Lots of people say that they feel better after a good talk, or as a result of venting and processing what is on their mind. Others often say that they feel unheard or not listened to, or what they say does not seem important to those close to them…

Many relationship expert that I have encountered state that a bedrock and foundation of a healthy relationship is one whereby each person in the relationship feels as if they are heard and listened to by their partner.

So with this final blog entry in this recent series of techniques using hypnosis to advance our relationships, you learn how to listen really effectively to advance your relationships.

Regarding the word ‘partner’ – some people have issues with this word; this could be your spouse, your boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever term you prefer to use, but let the word partner represent whoever you are in your personal relationship with currently rather than get bogged down with the right word.

Eight Steps To Listen With Hypnotic Attentiveness And Genuine Interest:

Step One: Induce hypnosis. You can do so by any means you desire or know of. You can use the process in my self-hypnosis book, use the free audio at this website to practice or have a look at the following articles as and when you need them; they are basic processes to help you simply open the door of your mind:

Using eye fixation for self-hypnosis.

The Betty Erickson Self-Hypnosis Method video clip.

Using Magnetic Hands for Self-Hypnosis.

Once you have induced hypnosis, move on to step two.

Step Two: Imagine that person that you are in a relationship with, in a typical situation of your life. See him or her there in front of you. Notice what they are wearing, how they are positioned, be aware of the expression on his/her face, and really pay attention to how they are in this moment.

Tell yourself that as you focus and engage your imagination this way, you go deeper inside your mind and that you relax physically more and more.

Engage with the environment you are both in too. Note the colours and sights of this place. Notice the dimensions of the space you are in, how the shadows and light alter in different parts of it. Hear the sounds of this place, sounds of people and also the sounds of you, your thoughts, feelings and sensations.

Once you have created this scene and truly engaged your imagination allowing yourself to go deeper inside your mind, then move on to the next step.

Step Three: You now go quiet inside your mind… You can do this in all manner of different ways.

Imagine that you have a volume control for your internal dialogue and imagine that you turn the volume down. Take your time doing this and just turn it all down so that you go quiet inside your mind.

You could just say inside your mind the word “ssssshhhhhh” in a hushed, gentle tone to yourself and notice how things go quiet in your head.

You could imagine a low, gentle tone in your mind that you can focus on first of all, then let it get quieter as your mind hushes.

A great technique I learnt from Eric Robbie was to actually hold your tongue still with your fingers, and the micro movements that usually accompany your internal dialogue stop to help your dialogue stop. I don’t recommend doing that in a self-hypnosis session. Therefore, you can imagine your tongue being firmly grasped and held still.

Another similar technique is to imagine holding a drop of oil on the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth and keeping the tongue still, the mind focused and in turn quiets the mind.

Take your time and get your mind to be as quiet as you can. Do remember that some people dedicate their entire lives to peace of mind and getting their inner voice to be quiet, so you do not have to create utter silence; that may be unrealistic.  So go as quiet as you can inside your mind.

The reason for doing this is that it is going to enable you to focus on the other person’s communication with less distraction and more focus. Whenever you feel that you have adequately hushed your mind, then move on to the next step.

Step Four: Engage with the space you imagined in step two again, and look at your partner. Watch with interest, watch actively as your partner now communicates with you.

Listen with intent and interest.  Listen actively.

Note the words that are being spoken and let the words register with you, let them be heard firstly, and then ensure you understand them, ensure they register with you. You might imagine the words reaching your ears and your ears accepting those sounds, those words, those ideas and taking them inside for them to resonate with you and your brain – making sure they are heard, actively understood and enjoyed.

Notice that you do enjoy listening in this way. It makes you feel good to listen and pay attention. When you know that you are fully paying attention and actively listening to what your partner is saying, then move on to the next step.

Step Five: As you listen more and learn more, notice how the sound travels through you,  how the words connect with you. Within the self-hypnosis session, maybe imagine the symbolic words reaching you, resonating within you and being received in such a way that feels good.

You notice how the words being spoken travel through your ears and connect with your brain, ensuring those words get remembered well, and that they are easier to recall with more and more accuracy.

Also notice how the words connects with your mind and your ‘gut’, so you feel better and better and enjoy listening more. Perhaps you can imagine the words having an uplifting and enjoyable, pleasant effect upon your feelings, with a tangible sensation that accompanies them.

Enjoy the sensation that spreads across your brain, and that spreads through your tummy and into every cell of your being that grows as each word registers, giving you enjoyable and pleasant sensations as a result of paying attention and listening so actively and attentively.

When the words have stopped and your partner has finished speaking, move on to the next step.

Step Six: Now watch how the bond between you both develops – maybe you can imagine a light, or a sense of some kind or something that connects the two of you, that represents the bond you share – noticing it strengthening and becoming better developed. Use your imagination in whatever way is best for you and really notice a metaphorical and advanced bond developing as a result of your listening.

Notice how that person is smiling in some way, almost as if the smile is coming from a deeper place within them and you can sense that your relationship is enhancing and advancing as a result of you listening so well.

Take all the time necessary for you to see in metaphoric terms in your imagination that your listening has truly made a positive difference to your relationship.

Then when you are sure of that, move on to the next step.

Step Seven: Start to tell yourself that this happens more and more in real-life. That it happens outside of your hypnosis sessions.

Each time you engage in conversation or are in the same space as your partner (or spouse or whatever term you prefer) that you innately know when to listen with this depth of interest, and you know to pay attention and engage and you also notice the way it enhances your relationship.

Think about some times that are coming up, times that you know you’ll be with your partner, and you’ll be listening in this new way, making sure that you are enhancing and developing your relationship. Perhaps even mentally rehearse how that is going to go, and how that happens in the future.

Once you have thought about those upcoming occasions, then you can move on to the next and final step.

Step Eight: Exit hypnosis. Take a couple of deeper, energising breaths, wiggle your fingers and toes, count yourself up and out from 1 to 5 and open your eyes.

Go and place yourself in those situations and start to actively listen and notice how enjoyable it is, notice how your bond develops and the relationship is enhanced.

I hope you have enjoyed this mini-series of processes to help your relationships. I shall be back and onto another theme soon.

Last weekend, Katie and I were dog-sitting for a family pet; Mick the dog. Here he is, whilst I was walking him in the local woods; a very good looking, incredibly well-behaved 10 year old Border Collie:

Katie and I took him out for a couple of very long walks over to Hengistbury Head too, we went through the wooded area, up to the top of Hengistbury head, back down the other side onto the pebble beach and all the way back along the beach.

It was at this beach, that mick decided to initiate the stick throwing and fetching game. He found a stick, a piece of driftwood that he took to. He would trot in front of me, turn back, look at me and plop it on the floor. Then he’d take a couple of steps backwards whilst looking at me, crouching and ready… I would then pick up the soggy, chewed, dribble and sand covered stick and launch it as far as I could and he’d run off to fetch it, bring it back and we’d start all over again. Here I am throwing the stick during one such round of this game:

And here he is again, off in the distance fetching the stick:

This went on seemingly tirelessly, though he slept incredibly well in the evenings, I must say. For his early morning and late evening ablution walks around the nearby woods, we’d do a similar game with his ball (which thankfully has a ball throwing gizmo meaning I do not have to pick up his ball with my hands, it is constantly wet and chewed and a worryingly brown colour) and it’d help wear him out some more.

I say all this, like it all went smoothly and simply.

However, all was not as plain as it seems from my initial write-up. Oh no.

Every now and then, Mick did not want to fetch what you’d thrown for him; one evening I got to our back gate and I thought I’d throw the ball for him one more time. In response, he sat by the gate and stared at me as if to say “I have had enough of the ball throwing game, I want to go in, you better go get the ball.”

I had to go and get the ball, and I got plenty of exercise on that occasion.

Other times, I thrown the ball or the stick and he’d not go for it, but as soon as I got close to it, he’d dash in with speed and pace and grab it from under my nose and then want to play a sort of “dog-chase” game that usually involved him goading me into a tug-of-war with the ball or stick.

And on other occasions, he’d get the ball if we were going in particular direction, but not in another direction. It all took a lot of flexibility and learning about how best to do things in order to derive the best responses.

Ok, so this is all a little bit tongue-in-cheek and I am unlikely to be championed as Cesar Milan material just yet, but we had a wonderful time with Mick and my relationship with him is something I am using as a metaphor for enhancing relationships with todays simple, short and sweet self-hypnosis technique.

Corydon Hammond himself uses a process of a Golden Retriever metaphor for helping people who constantly pursue uncommitted partners and almost begs them for love, so I thought I’d adapt such a process based upon my experiences this weekend and offer you a lovely process here today within our theme of relationship development.

Simply follow these 8 Steps For Metaphorically Enhancing Your Relationship:

Step One: Induce hypnosis. You can do so by any means you desire or know of. You can use the process in my self-hypnosis book, use the free audio at this website to practice or have a look at the following articles as and when you need them; they are basic processes to help you simply open the door of your mind:

Using eye fixation for self-hypnosis.

The Betty Erickson Self-Hypnosis Method video clip.

Using Magnetic Hands for Self-Hypnosis.

Once you have induced hypnosis, move on to step two.

Step Two:  Imagine yourself in a place in nature. Maybe a woodland area, a beach or a park of some kind. Become aware of the colours around you, the weather, the sounds of life. Breathe the clean fresh air and enjoy the temperature that is just right for you.

Walk through this area and tell yourself that each step you take takes you deeper inside your mind.

As you walk, imagine that you are walking a dog, notice how it walks, what breed it is, notice it stopping and sniffing and how you cannot always predict its movements. Watch the dog walking within a comfortable distance with you, let yourself drift deeper inside your mind and when you really have this and are tuned into the scene in your mind, move on to the next step.

Step Three: As you walk, start to reflect and think about your relationship in your life, take a few moments to think about it, assess it, think about the role you play within your relationship.

Once you have spent enough time to get a sense of your own relationship while you continue to walk in nature with the dog, then move on to the next step.

Step Four: Watch as you notice at your feet a stick. The stick looks perfect to throw for your dog and for you to both engage in some harmonious fun together.

Notice the colour of the stick, it’s size and details.

As you bend down and pick the stick up, feel the weight of it, the texture of it and see that the dog’s attention is caught and it starts to look at you with it’s ears pricked up.

Have a really good think now – what do you say? What do you do? How do you encourage the dog and help it become interested in the stick? Right now, in your mind, do whatever you can, to get the dog involved, engaged and even excited about playing with the stick with you.

You may find that it requires a number of different approaches until the dog truly engages, reach deep inside yourself and use as many different ways as possible to engage the dog and really communicate your intentions well.

When you have done this, perhaps you have noticed that dogs tail is wagging and it is really ready, then move on to the next step.

Step Five: Now throw the stick. Become aware of how you thrown it, where you threw it.

Watch as your dog refuses to go and fetch it. Your dog sits there.

Did you throw it far enough, or too far? Did you throw it in the right direction? How does the dog react?

Right now, work out what is the best way to throw the stick, perhaps you need to run after it to show your dog what to do, or perhaps the dog requires you to fetch it together for the first time.

Go and fetch the stick yourself and notice how the dog reacts, what it does in response. Get it engaged with you again using your strategy from the previous step and when you have engaged your dog again, throw the stick in a different way, having thought and considered it… And watch as your dog bounds happily away and after the stick, tail wagging, mouth open, eyes bright and alert.

Each step the dog takes as it picks up the stick and brings it back to you, takes you deeper inside your mind and you then move on to the next step.

Step Six: Watch as your dog brings the stick back. It holds it out to you and as you lean to get it, notice if it lets go easily, or if it wants to wrestle the stick, or if it is reluctant to let go.

Think about what you say to the dog to have it let go of the stick easily and smoothly, notice your tonality and what your intentions need to be in order for the dog to respond.

Adjust your communication accordingly and play with the dog while it comfortably lets go of the stick so that you can throw it again.

Continue to throw the stick as many times as is optimum for you both to connect, enjoy it together and bond. Notice what tells you that your dog wants to carry on playing and notice what tells you that your dog is nearing the stage where you can stop playing this game.

When you sense the time is right to stop throwing the stick for now, bring it to an agreeable end. Pet your dog, stroke it, embrace it, and give it some love that shows undeniably that you enjoyed this and that you feel closer to your dog as a result of this time that you shared.

Step Seven: As you carry on walking comfortably through this place in nature, start to think of your own relationship and ways you can enhance it, ways you can bring more harmony, fun and enjoyment to the relationship in a way that strengthens it.

Once you have spent enough time thinking about that, plan on taking some action that is going to truly aid your relationship and enhance it in some way and then move on to the final step.

Step Eight: Now take a couple of nice deep, energizing breaths, wiggle your fingers and toes and open your eyes.

Go and take that action and enhance your relationship.

Thank you for your inspiration Mick, and although this blog entry is a little tongue-in-cheek in places, I think you’ll love running through this process and I wish you the best with it.

Many people write diaries and find them to have therapeutic gain, even if that is not the aim, and my own candy floss machine theory on writing thoughts down is one I talk about a great deal with clients and students alike (you can read about my candy floss theory here).

More sophisticated processes of writing issues down have shown that they can be incredibly effective in therapy too – in cognitive behavioural therapy, thought forms are very useful for helping to deal with unhelpful cognitions.

I could go on and on about the virtues of writing stuff down for therapeutic gain. I am using this in a rather different manner with today’s self-hypnosis strategy though…

Following on from the theme I initiated last week about using hypnosis enhance relationships, today I am offering up a process that can be used for a wide variety of issues, but that we are using in a very particular way.

Sometimes our previous experiences with relationships have resulted in us being, thinking and feeling a particular way and may even have resulted in us having problematic ways of being  when we are in a relationship. Relationships that we are keen to work may encounter problems as a result.

With this self-hypnosis session, you go through a process of writing a letter whilst hypnotised and you get the opportunity to express your self, create some emotional clarity, enhance your peace of mind, and experience some relief.  The main aim is that you benefit today by expressing yourself in relation to previous experiences, by writing to someone you were previously in a relationship with, that perhaps caused you some ongoing problems; this may include you being overly cautious, jealous, angry, impatient or un-trusting as well as feeling insecure or unable to express your feelings or communicate in a way that represents how you feel with accuracy. This process may offer you a way of getting some closure on relationships that ended in a particular way, and thus leading the way to some emotional freedom and even optimism as you embark on other relationships.

This process aims to make us more effective in our current relationship. Or in our prospective relationships.

Sometimes issues can get bottled up and this session is a lovely way to be able to let go of that in a natural and harmonious, gentle way.

We are using this process with self-hypnosis here, but it is not to be used by oneself if you have particularly painful, or traumatic memories – that would require the skills of a trained professional to deal with.  We are using this process to help create new perspective and to be more functional in relationships. Please do not use it to deal with other kinds of traumatic episodes in your life – bringing that sort of stuff up without the assistance of someone else could possibly make you feel worse.

6 Steps To Write A Hypnotic Letter To Enhance Your Relationships:

Prior to starting this process, get a sense of who it is you are going to write the letter to and then get in a comfortable position where you are going to be undisturbed for the duration of this session and get started with the following steps:

Step One: Induce hypnosis. You can do so by any means you desire or know of. You can use the process in my self-hypnosis book, use the free audio at this website to practice or have a look at the following articles as and when you need them; they are basic processes to help you simply open the door of your mind:

Using eye fixation for self-hypnosis.

The Betty Erickson Self-Hypnosis Method video clip.

Using Magnetic Hands for Self-Hypnosis.

Once you have induced hypnosis, move on to step two.

Step Two: Imagine a pen, create it in detail in your mind. Make it the colour, size and shape of your preference.  Imagine holding it in your writing hand; feel the weight of it, the texture in your hand and tell yourself that as you imagine it in more detail, you drift deeper inside your mind.

This pen is a creation of your mind and so has a connection with it – a direct connection to your mind. It is also controlled by your mind, so that you can use your imagination and your will to use the pen with the most effectiveness.

As you hold the pen in your hand, start to imagine a piece of paper there in your mind, in front of you. Make it a piece of paper that is going to be used for you to write a letter on. Then with the pen in your hand and the paper in front of you, move on to the next step.

Step Three: Think about the person that you are writing this letter to, someone who you feel needs to know how you feel, or how you think. As you think about who it is going to be written to, also think about how you are going to benefit and think about the ways you are going to be better in relationships by letting go and moving forward.

With that person in mind, write the words “Dear ….” And fill in the persons name. With your pen on the paper, ready to start writing your letter, now move on to the next step.

Step Four: Now let your mind and pen begin to work together. Control and watch the pen start to write and express what you need to communicate.

You may have a good idea of what needs to be said and so you can simply choose the words that are written and watch as they are displayed on the paper. Or you may allow your mind to direct you and advise you of what needs to be written and those words are written up on the paper.

Notice how the feelings attached to the words seem to be expelled and let go of as you write. In fact imagine certain feelings being diffused by the words as they are written up and absorbed by the paper.

Let the feelings go and be released via the paper, maybe without you really even noticing them in a ‘felt’ way, just letting them go in a gentle manner as you continue to write the letter, communicating yourself with more and more ease.

If you find it difficult to write what you want to say, choose to write how you feel and what reason you have for feeling this way. You might simply explain that you want to feel better and start to be better when in relationships. Explain the difficulties you have encountered as a result of this – be as candid as you can be, remember that you are the only person who is going to actually see this letter.

Express yourself in writing in the way that suits you best. Imagine letting go at the same time.

Continue to take all the time you require to get the letter written, and only stop writing when you are sure that you can and do feel different and better in some way.

Step Five: Now notice that as you have let go of old feelings and expressed old issues, notice how you feel – some people feel lighter, like a weight has been lifted. Others notice an easiness in sensation within themselves.

Spread some relaxation and lightness through your body by using a progressive relaxation technique here – it’ll help desensitize and let go of any anxiety that may have spilled over while writing. You might imagine the relaxation and lightness as a colour that you spread through the body, for example.

Start to also think of the ways in which the old experiences have actually made you better, wiser, stronger and more certain that you’ll be better equipped to enjoy your relationships even more in the future.

Mentally imagine how things are different for you now – see yourself, within a relationship, notice how you communicate effectively, are able to develop the relationship, are able to enjoy being in that relationship and notice how your partner responds and enjoys you being this way. Notice how great that makes you feel, to know that you have let go of old barriers and are moving ahead with this relationship, knowing that you are doing all that you can to make sure it is as good as it can be, regardless of what happened in the past.

Think about some action that you can take this very day that is proof to you that you are developing and are making positive changes when it comes to your relationships. Really make sure that you go and do that thing.

Once you have relaxed, reframed the experiences into a progressive part of your development and mentally rehearsed how things are going to be in the future as a result of this experience, then move on to the final step.

Step Six: Exit hypnosis. Wiggle your fingers and toes. Take a couple of deep breaths, then open your eyes and go about your day. Make sure that you go and take that action to show yourself that you have really benefited from what you have done in this session.

Enjoy that and I’ll be back soon with more ways to use self-hypnosis to enhance your relationships.

During a recent conversation with Keith, he told me all about the first website he put up, and I just had to share it with you all, so I asked him to write up the tale and we put it on our ezine yesterday and I thought I’d share it here too. To celebrate it being 20 years since Keith’s first ever website, we have an offer available on our audio products, noted at the end of Keith’s article… But if you are also interested in our web services, go and visit tour web services page on this website for more information and get in touch with us.

Anyway, here is Keith’s article, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did:

20 years, ago in May 1992 I was working out in Oman as a Nursing Officer.

I was helping to commission a new University Hospital in Muscat Oman Sultan Qaboos University Hospital, and my wife was working as a sister on the children’s ward there.

But something else happened in May of that year…

I put up my first website. It was a long, slow process uploading using a 14K (very slow) modem onto an American server via a very poor telephone line. In fact, I remember it took me nearly all night to load just a few pages and a few photos. Loading this website absolutely changed my life and came about totally by accident.

The World Wide Web as we know it was really born in 1991, and the first adopters of the technology were the military and universities. Early in 1992, a friend of mine working over in the university main building invited me over to see something. What I witnessed was actually the first internet communication that I had seen, using a bulletin board to send messages to another university in the US. I couldn’t quite get my head around what was happening, but was fascinated.

A couple of months later, I was in on holiday in the UK and visited a friend of mine, George, in Leominster, who had an antiques business with very expensive furniture. It was recession time in the UK and he was telling me how hard it was for his business at that time, especially as the Americans were his market. I then rather foolishly tried to explain to him that I had seen something called the Internet and that I understood that the Americans were beginning to use for commercial advertising.

What I was proposing to him was that I would take some pictures and descriptions of his furniture and go back to Muscat and try to put up a website. The explanation went totally over his head and he said that he didn’t know what I was talking about, but go ahead if you think it will help.

I, of course, didn’t have a clue how to put up a website and began to panic. I went all around London trying to find a book about the internet, but more specifically about making websites. I finally found one by an American author called Laura Lemay. So armed with the book, photos and some text, I headed back to Muscat to see what I could do.

By today’s standards, you would hardly call it a website, but gradually it came together. There was, in fact, very little that you could do, as there were very few tags (for those of you who understand HTML) and the site was just wall-to-wall text with the odd photo thrown in. Reasonable layout and colour were impossible — everything was just black text on a grey background. I quickly found out that the photos had to be small in size, as Internet connections were very slow in those early years, which is hardly the best way to display antique furniture.

Anyway, despite the small images, my efforts were richly rewarded, as my friend was called by various American antique dealers within days of the site going live, and he had visits from dealers as a result of the website. There were very few internet competitors out there then, and a UK antiques business site aimed at Americans was a perfect match. Mind you, how those dealers found the site is still a mystery to me, as there were also no search engines then either.

George didn’t begin to understand what had happened or how it had worked, and frankly he didn’t care, as it was the results that mattered to him. It saved his business basically. o he phoned me and asked me if I could do the same for some of his antique dealer friends. My second website was about ‘grandfather clocks’ and the third was for ‘fourposter beds’.

So, there was I in the Middle East, putting together websites for British businesses and uploading them to American servers. I knew that life had changed forever, and decided that it was a future that I would be interested in developing.

In 1996, I returned to the UK to start a business in web design and I set up a business called Dorset Web, which I eventually sold to my business partner. I’ve just had a look and it is still an active site — hey, I love it (well done, Tony).

I stopped counting when I got to 2000 websites (which was about four years ago) that I have been involved in developing.

In many ways the internet is one of the most challenging businesses you can be involved in, because it is constantly changing. My son, who was just one year old when I put up that first website, is now finishing university this year and communicates with me via Skype and Facebook — what an amazing change in lifestyle. One of my colleagues, Rob, who seems to have worked with me forever and does most of the practical technical stuff for me these days, was seven years old when I put up that antique site (pun intended).

But the internet changes just go on and on, and only yesterday I was looking at a new bit of technology that I think we should be adopting on Adam’s site. I think I sometimes make Adam dizzy with all things I’m wanting to do, but I am well aware of the problem that you really do need to stay ahead of the curve with a technology that is moving on so fast.

It was a major shift for me from nursing to a business running the Internet but the important thing is that I have loved both careers just as much as each other. At least with this business I do not need to retire now, and I’m glad about that as I just love this work and for sure I know will keep my brain active.

What I like about working with Adam and other therapists is that I am able to combine my interest in health with all this Internet techy stuff. A healthy, sorted-out mind is the most powerful driving force to a healthy lifestyle and life success.

So, to mark 20 years, with Adam’s permission, we are going to celebrate by offering 20% discount on all items in our store throughout May, starting Thursday 3rd May.

Enjoy, and here’s to the next 20 years — I wonder what they will bring?

Thanks for that Keith — and have a great weekend everyone, I shall be firewalking this evening and will be back here after the bank holiday.

My stock reply was that I had struggled with relationships myself, not found someone I had felt capable of committing any substantial part of my life to and despite having encountered a number of relationships, I had not deemed any of them to have been particular successful. Who was I to therefore advise on how to have effective relationships?

I had many great friendships and professional relationships, just not the kind of personal relationships people were asking me about. Maybe I could have suggested that my listeners do as I say, not as I do, but that felt disingenuous, so I never wrote about it or really worked with relationships a great deal.

Howevuuuur… Just as I had finished reading Osho’s book on the art of aloneness, I met the woman who was to be my wife. She became my wife, and we have had several years of what I consider to be a truly remarkable and wonderful relationship; a marriage that has already had to endure some incredible challenges that we have overcome together. Some of the things we encountered may have pulled people apart, however, we have grown stronger and share something that only the two of us truly appreciate.

We have a lot of joy, laughter, mutual respect, support and know each other incredibly well.

Within the next week is our wedding anniversary and as we celebrate another year together and look toward many more years of happiness, I have started to feel much better equipped to offer up techniques and strategies for helping others with enhancing their relationships. The requests have continued and so I am finally yielding to such requests and my next few blog entries are going to be showcasing ways of using hypnosis to help advance ourselves to subsequently enhance our relationships.

Note that I said “advance ourselves” because we can only really be fully in control of ourselves within our relationships.

This first process that I am sharing today is one I have used with clients and also upon myself. My main motivation for tracking down this kind of process was something I spoke of in my own wedding speech – I blamed my parents and grandparents for the fact that I was struggling to find the right person for me. It was said with my tongue in my cheek.

The point I was making is that my parents were together since they were teenagers and my Grandparents also – my grandparents were married for 65 years; they got a telegram from the queen which was read out at their 60^th wedding anniversary party. They also died within 2 days of one another and had a joint funeral and whilst I was incredibly sad as a coffin carrier that day, it was a joy to celebrate their lives together.

My templates for an effective relationship came from these people and I always believed that theirs were relationships that were inherently perfect and nothing I had experienced prior to meeting Katie ever measured up to what I believed things should be.

Today, I think I know that we cannot expect perfection (though to me Katie is mostly perfect) but we can learn to understand people better instead in a way that ensures we learn to love that person and not strive to love something unattainable.

Many people that I encounter professionally and personally have encountered some kind of disappointment within their relationship, often brought about by unrealistic expectations.  It leads to a lack of understanding of the other person. This process here today is all about you metaphorically developing your understanding of a particular person that you are in a relationship with. This process today is very much influenced by the work of Gerald Mozdzierz, Ph.D. Just follow these simple steps.

The process does have an air of fun about it, because we are working with fruits and vegetables, so feel free to have a giggle and laughter when you do this too.

7 Steps To Use Self-Hypnosis To Develop Better Understanding Of People

Step One: Induce hypnosis. You can do so by any means you desire or know of. You can use the process in my self-hypnosis book, use the free audio at this website to practice or have a look at the following articles as and when you need them; they are basic processes to help you simply open the door of your mind:

Using eye fixation for self-hypnosis.

The Betty Erickson Self-Hypnosis Method video clip.

Using Magnetic Hands for Self-Hypnosis.

Once you have induced hypnosis, move on to step two.

Step Two: Think about your favourite fruit or vegetable. What do you like about it, what are your reasons for it being your favourite? Become aware of the colour, the shape, be aware of what it is that you enjoy about it and why it is that you look forward to it.

Once you have spent some time just thinking about that, then move on to the next step.

Step Three: Think about your own relationship and think about the other person in your relationship. What fruit or vegetable best represents them?

Imagine that fruit or vegetable there in front of you, see its shape, its colour, its size. Really engage with it, notice what it is about this fruit or vegetable

It is what it is.

It is that fruit, or vegetable. It is not anything else.

As you look at it, know and accept that fruit or vegetable as it is. It may not have the same qualities, flavours, colours of your favourite fruit or vegetable; it is as it is.

You might repeat to yourself “I accept that as it is” or “I accept you” while looking at it. However, you can also imagine a sense of acceptance spreading through you as you look upon it.

See it as it is.

Spend some time understanding what that fruit and vegetable is. When you feel you are seeing that fruit as it is, without comparing it to your favourite and without trying to find the qualities of your favourite within it, then move on to the next step.

Step Four: Now start to think about all the strengths, skills and abilities that you have. Think about your creativity and imagination.

Think also about what kind of fruit or vegetable you are and that best sums you up. And accept that fruit or vegetable is as it is too.

When you have a sense of who and how you are, then move on to the next step.

Step Five: Consider again the other person in your relationship. Now think of all the wonderful ways that that fruit or vegetable that represented the other person in your relationship can be celebrated.

For example, apples can be more than just apples – and though they can be sweet or sour, soft or crunchy, green or red as that fruit, they can also be found in cakes, pies, sauces and drinks too. Consider all the other wonderful ways you can celebrate that fruit or vegetable.

Then also think about all the ways in which that fruit or vegetable can also combine in some way with your own fruit or vegetable to create a recipe or a dish or courses of a meal, and how they can become so wonderful when combined.

Begin to run through as many palatable and enjoyable combinations as you possibly can, spend some time considering them too, then move on to the next step.

Step Six: Be thoughtful and consider the implications of this exercise. Relate all the deeper lessons and learning to yourself and your relationship. Let it enhance your acceptance and begin to develop some ideas of how much more it can be when you do learn to accept and understand that person as they are.

Once you have developed any deeper lessons and learnings, then you can think about bringing them with you and allowing them to enhance the way you are within your relationship and move on to the final step.

Step Seven: Exit hypnosis. Wiggle your toes and fingers, take a couple of nice deep, energizing breaths and open your eyes.

Think about some action that you can take today to respond productively and progressively to what you have learned in this session. Go and prove that you have developed some more understanding and develop and advance your relationship today.

There you have it, the first of a few processes as we examine ways to develop relationships, there’ll be more of this theme next week, although tomorrow I have a very different blog entry to usual, tune in and you’ll see what I mean.