ADDinfinitum

Follow Your Instincts

Cate Rader — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 09:08:48 -0700

Having a child with AD/HD can make you feel like you're fighting a losing battle sometimes, especially where school is concerned. It seems like people are either frowning on your parenting or frowning on your child for not fitting into their mold. I've always tried to support our teachers and do everything I could to partner with them rather than being a complaining parent, but what I've learned over the years is not to doubt my instincts as a mother. If you're feeling like that, here's my advice:

Don't let people make you feel like your child isn't measuring up or you aren't doing your job as a parent somehow because of AD/HD related struggles. At some point a teacher will say this to you, and you'll feel like you've just been punched in the stomach. "If he would just put forth some effort and have some discipline in his life he would be able to do the work."

A teacher who says this doesn't know a thing about AD/HD and is probably not going to be a good fit for your child. Most likely the problem is that your child learns differently and the teacher expects that what works for most kids should work for all. It will difficult to change that perception. The longer your child gets this kind of feedback, the more he will convince himself that he is not as smart as everyone else. He will start to give up. Don't let this happen.

Find strategies that work for him and share them with his teacher. (My favorite book of learning strategies is Teaching Teens With ADD and ADHD: A Quick Reference Guide for Teachers and Parents. I've found many of these strategies to be useful for much younger kids, not just teens) If the teacher isn't willing to understand your child's challenges and implement reasonable accommodations, request a different teacher. Don't feel bad about it and don't wait until half the year is over.

Your instincts as a parent are right! Protect and advocate for your child first and foremost. Schools care about kids, but rarely will you find anyone looking out for your child the way you do. Get in there and make sure your child is getting the education he/she is entitled to!

When The Animals Go To School

Cate Rader — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 06:31:57 -0700

..........there were some animals who decided to start a school for animals. They decided the courses would include running, climbing, swimming and flying. Then they decided that all of the animals should take all of the courses. That’s where the problem started.

The duck was better than his teacher at swimming. But he only made passing grades in flying and was very poor in running. So they made him drop swimming and stay after school to practice running. This caused his web feet to be badly worn and his grade dropped to average in swimming. But everybody felt less threatened and more comfortable with that – except the duck.

The rabbit started at the top of his class in running but because of so much make up work in swimming he caught pneumonia and had to drop out of school.

The squirrel showed outstanding ability in climbing but he was extremely frustrated in flying class because the teacher insisted that he start from the ground up rather than the treetop down. He developed Charlie horses from over extension so he only got a C in climbing and a D in running.

The eagle was the problem student and was disciplined for being a nonconformist. For instance in climbing classes he beat all the others to the top of the tree but he insisted on using his own way to get there. Finally because he refused to participate in swimming class he was expelled.

Yep...that's what it feels like at school sometimes for kids who learn differently! Chances are, they've spent their day feeling like they don't fit in or can't win even when they try their hardest. The older they get, the more options they seem to have in school and the easier it gets ,but elementary and middle school can be really rough. Be sure to encourage your child every day and focus on the positives.

Low-Stress Test Taking

Cate Rader — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 08:27:35 -0700

This is the time of year, in Texas, that kids from 3rd grade on take what are called TAKS tests. (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills) There's so much preparation and talk about it that for many kids, anxiety starts building a month or so before it's even time for the tests. When my son was in fourth grade he had his first writing TAKS test. It started at around 8am and students could take as long as needed to finish. At 2pm my son's teacher called me to say that my son was still working on his test and wanted to take more time to finish. School ends at 2:30 and he could stay as long as needed. He and one other child were the only 2 kids left in the school still working. At 3pm I went to the school and thought certainly he must be done by now. He was still in the testing room, so I asked if I could poke my head in and just give him a smile or word of encouragement. There are very strict rules around the test and I was told that I couldn't. Finally, after another 1/2 hour of waiting I told the teacher to tell him to hand in whatever he had done. This was just too much for a 9 year old. He had been taking that test for over 7 hours. That's far more time than it takes for college entrance exams! She calmly told me that he had gotten a few breaks during the day to get a drink and go to the bathroom. Did she really think that it was reasonable for a 9 year old child?

Finally, he came out of the testing room, sobbing. He had not written one word all day. He had 4 fully developed stories in his head, but because of the way the writing prompt was worded, he was sure his stories were all wrong. The prompt was "Write a NONFICTION story about something that has happened in your life." He asked the teacher questions regarding the prompt, but the rules around the testing say the teacher can only repeat the prompt. Some help that is. At 9 years old, a child thinks of Benjamin Franklin or Martin Luther King when they think of a nonfiction story. Even though he was thinking of stories that really happened in his life, every time he thought about interesting ways to describe it, he was sure that it was fictional and he just couldn't put it down on the paper. Boys tend to think of life as one big action adventure anyway, so I'm sure he was struggling with how anything in his life could possibly be considered nonfiction.

I knew he could do it and I was angry that the pressure had kept him from doing his best. Out of sheer frustration over that day, I came up with a new test-taking strategy for him.

The next time he had to take the writing TAKS test, I told him "Go in there and write the worst paper you've ever written. Just put down your first idea on paper, check back over it once and hand it in." Several times I reminded him that the goal was just to finish. It didn't matter if it was any good or not. Just finish. Every single time since then, he has finished in about 2 hours, and gotten a commended score on this test. A commended score means he not only got an acceptable rating, but was well above the average student scores.

Our kids are smart but all with all the thoughts bombarding the AD/HD brain they just need something that will help them prioritize and process the information. Sometimes all a child needs is to have the pressure taken off. Making the goal "to finish" seemed to allow for all the other stuff to fall into place.

Give it a try and let me know how it works for your child!

Review - The Trouble With Boys

Cate Rader — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 08:57:29 -0700

This book isn't really about AD/HD but if you have a son with AD/HD I'm betting you will every page of this book with great interest, just as I did. The issues covered in this book are focused on boys, but I think are greatly amplified when you have a son with AD/HD.

I've ranked this as my favorite book of the past year, and I read a LOT!
The information wasn't just opinions, but very relevant data that points to the reality of all the topics she discusses. Here's a listing of some of the chapters that I thought were especially good:

It's Not Just Your Son
Fixing The School, Not the Boy
Kindergarten, The New First Grade
Requiem for Recess - Yes, They Need It!
Your Son, His Teach, and ADHD
The Vanishing Male Teacher
Why Johnny Can't (or Won't) Read - really good stuff!
Thinking With A Boy Brain
Smart Boys Who Get Bad Grades
How We Devalue What Boys Need
College: Where the Boys Aren't

I battled with teachers about many of the things that are discussed in this book for years and often went home feeling like I had been talking to a brick wall. I wish I had read this book when my kids were in elementary school. It made me realize that my motherly instincts were right on target and I was not alone in my concerns.

You can get this book on Amazon. It's also available for immediate download on your Kindle2 Reader. (Which I highly recommend too)