficult all the way around. For everyone.

But it's the game playing that kills me. I just can't do it.

There's this whole weird thing where you're supposed to pretend like you're not interested in someone so that they work really hard to get your attention.

For example, there's like some archaic rule that if you don't reply to some dude's texts, he will - I swear to God - literally text you non-stop a whole, one-sided conversation that you never once have to reply to and by the end of it he's like begging you to go out with him. But if you make the mistake of even once replying back during his frenzy...then he immediately stops texting you.

Game over.

So what am I supposed to do? Be a pretend texting fisherman? Trying to hook some poor guy with my disinterest and then coming in for the kill after letting him text himself into oblivion?

Ugh.

I like you. You like me. Seems like a really simple concept, right?

Wrong.

Makes me want to get myself to a nunnery. At least you're safe from all the bullshit there.

Because God doesn't text.

Waiting In Line

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 23:10:00 +0000

I'm standing here waiting in line at the post office. I have been here for a long time. When Dante was crafting Purgatorio there was no such thing as the US post office - but if Dante were writing his Divine Comedy now, the line I am in would figure heavily in his work.

The Next Big Thing Blog: The Golden Age Of Death (That Chris Golden Made Me Do!)

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 22:36:00 +0000

My friend Chris Golden tagged me in this "Next Big Thing" chain letter that you are about to read. It appears, upon first encounter, to just be a fun little Q&A for authors to spread the word about their latest and upcoming projects...but what no one realizes is that "The Next Big Thing" is actually a parasite living off the energy of writers, asking only that they give a little blood and then forward it on so it may infect writers and readers everywhere.

I am a host now. I am infected. I am about to infect YOU!

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The Next Big Thing: THE GOLDEN AGE OF DEATH

Where did the idea come from for the book?

After I finished my Death's Daughter trilogy, I was tasked with writing two additional books in my series. Needless to say, after writing three books, I had to find new ways of entertaining myself. To do this, I made the fourth book, How To Be Death, a locked room mystery a la Agatha Christie. and for the fifth and final book, The Golden Age Of Death, I flipped the books on their head, writing in a mix of third person and first person perspective. It was a bit crazy, at first, but I think it turned out rather well. Now you get to play around in the heads of the secondary characters that you've gotten to know and love in the other four books. Yippee!!

What genre does your book fall under?

I write in the Urban Fantasy genre - although, I think these books are a bit more fantasy than the traditional Urban Fantasy books most people are used to. I like to say: if you took Neil Gaiman and 'The Devil Wears Prada' and mushed them together, well, you'd get my stuff.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie
rendition?

I am a new fan of Sara Paxton. She is amazing in a little indie called "The Innkeepers" and if she ever played Calliope, I would be ecstatic. My friend Ashley Artus - though much taller than my fawn - was the inspiration for Jarvis, so maybe we can entice him to come play with us if we ever make a live action version of the books.

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Death is run like a corporation and our hero, Calliope Reaper-Jones, well, her dad is the President and CEO - when he gets kidnapped she has to come and run the company in stead, or her family will lose their immortality.

That's the jumping off point for the series and The Golden Age of Death, the fifth and final book, is the conclusion of Calliope's story.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

My agent,Howard Morhaim, is the man responsible for unleashing my insanity upon the world. Poor man, having to deal with me! But he's a mensch.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

The first draft took me six months then I went back in and made a bunch of changes on the second draft...turning it a bit past my deadline.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Anton Strout and I both write 'fantasy' heavy Urban Fantasy. Especially in his new book "Alchemystic", the first book in his new Spellmason Chronicles series...it has a plucky heroine who makes very human decisions about her life and situation. Very much like Calliope.

Who or What inspired you to write this book?

I wanted to write a female protagonist who wasn't perfect, who made mistakes and learned from them, who grew through the course of the series. That was pretty much the inspiration for writing the books.

What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?

It's funny. And silly. And...I don't know. It's so weird to have to pimp yourself out, ya know? I guess the thing to pique your interest for the book is that it takes place mostly in Hell. Which is always fun for the whole family. I don't know. Argh.

--------------------------------------------------

That concludes the infecting part of this whole endeavor. Now I'm gonna give a shout out to the other authors who Chris tagged to blog today:

S.G. Browne got stuck sitting next to me at one of his first signings...and he didn't get scared! Well, at least not after the first 30 minutes. He wrote a lovely, lovely book called Breathers that I highly recommend. Right now he has I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus…a book that's the perfect gift for everyone on your holiday shopping list! You can check him out on his site right here: http://sgbrowne.com/

Cherie Priest wrote the awesome book Boneshaker that I love. Being from Alabama, I can say that she’s a maestro at capturing the heady, spooky atmosphere of the Southern Gothic supernatural tale. Her latest book The Inexplicables is out right now and would also make an awesome holiday gift (wink, wink). http://www.cheriepriest.com/

Caitlin Kittredge is the gal responsible for the Iron Codex YA series, which is just awesome blossom - and makes a great stocking stuffer! I had to steal this bit from Chris's bio because it's just adorable: "She once told me that she’s not ready for the zombie apocalypse, but she is prepared for the kitten apocalypse." Hehehe, I love it! You can check her out here: http://www.caitlinkittredge.com/

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And now for the lovely and kind souls who have agreed to carry on the infection on my behalf. Please go check out their blogs/tumblrs next Tuesday:

Bradley P. Beaulieu is a mensch! And now the whole world knows it. He is the author of the epic fantasy series The Lays of Anuskaya (the third book, The Straits of Galahesh, is out in April) and the co-host of the popular Speculate podcast. He just funded the first level of his kickstarter campaign for the book collection Lest Our Passage Be Forgotten & Other Stories in less than a day and five hours. Did I say he was a mensch? You can check out his kickstarter here: kickbrad & his blog.
Even though Carolyn Cohagan and I share the same editor at Simon & Schuster, we actually met, funnily enough, through our mutual friend, Drea Clark. Carolyn is the author of the Middle Grade book The Lost Children – which I adore - and its follow-up Ida and The Unfinished City. Right now she is working on a top secret project, but I've been lucky enough to get a sneak peek at it and it's amazing. So keep your eye on Miz Cohagan and her blog for more news!

My friend, Sina Grace, is one of the most talented artists I know - he's so talented that I snapped him up to do the illustrations for my Middle Grade book Among The Ghosts. Right now he has a new graphic novel out called Not My Bag that he both wrote and illustrated. I think it's the bees knees - by far one of my fav graphic novels ever! Pick up Not My Bag and follow Sina's work right here on his tumblr.

What to say about Sarah Kuhn? She is an accomplished journalist and novelist whose latest novella One Con Glory is so good that it made me laugh out loud like twenty times. It's so good, in fact, that Hollywood has come calling - and Sarah has written the script! Right now she is hard at work on her next book which will be her first foray into Urban Fantasy. You can check her out here on her book page and on her tumblr!

Kate Noble writes really smart Regency Romance novels, including If I Fall and Follow My Lead. And when I say smart, what I mean is: She creates some of the pluckiest, wittiest, and intelligent heroines in the romance genre, period. Kate also has the best hair of anyone I know – I am deeply envious of it - and you can get a glimpse of it right here in her author picture on her blog.

LIVE THROUGH THIS or WHY YOU NEED TO READ THIS BOOK

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 23:13:00 +0000

Standing in the middle of the Chelsea Market. I am listening to Liesa Abrams over the crowd of people pushing us to move forward. They are annoyed with us for taking up valuable walking space. We’re meeting Liesa’s husband, James, so the three of us can have dinner while I’m in town and it feels nice to have family in New York, even if they’re my family through love, not blood. But we can’t find James, so we’ve stopped to text him, and this has somehow devolved into talking.

Liesa pulls a paperback from her bag, an Advanced Reader Copy of Mindi Scott’s new book, Live Through This. Her eyes shine as she starts to tell me about it. I’ve met Mindi before. I sat with her and her husband at James and Liesa’s wedding reception. They were really sweet and I enjoyed talking and eating gluten free batmobile wedding cake with them.

Liesa’s telling me how proud she is of the book, of Mindi for writing it because it was inspired by personal events in Mindi’s life. Liesa really wants people to read it and she’s asking me to help spread the word. I take the book just as James finds us in the crowd. As we head to dinner, it goes in my bag and is forgotten until later that night when I get back to my friend’s place in Brooklyn, where I’m staying for the next few weeks. I read the book in one sitting. And then I sob uncontrollably for an hour. Captain, my friend’s beautiful one-eyed cat, curls up in bed beside me and let’s me hold him until I stop.

I’ve asked my very smart and savvy writer friend, Sarah Kuhn, (check out her awesome stuff here) to guest blog with me today. I gave her my copy of Live Through This. I thought two voices would be better than one:

Amber: Coley Sterling is a typical type A high school overachiever. She has friends, a boy who adores her, a family that loves her…and a secret that’s ripping her apart from the inside out. The reader isn’t immediately privy to Coley’s secret. Like pieces of glass in a kaleidoscope, the clues fall together slowly until the whole picture is finally revealed. And it’s a devastating one. Mindi Scott has a real talent for getting inside her protagonist’s head. She sketches out Coley’s story in grand swathes, and then paints in all the little details, so that you feel as though you are enmeshed in Coley’s brain: thinking her thoughts, feeling her confusion, anger, and, in the end, pain. I just don’t think it’s possible to read this book and not identify with Coley in some way. Abuse comes in all different sizes and shapes––and I know I‘ve felt alone, ashamed, scared.

Sarah: I think specificity always leads to authenticity in a story––and that's why I think we feel like we're so with Coley throughout the whole book, even when we don't know everything about her life. The details you're referring to, the ones Mindi paints in so carefully, are all so specific––I'm thinking of things like the compliment game Coley plays with her crush-morphing-to-boyfriend Reece, wherein they quote various over-the-top song lyrics to each other. Stuff like that makes every single relationship in the book feel very real. And it keeps the subject matter––the revelations behind Coley's heartbreaking secret––from feeling Afterschool Special-y or like we're being beat over the head with a Story About Important Issues. I crave that kind of honesty/specificity mix in all stories and because of that, I'm about to be that super-annoying person who yells at everyone she knows to read this book IMMEDIATELY.

Amber: I think you and both are gonna be that super-annoying person because I really believe this book is important. According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) 1 in 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape…and the effects of sexual abuse are life long. The message I took away from Live Through This was that, yes, awful things might happen in our lives, but you can get through them, you can survive and overcome.

Sarah: Well, I'm used to being annoying, so that works out nicely. I agree that it's an important book (and I think part of its importance lies in the way that it doesn't insist on proclaiming itself An Important Book, if that makes sense) and I also think the survival/overcoming part is portrayed extremely realistically. Those moments aren't depicted as if there is triumphant, swelling music in the background––again, it's just honest. I also thought the way Coley's other relationships were portrayed were very relatable––the friend she's had a falling out with, the boyfriend who's not quite her boyfriend yet. There was some very true-to-life teenagerdom in those connections, and that really gives the sense that you're seeing a full portrait of someone's life––good parts and bad.

Amber: So I think we're in agreement. Do yourself a favor. Go out and buy Live Through This. Read it and share it with the people you love. Especially anyone who is going through, or has gone through a trauma in their life. I am linking to Mindi's Livejournal post about why she wrote the book here. Her own personal journey, the one she outlines in that Livejournal post, is a testament to why you should read this book.

Sarah: Yes, please buy this. As Amber will attest, I am a very picky person who doesn't like very many things...but I loved this.

For more info on anti-sexual violence check out RAINN.

And you can get LIVE THROUGH THIS on Amazon or order it through your local bookseller.

The Unrequited Life

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 17:43:00 +0000

There is a strangely human aversion to change. Maybe it trickles down through the rest of the Animal Kingdom, too, but I can't imagine a fox getting drunk over losing a job. I don't know many foxes, so maybe I'm misinformed. I'm misinformed about a lot of things these days.

I am not a huge fan of change. Little changes I can handle - like trying my baked mac and cheese with Gruyere instead of Cheddar* - but the big things are a struggle. These thoughts always lead me down the path to extinction, not mine - yet - but the extinction of just one species of animal or just one species of plant. It's a small blip in the grand scheme of things, losing one species, but I just feel so sad about it. I contributed, probably. It's a little my fault. But then my mind starts to wander...and I realize when this one species goes away, another rises up to take its place. Not immediately, but over time. There is always something coming up after us.

I think about what we are doing to ourselves and our planet and I know what the endgame is: one day we will be that species, the one that goes extinct and something else comes along to take our place.

We get all up in arms about it - and maybe this will help us change our future, I hope so - but I don't see a lot of forward motion. I think humans are essentially good, but we are also selfish - I know this from personal experience: I am selfish - and that is a not so great combination. Couple those two things together then add in thoughtlessness/obliviousness and the world as we know it is most likely doomed.

This isn't a call to arms: to reduce, recycle, reuse, buy green and local, eat less meat (though all these things you should do). This is a meditation on getting to the bottom of things, to why change affects us so greatly.

Because once I see the grand future down to the very end of its thread and look at it honestly, I can accept human extinction, animal and plant extinction, the shifting of tectonic plates, the coming of a new ice age or a hot, barren inhospitable to life landscape. I don't love this acceptance, but it is what it is. At least I'm not as sad or scared about it.

Of course, once we get to the personal, these above thoughts don't 100% apply. Why can I get used to human beings ceasing to exist as a species, but I don't like to move?

The unrequited life.

Not unrequited love, that's a whole other blog post at a later date.

The unrequited life. The life that would exist if you didn't change. That's what trips us up. I've been holding on to all my unrequited lives for so long now they have taken over my life. I am an unrequited life hoarder. I don't want to let them go...even though holding them is stupid and unproductive and maybe even detrimental.

Why do I, do we, do this? Why can't we get over the jobs we lost or didn't get, the places we've moved from or were kicked out of, the lovers we've banished or been banished from? Why are we so obsessed with the unrequited lives we didn't lead, to the point where the lives we ARE leading suffer? The present consumed by the past.

Living this way only makes us unhappy, right? An unrequited life is a still born life with no future. So why do we coddle them, like parasitic twins taking all the nourishment, keeping them alive for nothing?

Any thoughts folks?

*I always get a maudlin after a hard drinking night - two vodka sodas is a hard drinking night for me - but I did have a slamming mac and cheese :)

JOE AYTON WON!

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Mon, 10 Sep 2012 23:28:00 +0000

Joe and I are going to share a SKYPE lunch! We will then share some of the experience with you. Aren't you lucky duckies!!

Scatological Amber and her GNADS

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 17:48:00 +0000

I have always had issues with shaving my legs.

1. I hate doing it. I have scars from accidental cuttings. It's time consuming and my sensitive skin gets all bumpy.

When I was a teenager (12/13-ish) I BEGGED for an Epilady. I saw the commercials, it looked easy and great and kept the leg hair away for weeks. I bought the As Seen On Television hype, fell for it hook, line and sinker. So, for Christmakuh that year guess what I got?

No, not an amazing Ginsu Knife set - an Epilady!

Guess how many times I used it?

Half.

Half a leg. It hurt so bad I cried and couldn't get through the first leg.

Epilady sat on the shelf in its nice fabric carry bag and cardboard box collecting dust. I don't know what eventually happened to it or the long handled 'shoulder massager' that sat next to it in the top of the closet, but I have fond and not so fond memories of them both.

Next up was NADS - another As Seen On Television product (you'd think I would learn) - and it fared about as well as the Epilady. And by that, I mean I got about halfway through a leg and had to stop. Mostly cause I couldn't get the fabric strips to stick right to the NAD glop on my leg - but when I did manage to rip leg hair out, it hurt like a mother ******. I thought because it was an Australian product it would work better than the Epilady (that was scatological* thinking), but it was another epic leg hair removal failure.

PS: From now on in my mind I am spelling NADS 'GNADS' in honor of The Monster Squad.

I have done the obligatory bikini waxes, and they work, but hurt like a sonofabitch, so I have decided not to put my legs through that particular Hell.

Which leads me, finally, to my latest endeavor:

Nair (What's with the leg hair removal community's predilection for creating products starting with N?)

I am a recent convert to depilatory cream. It works and it doesn't hurt...but I think it has burned off a couple of moles on my thigh. They were there pre-Nair and now they are MIA.

I have put away my razor - for now - and we can only hope to see what the future will bring.

The End
Or
Just The Beginning

(take a bow)

*Look up the word: scatological. Hehehe.

ADDENDUM - History

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Mon, 06 Aug 2012 19:39:00 +0000

I read and write. I write and read. They go hand in hand for me. I tell stories. I make them up in my head. If you cross my path, I'll probably make up a story about you. That's how it works in my brain.

Right now I am standing on a Brooklyn street corner(ish) and the man in the plaid shirt is:

A member of the Muslim Brotherhood. He only joined because his older brother did. He hates spaghetti with a passion because it reminds him of the worms his brother forcefed him when he was four.

And so it goes...I do this for everyone.

That's writing and it is just a part of me. Has been since I could form a conscious thought.

I've written crappy poetry. Crappy short stories. Crappy plays. Crappy screenplays.

I've written some stuff I am proud of. But it's a small percentage.

Am I a good writer? Shit, I don't know. Read the Mavis Gallant journal excerpts in The New Yorker (with what looks like a Doctor Obama on the cover) and you will have an insight into how I think about writing.

I don't write because I'm trying to get somewhere (lies!) but because I have to write. (Both are true.)

Acting is parallel to and completely separate from my writing. One informs the other, but they are wholly separate endeavors.

If I didn't act, I would still write.

If I didn't write, I would still act.

I don't know where my ideas come from.

I like the idea of picking them like rotting fruit from the branches of the collective unconscious.

I also like the idea that I have a muse (somewhere) who feeds me all the good stuff. (Lots of food analogies, I must be hungry.)

I sit down. I open my computer. I put my headphones in my ears. I turn on music. I put my fingers on MacBook keyboard. (Outrageous product placement in hopes of free stuff! Apple, I'm talking to you.)

I try and write 1500 words a day (that's Monday thru Friday for me) and that's it. Thats me. Amber. Writer. Numbnut extraordinaire.

(take a bow)
(get off the street corner)
(@darkoverorg hope this clears things up and makes us even Steven on the cheating)

Because You Asked

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Mon, 06 Aug 2012 19:01:00 +0000

(This post came directly out of a comment from Twitter user @darkoverorg*)

Advice first. History later.

You wanna write? Then write. Seems basic, right? But it's not. I meet so many people who 'talk' about writing, but don't actually sit down and put pen to paper, ink to quill, fingers to typewriter keys, brain to computer.

My friend and fellow writer and 'maker of things', Doug Petrie, once said something to me that really stuck. He was talking about filmmaking, but to me, it applies to any creative endeavor.

Now I'm paraphrasing here, but the thrust of what he said is this:

When you make a film you become someone who made something and cease to be someone who 'talks' about making something.
----------------------------------------------------
It's a clearly defined line.

Even if what you make is crap, it doesn't matter. YOU MADE IT!! That's the beginning of your career as a maker of things: writer, filmmaker, artist, crafter, actor, singer, dancer, mime, musician...all of these start with the urge to make something and then continue with the 'action' of indulging that urge.

You wanna write, go write.

So you're writing - first step accomplished - how do you get it out to the world, so you can be praised and ridiculed (usually at the same time) by the mass of men?

It's easy and not easy.

Easy first.

THE INTERNET

1. Fan Fiction

Fifty Shades of Grey, people!! I've said it before and I'll say it again (with back-up now that the FSG books are major league famous): Write what you love, put it on the internet and share it with all the other people who love what you love. 'Nuf said.

2. Blog

Write a blog. Write about your life. Include fiction/non-fiction pieces you are working on. (I've done it on this blog.) See: John Scalzi & Pamela Ribon - they give good blog and are shining examples of what I'm taking about

3. Publish Yourself, Yourself

People do it every day and some of them make a hell of a lot more money on their books than I do.

Now the Hard Stuff:

PUBLISHING

1. Get An Agent

Go online, get agency info and send a whole hell of a lot of query letters out into the universe. Make your query letter interesting. Someone might actually bite - and if they do then it's worth all the effort. The agent is your entree into the publishing world. Without them, it is very hard to get stuff read by editors.

2. Writer's Conferences

Go to them. Go to the ones where they have editors and agents you can pitch to. It's a shot in the dark - but like querying for agents, if someone bites then it's worth the money and effort.

This ends the ADVICE portion of our blog post.

Now on to the HISTORY portion of our blog.

How did I get published...? It's a cheating story. I took the twenty plus years of struggle and rejection I've endured as an actor and credited it toward the publishing world.

And I had a leg up because of a little show called BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER.

So I don't recommend attempting my journey. It's a way longer way than you want to traverse in order to get your writing out there. See the ADVICE section and use that bit as your guide, or, as I like to say:

DO AS I SAY and NOT AS I DO

THE END

(take a bow)

*Just FYI.

I Teach, Apparently.

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Tue, 24 Jul 2012 17:39:00 +0000

The lovey folks at Dragon*Con have inveigled me to teach an acting workshop in Atlanta this year. I have never been to Dragon*Con before so this should be very, very interesting. I think this will be my chance to really get to know Slave Leia this year.

Below is all the info on the workshop. You will be stuck with me for like 8 hours each day and for that I apologize!

DragonCon Acting Workshops 2012

DragonCon is pleased to offer a unique acting workshop over a two day period by acclaimed actress, director, and author Amber Benson. If you are interested in a career in acting either on the stage or screen or just want to polish up your professional skills, here is your chance to gain insights, learn skills, and gain insights from the successful. talented, and knowledgeable Amber Benson.

Amber Benson is a writer, director and actor. She currently writes the CALLIOPE REAPER-JONES paranormal romance series for Ace/Roc and her middle grade book, AMONG THE GHOSTS, came out in paperback this past fall from Simon and Schuster. As a director, she co-directed the Slamdance feature, DRONES - which was picked up for distribution by Phase Four Films - and directed (and co-wrote) the BBC animated series, THE GHOSTS OF ALBION. Her acting work includes the Steven Soderbergh film, KING OF THE HILL, and the indie feature, RACE YOU TO THE BOTTOM, for which she won the Best Actress Award at Outfest. She spent three years as Tara Maclay on the television series BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER.

Two Day Workshop with Amber will include:

Dragon*Con is pleased to offer a two-day Actor’s Workshop with actress and director Amber Benson. A veteran actress with over twenty years of experience, Amber most notably played the character Tara Maclay for three seasons on the hit show Buffy The Vampire Slayer. As a director, her films have played at various film festivals (including the Slamdance Film Festival in Park City) and her latest film Drones is available on Netflix streaming and on Showtime.

This two-day workshop will include:

BREAKING INTO THE BUSINESS

We will talk about the business aspects of becoming an actor. This will include ‘Getting an Agent’, ‘The Audition Process’ and ‘New Media: Using YouTube and The Internet To Create Your Own Celebrity’.

AN IMPROV PRIMER

Good Improv skills are imperative for any would-be actor. Learn to listen to and interact with your fellow performers by playing Improv Games that bolster your confidence in your own instincts and help you to relax and enjoy the process of being creative.

CHARACTER BUILDING

Learn to create a back-story for your character. This also includes developing accents, physical characteristics, etc. that can give you a real insight into your character’s internal motivations.

SCENE BREAKDOWN

Breaking into pairs, you will work on two character scenes that will then be performed in front of your fellow workshop participants. Each participant will also receive a copy of an ‘audition scene’ or ‘sides’ that we will work on together during the course of the workshop. On Sunday afternoon, each participant will have a ‘mock audition’ that will be recorded on video and then watched and critiqued. (After the workshop has concluded, participants will get a copy of their audition tape via email.)

And a chance to get personal advice and ask your questions.

The Workshop

The workshop will take place on Thursday, August 30, and Friday, August 31, 2012 from 9AM to Noon and then from 1PM to 5PM. The cost for attending the workshop is $250 per student. This is a separate fee from Dragon*Con Membership (also required) and will cover the cost of the class. Space is limited to twenty participants. No videos of the workshop will be permitted. Space is limited for each workshop. First come, first served. Dragoncon will keep a list of those who have applied for admittance once it is filled in case any later choose to drop out. Accepted attendees are asked to please notify Dragoncon if you find you will unable to attend.

If you have further questions, please contact David A. Cherry at dcherry88@tx.rr.com.

My San Diego Comic-Con Schedule & It's A Doozy!

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Fri, 06 Jul 2012 20:10:00 +0000

My head is spinning as I write this. I think I need to clone myself.

Thursday:

12:00-1:00pm
Once More, with Comics: How the Whedon Universes Continue in Comic Book Form
w/Amber Benson, Scott Allie, Mariah Huehner, Clare Kramer, Tom Lenk, Katrina Hill, Jennifer K. Stuller and Traci Cohen (Room 26AB)

8:00PM
The LxL Meet Up
I'm gonna hang with all the awesome Geek Girls of Comic-Con!
(The Hyatt)

Friday:

4:20pm
A Super Secret Screening Of My New Film, Dust Up!
I'll probably get in trouble for posting about it, but it's the Super Secret ticket to get on Friday! (If you follow @Dustupfilm and tweet them the phrase "I am Ward Robert's Bitch", they might be giving away a couple of tickets - but you didn't hear that from me!)

8:30-9:30pm
Space Command: Bold Reaches Into The Adventures Of Space*
Space Command is a series of new and original feature films by STAR TREK writer Marc Zicree, GALACTICA FX whiz Doug Drexler, director Neil Johnson and other Sci-Fi luminaries. (Room 5AB)

*I am going to try and make it to the Space Command Panel, but I'm double booked and there's an 85% chance I'm going to miss it. Just wanted to be honest. I will try to swing by, but it'll be a great panel with or without me!

Saturday:

1:10-1:40pm
Screening of: Laura Keller, NB (as part of the Comic-Con International Film Festival)
"With global population at an extreme high, federal fertility lotteries now determine who can and can't reproduce. When one woman learns that she will be permanently sterilized, her faith in the system is shaken" Presenting filmmakers: Mo Perkins (writer/director), Amber Benson (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Martin Starr (Party Down), and Eli Akira Kauffman (producer).
(All films and programs are in Marriott Hall 2, at the Marriott Marquis & Marina, next to the Hall A side of the Convention Center)

And stay for the next film, Advantageous, starring the uber-awesome, James Urbaniak!

3:00-4:00pm

21st Century Dead (SIGNING ONLY)
w/Amber Benson, Thomas E. Sniegoski, S. G. Browne, Daniel H. Wilson, John Skipp, Cody Goodfellow (Room AA9)

Sunday:

1:45-2:45pm
Foes Beyond Fur and Fangs
Vampires have staked their claim on readers, and werewolves have certainly taken a bite out of pop fiction. But these paranormal creatures aren't the only ones that run havoc in the pages of science fiction and fantasy novels. Authors discuss the villains and vixens-from witches to zombies and beyond-in their action-packed adventures.
w/(moderator: Kim Alexander) Amber Benson, Rachel Caine, Tom Sniegoski, Kiersten White, Gail Carriger, Amelia Atwater-Rhodes and Maggie Stiefvater (Room 5AB)

There will be a SIGNING AFTERWARD!

The day of the week titles above remind me the ones in The Shining. Cue freaky music.

I Finally Know What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Wed, 04 Jul 2012 11:50:00 +0000

This is a question that has eluded me for a long time now - thirty-five years to be exact. Recently, I've been telling people I want to be a 'Maker Of Things'. That this phrase is what I want on my tombstone:

Amber Benson
Maker Of Things
RIP

But that's not exactly true. I do want to make things, but I want to make specific things. I want to make the things I want to make, that interest me and that I want to see - and fuck you, if you don't like it.

I'm tired of worrying what you think. As painful and frightening as it is for me to write this...well, it's true.

I don't want you to like me anymore. I don't care whether what I say offends you or not. I'm just gonna be myself and if you don't like it, I don't care.

I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

And if you like it.

I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

Wow, that feels pretty goddamned good.

Watched that amazing Woody Allen documentary - watched both parts - and I realized that's what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be making stuff because I have to, because it's what I'm meant to do, because it stops me from thinking about dying. Because the busier I am, the less I think about dying. One movie a year to keep death at bay. Amazing!

I watch that Louie CK show and that's what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be bluntly honest and real and embarrassing and embarrassed. I want to say things you don't like, that are true (at least to me) and that make me laugh.

I want to say screw you to anyone who says I'm not funny. Because you know what. I'm funny. And if you don't get it then it's not meant for you.

I'm dark and mean on the inside. I'm sweet and nice on the inside. I'm a bloody rainbow swirl. All of it and its opposite.

Goodnight.

A Poem For Travis Herrick

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sat, 30 Jun 2012 23:57:00 +0000

Hi, Travis! I promised you a poem for winning my CHICKEN 77/Serpent's Storm Review Challenge. I apologize for it taking so long, but here it is! I hope you like it. I used bits and pieces of the answers you sent me. Hope you can pick them out!

-Amber

First Challenge Winner!

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 01:01:00 +0000

Well, I waited as long as I could for Serpent's Storm to get 77 reviews...sadly this was not to be...so there will be no singing. BUT I have crowned a winner for the First Challenge - the best use of the word CHICKEN in a Serpent's Storm review.

Drum roll, please.

And the winner is: TRAVIS HERRICK

For his lovely rendition of that old classic: THE CHICKEN AND THE RACCOON

But don't take it from me. Here is Travis, in his own words:

"I read this book over the last several days and I have to say, it really reminds me of the old folk tale of the Chicken and the Raccoon.

Once, a long time ago, in the American Heartlands, there lived a Chicken and Raccoon, and they were the best of friends. The Chicken was very industrious, and worked very hard each and every day. The raccoon did the minimal amount of work he needed to get by, and spent his days listening to hipster music and lounging around wearing sunglasses.

But even thought there were very different, the Chicken and Raccoon were close friends, and they shared the love of books.

One Day, the Chicken came up to his good friend Raccoon. “Raccoon, I have been feeling down. I feel that I’ve spent all my time at the office without doing any of the important things in life. Part of me wants to be like you, because you’re always so happy and seem like deep down, you’re satisfied with life. But all you do is slack off and listen to annoying music and wear sunglasses all day.”

Raccoon took off his headphones and thought for a long time. He looked at Chicken and said “Well, you work hard. You’d hate my life; what you have to realize is that all you have to do is be yourself to be happy. You don’t need to change yourself to be satisfied.”

Well the years passed, and Chicken never became more satisfied with his life, whereas Raccoon always was. Raccoon was unable to help his friend, because he didn’t realize what the problem was. Of course, as readers of The Serpent’s Storm will surely know by this point, Raccoon had read it while Chicken didn’t. The Chicken was never able to appreciate the snarkiness of Amber Benson’s writing, the cleverness of her world, her engaging characters. Chicken will never know the plight of Callie and how she grows as a person to be less insecure and more willing to take over her responsibilities. He will never know the turmoil of Callie not knowing who to trust, or the catharsis of her victory. And without knowing about The Serpent’s Storm, how could he possibly have experienced the beauty and wonder the world has to offer? Sadly, Raccoon had assumed that he had read this book, as who wouldn’t, so he said nothing, and Chicken went his whole life never knowing.

The moral of the fable, as always, is to not be like Chicken. Buy Amber Benson’s book."

Travis will not be picking a song for me to sing. Instead, I will be writing a personal poem for Travis and then putting it up on my youtube page.

Congrats, Travis!!

CHALLANGE #3 - THE FINAL BATTLE

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 19:00:00 +0000

I am doing a Livestream Chat on the Ace/Roc Facebook page with the lovely Anton Strout. Your final challenge - should you choose to accept it - is to attend the chat and make a comment/ask a question. The comment must include these words: "Anton Strout is a God Among Men". The most creative use of this phrase will get a SURPRISE at the end of the chat!

Here is the link to the chat: AMBER BENSON CHAT

The chat starts FRIDAY, MARCH 2nd at 3pm EST - until then you will be forced to watch repeats of Tim and Kathy Keller talking about Marriage.

REPEAT!!! I will not be on the Ace/Roc Facebook page UNTIL this Friday, March 2nd at 3pm EST!

Come say hi, shout out Anton and I promise you will have a good time!

CHALLENGE #2 - MADEMOISELLE CONSUELA and HER ARMY of ONE

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 18:29:00 +0000

So...first of all...Due to popular demand (and for the slower readers out there) I have decided to extend the FIRST CHALLENGE until March 1st...let me reiterate...in order to qualify for a chance at the SKYPE LUNCH with me, you must post a review of my book Serpent's Storm on one of the qualifying sites ( AMAZON US AMAZON CA AMAZON UK AMAZON DE BARNES AND NOBLE or ITUNES ) and you must use the word 'chicken' somewhere in the review!

Now for...THE SECOND CHALLENGE!!

You must answer these three questions by March 21st, 2012:

1.) What is the name of Mademoiselle Consuela's Warbot?

2.) In what type of building is Mademoiselle Consuela a prisoner?

3.) Whose naked "male member" makes an appearance at the end of the story?

To find the answers you need to read: Mademoiselle Consuela and Her Army of One - a new short story from IDW & me for their Zombies Vs. Robots Anthology on Amazon kindle! And the beauty of the whole thing is that it's just 99 cents! It's available tomorrow - but you can pre-order today!

READ ME

You must send the answers to these three questions to: bensonentertainment@hotmail.com

Only emailed entries will be counted, so don't leave your answers in the comments section! I will delete them and they will be disqualified!!

In order to qualify for the SKYPE LUNCH with yours truly you have to complete CHALLENGES #1 and #2!

GOOD LUCK!

Valentine's Day - Shoot An Arrow In My Butt

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 08:02:00 +0000

There is something about this Valentine's holiday that seems false, something that seems tailor made for Hallmark and the flower growers of America and Hershey's.

Corporations - I am not just a consumer. I am a human being. Just because a candy heart says BE MINE doesn't mean I belong to anyone, but myself. And I think that's enough. I think it's alright to not need someone in your life to give you cards and flowers and candy.

I think a smile from a toothless homeless man sitting in front of the grocery store should be enough. Because outside of everything and everyone else...I am okay by myself. We should all be okay by ourselves. We are wonderful and we should love ourselves, as individuals, accordingly.

Happy Valentine's Day to me and to you. You and I are worth a smile and the knowledge that we are loved.

That's enough.

Watch me cut up & read my new book, HOW TO BE DEATH!

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:30:00 +0000

Watch me Cut Up & Read the first chapter of my new book HOW TO BE DEATH - also a Sir Richard Bitely sighting!

ALL MY DATES AND DUCKS IN A ROW

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 18:44:00 +0000

Here is the completed list of places I will be signing HOW TO BE DEATH - it has all the right addresses and times and if you come, I promise to show you a real good time ;)

Tuesday, February 28th 2012
7:30pm
MYSTERIOUS GALAXY
Redondo Beach Store
2810 Artesia Blvd
Redondo Beach, CA 90278

THIS IS A PARTY. THERE WILL BE CUPCAKES!!

Friday, March 2nd 2012
7:00pm
MIDTOWN COMICS
Grand Central Station
459 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY 10017

Saturday, March 3rd 2012
6:00pm
MURDER BY THE BOOK
2342 Bissonett Street
Houston, TX 77005

Saturday, March 10th 2012
MYSTERIOUS GALAXY
San Diego Store
2:00pm
7051 Clairemont Mesa Blvd
Ste 302
San Diego, CA 92111

March 24th, 2012
2:00pm
DARK DELICACIES
w/Chelsea Quinn Yarbro

3512 W. Magnolia Blvd.
Burbank, CA 91505

MAGIC NUMBER/MAGIC WORD

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 19:02:00 +0000

February is always the shortest month––even when it's a Leap Year like 2012.

But not this year. This year I promise to pack so much interesting, weird stuff into February that it will seem like the LONGEST month on the calendar!

I am putting together THREE CHALLENGES––one of them begins today––and at the end of the whole thing (you must complete ALL THREE) some lucky person is going to win something really unique and bizarre:

A DISGUSTING SKYPE LUNCH WITH ME

Now, I know that sounds kinda ho-hum, but believe me, it will be anything but.

Firstly, I will provide you with the lunch. I will give you a bunch of options (I know there are Vegans, Veggies, Gluten Frees, Atkins, Low Carbs, Fruitarians, Pescetarians, Hardcore Carnivores) that you can choose from and that choice will be delivered to your door.

Secondly, I will eat something disgusting, something worthy of Andrew Zimmern - and there will be Chocolate Covered Ants for dessert!

Thirdly, we will toast to your CHALLENGE prowess and your health and to the health of all the people who tried and failed to win this special lunch.

Fourthly, we will video the Chocolate Covered Ant eating (you may choose not to be on camera for this) and post it to youtube so that everyone can make fun of me.

Not so ho hum now, is it? Oh, you naysayers, be quiet! (I'll deal with you later)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So let me lay out the design of the first Challenge and tell you what the MAGIC NUMBER and the MAGIC WORD is!

CHALLENGE #1:

THE SERPENT'S STORM REVIEW

I am looking for at least 77 reviews of Serpent's Storm by 2/17/12 - each review must contain the word CHICKEN in it––now don't be cross, you guys gave me the MAGIC NUMBER and the MAGIC WORD––and it must contain a way to contact you: either your twitter ID, your email, your blog site or your FACEBOOK name.

If I get 77 reviews (distributed among the qualifying sites I will list below) then I will choose the review I think most creatively uses the MAGIC WORD (chicken) and that first challenge winner gets to pick (between two choices) the YOUTUBE video song I will embarrassingly sing for the world.

The two choices are: Wind Beneath My Wings & I Love You Period

How does that sound?

Remember, this is only the FIRST CHALLENGE. And you have to complete it if you want to be in the running to win the SKYPE DISGUSTING LUNCH!!

I will announce the SECOND CHALLENGE on 2/16/12 - be ready!

BELOW ARE THE QUALIFYING SITES & the review must be made between today and 2/17/11*:

AMAZON US

AMAZON CA

AMAZON UK

AMAZON DE

BARNES AND NOBLE

ITUNES

*if you already reviewed the book on any of these sites prior to 1/31 then email Benson Entertainment (bensonentertainment@hotmail.com) with the subject line "CHICKEN 77" - include proof of your review (a cut and past copy will suffice) and a paragraph explaining why you love, hate or feel mediocre toward CHICKEN & I will add you to the contest!