A World Of Progress TeamZine ~ From The Right

A Gay Republican?

redheadshesaid@gmail.com (Jen) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 01:14:00 +0000

How is it that a gay man or woman can be a Republican?

My father was gay and he was a Republican. Mutually exclusive? Not really though he did switch teams a few years before he died.

In fact my father is not the only gay man I know who is a Republican. Hard to believe, I know. This isn't such an oxymoron if you think about it. It's all about picking battles and where you are in your life and career.

My father was a Republican first. He was always gay, at least as far back as he could remember, but he was trying to hide it so "gay" wasn't the first characteristic he labeled himself. He was also a doctor and thus a small business owner. He believed that the government had no right to tell him how to spend his money and he didn't much enjoy being taxed more because he made more money than the average American.

My father came out of the closet, a little at least, in the late '70's. My brother and I were just entering the teen years and Ronald Reagan was about to become President. All things came together to make both my brother and me Republicans. Had my father come out of the closet to us when we were younger we probably would have been less inclined to look to the right for answers. As it was things were pretty shaky in the world and in our house so the right offered stability and comfort.

While I have remained an open minded and moderate Republican my brother tends to consider himself more conservative. He isn't really but he likes to think he is. Neither of us is religious and that is what truly sets us apart from the Neo Conservatives which are the wrath of the liberals.

And honestly they are a small group. Unfortunately they have a lot of money and they are well organized. It has long been my desire to have the Republican party renounce themselves from the christian right but so far they provide too much of a voting block and thus I think they might be around for a while. I was hoping the Log Cabin Republicans would gain a foothold but this past election had everyone running for different corners and they pretty much folded. It's too bad because the Republicans admire all things that the gay profess to.

"Stay out of my business".

And, of course, we have Larry Craig.

The difference between the gay Republicans and the gay Liberals is that the gay Republicans are still in denial. They are afraid to come out of the closet because, as any gay person will tell you, it is scary to open yourself up to hate and disgust. It sucks to be shunned by your family and friends. Republicans have spent their lives doing what they have been told to do and have striven not to make waves. Liberals have been taught just the opposite. And thank god they have or we would have never come this far in the struggle to achieve fairness for all people.

We need two parties in our republic. If we didn't have at least two parties we would never achieve anything different. Having two parties creates new ideas and keeps the party in power in check. We need to stop labeling one party as evil however, and we need to take religion out of the whole equation. It does not belong in politics.

Most of my father's friends, who also happened to be gay and married, were Republicans. This should surprise no one. If they weren't closeted they might be more inclined to question authority, to try to change things that are wrong in this world. Owning up to being moderate or even liberal when you have spent your whole life as a conservative is really no different than coming out of the closet.

Jennifer Brown
Redhead Ranting

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Peace Y'all

Blanca's Stimulus Plan

noreply@blogger.com (Blanca DeBree) — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 00:37:00 +0000

Now that the House has finally passed a stimulus plan--thankfully without a single Republican vote--it is time for Blanca to introduce her own stimulus plan. Out of character, this particular stimulus plan has everything to do with the economy and nothing to do with sex toys.

For years our country has been struggling against unemployment. Although other nations have much higher joblessness--Iraq, Gaza, and Zimbabwe pop to mind--we still are looking at more than 7% unemployment nationally, and now more than 10% in Michigan. Of course, living next to the Wolverine State, Blanca knows how much of a cesspool Michigan really is. Most of Wisconsin dumps their trash in Lakes Superior and Michigan so the flotsam can float underneath the Mackinac Bridge on its way past Alpena down through the Detroit River, going by Toledo on its way to the Saint Lawrence Seaway to piss off the French Canadians. After all, we Americans owe it to Commander Guy to stick it to the French part of the Quebecois at the very least.

But our nation has known many times when employment was full, when it was workers, not jobs, which were scarce. Such times as World War II, World War I, and a very lucrative time--at least for my family--which came to a rather uneventful end in 1865.

We can return to those heady times of yesteryear with full employment if we only follow Blanca's simple plan: repeal the Thirteenth Amendment.

Immediately we would take almost all of the unemployed and put them to work--for nothing! Just think of the productivity to cost ratio! Immediately the indolent of our society would snap to it. We could even bring back the whip! My God, right now I can hear the whole "My name is Kunta Kinte, my name is Kunta Kinte, my name is Toby" thing in my head. And as an added bonus, all of those kinky, closeted Republicans will finally be able to work out their S&M fantasies. Finally Senator Vitter won't have to rely on diapers to get his Cajun rocks off.

We will reserve places for all of our minorities in this new work force. Blacks, Hispanics, Asians, Jews, Muslims, even Gays and Women will be automatically enrolled in this new army of workers. But of course, we will allow those who can buy their own freedom to work with the rest of us white, Christian, straight normal people. Just think Chicken George or Condi Rice.

And Blanca won't have to stoop to do her own yard work or driving. With my new chauffeur, Jose the Pantless driving me around town, I will be free to pursue my two favorite past times: reading, and performing oral sex on a half naked Mexican slave. Olé!

So write your Representative and Senators today, and demand that the United States undo this terrible injustice, and return our nation to solvency and full employment. And then find yourself your own slave, and ride your way to easy street. And when I say ride, Blanca means ride him like a wild bronco: bare back and with spurs!

From the Right, Really.

redheadshesaid@gmail.com (Jen) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 23:38:00 +0000

When I first mentioned to Kim that I was interested in contributing to the World of Progress TeamZine and for From The Right it seemed like a really good idea. I have to admit that I had had a glass or two of wine before I volunteered my services. I'm a little nervous about the whole thing.

I write several blogs, Redhead Ranting, Ergodic Cogitation and Kids of Queers. I consider Redhead Ranting my main blog. It is the blog that really captures who I am. Ergodic Cogitation is a place where I can post about the weird things that go through my mind that I wonder about. Kids of Queers is a much more serious blog but also captures the essence of Jen.

I am queer spawn. My father was gay, he has since passed away, and my mother is straight. They remained married until my father's death two years ago. They were married for 45 years. My father raised me as a Republican. He did so because during those formative years of mine he was horribly closeted. In the last ten years of his life he switched side and became a Democrat. He was still fiscally conservative and socially conservative when it came to my dating habits, actually he was just a snob, but he hated everything that George Bush and Ronald Reagan represented.

I identify myself as a Republican (small government, individuals rights and fiscal restraint) however I do have a couple of very liberal beliefs. I'm for gay marriage and I'm reluctantly Pro-Choice. I'm probably more of a Libertarian than an actual Republican.

I don't listen to Rush Limbaugh. I have a time or two but frankly I don't know what he is talking about most of the time. I don't vote down party lines but I have voted for the right more than the left.

Last year I did some volunteer work for COLAGE. As a child of a gay parent I would have liked to have known someone with gay parents as a kid. I figured the next best thing would be to be that person for other kids in the same boat. I enjoyed working with the kids but found that working with the adults, people who were very active in politics and liberal ones at that, was a bit intimidating and off putting. I was not only pegged as straight but also as a Republican. I didn't realize I gave off vibes.

It is not my desire to bridge the two parties nor is it my desire to convert anyone. It is a good thing to have two very opposing parties for our country. Lets face it, the majority of us fall in the middle. If we didn't have the people on the far left and the people on the far right we wouldn't make any advances in our thinking or our policies.

We Republicans are not all bad. We do not all have horns. Some of us are actually pretty nice and fairly reasonable people. Hopefully in the coming posts we will both learn a thing or three about each other.

Jennifer Brown
Redhead Ranting

George W. Bush Kept Us Safe

noreply@blogger.com (Blanca DeBree) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 21:02:00 +0000

As the final term of Commander Guy comes to a close next week, it is time to look back on the last eight years. No matter how you feel about the most amazing President in the history of the world, whether you agree he was the best thing to happen to this country since freedom and the flag, or if you are an evildoer, who thinks he is bad, we all need to reflect back and remember how the Decider kept us safe.

Of course, we shouldn't mention planes flying into buildings. If you don't count those four planes, there were zero hijackings under Bush and no attacks on tall buildings in twin configurations or in the shape of pentagons.

And it goes without mention any incident of attack using biological weapon. If you ignore those five people killed by the anthrax attacks of 2001 there were zero deaths due to biological weapons. I guess it also helped that there really weren't any such weapons in Iraq in the first place. But I guess we have to give credit to Cheney for that little "boo boo."

Naturally we shouldn't mention hurricanes, either. If you ignore the Gulf hurricanes of 2005 and 2008, our Dear Leader kept us safe from all manner of natural disasters. In fact, if you don't count the major fubar state of the whole Katrina and Ike rescue and recovery efforts, we had the bestest and most effective FEMA any horse fucker could ask for.

And we really shouldn't mention any kind of economic meltdown, whether it be the sub prime mortgage debacle, the bank implosions, the stock market crash--er, crashes--or the first net loss in jobs since Herbert "My Name Isn't Hitler" Hoover. If you ignore all that crap, it was an economic boon under 43.

And when I say "us," I, of course, do not mean to include any of our allies, whether they be Australian, English, or Spanish. It's just silly to assume that Commander Guy would be bothered either keeping our friends safe or worrying about their feelings, no matter how hot under the collar--or anywhere else--they get.

But there are a lot of things, for which our beloved President never gets credit. You never hear in the liberal media of all the disasters and attacks, which George W. Bush prevented.

Under Bush's watch, the Nazis did not come back into power; they did not reanimate Hitler's brain; and they did not invade the Sudetenland. Some may argue that the more decayed pieces of Hitler's brain were transplanted into my gal pal Ann Coulter's head recently, but she, nonetheless, did not invade Poland.

We were not invaded by Martians in the past eight years. Bush prevented such invasions through his warrentless wiretapping program. All telephone calls involving Americans originating or terminating in Mars were recorded and meticulously filtered for the inevitable Prince Albert in a Can crank calls, phone sex, and pizza delivery orders. Thank you, Mr. Bush!

And to the best of my knowledge, the sun did not go supernova while Commander Guy sat at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. His brilliant denial of science program prevented the laws of nature from taking hold and kept our big bright Jesus fireball in the sky from exploding due to God's anger over gay marriage and Ryan Seacrest.

So you see, America, you have a lot to thank Bush for--and when I say America, I'm including you, too, America Ferrera. So next Tuesday, as we say goodbye to 43, let's just keep in mind how good you had it as we suffer over the next four to sixteen years under competent, thoughtful, and totally socialist leadership.

Ann Coulter Admits She's A Dude On Live TV

kim@aworldofprogress.com (A Progressive Girl) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 08:01:00 +0000

I warned my gal pal Ann Coulter that having her jaw wired shut would create such an urge to run off at the mouth that when she finally got unstitched it would be her undoing. But the know-it-all bitch wouldn't listen to me. It's not the first time. I remember warning her about the perils of using other people's butt plugs, but she had to go and use Sean Hannity's. It took her three months to get rid of those anal warts.

Ann has been doing the talk show circuit promoting her new book Guilty. She has been assailing anyone not nailed down, and has been exposing herself in the process. And when I say "exposing," I don't mean that she is flashing her junk all over the place. She only does that after a couple of Flirtinis. But let me reassure you that I have seen her package. The only person out there with smaller huevos is Michael "the Wiener" Savage.

But even I was shocked to hear her finally admit on live television what I and my puki pal Michelle Malkin have known for years. Ann Coulter is really a guy.

When she blurted it out on Lou Dobbs last night, even I did a spit take. I kept hearing Mike Myers as Austin Powers screaming in my head "it's a man, baby."

Ann and I are very close. She calls me the "B-Word"--short for Blanca--and I call her the "C-Word"--short for cunt. We share good times and bad times, and have passed around the occaisional man. But lately I have been worried about her mental state.

Her appearance is getting more and more grotesque as the days go on. I knew the election of Barack Obama, or B. Hussein Obama as she likes to call him, would send her off the deep end. I mean I knew she was putting on the makeup with a trowel like a drag queen trollop, but I never guessed she would go and out herself on live televison like that. I mean she did everything but hike up her skirt to show everyone her bait and tackle.

Ann, I am talking to you now. It is time you got yourself some help. Everyone is laughing at you. Queens in the Village are dressing up as you and Sarah Palin for Halloween. True conservatives are whispering behind your back and using you as a scapegoat for all of our woes these days. Get yourself on a couch, before they lock you up. And when I say "couch," I don't mean with your legs behind your head in the position you like to call "ankles to Jesus."

Time is running out. If you don't go voluntarily, they will do it for you. And how are you going to write any muckracking screeds with a crayon? Because you know that is all they are going to give you on the inside. They don't even let you have safety razors in the cuckoo's nest. And once you are off your hormones, that five o'clock shadow will return. Then that will be the end of your career, honey. After all, who wants to get their right wing talking points from a dude with a beard in a beaten up black cocktail dress?