Alisia Leavitt, MFA

Best E-Reader: Kindle Fire HD or iPad Mini

2013-05-07T00:13:00.000-04:00

I've prolonged the search for an e-reader for over a year because: a.) I couldn't justify the cost; and b.) I didn't want to spend money on something I wasn't going to use that much. At the time, I was only going to occasionally read an e-book. My lifestyle is completely different now, and totally warrants getting an e-reader with additional capabilities. I've had a Kindle Fire HD in mind, but also have a good friend who loves her iPad Mini. Which one should I choose?

Kindle Fire HD, according to Amazon:

Promoted as "The World's Most Advanced 7-Inch Tablet"
4 Stars on Amazon
HD Display, Dolby Audio, Dual-Band Dual-Antenna Wi-Fi, 16GB or 32GB
Price starts at $199 and goes up to $229
Available with special offers from Amazon
1280x800 HD display with polarizing filter and anti-glare technology for rich color and deep contrast from any viewing angle
Exclusive Dolby audio and dual-driver stereo speakers for immersive, virtual surround sound
World's first tablet with dual-band, dual-antenna Wi-Fi for over 35% faster downloads and streaming
High performance 1.2 Ghz dual-core processor with Imagination PowerVR 3D graphics core for fast and fluid performance
Over 23 million movies, TV shows, songs, magazines, books, audiobooks, and popular apps and games such as Facebook, Netflix, Twitter, HBO GO, Pandora, and Angry Birds Space
Integrated support for Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo! and more, as well as Exchange calendar, contacts, and email
Front-facing HD camera for taking photos or making video calls using Skype, Facebook, and other apps
Free unlimited cloud storage
Kindle owners can choose from more than 270,000 books to borrow for free with no due dates, including over 100 current and former New York Times best sellers

Apple iPad Mini, according to Apple:

9.7 Inches
Price starts at $329 and goes up to $659
16, 32, or 64 GB
300,000 apps made for iPad
10 hours of battery life
iSight camera that shoots and records HD video in full 1080p
Front-facing HD camera that shoots 720p and makes video calls
Advanced dual band wi-fi
Apps, movies, music, tv shows from iTunes Store and App Store
IOS6, "The World's Most Advanced Operating System"
iCloud storage for content
Apple Retail Store and phone support with real people

Amazon appears to have a better sales pitch, and I do like the idea of using Amazon Prime with the Kindle, but I also am very pleased with Apple products. Since I use iTunes to purchase apps, music, TV shows and movies, I am already a customer. I don't really watch TV anymore, so anything I do watch is downloaded or streamed. I feel more comfortable reaching out to Apple if I need technical support. I've heard that dealing with Amazon can be impossible. Amazon also doesn't care about making money on hardware, because it makes it's money on content that is consumable even using an iPad Mini--Amazon built a bunch of apps for it.

So, it looks like I'll be saving up for the iPad Mini.

Do you own either device? Which do you prefer? Leave a comment below!

The Time Has Come: Goodbye Print, Hello E-Books

2013-05-06T23:37:00.000-04:00

Those who know me personally realize how big of a deal this is for me: I am ready to donate all my books to a local non-profit and buy an e-reader. Yes, the person who swore up and down that I would have a giant library of paper books when I'm eighty has finally caved. Truth be told, I'm tired of moving books around. And I have a lot of books. So many, in fact that a friend took a marker and wrote on one of my boxes: "Books, lots and lots of books, way too many books," when he helped me move a few weeks ago. He was right.

A good writer friend of mine and I would often talk about bookstores and how holy they feel. When I am having a bad day or need to feel motivated to write, I go amongst books. I smell the binding, turn the pages and feel something tangible in my hands. I don't believe that bookstores will go away; I think they will continue to go out of business as e-books dominate the market and technology makes it that much easier to access novels instantly. Some bookstores will always remain, but they may be harder to find. I believe that there will be die-hard print lovers who will help the market sustain future print sales. It will be anyone's guess as to where the industry will be in five years.

I remember carrying around a backpack full of textbooks throughout elementary, junior high and high schools, as well as my undergrad program. No wonder my back is so messed up today. Now, more and more schools are trying to use e-books and educational tablets to teach future generations. It's a smart and practical idea, if funding is there.

Most of my books are going to end up at the teen center where I volunteer as a creative writing teacher. Many of the girls I mentor absolutely love reading, and the one or two who don't are warming up to the idea. Sometimes I buy them books with my own money, and we have a book club to talk about our favorite parts of the novel we're reading at that time. I am excited to give them more titles to explore.

Which e-reader am I considering? Good question. I'll save that for another post...

On My To-Read List: The Program by Suzanne Young

2013-05-06T23:12:00.000-04:00

I haven't had time to read for fun. This is partly due to my schedule and non-profit work, partly due to the fact that I am working on my thesis. Last week, I heard Jay Asher give a glowing recommendation for a new dystopian YA book called The Program, by Suzanne Young (Simon Pulse, 416 pages). At first, it seemed like the book was trying to ride the dystopian wave created by Delirium by Lauren Oliver (which was about a world where love was considered a disease and needed to be eradicated; this book is the same idea except depression is Public Enemy #1). I Googled the book and read some reviews of people who were skeptics at first but ended up loving The Program.

In Sloane’s world, true feelings are forbidden, teen suicide is an epidemic, and the only solution is The Program.

Sloane knows better than to cry in front of anyone. With suicide now an international epidemic, one outburst could land her in The Program, the only proven course of treatment. Sloane’s parents have already lost one child; Sloane knows they’ll do anything to keep her alive. She also knows that everyone who’s been through The Program returns as a blank slate. Because their depression is gone—but so are their memories.

Under constant surveillance at home and at school, Sloane puts on a brave face and keeps her feelings buried as deep as she can. The only person Sloane can be herself with is James. He’s promised to keep them both safe and out of treatment, and Sloane knows their love is strong enough to withstand anything. But despite the promises they made to each other, it’s getting harder to hide the truth. They are both growing weaker. Depression is setting in. And The Program is coming for them.

The cover art was what first intrigued me, in a disturbing, clinical way. I don't generally read dystopian because it creeps me out. (I couldn't even handle The Hunger Games violence between children--yes, it's true!) I do wonder, though, how many more books can come out in the dystopian category that deal with a problem/emotion that a government is trying to end.

Another question I have is: Why is depression so rampant in the book? Yes, depression and suicide are definitely issues that many teens deal with, but The Program makes it seem like this contagious, unstoppable disease that is out to destroy society. Is it because any feelings are forbidden, thus creating a buildup inside the characters without any coping skills to manage them? I guess the only way to know for sure is to read it.

Have you read The Program? What do you think? Leave a comment below!

Channeling the Writing Muse: Elizabeth Gilbert and "Your Elusive Creative Genius"

2013-04-22T23:21:00.001-04:00

I had big plans this summer for a major revision of one of my YA manuscripts. In fact, I had postponed finishing another YA novel in order to polish the first one up for agents. Then, it happened: the Writing Muse came in and told me it has other plans...and it's not for a YA book. It's not even for a fiction book!

I've been graced by the writing muse before, and she is very familiar. The voice starts talking, and if I don't listen, it harasses me until I start writing things down. It talks all day and all night. This past weekend, I spent two days sequestered while I listened to the voice. Sometimes I argued; sometimes I told it to bug off and that there was no way I could write a book based on the idea it had. The muse always wins. I've learned to trust her because some of my best writing has come out of the process.

Writers put a lot of pressure on ourselves to produce great work...or even to produce at all. Sometimes the sheer terror of sitting down and actually opening our hearts and minds to a blank page is enough to stop us before we start. So, we wait. And some of us never begin again. I don't want to be a writer who stops and never starts back up. When the muse flies in, I know she's got something important to say. Every writer should trust the process. We also need to stop taking ourselves so seriously and let the channeling happen on its own.

One of my favorite non-YA authors, Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love), gave a TED Talk called, "Your Elusive Creative Genius," in which she talks about motivation, creative genius, and the muse:

How often does the muse speak to you? If she hasn't, have you been listening enough?

The revision process: Why self-care is so important for writers

2013-04-09T23:52:00.001-04:00

Source: abohemian1.tumblr.com

After reviewing feedback on my manuscript from Laurie Halse Anderson, Sarah Aronson and Nova Ren Suma, I pulled the trigger and began the sloooow process of the 4th set of revisions on Down (my first novel I wrote as my MFA thesis). Deadine: September 1st.

On Sunday morning, I had a breakfast date at a local diner and then I forced myself to go sit in a coffee shop and revise for 4 hours. It was painful. Why? Good question. I tried to answer that myself. I think a lot of it is the huge expectations I always have for myself and the quality of my work. Another part of it is that people are waiting to read this next set of revisions. No pressure, right?

And so every time I turn on my laptop, open the Word doc and stare at Chapter One, I panic. Heart races, head hurts, stomach gets nauseous. I am overwhelmed and thinking, "How the hell can I possibly pull this off?" and "This is going to kill me." (Okay, it won't kill me, but the energy expended is totally horrific and I want to go home and crawl under the covers.) Granted, I am writing dark young adult fiction. It's not like the main characters are going to the mall and then getting manicures. I sit down and bleed out everything into my manuscript, so I guess anyone would feel the same way.

The biggest challenge for me at the moment includes a few things:

How to keep revising without letting fear scare me into quitting
How to maintain energy while revising
Creating a solid self-care plan to stay healthy during this process

The first two are easily addressed: I will break the revision process up and do chapters (10 pages). I will not allow myself to move on or worry about the rest of the book until the current chapter is polished. I can keep my energy levels up by listening to music while I write and also taking breaks to stretch.

The last one is especially important. Self-care is something that has been in many discussions with other writers lately. To create stories and help change the world with our words, writers have to be especially careful not to implode, explode or self-destruct for their craft. I am lucky enough to be spending the summer in a truly inspirational place where there is nothing but silence (and maybe a rooster in the morning). I can walk through gardens and stay barefoot without care. It's a writer's paradise. It's also the universe's way of saying, "You'd better get this book revised!"

Self-care for me will consist of: Plenty of sleep, healthy eating, yoga, venting to writer friends, lots of tasty tea and a few motivational coffees in between, maintaining proper ergonomics for my back and wrists, quiet surroundings, and less self-inflicted pressure. I'll also need to come up with a reward system to keep me going. I've heard of people putting money in a jar each day. Or, at a certain page in a manuscript (say 100), they treat themselves to chocolates and flowers. (I'm thinking a trip to the spa.) There is certainly nothing wrong with dangling a carrot in front of yourself. We writers need to give ourselves a break, because we do something that most people can't muster the ability to do (but would like to).

Everyone has a story. Some tell theirs; others don't. For those of us who tell and will continue to tell, let's be gentle and kind and loving with ourselves. Our books deserve us at our best, and our readers do, too.

If you're a writer, what's your self-care plan? How do you keep from going insane? Leave a comment and tell me what it is.

What haunted me at 17

2013-04-02T20:56:00.000-04:00

Me on the right during a trip to London

As part of the debut of Nova Ren Suma's book 17 & Gone, many writers are blogging about what haunted them at age 17.

When I was 17, I was a senior in high school: Tall, too skinny, too scared of life. I hated high school. I didn't fully fit into any of the groups; I was not smart enough to hang with the geeks, but not shallow enough to hang with the pretty girls. I had friends from every group, but was only close with a handful. Friday nights were not spent hanging in the park or over at someone's house getting buzzed. I was not allowed to date, not allowed to ride in cars and not allowed to be alone with boys.

I was a ghost in high school. I had a huge crush on a boy named Scott who never noticed me. My body was too thin, my chest was flat and I still had acne plaguing my face. What haunted me at 17 was the feeling of never fully existing--as a human, as a woman, as someone loveable and worth any attention. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time alone in my room on weekends depressed and wishing I could be someone else. If only I had mustered up the confidence to socialize more--to rebel a little and go to a party. To have had a curvier body that a boy wanted to explore, instead of bony hips that got me teased and called anorexic, even though I wasn't. To have had a family that validated me instead of tore me down. To have had less fear about my dreams and more courage to explore the world.

A lot of girls were like me in high school. They came from families who appeared normal on the outside and were completely dysfunctional on the inside: Alcoholic fathers, cruel mothers, grandparents who expected them to smile sweetly and never complain. I didn't know these other girls then, but I know them now. I hear their stories, and they are similar to mine: Lonely girl, unloved, wants to die. When I was 17, I had a nervous breakdown and stayed in bed for 2 days. My family didn't know what to do with me, so they ignored everything. All I wanted was someone to actually listen and not judge.

I am 28 now. I am single after a failed marriage and then a relationship with an abusive narcissist. I am a writer, not yet published, but still writing from the heart of my 17-year-old self. I remember, and it haunts me. I look at photographs and see the girl half-there.

However, I also remember how far I've come, and the things I've learned. I am not a ghost now. I am beautiful. I have curves that men love to explore and a personality that my friends enjoy. I radiate positive energy. I love myself. It has taken a while to get here, but I am here now and that's all that counts. The ghost, the lonely girl half-there now has a world to explore and a dream to embrace. People are listening, waiting to hear what she has to say: That life is worth living...that she is worth it all.

***

About 17 & Gone, the latest novel by Nova Ren Suma:

Girls go missing every day.

They slip out bedroom windows and into strange cars. They leave good-bye notes or they don’t get a chance to tell anyone. They cross borders. They hitch rides, squeezing themselves into overcrowded backseats, sitting on willing laps. They curl up and crouch down, or they shove their bodies out of sunroofs and give off victory shouts. Girls make plans to go, but they also vanish without meaning to, and sometimes people confuse one for the other. Some girls go kicking and screaming and clawing out the eyes of whoever won’t let them stay. And then there are the girls who never reach where they’re going. Who disappear. Their ends are endless, their stories unknown. These girls are lost, and I’m the only one who’s seen them.

I know their names. I know where they end up—a place seeming as formless and boundless as the old well on the abandoned property off Hollow Mill Road that swallows the town’s dogs.

I want to tell everyone about these girls, about what’s happening, I want to give warning, I want to give chase. I’d do it, too, if I thought someone would believe me.

Seventeen-year-old Lauren is having visions of girls who have gone missing. And all these girls have just one thing in common—they are 17 and gone without a trace. As Lauren struggles to shake these waking nightmares, impossible questions demand urgent answers: Why are the girls speaking to Lauren? How can she help them? And… is she next? As Lauren searches for clues, everything begins to unravel, and when a brush with death lands her in the hospital, a shocking truth emerges, changing everything.

With complexity and richness, Nova Ren Suma serves up a beautiful, visual, fresh interpretation of what it means to be lost.

Dutton/Penguin, March 21, 2013
Hardcover and ebook, ISBN 9780525423409

For more information about 17 & Gone, visit:
Nova Ren Suma's official site
Haunted at 17 blog series

AWP Boston 2013: Cheryl Strayed, Augusten Burroughs and Nova Ren Suma

2013-03-11T23:56:00.003-04:00

Thousands of writers converged in Boston last week for the Association of Writers and Writing Programs (AWP) annual conference. I have been to AWP before when I went to DC in 2010, so after browsing the list of accepted panels, I felt I really didn't need to go hear a lot of the same stuff again. However, there were two reasons I spent the day in Boston this past Saturday: the Cheryl Strayed/Augusten Burroughs closing presentation, and Nova Ren Suma. I absolutely adore all three writers.

I studied Augusten's work in 2010 while working on my MFA in fiction, and he influenced the development of my voice as a writer. Cheryl Strayed has also influenced not just my writing, but my entire life when I discovered the Dear Sugar column on The Rumpus. It was Cheryl's hauntingly raw, beautiful truth (from responses "The Woman Hanging on the End of the Line" and "Tiny Beautiful Things") that gave me the courage to leave the things that I knew in my heart weren't working last year. She read "Tiny Beautiful Things" in Boston. I cried.

Her advice: "You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don't need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough.... Be brave enough to break your own heart."

I sat next to my mentor from New York City, Nova Ren Suma, and we both were just in total awe. Nova and I got to meet in person for the first time at AWP this year, and it was wonderful. I brought one of her books and got it signed. She told me that she knows it's just a matter of time before I get published. I told her that my goal is to revise this summer and query again starting in September.

My life is at the turning point where anything wonderful is within reach. Cheryl Strayed is right when she says, "Don't lament about how much your career is going to turn out. You don't have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue. You are a writer because you write. Keep writing and quit your bitching. Your book has a birthday. You don't know what it is yet."

Yes.

So I will spend the spring and summer doing exactly that. I will keep my head down and my heart open and have the greatest love affair ever with my novel. No distractions, no excuses.

As Cheryl famously says, "Write like a motherfucker."

Writing, success and jealousy

2013-02-19T23:16:00.002-05:00

This is my current reality: I’m 28, unpublished, without an agent, with months of revisions in front of me for book #1, and over 200 pages of book #2 to write. This would make most writers cringe. In fact, in the time it took to write these opening words, many writers have given up for good on their dreams. That’s how it usually goes. For every published writer, you have hundreds, maybe thousands who quit. Writers quit for many reasons: money, family, career opportunity, burnout, suicide, addiction…and jealousy. No one really talks about the “J” word, yet it lurks in the shadows at some point in every writer’s life.

Let’s talk hypothetical for a moment. You have a handful of people who are writers. Everyone in this group struggles to some extent to produce work, query, get an agent, revise, land a book deal, revise, revise, revise, and get published. Many don’t realize that the average book takes about 3 years to publish (some books around a year and a half; some even less time if it is anticipated by marketing to be a “hot” book). That doesn’t even include the time the author took to actually write the thing. (That’s a whole other story about time.) So, let’s say that out of this handful of writers, one gives up after a few months and takes a “real” job to pay the bills (I say “real” because many people judge writers as slackers without tangible talent); the others keep going and eventually one—one!—of them lands an agent AND an awesome book deal.

Cue jealousy by group.

I’ve seen these scenarios happen many times. I’ve had pangs of jealousy and beat myself up with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and trash tv after hearing that yet another friend got good news. (I self-loathed for a short time, then got real with myself.) Jealousy is a waste of energy. Sure, all writers would love to be guaranteed publishing. But that’s not how it works. I would love to promise that polished prose is the key to publishing, but that’s not entirely true, either. Publishing is a weird industry that is subjective and about marketability, timing, demand and a slew of other factors. Good, even great writing is just a piece of the puzzle.

Being jealous is a waste of energy. I will say it again: Being jealous is a waste of energy. It’s wasting energy you can be using to motivate your own writing, revise, polish and query your little heart out. Only then, after exhausting every single avenue, every agent, every publisher, do you have the right to pout (for a minute). If you’re not getting traditionally published, then explore self-publishing. If that doesn’t work find another way to share your work with the world. There is always a way to do that. There is always an audience for all of us—always eyes and ears ready for stories.

There is enough for everyone.

If you are a writer who is depressed, ready to give up and sick of trying, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you haven’t landed that agent or published the book of your heart. I used to feel that way, too. Then, I decided that I am only human. I write because I want to, I need to and that outweighs everything else. When my friends’ books appear on shelves, I buy them. I congratulate them on their writing. And then I get back to mine. I may never get anywhere with my writing, but accepting that is part of the journey. I still keep trying, knowing that somewhere in this strange, magnificent world there are eyes waiting for me.

What Sylvia Plath taught me about the fear of writing

2013-02-12T00:52:00.006-05:00

The fear of writing has undoubtedly been the biggest obstacle (in my humble opinion) of all writers. It is where writer’s block stems from. It is what drives writers mad, or any artist, really. Writing is art; writers are stuck inside this hamster wheel of pain/produce. What I mean by that is that writers feel and then are compelled to process that feeling by putting words on paper, producing something tangible. The problems come when we have the pain, love, and joy, whatever emotion and then can’t get it out. We fear it. The idea or emotion or thing we wish to express is too grandiose, too complicated, too amazing, too heart wrenching to even begin to let out. So we hold it in. And it drives us mad.

Yes, some writers have gone mad—far too many, yet that seems to be the price we pay for being a vessel of humanity’s deepest, darkest longings. Take Sylvia Plath (one of my favorite writers ever): She committed suicide at age 30 by putting her head in a gas oven. As I write this, it is the 50th anniversary of her death. It was February 11, 1963. Sylvia had been married English poet Ted Hughes and at 28 (which is my current age), published her first book, The Colossus. Her more famous autobiographical novel, The Bell Jar, was published the year she died. In her final months, Sylvia wrote a lot of poetry as she battled depression—something that many writers grapple with. Her rumored last poem, “Edge,” really paints an ominous picture:

The woman is perfected. Her dead

Body wears the smile of accomplishment, The illusion of a Greek necessity

Flows in the scrolls of her toga, Her bare

Feet seem to be saying: We have come so far, it is over.

Each dead child coiled, a white serpent, One at each little

Pitcher of milk, now empty. She has folded

Them back into her body as petals Of a rose close when the garden

Stiffens and odors bleed From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower.

The moon has nothing to be sad about, Staring from her hood of bone.

She is used to this sort of thing. Her blacks crackle and drag.

The reason why I mention Sylvia Plath is that I think about my own self: I’m 28, without an agent, without a final revision to my manuscript and with a lot of fear. While I’ve overcome the depression bit of it, I nevertheless carry a burden of pressure and self-inflicted judgment. We writers are masochists. However, no one is to blame but myself. At least Sylvia wrote—and kept writing—even down to the very end. She was far braver in many ways. Sometimes we need to face the fear of feeling and let it be a continous trickle, rather than pulling the floodgates open all at once. What am I afraid of? Am I afraid of coming undone? Of ending up like Sylvia Plath? Maybe. But I am more afraid of investing so much energy and time and then…failing.

A friend of mine who teaches writing recently shared my flash fiction, “Anna, Undone” with his college students (unbeknownst to me, but I don't mind a bit!). He reached out to say it was the most talked about writing that week and that they loved it. (As a reference, I had planned months ago on turning that piece into a full novel.) So, what’s the moral of the story? Don’t give up. Even if you think you are a miserable, invisible writer, I guarantee that someone, somewhere will find truth in your words. I need to take my own advice.

I think of Sylvia and the impact she’s had on my young adult fiction. I remember reading The Bell Jar three years ago for my master’s program and feeling my mind unravel. She was that good. And she still haunts us even fifty years later. It pushes me to try again, every day, even if nothing comes out. Because I wouldn't want to die at 30, and not have the chance to see what possibilities lie ahead. My life is great and my writing can only get better. I'll do it for me, I'll do it for Sylvia.

I hold on to the words engraved on her tombstone, and use them as a reminder to keep going:

Even admist fierce flames the golden lotus can be planted.

"Edge" © The Estate of Sylvia Plath. Faber and Faber Ltd and the Estate of Sylvia Plath from Collected Poems published by Faber and Faber

Dreams as inspiration for stories

2013-02-04T23:53:00.002-05:00

Dreams. Nightmares. Sometimes we wake up in the early hours of the morning confused, scared or wondering what in the world is going on in our minds while we sleep. I recently fund myself awake at 2am on a Sunday morning after a particularly disturbing dream that was what I can only describe as a cross between the YA novels Delirium and The Hunger Games. Love meets really screwed up dystopian big brother society.

When I woke up, the first thing I thought was, "This would be an awesome book," and then I proceeded to take notes in darkness. Is there any truth to dreams as catalysts for great stories? I believe so. Are there dreams that seem so awesome by night, but by day are complete jibberish? Absolutely. A good writer keeps trying, though.

Any creative mind has an active subconscious, and that comes alive especially at night. My mind is in constant overdrive. I dream in color, sound, touch, taste, feeling. It's like an out-of-body experience. Sometimes I wake up wondering if there isn't something there that would make a good story. Often times, I don't write my ideas down, and by mid-day the muse has completely flown the coop. So, how do writers tackle the idea of dreams as inspiration for stories? Can a writer channel a best-seller by moonlight?

I definitely think so. And, I have some advice for those writers out there having fantastical dreams but are unsure of how to vet the good ideas from the bad.

1. Always write down your dreams. If it sounds like a good idea at 2am, there is no guarantee that you are going to remember it, let alone like the idea in broad daylight. Some things from the subconscious just don't make sense. Put it on paper and wait until you've had a good cup of coffee before analyzing.

2. Ask your friends. Even if you think you have the next Twilight (which, ironically, was conceived during a dream), run the idea by someone first. What sounds really awesome to you, can sound awful to an innocent bystander. Our minds are messed up and we need to get an objective opinion sometimes.

3. Write. Take your idea and write a scene or a chapter. Do something with the idea to see if it has legs to stand on. If things feel forced or unnatural, maybe the idea isn't something to pursue in the long run. You never know until you give it a chance.

The bottom line is that most of what we dream is fantasy, is subconscious working out the issues of the day. Sometimes, a glimmer of the muse comes through and we think we're on to something. Don't let those dreams pass you buy. Write down anything remotely interesting in a notebook. Keep it bedside so you don't have to go stumbling in the dark. You never know when the next million-dollar idea is going to strike.

On love and heartbreak

2013-01-21T21:23:00.001-05:00

I write what I know.

The biggest reason why my writing is good is due to all the emotional trauma I've endured in my life, mostly from childhood and adolescence. They say life imitates art, and in my case, I think it's happened that way.

The novel I wrote in my MFA program tells a tale of a girl left broken after a traumatic event, afraid she will never be able to feel normal again. She meets an equally if not more damaged boy, who refuses to try. There is a connection between the two, an eternal spark almost that creates a very intense relationship in a short period of time. By the end, she decides to save herself. He does not. So, she is forced to let go. Unrequited love is the most tragic.

I realized last week that I had written a chapter of my real life two years before it even played out. Over Thanksgiving week of last year, that chapter came to its final page, and my relationship of a year and seven months ended.

2012 was a hard year for me. I didn't write as much as I wanted. I couldn't. There was so much I let go of that I was left with a gaping wound that ached even at the slightest movement. I let go of my family after they denied years of abuse and refused to hear my emotional truth. Then, I had to let go of my boyfriend. We both carried wounds that needed healing, and while I chose to lift myself up screaming, he instead went deeper down into a place I could not reach. He became someone dark and foreign and angry. Even though we can not be together, I still love him as a human being. I'll always love him, as I try to love everyone, because I see what's hiding, aching to come into the light. But sometimes people can't love you back in a healthy way, because they don't even love themselves, and that's when you have to do what's best for you.

Letting go.

When two people take different directions in life, it can be a small shift. More often than not, it isn't. There was no bridge between us--there couldn't be. God knows I tried. And so as I sit here writing this, fighting back tears about someone I couldn't save and trying to breathe around the hard knot in my throat, I realize that living the pain, working through the pain, and then writing the pain is what helps. It helps me and it helps you, the reader. It helps teenage girls who have just been dumped for the first time and are holed up in their room on a Friday night with a searing pain in their chest wondering if they'll ever be loved again. I know, because I used to be that girl. I still am that girl, even at 28. The feeling stays the same.

There is a thin, almost non-existent line between the artist and the art. Between the writer and the story. Some don't think it should be that way. Some are consumed because of it. That is the price we pay for love and heartbreak, to be poets of the human condition. I don't know when I'll be able to write again--to really write, as in working on my manuscripts. For now, this blog may take a detour to follow what happens behind the scenes when a writer is being broken, shaped, burned, polished by life. I dare say that these things are equally as important as the written words in a book of fiction.

I carry grief, I carry nothing. I wait: In a rented room, with little money, a sleepy cat, and lonely nights falling asleep to unanswered questions, a burning in my heart, and a fear of tomorrow.

In long, silent hours and heavy words left unspoken, I wait: For inspiration, for love, for strength, for life.

No matter what happens when I turn this page, I know this isn't the end.

My story still has many chapters left.

I wait.

5 days with Laurie Halse Anderson

2012-11-05T22:39:00.000-05:00

Me and Laurie Halse Anderson

I haven't been blogging much--can you tell?

But I did want to get back into blog mode so I could share my amazingly kick-ass retreat from October. I traveled over 4 hours into Vermont to do writerly things for 5 days with the one and only, Laurie Halse Anderson.

The Stone Spirit Farm Intensive brought together 15 brilliant women, published and non-published, for a retreat that was not only inspirational but pivotal for many. I am honored to have been a part of such a great group--and honored that Laurie took time from her busy writing life to be with us. In fact, she was on deadline for her fall 2013 YA novel--and she finished it while with us! We got to hear her read an excerpt, and the only thing I can say is: Get ready. If you think her other books are powerful, this one is sure to be a bestseller.

Laurie Halse Anderson reads from her
forthcoming novel

I applied to the intensive knowing that I seriously needed to overhaul my first novel from grad school. I wanted to undo all that things that had been done, because it wasn't a good story the way it was. I needed to start again, throw out what wasn't mine and really write the hell out of it. Thanks to feedback and a wealth of advice from Laurie and YA writer Sarah Aronson, I am actually excited to do another revision! And it was awesome to see other writers catch that same feeling, that energy that gives you butterflies when you let yourself dive into the words...and go. We all needed reassurance, validation, inspiration, invigoration. And we got it.

I was so pumped that I applied for the Novel Writing Retreat at Vermont College of Fine Arts next March, where I'll get to study with Lauren Myracle.

Fall day at Stone Spirit Farm

Plus, I am using NaNoWriMo to complete my first draft of my second novel. I really want to complete it, but am having doubts I'll reach 50k by the end of the month. I'm still trying to figure out the work/health/sleep/writing schedule. It can be hard when you write all day for your normal job then have to write MORE for your personal life. But, that's the life of a writer. And Laurie told us how she has been writing for 20 years! Every day she makes herself do it. Every day she gets in the chair, no distractions, and just WRITES. Discipline is something I've been working hard to master....

Are you doing NaNoWriMo? How's it going so far? Buddy me--I'm Allie84. Let's keep each other motivated!

The reappearance of Alisia Leavitt

2012-09-05T21:11:00.002-04:00

‎"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."

-Ernest Hemingway

I took a break from blogging. And writing.

Some of you may have wondered why I was so absent from the blogosphere over the summer. I was lurking, but on a mental hiatus. Here's the breakdown of what I accomplished this summer:

Ally Condie at BEA 2012

Attended BEA at the Javits Center in New York City. I got to see Lois Lowry, Chris Colfer and *gasp* John Green. Yes, it was the whole reason I went to NYC. (That, and Bloomingdales. And the Frrrozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity.)
Met Ally Condie, author of MATCHED.
Got accepted to spend five glorious days studying with Laurie Halse Anderson. Yes, you heard right. I will be in Vermont in October with my YA idol.
Had a nervous breakdown.
Did a lot of therapy, crying and eating of junk food. The double edged sword of what I write is that a lot of it is rooted in personal trauma. To keep myself sane, I've had to face the demons and work through layers to understand myself--and also to learn how to keep enough distance so that my work doesn't consume me. I think many artists suffer from this problem. And I guarantee it's not easy. I promised myself I'd always be honest with my audience (though I can't really call you all an "audience" because I don't even have anything published yet, so that feels kind of grandiose) about why I write and what it means to bring these very real issues (suicide, depression, rape, cutting) to the table.
Cried like a baby reading John Green's THE FAULT IN OUR STARS. Yup, more crying. I only hope to one day write something as moving as this.
Wondered if I'll ever get an agent.
Wondered if I'll have the emotional guts to keep writing past page 7 of my second novel. ANNA, UNDONE is hitting real close to home for me. No, I haven't killed anyone. No, I don't intend to.
Beat myself up because I feel old at 28 and will never be able to move to NYC and work at a publisher like I see all these perky 18-year-olds doing. I've put down roots where I am. My current job is great. I have a house, a boyfriend, a pit bull, two cats and a partridge in a pear tree.
Prepared myself for my Saturn Return in Scorpio. If you follow astrology and know the significance of this, you understand why my life in the year preceding right now has completely sucked.
Thought about giving up on writing entirely. I think all writers go through this. Several times.

So, right now I am in my second semester of my MS in Publishing at Pace, learning about the business side of the book industry (hey, writers should have some business sense these days) and prepping for my LAURIE HALSE ANDERSON intensive. Yeah, I had to cap that because I am that excited. And apparently there were a lot of people trying to get in, and only 12 got selected, so that must mean I am doing something right....

How was your summer?

Q&A with Gwendolyn Heasley on her second debut, A LONG WAY FROM YOU

2012-06-05T21:35:00.000-04:00

Gwendolyn Heasley's second book, A LONG WAY FROM YOU debuts today from HarperTeen! Please welcome Gwendolyn as she answers a few question about the book.

For too long, Kitsy has had to satisfy her dreams of becoming a real artist by giving her friends makeovers before prom. So when her best friend Corrinne's family offers to sponsor her for a summer art course in New York City, Kitsy bids a temporary good-bye to Texas to say hello to the West Village.

Between navigating the subway and the New Yorkers—namely, the Art Boy who has a nice trick of getting under her skin—Kitsy knows that this summer is going to be about a lot more than figure drawing.

AL: Did you know from the beginning that you would write a second book featuring Kitsy Kidd?
GH: Kitsy was one of my favorite characters in WHERE I BELONG. When I wrote WHERE I BELONG, I knew Kitsy’s backstory in my head but I didn’t include much of it in the first novel. I always wanted Kitsy to have her own novel and I’m delighted it worked out.

AL: What's your favorite line in the book?

GH: "There are a thousand ways to see the same view," OR "I wonder if coincidence and fate are actually the same thing." Both expresse some of the book’s themes.

AL: Why was Kitsy your choice of Broken Spoke character to write a second story around?

GH: I loved the idea of writing the reverse of WHERE I BELONG, a small town girl comes to New York City and I loved Kitsy, so it was a natural fit. Many readers told me that Kitsy was their favorite, so I hope they like her story J I had a great time writing it.

AL: Tell us about upcoming plans for your third book. Will it include any Broken Spoke characters?

GH: I’m moving on from these characters for my third book but that’s about all I know. Stay tuned for more updates on my website GwendolynHeasley.com

AL: Tell us about your favorite part of NYC, a place readers must visit after reading A LONG WAY FROM YOU.

GH: There’s a secret garden in the West Village that’s a total treat to visit. Read the book for directions.

AL: Do you have a favorite song that fits the theme of the story?

GH: I listened to "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson a lot while writing the story. The song fits with the theme of searching for what’s best for you.

Thanks, Gwendolyn! To buy A LONG WAY FROM YOU, visit Amazon HERE.

Chug...chug...engine sputter...chug

2012-05-08T20:21:00.000-04:00

Yeah.

So I am on week two of blogging everyday (or attempting to), and I've totally ignored the guidelines I originally planned to follow. Each day's post was supposed to be based on a theme or a question. I've decided that my latest depressing saga of rejection and anxiety is more important.

So here we are.

I am one day behind my deadline of 10 pages for my MediaBistro course. I am on page 3, and boy, is this sucky. When I wrote my first novel (which I am editing at the same time I'm writing the second), I basically had no outline, no idea of what was going to happen to the character. I vomited every page and then went back and did many revisions. That was not fun. So, with book two, I've decided to be much more mindful of my sentences in relation to character and plot. Every sentence, every word, must be carefully evaluated.

It has taken me two days to write three pages. Oy.

The good news is that so far, I am carrying a 4.0 in my MS in Publishing program. Perfectionist? Yes. Burned out? Yes. Do I want to run for the hills and avoid civilization and deadlines and thinking right now? Yes.

Today I was told by a friend that I have too much on my plate--and I know, in theory, she is right. I do. But I can't blame anyone but myself, because if I didn't push myself hard I'd be whining about how unfulfilled and meaningless my life feels. (The funny part about that is I still feel like that, busy or not!) I've always pushed myself to be better, to prove to myself that I can do impossible things.

Why? Because my childhood left a very distinctive trauma on me that really stunted my ability to be a teenager, enjoy my undergrad, cut loose. I spent a lot of time in emotional ER, so to speak, to stop the bleeding from what happened. I didn't have time to focus on awesome grades or socializing or even functioning like a normal human being. So when I enrolled in my MFA at age 25, I wanted to make up for lost time. And I achieved so much that I didn't think I had the strength to do (while going through a divorce, btw.) This drive has continued to my second master's program. I love what I'm learning, and it is damn hard work, but I know I'll be proud in the end.

I told my boyfriend that my weekends are now devoted to just writing. I can't waste my time doing other things while I have not one, but two important projects to tackle. Because seriously, I'm *never* going to get an agent if I keep wasting time.

Tick tock....

Another rejection (and boy this one hurt)

2012-05-07T22:00:00.000-04:00

I have been holding my breath waiting for news on an ms I submitted to a top agency where *two* of my well-established writer friends have agents. Unfortunately, this agency had a previous revision I queried them in November, and since then I have hired an editor and totally revised it again. So, I never got to show this agency the totally awesome revision. And they passed. UGH!

This was a hard one to take because one of my friends was so hoping her agent would be interested. And I'm not going to lie, I did lock myself in the bathroom and have a good cry for about twenty minutes. I texted my boyfriend and told him how today was ruined (it is our one-year anniversary) and how all I wanted to do was crawl into bed. I also emailed my friend and told her.

You know what made it better and less nauseating for me? My friend told me how much she believed in me, how she had a feeling about me making it. And I know she isn't bs-ing me because she's been in the industry way long enough to know potential from mediocrity. And her struggle to agent-dom was much like mine, so she knows the heartbreak involved.

When she emailed me those words of honest encouragement, it made all the difference. It made me validated. It made me stop crying and muster some fight. So to my friend, thank you so much. I am balancing two books at once and I'm not very good at keeping up. I am behind on my pages for this week. It feels like I never have enough time between work and grad school and being tired. I need to get more disciplined--maybe start writing in the morning (although I don't know how well that will work out because I am NOT a morning person). I need to nail down a better schedule. Then tackle the issue of writer's block, fear, and procrastination. Maybe if I get in a set routine, I will get used to it.

Hopefully.

Rashes, procrastination and the ER

2012-05-06T15:45:00.001-04:00

So I've been trying to blog every day. I did for two days. Then I forgot. I've been really exhausted the last few weeks, like so exhausted I have to suck down coffee at work to stay focused. Caffeine and I have become amicable. I used to avoid it because it made me really jittery. Now I compromise and try to drink decaf at least.

Two weeks ago I woke up with my hands bright red in the area between my thumb and pointer finger. A red, flat rash type of thing. But it wasn't caused by allergies or anything. And it really wasn't a rash, per se. (Why am I blogging about rashes? Ew.) I had some other things going on, too, like joint pain. I chose to ignore it, thinking that it was just a new manifestation of an auto-immune disease I have (Crohn's).

Fast forward to this past Friday. My hands had faded to tan/brown, but the areas are still discolored. I was on Google trying to see if anyone else had anything similar, and things like Lupus, Lymphoma, and Sepsis were coming up. I opened a link to a forum thread where a woman is talking about how life-threatening sepsis can be (blood poisoning) and how you need to get to an emergency room asap. I read the symptoms aloud (I had maybe 3) and my boyfriend became more concerned. What if I did have sepsis and was going to drip dead because it was too late? I decided for peace of mind to head to the ER and see what was up. I didn't have any faith that docs would have an answer. I was right. They were baffled. Blood tests were done and everything checked out A-ok. The only thing they could say was what I already thought: it was a manifestation of the disease and I should keep an eye on it.

All the writing I needed to start on Friday was pretty much postponed due to two hours in the ER. Honestly, I was tired. So I went to bed early. I told myself I would wake early and get everything out of the way: finish tweaks on novel one, write 10 pages for novel two, and some other things. Nope. I totally slept in. But then I made myself get some writing done that absolutely had to get done.

Everyone is asking for my time these days, and I don't have enough hours in the day for my day job writing and school and freelance and books one and two. I have to say "no" a lot and people don't understand. I am up to my ears in writing and holding on for dear life.

I always get angry at myself for not accomplishing more. Writing is hard. There are periods where I don't write for weeks. Half because of fear, half because things need to be "right" to go down on paper, otherwise I get even more frustrated. Yeah, I'm kind of a perfectionist. On Monday had to write the first page of my novel for the MediaBistro class I'm in. I wasn't ready, but time was running out. So I wrote something that was a decent start, but things need fixing. I tell myself to just sit down in the damn chair and write, but I can't just write.

I'm sitting here right now when I could be writing. But I'm not. And there's this conflict going on inside where once voice is screaming, "Time's running out! You're never going to get an agent if you keep stalling!" And the other voice is saying, "God, I'm so tired. All I want to do is read a book for fun, eat pizza, and sleep on the couch." This voice is winning. I really am tired. Really. But then I remind myself that hard work will pay off and that I shouldn't give up now because I am so close to getting an agent. It's okay to say "no" to people and it's okay that they don't understand why. I am lucky I am still healthy enough to write.

I wish I could open myself like a bottle and pour out a story.

But, it's not that easy. Trust me.

Favorite YA authors: Who's yours?

2012-05-02T21:28:00.002-04:00

Today is Day 2 of my BlogMe Maybe challenge. So, I'm putting the question out to all of you fellow bloggers, readers, and writers: Who is your favorite YA author? Why?

Mine is tough because Laurie Halse Anderson and John Green are tied for first. I love how Laurie is an advocate for teen issues and tackles subjects that are like "the elephant in the room" for most parents. John is equally great because he has an excellent ability to put a lot of emotion into his writing. He makes readers think about life and I love that. We need more YA that makes readers reflect on the world.

Blog Me Maybe Blogfest 2012

2012-05-01T20:51:00.002-04:00

So today I signed up for Blog Me Maybe Blogfest 2012, created by Sarah McClung. Some of you have said you'd like to see more blogposts from me (my bad for being so busy!), so that's what I'm trying to. The way Blog Me Maybe works is that every day for month of May I'll do a post based off a question or theme:

The Blog Me Maybe Schedule:

Mondays: May I tell you something about writing?This can be anything writing-related. A post on craft. A post on your process. A snippet of your WIP, if you like to share. A book on craft that you want to recommend. Things you struggle with. Things you rock at. ANYTHING at all!

Tuesdays: May I tell you something about myself?
Pretty self-explanatory :) Share something about yourself that your followers might not know. Or maybe they do. It doesn't matter--this is just so people who read your blog can get to know you a little better.

Wednesdays: May I ask something about you?
Ask your followers something about themselves.

Thursdays: May I tell you something about someone else?
Make this post about someone else. A writing friend. A critique partner. A person from history who's fascinating. A character from a book. Anyone you want. :) Have a guest poster. Give an interview. Get creative! Just let the spotlight shine on someone else.

Fridays: May I share something funny?
Fridays = the starts of weekends! BOOYA. Reason to celebrate and laugh on it's own--plus, who doesn't want to see something amusing after a long week?

So, since it's Tuesday, I'll tell you something about myself. I wrote my first novella when I was twelve, and it was horrible now that I think about it! I remember it being about a girl my age who was vacationing at the beach and she finds a magical emerald in the sand. Turns out, the emerald is coveted by an evil Irish demon who will stop at nothing to get it back. Yeah, I deleted that story around page 90. I can't even remember what happened.

Do you remember what your first story was? Did you like it or hate it? Leave a comment below!

Why this whole process is hard

2012-04-29T13:15:00.004-04:00

People outside the world of writing think that getting published is so damn easy.

Well, it's not. (Unless you give up and self publish.) I know that's harsh; self-publishing isn't all bad, but why settle when you can try for the Big Six? Yes, there are reasons why some go the Amazon route, but I'm not one of them. For me, (and I mean me, not you) self-pubbing is the equivalent to failing--for me it's the "easy" way out. Yes, I am going to catch some serious crap from people for saying that. It's just my opinion for my writing goals. I know a couple of really decent writers who have self-published. I don't think they've failed, because that's what they wanted and it makes them happy. I'm talking about the self-pubbing in the context of people who wake up one day, write a story, and upload it onto Amazon and call themselves "authors." God, I've seen so much garbage out there. I don't want to be grouped into the self-publishing world for that very reason. But then again, there is a lot of really bad YA out there that has been put out by real publishers. Writing YA is sort of an uphill battle from the get-go. I don't need anymore trouble added on.

I'm in a funk this weekend. When I go to bookstores and see bad YA it makes me depressed, because I know my writing is so much better than that, yet I remain unagented. Call me self-righteous, call me cocky, whatever. I work damn hard to hone my craft, and to see it untapped makes me very frustrated. But it's a competitive business. Most writers try and never get published. That's what people don't understand. It's not this artsy, chic, fun process where you get a six-figure deal and travel and get famous. Not unless you are one in a million. Most writers, like me, struggle. We have day jobs, we have debt, we are on a budget. We worry about things. We get depressed. Some drink too much. It's a 24/7 battle to maintain a positive outlook when you are constantly being rejected.

I had this foolish dream that I was going to be published by 30. I'll be 28 this August. At this point, the chances of that are incredibly slim. Books take time to get published. You don't just sign a deal and then a week later it's printed. It takes at least a year, if not more, to go through the editorial stages.

If I could have a do-over in my life, I'd never have gotten married at 21. I would have dove into my MFA and MS earlier and headed to New York and started my career in publishing. At 28, my life is not going to be in New York. That ship has sailed. And even if by some chance I moved, I'm too old to build the career I've dreamed of. There are too many young, motivated, and competitive grads ahead of me. So, while I may have a shot at publication at some point in my life, that's pretty much it.

Portland, Maine, where I live, has some artistic integrity. There is a large group of writers who live in this state. Most of them are older. I haven't felt that confident in the writing community here; in fact, many writers in Maine are pretentious and look down on YA. And to be honest, I'm tired of their literary stories of lighthouses and lobsters and Maine. It's really not my thing. So, I wish Maine was more diverse in its collection of writers. I tried to start a YA group in the fall. All these people said they'd show up for the first meeting downtown, and no one came. I sat at the coffee shop for two hours waiting like a complete idiot. That's when I decided I'd had enough of dealing with the writing community here.

My heart is not here in Maine. I should be in New York permanently, but for various reasons it is not going to happen (don't bother offering suggestions).

Today I was going to work on the new book, but I'm non-functional. That's another side effect that writers get. Some days, we just can't deal with anything more than checking email.

BEA, NYC, and Nova Ren Suma

2012-04-29T12:32:00.000-04:00

I'm finishing up my first semester in Pace University's MS in Publishing program. So far, I've learned a ton of fascinating info about the industry.

I started a MediaBistro course with YA author Nova Ren Suma (Dani Noir, Fade Out, Imaginary Girls), and I couldn't be happier! Nova's guidance has already been so, so beneficial. It's great to have an established author as a mentor and only an email away! Check out her awesome blog, distraction no. 99.

Still pounding the pavement to find an agent for Down, although I hired an editor to do a complete revision of the ms again. I'm very pleased with the way this one has turned out. Time can give you a lot of perspective, and I was finding things in the story that needed tweaking.

BEA is just around the corner, and I'll be at the Blogger's Conference on June 4th. Summer in the city is definitely my thing, so I'm excited to attend!

Giveaway winner: The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

2012-04-12T19:23:00.000-04:00

The Fault in Our Stars Giveaway has ended!

Congrats to Lisseth from read-a-holicz.blogspot.com!

Lisseth wins an autographed hardcover copy of The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.

Thanks to all the participants and stay tuned for more giveaways soon...

Giveaway: Win an autographed copy of The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

2012-04-04T19:20:00.001-04:00

John Green fans: If you haven't read The Fault in Our Stars, now is the time to win a free autographed copy!

ABOUT THE BOOK:
Despite the tumor-shrinking medical miracle that has bought her a few years, Hazel has never been anything but terminal, her final chapter inscribed upon diagnosis. But when a gorgeous plot twist named Augustus Waters suddenly appears at Cancer Kid Support Group, Hazel’s story is about to be completely rewritten.

THE FAULT IN OUR STARS GIVEAWAY

From now until 11:59 PM EST on Wednesday, April 11th:

-Post a comment below telling me why you want to win = 1 entry

-Share this giveaway with your friends! Tweet about the giveaway using @AlisiaLeavitt and @realjohngreen on Twitter = Bonus entry

-Winner will be randomly selected and announced on April 12th

Good luck!

BEA 2012

2012-04-01T14:37:00.002-04:00

Are you attending BEA? If you haven't checked it out, I highly encourage it. BEA stands for BookExpo America--North America's leading publishing conference.

I'll be attending the Book Bloggers Convention on June 4th, as well as the BEA from June 5-7 at the Javits Center in NYC. I am very excited to be attending an author's breakfast featuring bestselling authors John Green (Looking For Alaska, The Fault in Our Stars) and Lois Lowry (The Giver)! Stay tuned in June for highlights from my BEA experience...

For more info: http://www.bookexpoamerica.com

Author Mindi Scott's high school time capsule

2012-03-04T19:29:00.000-05:00

In 1991, I was 14 years old and a freshman in high school. One December day, two of my friends and I decided that instead of whatever it was that we were supposed to be doing for a particular afternoon class period, we would put together “time capsules” so that in the future, we could look back and see how cool we used to be . . . or whatever.

These time capsules weren’t actual containers buried in the ground with various items from our youth. Instead, they were lists written on sheets of college-ruled notebook paper, folded four times for safe keeping. And now, approximately 20 years and three months after it was written, I dug mine out of a box from my attic. I’m going to share it with you (complete with misspellings), along with my present-day commentary. Enjoy!

Mindi Scott's Time Capsule

Dec. 6, 1991

Favorite song is: Everything I’d Do, I’d Do It For You by Bryan Adams

So, the real title is “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You,” but it was an easy mistake to make since most of the lyrics about things that he would do instead of things that he actually did do. I loved this song so desperately because what I wanted most at age 14 was for someone to have romantic feelings for me where he would “fight for [me], lie for [me], walk the wire for [me]. Yeah, [he’d] die for [me].”

I know too many songs to pick just one favorite, but the song that I find the most genuinely romantic at age 34 is “Teenage Dirtbag” by Weatus. I always get teary at the “I’ve got two tickets to Iron Maiden” part.

Favorite movie is: Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

I was obsessed with Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves for most of my freshman year. I wanted long, curly hair like Maid Marian. I wanted someone to make grand, romantic gestures for me (just like in the above Bryan Adams song from the movie soundtrack). Most of all, I wanted Will Scarlet to love me forever and ever and ever because . . .

Favorite actor is: Christian Slater

. . . Christian Slater played Will Scarlet! I was more obsessed with Christian Slater than I have been with any person, ever. I wrote in my journal endlessly about how much I respected him as an actor and how nervous it made me that he had a serious girlfriend because he needed to save himself for when I turned 18 when we could finally meet and be together forever!!!!!!!

Favorite actress is: Winona Ryder

I liked Winona Ryder for three major reasons: 1) She played the character of Charlotte Flax in Mermaids, with whom I deeply identified, 2) She played Christian Slater’s girlfriend on the movie Heathers, 3) She was Christian Slater’s girlfriend in real life for a very brief time, which showed me that he would obviously be attracted me because I kind of looked like her!

Best friends are: L, Mignonne, and H.

Of the three friends on this list, I am still acquainted with Mignonne. We’ve been friends since we were 11 years old. Even though we live far apart and see each other rarely, I know that I’ll always think of her as one of my best friends.

As for the others, H. went to a different school in 10th grade and I never heard from her again. And L., well, I really don’t know what happened there. She went to a different school in 10th grade, too, and at some point decided that she hated me. I can’t say that I didn’t deserve it, but since I don’t know exactly what caused the one-sided rift, I also can’t say that I did deserve it. Oh, well. I supposed it will always be a mystery.

Future occupation: Might be an actress and a fashion designer

I clearly had no idea what a fashion designer actually was back when I wrote this. I had neither artistic abilities nor any sense of style. I truly did want to be an actress, though. Not because I was skilled at acting (I’m fairly certain that I wasn’t), but because it was the line of work that would put me in Christian Slater’s life. I had this big plan to get the lead role opposite him in a movie after I turned 18. I’d play it super-cool and never let on that I’d loved him since I was 14. Then, after he’d fallen in love with me, I’d be like, “Surprise!”

Favorite foods are: Spaghetti and tacos

You know, this mostly holds true to this day. I had spaghetti for dinner two nights ago and tacos for dinner last night. I think my current favorite meal, though, is vegetarian soup.

Favorite pop is: Coke mixed with Cherry Coke

I don’t call soda “pop” anymore. I also don’t drink it often, because I gave up caffeine in college. I still love the taste of both Coke and Cherry Coke, but my favorite sodas are Henry Weinhard’s root beer and Sprite.

Favorite chips: Lays plain and Lays barbaque

This makes me laugh because I used to be into plain everything! (Plain bagels with plain cream cheese, etc.) The less flavor, the better, I guess. These days, my favorite brand of potato chips are Tim’s Cascade. I like most of the flavors they make, but my favorites are salt & vinegar and, yes, still barbecue.

Favorite desserts are: Cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies

Yes! I still love cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies. I also have a great fondness for fancy ice cream now, which I wasn’t as enamored with as a teen.

My favorite phrases are: “Peace y’all” and my motto: "Doowatchalike”

Someone wrote this in my yearbook in 8th grade. I thought it sounded cool, so I stole it for my time capsule and pretended it was stuff that I actually said.

Favorite words are: Groovy, raunch, and peace

I liked “groovy” because Julia Roberts said it on Pretty Woman. I occasionally do still say it. “Raunch” as an adjective and “peace,” though? No. No, I do not.

Favorite singers are: Bryan Adams, Chesney Hawk, and C&C Music Factory

Bryan Adams is a given (of course!), but I have to say: WHO IN THE WORLD IS CHESNEY HAWK? *Googles* Okay, Chesney Hawes was a guy who had a single called “The One and Only.” *Watches video on YouTube* All right. And 55 seconds into it, I do kind of recognize the chorus. Kind of.

And, oh, C&C Music Factory! “Gonna make you sweat ‘til you bleed.” I really did love that cassette tape . . . until my mom stole it from my tape deck and threw it away!

Favorite cartoons: Tiny Toon Adventures, Chilly Willy, and The Simpsons

I think I was having a moment of nostalgia when I put Chilly Willy on this list, but I did very much adore Tiny Toon Adventures and The Simpsons. And the thing is, if I’d made this list back when I was 13 instead of 14, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would have been on here because I SUPER-adored that cartoon in 8th grade.

Favorite names are: Jacqueline, Rochelle, Nicole, Christian, Nicolas, Kirsten

These were the names that I intended for my (six!) children after I’d grown up. Rochelle is my middle name, and I still like it. Nicole is my sister’s and niece’s middle name. I must still like that one, too, since it was the name I gave to the narrator for my second book, Live Through This. (In the story, everyone calls her “Coley”—which was the nickname for one of our cats growing up.)

Favorite sports are: Skiing and basketball

I’m glad that I said this because even though it isn’t so true anymore, I was into these things for a long time. Now, I ski only every couple of years and very occasionally go to the park to shoot hoops. Despite being only 5’2” for most of high school, I really was pretty good at basketball. I was a decent shot and really skilled at defense. I don’t know if I would have been good enough for Girls’ Varsity (I never tried out), but I definitely would have been good enough for JV—if our school had had such a thing.

Favorite pro teams: Portland Trailblazers and San Francisco 49ers

I stopped following pro sports the year after I made this list, and I’ve had zero interest since then. Living in the Seattle area now, I’ve been to a handful of games for the Seahawks, Sounders, Mariners, and SuperSonics (when they were still here), but I don’t follow any of the teams or watch them on TV. In fact, the only team that I follow is our local high school football team. For that, I blame the television series Friday Night Lights.

And that’s all for my time capsule! I kind of wish that we’d answered questions regarding our feelings about religion, politics, sex, and such because after I turned 15 (and took the class, Contemporary World Problems), many of my views changed radically from what they’d been at age 14. It would have been interesting to compare, I think.

Alas! My friends and I were interested in keeping a record of only the very most important things in our lives. ;-)

Mindi Scott is the author of Live Through This (Pulse/Oct 2012) and Freefall (Pulse/2010). She lives near Seattle, Washington, with her drummer husband. Please visit her online at mindiscott.com