A long and arduous road of an entrepreneur

Winter, Spring, Winter?

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 07:02:20 PDT

After winter in April, the cold got worse in May. It may actually have been Ice Age in May.

In the beginning of last year, I've put excess company fund into an investment fund. I wanted the money to work harder for the company instead of just sitting pretty in the bank. In the first few months, the investment made modest gain and everything seemed well. Then sometime in the 3rd quarter of last year, the fund just went south. At the advice of the bank's financial advisor, we switched to another fund.

In May this year, the fund suffered a huge drop and it does not seem like it'll ever recover. So to stem the bloodletting, I've made the painful decision of realising the loss. It was a difficult decision as there is always the what ifs. What if the fund recover in the future? Am I being too emotional and rash? However, what if due to my inaction and indecisiveness, I lose everything. In the end, I hardened my resolve and the company lost $60k.

I don't look back any more. What's done is done. There is only going forward.

In May, when we closed the accounts, we only received $31,916.12. Again, it was way below our operating costs. So we suffered a loss in terms of cash flow in the month of May again.

I've already given instructions to my account staff to follow up closely all the late outstanding payments from our clients. I expect to see improvement in the June collection.

Indeed, we received the highest amount of payments in June. But it is nothing to crow about. The higher amounts were due to the late payments of clients for the months of April and May. But it does bring a brief respite for June.

But things seem to have turned south for July again. Almost one-third of the month has passed and we've only received $4,510. That's really really a pathetic sum.

The war of endurance has begun.

A Different World

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 09:57:12 PDT

A few days ago, my friend forwarded me an article link to channelnewsasia.com. Our Foreign Affairs Minister George Yeo was giving a speech at the 15th anniversary celebrations of Damai Secondary School. He mentioned that the world will be a very different place when the crisis is over and countries like China, India, Brazil and Russia will have major roles in the new world.

He suggested to cope with the change is to learn new languages.

Honestly speaking when I read that sentence, it gave me "What the (sorry I don't swear :p)....?" moment! Really, to cope with the new and different world, we are to pick up more languages? Which one? Hindi? Russian? Portuguese? Or all of the above? If not for our country's language policy and social engineering, our Chinese language would not have languished at its current sad state.

As it is, the world has already been different without needing the crisis to be over. The world has long passed us over and the government reassures us everything is going to be ok? By learning more languages?

Just look at the recent result published by Skytrax, in the survey of 190 airports by the British-based consultancy, Changi Airport (one of the crown jewel, pride and joy of our government) scored its lowest ranking in eight years! That is even after the opening of our S$1.75 billion T3 on 9 Jan last year.

Since 2001 to 2009, Changi Airport has never been awarded the first position. We had always languished behind Hong Kong International Airport for 9 continuous years. But Incheon International Airport managed to leapfrog Singapore in 5 years and claim the first position this year. What has happened during the past 9 years? Why didn't our airport manage to clinch the first position?

In the past 9 years, the world has already been moving in a quickening pace and been a more competitive place. Have we become less competitive? I think the answer to the question is obvious. The world is already a different place. We don't have to wait for the crisis to be over.

Just take a look at the following countries: Japan has Sony. South Korean has Samsung. Finland (population of 5.34 million, slightly more than Singapore's 4.84 million) has Nokia. Each of these countries has their own language. Other than possibly English, did they need to learn other new languages before they build these companies? Most probably not.

We should start building our own company, if not companies, that can compete in the world arena. This is the only possible solution for the future of Singapore (definitely a better solution than learning new languages). Sometimes I wonder if the dearth of local world-class companies are linked to the proliferation of GLCs and Temasek invested companies in Singapore. The market size of Singapore is already small and if we have GLCs and Temasek invested companies giving projects to companies in the same ecosystem, where does this leave the independent and private companies? Picking up crumbs and leftovers?

Learn new languages to cope with the change? LMAO! Sheesh!

ChannelNewsAsia
4 July 2009
Current global economic crisis will test Singaporeans' moral character
By Cheryl Lim

SINGAPORE: Foreign Affairs Minister George Yeo said the current crisis in the global economy will test the moral character of Singaporeans.

Speaking at the 15th anniversary celebrations of Damai Secondary School on Saturday, Mr Yeo said if there is a strong sense of mutual obligation, solidarity and affection, Singaporeans will not only pull through the crisis but will also emerge stronger and more united.

But he added the world will be a very different place when the crisis is over, with many centres of political, economic and cultural influence in the world.

He said he expects China and India will become big powers in the future, and Russia and Brazil will also play major roles.

Mr Yeo said Singaporeans will also have to prepare for a different world and safeguard their security.

One way to cope with the changes is to learn languages.

He also added that making the maximum use of technology will help ensure Singaporeans keep connected with the rest of the global network.

Corporate Junk #20

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 12:11:43 PDT

While I'm typing out this entry, I'm listening to Pet Shop Boy's new album, Yes. It sure transports me back to a more innocent and nostalgic times.

A client of ours for 3 years had unilaterally given themselves a 60% discount. They told us that this is their budget for the year. They practically told us, "Take it or leave it." At 40% of the original selling price, there was no way we could sell the product to them. It wouldn't even cover our cost. So obviously, we had to decline their 'offer'.

A few days later, another staff of a different department called my sales staff again to check with us if the initial price which we offered to them was still available to them. Well, it has been a few days only so we said it was still available to them, even though the quotation has expired, we can extend the deadline. Immediately that evening, they gave us their verbal agreement and we emailed them the contract.

Some days later, we received a call from the same staff again. The staff told us that their general manager (GM) is not signing the contract. Their GM demanded that we give a 10% discount and shouted, "Don't they know there is an economic recession now?!! Why are they still offering the same price?"

My staff explained to them that we've already given them a special price that was only available to long time clients. In fact, our current selling price for the product is $12k but we are offering them at a special price of $10k, which was already a 16% discount. They wanted a further 10% discount which would be another $1000 off the $10k price.

When my staff told me about the incident, I instinctively asked if the GM is of certain characteristic as I suspected him to be one. I'm not trying to stereotype but my experience from the past 9 years had not been pleasant with GM/MD/CEO who coincidentally happens to belong to this category. In general, they don't value past relationships. They would want to shove their views and pricing down your throat. Even when they are the ones who are asking for a favour, they would come with a high-and-mighty attitude, just demanded that you bow down to their requests. It is always either their way or the high way! For example, in this incident, the GM doesn't care that the staff has already agreed to the deal and given the verbal agreement. The GM just doesn't understand that our nuances of "face", "honour" and "integrity". In the first place, it was the GM who had given the go-ahead before the staff gave us the verbal agreement. It was only when the GM felt that we should have given them a 10% discount because of the "economic recession" that he rescinded his decision. This caused his staff to lose "face" and "honour". The staff was so embarrassed and had to apologise to us profusely.

We understand the staff's predicament. She was just a messenger so we tried to help her and not make things difficult for her. So after discussing with my staff, we offered a 10% discount if they would sign a 2 year service agreement instead of 1 year. We thought this would have been a win-win situation. However, the GM told us not to try to be creative. They just want a straight 10% discount. Nothing else. The GM actually told us that why should he restrict himself to a 2-year contract. If next year, the economy has not improved, he smugly told us that he'll ask for further discounts again and he fully expects us to comply.

When my staff told me about this, I was very angry with the GM's attitude. It was so 目中无人 (literally translated: his eyes see no one else)! It was obvious he was not even interested in forging a good relationship. In fact, he wasn't treating us with respect. I shan't even begin to repeat his words and his condescending tone when he was talking to my staff.

A part of me (the logical side) was wondering if I should just forfeit the $1000 to get $9000. If I don't give in, just because of $1000, I'll lose $9000. But I just can't remove the mental image of his smug face, that if we accede to his request, he would be feeling victorious and think, "See... I knew it... you are all trying to act tough only. You are all weak on the inside."

Just the thought of it makes my blood boils. No, I shall not allow ourselves to be viewed as 东亚病夫 (literally translated: the sick people of Asia). Like the lead character in the movie Ip Man, I'll not forsake my pride for a few bags of rice.

I instructed my staff to reject their offer and stop entertaining their ridiculous requests. I'm walking away from the deal.

A New Cut

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 23:39:24 PDT

I've been going to the same hairstylist for the past 15 years. Yes, I'm a loyal customer. But a friend of mine has been complaining that I'm a presentation of three decades of fashion: jeans of the 90s, shirts of the 80s, and hairstyle of the 70s. * weeps *

After consulting a lady friend (whom I've known for a long long time) while drinking at Orgo, she also agreed that my hairstyle is in need of some updating, to put it across gently.

Well, easier said than done. Which salon to go to now? So like all surfer, I did my research online and found from the recommendations and comments online, it was generally advised that if you want an obvious change of style... go Shunji Matsuo. With great trepidations and fear of the unknown outcome, I made an appointment with the salon. I was determined to have a change but I don't know if the result will be disastrous instead. Since my hairstylist was a lady for the past 15 years, I decided to try a male hairstylist this time.

When the hairstylist asked if I've any preference, I replied, "Just change me."

Seriously, after the cut, I don't know what to make of it, I don't know what I feel. But it wasn't me and it took some time of getting use to. After the cut, the hairstylist suggested I should dye my hair. Without hesitation, I agreed. My immediate and decisive answer caught myself by surprised too. For the past weeks, I've sensed a slow transformation in myself. I've felt more assured, firm, certain and I've been more decisive.

From a simple wash and cut which took 45 mins, now my whole transformation took about 2 hours. Well... transformation does take time.

After my hair is coloured, the hairstylist styled my hair using wax and showed me how to do it on my own too. I've always thought the male characters in Japanese Anime with their hair standing up looking messy and cool at the same time was not possible. Now, I realised it was possible and real. This is how I look now:

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Haha! Like real I'll look like that. I wished! But the truth is, my hair is coloured and they are standing up when styled with wax. (Hmmm... I wonder who is Cloud's hairstylist and how he managed to style his hair this way. Should ask him for tips next time I meet him.)

It's been a month since my cut. In general, I received favourable responses. My eldest son's response when he first saw me with the new cut, "Papa, you cut your hair. Not bad. You look a little bit better." T.T

Even though most of my friends were surprised by my change, they were still supportive and welcomed the change. For some reason, within the first few days of my cut, all my good pals and close friends called and met me either for lunch, dinner or drinks. All saw my new hairstyle within the first 5 days. This must be a conspiracy! =_=

Truth of the matter is, I've always been a goody two-shoes. I'm a very controlled and self-restrained person. I've always been an obedient son to my parents and I don't give them any trouble, not even during my rebellious years. I have never smoke nor tried drugs. I didn't start drinking until I was 26! I don't go around breaking girls' hearts. (I was in one and only one relationship and that was with my wife.) The number of times I went clubbing can be counted with just one hand. When I wanted to get a motorbike license, I obliged my parents when they didn't agree as they didn't feel it was safe. I don't even snack nor eat tidbits!

The funny thing is, after the cut, I've felt myself changing. This was also evident in the way I drive. My driving decisions have become bolder. I used to stay in the same lane but now I'll change lane and get ahead when the opportunity arises. I'm still a safe driver but I allow myself more options and my decisions are quicker and more decisive.

My wife has also sensed the change in me. I wondered if it was the hairstyle that changed me but she thinks that I've been going through a gradual phase of change but the new and more daring hairstyle hastened and completed the metamorphosis. Maybe the change in hairstyle was symbolical of me breaking free of the self-restraints and shackles I've imposed upon myself in the past. I believe all these are the culmination of my self-reflection which began 4 months ago. I've finally broke out of my cocoon and emerged from my shell.

Now I feel more confident, focused and clear-minded. I can see my plans for the next 5 years and what I want to achieve by then. I feel confident and self-assured. There is a new clarity in my actions and there is no doubt. Even when I'm faced with new obstacles or challenges, I've the conviction that I'll overcome them. I'm also better able to keep my cool. Sometimes, I think I even have the cold-blooded clarity of an assassin when facing a challenge. I just know that I'm able to overcome my enemy. I also make bolder and more decisive decisions now.

A new cut, a new me, a new beginning.

A Nice Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 11:12:02 PDT

Many years ago, when a dear friend of mine asked me to visit her in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and sit in some of her meetings with her vendors so I can help and explain to her some of the technical terms and advice her if the vendors were not trying to con her company. I readily agreed without hesitation. Yes, I would literally go the distance for a friend.

Sometime last year, another good friend of mine, K, needed to collect his new car after selling his old one, I offered to drive up to his place at Upper Bukit Timah and drive him to the car company to pick up his new ride.

A friend of mine was getting married last year and he called me and asked if he could borrow $10k from me if he needed when he buy his hdb unit from the resale market. I told him not to worry as I'll set aside this sum for him and I'm prepared to lend it to him when he needs it. Half a year later, he called me and I lent him the money.

However, that was the last time I would lend money to a friend. In total, I've lent about $20k in the past decade to my friends and till date none have made any real attempt in returning me any money. Sigh.

A few months ago, another friend of mine, in the middle of rushing her work, her work laptop fried. She was on msn conversation with me using her personal laptop when it happened. From the msn messages, I can sense her desperation and despair. It was just past midnight then and it was her birthday. No one should have such a bad start to their birthday, I quickly looked for my friends who are still awake in msn and asked if they had a portable SATA drive I can borrow so I can try to retrieve the data. One of my friend who has it but he stays in Upper Bukit Timah. I drove all the way up and then back again to my friend's place. In the end, even though I was not able to port out the data but I told her not to worry as I'll get it fix. Told her it was her birthday afterall and assured her everything will turn out well. It was around 2 am when I left her place.

The same day, I managed to find a shop that was able to port out her data. I returned her the laptop and with data intact. Birthday memory was saved.

On Thursday night, the home broadband connection of a dear friend of mine suddenly decided to give up on her when she had a very urgent and important meeting to prepare. Fortunately, she was able to connect her laptop directly to the cable modem when I advised her to try. Eventually, we isolated the problem to the router. As I know she would require her wireless connection so she can work more conveniently at home after working hours, I volunteered to help her buy the router since I was going to Funan Centre anyway. I delivered the router to her company and left it with the receptionist as I knew she would be busy in meetings and didn't want to disturb her.

Just received a text message from her thanking me and told me her colleague couldn't believe how nice a friend I am. * embarrassed *

To me, all these things which I've done are all within my capabilities to help so I would just offer my assistance. A dear friend of mine ever commented I'm a rare breed in this world and she even wondered if I'm actually an alien.

Yeah, I'm Kal-El from the planet Krpton. :p

Sweetness

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 09:20:07 PDT

Forewarned: Two stories of sugar overload. :p

***

For some of you who have started reading my blog since its inception may remember my first profile avatar was actually an image of Gundam RX-78. Anyway, what I was trying to say is that I'm a fan of Gundam.

In celebration of the 30th Anniversary of Gundam, Bandai has built a life-size 18 metres tall RX-78-2 at Odaiba, Tokyo! That is like a dream come true! I've also watched the youtube video where the life-size statue actually moved! When I saw the the head of Gundam turned, I was so moved that I can feel my eyes were wet. I probably will be overcome by emotion when I'm there and see it moved right before my eyes. No, I'm not going to wet my pants!

I had planned to visit my Gundam Mecca next year then I learnt from a fellow fan that the statue will only be there for 2 months - until end of August only! After that, it'll no longer be there! How can?! As my son's school has started and my chauffeur duty has resumed, it was difficult for me to just pack up and fly to Tokyo. A friend of mine pointed out that 6 July (Monday) will be a school holiday as Youth Day is on a Sunday this year. I actually can take a flight on Friday night and come back Singapore on Monday. After getting approval from my dear wife, the trip was planned and I was going to Tokyo.

Then my wife caught a cold and fell sick on Tuesday.

18 metre Gundam against my 1.6 metre wife... Gundam never stood a chance. I've decided to stay and look after my wife. :)

***

I've been doing something to irritate my wife recently. So by her royal decree, if I were to repeat it and for each time I irritate her, I was suppose to grant her a wish.

A few days later, when I totally stop irritating her, she complained, "Why you so stingy one, don't even want to give me one wish..."

I looked at her and said, "You don't need to get a wish from me this way... Whatever you wish, I'll give it to you..."

*The audience goes awwwwwww.......*

Yeap, Cobalt Paladin is made of sugar and spice and all things nice...

Toothache yet? :p

A Mathematical Problem

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 11:58:04 PDT

On one of the days when I walking alone down the streets of Champs-Élysées. I was probably shopping for gifts for family and friends. Usually, when I am alone, a part of my mind will retreat into the dark recesses of the cortex and I'll be thinking. Thinking about what? Many, many things. I usually just let my thoughts wander. Sometimes, I'll think about politics; sometimes it'll be philosophy and other times, just about life.

On that day, the Paris sky was clear and blue and the air was slightly chilly. It was a good day for shopping and deep thoughts. An interesting mathematical question just came to my mind. All the numbers below are for illustrative purposes only.

About 10 years ago, I started with $20k savings as my initial start-up capital. During the third year, I almost lost everything. But I caught a break. A stock I bought many years ago, before I started my venture, at $1 which crashed to $0.10 went back up to about $0.90 again which I managed to sell to inject some much need life-blood back into my business. Today, my company has about $500k (hypothetical numbers).

In 10 years, I grew my business from $20k to $500k. That's a 25 times multiples.

Just a thought occurred to me then (some may call it an epiphany).

With $500k, in 10 years time, and based on 20 times multiples (a slightly less ambitious number), can I grow it to $10 million? :p

I wonder if this is a simple mathematical question of proportion and multiples. Well, let's see in 10 years time. I intend to prove the mathematical equation correct.

I guess this was what walking down the streets of Champs-Élysées did to me. *wink*

Paris

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 21:21:55 PDT

Just recently, I went to France for 11 days: 3 days in Reims and 8 days in Paris. I went to Paris for both work and holiday, my first holiday in 4 years. Work was really just an excuse for me to feel less guilty to take a vacation. Of course, the Singapore Air promotional fare to Paris on A380 surely helped me make my decision a lot easier. I had wanted to fly on a A380 since it came to Singapore. For the past years, I've prepared my company to function without my presence and this trip would be a good test. I'm glad to say that most systems are in place and the test passed with 90% score.

First morning in Paris 7.06 A.M.

The first 3 days weather in France was cool and fair. But the weather became rainy and cloudy when our friend arrived later. She has that effect... she brings the rain. The temperature was generally in the range of 10 degrees C to about 25 degrees C - air condition temperature. As it was almost summer in France, the sun does not set until 10.30 pm! The daylight sure give "late night" shopping a new meaning. Even though it was 9 pm, we would still feel wide awake and kept going.

Our networked netbooks in the room. Do you see the white router?

We brought our own router so that we can share the broadband connection in the room and we can continue to work.

Arc de Triomphe at 9.49 P.M.

The Arc de Triomphe will be our most familiar landmark for the next 8 days as our hotel is near Champs-Elysees where we would shop and dine. It was also in the Laduree restaurant and pastry shop where we would have the best and worst memory of the trip.

Laduree

We had sort of a mini-celebration at Laduree after we've completed our business mission in Paris. It was a great feeling to have the mission-impossible successfully completed and a great load off our shoulder. All of us were laughing our heads off over silly jokes and friendly banter and the nice pastries helped too. This is where I had the best macarons. I would go back to Paris just for them.

A 100 euros worth of pastries and drinks

A swarm of locusts flew by :p

Unfortunately, a dear friend lost an item of sentimental value in the pastry restaurant. I made 2 trips back to the restaurant hoping that the staff may have found it but it came to naught. :(

Louvre

I managed to steal time from our busy shopping schedule and visited the Louvre museum. The entrance fee was 9 euros. The place was huge. I managed to catch a glimpse of Mona Lisa and she ain't pretty. After my 2.5 hours visit of looking at oil paintings and sculptures in the museum, I feel immensely cultured. :p

The last 2 days in Paris was spent in shopping. Buying gifts for family, friends, staff and wife. :) We practically shopped from 10 am all the way till the shop closes. We just walked and walked, swiped our cards and hear the cashiers go ka-ching! Prior to the trip, I had my card limit raised to an unthinkable level. It was both a scary and liberating feeling. With the new limit, I can walk into any branded shop and buy anything (almost lah). It is a strange, intoxicating and liberating feeling.

I met a client today after I came back to Singapore. He remarked that I had lost weight and he asked me for my secret. I told him, "I went shopping in Paris." :p

He liked the idea immensely of losing weight thru shopping. :D

Our Loot: 13 bags of 9 different brands

I actually maxed out the new limit during the trip. :p

During the trip, I bought a Van Cleef & Arpels pendant for my wife. It was this item that took up most of the credit of my card.

Van Cleef & Arpels Pendant

I expected my wife not to know the brand Van Cleef & Arpels. I forsee one day she would tell me, "Sorry dear, I dropped the pendant and could not find it... it wasn't too expensive, right?"

With a forced calm demeanor, I would answer, "Not to worry dear... it wasn't expensive, there is more where it came from... "

Overall, it was a good trip. There was time for self-reflection too. I had many good memories and I learnt something about myself which I may blog about it in a later date.

P.S. Time to eat bread or instant noodles for the rest of the year... :p

Raison D'être

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 09:23:46 PDT

I've been a fan of "Moon Knight". I've a weakness for anything with the word knights and angels, any symbolism that is linked to heroism, justice and honour. With the recent Kino 20% sale, I purchased volume 4 of the trade paperback. My friend had once mentioned to me, at certain times, books or phrases would appear in the right time seemingly talking straight to me, giving me advices or guidance. This happened when I picked up the book "The Fountainhead". This time, there was a conversation in "Moon Knight" between Jean-Paul DuChamp and Marc Spector:

Men like us don't change, Marc. We get distracted. We do whatever it takes not to look in the mirror. We hide inside the bottle... the needle. And if we don't put the gun in our mouth... we end up here... where it all began.

Even though I've never tried drugs... have no need to resort to that (but I was once prescribed "Happy Pill" by a doctor); I had turned to alcohol in certain periods. Looking back, there were times when the journey was hard to bear. The experiences and the realities were harsh and my spirit had been beaten to a pulp. I was on the brink of collapse. That is when you don't want to look into the mirror. To see the beaten and defeated man... the bruised man... with hopelessness in the pits of his eyes. Other times, I resorted to getting myself distracted. Goodness knows how many years I have spent my life being distracted. I put my friend's business before mine. Not that I regret helping nor advising but I allowed myself to be distracted... not caring about my own business. I used it as an excuse as I no longer had the courage to look at my business which was in a mess. The obstacles felt insurmountable. For a while, I left my business to fend for herself... to rot. I was lost and I spent my time drifting aimlessly in the vast emptiness.

Bless the soul of my business. She survived on her own even without the caring of her master. She waited for the day of my return which I eventually did.

My friend recently just shared with me another article, "The Entrepreneur's Secret Is No". It clarified a question I always had. When do I become a businessman and stop being an entrepreneur? The article had shed some light to my queries. It seems like I'll never stop being an entrepreneur. I would always challenge the status quo. I would never stop asking the "why not" questions.

I was never trained to be in the IT industry. But I learnt on my own. I was never trained be a sales person. But I learnt from experience. I was never trained to run a business, a company with staff. But I learnt from trial and errors and read really darn many books! The consistency is that whatever I don't know, I find out.

I can't remember how many times when I've a new idea, how many people has slammed the door in my face and tell me it can't be done. I just don't give up. I keep knocking on doors and breaking down walls until I find the person or technology that can help me realise my dream. Of course, I'll admit that in the past, every "no" I received eats away a part of my soul. It eats away my resolve. It tires you.

Now I've found the source of my past depression - rejections. Now that I know the face of my enemy, I'll be able to find the courage to stare straight into its eyes and not be beaten. I'll be able to stare down its challenge.

Even though I was lost in the past, but the experience has enriched me. I have gained wisdom and experience. I am now ready to face my future and greater challenges.

I've returned to the point where it all began. At the point where nothing is the norm. I've started my venture without a business plan, without external venture capital and funding. I'll continue my future where I'll remain a disruptor to the status quo, where each "no" is just an answer closer to my goal and dream, where each "it cannot be done" is a fuel to my source of motivation.

Creativity has been and always will be the fountainhead of human progress. I've found my reason for being.

1000 Stars

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Fri, 15 May 2009 01:27:07 PDT

Recognition.

This is a word that has been in my mind for the past two months. I kept thinking about it. I wonder if I've been seeking recognition all along. I remembered that when I just started and was struggling, I yearned for the acceptance and recognition of my friends and relatives. I wanted the people around me to tell me what I was doing is right and I've picked the correct path so just keep walking. I wanted my friends to give me a pat on my shoulder, I wanted them to cheer me on... I was seeking their validation.

But it never came. The path of an entrepreneur is a lonely walk.

For the first three years. It was a dark period. It is now but a distant memory. But looking back, my heart can still feel the darkness and emptiness of the forgotten years. Those three years were a soul sapping period of my life time. I don't know what kept me going. Thoughts of giving up invaded my mind and it was a constant and daily struggle to hold on to the dream. I was not prescient and I did not how my story would end. For three years, on the night of New Year's eve, I just kept telling myself, "Just one more year. I'll just try one more year... "

It was possibly my ignorance of youth and the dogged perseverance that kept me going.

Some time in my third or fourth year of my venture, things started picking up, business started coming and there was revenue. For the next few years, I was so busy and basically struggling to keep up with my business that I did not have time to think about "recognition" any more. It was like everything else at that time, including myself, I was just buried under tons of work. Maybe... just maybe, I am comfortable with my own skin, being who I am and I no longer need recognition and validation from people.

In actual fact, in the past few years, I was actually lost. Things were happening too fast and I was spinning out of control. I had spent the past few years reigning the chaos that is my business back in order. Currently, it is still not completely in order yet but I am getting there and very close now. I even had the time to think about my business and think about its potential and also... my own potential.

I had been doing a lot of self-reflection in the past 2 months.

While I was ready to embark on the new phase and journey as an entrepreneur... to swim in a bigger ocean and dance in a bigger stage, there was actually the self-doubt that was slowly gnawing away my resolve and blackening my heart with fear. There was the fear of trekking to the unknown, exploring the wilderness and there was of course... the fear of failure.

It was easy when I started. I had nothing. If I had failed. I would still have nothing. There would seem to be no difference and impact to myself. Even if I did fail, psychologically, I would not feel like I have failed because at least I tried. It was easy to succeed when starting... the bar was very low. But now that I've achieved something, the reality of losing what I've gained is very real. There lies the reason of my fear and the root of my paralysis into non-action.

Can I really do it? Do I know what I'm getting myself into? Do I know what I am doing? What if I fail and lose everything that I've now?

The voices of doubt just keep whispering in my subconscious... tormenting me. Then I began to wonder about recognition again. It was like a creditor who came and asked me to repay my debt. Eventually, I decided to embrace recognition! "I want recognition! I want validation! I want fame!" I shouted in my heart.

If I can get validation from the public, friends and relatives, it would imply that I'm doing something right, walking on the right path and going in the correct direction. At least that was what I thought. Then I came across a term "second-handers" in Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" which I was reading when I was having my fever. The term shook me! It was as though the book was talking to me. Basically, a second-hander permits other people to dominate one's thinking and one's life; a refusal to think, a willingness to derive one’s beliefs uncritically from others... A second-hander would base his/her decision and self-worth from the view of others. He/she is also person who looks to others to decide his values or beliefs.

No, I don't want to become that person. That is not the person I want to become. I silently cursed under my breath.

I want to remain an independent person. I want to depend only on my own thoughts and beliefs when I move forward. I realise now, in my hands, I hold the key to my past, present and future. With my hands, I'll create the future that I want. I have the conviction that I can achieve my dream. From the wisdom and experience of the past 9 years, I know I've grown. I have the confidence for what I need to do. I just need to believe... believe in myself.

There are many stars in the vast empty night sky. I want to be the star that shines big and bright. We can all be that star and we can all achieve our dreams... we just need to believe... believe in ourselves.

Winter In April

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 06:59:35 PDT

We just closed the monthly accounts for April. The total amount of payment we received for the whole month was a meager $20,390. When I told my friend Khoon about it in msn, his reply to me was "O.O!". It was not that we didn't have business in April. We did. But the payments were just coming in so so much slower than normal. In the same month alone, there were 3 incidents of "bounced" cheque.

The amount $20,390 received was not even enough to cover the cost of a project we just completed in April, let alone the staff salary and the other monthly operating costs. Many a times, a company may fail not because it does not have business; a company fail due to cashflow when the incoming funds does not arrive as fast as the outgoing expenses. In view of this lesson, I've always been very prudent in my company's expenses and spending and saving up cash reserves when possible.

Looking on the bright side, it was fortunate that during the first 3 months of this year, we received payments that were well above the operating costs and the excess funds just enough to cover April's shortfall.

Let's see what May brings. If there is still a shortfall, I'll have to dig into the reserves - a reserve I've been hoarding during the good years in preparation for times like these.

Corporate Junk #19

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Mon, 04 May 2009 04:08:36 PDT

Email Incident 1
We have been providing a service whereby we collate some online data and I'll receive the result as an email. For some unknown reason, we can't send the email result directly to the clients as the emails never seem to reach some of them. As a workaround, I simply setup an email filter to forward the email results to them. The email filter rule was a simple:

If "To" = certain email address, forward to client "abc".

Today, I was going through my sent items folder when I saw a spam mail that was forwarded to two lady clients with the subject "Adult Videos".

*FACE PALM*

Argh! This is so embarrassing! My filter rule should have been more specific! I wonder how many of such similar spam mails have been forwarded to my clients without my knowledge!

Somebody dig me a hole and I'll only come out when the sun no longer shines. :p

Email Incident 2
As we've been working in some projects which require fashion models, an agency sent me an email today:

Dear Paladin,

We have some new models in town now.

Please take a look and let me know if they interest you.

Best Regards,
Mdm Blahblah.

Erm... doesn't the last sentence make you go "Hmmm..... ". Don't you think the last sentence sounds appropriately inappropriate?

If it doesn't ... erm... I blame it on my feverish state.

Let me jump back into the hole and see you in next century.

Fever

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Sun, 03 May 2009 07:06:30 PDT

It started innocently with a feeling of constricting throat. Later, it followed with some dry cough and a warming body. I watched in bewilderment as my body progressed from a healthy state to being sick in a span of hours. By night fall of Thursday, my forehead was hot to the touch. The digital thermometer revealed a temperature of 38.7°C. When I plurked that I may be falling sick, @nerak commented that it must be sian to fall sick at the start of a long weekend. I was however, glad that I fell ill during the long weekend as I would have more time to recover and it would not affect my work, especially since I'm already one staff short as she has gone for her long vacation. Such is the cursed life of an entrepreneur. I went to bed early that night as I had hoped that I can sleep away the impending flu/cold with a good night rest.

Unfortunately, the virus attacking my body was more virulent that I had expected. The next day, I had only woke up to have my breakfast and I went back to sleep again. The sleep was deep but restless. There were no fever induced nightmares nor dreams. I think my body was finally exacting its revenge for my past weeks of insufficient sleep. When I finally woke up, it was already dinner time. I had slept through lunch. After so much rest, I didn't feel any better. In fact, I felt worse. My forehead burnt to the touch. I took my temperature again. It was 39.2°C.

Then I started to feel cold, icy cold. It was such a surreal thought that you know you are having a fever and yet your body feels cold. The icy feeling was from within and not without. The chills permeates through the core of your bones and there is no way of getting warm. I've piled myself under the thick quilt cover which I know it doesn't help. I just have to bid my time and hope the chill will come to pass.

I can put up with the chill and fever but what I can't withstand is the pounding headache induced by the fever. I can practically feel the pounding veins in my head. Any sudden movement will sent a jolt through my skull into my brain. The pain is so excruciating that it feels as though a thousand pins have decided to focus their pressure on one single point in my brain.

During the past 3 days, I just spend my time lying in bed, resting and recovering. During my time of lucidity and sleeplessness, I would read "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand. I hope by resting and not exerting myself, I can speed up the recovery. Only on Saturday night, when I felt well enough, I got out of bed and tried to complete some urgent work. Within 45 minutes, I can feel the fever burning up again. Gritting my teeth, I finished the required work before I forced myself to be bedridden again.

I hope by Monday, I'll be well enough to work. Unlike last time when I was an employee, I don't look forward to taking sick leave now.

Such is the curse of an entrepreneur.

P.S. The blog entry was written when I was feeling better. Hopefully, the fever is finally broken.

Lost In The Moments

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Wed, 13 May 2009 08:57:55 PDT

I uncorked my finally going to finish bottle of Greygoose vodka and poured the remaining poison into a small transparent glass. It was the last mouthful. It had been my companion on some long and lonely nights. I'm going to miss this loyal companion.

I let the sweet smell of fermented French wheat permeates the air in the glass before I drank the last mouthful. I allowed the last sip of the poison to swirl in my mouth, feeling the smooth texture of the liquid and lets it slowly flow down my throat, feeling the last burning sensation of the sweet sweet poison.

It is one of those nights again. It's been a while since I feel this way. I don't know what struck me or prompted me to feel this way. It just did. Without reason. Sense of self-doubt creeps and claws at my soul.

Looking back at the past nine years, I wonder if I've achieved anything. Have I grown as a person? If I did, then why do I feel so empty? Why is there a dull ring to the sound of my soul? Everyday, it is just a blurry motion of images. It is like 24 hours condensed into 5 minutes. My mind just grow numb to the daily routines. Even after I've hired a new staff, I remain as busy. There are still the daily grinds that I've to do but I'm growing impatient. I've bolder plans and grander goals I hope to achieve. I want to run faster, run forward but I feel shackled to the ground! I don't want to remain the same in another nine years time!

After nine years, I feel as though I'm still running in circles... just bigger circles now.

Who am I? What am I? Where am I? Tonight, it is one of those nights I've no answers to these questions.

Tonight, I just want to become a ghost among the sea of people. I want to disappear and be invisible. Being lost in the crowds.

If I'm lost, don't come looking for me... I don't want to be found. Not tonight.

Corporate Junk #18

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 04:27:43 PDT

When my friend asked me how was my day, I replied it was just another normal day. It was indeed a normal day until a client called.

The client was unreasonable and making ridiculous demands over the phone. I listened patiently, responded to him calmly but in a firm tone. I'll not take any nonsense. I just let him rambled on while I waited for my opportunity to strike back.

Then the opening came. He started teaching me how to run my business. I stopped him immediately there and there. I told him both of us are owners of our company and we have our ways of running our business. I do not teach him how he should run his business and so neither should he. I told him in no uncertain terms that he had just insulted me which was uncalled for. He was taken aback. He apologised and I accepted his apology. We continued chatting for a while more and the phone conversation ended.

I surprised myself. Clients like these used to make my blood boil and I'll be seething with anger. It would have taken tremendous effort to control my rage. I would have confronted the client through gritted teeth. I used to even continue to shake with rage after the phone conversation ended and it would take a good 20 minutes before I'm able to regain my composure calm myself down again.

But today I was different. Something just clicked. I was controlled. Calm. Firm. I even waited patiently for the jugular to be made available for one cold and deathly strike by my blade. I slit the enemy's throat in one single slow motion. I even felt the "霸气" of a leader which my staff said that I have.

Maybe I've grown and finally matured as a business person. But I wonder... is that a good thing? Have I gained something or lost a piece of myself?

Conversations

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 09:19:01 PDT

Had a conversation with a good friend online some time ago.

NP: I always believe that respect is something people with low-opininons of themselves would crave or strive for.

Me: ouch!

NP: why "ouch"?

Me: maybe i also have low opinion of myself? sometimes i seek respect and recognition too?

NP: self-confidence has always been your issues from the way you blog and the way you perceive things

Me: understand. me is me lor

Me: this is my journey of self-discovery

NP: yes, I respect you for that

Who am I? Sometimes I wonder. I look at the face of the person in the mirror and sometimes I don't recognise him. What am I doing here? I ponder. Been in this path for the past 9 years and sometimes I don't think I've achieved much at all. I feel like I could have achieved so much more but I've not given my all. I had been lost and wasted time. What will the next 9 years bring? Where will I be by then?

Sometimes it is so difficult to continue, to wake up in the morning to face the challenges of a new day. Maybe I'm just tired. Even though I'm supposedly doing something what I wanted to do but then why do I still feel so chained and as though my wings are clipped. Maybe I'm really just tired. It has not been an easy two weeks. Most of the days in the past 2 weeks, I had been getting only 3, 4 hours of sleep.

The responsibilities of running a company clings heavily on my shoulders. Sometimes I feel suffocated.

I want to be free again. I want to run and shout at the heavens. I want to laugh, I want to cry. I long for the day when I can be carefree again. When I can just drop everything and buy a plane ticket and take a vacation. But I can't. Not now.

Am I human? Or am I a lost soul?

The Fellowship

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:11:32 PDT

More than a year ago, I emailed a group of entrepreneurs who had just started their new venture. They were happy to meet up and we (D, H and I) chatted over a cuppa at Novena Square Starbucks. Unknowingly, we chatted for 3 hours and the time just flew by.

A few weeks ago, by chance, we met at a seminar where they were giving a talk. We promised each other to meet up again. It took us almost 2 weeks to find a slot that we were able to meet up. One of the reason was because we expected the chat to be 3 hours long again so we needed an uninterrupted block of 3 hours and more! :p

Finally, we found a slot where we were all available yesterday and met at a cafe near their office.

As D was busy and can only join us at a later time, so H and I chatted and do some catching up first. 10 minutes into the chat, H received a call from a client who wanted to come and sign contract and make payment. I signaled H to go ahead with the meeting. I know every single client is important, especially in the current financial climate. H promised me it'll only take 5 minutes but I told him to take as long as required.

I took out a book and started reading. H's meeting with the client only ended about an hour later. He was very apologetic but I told him it was alright and I totally understand. In fact, other than reading the book, I even took the opportunity to arrange my business meetings with client for next week and called my staff and talked about work.

A while later, D finally joined us. While we chatted, we took turns to yawn. It was not because our talk was uninteresting but it was because we were all exhausted by our venture. We gave each other a knowing and understanding smile and we continued chatting. Running your venture is physically demanding, so much so that I had been thought to look 3 years older than my current age. Maybe the 9 years of entrepreneurship has took its toil. :p

Even though we were tired but we were fueled by our dreams and passion. It is the passion and the belief that tomorrow will be a better day that keep us motivated.

Like my friend had said, "Every day is a day closer to ruling the world!"

We traded "war" stories, talked about the difficult clients and even our revenue numbers! We discussed how we can move forward, the recession, politics, our industry in general. We also gave pointers about each others business model. We also talked about our goals and our plans. It was a very comfortable chat. It had been a while since I've chatted with like-minded people.

Then D had to leave after he received a call. We gave each other a heartfelt handshake and a knowing smile. The work never stops and duty has called.

I continued to chat with H for another hour until his girlfriend called. It was already night time. We had chatted for 4, 5 hours. H had to leave as his girlfriend was waiting for him in his office. We promised that we should meet again in the near future.

I left the meeting feeling refreshed and cleansed. It is a great feeling chatting with fellow like-minded people where the pursuit of money and wealth is not our ultimate goals. We are dreamers and we are fueled by our passion.

I feel a sense of kinship and camaraderie with them... this is my fellowship of entrepreneurs.

Slow Month

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:21:20 PDT

Now is just past the middle of April. Till date, we've only received payments totaling *drumroll* .... $3.5k! Yes, you read that correctly. It was not missing a 'zero'. We really only collected $3,500 so far. This falls short way way too much from covering our monthly operating cost. It can hardly even cover the pay of one staff. What makes it even more amazing is that we had 3 consecutive record takings for the first quarter. To only receive this amount this month, is like falling off a vertical cliff.

How did things take such a drastic turn so suddenly?

I had been having meetings in town for the past weeks and I noticed that car parks in Raffles City and Ngee Ann City seem emptier than usual. For 2 afternoons in a row, there were almost 400 lots available at the Raffles City carpark and both times I got the lot right in front of the escalator. In the past, I almost never get these lots.

Even my staff told me there were no new deals and business this month.

And yesterday morning, I woke up to the sombre news of Singapore further revising downwards her economy forecast from the previous -2% to -5%, to the now -6% to -9%.

From one of my supplier, I also heard that one of my competitor has cut their budget by 50%. When I jokingly told them that maybe I should cut my budget by 50% too, I was met with a loud and resounding "Oui!". :p

To top it all, I had added an additional headcount this month. This would greatly increase my operating costs.

However, I believe that while my competitors are cutting down their budget and reducing the number of staff, all the more I should keep to my game plan and expand as per normal. Each dollar I spend in expansion will have more impact now than before. Any advertising, branding and marketing than I do now will be able to create more awareness now than when there were a lot more noise.

The fortunate thing is that I've had always planned for a financial nuclear winter. I've stockpiled reserves to last the company for months and months of zero sales (worst case scenario). I'll adjust and adapt my strategy as and when required. It is the most opportune time now for my company to pull further ahead of the competitions.

Even though having only received $3.5k so far, which is definitely an alarmingly low figure, it is times like this that all the more I should keep a calm and cool mind to steer my company out of this treacherous terrain.

Let the game begin!

At The Crossroad

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Wed, 13 May 2009 09:00:40 PDT

After my beer ran dry and finishing my previous blog entry, I plurked about it before I went to bed. Without realising what I've unleased, a lively discussion ensued. By the time I wake up and check the plurk, it already had garnered 120 over responses while I was sleeping. It totally took me by surprise. But the different and diverse points brought up were actually very good (it is really worth reading through them). It actually enabled me to thread my fragmented thoughts into one cohesive understanding.

Truth be told, in recent years, I've been cruising in my venture. Even though the workload has increased and I've been stressed, I was still the big fish in the small pond. In actual fact, I felt a void which I can't describe. This confused me. So when I see other people soaring and driven, I felt empty. It was neither envy nor jealousy. It was something else and this had haunted me for the past weeks.

I believe I'm at the mid-point of my working lifespan. By some definition, I'm moderately successful. I lead a comfortable life financially because I'm not a big spender. I don't require much materialistic stuff to satisfy my ego. I was comfortable and that lies the root of the problem.

I guess the real question that had been plaguing me for the past week was really the purpose and potential of my existence. Are the current achievements the true limit of my potential? What if I'm a marathon runner who can run a 100km race but I had only allowed myself to compete in a 10km race?

There lies the disparity.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a sleeping dragon (卧龙) waiting to be awaken? Maybe there is a sleeping dragon in each and everyone of us, waiting for us to awaken them and we'll soar free and high into the clear blue sky!

It is not really about achieving more fortune and fame. It is really about realising one's full potential in our limited existence in this world. Fame and fortune is really just a by-product of the journey. Some may ask, so what can we do with more wealth that can last more than a lifetime? My answer is that, we can use our wealth to help others, channel our resources in the charitable causes and sponsor medical researches in areas that will help save lives. Look at Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. They have donated much of their wealth for the betterment of human kind.

I know these are big dreams. I don't know if I can even come close to achieving them. But if I don't even try, these dreams would shatter even before it begins. So what if in the end, I'm really just a 10km marathon runner? Then I'll push myself to run 11km, 12km...

If I had wasted time, now it is time to test my limits and realise my full potential if it had not already been reached.

I'm now a fish ready to swim into the big ocean and face all the new challenges. I shall not be satisfied to just be a big fish in a small pond. One of my friend remarked this as a small islander mentality. The friend feels that this is why so many of us have restricted ourselves just to the small Singapore island when there is a bigger world outside beyond our 710.2 km² land mass.

Is it really just a simple small islander mentality? I wonder if it could even be due to our government propaganda? Election after election, the ruling party has repeatedly told us that we need them and Singapore won't survive if we don't elect them. Time and time again, the ruling party would drum into our conscious and subconscious mind that they have the best talents on the island in their party. On the flip side, it seems to say that we are useless and we can't stand on our feet by ourselves. The propaganda may also seem to imply since we who are not in the party, we are not talented. This may have inadvertently created a mental cluth, restricted our ambition and make us believe that we were not meant for greater things. Is that why we have a dearth of globally successful entrepreneur (do we even count Sim Wong Hoo)?

I'm now standing at a crossroad: one path is clear, straight and easy to travel; the other path is dark and winding, filled with brambles and obstacles with no end in sight.

I know which path to take now. The choice is clear.

Where Is My Applause?

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Wed, 13 May 2009 09:00:01 PDT

Tonight, I have a can of beer in my hand and music playing in my ears. The taste of bitter beer swirls and carresses my tongue. I'm slowly letting the alcohol intoxicate my system. I want to numb my brain. It is one of those weeks where the time just flies by and my mind has been overfilled with the buzz of work and thoughts. It is filled to the point of overflowing. No matter how hard I try, I just can't meet all the deadlines. I hope the beer will help me numb away the stress.

For the past weeks, I've been feeling my failure. Don't ask me why I've suddenly felt this way. Maybe I've started to realise my youth has been slipping away (if it hasn't already). Maybe I've realised I've really not achieved much. I don't know. Currently, my thoughts are in fragments and I've not managed to form a coherent understanding of what is going through my mind.

I think it has been a culmination of walking the lonely path of entrepreneurship. Not many people really understand what an entrepreneur goes through. I hate it when people make patronising comments. Some even make snide remarks like "So, you are an entrepreneur! Must be making big bucks!". It was hurtful to hear when you were struggling every day to keep your dream alive. Gradually, I shun away from meeting these people. Later, when my business grew, to protect the privacy of myself, my family, I've chosen to shun the public limelight. I think for some of my friends who read my blog, they are going to be surprised when I say that I am an actually a nerd in nature. I'm a quiet, reserved and private person in nature and I don't enjoy social gatherings with unknown people. I always have the constant fear of embarrassing myself and this always become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For the past 9 years, I've typically kept to myself as it is really not easy to find other like-minded entrepreneurs. But recently, in my course of work, I've met people who are extremely talented and they are so young... they are only in the twenties and they were cool. With social networking, they have large number of friends and fans. So many people "friend" them in facebook, follow them in twitters, invited to give talks and they jet around frequently around the world in the course of their work. They were glamourous and living their life!

Me? I'm typing this blog entry in one secluded corner of a HDB unit in Singapore.

When I shared my feelings of failure with my friends, they chided me for feeling this way. They will tell me I am a successful entrepreneur (then where is the money)? They would then say that I've a happy family (that, I agree). They would tell me I've built a successful and ongoing venture from nothing with just my bare hands and wits. They tell me I should be happy and satisfied. Then why am I feeling I'm such a failure? I've not seen the world. I'm ok financially but not wealthy. I'm not publicly recognised and I'm not famous. And why do I feel like I'm a hamster running non-stop on a treadmill? When can I stop? When can I rest? When can I enjoy life?

Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe it is just the beer.

Maybe it is just a phase I'm going through. Maybe during this phase, even if I had made millions, I would still think I am a failure. Well, that I would never know since I've not made my million. Heh!

A few nights ago, I met another fellow entrepreneur. This was a person whom I met on a chance encounter a few years ago whom I had shared my story and experience with him. Today, his company has met with moderate success but with bigger success in waiting. When we met, which was in a social gathering (one of the few rare ones which I actually attended), he introduced me as his benefactor to his group of friends. He told them he wouldn't be who he is now without my encouragement and the sharing of my experiences which spured him on and gave him strength to face his darkest hours. I was taken by surprise but I was glad and appreciated his appreciation. I was happy that my sharing and encouragement had made an impact in his life. It was gratifying to know that he had not forgotten me and in fact viewed me as him benefactor. It was a good feeling to know that you are remembered.

Why did I share the above experience? Have I been seeking validation all along? I don't know. It was just some random thought that popped into my mind. I'm still trying to piece together the fragments of my thoughts and seek meaning to the splinterd fragments.

Ah.... my can of beer has also run dry. I'll just end my incoherent entry here. Before that, let me share with you "This used to be my playground" by Madonna. Not with the faintest understanding, I just think that this song is appropriate to accompany this entry. Enjoy!

Outrun

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 09:14:00 PDT

Everyday after I pick up my son from school, at the lift landing of our HDB unit, there is a long stretch of corridor to our unit and my son would love to challenge me to a foot race.

I've tried many variations of my run. There are at times, I would deliberately fall behind and let him lead the race all the way. Sometimes, I'll run ahead and let him chase after me. I'll slow down and allow him to overtake me at the last possible moment so he'll reach the 'finishing line' (the door of our unit) first. Other times, I'll overtake him and let him chase after me, eventually allowing him to outrun me.

Apart from me getting the littlest exercise and my heart pumping, I enjoy hearing his crystal like innocent laughter that comes from the thrill of his race with his old man.

Every time, I've allowed him to 'win' the race. But this is one race I don't mind losing. I look forward to the day when he can really outrun me.

Corporate Junk #17

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 18:29:47 PDT

A client was recently due for renewal. After playing hide-and-seek on the phone for a month (so childish, my goodness!), my staff finally managed to get hold of him. My staff told me that the conversation had gone on as follows:

Client: Your boss should know now that there is a recession so your boss should be ready to be flexible in doing business. Tell your boss we would like to do a barter trade instead of paying for your services. If your boss is not flexible enough to accept barter trade, tell him no need to call me back, I won't be interested.

My staff: .... .... er, ok. I'll discuss with my boss and we'll get back to you.

Sigh, when my staff related the incident to me, I really wondered what was going through my client's mind. Barter trade? What can I do with $8000 worth of screws or raw materials? Replace all the screws at home, my staff's home and in the office? Oh, maybe he is going to give me tiger prawns! Modern civilization invented currency was to facilitate trading. Barter trade can only happen if both parties enjoy mutual benefits of exchanging goods and services. In this case, only the client benefit and my company loses.

I know times may be bad but the it is still unnecessary for the client to attempt to shove his suggestion down our throats. If he had approached the issue more tactfully, we may even be able to help by working something out amicably.

I was very tempted to instruct my staff not to call the client back. Well, he did say not to call him back if we were not going to consider barter trade. Unfortunately, I believe we should still behave professionally and inform the client that we won't be taking up his offer of barter trade. It is just basic service courtesy.

Sometimes, I also wonder why can't some clients show some respect when negotiating a deal. Why do they have to come barging with guns blazing and ready to shoot you down. The industry is extremely small. I believe soon we'll bump into each other again. Then because of what the the client did, due to pride, he will very unlikely not work with us again even if he needs to. He has effectively slammed the door shut himself.

* Shake head *

Change The World

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Wed, 13 May 2009 08:59:39 PDT

It's been exactly a month since my last blog entry. I've been busy, really busy. I guess it is a good thing to still be so busy during this gloomy economy. In January, I was busy preparing for my son's start in primary school and after that, Chinese New Year. I thought I could take a breather after Chinese New Year, as many of my business associates were predicting that Singapore economy will only get worse after CNY when everyone will stop spending. I had in fact braced myself for the slowdown. But for some unfathomable reason, my company became even busier in February and continued till now. I guess it is a good thing and I've also decided to focus on my business for the time being. In times like these, it is important to make the right decisions and all the more important to focus on customer retention and providing them better service.

After a long day, I finally am able to turn on my iTunes and listen to my music.

Earlier in the day, it was just phone calls after phone calls. It started all the way from 10 am and only ended around 8 pm. There were so many calls to make, coordinating the multitude of projects that my throat has gone parched and my mind became numb with overflowing information. My brain just feels a dull numb reverberating from the buzz of the day.

I guess this is why I came back to blogging, to force my brain to exorcise the chaos of the day.

In the past months, I had the fortune to meet some very talented and promising Singaporeans. They are so young. When talking to them, I can't help but feel my age. I even began to question how I've spent my younger years. Some of the talents are so young and yet they have achieved so much that I feel very paled in comparison. Some of them have traveled and seen the world. When I was their age, I was still a struggling undergrad wondering if I can graduate together with my friends. The new talents, with the aid of online social media networks, their work is recognised internationally, even though they may not be as known locally. Singapore is obviously no longer a big enough playing field and without urging, they have already firmly set their eyes in the global stage.

Even though I have been busy, but I still manage to keep myself abreast of the local current affairs and the buzz in the blogosphere. Sometimes, I wonder if we've focused our energy on the wrong stuff. We don't look too far and we are so short-sighted that we can only see the happenings just before us and treat them as though they were world changing events. I wonder, have we been making a mountain out of a molehill? In the end, we see only people penning their thoughts, thumping their chests, traffic to the blogs increased but in the end still no concrete action taken... nothing change.

I've shared my thoughts with a good friend of mine and she felt that I've achieved a lot too (maybe she was justing being kind). But I wonder... where is my recognition? There lies the dichotomy, I want recognition (maybe I'm really getting old) and yet I want to remain invisible to the public. If I've really achieved, then why do I feel so hollow?

I recall a statement that Lim Sau Hoong (林少芬) of 10AM Communications used in one of the ad her company created:

"心有多大　舞台就有多大".

It literally means, the stage is as big as your ambition.

Yes, I want to change the world and leave my footprint in the global stage. Let us all set our sights on the world.

Corporate Junk #16

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 23:43:02 PST

We have an outstanding payment of $12k which we've billed last July. That was eight months ago. My accounts staff has been chasing for months. Month after month, the client's accounts department told us that our invoice had been submitted for approval. Their payment approval is done at the end of every month and only once every month.

For 3 cycles, our invoice has been rejected. This really frustrated me. My staff called their accounts to find out the reason for rejection and she directed us to the purchasing department who bought our products. We called the purchasing staff who had made the order from us. She told us she has checked with her superior and claim that the fault lies with the accounts department. For the sales side, she claimed that they have already approved the payment.

Frustrated, we called the accounts department and she told us to send them the invoice again and she'll try to obtain approval. From the address she gave to us, we noticed that it was a different operating address from the client and deduced that the client outsourced their accounts to an accounting firm.

A few days later, I called the accounts company and talked to the lady who was responsible for the payment of invoices. I chatted with her and asked her if she was from a different company as our client. She confirmed my suspicion and she has no authorithy in regards to the approval of payements. I continued to asked if there were other companies facing similar problems like ours. She hesitated but told me we were not the only company having the same difficulty. I actually began to sympathise her. I asked her wouldn't she be in the receiving end from the various companies who are chasing payments. She admitted that she gets scolded and shouted at many times and she said we were the only company who had not scolded her and had been patient and nice to her. I wondered if the client would delay payments to the "Big" companies. In fact, the client don't delay and payments are made promptly to the "Big" companies, she shared with me. This really made me boil.

I asked her if there is any thing we can do to ensure the collection of payments. She whispered and told me in a soft tone (as she didn't want her boss to overhear the conversation) that all we need to do is get a lawyer to send them a letter of demand and payment will be made promptly. She told me she shared this information with us because we have been nice to her.

I thank her and wished her luck (she has a tough job) before putting down the phone. Thank goodness we have been nice and we are able to obtain a "tip" on how to get our payment.

Why are there companies like these? Didn't we all start small? Why bully the companies that are perceived to be smaller in size? Why make us incur unnecessary expenses for engaging a lawyer to send a letter?

The legal letter of demand has been made. We shall see if payment will be made.

My First Encounter With ERP As A Driver

noreply@blogger.com (Cobalt Paladin) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 07:23:28 PST

A few months ago, that same evening after I received the keys of my second hand Toyota, I needed to drive to town for an appointment.

Being a "new" driver and not familiar with driving the "new" car, I knew I forgot something but I can't remember what it was. I was also too busy making sure I don't get lost and trying to remember the roads to take, the turns to make, so that I can arrive at my destination safely and hopefully on time.

When I turned out from the CTE and saw the giant ERP looming in front of me and it was in operation, it struck me what I had forgotten to do earlier! I did not insert the CashCard into the IU!

At that instant, time froze and everything moves in slow motion like "Bullet Time" in Matrix. All the ambient noise from the moving traffic, blaring of horns seemed to have disappeared and I was wrapped in a cocoon of silence.

I was in the "zone".

Instinctively, I checked my rear view mirror. No car.

I hit the brakes and turned on the hazard lights. My car managed to stop just inches from the gantry. In next quick succession, even though it felt like my motion was slowed down by the thick air, like when you are in the water, I released my seat belt, lift up my butt, took out my wallet from the back of my jeans pocket and slide out the cash card. In one fluid and simultaneous motion, I inserted the card into the IU, while the other hand that was holding the wallet, placed it back into my jeans pocket.

I heard the card clicked into the IU.

Next, I plonked my butt back into the seat, slide the seat belt across my body and clicked it into locking position, turned off the hazard lights and slowly eased my foot onto the accelerator and my car started moving again.

In the same instant, the silence was broken and the noise of the world returned. A bird frozen in its mid flight continued its journey. Time also went back to moving at its normal pace.

"Beep!"

Ah... the wonderful and satisfying sound of ERP when my car passed under the gantry. That was to be the first and last time I enjoyed hearing the beep of ERP. :p