Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Sock At A Time...

The Walking Advertisement

2012-05-23T08:31:00.000-06:00

“Mommy! Mommy, can we get this?” Natalie lugged over the bottle. “It’s Snuggle. He keeps blankets fluffy.”

I shut my eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Calm down. It was okay. I could get through grocery shopping with a five-year-old.

“We don’t need that,” I explained.

“But it’s Snug-gle.” She stretched out the name and had a whine to her voice.

Man, I missed school. And Tom. I either would grocery shop when she was at school or would leave her with Tom. Now they were both gone.

“We don’t need Snuggle. Put him back.” Great. Now I was speaking as though the dang thing were alive.

Natalie reluctantly did—then perked up and grabbed another bottle. “Oxyclean! It leaves no residue!”

She was like a walking advertisement. And I swear, she doesn’t get to watch that much TV. I mean…okay, well, she DOES have a TV in her room. And she DOES wake up in the dead of night and will usually turn it on. But in my defense, she has a fantastic imagination. It’s not all television. Most of the time she's busy playing with her Barbies.

“We don’t need Oxyclean,” I told Natalie. I flipped through my coupons. “But we do need Tide.”

“Tide Pods!” Natalie said gleefully.

“Er…regular Tide.”

“Tide Pods are new! Just throw in any wash and they dissolve even in cold water,” Natalie recited.

Oh for—

“Mommy!” Natalie shrieked.

NOW what was she going to be a walking ad for?

“Can we get this? It’s green!” Natalie hugged a Gain bottle.

I’m surprised she didn’t know THAT commercial.

“No, we’re getting Tide.”

“Aw. But it’s not GREEN!”

I so wished for a babysitting service at the commissary. She was making my head ache. It was a good thing Tommy wasn’t with us. At ten, he’s allowed to stay home alone for up to two hours per base rules. I’ve left him a couple of times and all he does is play video games.

I know all the parenting magazines suggest giving kids their own list so they can shop with you. But that just seemed like a huge pain in the butt. Couldn’t she just walk calmly and quietly beside me? (Ha, wishful thinking.)

I distracted Natalie by giving her Zoo Pals plates (“oink oink zoo pals, zoo pals makes eating..fun!” Natalie sang.)

Then it was a big production when it came time to pick out a cereal. You’d think I asked Natalie to do some important task. She stood in front of the row, tapped her chin, and was like, “What do I want?”

“Preferably something on sale,” I suggested. Why did they want nearly 4 bucks for a box of Froot Loops?

“I want…” Natalie began. “I want…”

Oh man, why couldn’t I be rich and have a nanny? Why? I wouldn’t use her ALL the time. Just for like a couple of hours a day. So I could shop in peace.

“Maybe Cheerios. But…maybe Cookie Crisp? Cocoa puffs comes with a BENDY STRAW!”

“We have bendy straws at home,” I cut in, mainly because Cocoa Puffs were also nearly 4 bucks a box. (Seriously!)

“I’ll take this,” Natalie said primly, handing me Fruity Pebbles. Not really on sale, but cheaper than the others. And it would mean I’d have to vacuum whenever she ate some because Fruity Pebbles wind up everywhere in the house. But no matter, because it meant we could LEAVE…well to the next aisle, at least.

Natalie is at least pretty good about staying by the cart. She’ll wave at other customers and go, “Hello people I don’t know.” I told her that she could just say HELLO and leave it at that.

“Who-Nu! Now delicious is nutritious too!” Natalie sang, holding up some cookies.

An elderly lady walked past and chuckled. “She knows her commercials.”

No, we didn’t buy the cookies because I heard if you eat too many, you, erm, poop a lot.

“ICE CREAM!” Natalie suddenly bellowed, because we were now in the frozen aisle.

“You can pick out Breyers. It’s on sale and I have a coupon,” I said.

Flashback to cereal aisle. Natalie stood there FOREVER. She finally went with Neapolitan because she liked how it had 3 flavors.

And then it was time to check out.

Why did it feel like I had just run a marathon by the time it was all over?

Not that I've ever RUN a marathon but I'm assuming if I ever do, I'd feel pretty much like that.

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

2012-05-22T08:31:00.000-06:00

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your blog. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either. Just make sure you link up and that the post you link up is a Hey, It's Okay Post.

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To have finally watched the movie The Decendants. It was good. I recommend it. And no, not because George Clooney is in it. He’s attractive but does nothing for me.

To love using coupons. Especially at Target. There you can use a Target coupon along with a manufacturer coupon for extra savings.

To have preferred the season finale of The Mentalist to Grey’s Anatomy. Grey’s bored me a bit after the initial death. The Mentalist kept me wondering if Patrick would finally meet Red John.

To have bought Choco Tacos. For myself. They rock. (If you’re confused, they are basically ice cream treats in the shape of a taco. Klondike makes them.)

To hope that these loud thunderstorms that go on in the dead of night stop. They wake me up and then wake Natalie up, who comes into my room all freaked out.

To want to welcome a high school friend to the blogging world. He lives in Alaska and is on the search for love. Read more here.

To really want to take my kids to see Wicked in NYC. Tommy might be like, “What’s with the girls?” but I know for sure Natalie would love it.

To probably have my blog posts come later since the kids are off at school. They'll probably be posted around 9 or 10 Oklahoma time. Unless the kids are extra noisy, in which case, later. Isn't summer break FUN?

To have a giveaway for 250 business cards here!

Last Day of School Fun

2012-05-21T08:27:00.000-06:00

So as I mentioned before, Thursday was the last day of school for both kids.

I know.

Early.

Tommy had an awards assembly so of course I was there. I knew he didn’t make Honor Roll. He had made it the first 3 Quarters but this time, writing got the best of him and he received a C. It pains me that he struggles with writing since I love it so much. His problem is he’s very abrupt with his answers. He prefers to give a yes or no response instead of explaining why he feels that way. (Really, his wife is going to have fun getting info from him. He’s also very abrupt in his verbal responses.)

Still. I knew he would be receiving other awards.

This sign greeted us as we filed in the gym.

I can’t believe that he’ll be in FIFTH GRADE. Middle school starts next year in Oklahoma. MIDDLE SCHOOL. I try not to think about it much because it tends to send me into a panic attack.

So Tommy got an award for being respectful, which I find slightly amusing because he’s not always respectful to me. I am glad he’s at least respectful to OTHER people.

Doesn’t he look thrilled?

Natalie was like, “Tommy! It’s your sister! You can have the red game when you get home!”

The red game, by the way, is MY iPod Touch that they fight over. MY iPod Touch.

Anyway, I managed to get a smile from him:

He also got a Science Club award. He might invent something cool one of these days.

Then at the end he was able to come say goodbye. Natalie wanted a hug. Tommy…well, he really did not:

“Geez Natalie, this is not the time or the place!” he grumbled.

He was extra thrilled when I hugged him.

Well, I’m sorry, but I gave him life and birthed him so therefore I get a hug whenever I damn well please.

Later on, Natalie had her last day of school. They brought in bouncy houses and the like for the kids. I had to stay with her for safety reasons. I didn’t mind—although, okay, I sort of DID mind because it was my last day of freedom. But oh well. She had fun.

That’s her talking with the boy she always played Rapunzel with at school. She apparently loves him.

No, really.

After she said goodbye to her teachers—who both said they were sad to see her go—she said, “Who am I going to love now?”

“Uh? You’ll find someone in Kindergarten I’m sure,” I promised.

What’s this LOVE business? She’s five.

“It won’t be the same,” Natalie sniffled.

I’m still trying to wrap my brain around that fact that she’ll be in KINDERGARTEN all day. ALL DAY. It’s going to be weird. And, okay, slightly blissful.

So yeah. School is done until August 17th.

Is it wrong that I’m already counting down the days until they go back?

PrintRunner Business Card Giveaway!

2012-05-20T15:23:00.001-06:00

So let’s say you’re at one of those awesome bloggy conferences and you meet an important person who likes your blog and wants you to host a giveaway for a fabulous product. You want to stay in contact but ack—it’s time to go in for the conference so there’s no time exchange info into phones.

Luckily, you have a business card to hand over with all your information on it.

Don’t have any business cards?

Well, you’re in a luck.

A wonderful company called PrintRunner contacted me asking if I would be willing to host a giveaway for business cards.

PrintRunner is a fabulous site that does all sorts of printing services. From bumper stickers, to online business cards printing, to magnets, they seem to do it all. Here’s more info about the company that was sent to me:

PrintRunner.com was established with little more than a small press and a dream. Ten years later our company became one of the foremost quality printers in Southern California. Our commitment to provide the best value and high quality full color printing at affordable price made our company grow. PrintRunner is a full service high quality printing company located in Chatsworth, California.

I love hearing about companies like that.

A lucky reader will win 250 business cards!

More info:

Size: 2X3.5 (Standard)
Quantity: 250
Colors: 4/4 Color Both Sides
Paper: 14 pt. UV Coating on Front, 14 pt. UV Coating on both sides
Proof: None
Rounded Corners: No
Ready to ship in: 3 business days

Giveaway Rules:

--Must be 18 or older

--Must live in the US

Mandatory Entry: Go to printrunner.com and tell me something you like on the site aside from the business cards.

Extra Entries:

--Like PrintRunner on Facebook

--Follow PrintRunner on Twitter

--Tweet about this giveaway

--Blog about this giveaway

For each thing you do, please leave a separate comment.

Contest will run until Sunday, May 27th.

Good luck!

And if you can’t wait to see if you won, PrintRunner is having several sales on their site. You can save up to 40% on certain products!

I was not paid for this post. I was given a set of business cards. All opinions are my own. Thank you printrunner for providing this giveaway.

My Dear Letters

2012-05-18T08:08:00.000-06:00

These are letters I wish I could send.

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Dear People Who Complain That Others Spoiled The Ending Of A Show,

It’s season finale time. People are going to want to talk about what they’ve just seen. Sometimes Yahoo even has winners or plot lines on their front page. If you don’t want to know, STAY OFFLINE until after you’ve seen the program. I’ve said this before and I’m sure I’ll have to say it again and again.

Signed,
A-Hates-being-chastised-for-writing-stuff-on-MY-wall,
Amber

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Dear People Who Don’t Get Their Vehicle Tags Renewed,

Okay, if I can remember to do it when my husband was in Korea for BOTH cars, so can you. The payment might suck but pay attention to when the tags expire and make sure you start saving around that time. My husband pulls people over all the time for expired plate and he usually gets the “I forgot” excuse. It bugs him. A lot.

Signed,
A-Just-something-everyone-has-to-do,
Amber

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Dear Natalie,

You look adorable in your ballet photo but what were you doing with your hands?

Signed,
A-She-just-wasn’t-sure-what-to-do-with-them,
Amber

---------

Dear Tommy,

It’s actually my iPod Touch so when I want it back I can have it back without any reason.

Signed,
A-Start-Saving-Now-If-You-Want-Your-Own,
Amber

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Dear Grey’s Anatomy,

Well, I admit it, you surprised me. I didn’t think the person who died would die. And it’s nice to see that Meredith Grey is not an attractive crier. I’m the same way.

Signed,
An-Anyone-Else-In-The-Ugly-Crier-Group,
Amber

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: School Ending Today

2012-05-17T06:56:00.002-06:00

School ends for both kids today.

And yes, I love them to bits, but I’m going to miss my quiet time. In Wyoming, school didn’t get out until June. I liked that. Some parents don’t want to spend any time apart from their offspring. I am not one of these people. I was an only child, therefore I grew up enjoying the silence.

Some people might be like, “Why have kids if you think they are too noisy?” My answer is, I love having them around, but as I said before, I need to have time for myself or else I turn into a Mean Mom.

Am I looking forward to summer? Sort of. Tom will be gone so it’ll just be the kids and I. The kids don’t take me as seriously. Well, NATALIE doesn’t take me as seriously. For instance, I’ll take them to the park. I’ll warn them that they have 5 minutes left. Then I’ll say it’s time to go. Natalie either will refuse to go or will take baby steps to the car.

“Tell her to stop that!” is what I’m told to do.

Really? I did NOT think of that.

She’s stubborn. So what I have to do is pick her up and she usually kicks and screams. Or she’ll go limp, which means her 36 lb frame suddenly feels like 60 lbs.

Does she do that when Tom is here? Nope. She immediately says, “Yes, Daddy.”

And let’s not even mention the fighting between the kids.

So yes. I am dreading the fact that they are out of school today.

Wish me luck.

The Head Bump

2012-05-16T07:00:00.000-06:00

Reason 138942 why letting your kids run around is not always a good idea.

Yeah.

This happened when we were waiting at PreK for her teacher. One minute she was racing around playing (you guessed it) Rapunzel, the next she went face first onto the concrete.

Natalie is my accident prone child. She’s been in the ER three times. First, for a cyst on her leg. Then, for a cut on her side that needed that special glue to close. Finally, a hole in her head.

Now this.

On the plus, at least there wasn’t a hole.

On the negative…what if she got a concussion? I wondered if I should take her to an ER to get it checked out.

“Mommy. I want to run,” Natalie sniffled.

Uh? What?

That’s when I figured she’d be okay. Still, she got an ice pack from the nurse and her teachers assured me they’d call if she was acting funny.

When I picked her up, the teacher said she was fine, she behaved normally in school. No issues. But I was still worried about a concussion. I’ve seen Grey’s Anatomy, head injuries can suddenly act up at ANY TIME! On the drive home I kept asking Natalie how she was feeling.

“Fine. Ugh!” she huffed.

Then she started to meow. For no reason. I immediately panicked. CONCUSSION! This wasn’t normal!

“Darling?” I asked nervously. “Why are you meowing? Is your vision okay? CAN YOU SEE ME?”

“MEEEOOWW,” Natalie answered.

Oh my God. Something was wrong. Her speech was gone. She’d have to have an operation and—

“I’m being a CAT, Mommy,” Natalie said as though I were a moron.

Of course.

Still..

“How old are you?” I pressed.

“Five!”

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Purple today. Green yesterday.”

As soon as we got home I was like, “Put your backpack by that wall, put your shoes over there, and touch your nose.” Just to make sure she could still follow basic instructions.

“You’re weird,” Natalie muttered, but did as I asked.

I knelt down to her level to make sure her pupils looked normal.

“Is everything okay?” I wondered.

“Yes!” Natalie promised.

She played like she usually did. She went to ballet and did fine. Then we came home and she suddenly started crying.

SOMETHING WAS WRONG!

“Is it your head? What’s the matter? CAN YOU SEE ME?” I asked, rushing over to Natalie. I was prepared to scoop her up and race her to the ER.

Natalie hung her head. “Rapunzel would have never done this.” She pointed to her head.

I was speechless for a few seconds. “Well, I mean, I’m sure she went through her own injuries,” I explained.

“I want Rapunzel to like me,” Natalie sniffled. We’re going to Disney next year. She’s been obsessed with meeting Rapunzel ever since she found out.

“She’ll love you,” I assured her. “You’re a great kid who just happens to get hurt a lot. But that’s okay. It means you’re adventurous. Rapunzel loves that.”

Natalie sighed. “I hope so.”

So thankfully, her head was okay. But really, this kid seems to get hurt every week!

Do you have an accident prone child?

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

2012-05-15T06:51:00.000-06:00

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your blog. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either. Just make sure you link up and that the post you link up is a Hey, It's Okay Post.

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To think that Undercover Boss must be staged at this point. If cameras suddenly come into your work, wouldn’t you suspect?

To wonder if people still use MySpace.

To have been shocked at the ending of Grey’s Anatomy last week. The season finale should be interesting.

To have been pleased with the winner of Survivor. And to still think Colton is an asshole. And I hope Alicia lost her job as a special education teacher.

To want to try Wendys new sweet potato. They also have chili cheese fries. Mmm..

To have started reading Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s interesting but it’s made my eyes bug out a few times. I am so not a prude but holy crap.

To have been bored with the very last episode of Desperate Housewives.

To miss Tom a lot but at least it means I get to eat dinners he doesn’t like. I had pot roast the other day. I still don’t get how he doesn’t like pot roast.

To probably watch too much television as half my hey it’s okay posts are about something I’ve seen on TV!

Cotton on Mother's Day

2012-05-14T06:56:00.000-06:00

That would be cotton. All over my bedroom floor.

On Mother’s Day, no less.

I heard the kids playing upstairs and should have known they were into something. But I was enjoying watching the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Orange Country (ew, Slade and Brooks creep me out) and dammit, it was MOTHER’S DAY so I was going to rest.

After the show I figured I better check on the kids because hello, leaving young children alone usually=mess/trouble/injury/etc..

That’s when I found the cotton.

The trail didn’t end in my room. Now it went down the hall around the kid’s rooms.

And ended in Natalie’s room. Notice the pile of cotton.

“Natalie!” I shouted.

She was in Tommy’s room and popped her head out. “Yup?” All innocent-like, as though she didn’t just make a cotton mess.

(But seriously, who leaves cotton residue everywhere??!)

“What is the cotton doing out?” I demanded.

Natalie blinked at me. “I was building a cloud.” She seemed confused as to why I would even mind.

“That’s great but next time ask me. You made a mess. Cotton is EXPENSIVE!” I lied. Okay, so it’s like 50 cents a bag. But still.

“I was making a CLOUD,” Natalie repeated, as though I didn’t get it the first time.

“Next time ASK!” I countered.

So yeah, I cleaned that up. Hid the cotton. Watched more mindless television.

It was a pretty low key Mother’s Day since Tom was gone. The kids did wish me a Happy Mother’s Day.

And Tom had a surprise for me:

Before he left, he must’ve set up a flower delivery for Mother’s Day.

I love them.

What Do You Want For Mother's Day?

2012-05-11T06:52:00.000-06:00

So Mother’s Day is Sunday. (Cue panic for those who forgot. Send an e-card!) Tom isn’t here so we won’t be doing much. Still, I decided to make a list on what I hoped would happen to make Mother’s Day nice.

--Not having to deal with anyone’s poop. Yes, I still wipe Natalie’s butt. She wants to do it herself but she, erm, misses. And then I’m left with stained underwear. I refuse to keep stained underwear so into the trash it goes. Then I have to buy new underwear. So yes, I wipe her ass. She does the bend over bit well. (“Touch your toes!”) I also have to deal with the cat box. And reminding my son to SPRAY THE AIR FRESHENER when he’s taken a dump because holy crap (teehee!) he can clear out a room. So on Sunday, please, let me not have to deal with any type of feces.

--For my kids not to fight over ridiculous things like grass. No, seriously. They fought over GRASS before. Someone had tracked some into the carpet so I asked them to pick it up. Tommy said it was Natalie. Natalie said it was Tommy. It went on and on. OVER GRASS!

--No cooking. I’ll probably order pizza. I shouldn’t have to cook on Mother’s Day. It’s against the law or something.

--To not have to fold any laundry. It seems to be never ending. I’ll think I’m all caught up and them BAM. Wad of dirty clothes in the corner of their rooms.

--No Yo Gabba Gabba! Or Dora the Explorer. Or iCarly. I get some parents think these shows are cute. I do not. Dora repeats herself like a billion times and it’s like, “Dora, okay, stop talking about the stupid bridge and JUST GO OVER IT ALREADY!”

--To not have to clean up messes like these:

What do you want for Mother’s Day?

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: Car Dings

2012-05-10T07:00:00.000-06:00

My poor car.

I found this on the side not to long ago.

I usually park my car on the side street. The ding is the side that’s facing the street. Kids play in the street. From hockey, to bike riders, to skateboarders….I have a sick feeling that one of them did this.

My vent?

Why didn’t someone step forward and admit their mistake?

True, it could have happened from a cart at a store. But I would have noticed that.

It just drives me insane when people don’t do the right thing. How hard is it to apologize? If I hit someone’s car, I’d SAY something.

So the point is, do the right thing. Teach your kids to do the right thing.

And let me tell you, if something like this ever happens to my husband’s truck? Heaven help the neighborhood…

What She'll Be

2012-05-09T06:53:00.000-06:00

It was cold tea.

Thank goodness it was cold and not hot.

I’m not sure if I could deal with hot tea on such a sweltering day. It was in the high 80s and my jeans were already starting to stick to my legs. Really, I should have worn shorts. But I hadn’t shaved in a couple of days and I could just SEE a preschooler running up to me, pointing, and saying, “What’s growing on your knees?”

I was at my daughter’s tea party at school. Before the tea, the teacher called on them one by one and they announced what they wanted to be when they grew up. One little boy said he wanted to be a Daddy. Heart. Melting.

Then it got to Natalie. I should have known what Natalie wanted to be.

Yup. (Oh, and that green blob is Pascal. I asked. She was offended that I even had to ask. “It’s PAS-CAL!” she breathed. I was half surprised she didn’t add, “Duh.”)

She truly believes she’s going to be Rapunzel when she’s older. It’s why I’m not allowed to cut her hair. Ever. She’s never had a hair cut. If I say I want to get the ends neatened up she’ll clamp her hands over her head and start to cry. “You can’t! It’s magic! YOU’LL RUIN IT!”

It’s still cute though. At least she didn’t say she wanted to be an inanimate object like a shovel or a bucket.

Then it came time for the (cold!) tea. Hot tea probably wouldn’t have been a good mix with a bunch of four and five years olds anyway. Someone would inevitably spill, cry, and possibly throw something.

And the tea was SWEET tea. Even better. I love sweet tea.

So does Natalie:

I can’t wait to show Natalie her Rapunzel picture when she’s older. I’ll be like, “Remember when you were going to be Rapunzel when you grew up?...”

And then she’ll probably go, “I was FIVE when I drew that. Duh.”

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

2012-05-08T06:51:00.000-06:00

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your blog. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either. Just make sure you link up and that the post you link up is a Hey, It's Okay Post.

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To have loved the outcome of last week’s Survivor. I won’t give away what happened in case you haven’t caught up, but it was awesome.

To be in awe of all the things people can make over on Pinterest and Etsy.

To love having cake for breakfast. I mean, you have all day to work it off. Makes sense to me.

To want to take Tommy to see The Avengers. I signed Natalie up for Princess camp (it’s only 2 days) and I’m hoping one of those days we can go.

To be happy with the winners of The Amazing Race. I did not want Brendon and Rachel to win.

To enjoy cheese slices dipped in salsa for a snack.

To think that the mom obsessed with tanning needs help. Apparently she’s only 34 and she looks 60.

To be looking forward to the premiere of Sister Wives on Sunday. Yes, Mother’s Day. But hey, they are all mothers…

To love the movie Bridesmaids. I found this floating around Facebook. It cracked me up.

Angry Birds Cake!

2012-05-07T06:52:00.000-06:00

Well, Tom left for training.

Before he left, we celebrated his birthday since he’d be gone on his real one.

I picked up some balloons:

And a cake:

No way I could make a cake like that. My cakes are usually from a box with frosting from a can. This one had FONDANT on it. I’ve never had a cake with fondant. I like it, but I think I prefer good old fashioned buttercream frosting. (And yes, the cake IS sitting on Pizza Hut boxes. That's what Tom wanted for dinner. Fine by me, because it means no dishes!)

He got some presents:

At one point Natalie was like, “Maybe you’ll get a doll, Daddy!”

Uh.

No doll.

But he did get the Rambo knife he’s been wanting.

No, I’m serious. He wanted a Rambo knife. From Rambo 2. I guess it comes with a flint and a compass…all I’m saying is, the next time he makes fun of me for gushing about Lost, I’m going to be like, “At least I don’t have a LOST knife..”

He said he had a good day. He’s one of those people who don’t make a big deal about his birthday.

He’s crazy.

While I don’t like getting older, one of the perks for birthdays is CAKE.

So happy birthday to Tom!

New Year's Eve DVD Winner!

2012-05-06T14:44:00.000-06:00

I did a giveaway for a copy of the New Year’s Eve DVD here.

I used random.org to pick a number and it chose…

…number 15 which is Annie!

Congrats!

If you didn’t win, try again in the future. I’ll have more giveaways!

Pictures with Tommy

2012-05-04T07:02:00.000-06:00

"Come on, Tommy, let’s take some pictures,” I urged.

“I’m too old for pictures.”

“What? You’re ten! Don’t you know I’ll be taking pictures of you for the rest of your life?”

“You’ll be dead before me so that’s not possible.”

????????

“Well. My point is I’m taking pictures of you. So let’s go.”

“Tommy. Smile!”

“That’s not a smile! You need a haircut.”

“No! I like my hair long. I’m growing it long like Spencer in iCarly.”

??????????

“Just look happy, Tommy.”

“That’s better! Now can you—”

“Mom! I don’t want to alarm you but there is a spider next to us!”

Neither of us likes spiders. His father doesn’t like spiders either. So when one gets in the house, we’re arguing who gets to deal with it.

“The man deals with it!” I always insist. “You all act big and strong, surely you can deal with a spider!”

Tom’s like, “Eff that, I hate spiders.”

Then I say, “Okay, so you’ll give up your LIFE for your country but you can’t deal with a spider?”

“Pretty much. Yes.”

So yeah. It was no surprise that Tommy wasn’t thrilled to be near a spider.

We moved away from the spider.

Tommy was much happier.

And to get him to smile, all we had to do was discuss farts.

Then he did a random dance:

I have no idea what he’s doing here.

Ten-year-olds are weird.

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: Weird Celeb Baby Names

2012-05-03T06:53:00.000-06:00

Did you hear?

Jessica Simpson finally had her baby. She named it Maxwell Drew.

No, she did not have a boy.

She had a girl.

Now, as far as celebrity names go, it isn’t too horrible. Would I name my daughter that? No. But she grew the kid for 500 months, therefore it’s her right to choose.

She plans on calling the baby Maxi. I’m sure we’re all thinking of the feminine product now, right?

But again. If that’s what she wants to call her kid, by all means.

As far weird names go, Maxwell is pretty tame compared to what other celebs have named their children.

Pilot Inspektor anyone?

Or….someone named their kid Tabooger. TABOOGER? (Seriously. Dan Cortese and Dee Dee Hemby actually choose that moniker.)

Nicolas Cage must’ve took out his rage on having movie after movie of his bomb so he named his son Kal-el.

And somewhere out there, a child is walking around with the name Moxie CrimeFighter.

Now.

As I said up there, everyone has a right to name their kid what they want. But why? Is there some secret celeb child society where, if you want your baby to be well liked and accepted, the number one rule is that it MUST be named something bizarre?

I prefer the celebs who refuse to follow this rule and call their children something, well, normal.

Think about it. All the actors that are out there now all have basically normal names. Ryan. Brad. Angie. Chris.

When the next generation comes through we’re going to get the weirdo names.

The New Spiderman…starring Bahoohoo Jones!

A remake of The Wizard of Oz…starring Apple Orange!

An all new Batman…starring Bee Buzz!

Lucky us, huh?

Addicted to Thumb

2012-05-02T06:54:00.000-06:00

Remember how I wrote that Natalie had to stop sucking her thumb or else the dentist was going to put something on her teeth to ensure that she doesn’t?

Well.

This is how that’s going:

Yeah.

Her next appointment is in September so we still have time. However, this child is so incredibly stubborn. I explain that sucking her thumb messes up her teeth. She doesn’t care. I explain that she’s too old to suck her thumb. SHE DOESN’T CARE.

“I love my thumb!” she’ll wail. “I LOVE MY THUMB!”

She reminds me of those people on that Intervention show on A&E who freak out when others point out their flaws.

“You don’t need your thumb anymore,” I’ll say gently.

“YES I DO! I NEED IT! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!”

You see? Just like those people on Intervention.

“I understand that you love your thumb but it’s destructive behavior,” I said. Well, okay, so it’s not DESTRUCTIVE behavior but whatever. Then again, in a way it is, because if she jacks up her teeth, guess who has to PAY for them?

“I asflkjdfa,” Natalie answered. All garbled because her THUMB WAS IN HER MOUTH!

“Think of all the germs that must be on that thumb. Do you want to get sick?” I tried another tactic.

“Yup,” Natalie answered from the side of her mouth.

“You start Kindergarten soon. Kindergarteners don’t suck their thumbs anymore,” I said.

Natalie suddenly leapt of the couch. “You,” she said, popping her thumb on the mouth. “ARE MEAN!”

I’m mean? I’M MEAN? HOW AM I MEAN? I can start being mean. I’ll get the stuff that I can put on the thumb that makes it taste like crap. In fact, that’ll probably be my next step. I’ve tried reasoning with her and I just get yelled at.

So, let’s move on to the Icky Thumb Stuff and see how mean she thinks I am then.

(I’m a little scared. Not going to lie.)

(Yes, I’ll blog about it.)

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

2012-05-01T06:53:00.001-06:00

And He's Leaving. Again.

2012-04-30T06:08:00.000-06:00

I knew it was probably bad news when Tom texted me asking if I was home because we needed to talk.

I immediately thought of a deployment. I even texted back and asked if he was deploying.

“We’ll talk soon,” is all he replied.

Crap.

Crappity, crappity, crappity, crap.

I knew he’d probably be deploying soon. After all, he was next on the list. I just hoped…well…I just hoped that maybe it would be awhile.

When Tom came home his face was grim.

“Where and when?” I sighed. A part of me was hoping a grin would suddenly form on his face and he’d shout, “Fooled ya!” (Had he done that he’d have gotten my a purse thrown at his head. And it would have hurt because I have all sorts of crap in there.)

But no. It was not a joke. He let me know where (I cannot specify due to OPSEC) and when.

Basically, all I can say is he’ll be gone most of May for training, then back for most of June and then he’s gone for six months.

It sucks.

It seems like he just got back from his year long stint in Korea. But no, really, he’s been back since August. It was only a matter of time before he had to go again. Such is the life in the military. There are people who have it worse…some are gone for a year and a half at a time. Every couple of months. But I do want to point out that even though my husband is Air Force, it doesn’t mean he has it easy. He’s not one of those people who sit behind a desk or get bronze stars for doing their job in finance. He’s a K9 handler so he’s out with his dog.

This means he won’t be here for any holidays. No Halloween. No Thanksgiving. No Christmas.

On the plus, my parents live only 7 hours away so if I need anything, they can be here.

I also have friends.

So we’ll be okay. We can do this.

If I can get through a year then surely I’ll be fine with six months.

New Year's Eve DVD Giveaway**CLOSED

2012-04-28T12:56:00.001-06:00

**CLOSED--Winner posted here!**

So, it’s April. Nearly May. How are you doing on those New Year’s resolutions? Are you keeping them?

Why am I talking about New Year’s resolutions?

Well, because I have an awesome widget where you can check and see how you are doing with yours.

I don’t really make resolutions since I know I probably won’t keep them.

With the widget you can also take a quiz and find out if you’re a Resolution Renegade. (Sounds like the name of a band..)

You’ll also find tips on how to keep your resolutions going.

And bonus? Since we’re talking about New Year’s resolutions, Partners Hub has graciously said they’d send a lucky reader a copy of the new movie New Year’s Eve.

This movie is full of movie stars. From Sarah Jessica Parker, to Zac Efron, to Ashton Kutcher, this movie is sure to amuse everyone. Watch as a variety of people figure out how to celebrate New Years.

Giveaway Rules

--Must be 18 or older

--Must live in the US

Mandatory Entry: What was your New Year’s resolution? Have you kept it?

Extra Entries:

--Take the quiz on the widget and tell me your results

--Follow PartnersHub on Twitter

--Tweet about this giveaway with the hastag #ResolutionReset and talk about how you’re working to keep your resolution!

For each thing you do, leave a separate comment.

I will pick a winner on May 6th!

Good luck!

Seeing Titanic: Then and Now

2012-04-27T06:54:00.001-06:00

So I got to see Titanic 3D in an IMAX theater with my friend Angie.

When it first came out I was in high school and dragged my then boyfriend to see it like five times. (I still feel bad about that. I practically took an entire DAY of his life seeing as the movie is 3 hours long..)

Seeing Titanic in 3D was amazing. You could see more details in the movie such as on the ship, the clothing…and yes, even Kate Winslet’s boob, which I could have done without but still, as far as boobs go she has nice ones.

Anyway, I noticed there is a difference in how I saw the movie in high school and how I saw it to this day.

For starters.

Photo Credit

Most people know this scene. The flying scene. Leo tells her to close her eyes, step up, and trust him.

I’m sorry but no. I wouldn’t have. She had known him for a DAY at that point and he’s asking her to step up on the ledge of a ship where she could go tumbling to her death? No. I’d be like, “I’ll step up but my eyes are staying open.” (And yes, I know he saved her from jumping to her death but still…one never knows…)

And back in high school, I cried when Leo died:

I was like, “Leo noooooooo!”

Did I cry this time?

Not at that part.

No, because I’m a mother now, I cried over the thought of children dying. I cried when the Irish mother was telling her kids a story in their beds as the ship sank because she knew they wouldn’t get out. I cried when Cal picked up that little girl who was sobbing and used her to get on a lifeboat and then tossed her aside when the lifeboat wasn’t working.

Leo—well, Jack—was a grown man who had traveled so he lived a life.

The kids did not.

And also, I had other questions that I didn’t have when I saw it in high school. Such as, when Rose dies at the end, wouldn’t her husband be upset that instead of meeting HIM when she passes that she goes to Jack instead? I’d be all, “Um, pardon ME?” Yes, I know she was joining all the people who had died on the Titanic, but still.

Rose was also an actress so wouldn’t you think a family member would have recognized her and been like, “She’s alive!”

Why didn’t Jack and Rose try harder to share the door like depicted here:

Photo Credit: Floating All Over Facebook

So yeah. It’s still a good movie, but I’m older and my mind wanders more.

(And who else would have died when the ship went down? You know, the scene where Rose and Jack are hanging onto the back of the ship and Jack tells her to hold her breath and kick? Yeah, I tested that. I’d have so drowned..)

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: Tiny Food

2012-04-26T07:00:00.000-06:00

I mean…

I get that companies have to enlarge things to show detail.

In fact, if you look close enough you’ll usually see this on the boxes: *product enlarged to show detail.

Which is fine.

But.

I hate when things are different in reality. Especially my treats. Not that I expect 100 calorie snacks to be huge because then, hello, then they wouldn’t be 100 calories a bag.

Still.

Does anyone else have issues only eating ONE 100 calorie bag? I usually wind up eating 2, which sort of defeats the purpose.

I think I just like to eat too much.

I’m off to have an itty bitty snack. (Probably two bags of 'em..)

When One Cannot Do Kid Hair

2012-04-25T07:00:00.000-06:00

“Makeup optional…”

That’s what it said on the paper I got about Natalie’s ballet photos.

And it specified to do hair nicely.

Nicely? I could barely do my own hair nicely, let alone my five-year-old's.

I’m always jealous of the mothers who can do hair neatly. French braids, pig tails, Katniss-style hair—whatever the request, they can do it.

Me?

Well, when my daughter has pig tails, they are never right down the center of her head. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. But the part always looks off and one pigtail is up and the other is down.

When she goes to ballet, I do an easy bun. Meaning I put her hair in a ponytail and simply don’t pull the entire thing through the band. So it’s sort of like a bun. And since she’s in beginning ballet, they don’t care.

But now. Now it was picture time.

Natalie was thrilled. It meant she got to wear her recital costume. The one I paid $65 for. I’m sorry, it’s so not worth $65. I could have bought an adorable Janie and Jack outfit for $65, complete with all the accessories.

The costume came with a hair thingy. I didn’t know where the hair thingy went on her hair. It didn’t specify.

For the makeup, I went with lip gloss and light eyeshadow. After all, this wasn’t an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras. Some people might think it’s okay to cake makeup on their daughters, I am not one of them.

In the end, she looked like this:

I used hairspray to keep her hair down.

And I would later find out that her bow DID NOT go there. It clipped near the back against her bow.

Oh.

Most people would have known that.

Some kids did have a lot of makeup on. Natalie sort of sighed when she pointed out a little girl who had Kardashian-esque type makeup on.

“She has darker lipstick!” Natalie whispered.

“She can’t be older than ten. I don’t agree with it,” I explained.

“I have NO lipstick,” Natalie fumed.

“You have enough.”

I’m not sure how she did with pictures. The parents were not allowed in that room. They grabbed the kids and then returned them twenty minutes later.

“Did you smile?” I asked Natalie.

“Sort of,” she replied.

I’ll find out in three weeks how she did.

For professional photos she usually comes across looking constipated.

It’s because the photographers don’t realize that they have to run into the wall to get her to laugh.

Like I do.

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

2012-04-24T06:47:00.000-06:00

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your blog. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either. Just make sure you link up and that the post you link up is a Hey, It's Okay Post.

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To wonder how in Army Wives that Trevor went from enlisted to Officer. Did I miss an episode? Or is the Army like that?

To like the show Game of Thrones. Tom and I started watching it on Netflix and we really enjoy it. Granted, there are some scenes that make you go ! but still entertaining.

To hate the cranky bagger ladies at the commissary on base. (There are some nice ones but I tend to see a lot of the moody ones..)

To have found an Angry Bird toy with bunny ears buried under a bunch of t-shirts at Kohls the other day. And yes, bought it because an Angry Bird with bunny ears cracked me up.

To like the Baked Apple Pie scent from Scentsy. Makes the house smell delicious.

To wish I hadn’t told Natalie we were going to Disney World next June because every day she’s like, “Is Disney open yet?” (To quiet her I lied and said they shut the place down to clean it for our arrival..)

To still hate when cars come to a complete stop before turning. Stop it!

To like the new show Don't Trust the B- In Apt 23. James Van Der Beek plays himself so there are lots of Dawson references.